When the moon is looking down
Shinin light upon your ground
I'm flyin up to let you see
That the shadow cast is me
The trees pass by in a blur. My nerves drown out my nausea except when we make turns. I hate cars. I see why they are useful, but I hate them all the same.
The trip to the farmhouse is a five-hour drive. Five long, excruciating hours. No one wanted to come with us. Raphael himself was skeptical but he wants to see him, too. Mona came a long, wanting to support her fiancé. So, I sit in the back of the tinted van, arms crossed in discomfort, watching time float by. Raphael doesn't try to make conversation. Mona tried but I couldn't make myself care.
We take one last turn and I reach for the paper bag.
Raphael was saddened when I said I wanted to say good-bye. Reluctant, too. But he led me through the portal to the completely torn up lair and his terrorized family. We cried together that night. I was so adamant on seeing the grave. Seeing that it was true. Now that the farmhouse is in view, I regret my decision.
Raphael tenses up and the dark atmosphere turns darker. He parks the car. No one moves until the kappa hits the wheel as hard as he can and screams. His fiancé consoles him, but I know it will do nothing. He's dying. Yin and yang can't survive without each other. I'm surprised he's holding up the way he is.
I get out of the car, keeping my eyes locked on the house. The new katana pokes my leg. Raphael climbs out. Mona doesn't. HE comes around, feet dragging, his leather jacket sleeves cover his hands. He doesn't look at me.
"He's next to Splinter. You go first. I…I need some time alone with him."
"Stay as long as you need to, Raphael-san," I state, "As soon as I'm done, I will go."
He doesn't argue. I leave the van, keeping my eyes down as I walk to the tree yards from the van.
The earth is still fresh from when they buried him. The lump enters my vision first and my heart leaps to my throat. I don't want to look up. I don't want to see English words with dashes and the Hamato signa.
But I do and loose all control of my legs as I do so. His name in grey granite haunts me. Mocks me.
"You," I hiss so slowly it's a growl," you…bakka. You…kappa! You deceived me…" Before I know it, I'm throwing dirt at the stone and screaming in my native tongue as loud as I can," LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, KAME! WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO TELL JOTARO!? AND KINTARO!" Then I weaken and slump," Or Lord Noriyuki or Tomoe Ame?"
They will be depressed at this. Maybe Tomoe Ame won't take it too hard, or here Lord…but the kids…
I sigh. The sword, the new sword, prods into my hip and I flinch. Right. Good-bye.
"Look, Leo-chan," I say slowly, almost mechanically, "I don't know what I'll do in the future. Whether I come back or I try to forget but…"
I stop, feeling quite silly talking to a rock. But I've seen Leonardo do it many times before. If a ninja can do it, so can a Samurai.
"Thank you, Kage." I say, letting the tears slide as I mumble what I've come to say," Thank you for sharing your family, your home and…" I pause, almost choking, "…and you're love."
I feel it. The crack in me. I feel the clock. I'm out of time. It's time to go. It's time. It's time…
"I can't say your name," I choke, gripping the dirt, willing the corpse alive, willing time to go back. But it's dragging me, the stones saying its time. I keep going," I can't even breathe anymore. What have you done to me! You've broken me! You did this! You demon! You-"
"Usagi…"
I freeze. The wind blows by my ears and I hear it. The voice of the ocean, stern but gentle. Leaves rustle but I am frozen still.
"It's okay."
A hand, I assume Raphael's, touches my shoulder. I don't have time to see. I scream, anger, fear and sorrow ripping through me. I run. The turtle and his salamander women yell. I pump my arms and legs as fast as I can into the woods and into my own world.
I didn't know where to go. The stones take me to the only place I can think of. Tomoe Ame jumps to her feet as I run int through the portal. Lord Noriyuki falls back in surprise.
"Usagi-san, wha-"Then she sees my eyes and heavy breathing. Her eyes turn from worry to fear, "Usagi…what has happened?"
I have no words as I fall into her and cry.
The song pauses for a moment, leaving complete silence. It catches me off guard and my breath hitches. My heart beats harder. Emptiness. Cold. Dark. No sound. No light. It fills me.
Then the tune starts again, gentle as if in the wake of a devastation. I feel like its mocking me.
I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions
Ooh, I hope to see you again
My fur is no longer dry. My hands are soaked from me trying to be rid of angry tears that won't stop. It reminds me of Lord Noriyuki and Tomoe Ame. Once I finally got out that Leonardo was…gone. Tomoe Ame cried with me, giving me comfort. Noriyuki sent word out to all his villages. They know of the time Leonardo saved his life from Lord Hebi. They adored Leonardo.
He arranged this farewell façade. Lanterns and fireworks and good-bye feasts. He never got ot show Leonardo his appreciation. Not the way he wanted to. I smile. Leonardo has a way with young people. Blessing from having three brothers, I suppose.
I allow the song to finish and go quite before turning the phone off. I can't run forever. But only if I could.
Ooh, birds fly in different directions
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high
It's silent.
I watch red and white pop off the trees in front of me. Fireworks shine in my peripheral vision. I let my mind quiet and pray for the ache in my soul to stop…
"Beautiful colors aren't they."
No.