A/N: This fanfic will always hold a special place in my heart because when I wrote the final third of the initial version, I was suffering from a serious stomach virus. It was Christmas, and I was miserable- my stomach was in absolute pain, nothing I ate or drank stayed down, and the disease was starting to move south during the evening hours, if you know what I mean. Yet somehow, at the end of the day I managed to finish this story. I swear, sometimes I wonder if part of the reason why I made Sebastian pestering Simon with Cory in the House part of my headcanon was because I was slaphappy and on the verge of passing out when I wrote it.
Also, before anyone asks, in my headcanon, upon being promoted to Chief Prosecutor, Edgeworth pulled a Gant by having Gumshoe promoted to Chief of Police. With Phoenix being disbarred at the time, Edgeworth would have been inclined to garner as much control over the legal system as he could in an attempt to fight the growing corruption brought on by the Dark Age of the Law. However, Gumshoe's money situation didn't improve for two reasons: his pay was so low that when he was promoted, the resulting raise was practically nothing; and Edgeworth is still cutting his pay. Sure, Gumshoe may not be Edgeworth's subordinate, but don't underestimate the Prosecutor King of Smug and Logic. It doesn't matter how high up you are, if Edgeworth wants to cut your pay, he's cutting your pay.
So with that little history lesson, I want to wish you all a happy holiday season filled with lots of joy and laughter and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
An Ace Attorney Christmas
(Time: December 24 and 25, 2028)
It was the morning of Christmas Eve and Seymour Deels Mall was packed with people anxiously scurrying about, desperately trying to find gifts for their loved ones. And among these last-minute shoppers were Athena and Juniper.
"Alright Junie, are you ready to do some shopping?" Athena asked with a determined grin and her hands placed firmly on her hips, a sharp contrast to her friend who was slightly hunched over and trembling like a leaf.
"Well, that depends on how much shopping needs to be done." Juniper timidly stated as she scanned the area. "These crowds *cough* make me feel uncomfortable."
"Well, I've already purchased Mr. Wright and Apollo's presents, so that just leaves… everyone except Mr. Wright and Apollo."
"Thena!" Juniper gasped as she put a hand to her mouth. "It's the day before Christmas! How could you put off your gift shopping for so long?"
"Look, I've been busy at the Anything Agency and it slipped my mind. But don't you worry, Junie. We've got this!" Athena jovially proclaimed as she flashed her friend a peace sign.
"B-But the stores will probably be picked clean! What if we can't find a gift for someone?" The nature-loving girl whimpered as she pulled at her pigtails, her eyes filling up with tears.
"Look, since Mr. Wright's Christmas party is a casual thing, we don't have to buy tangible gifts for every single person. For Maya and Bucky, I'll get them gift cards, so that shouldn't be a concern. So that just leaves…" Athena cocked her head to the side as she tried to remember who else would be at the gathering who she actually cared about. "Simon, Trucy, the beautiful Prosecutor Gavin, and Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth.
Juniper took a deep whiff from one of the sunflowers on her hat to help calm herself down. "Alright, that doesn't seem too bad."
"That's the spirit, Junie! Let's go!" Athena exclaimed, slamming her fist into her hand with an excited grin on her face before grabbing her friend by the arm and forcing their way through the crowds on the way to their first stop.
The first stop on the duo's list was From the Commercials, a store known for selling any item ever promoted in a television commercial, no matter how tacky and/or unnecessary it was. However, despite the huge selection, Athena was interested in a particular kind of item as she scoured the store from top to bottom.
"Junie, help me find something Hello Kitty-related for Simon." Athena requested as she got down on her knees and began meticulously searching one of the lower shelves.
"Hello Kitty? For a guy who's been in prison for 7 years?" Juniper asked with a confused look on her face. "Don't you think that he's a bit… outside of their main demographic?"
"Don't be silly, Junie!" Athena said with a wave of her hand. "Simon's always raving on about how much he loves anime, so he's gotta love Hello Kitty! It's like the anime equivalent of that one pony show that so many older guys like."
"I don't know, Thena…" The aspiring judge reluctantly stated.
"Junie, you've got to stop- I found something! What do you think of this?" Athena smirked as she pulled out a burger press shaped like Hello Kitty's head.
"A burger press? Has Simon ever even seen a hamburger?"
"Sure, Simon may have gone on record saying that he'll eat a hamburger when Hell freezes over and they manage to create an English anime dub that's on par with the original Japanese version, but this could encourage him to give them a try."
"Well, you know him better than me." Juniper replied with a sad sigh as she followed her friend to the checkout area.
The duo's next stop was Merlin's Magic Hut, a business that made itself stand out by not only being the mall's sole magic store, but by also having a large plastic statue of a wizard donned in a blue robe covered in yellow stars and a matching pointed hat who was holding a colorful book in one hand and a magic wand in the other.
"So what are we buying here?" Juniper asked as she and Athena entered the crowded store filled with screaming children.
"Well, unlike Simon, I know exactly what Trucy wants: a deck of Blaine Wacky Cards. Now where are those cards…?" The yellow-cladded attorney asked herself as she scanned the store.
"Thena, over there!" Juniper exclaimed as she pointed over to a shelf with a sign taped to it labeled 'Blaine Wacky Cards', where only a single pack of cards was present.
Good eye, Junie!" Athena cheered as she flashed her friend a peace sign. "And it looks like there's still one pack left!"
However, when the yellow-cladded attorney tried to take the pack, she was stopped by Betty, who put her hand on the cards at the same time.
Hey Betty! What a surprise seeing you here!" Athena chirped, her smiling face contrasting with the magician's cold eyes.
"I'm a magician. How is it surprising that I'd be in a magic shop?" Betty asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.
"It's not. I was just trying to break the ice." Athena calmly replied as she gently attempted to pull the pack out of the magician's hand. "Um, so do you mind letting go of the cards? They're my Christmas gift to Trucy."
"No, they're my gift to Bonny." Betty hissed as she tried to rip the cards out of the yellow-cladded attorney's grasp.
"Too bad, I saw them first!"
"But I'm actually a magician, so I outrank you!" Betty angrily retorted.
