Welcome to the second part of Turning Tail! A reminder to check out Catch and Release if you haven't, as its second part is also released today! The third and final parts to each will be released two days from now.
Enjoy!
Harespring actually liked the Dark Forest.
He knew it was a strange opinion after hearing Antpelt, Sunstrike, and Breezepelt complain enough about the constantly slightly-wet soil, the dark sky, and the dead trees, but it was true. Despite all those features, there was something about it that appealed to Harespring. Maybe not the locale itself, but he liked being part of something, something more than just his Clan. He loved the way Breezepelt would give him a little nod over the fresh-kill pile, and though Sunstrike's pursuit of him did get a bit annoying, their natural camaraderie was also welcome. And even if most of the cats in the Dark Forest had pasts that would make a hardened warrior shiver in his nest, the idea that he could stand shoulder to shoulder with the most fearsome cats the Clans had to offer without wilting, made him swell with pride.
I'll be as strong as them without making the mistakes they did, he decided as he watched Redwillow and Shredtail tussle, snarling and ripping at each other. I won't be as violent or cruel, but I'll be strong, and I'll protect WindClan.
Shredtail pushed him hard that night.
"It's almost time for your assessment! You'll be shredded if you fight like that," he mewed scornfully, dodging one of Harespring's heavy blows. "Come on, hit me harder! Faster!"
Harespring breathed heavily, then shot forward and grabbed Shredtail by the neck. Anticipating it, Shredtail tore himself away and Harespring didn't miss a beat as he shot forward and slammed his mentor into the ground. Shredtail's head snapped back and hit the ground hard. Harespring felt a pang of concern but knew the tabby would probably give him a clout over the ear if he asked if he was okay. Instead, he put on the cocky persona he'd begun to adopt during these training bouts.
"You'll have to move faster than that," he replied, batting away Shredtail's paws as the smaller tom tried to throw him off. "I win, I think."
Shredtail eventually went limp and purred, a croaky, battered sound. "Well done, Harespring. As long as you pick an easy target for the assessment, you'll be a full warrior in no time."
I already am, he thought, but didn't voice it. Bringing up Clan ways in the Dark Forest wasn't always a great idea. The nick in his ear pricked with the reminder.
Shredtail had given him a great deal of advice for the coming assessment. The most important part, the tabby had said, was to pick a target that Harespring knew he could defeat. He had hissed something about not embarrassing him and not letting all that training go to waste. Harespring wasn't certain whether defeat would mean that he'd limp off with his tail between his legs or if his Clanmates would find him dead in his nest. With any luck, he wouldn't have to find out.
He'd certainly learned that once they'd left the dream-moor, any injuries that Shredtail left him with in training would carry into the waking world. His Clanmates had begun to talk. Thorns in the nest doesn't work as an excuse forever. Kestrelpaw's eyes brimmed with worry when Harespring limped out of camp in the mornings, but Harespring refused to submit to treatment. I wasted enough herbs in my first apprenticeship. A warrior of the Dark Forest bears his injuries with pride.
And I'll listen to Shredtail, he decided, even though it made his conscience scold him. I'll pick Darkstripe, maybe. The dark tabby was cruel and skinny enough that Harespring was confident he wouldn't feel too guilty and he wouldn't have too much trouble beating the other tom's head in. Grab his neck and cut his belly when he panics, he reminded himself, adrenaline humming in his veins at the reminder of what he would soon need to do. He stepped off Shredtail and let his mentor scramble to his paws.
"You'll need to finish the job next time," the tabby growled, and tackled Harespring again.
They fought until Harespring's entire body throbbed with pain and exhaustion. He had learned to relish it. In the moment, at least; it would be less welcome when he was patrolling with his Clanmates and trying to hide the discomfort that dogged him at every pawstep.
"Alright. Enough," Shredtail announced, scrambling off Harespring's back where he had been hooking his claws into the brown and white tom's spine. "I'll tell Brokenstar your assessment will be tomorrow night. Take it easy tomorrow, eat well before you fall asleep, and get ready for your first kill."
My last kill, hopefully, Harespring thought, but kept up the persona. "Good. I'm ready."
Shredtail nodded once, and as Harespring lowered himself to the ground and curled up to return to the waking world, he thought he could see a gleam of pride in his mentor's yellow gaze.
When he blinked his eyes open on the ground in WindClan's camp, Tornear was standing over him. Harespring squinted up at the wiry tom. "Good morning…?"
"You're hurt," Tornear mewed, eyes sharp as they roved over Harespring's flank.
Harespring stood, hiding his wince at the pain that rippled down his back. Should've shoved Shredtail off faster when he was on my back. "I'm fine. The humidity is just making my joints stiffen."
"Half the Clan heard you yowl in your sleep," Tornear retorted, blocking his ex-apprentice's way as Harespring tried to pad over to Ashfoot to be assigned to a patrol.
"I was having a weird dream."
"I think you should go to the medicine den," Tornear told him, not budging.
He huffed a sigh. I don't want to waste their time. But WindClan had been enjoying relative peace for the last moon or so, and Harespring figured that the herbs were probably rotting from disuse anyway. "Fine."
Despite the acquiescence, Tornear's concerned gaze followed Harespring across camp as the brown and white tom forced himself not to limp or cringe as pain stabbed through his pads. Shredtail's a rabbit-brain. Why would he unsheathe his claws in practice if he wants me to be in top form tonight? All the more reason to visit the medicine den, he decided, trying to reason with his pride. It wouldn't do to have some festering wound while Darkstripe was trying to rip his guts out.
"Harespring?" Kestrelpaw's nervous mew greeted him as he ducked into the old warren. "You're hurt!"
Why does he sound so surprised? Harespring swallowed a mrrow of amusement. This isn't the first time.
As usual, Kestrelpaw helped him into a nest and packed in a little extra moss to make him comfortable. The routine made Harespring's chest warm, and he blinked at the smaller tom as he worked, hoping Kestrelpaw was also thinking of the time they'd shared as apprentices.
"How'd you get these scrapes?" Kestrelpaw asked, nosing through the fur on Harespring's spine.
"That tickles," Harespring mewed, rumbling a purr. "I don't remember. Maybe there's a thorn in my nest."
"Well, either Larkpaw's trying to slowly kill you in your sleep or there's something else going on," Kestrelpaw replied, finally padding back around Harespring to look into his eyes. There was a weight in his gaze that made Harespring's heart beat quicker. "Harespring… please be honest with me."
"I am!" Harespring protested, guilt searing his pelt.
Kestrelpaw blinked, then let out a slow breath. "Then answer this truthfully. Are you and Breezepelt sparring together with claws unsheathed?"
