"So are you sure that I can't come with you?" Thomas asked Richard the following morning as Richard was in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving. Thomas stifled a yawn as he brushed his teeth, as you can't have a mouthful of toothpaste and yawn at the same time. The evening before with Jimmy and Chris had lasted well into the latter hours of the day and Thomas still had to get up early, he had the morning off on boxing day so was hoping to catch up on sleep then, or just take it easy. This morning though, Richard had announced his plan of going to York for the day to do a bit of Christmas shopping of his own and to see his parents. He didn't seem to want Thomas to come with him.
"I'm trying to keep this a surprise dear," Richard said. He splashed his face with water from the sink and dried it with a towel. He was not fully dressed yet and Thomas loved seeing him so casual, his hair still ruffled from sleep. "I can hardly go shopping for a gift for you if you are there with me can I?" Richard said, smiling at Thomas in the mirror.
"It worked okay when you got me that pocket watch from Selfridges that time in London didn't it?" Thomas said.
"Yes but that was a different situation. I was trying to impress you," Richard said.
"And what about this time?" Thomas said as he pulled Richard closer, looping two arms around his waist.
Richard's eyes gleamed. "Well this time, I intend to surprise you, charm you and spoil you."
"Well aren't I lucky?" Thomas said as he kissed Richard, taking in the fresh scent of soap that he smelt on Richard's neck and face.
"You will be," Richard said. "It will be worth a short time apart trust me."
"Am I not allowed a clue?" Thomas asked.
"Absolutely not!" Richard laughed. "Not since I have still not got the slightest idea of what you have got me."
"Well I aim to surprise you too," Thomas said. "You have told Chris about today and that he will be on his own I hope?"
"I mentioned it last night as he left. I should have told you first I know," Richard said.
"It's fine. I didn't give you much of a chance to chat. I have been trying to catch up on sleep and failing," Thomas said. He was aware they should be getting a move on, but he was happy in this situation for now.
"You work too hard Thomas," Richard said.
"I'm in charge, I have too. I will have boxing day morning free so we can have a lie in," Thomas said.
...
Half an hour later Thomas was getting ready to leave. He was eating breakfast at Downton this morning to make up for his absence yesterday evening, and he didn't want to give Bates another excuse to tease him either. There was a definite chill in the air so Thomas decided on his warmer coat and gloves. "I don't need that," he said as Richard handed him a scarf.
"I'm considering wearing one inside Thomas so you need it out there," Richard insisted.
"Honestly you're like my mother," Thomas said with a smile.
"Only looking out for you," Richard said.
"I know, I'll take it," Thomas said, putting the scarf on. "When will you get back from York?"
"Probably late afternoon, I'll get a train back around five I think," Richard said.
"I'll see you later then," Thomas said, kissing Richard before walking out the door into the cold morning.
...
"Mrs Hughes I was wondering if you could keep an eye on things for a bit," Thomas said later that morning as he came downstairs. "I have left the keys to the safe in my other coat pocket which is still at home so I'll need to run down there and fetch them."
"No problem, don't be too long though," She said. What she means, he thought, is don't get distracted by certain book shop owners. It might be a risk normally but not today.
"Don't worry, I won't be. You won't even know I'm gone," Thomas said.
...
Chris had not been surprised when Richard had asked if he could mind the shop for the whole of today. He was wondering when he'd be making a visit to York, since he was the only one out of the three of them who had a good relationship with their parents still. He did envy Richard over that, but he was glad for him too. Not many folks of their description were on speaking terms with their families. He came from a large family, having two older siblings and two younger. He wondered if they even knew if he was alive or not. He broke off with them before the war broke out, they never wrote and neither did he. Even if they did know he was still amongst the living, he reckoned they would have no idea about his arrest over four years ago. He didn't reckon any names would have been published in the papers as there were too many of them to list in a small article. He was glad of that. He didn't want them to know. Ever. Thankfully though these thoughts were interrupted by the shop door bell. He was sitting behind the counter signing off some invoices for orders for the new year that will need to be posted today if they are to get the new stock in time for next January. He looked up from his work and was surprised to see Thomas walk in. "Oh hello Mr Barrow," he said. "Didn't expect to see you around at this time. Thought you'd be kept busy at Downton?" It was best for them to address each other more formally when they weren't alone or amongst friends, it could endanger them both if someone thought they were being too familiar. It was stupid, as it would only be how any friends would talk to each other, but that was the way they lived. They could never be too careful.
Thomas came over to the counter at the back of the shop. "Good morning Mr Webster," Thomas said. "We are busy but I left my other set of keys in my other coat pocket. Had to come back for them or else the safe will remain locked and the staff will not get their wages until after Christmas."
"I see. Important then," Chris said, letting Thomas around the side of the counter so he could get into the kitchen behind. "Would not make you popular I imagine if you didn't pay them before Christmas?"