"C'mon, I need to get a gift for Trucy and these cards are the only thing that I know she really wants for Christmas!" Athena pleaded as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Well, Bonny and I want to be famous magicians, but we can't because of that spoiled little princess and her stupid lineage!" Betty snapped.
"But Trucy has shown you and your sister nothing but kindness, even when you both almost got her convicted of murder. So can't you find it in your heart to let me give her the cards?"
"Trucy's magic panties may contain many things, but they don't hold any f&%#$ from me!" Betty snarled.
"Do you recite magic words with that potty mouth?" Athena gasped. "What am I saying? In order to have magic words, you have to first have an actual trick."
"You wanna magic trick!? Well, here's one you'll really like: I'll make you see stars with a wave of my hand!" Betty roared as she tried to hit Athena with the cane that she was holding in her free hand.
Though unfortunately for the young magician, Athena countered the attack by grabbing the cane before using it to flip Betty and slam her back onto the ground with a loud thud, rendering her unconscious.
"Thena!" Juniper exclaimed, covering her mouth with both hands out of shock.
"What? If I didn't do something, I'd be the one laying there unconscious." Athena replied as she ripped the pack of cards out of Betty's limp hand.
"Yes, but you didn't have to knock her out. *cough* What if she *cough* calls the police when she wakes up and presses charges? *cough* *cough*" Juniper asked before calming herself down with her sunflower inhaler.
"If she does, I'll plead self-defense. Everyone in this store saw what happened and would be willing to testify. Right, guys?" Athena asked the other customers, all of whom respond by saying nothing and trying their best not to look at the two girls so as not to get involved. "Fine, but if any of you guys ever get arrested and need the Anything Agency's help, don't come crying to me! C'mon Junie, let's get out of here!" The yellow-cladded attorney huffed as she marched over to the cash register.
"D-Don't listen to her, she wouldn't abandon any of you in your times of need." Juniper timidly stated to the other customers in order to prevent them from getting a bad impression of her and her friend. "She's just a little stressed out because of the holiday season. But if you had the chance to get to know her, you'd see that she's-"
"Are you coming, Junie?" Athena called out as she walked towards the exit.
"Sorry, Thena!" The aspiring judge called out as she chased after her friend.
The duo's next stop was the mall's toy store, Toys Have We, a large place filled to the brim with all the newest playthings. However, it wasn't like the duo could confirm that for themselves on account of all the people crowding the entrance, thereby making the act of merely getting into the store nearly impossible.
"Wow, Thena, that's a lot of people. Maybe we should go somewhere else." Juniper meekly suggested upon noticing the wall of shoppers clogging the entrance.
"No way, Junie. According to my research, this is the only store in L.A. that still has the Limited-Edition Tenth Anniversary Pink Princess action figure with kung-fu grip and a mini Iron Infant in stock, a.k.a. the perfect gift for a Samurai series fan like Mr. Edgeworth."
"But how are we going to get through that crowd? A frail girl like me will get tossed around like a ball in a park." Juniper whimpered as she covered her eyes with her hat.
"Don't worry, Junie. I've got a plan..." Athena replied, a mischievous smirk spreading across her face as she shifted her gaze to some nearby shopping carts.
Using a shopping cart as a battering ram, Athena, with Juniper sitting in the cart and clinging to the sides for dear life, rushed into the store, using the leg strength that she gained from countless morning jogs to help her plow down anyone foolish enough to stand in her way. And with little effort, the duo soon made it to the aisle containing the Pink Princess action figures, which there is only one left.
However, the girls' attempt to get the action figure did not go unopposed, for from the other side of the aisle was Franziska, who clearly had a similar mindset to Athena based on the fact that she was also pushing a cart, with the person inside being Adrian Andrews.
The next few seconds felt eternal, the two women neither moving nor saying a single word, instead giving each other piercing, unblinking stares of pure determination. Both of them were focused on one thing: victory; and it was this focus that gave that section of the store a chilling presence that dissuaded even the most hardened of shoppers from even thinking about approaching the aisle, lest they pay for that foolish decision with their lives. Though funny enough, while the two lawyers were engaged in their standoff, each fiercely watching the other to see who would make the first move, their two friends were just awkwardly scanning the area, both feeling like mere bystanders at this point.
But suddenly, the silence was broken when both women decided to charge down the aisle at the same time towards each other like two medieval knights engaged in a jousting match, their carts colliding with a loud bang in the middle of the aisle, right in front of the action figure, with neither one refusing to give the other an inch.
"Athena Cykes, step aside so that I may purchase that toy! As a von Karma, it's my duty to give my little brother the perfect gift!"
"Never!" The yellow-cladded attorney snarled back.
"Well, it doesn't matter in the end whether or not you give up. For you see, I was trained by my papa from birth in the art of aggressive shopping. This is my dojo! This is my victory! This is my destiny!" Franziska triumphantly proclaimed with a smirk.
"Yeah, what Bestie said!" Adrian chimed in, trying her best to look intimidating.
"Well, did your papa teach you about the power of orange juice? Junie, Plan OJ!" Athena called out, prompting her friend to take out a bottle of orange juice, open it up, and pour it into her mouth so that she could keep pushing the cart.
Suddenly, like Popeye eating his spinach, Athena temporarily gained enough strength to push against Franziska's cart with enough power to send her flying all the way back down the aisle and into a display shelf. Taking advantage of this opportunity, the yellow-cladded attorney wasted no time in grabbing the action figure and making a beeline dash for the checkout counter.
Though being a von Karma, Franziska was never one to give up so easily- a trait that became all the more apparent when Adrian tackled Athena to the ground the second she left the store, sitting on Big Red's back while restraining her arms.
"How's your grip so strong? You're like a vise!" Athena exclaimed as she squirmed in a futile attempt to free herself from Adrian's ironclad grasp.
"Ordinary and completely-legal exercises that do not include scaling the outside of the Prosecutor's Office to sneak into Bestie's office. But that's not important. Bestie really needs that action figure for Mr. Edgeworth, so could you find it in your heart to give it to her?" The obsessive blonde politely asked, almost as if she had forgotten that she had just violently tackled Athena and was currently pinning her to the ground.
But before Athena could object, she was greeted to the sharp snap of Franziska cracking the air with her whip as she sauntered up to her with a sneer.