"What?" Harespring faked confusion. "Like, training outside of camp? Of course not. Tornear taught me everything I needed to know moons ago."
The other tom's face darkened. "Really? Because you two are coming in here with similar scratches a lot lately. What's causing it?"
"I don't know!" Harespring lied. "We fought a dog a half-moon ago."
Kestrelpaw scored the earth with his claws, looking more distressed than Harespring had seen him. "Harespring! These are fresh. If you're getting hurt, then it's my business as a medicine cat to know what the problem is." When Harespring kept his jaws shut, the tom shook his head and said, "I'm worried about you."
Harespring's heart fluttered, but all he said was, "Don't be. I'm fine."
Kestrelpaw stared at him searchingly for another few heartbeats, then sighed. "Okay. I trust you."
More guilt bubbled beneath his pelt, but he thrust it away. Kestrelpaw just wouldn't understand, he told himself. I'm doing this for him. And as he stood and stretched, he took silent stock of how he towered over the other tom. I'm living up to the elders' tales, finally. He thought of Dustpelt and all the faceless shadows that lurked on their borders. Nothing will hurt Kestrelpaw while I'm still breathing, whether or not it means that I have to take the hit for him.
As he padded out of the medicine den, flicking his tail to acknowledge Kestrelpaw when the apprentice called after him, reminding him to take it easy, he wondered why it was Kestrelpaw that his fears had fixed themselves on. He glanced at the nursery, where the squeaks of kits play-fighting echoed off the heather and the warm gaze of their mothers watched over them. They're just as defenseless… but… He turned his gaze back toward the rest of the camp and saw Sunstrike watching him, her green eyes warm. He forced a smile at her and flicked his tail in greeting. Nothing drew him to her the same that… Don't, Harespring.
He knew why it was Kestrelpaw. Why it was always Kestrelpaw. But saying it, even putting it into words in his mind… that was a bad idea.
Instead, he spent the day in camp, helping the elders and fetching prey for the queens. It felt good to protect his Clanmates this way, even if it was just against pangs of hunger and the nip of a tick. A warrior can help in more ways than just with his claws, he decided, thinking of Shredtail. Maybe that's where the Dark Forest warriors went wrong. They decided that attacking everything was the only way to keep their Clanmates safe.
Harespring was almost too excited and nervous to sleep that night, but the dull thrum of pain of his wounds and the anticipation soon guided him into darkness. He was one of the first to awaken to the dusky light of the Place of No Stars, and he hurried over to Shredtail without wasting a beat.
"Ready?" his mentor growled, the same anticipation flashing in his yellow eyes.
Harespring nodded, unsheathing his claws to tear up the earth. "When is it happening?"
"After a training exercise," Shredtail told him. "Brokenstar wants to do another defend-the-rock game. And we've got a few new Clanmates."
Harespring tried not to be too pleased that Shredtail was already treating him like a full warrior. Usually he would've been given a vague 'you'll see,' but that would change tonight permanently. I wonder who the new Clanmates are.
Breezepelt, Minnowtail, and Sunstrike introduced the three new apprentices from their Clans, Furzepaw, Hollowpaw, and Larkpaw, and Harespring felt a flash of pride that WindClan had two more cats training in the Place of No Stars. They'll be able to protect their less-trained Clanmates too, soon enough. Brokenstar himself introduced another; a square-shouldered tortoiseshell, Blossomfall.
Harespring watched his ThunderClan Clanmates, curious if they'd be proud to have a new cat as well. Mousewhisker and Birchfall waved their tails to greet her, while Ivypool, the longest ThunderClan cat to have been training in the Dark Forest, looked horrified. Angry to have to share the attention? He guessed. Or maybe they just don't get along.
"We're glad to have you all," Brokenstar rumbled, and Harespring squared his shoulders as the leader cast his gaze over them. Good. Larkpaw and Furzepaw will see me become a full warrior. He shot the two small littermates a friendly glance.
They began to split up to start the training exercises, and as Shredtail had said, the WindClan trainees were assigned to a defend-the-rock exercise. Maggottail, one of the oldest and most dangerous spirits, began on the rock, and Harespring thought with a pang of worry that he'd rather not win; it would mean taking Maggottail's place, and then trying to fend off all the other warriors, Maggottail included. Can't even hook your claws into his pelt; he's missing too much fur, he thought, trying to comfort himself with a joke. The humour leached out of it when Maggottail's cold, colourless gaze landed on him. There was nothing at all behind his eyes. Harespring shook out his own thick pelt and bunched his haunches, waiting for Shredtail's call.
"Begin!" the tabby yowled, and Harespring struck first.
He leapt directly at Maggottail's patchy flank, trying to finish the fight in a heartbeat by knocking the tom off, but Maggottail spun, light and quick as a breeze, and then plowed one square paw into Harespring's jaw so hard that the younger tom saw stars. But there aren't any stars here, he thought as he was flung to the ground, then scrambled to his paws, shaking his head hard to clear it.
Breezepelt hissed and tackled Maggottail, who threw him off without much difficulty and turned his ice-cold gaze on the two apprentices who were clambering up the rock. He slammed a white, translucent paw onto Furzepaw's head and the apprentice tumbled to the earth. Larkpaw saw an opening and leapt at Maggottail with her sheathed paws outstretched. Maggottail grabbed her out of the air and drove her onto the stone, planted a paw on her neck, and shot forward like a striking snake with his near-transparent jaws open to finish it.
"Stop!" Shredtail yowled.
A chill, colder than leaf-bare, swept over Harespring as he watched Maggottail slowly remove his paw from Larkpaw's neck to allow the she-cat to scramble away. She did, half-dazed and wide-eyed with terror.
Shredtail shouldered past the hissing Breezepelt and the two shocked apprentices, jumped up beside Maggottail, and growled, "What are you doing? Don't kill the recruits; have you forgotten what Brokenstar told you last time?"
Last time…? Harespring couldn't help stepping back. It was all well and good to feel strong and scary standing next to such cats, but the reminder of the abject cruelty that ran deep within some of them made his chest tighten. Shredtail never intervenes. He nearly broke my leg once, and only stopped when I shoved him off. He stared at Maggottail.
"I got carried away," Maggottail said, his voice breathy and insubstantial as always. The excuse came out flat and unconvincing, and Shredtail cast the other tom a long, dark look, then jumped off the rock. Maggottail turned, and that pale gaze met Harespring's. What if Shredtail hadn't stopped him? But it was a mouse-brained question when looking into those eyes. He would have killed her. An apprentice, less than a moon out of the nursery. That's not protecting your Clanmates, that's just evil.
And despite the strength and speed of a fox that Harespring knew Maggottail possessed, he had changed his mind about who he would fight tonight.
