Chapter 38:
DPOV
A week has passed. Adrian has become a pain to deal with. I wondered if the darkness had something to do with it. He was all over the place. One moment happy and living on top of the world, the next outright depression. I wanted to help, I just didn't know how yet. Luckily Adrian had found the liquor cabinet and learned just how strong real Russian Vodka was.
There had been no change with Rose. I didn't know what to do anymore. I tried everything. She still barely talked. I was reminded about the words my grandmother had spoken. I just didn't know what she meant by them.
Something needed to change. If I thought that all Rose would need was time I wouldn't push. I wouldn't expect anything from her. But that wasn't it. She was hiding. She wasn't confronting her fears. That had never been Rose. As a matter of fact I could count the times Rose had been truly afraid on one hand.
She just sat in the sun all day and clung to me all night. Not that I didn't enjoy that, but whenever I wanted to talk about it, or even anything from her old life. Her mother, Lissa, anything, she would shut down. I had read up on traumatic experiences and dealing with them. But no psychology book covered coming back from being an evil undead monster. And so far nothing had seemed to remotely help. I was getting desperate. I could see the old Rose underneath the surface. Sometimes she would emerge, but it was almost as if she didn't want to come out again. That resembling her old self was a bad thing.
I had two people I cared about and had no idea how to help either of them. It was frustrating to say the least. I felt useless. We couldn't stay here forever. Adrian would eventually go back to the US. We needed something done, but I was powerless. What good is my bloodmaster seven title now? I couldn't save Rose back at the Academy and I had no idea how to help her now. And I had been nothing but a burden to Adrian. He had put his life on hold to save me. He had saved my life bonding him to me, because I had been reckless and he had saved Rose where I couldn't. And I couldn't even take his darkness because I feared I might go insane. Rose had taken the darkness willingly for Lissa. She had been a lot stronger than me.
We sat around the breakfast table and it was busy. With the babies and three more people in the house it was crowded. Rose seemed to like Paul though and Paul seemed to like Rose, I wondered if I had competition? But the interactions of Rose with Paul was very illustrative of her current state. It was called regression, I had read that much in those otherwise useless books. People will regress to a younger self because life was easier then. Only impulse and response mattered. But Rose needed to go back to being an adult. Well the eighteen year old, reckless, passionate girl.
"Oh come on Sonya, you totally borrowed my top without asking and now it is all stretched out and ruined." Viktoria whined. Was her voice always so shrill?
"Are you saying I have bigger boobs than you do, Viktoria?" My sister smirked.
Ah the endless bickering of my sisters. It was familiar, in a way I had missed it. A warmth spread through me, remembering all those times I still lived at home and my sisters would bicker. If you didn't take my father into account. I had had a very happy childhood, one I was reminded off ever since I stepped through the front door.
"No, you have ginormous shoulders and quite a bit of baby weight." Viktoria countered.
Oh this wasn't going to end well. They kept bickering like that back and forth. The volume of their voices increasing with passing seconds.
My eldest sister sat down next to me, her morning coffee in hand.
"You know, sometimes I am jealous. They only fight with each other but not with me. You always fight most with the one you love. I am actually surprised Viktoria hasn't been picking more fights with you. She adores you."
I laughed at my oldest sister. The laughter and my sister's antics seemed to banish my earlier dark thoughts. I don't know if that was a sign of love but it was a nice way of looking at it.
That is when it hit me. I knew what I was doing wrong with Rose.
"You and the kids going out today?" I asked hopefully
Karolina looked at me.
"You want some peace and quiet?"
"Actually I do."
I had a plan, but I didn't want any witnesses or people intervening.
"Sonya has to work, I promised to take the kids."
"Mind taking all children? Including Adrian?" I asked, only half joking.
She laughed.
"Oh be nice. He is actually pretty good with the kids."
Yeah because he can relate to them. But I was grateful. My grandmother would let me get away with it. It was her idea. But Adrian and my mom were another matter. They were very protective of Rose.