"Now, Athena Cykes, you have two options: either give me the action figure…" The silver-haired prosecutor paused to crack the air with her whip. "or face the wrath of von Karma. The choice is yours."
"Junie! Help!" Athena called out, looking to her friend who was cowering back at the entrance with a look of terror in her eyes.
"Athena, hold your breath!" Juniper yelled, mustering up her courage as she reached into her sleeve and pulled out a clenched fist before running over to her friend, to which the attorney replied to by puffing out her cheeks and nodding.
Upon seeing that her friend was holding her breath, Juniper threw a green powder at Franziska and Adrian.
"Ha!" Franziska sneered as she waggled her finger. "Was that the best you foolishly foolish fools could muster? I… I…" The silver-haired prosecutor's body suddenly went limp as she collapsed to the ground.
"Bes…tieeeee…" Adrian weakly replied as her body also went limp.
"Thanks Junie, I owe you one!" Athena sighed in relief as she pushed Adrian off of her, allowing her to get back up on her feet. "But out of curiosity, what was that weird powder that you threw at them?"
"Ground curare, a plant that's infamous for being a potent muscle relaxer." Juniper replied with a hint of anxiety in her voice, her hands clasped together and eyes darting around the area as she struggled to comprehend what she had just done.
"And you had that powder on you because…?" Athena asked with a slightly disturbed look on her face and a hand placed on her right hip.
"D-Don't look at me like that, Thena!" Juniper whimpered. "You'd carry around curare too if you went to a school where Professor Means taught students that the ends justify the means with that creepy smile on his face!"
"Don't worry, Junie. I'm not upset or anything. I'm just a little shocked that you actually are capable of self-defense, considering that you're so-" Athena was suddenly cut off by Juniper suffering from another coughing jag, which she quickly recovered from thanks to her sunflower inhaler. "That."
"Oh, okay!" The aspiring judge chirped, the anxious expression on her face being replaced by a warm smile. "So where are we going for Prosecutor Gavin's gift?"
"Nowhere, because I can very easily get it myself. Thanks for all the help today, Junie!" Athena replied with a toothy grin as she flashed her friend a peace sign.
"What are friends for? See you at Mr. Wright's party tomorrow!" Juniper stated with a smile, waving to her friend before starting to walk towards the exit, only to be stopped by Athena calling out to her.
"Wait, what about them?" The yellow-cladded attorney asked, gesturing to Franziska and Adrian's limp bodies that were jittering in a vain attempt to move. "Shouldn't we call an ambulance?"
"Yes, but let's do it outside. That way, we can help the paramedics locate them easier; as well as get some distance in case they recover before then and try to retaliate."
"Good idea, Junie." Athena stated as they made their way to the mall's exit.
The next day at the Anything Agency, Phoenix, Maya, Athena, Trucy, Pearl, Juniper, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, Franziska, Kay, Larry, Klavier, Sebastian, Simon, and Bucky were all present, some sitting on the couches and others standing, while their gifts of varying shapes and sizes were placed in a pile off to the side. The atmosphere was one of light-heartedness and joviality as the room was filled with the sound of small talk, which was suddenly forced into silence when Phoenix stood up and flicked his finger into the bottle of grape juice he was holding.
"I would like to thank everyone for taking time out of their busy schedules to come here today. This year has been an eventful one here at the Anything Agency, with Apollo-"
"Get on with it, Nick! I wanna open my presents!" Maya yelled, her cheeks puffed out in rage.
"Ja, Herr Wright." Klavier chimed in, his demeanor oddly more dour than normal. "Maybe if you weren't giving so many sappy speeches, Fräuline Detective would have come here. But what do I know about Fräuline Detective? Apparently, she would rather celebrate the holidays in some backwater country with her junge huren Herr Flutter and Herr Forehead than here with us!"
"Thanks Maya and Prosecutor Gavin, it wasn't as if I had a heart-warming speech that I spent three hours trying to come up with." Phoenix groaned as he sat back down.
"Oh, like you would have succeeded?" Klavier bitterly retorted with a cold look in his eyes as he started snapping his fingers? "My heart's cold, Herr Wright, cold like ice after Herr Flutter stole away the fire that was Fräuline Detective from my life… n-not that I have any feelings for her or anything." The former rock star defensively stated, though was betrayed by the tiniest hint of red in his cheeks. "She's just a really good detective who's not only great as her job, but allows me to have an easier time interrogating criminals by being the bad cop to my good."
"Ok, moving on." Phoenix stated, trying his best to shift the mood of the party away from depressing and back to merry. "Who wants to start the gift-giving show?"
"I think I'll go first." Edgeworth smirked as he pulled several envelopes from his coat which he proceeded to hand out to everyone. "I think that you all will enjoy these."
Though unfortunately for the Chief Prosecutor, that statement couldn't have been any further from the truth.
"What the-" Kay screeched upon opening up her envelope.
"Really, Edgeworth? A bond?" Phoenix asked as he flashed his childhood friend a disgruntled look.
"Thanks for the gift, Herr Scrooge." Klavier responded with a tone of pure venom.
"Yer banned from the Whet Noodle fer a billion years!" Bucky exclaimed as he rocked back and forth in his seat, making it obvious to everyone that he decided to celebrate the holidays early with the bottle.
"What's a $100 bond?" Sebastian asked with a confused look on his face, staring at the slip of paper as if it was some strange alien artifact. "Does this mean that I can buy James Bond for $100?"
"No, Deworste, it means that Edgeworth-dono has given each of us 100 dollars that we can't use for FIVE YEARS!" Simon snarled as he flashed his superior a death glare.
"Oh, so I'm the bad guy because I want to teach you people the virtues of patience and saving your money?" Edgeworth bitterly asked with crossed arms, having been clearly offended by how his so-called friends were villainizing his generous act.
"Yes!" Maya yelled, her face as red as a ripe tomatoe with rage. "I don't wanna learn, I wanna buy burgers!"
"Doesn't Wright already serve that purpose?" Edgeworth snidely asked.
"Yes, but it would be nice to buy burgers for a change without hearing him whine about how I'm 'draining him dry'!" Maya replied with over-the-top finger quotes.
