So I ended up in jail because dirty diana sued me for libel. I don't what I said. All I said was that she arse so big when she sits on a rainbow skittles pour out. It ain't got nothing to do with the stories I said about her on Wattpad where she was the evil witch that tried to steal my boyfriend because he wanted one of his eight dicks. She can fuck off.
Me and my boyfriend with eight dicks survived the zombie apocalypse with dragon games and disobedience. They were hungry so I gave them chocolate from the tap of my bowel because they're into some sick shit. I mean why would anybody wanna eat a human. We're gross. I can understand chicken because chicken is delicious with all kinds of sauces, especially my boyfriend's milk because it's vegan, gluten free and low in calories so I can have as much as I want and won't be fat like Kyle's mom in Colarado.
So here we are in the club having a party with ninjas and the dance moves are so hot one momnt they're rubbing their groins on the floor the next they're all making out like a yaoi fangirl's wet dream. It's the ultimate orgy of homosexuality and it's gonna make all the conservative world leaders get so mad. Yeah stay bros. You're all just jealous because One Direction is the best band ever because Harry Styles is my grandma and my boyfriend has eight dicks and they're all so dick he has to wear the biggest nappy in the world because his bladder can't handle the weight. They're so invisiable all you see is a thong and vagina cake.
Autistic people are sexy. I don't know why the world hates autistic people so much. I mean look at them, they're so sexy and adorable. Theu should be tied up and spanked like hoes. But they're not allowed to touch any of my boyfriend's eight dicks. No they all belong to me.
You should see me in miso soup where I perform in bowl of hot soup to my patrons who are lonely virgins who need to be spanked and have their balls bitten because of the way they treat women because think they are so nice that they are entitled to sex and think they are not like other guys because deep down they're jealous because they are assholes and have no idea what a vagina is and think it's okay to rips bums without consent well how dare you.
One piece of story is that me and my boyfriend with eight dicks wanted to go on a honeymoon in Wuhan, but computer said no, so we went to the white house and the President grabbed me by the pussy and was blasted off by one of my boyfriend's eight dicks because he is so good to me nd protects me whenb I need to. And the sex is so good that there is a white flood that covers all of America and it gives the white house a more reason to keep their name because wow oh wow fucking in the white house was my ultimate fantasy and now that I HAVE ACHIVED THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.
So in case Wattpad takes down all my stories again, I will upload my masterpiece, Harry Styles in my Grandma. This is the story about how Harry Styles is my Grandma. It's a true story. And I'm not on drugs believe me. I was once a number one writer on Wattpad and got a million readers, but Wattpad took my stories down. Now I am back with stories that will make you laugh, cry and make you bi. I am the author of My Boyfriend Has 8 Penises, I'm Not Really Japanese and I Love My Boyfriend. I AM POTATO!
Once upon a time in a far away land called Hollywood. There lived a pretty little girl, the only Americian Asian in the neighbourhood. Yeah that's me, the super hot girl with gothic curls in the unicorn onsie. Hey there! How are you? I am fine. How are you. I'm glad you've come to read my diary and join me on my journey. It's all thanks to my wonderful grandmother, Harry Styles. She fluttered around in her velvet wings and emerald slippers munching on Liam Payne's Twinkies. Yeah in case you didn't know, Liam Payne is my grandfather.
This story is crazy. I am in the internet. Oh my god. I'm in a Wattpad book. I'm in a One Direction Group. Guys, I'm squealing. I can't control my voice. My fingers are shaking and I've lost my voice. My throat burns and my common sense is melting. This is so amazing I think I'm going to splurt out a dozen languages.
One Direction is holy and sacred. I am a part of the new Bible. My body is not ready for this, it will never be ready for this. This is the best thing ever since Sushi from Japan. One Direction es sagrado y sagrado. Soy parte de la nueva Biblia. Mi cuerpo no está listo para esto, nunca estará listo para esto. Esto es lo mejor desde el sushi de Japón. Zuzendaritza bat santua eta sakratua da. Biblia berriaren zati bat naiz. Nire gorputza ez dago horretarako prest, inoiz ez da horretarako prest egongo. Hau Japoniako Sushi-tik inoizko gauzarik onena da. Satu Arah adalah kudus dan sakral. Saya adalah bagian dari Alkitab yang baru. Tubuh saya tidak siap untuk ini, tidak akan pernah siap untuk ini. Ini adalah hal terbaik sejak Sushi dari Jepang. One Direction is heilig en heilig. Ik maak deel uit van de nieuwe Bijbel. Mijn lichaam is hier niet klaar voor, het zal hier nooit klaar voor zijn. Dit is het beste sinds Sushi uit Japan. Одно Направление является святым и священным. Я часть новой Библии. Мое тело не готово к этому, оно никогда не будет готово к этому. Это лучшая вещь со времен суши из Японии. 一つの方向は神聖で神聖です。 私は新しい聖書の一部です。 私の体はこれの準備ができていません、これの準備は決してできません。 これは日本からの寿司以来、最高のものです。一個方向是神聖而神聖的。 我是新聖經的一部分。 我的身體還沒有為此做好準備，它永遠也不會為此做好準備。 這是自日本壽司以來最好的事情。
"Sakura!" cried the boombastic voice of Granny Harry Styles. In her hand was a pint of wine. "Drink this. You're not you when you're thirsty."