My grandmother stared at me and nodded. She had been waiting for me to figure it out. And it had taken me a week. I had seen her get frustrated with me. Well, if she had just told me, I could have done this a week ago.
She told my mother they would be going to market. My mother was surprised. Babushka rarely left the house anymore, but she knew better than to go against my grandmother's wishes.
I nodded back acknowledging her. It would just be me and Rose. Perfect.
After breakfast the house cleared out. Viktoria was in school, Sonya at her job, Adrian, the kids and Karolina were at the park and she assured me they would stay there for a while. We were completely alone for a few hours.
Rose finally noticed we were alone.
"Come one, Let's go outside."
I walked outside and she followed like I knew she would. My fist clenched at my side. This better work. Once we were outside I turned around swiftly and did something I didn't want to do, but I was desperate.
I punched her side, hard.
It would hurt, but a trained guardian like Rose would be able to take it. We had done it a million times in sparring.
I finally knew what Babushka was telling me. Rose and I were very physical people. We have always communicated best with our bodies. Be it on the mat or in bed. Sparring was when I felt closest to Rose, where we were completely in sync. I just hoped she would see it that way.
She fell to the ground but she caught herself on her hands. She turned her head around fast and I saw the fire in her eyes that I had missed for so long.
"When you died, I lost everything. I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist. I hunted you, I tried to kill you. I went through hell trying to set you free. I want that passionate reckless loyal funny girl back. I want my equal back. I want my Roza back. And by the Gods I will have her, even if I have to beat her out of you!"
I poured everything I had in that speech. I needed her to hear me. I needed her to understand. I didn't want to hurt her. This wasn't to hurt her. But I also wouldn't back down.
I charged her and I saw her crouch down into a defensive position. I attacked and hit home. But she didn't fall down this time. She collected herself and blocked my next attack. She spun around and landed a kick right into my stomach. It hurt like hell, but I never thought a kick could feel so good.
We got into a rhythm, and I realized I hadn't just missed Roza's laugh or fiery nature, I had missed sparring with her. It was here I felt complete. She matched me toe to toe. It didn't feel like we were fighting it felt that we were dancing except my lip was already bleeding and I would have a couple of bruises in the morning, and I knew she would to. But I didn't care. I didn't feel the bruises, all I felt was joy while I was beating up the woman I loved. I could practically hear music while the rhythm of the fight was raging on.
It wasn't the only thing that was raging. Rose was furious. I could feel it when she punched me. I could feel it when she kicked me. I could feel Rose, all of Rose. She wasn't underneath the surface anymore. She was here out in the open, bringing down hell on me.
Now to take it to the next level. I moved towards her and I slapped her defensive arms away and I closed the distance between us. My hands reached towards both her cheeks. I pulled her close and I kissed her.
First I could feel her shock because she froze, for a moment I thought she would push me away or kick me in the groin or something, but she relaxed against me and put her hands around my neck pulling herself up and at the same time pulling me down a bit. She returned the kiss with a fiery passion. Fighting and loving had always been intertwined with us. I held on to much control and she was too stubborn to give in. But when we fought it was just instinct, I had activated her instinct, and her instincts would lead her back to me.
It didn't stop with a kiss. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I leaned her against a tree in the backyard for support. She threw her head back and I used that moment to switch from her lips to her neck and her collarbone. I heard and felt her breath hitch as she was digging her nails into my shirt.
She began to pull off my shirt. I started to unbutton hers. They were both quickly discarded. There was a franticness to our movements. Like the first time a starving person tasted food again. I had been starving. Starving for my Roza. Now I needed to touch her, everywhere I could. The moment my hands left her body to go elsewhere I would feel the loss. I noticed she had the same problem. Instead of going the direct route and leaving my body to unbuckle my pants, she just slipped her hands over my chest, over my abdomen and finally let her hands rest on the rim of my pants. I moved my hands down her back and hips until they were on her thigh and helped her support herself on me. I needed the barrier removed between us.
