DPOV

The drive to Las Vegas was long. Adrian was mostly asleep. I tried not to feel guilty about it, but it was hard. He had been drinking more too. He needed a feeder and he needed an outlet for his darkness. The darkness he got from saving me.

I was driving on the interstate Las Vegas was still 50 miles away as the road signs indicated. It was very quiet on the road, so I decided to try and see if I could feel Adrians darkness, like Rose had felt Lissa's.

I had slipped into Adrian's head a few times, but I was working hard to make sure it didn't happen accidentally. So I think I could feel Adrian's feelings without being in his head.

I reached out. The bond felt weird to me, but also somehow familiar. Rose had talked about how it felt, and now I could feel it too. I admired Rose even more, she was fifteen when she was bonded to Lissa. It took a lot of mental energy to control the bond. Rose had made it look so natural, like it was easy. It was not easy. I did remind myself that I had only been bonded a couple of days.

I looked inside Adrian to see if I could somehow feel the darkness. I didn't think I was succeeding. Maybe I couldn't feel it if he was asleep. But then, there it was. It almost felt like molasses reaching into me and grabbing hold of me. I closed the bond as best I could. But it was in me. I growled at some other driving who was pissing me off immensely. I gripped the steering wheel and I breathed a couple a times, before the initial rage had subsided.

Is this how Rose had felt? I imagine this is the beginning. Eventually Rose had had to resort to hunting Strigoi to get the darkness out. I wondered how long I had before that would happen.

Adrian woke up.

"Wow what was that? Man, I feel lighter than I have in days." He looked my way and saw my white knuckles still gripping the steering wheel.

"Oh, right, you took it."

"I just wanted to see if I could. How it feels, how she felt. I only took a bit."

Adrian seemed to contemplate this.

"Okay. but I don't want you taking too much. I don't want to be responsible for a 6" 7'. Russian Rage machine. You were there to stop Rose, who will stop you? I don't want some misguided form of guilt. I have been taking care of the darkness on my own my entire life and I will continue to do so."

I nodded. It was way too early for me to take a lot. And maybe he was right. Rose had to take a lot from Lissa, because Lissa never dealt with the darkness on her own. She was fifteen after all and barely able to use her power. Adrian has been living with Spirit and it's consequences for a couple of years.

He was fidgeting with his hands. He looked almost nervous. "You did tell Sydney we left right, and we were going to Vegas. She might want to follow already, I assume you will be doing some hunting?"

I looked over to him.

"I did tell her. She said she won't be far away."

"Good, good."

"Yeah about that Adrian..."

I didn't really know how to continue. I wanted to tell him that it was not a good idea to go down this road. Even if I had the idea that Sydney was warming up to him too. Adrian groaned and ran his hands through his hair. I had noticed I was starting to do the same a lot too. Some mannerisms I was picking up from him.

"You stay out of my head on this one, Dimitri. I know it is ridiculous, I keep telling myself that and I don't need you in my head telling me the same thing."

"The bond is one way. You won't hear me in your head."

"But you were just going to tell me it was a ridiculous thought right. That I should put her out of my mind. That it would never work."

I thought long and hard before I did say something.

"I know what it is like, Adrian, to love somebody you shouldn't. True, a Moroi in love with an Alchemist is a whole other level of a guardian loving his seventeen year old student, but still the struggles are the same. I won't say what is right here. Just know that it won't be easy."

"It doesn't matter, Sydney couldn't possibly feel the same thing."

"Maybe, but I have dealt with many alchemists, most are terrified of Moroi, and Sydney was basically chewing me out for endangering you. So she at least is treating you like a human being and that is a start."

An hour later I drove into the garage of the Witching hour. Once Adrian had realized where we were going he had protested, but we could be here for a while and I needed him safe. The Witching hour was warded and a lot of other Guardians were present here. He would be safe. Besides I don't think it would be a bad idea to show his face every once in a while. Just to show whoever wanted to know that Lord Adrian Ivashkov was safe and well. Besides there would be plenty of feeders here, and Adrian was hungry.

He walked up to the front desk with me behind him. He was recognized immediately by the concierge. I imagine he knew all the wealthy Moroi.

"Lord Ivashkov, welcome back to our establishment. How can I help you today."

"I would like a large two bedroom suite, preferably one with a king size bed for this giant over here." He leaned in closer towards the concierge. "He whines like a little baby when the beds are too small."

I growled but kept my mouth shut. I do not whine. I just prefer a bed I can actually fit in. But as a Guardian I had had many beds of standard size where my feet would stick out of the bed.