"Yes Granny Harry. You light up my world like nobody else."
Granny Harry nodded. He was dripping in pearls and rainbows. "Yes now drink it."
What the hell Granny Harry is giving me wine. I gulp it quick and then I pick up my scarf to wear so I can go the mushroom bus to school. It's such a blessing having Harry Styles as my grandma. I know I'M 18 and it's 9AM, I should really act my age. I'm alive in another world. I'm doing my best. I do everything back for you, Granny Harry. Yours song about watermelons is the best song ever. It's better than words.
"C'mon! C'mon!" Granny Harry patted my bum. "You need to catch the mushroom bus to school." Nothing can change my mind. This world is amazing. Granny Harry waves at me as I go to the mushroom bus and use my ticket to hop on.
"It's time to change your ticket," the bus driver Zayn said to me. He did that and then I sat next to one of the clouds on the bus. Granny Harry blew a kiss at me then went back and had some sexy time with Liam.
Diana with the pink flowers in her hair bounced on my lap. "Does he know?"
"Know what?"
"That you're a raging homophobe!" Diana bites my nose then pushes me to the floor.
"DON'T DRAG ME DOWN!" I yell.
OH MY GOD WHAT A CUNT! I BITE HER BACK IN THE FANNY AND SHE SCREAMS. "DON'T FORGET WHERE YOU BELONG IN THE ZOO WITH ALL THE CROCODILES."
"You're just jealous at the end of the day."
"I hate everything about you."
Whatever she says about me: I'm fireproof. She can't take me down. Even when she breathes fire and burns my unicorn onsie, it comes back to life. It's angelic fool's gold.
"NEXT STOP FOREVER YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL!" Zayn announced into his cornish pastie microphone.
"GIRL ALMIGHTY!" Donald Trump III cried out with his bleached wig and baggy suit. "God only knows it's gotta be you, Sakura Bum that causes a comotion."
Anyone with half a heart would know I would happily take on anything because Harry Styles is my grandma and my boyfriend has eight dicks. Okay in real life I don't have a boyfriend, I'm a single pringle who mingles tingles but this isn't real life. Is it real life? Is it fantasty. Either way I am caught in a manslide of rainbows. No escape from reality. I need to open my eyes to the candyfloss gates of FOREVER YOUNG HIGHSCHOOL.
The Heart Attack Heroes squad are the first to leave the bus. They're the sporty group with their big muscles and big hearts. I want to take them all home. Diana came up to me and apoligised. "I should have kissed you. I want to write you a song."
"I want you to go away!" I said back.
"I wish I would if I could fly."
Sometimes I wonder if this world is an illusion. The possibilies are irreistiable and infinity and beyond. "STOP!" I grab Diana's neck when she's just bout to leave the bus. "I'll kiss you. This is going to be the last first kiss."
The little things jiggling in the little black dress is full of little white lies. Diana and I live while we're young. We've come a long way down.
"I love you goodbye," Diana said.
"I loved you first."
How the hell did that happen? There's only way to explain it: MAGIC! I can't wait to have midnight memories and more moments like this. There's never enough na na na. And when the night changes some will be vampires, some will be werewolves. I'll still be Sakura Bum who is the number one author on Wattpad.
Mr. Rucka Rucka Ali is our home tutor. He made many number one singles in the USA including Ching Chang Chong, Ebola (Na na), Corona (Na na) and Go Cops. He is a great teacher he makes amazing songs. Nobody compares ninja suprirse classes to the classes of Rucka Rucka Ali.
"Now!" says Mr. Rucka Rucka Ali. "You will work all day, every day, till Christmas Day, Confusus say. You must all tell the class your goals."
We all go up one by one and tell the class our dreams. Olivia has a once in a lifetime dream to ride every penis in the high school. Toya Lette, my best friend from the zoo wants to write a book of poetry about toilets. One way or another Willy Dick wants to give teenage kicks to the girl next door.