"Yeah, be reasonable, Mr. Edgeworth!" Gumshoe chimed in. "I can't wait five years to cash this money! I'll starve by then! Couldn't you just give me a check for $100 instead?"
"You should be thankful that I'm giving you any sort of money instead of cutting your pay!" Edgeworth snapped, slamming his palm on the couch arm to emphasize his point.
"But Mr. Edgeworth, I can't wait five years to use this money to plan Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya's wedding! She'll be barren and saggy by then and Mr. Nick will drop her like a hot potato!" Pearl pleaded.
"PEARLY!" Maya reeled back in shock.
"I love you, Mystic Maya, but we have to face the facts: your biological clock is ticking, and when it runs out of time, Mr. Nick won't be able to bake any buns in your oven even if he wants to!" Pearl yelled, rolling up her sleeve and clenching her fist as she glared daggers at the Chief Prosecutor.
"How could you ruin Christmas like this, Edgey!? You're lame! C'mon everyone, say it with me! Edgey is lame! Edgey is lame! Edgey is lame!" Larry started angrily chanting as he pumped his fists in the air.
Soon enough, everyone in the room except Edgeworth, Franziska, and Juniper joined Larry in chanting 'Edgey is lame!' over and over again, leaving the Chief Prosecutor besides himself as he leaned back in his seat in the hopes that he could somehow disappear if he made himself smaller. But thankfully for Edgeworth, the chanting came to a quick end when Franziska lashed all of the participants with her trusty whip.
"You foolish fools ought to be ashamed of yourselves for this foolishly foolish foolhardy protesting!" Franziska snapped as she pulled at her whip. "Miles Edgeworth found it in his heart to get each and every one of you a gift, and this is the thanks he gets…? Don't listen to them, Miles Edgeworth, it was a perfect gift." The silver-haired prosecutor waggled her finger as she flashed her 'little' brother a surprisingly warm grin.
"Thank you, Franziska." Edgeworth sighed in relief as he sat back up in his seat.
"It reminds me of how Papa would give us bonds for our birthdays." Franziska replied with a longing look of nostalgia in her eyes, prompting her 'little' brother's grey orbs to fill with dread.
"I am so sorry about this everyone. I'm becoming my adoptive father…!" Edgeworth bemoaned as he squeezed his left bicep.
In regards to your outfit, that ship's already sailed. Phoenix thought to himself as a smirk spread across his face.
"For your information, Wright, I continue to wear this outfit not because of von Karma, but because it's sophisticated and fashionable- something that can't be said about that trashy vagabond attire that you donned for close to seven years." Edgeworth snidely retorted with outstretched arms.
"How did you-" Phoenix reeled back out of shock.
"Wright, despite being an ex-poker star, your body language is incredibly easy to read. Now, can we please move onto other gifts?" Edgeworth nonchalantly requested, wanting nothing more than to move past his failed presents.
"I'll go next; but because of Edgey's stunt, I'm too hurt to give gifts to anyone except Franzy." Larry huffed.
"I.e. you forgot to buy gifts for everyone else." The Chief Prosecutor smirked.
"Sh-shut up, you bond-giver!" Larry snapped with jagged teeth. "Here you go, Franzy!" The wannabe Casanova amorously stated, his tone suddenly shifting from one of anger to one of joy as he took an envelope out of the fashion crime that was his coat and handed it to the silver-haired prosecutor.
However, instead anything that even remotely resembled a gift, the envelope only contained a single note reading 'Look up…' followed by a heart that had a big goofy, cartoonish smiley face. And upon doing just that, Franziska was greeted to the sight of Larry leaning towards her with closed eyes and puckered lips, an action that prompted the silver-haired prosecutor to knock the wannabee Casanova to the ground with a swift punch to the jaw before assaulting him with a barrage of lashes from her trusty whip until he was unconscious.
"Well, that put me in a festive mood." Franziska chirped. "So perhaps I should give out my gifts. Phoenix Wright…" The spiky-haired attorney got whipped in the shoulder. "Maya Fey…" The Master of Kurain let out an eek of pain as the whip hit her arm. "Sebastian Debeste…" The naïve prosecutor started crying a little when his torso fell victim to the whip. "Larry Butz…" Instead of whipping the unconscious fool, the silver-haired prosecutor opted to instead stomp on his stomach. "Scruffy…"
"Please don't whip me, sir! It's Christmas!" Gumshoe pleaded with a tone of pure terror as he shielded his face with his meaty hands.
However, instead of being physically abused yet again, the Chief of Police was instead handed a check, much to his surprise.
"A check for $500! I… I don't know what to say! T-Thank you, sir!" Gumshoe rejoiced before kissing the slip of paper.
"What can I say?" Franziska smirked with a waggle of her finger. "Even though you're a fool, you're a hard worker and deserve it… along with this." The silver-haired prosecutor proceeded to lash Gumshoe with a quick crack of her whip. "And finally, Miles Edgeworth. Merry Christmas, Little Brother." Franziska warmly stated as he pulled out an envelope and handed it to her adopted brother.
Upon opening up the envelope, Edgeworth couldn't help but smile upon seeing that his 'big' sister shared his taste in gifts.
"A bond for $200…" The Chief Prosecutor chuckled with a shake of his head. "Some things never change. Thank you, Franziska."
"My turn! My Turn!" Maya screamed out in her usual bubbly voice, effectively ruining the touching sibling moment that was happening just seconds prior. "Merry Christmas, Nick!" The burger-loving spirit medium chirped as she thrusted a shoddily-made coupon book into her friend's hands.
"'30 coupons that entitle the bearer to have Maya Fey obey their refusal to one of her requests.'" Phoenix said with a disgruntled look on his face as he read the cover of his 'gift'. "I don't think that actually listening to me for a change counts as a gift, Maya."
"Ugh! You're such a grumpy geezer, Nick!" Maya yelled with clenched fists, puffing her cheeks out in anger. "Would it kill you to just take the gift and be grateful that I thought about you?"
"Well, speaking of gifts…" Phoenix replied by taking a box from the pile of larger presents. "Here you go, Ma-"
Before the spiky-haired lawyer could finish his sentence, Maya ripped the present out of his hands and began tearing away the paper with the ferocity of a rabid animal, only slowing down upon seeing her gift: the Steel Samurai's helmet.