He won't protect his Clanmates, but I will, Harespring thought, tearing his gaze away from Maggottail and looking instead at poor, shivering Larkpaw. I'm not going to find out what will happen if Shredtail isn't there next time. If I have to kill my 'Clanmates' to protect my real Clanmates, then I will.
"Remember," Shredtail murmured as the trainees assembled beneath their seniors to get ready to watch the assessments taking place tonight, "pick someone you can beat."
Harespring gave him a nod, and tight fear coiled in his stomach. He felt a little ill as he swept his gaze over the fading shadows and the excited Clan cats. This is the moment, he thought, finally landing on Darkstripe, who was standing next to Maggottail. This is when I prove myself more than a mouse-heart, and prove that I won't stand by and watch some flea-bag hurt Kestrelpaw.
Or any of his Clanmates, he thought, looking at Larkpaw. This is it.
Sunstrike stepped forward quickly, brushing her pelt with his. "You've got this," she whispered, almost sounding as if she was trying to assure herself. He gave her a stiff nod, and she withdrew.
"Harespring!" Brokenstar yowled from his position at the very top of the jagged cliff that the cats were gathered beneath. "Is it your wish to become a true Clanmate of the Dark Forest, to fight for us against any enemy and to never hesitate to deliver a killing blow?"
He'd heard the not-ceremony's words a few times before; Breezepelt, for one, had been named a 'full' warrior a half-moon before despite being younger than Harespring. Never before had he felt like this listening to them, though. As if he was being marched towards his death. For Larkpaw. And for Kestrelpaw. The thought of Maggottail's empty gaze landing on the black and white tom made Harespring's mew ring with conviction when he said, "It is."
Brokenstar's mouth split into a broken-toothed grin. "Then… pick your opponent."
Harespring let his gaze sweep over the assembled cats. Shredtail gave him a meaningful stare, and he dipped his head to his mentor. Darkstripe caught his gaze and drew back his lips in a hint of a snarl, but Harespring's eyes skipped over him. This is it.
"Maggottail of the Place of No Stars," Harespring growled.
Shredtail's eyes widened, horrified, and the patchy white tom peeled away from the other leaders, expression unreadable. Brokenstar raised his chin, seeming a little impressed. Or maybe amused at Harespring's foolish choice. Breezepelt had killed Applefrost, a spirit that had died when she was hardly more than a warrior. Sunstrike had picked out a target in Redstar, who was muscular and senior, but had died when he was so old that Harespring had no doubt Sunstrike wouldn't have too much difficulty snapping his neck when her time came.
Harespring wasn't so much choosing an opponent as he was a means of a particularly swift death. Maggottail's transparent body echoed a long forgotten cat, too large and lean to really be called a cat. His soul, as well as his colouration had been sapped away by the darkness of the forest.
"Very well," Brokenstar said, his raspy mew dropping low. "Then Maggottail, come forward." The words were perfunctory; the spirit had already padded to stand across the wet clearing from Harespring. "The fight will be to the death. Harespring, we hope that you prove yourself. On my mark."
Harespring surveyed the watching cats, breath fluttering in his throat like a trapped bird. Larkpaw was watching with those same round amber eyes, Breezepelt merely cocked his head with interest, and Shredtail looked on the verge of yowling for him to stop like he had during the rock exercise. But Harespring had made his choice, and would look like a mouse-heart if he tried to back down now. Finally, his gaze came to rest on Maggottail.
Maggottail stood unnaturally still. No hair on his pelt ruffled, no light glinted in his eyes, just… stillness. He watched Harespring.
"Begin," Brokenstar growled.
Get the first hit.
Harespring threw himself at Maggottail, breaking into a sprint as he crossed the distance between them, and dragged the white tom to the ground.
You can't protect anyone by waiting for the other cat to strike.
Maggottail struck like a flash of white lightning, tearing a red stripe across Harespring's shoulder. He had narrowly missed the throat.
Toms should be big, brave, and strong. The echo of Shredtail's advice began to blend with elders' tales as pain ripped through him.
Harespring shouldered the skinnier tom off him, ignoring the sparks of agony ignited when his fur tore, then struck his side as hard as he could with both forepaws. The attempt to shove him off balance failed, and Maggottail pounced on him like he was a piece of prey.
Remember what's on the line.
He tried to think of Larkpaw as pain made his vision swing. Knowing Maggottail was a heartbeat from finishing him, he lashed out again and drove Maggottail back before the other tom could snap his jaws around his throat.
"You can't save him," Maggottail rasped, so softly Harespring still thought it was an echo of something else at first.
He rained blows on Maggottail's head, who tucked himself into a roll and sprung to his paws again immediately. He didn't seem at all fazed by the battering Harespring had been hoping to unleash.
"What?!" he snapped, throwing himself forward again.
Maggottail met him with a staggering back-kick, spinning so fast Harespring hardly understood what was happening until he was flung backward and rolled, tail over muzzle. Pain ricocheted through his chest, knocking the wind out of him.
"That little apprentice," Maggottail whispered as he leapt on Harespring again.
"Shredtail will keep Larkpaw safe," Harespring growled, raking Maggottail's belly with his backlegs even as Maggottail's blows to his face made his ears ring.
"Not her."
Kestrelpaw.
Cold water surged up to freeze Harespring's heart as he came nose-to-nose with Maggottail, who had paused shredding him to watch, still and silent, the effect the words had on him.
Kestrelpaw.
Always Kestrelpaw.
He's coming to hurt Kestrelpaw.
So even as his muzzle stung, his eyes blurred, his ears rang—Everything is to save him. He grabbed Maggottail's throat, both front paws hooking into either side of his neck, and surged up so hard and fast that they rolled. The momentum made them switch positions putting Harespring atop Maggottail, who was flat on his back. Maggottail's empty eyes widened.
Harespring slammed Maggottail's head into the earth. Beneath the rush of blood in his ears, he heard a crack. He pulled him up and slammed him down again. Another soft crack. Then again. Until Harespring's claws were glinting in the air, unsheathed and rearing up over and over again, bringing nothing but empty air with them.
"Harespring!"
He did not know whether it was Brokenstar, Shredtail, Larkpaw, or Sunstrike who had called out the first greeting. But within a heartbeat, every Clanmate took up the cheer. His name rang through the trees, echoing off the stone of the cliff and through the black sky.
He finally stopped and lowered his head, panting. It's over. It's finally over. He tilted his head back and let out a long, shivering yowl. Without missing a beat, his Clanmates, every filthy spirit in this starless place added their voice to his. As his dropped to a mournful groan, shaking with the pain of the wounds Maggottail had inflicted, they drowned him out.
"Harespring," Shredtail said, bounding over to him with glowing eyes.