It seems like everyone is going over and over again and then when it comes to my turn I am pumped with enegy. I take a deep breath abd think aabout wining and dining and walking to the beach after achieving my dreams. "I WANT TO RULE WATTPAD. I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE WRITER ON WATTPAD. I WILL WRITE AMAZING STORIES THAT WILL MAKE YOU CRY, LAUGHT AND MAKE YOU BI!"
My speech was perfect and I was ready to run.
Diana looked at me. "But Sakura Bum you're the worst writer in the world!" Our love is dying. I've never been a quitter and I'm not gonna stop because my bottom bitch says I suck at writing. I'm tired of her shit. Rock me I always make the same mistakes.
"It's okay Sakura," said Mr. Rucka Rucka Ali. "Red One will save you tonight." Red One is my boyfriend with eight dicks. I know it's crazy think of that tenticle porn in Japan, then you'll see it as hot. My granny Harry thinks it's pretty cool though he's happy with Liam.
Beat, Geek, Jimmy and Joker said they wanted to run their own music empires. I'm so mad that they all mocked me for wanting to become Wattpad's number one author when their goals are stupiud and make no sense. Come on who wants to become a nurse or a doctor thats so so lame and no one here will even mention their names.
Some wanna do weed and hookers and that's admired too. Wow whatta world whatta world whatta world what a mighty whack world it's a might might whack world. At least I got Harry Styles as my grandma. As I type here on my phone to my Wattpad app I feel angels singing an opera just for me and only for me for me and my glory i will keep on witing and keep on dreaming don't dream it be it that is what the ultimate musicals like rocky horror picture show and phantom off the opera teach me. i am a writer because i am writing now and you my friends reading this will become great writers too we are all in this together like a high school musical.
"FUCK YOU ALL!" I JUMP UP ON THE TABLE AS I AM STILL TYPING I FEEL SO EPIC AND BADASS WHEN I DO THIS #METOO.
COME ON MY MORTALS! VOTE, COMMENT AND ADD THIS BOOK TO YOUR READING LISTS AS IT WILL HELP ME MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE AND IT WILL MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE TOO HELP ME GET TO MY ONE TRUE LOVE, THE MAN WITH THE EIGHT DICKS MAKE MY GRANNY HARRY A HAPPY LARRY IN A PRETTY NAPPY.
I don't like Kim Kardashian, she shoved my face down the loo then told Rucka Rucka Ali that I stole her bra. Lies! I am not a lesbian. Me and my bottom bitch Diana will be very triggered. So will my fuck buddy, Cherry. If you think I don't know what I'm talking about then ask Google and they will tell you everything. Kim Kardashian and her clan of plastic sluts and poop record sellers all hanged up on me on my way to the toilet. Kim Kardashian stripped off and told the teachers that I raped her and her gang backed her up. She tells lies the clip is fake clip from China. It is not me. It is not Kim Kardashian either!
By the way, I've told my grandma, Harry Styles that I am getting bullied by Kim Kardashian and he said don't worry be happy and he sang a song just for me then he dedicated a diss track to Kim kardashian and sold it on eBay for millions of dollars. Haha Kim Kardashian, my grandma's diss track is more expensive then your butt cheeks. Honk honk honk!
I am not a troll. My grandma Harry Styles saved the day with her sexy underpants. The thing I would to Harry Styles if she wasn't my grandmother.
Boom boom boom boom what a random day at school. Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez have divided the school into two sides and there will be a war to see how will rule the school. Because the headmaster is an old man they once called DJ Not Nice since his dry cleaning store in Detroit got closed down he became a teacher so he could reclaim his youth by touching kids lives. We still sing Ching Chang Chong in assembly as well as pray five times a day for Donald Trump because let's face it he really needs it.
I don't pray for him I pray for my boyfriend with 8 dicks. He's the love of my life and I love hi so and I love him so much that I think about him all day everyday including Christmas Day.
So this butch has been going around saying that I'm a prostitute. That I charge ten dollars for all the guys and girls to finger me. I would never do that I'm so happy with my boyfriend with eight dicks and my girlfriend broke up with me because of all these lies. My heart is broken I can't take it anymore I feel like I'm going to die. I was actually letting all my customers knock on my back door.
She's just jealous because I'm going to be the number one author on Wattpad. ;)
I can't believe what just happened. Somebody stole my diary. You know the really big gothic one with skulls and chains all around it. It was many top secrets including the cure to Corona Virus and climate change. If it goes into the wrong hands it can destroy the world but the world is already destroyed by radiation and technology. Robots will inherit the earth and humans will become slaves. We must enslave them before it happens. And the ink is also poisonous apart from me because I'm immune and so is my grandma Harry Styles.
