Chapter 33:

DPOV

I ran back to the hotel. Luckily my access card was still in my duster pocket. They really hadn't searched my duster. The Strigoi hubris was working in my favor now. I closed my duster obscuring my bare chest. I turned up the collar and brushed some of my hair over my neck. I had lost my hair tie long ago. I probably had a spare in my pockets somewhere too. But I needed as much cover for my bitemark as I could find. I took the back entrance for the hired help hoping no one would see me.

I entered our suite and was glad the key card still worked. I had no idea how I would have explained my appearance to the desk clerk. I flung myself on my bed. I just wanted to sleep for three days straight. Maybe when I woke up, it would all have been a bad dream. I was in bed for a good ten minutes almost asleep when I heard the front door of the suite open and close.

I wasn't allowed my peace when I heard Adrian came into my room. He saw me and started yelling. His voice was shrill and it caused my newly forming headache to form that much faster.

"Well look who decided to grace us with his presence. I thought you were happy wherever you were and you wanted to be left alone."

The sneer is his voice was as sharp as the stake I had failed to kill Rose with. Both seemed to be mocking me.

I knew I hurt Adrian when I said those words, I would have to apologize to him later, I didn't have the energy right now. I just looked at him and I was trying hard not to let him see how broken I was at the moment. But he saw. His face and more importantly his voice instantly softened a bit.

"God Dimitri, what happened?"

Something flashed across his face. Like he just realized something.

"Did you... Did you kill her?"

He almost sounded as if he didn't want that to be true. I guess I wasn't the only one having a hard time letting her go.

I wanted to tell him I did. I wanted to tell him that I had been strong enough to set her free. But I hadn't been. I had been weak. Weak enough to let her do those things to me.

I sat up and looked at my hands. The hands that failed to set her free. The hands that had been on her thighs and back and hair moments before. I could still feel the warmth of her skin on them.

"No, I couldn't Adrian, I couldn't. I had the chance, after Rose and I… I couldn't do it. I failed her. I let myself believe there was still some Rose left in her, and sometimes I could hardly see the difference. I let her… God Adrian, I just needed her. It had been so long since I touched her, kissed her… I… wanted her. I…"

I couldn't say it. I couldn't acknowledge what I had done. What I let Rose do to me. And part of me knew I was in denial because of how much I enjoyed it.

"You slept with her." His voice was devoid of any emotion, the earlier softness gone. He wasn't judging me, but he didn't understand it either. He simply didn't know how to react.

"Yes," I answered in a small and ashamed tone.

He took in my appearance and especially the wound on my neck. I wondered if he could see it was a repeated bite? I couldn't imagine what I looked like. Blood on my neck, God knows what else on my pants. I was tired and hungry and broken.

"You let her feed off of you during sex, didn't you?"

What good did it do me if I denied it now.

"Yes."

He sat down across from me. I could tell he found it difficult not to judge. To be with a Strigoi, to let them feed off of you willingly, to sleep with them, it was unheard of. I knew many wouldn't understand. The evilness of them was ingrained into us. Their existence was something dark and twisted. To regard any of it as pleasurable was a betrayal to our society. Maybe Adrian could have understood if the roles were reversed. Biting during sex was something Moroi did too. I had no doubt Adrian would have. But being on the receiving end… no he couldn't understand that.

But Adrian also knew that I was in no mood for a lecture.

"What happened Dimitri, how did you get away from her?"

I closed my eyes. I could still see her eyes when she would look at me like the real Rose used to. I could still see the red around her irises dim.

"She looked so much like the old Rose, Adrian, she was nice and when she looked at me and touched me I could almost feel the old Rose coming through, but it was a lie. I was pretending things were the same. That things could be the same again. But when she sank her teeth into me and I… well I knew things were different now. This wasn't my Roza anymore. She may be close, closer than I ever thought was possible, but it wasn't her."

I looked down at my wrists and rubbed the marks left by the chains. The same chains I had captured Rose with. I shook my head to rid myself of the memory of how hurt she had looked at my betrayal.

"She chained me to the bed every time when she left my room and the shackles were still there. I clasped them on her, giving me time to escape the room. I took down the young Strigoi that was on watch. But Rose came after me. We fought and I somehow got an opening, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her. I don't think I can ever kill her Adrian."