"The Steel Samurai's helmet!? How'd you get this!?" Maya beamed, staring at the helmet as if it was the Holy Grail.
"Well, Global Studios has decided to make a brand new Steel Samurai helmet since this one is starting to rust in a few places, so they gave it to Mr. Powers, who then sent it to me as an apology gift for the Engarde incident. But I'm not done yet. Athena…" Phoenix stated as he pulled out another gift from the pile and handed it to his subordinate, who, like his assistant, wasted no time in opening it.
"An automatic juicer! You're the best boss ever, Mr. Wright!" Athena squealed as she hugged the device.
This will probably come back to haunt me. "Pearls…" Phoenix said with the slightest hint of reluctance as he handed the young spirit medium a small rectangular present from the pile, the small feeling of fear he was feeling only growing as she unwrapped the present.
"A series of short romantic comedy stories…!" Pearl gasped as she held up a book with a big red heart on the cover. "Thank you, Mr. Nick! Now I'll be able to come with even more plans to get you and Mystic Maya married… even with Mr. Edgeworth trying to sabotage my efforts with his mean bonds!" Pearl growled as she flashed the Chief Prosecutor a death glare, which he responded to by merely huffing and crossing his arms.
And so the haunting begins… Phoenix thought to himself with a slightly disgruntled look on his face that almost immediately became more jovial. "Since Larry's still unconscious, I'll give him his gift later. So in the meantime, Merry Christmas, Trucy!" The spiky-haired attorney reached into his coat and handed his daughter a small wrapped rectangular box, which she, just like Maya and Athena had done with their gifts, ripped open without any hesitation.
"A pack of Blaine Wacky Cards! I love you, Daddy!" Trucy squealed as she gave Phoenix a bear hug.
"No fair, boss! You stole my gift idea!" Athena pouted with crossed arms.
"Sorry, Athena, I didn't know." Phoenix said with an awkward smile as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "But if it's any consolation, it was a madhouse when I went to the magic shop yesterday and snagged one of the last two packs. Though good thing I went when I did, because I heard that about ten minutes after I left there was a huge fight over the last pack that resulted in one of the girls getting knocked out."
"R-Really, now…" Athena nervously replied.
"Yeah, but I don't know the full details behind the story. Though on a brighter note… For you, Gumshoe." Phoenix stated as he handed the Chief of Police a five dollar bill.
"Woo! Today's coming up Gumshoe! Thanks, pal!" Gumshoe exclaimed, kissing the money before shoving it in his trench coat's pocket.
"And finally, Edgeworth. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this gift much more than we enjoyed yours." Phoenix joked as he handed the Chief Prosecutor a long rectangular box from the pile of presents.
"Ha, ha, very funny, Wright." Edgeworth groaned with a roll of his eyes as he began to slowly unwrap his present in a refined and dignified manner. "So I made a mistake and gave everyone presents they absolutely despised. That doesn't give any of you the right to keep rubbing my face in it. After all, none of us are perfect. How would you like it, Wright, if after I opened your gift, I started…" The Chief Prosecutor found himself at a loss for words as soon as he finished unwrapping the present, his eyes filled with both shock and amazement upon seeing the gift that he was just given. "The… The Samurai Spear… That's… very thoughtful of you, Wright. I… I really appreciate it." Edgeworth stated with a shaky voice as he tried to restrain his emotions. "It's one of the best presents I have ever received- for sentimental reasons since Mr. Powers' trial was the moment in which I took my first steps down the path of redemption to become the man I am today, not because I'm a Steel Samurai fan or anything of the sort." The maroon-cladded prosecutor quickly added, his cheeks starting to redden a bit.
"Hold it, Mr. Edgeworth!" Sebastian objected, forming a frame with his hands. "Did you just say that he's the best?"
"Yes, Sebastian, but-" The Chief Prosecutor tried to explain himself, only to be cut off by his hurt subordinate.
"But nothing!" The naïve prosecutor yelled, bending his baton as he struggled to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm willing to admit that there are people who are smarter than me and better at their jobs, but when it comes to giving gifts, I sketch the line! I'm the best at buying gifts because I'm a good man with a big heart- Justine said so when I gave her and John their gifts earlier today!" Sebastian sniffled, wiping away his tears before spreading his arms out and smirking at both Phoenix and Edgeworth. "Well, if this chimp thinks that he's the best, then I'll school him like the rest once he sees my first-rate presents."
"Oh no…" Edgeworth said with saucer-sized eyes, his voice filled with apprehension as he saw his naïve subordinate digging through the gift pile and pulling out several unwrapped items.
"Now, I didn't wrap them because whenever I tried, I kept wrapping my finger as well; but it's the thought that counts. For you, Mr. Edgeworth, when I came into your office and asked what you wanted, you may have been on the phone, but I got your request to get out loud and clear. So here you go!"
With a grin that was oddly confident and innocent at the same time, Sebastian handed his superior a bottle of Wite-Out, prompting the Chief Prosecutor to facepalm and groan.
"Ms. von Karma, when I asked you what you wanted, you told me to get lost. So for you…"
The naïve prosecutor handed his coworker a DVD boxset of the first six seasons of Lost.
"Sebastian Debeste, you put the 'fool' in foolishness." Franziska muttered under her breath, not even bothering to use her whip- not because Sebastian didn't deserve it, which he did, but because that act of foolishness was so foolish that it was downright pathetic.
"You don't need to thank me, Ms. von Karma. I'm just doing my best." Sebastian smirked. "And lastly, Mr. Blackquill, I-"
"Let me guess- you got me a papier-mâché replica of your head and put it in a plastic bag?" Simon wryly responded as he causally leaned back in his seat.
"I was considering that, but then I remembered hearing through the grapefruit that you like anime. So, after doing a bit of research, I purchased you a DVD for the best anime ever created… Ta-da!" Sebastian exclaimed as he handed Simon a DVD for the Cory in the House series, prompting the Twisted Samurai to stand up and break the gift over his knee.
"Is this supposed to be some kind of sick joke, Deworste!?" Simon snarled, his hand placed over his chest as he glared daggers at his bumbling coworker.