He let out a low, rusty purr, and ducked his head. "You're not angry that I picked him?"
Shredtail snorted. "I thought you were crowfood for a heartbeat there, but the leaders will be so impressed that my apprentice killed one of the oldest spirits here. Or, my ex-apprentice, I should say."
The feeling of his claws in Maggottail's pelt, of the tom's soft voice in his ear was too sudden and recent for him to keep up the persona. He's dead, he told himself. He's dead and I'm not. It wasn't enough to keep back the chill that had settled over his pelt.
"You should sleep now," Shredtail said. "I'm sure you'll be invited to one of the leaders' meetings soon, but… for now, enjoy the memory of your first kill."
"Wait," Harespring rasped.
Shredtail paused, about to turn away, then flicked his tail. "Yes?"
"He knew about Kestrelpaw. How did he know?"
"Ah." Shredtail shrugged. "The leaders know why every cat is here. Kestrelpaw is the reason you're here. We need trained cats to get ready to change things for the better, and we need them to want it."
"Change things…?" Harespring shook his head. "I just want to be stronger."
"To protect Kestrelpaw," Shredtail finished for him, then thrust his muzzle closer to Harespring. "Mottlepaw made me a better warrior. They killed her because the code wouldn't stop them, so I killed them. Every battle I was in, I found a cat—apprentice, warrior, deputy, didn't matter—and I slashed their throat. Until the forest knew my name and knew what I would do to them. You have a chance I didn't have; to be with Kestrelpaw."
Harespring wanted to flinch away at Shredtail's implications, but he found himself rooted to the ground.
"But the code would stop you," he growled. "Because of some cat you'll never meet, in a world that was nothing like ours, thousands," he spat, "of moons ago… you'll have nothing with him. And one day, you'll both be dead. And even then, StarClan will watch and judge as you cross paths."
Harespring hardly dared breathe at the suggestion. But StarClan is...
"Kestrelpaw makes you a better warrior," Shredtail murmured, finally relaxing the intensity of his gaze as his voice neared a purr. "Kestrelpaw is the reason I brought you here. And if you support us, if we win, and we change things… then you will be together."
Harespring was no longer under any illusions of the 'prophecies' Shredtail may have foreseen, but his words and the world they created were so… needed, like fresh-kill to some starved part of his soul.
"You want to change the code," Harespring breathed.
"Yes," was all Shredtail said, flicking his tail.
A thousand whirling contradictions set upon Harespring like a flock of crows, but at the end of each was an understanding. Whatever it takes to protect him. And further than that… Whatever it takes to be with him. Shredtail's yellow gaze was steady, and Harespring met it, unflinching.
"Good," Harespring said.
In the Heart (of Battle)
Things changed for Harespring in the Dark Forest.
Some ways, it was obvious; more faceless spirits ducked their heads when he cast his gaze over them, he was invited to leaders' meetings, and Shredtail fought beside him rather than against him.
There were subtler changes too, though. As if a dam had broken, Breezepelt's trust in him flooded forth. Within a half-moon, Harespring knew all about Crowfeather's half-Clan kits, Leafpool, the presumed-dead Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze, whom Breezepelt insisted on comparing himself to at every turn. Privately, Harespring thought he was making him miserable. Sunstrike, too, grew closer to him, much to his chagrin. He knew she had ideas about what their relationship would be after she killed Redstar, but he couldn't bring himself to disillusion her. Happiness is in short supply, he thought, and if a battle really is coming, then why not let her be happy now?
The other Dark Forest 'warriors' who were still alive treated him with a great deal more familiarity as well. He went with Minnowtail and Beetlewhisker when they skipped training to 'hunt,' which ended up being very difficult given the only prey was skeletal and indistinct, but resulted in unexpected fun all the same. They really did feel like Clanmates, some nights. Most of them, anyway; Ivypool, the scarred silver and white she-cat and Tigerheart, the handsome tabby watched him with bleak gazes. He met Ivypool's and thought of Antpelt. He didn't know who Tigerheart had killed, but the tom was equally guilty.
Perhaps that was part of why there was an unexpected bond between the warriors. He looked at Minnowtail and remembered how she'd dragged the scrawny black tom, Houndleap, to the edge of the oily waters. Houndleap had been snarling all the way, but just before she plunged him beneath the waves, he had shrieked. Then he hadn't made any sound at all. Even as they joked and talked, failing to catch the not-prey, he saw darkness in her amber gaze. Beetlewhisker, too, had followed Minnowtail's example and drowned Rushtooth.
He remembered how Minnowtail had slunk out of the lapping waters, her beautiful pelt soaked and stained dark, with dripping scratches littered across it. He remembered the shadows in her eyes that hadn't been there before.
The nights wore on and after another round of ceremonies, no cat seemed to remember Harespring's fight with Maggottail. Harespring wouldn't forget, he knew. At night, Brokenstar spoke of changing the Clans through batte, and during the day, Onestar and Sol spoke of revenge on ThunderClan. Revenge, always revenge, Harespring thought. It seemed to him like there were enough wrongs and hurts in the world for any cat to just pick a target and make up a reason later.
Kestrelflight earned his name, but when Harespring tried to visit him to congratulate him, the medicine cat took the opportunity to fuss over his wounds. Harespring sighed. It seemed like he never completely healed, and he didn't want this kind of attention from Kestrelflight. But the harder he fought in the Dark Forest, the more they threw at him. I just have to hope the battle comes soon.
The first battle, with ThunderClan, erupted a moon later. Harespring fought shoulder to shoulder with Breezepelt, tearing their way through ThunderClan's ranks. They were used to fighting without the sky above, and they passed Birchfall and Mousewhisker without touching them. Breezepelt threw himself at Ivypool, while Harespring picked out his own target. Dustpelt wasn't part of the fight, but Brambleclaw was and Harespring felt a cold thrill when he realized they were now evenly matched.
He swiped, Brambleclaw ducked, leapt, and they rolled. Then Brambleclaw swiped, Harespring ducked, kicked, and they repeated. Harespring cringed when he heard Onestar's yowl to retreat, and tore himself free of Brambleclaw. The tabby tom didn't crow with victory, though; just panted and watched Harespring slink away with his Clanmates. He wondered if he'd used a move that Brambleclaw had recognized; Shredtail had said Brambleclaw was an old trainee, hadn't he?
Birchfall apologized to them that night when he noticed Harespring's fresh wounds. Harespring brushed it off; what was another injury?
The second battle didn't come until much later.
Before it came, Antpelt was found bloody and still in his nest. Kestrelflight was horrified, Sunstrike heartbroken, and Harespring silently tried to forget the way that Thistleclaw's fangs has fastened themselves in Antpelt's belly.