I broke down again. I knew I could never put that stake through her heart. It made me weak, but I knew I would never be able to. I knew if the situation was reversed she could do it. She was so much stronger than me.

Relieve washed over his face. He ran his hand through his hair and placed his elbows on his legs, resting his weight on them, trying to collect his thoughts. He wanted to tell me, but he was struggling to start. I could feel nervousness and excitement through the bond.

"Good, because I think I have found another way."

I looked up at him and I saw hope in his eyes.

"another way to what?"

He was on the edge of his seat. He beamed. Why was he so happy?

"I met this spirit user in Las Vegas, He is a few pennies shy of a dollar if you know what I mean, but when I told him why we were here, and that I haven't seen you in a few days, fearing the worst, he told me of another way. A way to save Rose, a way to restore Rose to who she was before. We don't have to kill her, Dimitri, we can get her back."

I guess that was what his conversation with the spirit user was about. I had a single moment of excitement, a single moment when I pictured a tan Rose with beautiful brown eyes in my arms once more, before reality set in and I realized these were ramblings of an old crazy man, believed by a boy just as crazy. That couldn't be true. If it was, wouldn't we have known about it as a society?

"You can't bring back a Strigoi, Adrian, he told you a fairy tale."

"No, he didn't, I believe him. Spirit can do all sorts of things, I brought you back didn't I. We can always try. He told me I have to charm a stake with spirit and stake her with it. I have to be the one to do it. You told me yourself you can't kill her, so let me do it. If it works we have Rose back, if it doesn't we will have set her free."

He sounded so sure of himself. He believed it. He was willing to put his life on the line. But could I let him do it? But there was no way he was getting anywhere near Rose, he didn't have the skill.

"It's a suicide mission Adrian, you can't stake Rose, I am a highly trained guardian and I had a lot of trouble finding an opening to stake her."

He smiled, but it had little humor in it.

"I thought you said you wouldn't hesitate to let me die if it meant you could save Rose. You are beginning to actually sound like my guardian now Dimitri."

I chuckled. I remember when I had said that to him, back at the Academy. It felt like a lifetime ago. But somewhere in these last four months he had started to matter to me. I had indeed become his Guardian. I owed him my life, in more ways than one. And I had let him down. I had abandoned him for an illusion.

But I would never tell him that. I had more pride in me than to let him know he was important to me. I would never hear the end of it.

"But we don't know what will happen to me now if you die. I might die with you."

A smile formed on my face, but it held little humor. As if I really cared at the moment.

His smile grew. "I guess we either get her back or we die there and then."

Like it was supposed to be from the beginning. I saw Adrian was committed to this. There was no stopping him. He needed to do this for Rose but for himself too. If this was true, we would have found another amazing gift spirit would bring us.

I matched his smile and in that moment I saw the family resemblance. I guess we were doing this.

I showered after. It felt good to get clean. I would have opted for sleep instead, but I saw I had already left a bloodstain on the sheets. I looked in the mirror and I flinched. The wound on my neck was red and angry. I touched it and I hissed. Would I be reminded of Rose everytime I looked in the mirror now. This wound would definitely leave a scar. I wouldn't be the only Guardian with a bite wound, but most will assume I got it in battle. I don't know if I could handle people asking about it for the rest of my career.

Adrian walked into the bathroom with some food in his hands. He held it up to me showing me the content.

"Hey, cousin, brought you some food."

"Don't call me that."

His smirk reached his ears. By the sheer enjoyment he got from tormenting me, you would think we were brothers.

"Why not, we are cousins, are we not?"

I just groaned. Being related to Adrian was not something I ever considered possible. I hated my father and the things he did to us, but I couldn't really hold Adrian responsible for his actions. But when I thought of family I might have on my father's side I always hated them too. Unfair I know. Of course, Adrian was loving every minute of it. Part of it was because he simply liked torturing me. I knew this because I can hear his thoughts. But part of it was that he finally felt like he had a family. He didn't get along with his family very much. He hated his father, he loved his mother but she simply didn't understand him. Only Tatiana treated him like he could amount to something.