"What?" Sebastian asked with a confused look on his face before suddenly getting hit with a burst of inspiration, prompting his 'question mark' to briefly morph into an exclamation point. "Oh, I get it! You're one of those people who thinks that Seinfeld is the best anime. Well, in my defense, I was debating about whether to get you that or Cory in the House, but I heard that Cory in the House was better, so I went with that." The naïve prosecutor smirked with outstretched arms, completely oblivious to the fact that he had just essentially opened Pandora's Box. "So, Mr. Blackquill, am I the best or what?"
"Oh, you're the best, alright… the best at being a complete moron!" Simon roared, slamming his fists on the coffee table. "Here's a little lesson in television genres for you. None of those bloody shows are animes because they aren't even bloody animated! They're live-action!"
"I'm not an idiot, Mr. Blackquill." Sebastian retorted as he made a frame with his hands. "Of course I know that they're not animes."
"Thank you! So you do have a raisin of a brain in that head of yours!" Simon exclaimed with a mixture of rage and relief.
"They're debeste animes." Sebastian stated with the utmost confidence, leaving the Twisted Samurai completely gobstruck.
You'd think that Simon would immediately attack Sebastian, decking the little git in the jaw and sending him flying into the stratosphere, but he didn't. No, at that moment, Simon was so overcome with rage and disbelief that he couldn't help but glare at his idiotic coworker while his left eye started to twitch. How could a single person be so stupid, yet somehow be a successful prosecutor for almost ten years? The very thought of it enraged Simon to the point where he was shackled in place by his anger.
Recognizing the crazed look in the ex-convict's eye as being similar to the one in his brother's before… the breakdown happened, Klavier- who was keeping to himself not because he was scared of what was happening like Juniper, but because, like Kay, he was enjoying the show, took a few steps back away from Sebastian and towards the nearest corner. And good thing he did, because a few seconds later, Simon snapped. Simon snapped big time.
Like a raging bull, Simon charged at Sebastian with his arms extended out, not giving the clueless prosecutor a chance to escape as he tackled him to the ground, pinning him in place with his knees. And with his coworker secured in place, the Twisted Samurai wrapped his hands around the naïve prosecutor's throat and began squeezing.
"I'll kill you, Deworste, and don't think for a minute that I won't! I went to prison once for something close to me and I won't hesitate to do it again!" Simon roared with absolute hate in his voice and eyes.
"Someone, help me!" Sebastian gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled in vain to escape his assaulter's grasp.
Thankfully for the clueless prosecutor, Pearl quickly came to his rescue, easily knocking the ex-con away with a single slap before pinning him to the ground.
"It's Christmastime! Play nice!" The young spirit medium said in a reprimanding tone as she restrained the Twisted Samurai's arms behind his back with her ironclad grip.
"How is this young girl so freakishly strong?" Simon exclaimed as he struggled in vain to free himself.
"We've been asking that question for years, Prosecutor Blackquill. It's better not to think about it." Phoenix nonchalantly replied.
"Ya know what would lighten the mood?" Bucky chimed in as whipped out a gift cards from his coat. "Soba! Enjoy! It's ma gift to everyone!"
The intoxicated chef proceeded to stagger about the room as he handed out gift cards to everyone except Edgeworth, which they responded to with many a 'Yes!' and 'Thanks, Bucky!' And upon returning to his seat, Bucky grinned with satisfaction as he watched the others enjoying their gift, particularly Maya and Gumshoe.
But Bucky's moment of bliss quickly came to an end when Edgeworth decided to speak up.
"Excuse me, Mr. Whet, you seem to have forgotten to give me a gift card."
"I know." Bucky snarled as he glared daggers at the Chief Prosecutor. "Soba's fer people who don't give me bonds for Christmas, ya dirty bond-giver!"
"If you're going to act that way, then I don't want to eat at your establishment." Edgeworth stated with crossed arms. "In fact, considering how inebriated you currently are, I'd wager that your soba is mediocre at best."
"MEDIOCRE!?" Bucky roared. "Ma soba's da best in da land, ya big pink marshmallow!"
"This is exactly what I mean. If you can't tell the difference between maroon and pink, then I can only imagine how off your cooking is." Edgeworth smirked with outstretched arms.
"Ya wanna go a few rounds, pretty boy?!" Bucky bellowed as he slammed his fists on the coffee table. "'Cause I'm not afraid ta jump over dis table an' ram ma foot up yer-"
"Hoy, Bucky, calm down!" Simon interjected. "Don't waste your energy on someone who's so pitifully in the dark when it comes to the nuanced art of soba. For goodness sake, this is a man who frequently drinks hot leaf juice. If that's his definition of a good beverage, then what hope does he have when it comes to discerning quality?"
"Well, Prosecutor Blackquill, if you don't rescind your comment about tea, then 'hot leaf juice' is all you'll be able to afford after I'm done cutting your pay." Edgeworth sternly stated with crossed arms.
Upon hearing this, Simon whistled, prompting Taka, who was perch on one of Charley's garland-covered branches, to fly over and land on his master's shoulder.
"If you cut my pay over something as trivial as tea, then Taka will tear off your-"
"Ok! My turn!" Athena exclaimed with a grin on her face in the hopes of diffusing the situation as she pulled out a small wrapped rectangular box from her pocket and handed it to Trucy with a sullen look on her face. "Here's the Blaine Wacky Cards that I got you, Trucy. Sorry they're a repeat."
"Don't worry, Athena! I can always use a spare! Thank you so much!" The young magician chirped as she ripped open the present and placed it on top of her other pack.
"I'm so glad to hear that." Athena sighed in relief as she reached into the pile of presents and pulled out a rectangular box, which she handed to her boss. "Here you go, Mr. Wright! The second I saw it, I knew that it was perfect for you!"
"In that case, I can't help but question your tastes, Athena." Phoenix noted with a perplexed look, holding up a pair of elevator shoes for all to see after unwrapping his gift.
"Wait, if you got those, then that must mean that Apollo…" Athena gasped with her hands on her cheeks.
Meanwhile in audience chamber in Khura'in's royal palace, Apollo was holding the Burly Brush 580 toilet brush intended for Phoenix in his hand with a disheartened look on his face as the room filled with Datz, Rayfa, Nahyuta, and Amara's laughter.