Kestrelflight asked Harespring to move his nest to the medicine den. Harespring complied, a little confused, and woke up to see Kestrelflight watching him silently, paws tucked under his chest. Shredtail had demonstrated a move on him for the benefit of the apprentices, and had slipped and scratched Harespring's belly. It was shallow, but he felt a little wet warmth under him in his nest.
"Harespring," Kestrelflight breathed, getting to his paws. The den seemed oddly quiet without the sounds of the moor. Harespring wondered faintly how Kestrelflight could stand it.
"Why did you want me in here?" Harespring asked, hiding a grimace as he shifted.
"You're hurt," the tom whispered, his eyes rounding as he took in the blood that stained Harespring's chest.
"It's not deep," Harespring assured him, trying not to meet that insistent stare.
Kestrelflight let out a soft cry as Harespring revealed his white belly. Red belly would be more accurate. When the medicine cat didn't move, Harespring cocked his head.
"Should I clean it…?"
"How did you get hurt in your sleep?" Kestrelflight breathed, shaking his head. "I don't understand. First Antpelt, and now..."
Harespring shifted again, then regretted it. "I'm okay."
Kestrelflight looked miserable and confused. "You're not; you keep getting hurt and I just don't understand how! You look like you've been fighting stoats, but I watched all night—"
"What?" Harespring flinched. What did he see? "Why would you do that?"
"Because I care," Kestrelflight said, his voice breaking. "Because you keep getting hurt and it's my job to heal you. Because…" He swallowed hard. "What is happening to you? Please, Harespring, please… please tell me."
Harespring faltered. Can I tell him? He remembered Shredtail's words. He's the reason I'm there.
"Okay," Harespring mumbled.
A sigh of relief broke out of Kestrelflight and the tom nearly collapsed in front of him, settling down to listen.
"I'm…" Harespring hesitated. How much should I tell him? Should I mention Breezepelt and Sunstrike? Antpelt…? He knew the pain that Antpelt's untimely death had caused the medicine cat. Would he feel better if he knew what had happened? "There's a group of Clan cats that train in their dreams."
Kestrelflight's eyes widened. "With their claws unsheathed?"
The question almost provoked a snort in him, thinking of how much more vicious fights got than just 'with claws unsheathed.' "Yes. We're training to… to be strong enough to change things."
Kestrelflight frowned. "What things?"
Harespring swallowed. I guess this is why Shredtail spent so long with me. It sounds a bit hare-brained to just come out with it. "To change the code."
He drew in a sharp breath, flinching away from Harespring. "What?! Why?"
Harespring leaned forward, ignoring the searing pain when his belly stretched. "Because it's old and it's… imperfect." He searched Kestrelflight's gaze, urging him to understand. "You said you care, that it was your job to heal me. These injuries are an irritation; I'll heal, maybe some of them will scar, but I'll be okay. What hurts me more than anything that could happen to my pelt is that…"
He trailed off, looking for any sign that Kestrelflight would be amenable to the confession that seared his tongue.
"Don't you understand…?" Harespring whispered. "I need you, Kestrelflight."
"The Clan needs me," Kestrelflight said, voice wavering. "Harespring… don't… I can't…"
He can't. Harespring shook his head and pulled back, heart thrumming like a hunted rabbit. "I know, I know. Because of the code, but how would having a family change your dedication to WindClan? I don't want to stop you from helping cats. You're…" He was too close to the core of his feelings, and he took a pained breath, trying to rein himself in. "I just want things to be different," he finished lamely.
Kestrelflight closed his eyes. "But they're not."
"They can be," Harespring urged him. "The code hasn't always been the way it is, and it doesn't always have to be. We'll change things."
"You should go," Kestrelflight whispered, still not looking at him. "I… come back if you get hurt. I'm sorry, I can't…"
"I know you can't," Harespring breathed, then before he could think better of it, he pressed his muzzle to Kestrelflight's, stood, and limped out of the den. In the dawn light, his head reeled. What just happened? He had half a mind to dash back in and tell Kestrelflight exactly what he meant, just to clear things up. Did he… he said he can't. Not that he doesn't…
Was he doing the same thing as Sunstrike? Making up moments and twisting words to find a more favourable meaning in them, or did Kestrelflight really return his feelings? I'll give him the chance, he decided. Shredtail and all of the Dark Forest… we'll change things, and then he'll be able to choose. And I'll take his answer, but not before he even has the option. His heart beat loudly in his throat as he couldn't help turning over Kestrelflight's words, again and again, before throwing himself into the day to distract himself.
And yet, the same logic circulated his head, even as Sunstrike tried to strike up a conversation, even as pain throbbed through his belly, even as he missed prey and wandered too close to the border. He can't. But I have the power to make it so that he can, if he wants to. Does he want to? Does he want me? He said he cares. But he cares about all of WindClan. Because he's loving, and thoughtful, and dedicated, and—
"What are you thinking about?" It was Sunstrike.
Harespring snapped out of it, blinking. "What?"
"You were purring," she said, blinking warmly at him. "What are you thinking about?"
"Uh, Sedgewhisker's kits," he lied.
"They're so cute, right?!" Sunstrike exclaimed, her tail curling up. "I'd really like to have kits some day. Once, you know…" She waved her tail, side-eyeing Weaselfur, who was leading their patrol. "Things have settled down a bit."
Harespring nodded, already thinking of Kestrelflight again. "I'm sure you'd make a great mother."
The look Sunstrike shot him made him think better of his words. Oops. Well, I can't exactly say 'Just as long as it's not with me' now. He pulled his gaze away and looked straight ahead, flushing with embarrassment. Great job, Harespring. So much for letting her be happy; now you're just setting her up for heartbreak.
That night, Brokenstar called a meeting of the senior Dark Forest warriors; Breezepelt was invited to represent WindClan, which made Harespring's pelt bristle with irritation. He's younger than me! Shredtail seemed equally irritated by his ex-apprentice being passed over, but said nothing and disappeared into the thorny den with the others. Though Brokenstar had called for Beetlewhisker to join them as RiverClan's representative—a choice which made Minnowtail's gaze flash with the same annoyance that Harespring felt—the brown and white tom was nowhere to be found, and Applefur, Ivypool, Breezepelt, and the Dark Forest spirits appeared to begin their meeting without him.
Harespring paced in the clearing, brushing off Sunstrike's attempts to engage him in a play-fight, and strained to hear what they were discussing. The thick air seemed to soak up any sound, though, and he could only hear the faint murmur of their voices. Finally, another warrior appeared in the clearing, jumping to his paws the moment his pelt solidified.
"Sorry, sorry, I know I'm late!" Beetlewhisker gasped, then glanced around. "Where are they?"