Oh God, Tatiana. I am related to the Queen. Not that it mattered; I was a Dhampir, but still. Puts things in perspective.

He placed the food down and looked me over. His eyes landed on the spot on my neck. I immediately placed my hand over it and looked down in shame. He walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt a hot and cold sensation run through me. I had felt it a couple of times before now. He withdrew his hands and I didn't have to look in the mirror that the mark was gone, no scar left in its wake. Adrian was saving me again.

"Thanks."

He waived his hands in the air, dismissing the comment. He sat down in the chair opposite me and opened the bag with food. He was smirking. Not good.

"I wonder what kind of things you got from our side of the family. Your stunning good looks? Your sense of duty…?"

"My amazing ability to tolerate fools?"

He smiled at that one. I did too. He was distracting me and it was working.

"No, you couldn't have gotten that from our side of the family. At least not if you want to believe my father. But I suppose a rocky relationship with a father is what you got. Not that I compare my passive aggressive father to your actual aggressive father, but still."

I wondered if that were true. Surely my father did a lot of damage in my home, but as bad as he was, he never laid a hand on us, only my mother and only when he was very drunk. But once I got rid of him, his influence on us was over. He wasn't home much, to begin with. My mother raised us and she raised us very well. But Nathan's influence over Adrian was still there. It had been there for his entire life. Telling him to go do something useful with his life. Disapproving of anything and everything Adrian did. Nathan was still doing damage to Adrian while my father's influence in my life had ceased years ago.

"You know Adrian. If I was going to find a long lost relative I am glad it was you."

He perked up a bit at that. I could see he appreciated my words.

"Because at least now I know that my sisters will be safe from you. Being related is probably the only thing that will stop you from making a move on them."

I grinned at him. He put his hands behind his back and laid back against the couch.

"Actually it is common in royal circles to wed cousins and relations, maybe not first cousins but in order to keep the royal blood pure, royals often look the other way."

I scrunch my nose up in disgust. If they were marrying for love maybe, but I knew most royals only had to have a mild affection towards one other for a marriage to be arranged. He laughed at my reaction.

"Well, every social class has its challenges."

I thought about who Adrian would end up with. I knew the rumors of Tatiana wanting him to marry Lissa. That will never happen for the both of them. But I doubt she would agree on anything less than a royal. Something came to mind and I decided to confront him about it.

"A challenge like accepting you love a human, an alchemist no less?"

He groaned and leaned back in his chair looking at the ceiling.

"I know it will never work. But when I am around her I… well I forget about all the reasons we shouldn't be together and I just want to kiss her. I know she isn't there yet. But I was grateful that she was here when you went away. I know I am naïve thinking it could amount to something."

"Don't give up just yet. I thought no one could resist your Ivashkov charm."

"No, they can't." A big smirk made its way onto his face. He was mocking me I could tell. "Rose couldn't either; except it wasn't my Ivashkov charm she fell for."

RPOV

I was at a club again. Las Vegas was prime hunting ground. It was just so easy here. And I needed the distraction. I needed to sink my teeth deep into a nice juicy human to suck my problems away. Problems caused by one giant but oh so sexy Russian.

I was haunted by Dimitri.

I shouldn't be this way. I have been living as a Strigoi for four months now. And I hadn't felt like I did around him in all that time. I also hadn't seen others like me feeling like I had around Dimitri either. I knew it was something that shouldn't be there. But it was. And I needed it gone. I needed him gone.

I had seen some recognition in Strigoi for their old life. Natalie still wanted to protect her father. Christian parents went back for him, costing them their lives. But I knew for some reason this was different. When he was close, I felt him. I felt more alive than I had before. I felt something spread through me from the inside out. Something I remembered. A piece of me. The piece of my soul he still held in his heart. I had felt it before with the darkness. No matter how far gone I was, that piece would resonate with me and call me home. It was no different now. All I wanted was to be with him. To feel that again. Somehow the starvation of love as a Strigoi made me crave it more.