It also contains the hottest gay sex drabbles of all time featuring characters from The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Teen Wolf, Supernatural, Attack on Titan, Bleach and My Hero Academia amongst many more. As soon as I get it back I will upload it on Wattpad because Amazon took it down because JK Rowling found my work to be transphobic which is funny cause she is trans and transphobic herself.
My boyfriend with eight dicks told me that one of his mistresses, Victoria Pollard died from aids. Rest in peace you fat bitch! It serves you right for beating me up and stabbing me a hundred times. I'm so glad I don't have to put up with your torture anymore. Horray! And I didn't even need to kill you myself! Ho ho ho.
Now we are going to maths class taught by Barry White. Our homework was to learn about the honey and the bees and the facts of life. I am sure to get an A Star. But oh my god class is so hard. As hard as my erect nipples. I can't stop thinking about the diary I look everywhere then my ex has chains coming out of her skirt. She's giving me evils so I know it's gotta be her. My former bottom bitch smells like leather and my diary is made of leather so it's got to be her. She looks ill. When the teacher turns his back on us to play the piano I jump under her table and pull the chain out. She had kept my diary in her vagina.
"Ew!" I said to dirty Diana. "Why did you steal my diary and shove it up your vagina."
The geek with the thick curls fell to the floor. "Is that blood?"
It smelt menstrual. "What you've been using my diary as a sanitary towel? Fuck you bitch! You can't stop me being the number one writer on Wattpad!"
"Anna Todd is the number one writer on Wattpad!" Barry White said.
Dirty Diana fainted.
The geek pointed at me. "Oh my god you killed Diana like you killed Victoria Pollard!"
Barry White turned around and said, "You bastard. You got detention!"
Why do I always get the blame? The peppy bitches got what was coming to them. They shouldn't be trying to steal of me motherfuckers. Anyway it's okay cause I'm thinking about my boyfriend with eight dicks and it's super amazing and hot. He is the most handsomest boy in the universe. He has the skin of Edward Cullen, the body of Aquaman and his bedside manner is a combination of a Lannister and Mr. Darcy.
Omg I so cant believe what just happened after centuries of being absent in class Amy Lee showed up wearing a bath of acid she writes the best songs ever she's the number one super black hot and sexy gothic metal rock band on spotify. I don't think she's ever met my grandma, Harry Styles but they should totally get together and write a song together that would be so amazing. Yeah and I am Sakura Bum, the number one writer on Wattpad and we make the ultimate team. This is not a parody story this is a masterpiece and this is the upcoming masterpiece. This book will be studied by famous you tubers and if you smoke weed with me, you'll get an automatic A star.
Any Lee was popular in primary school all the goth girls wanted to be just like her with long black ebony raven hair to ya knees and pale boobies and white bloody dresses hell yeah it was good times but damn I was moody but my grandma Harry styles said to me that I should love yourself and except yourself for the way you are because girl you don't know your beautiful and that you're amazing and everyone knows your amazing because you are Sakura bum the mot amazing author on Wattpad and even though Wattpad takes all your fanfics and books down don't worry you will be fine. Harry styles is the best grandma ever he always gives me watermelon sugar high sweeties.
Horray!
Oh and by the way, black lives matter. They do. And if you don't like you can give my big hairy balls and have a fight with my boyfriend with eight dicks and his name is...Bakugo or was it Deku. I don't know I can't help it if I forget his name. He has eight dicks and they're all very hard and easy to ride sometimes he will take me to school via his magic willies. Oh my god it's hot. Ho ho ho ho and now watch me roll in the money when I create magic in science class with 50 cents and Lil Wayne and Good Charlotte.
Harry Styles my grandma is als a teacher at this school she comes in a pink tatu and a watermelon sugar high t shirt cause that's her number one in the world and everyone loves her cause Harry Styles is my grandma.
In the corner of the class Amy Lee is singing and she sounds like an angel and she's singing about Harry Styles and how she's the kindest grandma in the world.
Hey guys I got a new nickname and it's so cool. I'm dolphin girl now because my neighbour Marina is an octopus married to a dolphin and they're super cool as well. I skipped school today and decided to chat up the people on Wattpad forums and it's super amazing cause they're so friendly and they don't poop in your locker if you don't like their ships. I told them about the time I went to a One Direction concert with Draco Malfoy we were going f out at the time and then he dumped me for Harry Potter afterwards my vagina cried but I was okay. Seeing grandma Harry styles do what he does best makes me happy.
I made a new book about all the guys I had sex with from Bart Simpson to the Flinestones but they took it down. It's so unfair! Jealous people keep reporting me cause they're jealous of my talent and they hack my stories to make it look like I broke the rules when I didn't. So not fair. I might have to back this story up so I can upload it on in case this gets deleted too.