"Brokenstar wants you to be part of the meeting," Harespring growled, stalking over to his Clanmate. "You're representing RiverClan, although I bet he'll replace you after this."
Beetlewhisker scowled at him, then hurried into the bush.
Minnowtail twitched her whiskers at Harespring, stretching lazily. "Serves him right. I make sure I'm never on Gathering patrol if I know there's something important going on here."
"Brokenstar should've chosen us to represent our Clans," Harespring muttered, scoring the earth as he thought of Breezepelt's smug face. "Breezepelt's going to make all the same mistakes as every cat here who failed."
Minnowtail's amber gaze sharpened as she examined him. "And you won't?"
Harespring shook his head. "I'm not a mouse-brain. I know that violence isn't always the answer, and I want to change things for the better, not just get petty revenge on some cat that wronged me."
She cocked her head. "Is that true? What about Maggottail?"
So not every cat's forgotten, he thought, his hackles rising slightly. Careful, Minnowtail, I know we were friendly, but… "That wasn't revenge. I was protecting Larkwing. He tried to kill her, Minnowtail, when she was just an apprentice."
No hint of surprise lit her gaze. She just nodded. "I see. And you think you're different from Breezepelt because…?"
"He wants revenge," Harespring snapped. "I want to protect my Clanmates."
"Protect them from your other Clanmates." The sarcasm that coated Minnowtail's voice as she flicked her tail toward the thorn bush full of Dark Forest spirits made him think she shared his skepticism of the actual camaraderie between the living cats and the Dark Forest cats.
"Why are you here?" he demanded. Why's she so nosy?
She shrugged. "To get stronger."
"Yeah, right." He narrowed his eyes, trying to remember what she'd told him. She was gregarious and extroverted, but managed to reveal remarkably little about herself with all that conversation.
"I think the meeting's over," Minnowtail said, looking away from Harespring quickly. Her eyes widened suddenly and she leaned forward, scenting the air. "I smell blood!"
It wasn't unusual; there was always some cat with an injury, but this was different. More pervasive, stronger, and… That's the scent of death. "Great StarClan…" he breathed without thinking. I hope it wasn't Breezepelt.
Hawkfrost, a cat whose pale eyes reminded Harespring of Maggottail, emerged with a cat's limp body between his teeth. That's Beetlewhisker! Horror filled Harespring. Did they kill him for being late? The earth seemed to sway beneath his paws. I just spoke to him… he was just…
"No…" Minnowtail whispered, eyes rounding as Hawkfrost padded underneath the cliff and dropped Beetlewhisker's corpse. Brokenstar and the other spirits of the Dark Forest returned from the bush as well, with Applefur, Ivypool, and Breezepelt trailing them. Applefur looked terrified, Ivypool looked resigned, and Breezepelt's eyes flashed with malicious glee.
Brokenstar leapt atop the cliff, and yowled to get their attention. It wasn't necessary; at the sight of a corpse, the eyes of every cat in the clearing turned to him, waiting for explanation. "Clanmates!" he began, voice rattling like wind through a dead tree's branches. Harespring couldn't help noticing how his already-dark fur was stained darker around his muzzle. "A traitor was found among us. Beetlewhisker of RiverClan was no true Clanmate of ours; he was a mouse-heart, and proved his vow to fight our enemies a lie."
A mouse-heart. The words struck something buried within Harespring. He shivered, unable to look away from Beetlewhisker's limp body.
"We have nothing to fear from him now," Hawkfrost mewed contemptuously. Shredtail stood at his shoulder, and Harespring stared at his mentor. How could he let this happen?
"This is your reminder to keep your eyes and ears open," Brokenstar growled. "The poison of cowardice runs deep, and no cat can be considered truly loyal until they have proved themselves in blood."
But Beetlewhisker did, Harespring thought, finding himself unable to swallow. He killed Rushtooth, and it wasn't enough. Brokenstar isn't telling us that we have to pass our 'assessments,' he's telling us that there's no way to be truly loyal other than to never make a mistake. Death was traded in freely in the Dark Forest, but it was easy to forget when the target was usually half-faded, faceless spirits, or when Shredtail was promising him that Antpelt's death was a terrible accident. Looking at Beetlewhisker's unseeing gaze now, the severity slammed back into Harespring. That wasn't a training exercise gone wrong. That was an execution. We're all on thin ice.
Shredtail met him after the meeting with cold eyes. Harespring met his mentor's gaze wordlessly as the tom slipped past him, then doubled back to put his muzzle to Harespring's ear.
"Remember what Brokenstar said," Shredtail murmured.
Harespring stared straight ahead, something burning in him at the implicit threat. Aren't we beyond that? "I'm not a mouse-heart anymore."
Shredtail didn't move. "I know. Just remember who made you that way."
In the Heart (of Battle)
WindClan was preparing for war.
Kestrelflight seemed more and more on edge, refusing to meet Harespring's gaze and making up excuses when the warrior tried to speak with him. The only thing that kept Harespring afloat was knowing that once the Dark Forest won, they would have all the time in the world to talk. Kestrelflight would understand, surely? Harespring would wait for him.
Furzepelt and Whiskerpaw were assigned to be messengers to the other Clans. Heathertail, Leaftail and Gorsetail were sent to RiverClan, while Boulderfur, Whitetail, and Owlwhisker left camp to join ThunderClan in their fight.
Harespring's paws thrummed with anticipation. The Dark Forest warriors would arrive soon. Harespring had decided he would only fight to save his Clanmates; minimizing casualties was the best way to make sure Kestrelflight understood after the battle. The Dark Forest just has to win; as long as no WindClan cats die in the conflict, everything will be alright.
Whitewing, Berrynose and Hazeltail arrived as the sun began to set. Harespring watched the gray and white she-cat as she surveyed the WindClan camp with curious green eyes. Memories of fighting her swept over him, then a second wave of memories of fighting her brother in the Dark Forest. Does she know Mousewhisker is a trainee? How much did Jayfeather and Firestar tell their Clan?
He almost pitied her. If only he could explain to every Clan cat in turn why it would be better if the Dark Forest had the chance to change the code... but there wasn't time, and too many would argue. The blunt instrument of battle seemed to be the obvious next choice.
As every cat paced the camp, fur standing on end and claws flexing, Harespring felt oddly calm. This had been so long coming that now that it was finally upon them, it evoked very little in him. It felt more like a season changing than a bloody conflict. A fight will happen. Cats will get hurt. The Dark Forest will win. The code will change. Kestrelflight will choose.
He closed his eyes. StarClan forgive me. I don't think you've always done the best thing for the Clans. Is it any wonder I wanted another way?