"We have separate accommodations for Guardians, if you prefer." the concierge said with a bit of a sneer in his voice. I could feel irritation flood through the bond. I knew Adrian and I had gotten close over the last few months and he always paid for the best accommodations he could find at whatever hotel or motel we would be staying at. But I knew his irritation wasn't about the concierge suggesting his friend sleep downstairs, he was suggesting 'the help' slept somewhere else. Like we didn't deserve any luxury. Adrian darkened his look at the concierge.

"I do not prefer that. Guardian Belikov will be staying with me. "

We headed up to the suite. We showered, got a feeder for Adrian and settled in. After Adrian was done feeding he opened up a bottle from the minibar. Normally I would give him a hard time, but now I knew why he did it. Because he had saved me.

"It would be good to show your face downstairs, to make sure word gets around that you are here and safe."

We did this from time to time, so that the Queen or Adrian's mother wouldn't get suspicious about the real purpose of our road trip. We have kept a lot of encounters with Strigoi secret from them. About half the numbers are sent on a report to the Alchemists. They do send a transcript to Guardian archives, but no public announcements are made. You would have to look for that information to find it. So the Queen and Danielle were mostly in the dark. We couldn't hide one encounter, and Danielle had been adamant Adrian return to court, but he had assured his mother that it had been incidental and that a single Strigoi was nothing I couldn't handle.

"Do I have to go? I don't feel like gambling."

That was a first. "All you have to do is play a few games, I am not asking you to squander your inheritance."

"That will take a long time." He mumbled.

After a few hours of lounging around, and Adrian debating whether he actually wanted to go downstairs and play, I needed to get up. So I dragged Adrian down with me to the casino floor. He scanned the room and his eyes landed on the poker table. There was an opening and he walked towards it and took the last seat. I joined the other Guardians who were standing directly behind their charges. I got some nods from a few and others just focused on their charges.

Adrian bought into the game and got a few towers of chips. The amount of money spent in this game alone would cover my salary for an entire year. I tried not to feel bitter about it. It had always been that way, but glancing around the room, I saw some Guardians were not doing a very good job of hiding their disdain.

Adrian was winning quite a few games. He lost a couple but I was beginning to think that was on purpose not to raise suspicion. I saw Adrian was more focused on the people than on the cards, now I was no stranger to poker, I could play a mean game, giving my natural poker face, but even I had trouble pegging some players. He was squinting from time to time, as if to get them in focus, maybe he was drunker than I thought. Then it hit me. Adrian would be able to tell if they were bluffing or not. He was seeing their aura's.

I tried slipping in his head. I might as well practice and there was nothing else here for me to do. The place was warded with a dozen Guardians in this room alone. I could let my mind wander a bit. After three tries I was in. I was looking through his eyes. The sensation was weird to say the least. The room had slightly shifted perspective since Adrian was sitting down, and I was standing. Adrian looked down on his own cards and then started to look at his opponents. Piece by piece their auras came into view. It was quite beautiful. There were several colors swirling around the players. Some seemed to be more stable than others. So I thought those were determined by their personality, but some seemed to be changing as people were looking at other people, the cards in their hands and the cards on the table. One person was particularly bright. I couldn't read anything from his facial expression, but his aura was blazing, maybe excitement. I saw Adrian fold, so I assume he had come to the same conclusion, this man had a winning hand, and no point in losing too much money in this round.

I slipped out of his head and stayed behind him for a few more games. Eventually Adrian picked up his large winnings and moved on.

"Really, using spirit to win a poker game?" I asked

He grinned. "It is my natural ability, so why wouldn't I use it."

"Because the price is too high." I hadn't felt any darkness in Adrian as a result of his poker game, but maybe it didn't work that fast or maybe I wasn't able to feel it yet as it set in.

"Relax, Dimitri, seeing auras on that scale hardly takes any effort at all. It comes very natural to me. I mostly use a lot of spirit on healing and dreamwalking."

Good to know.

He played a few other stations. He lost a bit at blackjack. He couldn't use spirit to cheat here. Although I knew the art of counting cards, Adrian seemed to lack the ability to track how many cards have been used. It didn't matter anyway. Like he said, he had enough money to spend here and our purpose here was to be seen, not to win money.

We were about to call it a night when Adrian turned around and walked right into another customer. He bent over a bit, spilling most of his drink. I could smell the strong scent of alcohol from where I was standing.

The man had trouble getting back up and Adrian helped him. When his face became clearer both Adrian and I recognized the man. I could feel confusion and some shock through the bond, but no negative emotions. The same could not be said about me.

"Uncle Rand. What are you doing here?"

Uncle?