Rose had gone through the clothes Sydney and Adrian had bought for her and she was now wearing clothes from Viktoria, while we washed her clothes. I tried not to think about that too much. The woman that I was desperate to be inside of, sharing a similar body to my little sister. Either I had to consider my sister as hot and sexy as I did Rose, or I would have to look at Rose more like a child, like I still saw my sister. Neither train of thought would work for me.
She was wearing short shorts, very stretchy short shorts. So instead of putting her down and removing said shorts and panties I simply moved it out of the way and inserted my fingers. I heard Rose whimper. I could feel her juices running down my fingers as I moved in and out of her, Rose panting against me. She was no longer holding onto me but was gripping the tree hard above her head tilting her body forward. I took the opportunity to get rid of her bra and started to gently suck on her nipple. It wasn't easy. I had to support her entirely on my hip for a moment while one hand was busy taking off her bra and another was busy getting her off. But luckily my body had made a hard barrier to help support her.
I slid my own pants down and at the moment Rose climaxed I replaced my fingers with my cock, elongating her orgasm. I could feel her pulsate around my cock and I nearly lost it there and then. But I held it together and started moving in and out of her. Rose's cries and whimpers urging me on. I was wondering if they started to attract attention from the neighbors. So I lifted Rose up, myself still buried deep inside of her and moved us inside. My goal was to head up to the bedroom, but I realized it was too far. So I placed her on the kitchen table and pounded into her. The shorts were starting to get in my way so I decided to remove them by ripping them from her body. Realizing then that her panties were still on too. I had to stop to remove them and when I did Rose got up and walked a few feet towards the stairs. She shimmied her panties off and seductively walked up the stairs. I had picked her up and my cock was in its rightful place again before we made it to the end of the stairs. We did end up in the bed eventually, just in time for Rose's climax to meet mine.
We lay in our bed trying to catch our breath.
"I am sorry." I knew it ended good, but I did beat her up a bit. I was tracing some marks that were already blooming into bruises.
She snuggled closer to me. She was holding on to be, I felt her shiver.
"Don't be. I needed it."
She turned around and was looking at me with tears in her eyes.
"I just didn't know if you could love me. If you still wanted me."
I was shocked. Of course I still loved her. I have always loved her. I removed a tear that had fallen down her face.
"I love you Rose. and you are the only one I want."
She looked sceptic. Why was this an issue? I have always loved Rose and she had been the only one I had wanted since the moment I met her.
Oh wait. That wasn't entirely true.
"You didn't know if I still wanted you after…"
"After you slept with… her." She finished for me. There was a harsh tone to her words. I assumed it was directed at me.
"I am sorry Rose. I really am. I am so ashamed I gave into… her." There was definitely a difference between them even if they had shared a body. If she needed to distance herself from her Strigoi variant, I would follow her lead.
"I was so lost without you. I held onto any part of you I could. You were so close when I was with you. I could feel you just underneath the surface. I couldn't let you go. I wanted to keep you with me. I…"
I noticed I was shivering too. Remembering the times I had spent in the Strigoi compound was hard, not because of what she had done to me, but because I had left knowing I had lost her. I can't believe it was only a few weeks ago. The trauma was still very clear in my mind.
She leaned into me. Her face was gentle. None of the hardness I had seen earlier was in her eyes now. She touched my face.
"I was so close. I could feel you inside of me when you were close. I was more myself when you were around. My soul resonated within you calling me home to you. But my Strigoi self loathed you for it, once you were far enough away from her. She wanted to kill you."
She dropped her hands down into her lap.
"I didn't know if you would still want to be with me, after she had fed off of you. I didn't know if being close to me brought back those memories."
I almost laughed. She was trying to protect me by staying away. She wanted to hide because of what she had done to me, and I didnt want to bring it up because of what I had done to her.