He opened his eyes when he heard the first yowl.
It was Molepaw, a ThunderClan apprentice, skidding into camp with wild eyes. "They're attacking! They're coming!"
And then Harespring heard the pawsteps. They drummed on the moor like torrential rain, a storm approaching until the gorse barrier was nearly flattened as dozens of dark pelts spilled into the WindClan camp. Here we go, he thought, and looked for a target.
Shredtail had told him to slip away at the first chance he got to attack ThunderClan, knowing they had some kind of secret weapon that the Dark Forest would need all its strength to beat, but he questioned that judgement. The whole point of this is not to accept things blindly if we think we know a better way, he decided. Shredtail isn't my mentor anymore; I don't have to listen to him. His pelt prickled as he thought of the last brown and white tom that had gone against the Dark Forest. But I have my Clanmates around me. Even Breezepelt would shred him if he tried to kill me for disobeying, wouldn't he?
Then he saw him.
The small dark tabby was wrestling with Tornear, snarling and tearing his claws through the warrior with more viciousness than Tornear could muster behind his strikes. His old mentor's virility of youth had long since waned. For a heartbeat, Harespring stiffened. No, he's not… Then Shredtail grabbed his mentor by the throat. This is why he didn't want me in camp. Harespring took off running and leapt at the smaller tom.
Too late.
Shredtail struck out, one skinny, scarred paw hooking under Tornear's gray belly and sliding right up to his chest. Blood, so dark it was almost black, followed his claws. Tornear opened his jaws to gasp, but nothing came out except more blood, then he tumbled to the moor, limp.
There was a heartbeat of silence as Shredtail breathed heavily, standing over Tornear's body, and Harespring hung in the air, paws outstretched, unable to believe how quickly it had been over for Tornear.
"No, no, no!" Harespring growled, tackling Shredtail, anger pulsing through him. "Why did you kill him!? We're supposed to build a better Clan, not slaughter every cat!"
Shredtail rolled with him, his yellow eyes wide. "What—I told you to go to ThunderClan!"
"Well, it turns out telling a tom to question what he's told leads him to question what you tell him!" Harespring snarled, swiping at Shredtail. His duck wasn't quick enough, and Harespring sent him skidding away with the force of the blow. A thousand dream-spars echoed in his mind, but this—this was different. This was about more than getting strong.
Shredtail shook his head to clear it as Harespring jumped on him again. Thorn-sharp claws hooked into his pelt, and Harespring thrust away the old throb of panic that closed in on him at the pain. "It's not about just changing the code," Shredtail hissed, battering Harespring's belly.
"I know," Harespring whispered, ripping himself free of his ex-mentor and staring at him. Finally, as if fog had cleared in sunlight, he saw the scarred tabby for what he was. A cruel, hateful tom that covered his bloodlust in clever lies about improving life. He just wants to kill more cats, Harespring realized, recognizing the inferno in Shredtail's eyes. The same one that flared when he spoke of Mottlepaw. He uses her death as a shallow excuse for getting his kicks from hurting others. Like Tornear. Misery swamped him as he glanced at his old mentor's body. But there's no time to mourn. I have to stop Shredtail before he hurts anyone else. He said he was from a time before the code about not killing others in battle—well, we'll see how he likes it when I don't spare him.
And Harespring threw himself at Shredtail again, striking out with intent to kill. Instead of defending himself, Shredtail skittered backward like an insect. Harespring bit of a growl. No! I need to hurt him; I need to avenge Tornear!
"Don't do this, Harespring. You're nothing without us," Shredtail hissed, dodging away as Harespring swiped at him again. "I made you strong, and I can take it all away from you again."
Harespring felt his legs tremble with the sheer force of his hatred. He lied to me. He lied to all of us. He just wants more targets. "No. You said yourself that I could surpass you one day, and I have. I'll kill you for what you did to Tornear."
Shredtail rumbled a laugh and Harespring dug his claws into the earth, preparing to leap onto him and tear his pelt off. "No, you won't." Then he raised his voice. "Sparrowfeather! Darkstripe! Kill the medicine cat, in the badger's warren there!"
Harespring's blood turned to ice as Shredtail drew his lips back in a venomous smile. "Good luck." Then he turned and fled.
It took Harespring less than a heartbeat to make his decision. Darkstripe's silver and black pelt and Sparrowfeather's dark form were already streaking across camp toward it, and Shredtail was halfway to the camp's entrance. He thinks I'm different, and he's right, he thought. Hunt Shredtail down and kill him, or protect Kestrelflight…? He knows what decision I'll make. But it's not because I'm a mouse-heart.
Then he turned tail and sprinted toward the medicine den, easily outpacing the two Dark Forest warriors. He turned, squared his shoulders, and met Darkstripe with a blow hard enough to send the smaller tom sprawling. Sparrowfeather leapt on him, hissing, and Harespring kicked her off.
"Harespring?" Kestrelflight's trembling voice came from behind him.
"Not a great time to talk," Harespring gasped, lashing out at Darkstripe with a blow that would have blinded him if Darkstripe hadn't lurched away. The Dark Forest warrior took one look at the way Harespring raked his claws down Sparrowfeather's flank and dashed away to find a new target. Mouse-heart, Harespring thought, and then dug his claws into Sparrowfeather's leg.
She yowled, then reared up and slammed her paws onto his head. Blinking away the dizziness, he thrust himself forward and headbutted her in the soft of her belly. She tumbled back, then leapt to her paws, hissing, and fixed her gaze on something behind Harespring.
He raised a paw, prepared to strike her down if she tried to attack him again, but instead, quick as a fish, she slipped right past him into the den. Kestrelflight yelped, and Harespring spun to see him recoiling, trying to bat away Sparrowfeather's bludgeoning strikes with clumsy paws that were far more suited to sorting herbs. Protective fury filled Harespring, brighter and hotter than any cold anger ignited by Shredtail's murder of Tornear, and Harespring shot at Sparrowfeather.
"Get away from him!" he snarled, and bowled her over, pinning her to the floor of the den. Kestrelflight yelped, backpedalling away from them. She hissed and reached to try to swipe at his face. He slammed her paw to the ground with enough force that her leg cracked and she squealed.
"You should be following Shredtail's orders," she hissed, her back legs raking his stomach as she struggled beneath him.
"And you should get out of this den before I send you to whatever afterlife comes after the Dark Forest," he spat, yanking her to her paws with one hooked claw. She stumbled, and he forced her toward the entrance. "Go! Now! And don't touch another hair on the pelts of my Clanmates."
With a last baleful look, Sparrowfeather left the den. Harespring watched her go, breathing hard, then turned to Kestrelflight, horror filling him when he saw a welling scratch on the other tom's brow. He suddenly wished he'd taken an extra heartbeat to claw Sparrowfeather.