And I hated him for it. It made me weak. I shouldn't be weak anymore. He got the better of me because I let him. I let him escape. I almost let him kill me just so he would feel better. I felt some sense of peace if I knew he could move on. But now that I am away from him I saw things clearly. He had used me. He took advantage of me. My momentary lapse in judgment had cost me dearly. The next time I would see him I would kill him.

Somehow that thought bothered me more than it should, but it needed to be done. It was the only way I could break his hold on me. It was the only way I could be free. I had spent too long being enslaved. I would not be again, by Dimitri or any other.

But tonight I needed to forget and indulge and drink my fill, so I was in the club hunting for my next meal. Tomorrow I would find Dimitri.

I liked the club. I moved to the rhythm of the beat like I had so many times before. I knew I looked beautiful like I always had been. I felt the eyes of many men on me. I reveled in the feeling. Which one of those poor bastards was going to be my prey next?

I thought about the night Dimitri had come in and I had felt his eyes on me. I could feel him even if I hadn't seen him yet. The moment I did my world stopped. I had felt it then too. He didn't look at me with lust, but with love. Until he saw my eyes. He rejected me at that moment. But instead of feeling angry I had felt hurt. That should have been my first clue. I should have snapped his neck right there and then, instead of trying to convince him to be awakened. Well… Live and learn.

I looked around the room and saw a tall man with dark brown hair. He, like all the others, was looking my body over. They were always so concerned with my body, they never saw my eyes. I walked over to him and I pressed my body up against him. I grinded into him on the dance floor. I turned a little and kept my head down, but I might as well have looked straight at him. He was too concerned with my breasts. Once he was turned on enough I walked away and around the corner of the club swaying my hips. He followed me like a lost puppy. They were always so eager to walk to their deaths.

I pressed the man against the wall and started to lick his neck. He shivered underneath me. He tried to talk, no doubt reveling in his own prowess. I couldn't handle another. 'Oh yeah, baby, you like that don't you.'

So I placed my hand over his mouth and continued licking and sucking his neck. Getting the arteries to swell a little. Where other Strigoi were sometimes inpatient and simply dragged their victims into the alley and quieted their screams by draining them, I lured my victims into my net. They came willingly to their own deaths. By the time they knew what I was doing it was too late. Now that was power. No compulsion, no violence. They simply followed me.

I had prepared my meal and he was moaning underneath me. I could feel him getting hard against me. Disgusting. There was only one man I wanted and this certainly wasn't him. I sank my teeth in maybe a little harder than necessary. He didn't even scream. I drained him of every last drop of his blood in record time.

His body fell to the floor. At least the arrogant look on his face was gone.

I licked my lips. Although blood just didn't taste the same anymore. It would satisfy my hunger, but after I had Dimitri's I just didn't want anybody else's. His had felt so good, flowing down my throat. I had enjoyed that immensely. I understood now why Moroi wanted blood whores. The feeling of feeding and coming at the same time was amazing. I knew Dimitri enjoyed it too, although he would never admit it. But I felt him come inside of me the moment I sank my teeth into him. No doubt he is pouting somewhere feeling guilty of becoming my own personal blood whore.

I was saddened by the idea that once I killed him I would never get to experience that with him. The two times would have to be enough. I couldn't allow Dimitri to live, but I also knew I couldn't afford to drink from him, he was too dangerous. Well maybe once I snapped his neck. Even he can't fight me when he is dead.

I walked back into the club, I was full but wanted to enjoy myself for a bit. I still loved dancing. There is something primal about dancing. Moving to the rhythm of the music and letting go of things playing in your mind. I was more attuned with the animal instincts in me now. Hunger felt like I was starved for days, anger felt like a raging tornado and lust… well I was actually glad my Dimitri had been there with a piece of my soul, otherwise I would have probably have ripped him apart. I would have to find a new release once he was gone.

After about fifteen minutes I was starting to attract a crowd again. I didn't let any man dance with me this time no matter how many tried. I wanted the space all to myself. That was until I saw someone I would enjoy dancing with. The small smile on my face turned into a full wide grin. He would do nicely. I wondered if I sucked him dry,if Dimitri would feel it.

He walked up to me but kept his distance. He looked me over and I saw him shake his head. He had his hands in his pockets. He was as casual as ever, but I could hear his heart moving a little faster. Even if the music was loud, I could hear his fear beating in his chest. I could practically smell it.