"It was certainly a wake-up call, I had deluded myself you were still you. When she fed off of me when we slept together, I was finally awake. But I blame myself for being weak. When I see you now, I don't know how I could have ever believed that Rose to be the real one. But I don't blame you Rose, And I don't know if I regret it, because it all led us here. I had been too weak to kill you. But that gave Adrian the chance to save you."
Her eyes glistened with tears, but I could tell from the small smile on her face, they were tears of happiness or at least relief.
"You blame you and I blame me. Great, we could have done this a week ago." She sniggered and threw her hands up. I groaned. That would have been nice. But I honestly doubted it. She had needed to heal on more accounts.
I pulled her close to me while holding her face in my hands.
"I will always love you Rose. In any shape of form. And I will always want you. If you hadn't noticed I have been fighting a losing battle on that front for a long time now."
I kissed her, she returned it, but I could feel her heart wasn't in it. Something was weighing down on her.
"Would you still feel the same way, if you knew the things I had done?"
I knew I would. Because part of me had loved Strigoi Rose too.
""Rose, being turned is something that was done to you. the things you have done were out of your control."
I wanted her to believe it, but her eyes weren't meeting mine anymore, and she pulled away from my embrace.
"Were they?"
Well of course they were. But obviously she felt differently.
"Being Strigoi was like being the worst part of me. Yes, the bloodlust was something from the monster they put in me. That was out of my control. But what I was willing to do to Lissa, what I did to you, my need to prove myself and work myself up. That piece of violence was always inside of me. It is still in there now."
I think I understood her a bit better. It wasn't that she couldn't be herself anymore, she just didn't want to be herself anymore, because she thought that her nature was what made her so good and violent as a Strigoi. I realized she was right in a sense, but that wasn't a bad thing.
"Roza, listen to me. We are both very physical people that have a need to fight. Some guardians become guardians because they want to protect people, but it is more for us, we are born to fight and protecting people we love is a way for us to use it for good. But you will fight for anything you believe in no matter the consequences. That isn't a bad thing, Roza, it is a beautiful thing, it is what I love about you, but when you turned, it became twisted and turned into something dark, but that isn't your fault. It is the fault of whoever turned you."
She nodded, but there was still something bugging her. She felt guilty for the things she had done. I hadn't seen many of those things. The only things I had witnessed were her reaction to me and to...
"Is that why you don't want to see Lissa, you don't want her to know?"
She bit her lip. A lip I wanted to suckle on so bad. I was already feeling myself get hard. Focus Dimitri, focus. There will be time for that later. I hoped.
"When I was Strigoi I did a lot of bad things, I killed a lot of people, but those were anonymous. I didn't know any of them, and although I feel bad about it, I know that wasn't my fault, but what I was planning to do to Lissa, that was me. I still loved you, I still wanted to be with you, but I hated her, what does that say about me?"
She couldn't look me in the eye anymore.
"How can I expect her to still want to be around me? She is better off without me."
So that was it. I remembered that as a Strigoi Rose had resented Lissa. And that resentment had been rooted in Rose before she was turned. But I don't think Lissa would hold her plans against her. She would be too happy to know Rose was alive again. Although Lissa could be entitled, maybe she would take offence eventually. But there was no use thinking what she might or might not think.
"Maybe, but that is her decision to make, not yours. You two were like sisters, but she also relied on you too much and you sheltered her too much. If you want her in your life and she wants you in hers, something has got to change, you need your own life and she needs hers."
Rose nodded, but I doubt I was getting through. Rose seemed unconvinced.
"Maybe we can just stay here. I like it here. Nobody needs to know I am back." She almost whispered. She was pouting like a little child.
I laughed. I knew she was being slightly serious, but I laughed at the thought of Rose Hathaway leading a quiet anonymous life.
"If I thought it would make you happy, I would stay here forever with you. But you know that you can't stay away from Lissa and that life. You need to involve yourself in the life of a guardian, we both do. Besides Adrian will eventually return to court or at least America. And I kind of think I need to go with him."