"You're hurt," Harespring whispered, his voice feeling very weak all of a sudden.
"So are you," Kestrelflight said, then shook his head. "Oh, Harespring, what have you done?"
"Protected you," he said, misery threatening to overwhelm him at the way Kestrelflight was keeping a fox-length between them. "It's all… all for you, Kestrelflight, I just want…"
Kestrelflight closed his eyes and shook his head again like Harespring was a nightmare he was trying to wake up from. "No, Harespring, I…"
"I just want to be with you," he breathed. "I'm sorry, I can't keep it in anymore. I wanted to… I wanted to give you a choice."
"I don't have one," Kestrelflight whispered, his eyes still tightly closed.
If he would just look at me… Harespring's voice trembled as he said, "You do have a choice. I love you. I would choose you over anything, and if you don't feel the same way, just… just tell me. I can't stay in the dark any longer."
Kestrelflight finally looked at him, gaze tearful and agonized. "Harespring, I can't choose. I need to put WindClan first, and you… you're on the side of the Dark Forest! They expect you to fight for them!"
"But I won't!" Harespring said desperately, taking a step toward him. "I won't, Kestrelflight, I just want things to change. I don't want any cat to die."
"It doesn't matter! That's not what the Dark Forest wants!" Kestrelflight shook his head. "You shouldn't even be in here; if you really don't want them to hurt any cat, you need to get out there and fight them off right now! Cats are going to die, Harespring, because of the lies the Dark Forest told you."
They didn't lie to me. Not completely. He knew some of their intentions. He saw the cruelty in Brokenstar, Tigerstar, even Breezepelt; they didn't want to have a reasoned discussion about the efficacy of the code. They wanted blood. And cats have died because I didn't stop them. "Tornear's already dead," he rasped, lowering his head as Kestrelflight's gaze filled with disbelief. "They… they said that this was the only way."
"Why would you believe them?" Kestrelflight snapped, seeming to find anger that Harespring had never known him to have. "Stop! You have to—" Harespring stepped forward again, intent on pressing his pelt to Kestrelflight's. The black and white tom dodged away. "Get away from me! Go fight! Prove you didn't want this!"
Desperation edged his voice and Harespring recoiled. He doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm still on their side. A thousand explanations clogged his throat, burned his tongue, until all he managed was, "I love you. I'm sorry." And then he ran.
He threw himself into battle, thinking faintly that it would be an appropriate time to die. He'd heard enough elders' tales, alright. He had made his big confession, he had recognized the error of his ways, and now it would be time for him to die, thinking that it was too late and hoping that Kestrelflight would remember him fondly.
Shredtail had trained him too well, though, he thought as he hooked his claws into the back of a dark warrior that was shredding Hazeltail. He wrestled him easily, pinned him, and then bit the shadow's neck until he stopped writhing. Hazeltail watched with wide eyes, then said half-heartedly, "Thanks, Harekit."
Whatever humour he felt at her comment was immediately leached away when his gaze caught on the wrestling cats just beyond her. Sunstrike! A ragged, pale gray Dark Forest warrior slammed his paw into her head over and over again, and her attempts to defend herself grew feebler. Not again, he thought helplessly, already in movement to try to tear the tom off her. Not again!
He was too slow. Again. The tabby unsheathed silver claws and scored them across Sunstrike's neck. Harespring collided with his flank a heartbeat too late, sending him crashing to the ground, his claws slipping from their intended course. Still, they caught Sunstrike's neck and, though it was clumsy, blood began to pump from her dark fur.
A furious yowl rang out of Harespring, at once mournful and furious as he drove the Dark Forest warrior into the earth, forcing his head onto the earth at an unnatural angle. With a snap, the gray tom began to fade, still writhing as he died. Harespring turned away immediately, desperate to return to Sunstrike's side before life left her body. She lay on the dirt, legs splayed in front of her.
"I'm sorry Sunstrike, I'm sorry," he whispered, crouching next to her. "I wasn't fast enough."
Her eyes flickered as they tried to focus on him. "H-Harespring?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated. She let out a shaking breath.
"It's okay." She tried for a smile, blood edging her lips, and said, "You would've saved me… if you could…" Her voice rasped, and she tried to cough, more blood flecking her muzzle. Her eyes seemed to lose and regain focus as she clung to life.
"I would've loved you if I could," he whispered, utterly miserable at his own inability to lie to her, to give her one last piece of joy before she went.
"I know," she breathed. "Be… just, please be... happy… okay…?" And then her head lolled back onto the earth and her green eyes stared up at StarClan, empty.
A trembling wail rose from Harespring, and he staggered away from her. There's no time to mourn. I can't be too late again. Who'll be next? Larkwing? Ashfoot? But Ashfoot was already dead, he realized, lying next to Darkstripe's fading body. Heathertail? She was in RiverClan. Panic seized him. There's no time! Just save as many as you can and leave it in StarClan's paws. They wouldn't be doing him any favours after what he'd done, and what he'd failed to do, but maybe their mercy would extend to his Clanmates. Please, just keep Kestrelflight safe, he begged them. He felt no meaningful rustle of wind, no whisper in his ear from some benevolent ancestor. I'm sorry.
And he returned to the battle, knowing that he wouldn't die that day. Neither StarClan nor the Dark Forest want me, he thought, swinging hard at the muzzle of a scarred tortoiseshell. I'm sorry, Sunstrike, I don't think I can be happy. Not anymore. He kept fighting, watching his Clanmates die or be ushered into Kestrelflight's den, brushing off every sting of pain and tug of exhaustion.
As Snowtuft, as small and vicious as a stoat, shot forward to clamp his jaws around Harespring's tendon, the tom realized vaguely that he felt nothing at all. Snowtuft's blue gaze flicked up, assessing how disoriented Harespring was by the pain, and Harespring took the opportunity to score his claws over Snowtuft's eyes. He watched numbly as the faded white tom reeled back, howling with pain, and then struck again, harder. As he started paying attention, he noticed how weakened cats became after he hurt them. Was this my problem…? He wondered, watching as a Dark Forest warrior nipped him, then dealt a staggering blow to the tabby's chest. It doesn't hurt any more.
He kept fighting until the last shadows fled from WindClan's camp, unafraid of pain or injury, until his gaze finally darkened, his strikes faltered, and he collapsed.
Show me how to lie / You're getting better all the time / Turning all against the one / Is an art that's hard to teach / Another clever word / Sets off an unsuspecting herd / And as you get back into line / A mob jumps to their feet
Thank you so much to the reviewer from last chapter, and a request to everyone who enjoyed that they leave a review!