"It would not no," Thomas said, Chris's heart warming a little as Thomas smiled at him. "Won't be long," he said as he disappeared into the kitchen.
The shop door opened again and a woman walked in, Chris didn't recognise her so he assumed she was not local to Downton. He had been living here long enough now to notice who was local and who was not. He and Richard had been advertising the shop in a few papers so had been getting other customers from further afield. "Got them," Thomas said emerging from the kitchen a few minutes later, shutting the door behind him. "Things around here going well today?"
"You mean am I managing things while the boss is away?" Chris said. Thomas was worried for a moment, concerned that he had offended Chris in some way. "It's okay Thomas, only meant that lightheartedly I promise you," he said, seeing the look of concern on Thomas's face. "Doing well yes, will be wrapping things up tomorrow and closing a bit early, considering it's Christmas eve."
"Good, would be lovely if I could suggest to the Crawleys that they go to bed early on Christmas eve so we could all do the same," Thomas joked.
"Wouldn't that be ideal," Chris agreed. The shop door opened again and two young men walked in. Chris recognised one of them as Stephen, the lad from Downton who was always coming in here to borrow books. "Good morning Stephen," Chris said. He recognised the other man but he didn't know his name.
"Good morning Mr Webster, Mr Barrow," Stephen said. Thomas smiled in greeting at Stephen and the other lad who he recognised as the butcher's son, Daniel. He had been up at Downton that morning to deliver the first half of the meat needed for the massive Christmas day meal that will be prepared mostly the day before.
"I should be getting back," Thomas said. "Told Mrs Hughes that I wouldn't be long."
"I should finish writing out these," Chris said, looking at the few sheets of paper and envelopes on the counter in front of him. "Also have to rearrange the book christmas trees a bit. It is a wonderful display but it can be a problem when customers keep buying the books on the tree. I have to keep adding to it."
"As I said before, I would like one of those for Downton in place of the real thing," Thomas said
"I'm sure if you emptied his lordship's library then you could get a decent sized display," Chris said in humour.
"Yes, although I pity the poor person who would have to put all the books back in the library afterwards," Thomas said, glancing at Stephen as the task would probably fall to him. Thomas looked back at Stephen and Daniel, they had been standing by the same book shelf for a few minutes now, the book in Stephen's hand had remained unread as it seemed he was too captivated by Daniel's company to be interested in reading it. He was now almost completely certain that his suspicions he had about Stephen for a while now, were correct. It would explain why he never wanted to report Richard and himself when he caught them kissing several months ago. It would also account for why he was out so early a few mornings ago; why he had been so distracted of late and why he had been so keen to take in the orders for the kitchen even though it was a job meant for a hallboy or the kitchen maid. Daniel had been making these deliveries more often too lately. Thomas realised how it all made sense. He didn't say anything of course, but he reckoned Chris had picked up on the pair of them too. He was content to leave things be until Chris noticed something that he did not at first. Chris grabbed a piece of paper from a drawer and wrote something down on it very quickly before urgently passing it to Thomas along the counter top, all whilst continuing to talk casually about Christmas trees and such.
Thomas read the note and felt his throat go dry. It read: The woman to the right of us is watching those two like a hawk watches its prey. For a quick note it was rather well crafted but it got the point across and now Thomas saw what Chris had noticed first. The woman who came in just before Stephen and Daniel, who had until now, being busy looking closely at several books, opening them and reading a little before choosing another, had now started glancing too frequently in the direction of the two young men who were unaware of her gaze and behaving in a way that was too familiar for only being friends. If he and Chris could see this easily, then it would be obvious to others too, Thomas thought. Chris was still keeping up the appearance of someone who hasn't noticed a thing, and was explaining to Thomas, who was not really listening now, about how he needed more red books for the trees by the window. Thomas, meanwhile, was trying to figure out how to stop this from becoming dangerous. He wrote on the bottom of the note Chris gave him earlier: Can you distract her?
Chris nodded very slightly, and then slipped into his 'professional speaking to customer tone' and approached the woman. "Excuse me madam, can I be of any help?" he asked the woman who was distracted enough for Thomas to catch Stephen's eye and speak to him.
"Stephen, since you are here can I have a word with you please?" Thomas asked.
Unfortunately, Stephen didn't take the hint that this should be in private."Of course Mr Barrow," he said, but remained where he was standing.
Thomas had to think quickly. "I need to talk to you in private. I cannot discuss the running of Downton and the Crawleys personal lives in a public setting you understand?" Thomas said. Years of experience allowed the lie to slip easily from him, so much so that he was almost convinced himself it was true for a moment.
"No of course not Mr Barrow," Stephen said, leaving a slightly bewildered Daniel in the shop.