I owed him a lot. I didn't only need to be his Guardian I also wanted to. And I knew we would both be bored out of our minds if we stayed here. Just sparring, okay fighting, in the backyard had felt so good, not just because I was fighting Rose, but because I got some actions again. I was starting to grow a little restless here. And I knew that since Rose was starting to be Rose again, she would be soon too.
"I know. But we don't have to go right now, right?"
I pulled her close to me. Kissing the top of her hair.
"No, we can stay here as long as you want. But I don't know how long Adrian will be able to stay away from the US. He met a girl there."
She looked around and smiled, well smirked actually, all serious conversation about Lissa forgotten.
"Oh, do tell."
It amazed me, the ability every girl had to pay attention to little titbits of juicy information.
"She is nice, a little neat, but absolutely perfect for Adrian, but she is human and an Alchemist."
I swear her mouth dropped.
"Noooo, really, Noooo, Adrian and a human?... What is an Alchemist?"
Oh yeah right, Rose didn't graduate, she wouldn't have been told about the Alchemists. When I explained it to her she laughed.
"Oh this is too rich. If Tatiana was not happy about me, she definitely would have a problem with this Sydney, but you are right, she is just what he needs. But if they are so scared of vampires, you sure the feeling is mutual?"
"I am sure. Sydney is just better at hiding it, and I don't think she knows what to do with her feelings, Adrian has been a rebel his entire life, whereas Sydney has never broken a rule in her life… You might have seen her actually, she bought you those clothes, but I don't know if you noticed her, you were kind of… out of it."
I saw Rose think hard.
"Oh yeah, I think I remember her. Pretty in a business kind of way." That would be her.
I heard the front door open and heard someone enter the house. I heard a very angry person stomping up the stairs. Viktoria by the sound of it. I momentarily thought about all the clothes left in our wake. They were all over the yard, the kitchen and all up the stairs. Not to mention all the furniture we had bumped over and stuff I had pushed off the counter to have Rose.
The door flung open and I saw a fuming Viktoria stand in the doorway holding her torn shorts.
Rose was half on top of me, the sheets pooling at her hips. She was pressed against me so all her good bits were covered so were mine although just barely.
"What the hell?" Viktoria screamed uncaringly about the compromising position we were in. Rose smirked at me. Oh how I had missed her fire. She wrapped the sheets around her and got up leaving a pillow on me to cover me.
"Sorry, Viktoria, we will get you a new one."
She grabbed the shorts out of her hands and shrugged.
"But, but, you two."
Viktoria's anger was subsiding and she was realizing exactly why the shorts were torn apart. Her anger made way for embarrassment. Rose honed in on her embarrassment like a vulture.
"Oh come on Viki, This can't be the first time this happened. I know I wasn't your brother's first. I mean that can't all be raw talent, some of it has to be experience."
There was a large smirk on her face. She enjoyed torturing my little sister, although I didn't appreciate she was doing it with my sexual prowess as a topic. But I loved that I had my Roza back. The funny feisty rebellious Rose. It didn't matter that my little sister was staring at an almost naked Rose or that the only barrier between my member and the eyes of my little sister was a small pillow, I had the woman I loved back.
"Ew, Ew, Ew, Are you guys done now. I have to study, and I don't want to hear you guys being… busy."
"Yes, Viktoria, we are done."
I answered but Rose turned her head around and pouted. She looked incredibly sexy and it took all I had to keep the pillow in place while I had a raging erection underneath.
"And here I was hoping for round two." Rose seemed to know what effect she had on me and swayed her hips while she was walking towards me.
"Viki, go study at a friend's house."
"What, Why? Why do I have to go?"
"Now!"
I pulled Rose towards me and I had her pinned to the bed very fast. She was still mostly covered except the pillow on me was gone. I was titled towards Rose so Viktoria still couldn't see anything, but my intentions were clear.
Very clear as I began to suck the sensitive spot on her neck.