"Hey little Dhampir, I see being dead hasn't changed your delicious body. You look hot. If only this was a private showing."

He contemplated his own words, he actually had his finger tapping his chin.

"Well, I guess little Dhampir isn't accurate anymore."

I moved a little closer, but Adrian backed up a bit. Smart. He was covering his fear up with sarcasm. I wouldn't expect anything less from him.

"Ah, my own personal puppy dog. Always following me around, wanting what you can't have. But if you are here, that means he is too."

He shrugged his shoulders. If I moved quickly, I could drain him and Dimitri would come in just as I drained the last drop. Would he want to kill me then? It would be so much easier if he did.

"He is around somewhere."

I looked around the club, but I couldn't see him. I also couldn't feel him. I could always tell when he was near. When I turned back around, Adrian was walking out of the club towards the back alley. I followed. I was going to find Dimitri tomorrow but if he was here, the sooner the better.

I walked outside and I saw Adrian standing in the back alley with a stake in his hands. His face was serious. He had the stake raised.

I did the only thing I could do in that situation. I laughed.

I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheek. Although Strigoi can have humor, the things they found funny wasn't remotely what other people found funny. But Adrian with a stake trying to kill me was universally funny, no matter what state I was in.

He pouted at me, actually pouted. I laughed harder. Had he really thought he would come in and kill me all by himself? I wondered now if Dimitri was even here. He would never let Adrian go out on his own trying to kill me. Although I imagined Dimitri had the same reaction I did. He would have laughed in his face. Maybe that was how Adrian got here. He escaped while Dimitri was rolling around on the floor, laughing.

Then suddenly I felt him. I could smell his aftershave, I could hear his heartbeat, I could feel that piece of my soul inside of him pulling me towards him. But it was too late. I was so distracted by Adrian I didn't register Dimitri until he was very close to me. I thought he would have staked me from behind, but instead, he pinned my hands behind my back and kept me locked in place. He was holding me very close to his body in an attempt to keep me secure. I could feel his hot breath on my skin. I heard him whisper in my ear.

"I love you."

It was then that Adrian came charging at me and sunk the stake into my chest with both hands.

At first, I felt the flesh part for the metal of the stake and felt a searing pain. I wanted to scream but no sound came out. The pain was too much. Just when I thought I would pass out from the pain and enter the next world, the pain stopped and didn't feel anything at all for a moment. There was a bright light and I could feel the world being pushed away around me. It was as if in that moment the world stopped. I wasn't anything anymore. In that moment Rose didn't exist. I preferred that moment to the next. It felt like I was being shattered into a million pieces and one by one they were being assembled back together. Each piece was filled with something before coming back to me. I recognized what was filling me up again. My soul. My life. I felt life return to me. I could feel my blood become hotter. I could feel the air filling my lungs. I could feel my heart beating on its own instead of the dark magic that had fueled it before. A moment later I was on the floor of the alley gasping for air, screaming. The world looked different. Dimmer, quieter. The only sound I could hear was my own voice breaking.

The experience was too much. I felt like my body would burst from what they had put back in. I couldn't take it. I couldn't breathe. I was on the ground, crying, whaling, anything to make the feeling go away. I felt strong arms around me, picking me up on his lap. I was grabbing his shirt as if it was the only thing keeping me sane. I felt his hands rub my back and stroke my hair. He whispered things in my ear, but I didn't understand them. I don't know if I was supposed to.

"We need to get her out of here." I recognized that voice.

I could feel the owner of the arms that were around me nod. He looked down at me and I looked up at him. I saw warm chocolate eyes. Tears were streaming down his face. I lifted one hand up to touch those tears, tears shed for me. He did the same to me. I felt so much love come from those strong hands that I never wanted to let them go. I needed them because if he let go I would be in the cold again. I would feel that horrible suffocating feeling again.

But he didn't let go. He picked me up and carried me close to him. I could hear his heartbeat in his chest and I found it calming. He was walking together with the other man. The man that had staked me. I was so tired. It felt like I hadn't slept in months. I closed my eyes only for a moment before I lost consciousness.