"Really, Athena?" Apollo grumbled before turning to the prosecutor monk. "Hey, Nahyuta, out of curiosity, does that rosary of yours work long-distance?"
"How could I have mistaken a toilet brush for elevator shoes?!" Athena bemoaned, her fists clenched and gaze cast upwards as she tried her best to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Athena." Phoenix chuckled. "You've given me a good laugh that'll last me until spring. Plus, I could never replace Ol' Gilligan."
"In that case, let's get this back on track!" The yellow-cladded attorney proclaimed with a determined grin as she slammed her fist into her palm. "Maya, Bucky, I think that you'll enjoy these…"
Athena reached into her pocket and pulled out two gift cards which she handed out to the two guests.
"A Big Willy's gift card! Thanks, Athena!" Maya squealed with a look of absolute delight on her face, a stark contrast to the confused look on Bucky's.
"Who da f*%$ is Eldoon?" The inebriated chef yelled out.
"Why, he only runs the best noodle cart in all of L.A.!" Maya chirped as she clasped her hands together. "How could anyone not know Mr. Eldoon?"
"Yes, Bucky, how could you forget about that five-star establishment in an alley run by a guy who has mastered the art of cooking noodles with rainwater, better known as Gumshoe-style?" Simon wry retorted, earning a death glare from Maya.
Hey, pal! I'm right here!" The Chief of Police snapped.
"Don't you compare Mr. Eldoon to Gumshoe!" Maya huffed as she puffed out her cheeks. "He's a thousand times cleaner! And as for the rainwater, that's because Mr. Eldoon, like Bill Willy's, uses only all-natural ingredients when preparing his food and doesn't give into the big corporations!"
"Am I invisible or something?" Gumshoe sighed with a sad look on his face.
"Don't worry, Gumshoe. Even if you are invisible, I'll always be able to find you thanks to the overwhelming stench of noodle broth and sadness that you're always emanating." Edgeworth sneered as he patted his friend's shoulder.
"That's a low blow, sir."
"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before badmouthing my generous gift and joining in Larry's war chant." Edgeworth replied with crossed arms.
"Oh, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, this is for you." Athena stated as she handed him a present from the pile.
"Thank you, Ms. Cykes." Edgeworth said with a half-bow as he accepted the present, which he proceeded to carefully open, and upon seeing that it was the Limited-Edition Tenth Anniversary Pink Princess action figure, a grin of delight spread across his face. "Well, I can say with certainty that today has been quite good to me- sans the whole bond fiasco, of course."
Though before Athena could revel in her success, she and Juniper were given 'gifts' of their own in the form of lashes from Franziska's whip.
"You fools temporarily paralyzed me so that you could take credit for MY gift!?" The silver-haired prosecutor snarled as she pulled at her whip.
"I didn't do it on purpose, Ms. von Karma. Honest." Athena said with a dejected look on her face as she grabbed her left arm. "I haven't known Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth for that long and I didn't know what to get him. But according to Mr. Wright, he's a huge Steel Samurai fanboy, so I figured-"
"H-Hold it!" Edgeworth objected, his cheeks becoming a bright shade of red. "I don't know what your boss- a.k.a. the King of Baseless Conjectures- told you, but I am not a 'fanboy'. I am merely a man who appreciates the show for its exquisite cinematography and engaging storylines."
"Riiight, Mr. Edgeworth…" Kay smirked with a roll of her eyes as she decided to break the silence that she had somehow maintained throughout most of the gathering. "So is that why you looked like you were about to cry that one time when you discovered that the Steel Samurai who gave you an autograph was-"
"Not another word regarding that incident, Kay." The Chief Prosecutor sternly hissed.
"Or what?" Kay asked with crossed arms. "Are you gonna cut my pay like Gummy's? Because if that's the case, then you're out of luck... in five years." The Yatagarasu joked as she held up her bond.
"Wait, wait, back things up. Athena, you paralyzed Franziska?" Phoenix asked with a look of shock on his face.
"You go, girl! Way to get some payback for Team Defense! Give me five!" Maya chirped as she held up her hand for a high-five, only to immediately lower it upon Phoenix giving her a look of disapproval.
"Yes, Phoenix Wright, Athena Cykes and her friend paralyzed me yesterday- no doubt a result of your foolishly foolish teachings!" Franziska snapped.
"Hey, I didn't paralyze you, Junie did!" Athena objected, gesturing to her meek friend who responded by starting to cough. "And she only did that because your psycho friend tackled me to the ground!"
"Nevertheless, I didn't want to bring that incident up in order to maintain my dignity, but that all flew out the window the second I saw that foolishly foolish girl who builds her foolishly foolish fool cases on foolishly foolish emotions give my gift to my little brother and steal my glory!" The silver-haired prosecutor yelled, punctuating each 'my' by whipping Athena. "And because my gift was stolen, I had to resort to giving Miles Edgeworth that foolish bond- but not before foolishly buying… Where is it?" Franziska grumbled to herself as she dug through the gift pile before pulling out a Jammin' Ninja boombox and holding it up for all to see. "THIS!"
"Good thing you settled on the bond, Franziska." Edgeworth nonchalantly replied, acting as if this was a typical everyday situation. "The Jammin' Ninja is a show that caters to the lowest dregs of society and I wouldn't be caught dead with any of its merchandise."
"Cool! Can I have that boombox, Ms. von Karma?" Kay chirped, gazing upon the boombox with a look of awe.
"Be my guest, Kay Faraday" Franziska shrugged her shoulders before handing the boombox to the Yatagarasu.
"Yay! Thanks, Ms. von Karma!" Kay squealed as she hugged the present.
"See what I mean?" Edgeworth wryly responded with outstretched arms.
"Hey, it's still a better gift than your crummy bonds, Mr. Edgeworth." Kay snidely retorted, causing the Chief Prosecutor to reel back.
"Alright, your turn, Prosecutor Gavin." Athena stated as she reached into her coat and pulled out a cd before handing it to the ex-rock star.
"And what's this supposed to be, Fräuline? A mixtape of my songs? Because if it is, then your efforts are for naught since they're as second nature to me as breathing." Klavier responded with his hands on his hips and his usual confident grin.
"Don't worry, Prosecutor Gavin. While this is a mixtape, it contains none of your songs."