Thomas closed the door behind them, hoping Chris was able to use some of that charm that came so easily to him to distract that woman from what she saw. Stephen was looking a bit confused, "I'm only a footman Mr Barrow, I don't really have much to do with the running of Downton."
Thomas sighed, deciding to get straight to the point. "That was a lie so that I could speak to you alone," Thomas admitted. Now Stephen was no longer looking confused but worried. "You and Daniel. You were far too obvious out there."
"I, I don't know what you mean," Stephen stammered, going pale.
"I think you do," Thomas said seriously. Stephen seemed to have frozen to the spot, Thomas intended to get his point across of how dangerous this could have been for them both but felt compelled to reassure him first. "Stephen, you have nothing to fear from me. You of all people know that I will never betray you or Daniel in regards to this matter," he added, remembering how Stephen had seen him and Richard together.
Stephen sighed. It was not a sigh of relief though, more one of defeat, and he wouldn't look Thomas in the eye. "I didn't think we were doing anything wrong. We were only talking. This is all my fault, Daniel didn't even want to come in here, he's not much of a reader."
"In my eyes, you weren't," Thomas said. "But what I see doesn't matter, any accusation made could ruin you both. They don't need any proof, you are guilty in their eyes when they decide that you are." Saying those words made him think about how unfair the world is for men like him, not even such a thing as innocent until proven guilty. Not for them.
Stephen didn't say anything, he looked vulnerable, and a lot younger than his real age of nineteen. Thomas saw a part of himself reflected in Stephen right now. "Are you saying I can't see him anymore?" Stephen asked, looking at Thomas now.
Thomas looked away, trying to give himself some time to think of how to answer that. I wish Richard was here. He'd be better at this than me, Thomas thought. "No, that's not what I'm saying," he began. "I am trying to warn you that you both need to be a lot more careful if you want to have a fighting chance of making this work. Life for people like us is hard. It's unfair, lonely and cruel. You are going to have to learn to accept that and do the best you can with it. You will have to learn to read people and their intentions. To know who can and cannot be trusted and even those who you think you can trust, you can never trust them completely. It will make you scared, but fear is an instinct of survival. You have to do whatever it takes, and you will hate yourself for it sometimes. You may just end up hating yourself." Thomas wasn't sure if he was speaking to Stephen or about himself now. It all seemed to be blurred into one. "You can't be meek. You have to be tougher, to learn how to take a punch and to punch back twice as hard, both literally and metaphorically."
"So I'm doomed then?" Stephen asked, his voice shook a bit while he spoke. Maybe with anger, maybe with fear. "It all seems too much to deal with, not having much hope."
"No," Thomas said. "There is hope. For a long time, I didn't think there was any, but things got better for me. I discovered that I had friends, and people who I could trust, those who accepted me without question. It did take me a while but I found them. I don't need the whole world to accept me, just a few and I think I have found that. One person can make it worth it all."
Stephen knew who Mr Barrow was talking about. "You made things work," Stephen said, lowering his volume. "You know, with Mr Ellis?"
In spite of the tense situation, Thomas couldn't help but smile a little. "Yeah we did. But it was never easy Stephen. But despite all I have said, you should know that you are not alone. There are a lot of us lot out there, if you know where to look. And we survive but we also live. Surround yourself with people you feel safe around, and you can protect each other then."
"But with so many people at Downton, people are bound to find out," Stephen said.
"They may do, but as far as the staff go, most of them in my experience, will not try to hurt you. And anyone who tries to cause you trouble will have to go through me first," Thomas said. "And as for the family, they are a lot more liberial than they will like to admit. But you should never tell them that, I don't think they could take the shock."
Stephen relaxed a little and smiled at that. "No I wouldn't dare. I'm sorry that I put you in this position."
"Better me than anyone else Stephen," Thomas said. "Were you intending on spending your half day with Daniel then?"
"Yes," Stephen said, blushing a bit.
"Well you can be yourselves more if you are away from other people. Take a walk through the outer parts of the estate, you shouldn't come across too many people there. If anyone asks what you are doing, say I sent you out there to gather some pine cones for christmas decorations. Just bring some back to make my lie convincing," Thomas said. Thomas opened the door to the shop slightly, checking if the woman in the shop had left. "You should be getting on then, you will need to be back at Downton by the evening," Thomas said, receiving a nod from Chris that the coast was clear.
"One thing though Mr Barrow," Stephen said before leaving. "Mr Webster must have seen too since he was in the shop the whole time."
"Don't worry about him. He has more reason than most to want to help our lot avoid a jail term," Thomas said.
Thankfully, Stephen didn't ask what Thomas meant. "I don't know how I can thank you," he said.
"Don't worry about it, just don't get caught out, that's all I ask," Thomas said.
Note: This chapter was becoming really long, so I decided to split it into two. The next chapter, which I will publish shortly after this one, will follow on immediately from where this chapter ends.