He squinted his eyes and looked at Adrian.

"Adrian, my boy, good to see you, good to see you. How is your prick of a father doing these days." Adrian didn't quite know how to answer that. But he didn't really have to. Once his eyes started to regain their focus they moved from Adrian to me. I didn't know if he remembered me, I was thirteen when he last saw me. But as his eyes landed on me. It was clear he did.

"Dimka? What are you doing here?"

Adrian seemed confused.

"You know my Guardian, Uncle Rand?" Adrian had been mostly focused on Randall but was now looking at me. He didn't need to look at my aura to know my feelings. Despite my Guardian mask firmly in place, my knuckles were turning white from the sheer pressure I was putting on them, I might have even drawn some blood, clenching them hard.

"Guardian, huh, I heard you are one of the best Dimka. I am glad you are protecting Adrian. I just didn't think you would, you know, considering your disdain for my side of the family."

He made it sound like I was the problem here. Like I had kicked him out solely for his name. It made me even more likely to kill him in the next thirty seconds.

Adrian was starting to piece things together and so was I. I had always known that Adrian was related to me. I knew my father was an Ivashkov after all. But there are so many Ivashkovs, any close relation was a long shot, but it seemed we had beaten the odds, Adrian was my cousin, my first cousin. It was too much for my brain to handle.

I started to walk away. I had too, or I would do things I would regret, well maybe not regret, but could be thrown in jail for. I heard Adrian calling out to me. But I couldn't stay. I knew he would be safe here, so I exited the casino, knowing Adrian wouldn't follow. It was too dangerous right now.

I was bombarded with all the sights and sounds from Las Vegas. It was the middle of the night, meaning Las Vegas was very active. Normally I would chastise humans for their Ignorance of what might get them in the night, but right now I was grateful that I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts.

I wondered about the strip for a while, not really knowing where to go or what to do. I just needed a break. I just needed a moment away from my thoughts. Away from my pain of losing Rose. away from this idea I always have to be in control, so I don't turn into my father, away from the fact I died a few days ago. I just needed a break.

There were a ton of clubs in Las Vegas. I was staring at one that seemed pretty mainstream. I didn't know why I picked that one. I really didn't, but somehow that one called to me. I walked up to the bouncer and he quickly let me in, despite the long waiting line. I was used to it with Ivan in Moroi clubs. Him being rich and royal and young did that. But I guess I could also do it on my own. Good to know.

I walked into the club. Normally all the sounds and lights would be a bit much. Being Dhampir, my senses were heightened compared to humans, so being in a club like this wasn't particularly pleasant, but right now all my senses on overload was also making it hard to think, and that is just what I needed right now. I walked to the bar and ordered my first Vodka. It wasn't the authentic stuff, but not too bad.

I was violating my no-drinking-to-numb-emotions rule, but I was beyond caring. I knew I could handle a few shots, I trained my alcohol resistance much like I trained everything else. I knew what I could handle. I was just always worried about losing control. Not today, today I needed to lose control, today I needed to be anybody but myself, because being me sucked right now.

I didn't turn around to look at the club or the dancefloor until I had my third shot. Not nearly enough to get me drunk, but just enough to take the edge off. I felt a little nauseous though, maybe I was getting rusty.

I looked towards the dancefloor, there seemed to be some commotion, because everyone was gathered around someone on the dancefloor. I noticed it was mostly men. I stood up and walked a little closer. The nausea intensified when I got up, maybe the vodka had been stronger than I gave it credit for.

I moved more towards the front, when I finally saw what had drawn everyone's attention, or more so who, my heart skipped a beat.

Rose, my Roza, was standing in the middle of the dance floor. She was as beautiful as ever. Her long locks were down and she was wearing skin tight jeans with a silk top. It was sexy and classy. She was dancing to the rhythm of the music. She seemed so alive, so attuned to the music, I couldn't fault all these people for being mesmerized by her. I was. The way her hips swayed, how her hair bounced around and how she was drawing everybody in, it was simply mesmerizing. And in that moment, I could still pretend she was my Roza. and I wanted it to be true so badly.

But then she turned around and saw me in the crowd. She didn't stop dancing. It seemed she was dancing just for me. But as my eyes met hers, I could no longer pretend. Her beautiful and kind brown eyes were rimmed in a cruel red. I flinched as reality hit me. She wasn't longer my Roza.

She stopped for a moment as she took in my disappointment, she actually seemed upset by it. But it didn't matter. I didn't have time to contemplate why a Strigoi would ever be upset by my rejection, because the nausea intensified until I nearly keeled over. I looked around for the source, but the world went dark before I could.