"Well, let's give it a listen then. Fräuline Thief, your boombox please." Klavier grinned at Kay, holding his arm underhand and wiggling his fingers for a few seconds until he was handed the boombox.
After Klavier inserted the disk into the device and turned it on, his mood quickly took a turn for the worst when the first song to start playing was She Blinded Me with Science. The grin that he wore so confidently was replaced by a frown, and the mischievous glimmer that made his blue eyes so attractive to the fräulines dulled as thoughts of his Fräuline Detective filled his mind. He always thought that one day she would see past his 'glimmerous' exterior and take note of his sensitive, caring interior, or that he would find that perfect moment to tell her how he felt. But alas, fate had different plans for the former rock star. Klavier was too slow, too confident, too delusional thanks to all those corny romantic comedies that his mother always made him watch with her throughout November and December, and now he was paying the price since his Fräuline Detective was spending the holidays in some backwater country in the middle of nowhere with a prosecutor with half the warmth of Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
"Thanks for the gift, Fräuline, but I have to go… water my plants!" Klavier whimpered, leaving behind the boombox as he rushed out of the office while trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.
"O-Ok…?" Athena said with a confused look on her face before pulling the Hello Kitty burger press out of the pile of presents and handing it to Simon. "Your turn, Simon!"
"Athena, do you even know me?" Simon asked with an exasperated sigh upon unwrapping the present.
"What? You like anime, so I got you something Hello Kitty-related. Why, do you hate it?" Athena responded as she cocked her head to the side out of bewilderment.
"Why is everyone here so ignorant to anime?" Simon snapped with pure irritation in his voice. "First, Bucky sends a Hello Kitty washer and dryer to my apartment…"
"Why can't I ever please you, Simey?" Bucky whimpered.
"Then, Deworste gives me that bloody live-action show! And now this!? And you know that I hate burgers, Athena. Get it out of my sight!" The Twisted Samurai roared, pushing the burger press off of his lap with a huff of disgust, causing it to hit the ground with a thud.
"Get out of my sis' office, you soulless monster!" Maya bellowed at the top of her lungs, glaring daggers at Simon as she picked up the discarded burger press and kissed it like an injured child.
"What?" Simon asked with a look of disbelief.
"You heard me, hit the bricks! If you're somehow capable of hating the beauty and majesty that is the noble burger, then I don't want you polluting this office with your presence!"
"This is ridi-"
"The power of Steel Samurai compels you!" Maya shouted as she held up the Steel Samurai helmet she was given. "The power of Steel Samurai compels you! The power of Steel Samurai compels you!"
As the burger-loving spirit medium continued her version of an exorcism, Simon couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head.
"Do you honestly believe that your squawking will get me to leave? I deal with far worse every other morning when Deworste sings Best of You for over 30 minutes. So if you think- Hey, what are you doing?" Simon snapped as Pearl grabbed him by collar of his jacket in one hand, causing Taka to fly off his shoulder, and started carrying him towards the door.
"Mystic Maya told you to get out, and that's where you're going!" Pearl proclaimed as she opened the office's door, threw the Twisted Samurai out like a piece of trash, and slammed it behind her.
"Simon!" Athena cried out, jumping up from her seat and running over to the door to help her childhood friend/brother figure, only to be stopped by Pearl.
"Please sit down, Athena." Pearl chirped.
"B-But, Simon."
"I said please sit down, Athena." Pearl repeated herself, only this time using a more sinister undertone in her voice as she rolled up her sleeve and clenched her fist, prompting the yellow-cladded attorney to return to her seat.
"Nick, can we buy 20 tons of ground beef for my new baby?" Maya cooed, acting as if nothing happened as she hugged her new burger press.
"No." Phoenix curtly responded.
"Why not?" The burger-loving spirit medium asked in the whiniest voice she could muster.
"I believe that this is enough of a reason." Phoenix stated, flashing Maya one of the coupons that she gave him.
"Oh, that? Sorry to break it to you, Nick, but those coupons expired yesterday. See?" Maya stated, pointing to the fine print in the lower right-hand corner of the piece of paper that read 'Expires 12/24/28'.
"Why am I not surprised?" Phoenix groaned with a disgruntled look on his face.
"T-Thena…" Juniper nervously muttered.
"Yeah, Junie?"
"I know that oranges are your favorite fruit, so…" The nature-loving girl reached behind the couch and grabbed a basket full of oranges which she handed over to her friend.
"Thanks, Junie! Too bad I didn't buy you something yesterday…" Athena said with a dejected look on her face as she squeezed her left arm.
"Oh…" Juniper responded with a weak smile that did little to disguise the disappointment in her voice.
"And instead chose to buy it last month!" The yellow-cladded attorney chirped, pulling a 180 on her disposition by flashing her friend a big grin and a peace sign before reaching into the pile and handing her a trowel wrapped with a bow. "Merry Christmas, Junie! Here's that trowel that you said you wanted!"
"Thank you so much, Thena!" Juniper squealed as she hugged her friend.
"Alright everyone, I may not be the wealthiest guy alive in terms of money, but I'm rich in a way that's much more important: I have lots of friends who love me despite that." Gumshoe said as he wrapped his arms around Edgeworth and Franziska's shoulders.
"You're my acquaintance, Scruffy, not my friend." Franziska objected in an oddly calm manner as she pushed the gentle giant off of her.
"I know that's just your way of caring, sir… So anyways, for Christmas this year, I've decided to give you all a gift that I made from the bottom of my heart." Gumshoe stated as he took out a crudely drawn picture of himself standing between Edgeworth, Franziska, Sebastian, Kay, Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl from his trench coat pocket and showed it to the group.
"Wait a minute, why am I not here?" Athena asked with a mildly offended tone.
"Sorry about that, pal." Gumshoe replied as he awkwardly scratched the pack of his head. "I haven't seen you enough times to remember your face."
"Typical…" Edgeworth stated with crossed arms and a roll of his eyes.
"At least I didn't give everyone bonds, sir!" Gumshoe defensively retorted.
The room then filled with much laughter at Edgeworth's expense before the group moved onto other activities, such as singing carols and telling comedic Christmases of years past. And at the end of the day, every person except Simon, Sebastian, Klavier, and Apollo had an enjoyable day.