Welcome to the second part of Catch and Release! A reminder to check out Turning Tail if you haven't, as its second part is also released today! The third and final parts to each will be released two days from now.
Enjoy!
Heathertail sunk her claws into the peaty moor absentmindedly. She was thinking about Minnowtail, which was not new, but in a less longing way and a more… nervous one than usual. They had met again last night, near the outer borders of their Clans, just past the horseplace. Minnowtail had been late, bearing an excuse about having taken a sun-down nap and then oversleeping. Despite that, she had seemed tired, like she hadn't slept properly in a moon. As they'd lain together, looking up at the stars, Heathertail had felt an uneven bit of her thick pelt against her side. Like there was an injury being poorly covered.
"Heathertail!" Kestrelflight spoke sharply, startling her out of her reverie.
"Sorry, Kestrelflight, what did you say?"
"I asked if you could hold this," he mewed, dropping a mouthful of yellow flowers with narrow petals in front of her. Then he cocked his head—a gesture that reminded Heathertail of Minnowtail—and gave her a worried look. "You've been quiet."
She swallowed. "Have I?"
When she didn't go on, Kestrelflight shook his head. "Can you take that coltsfoot back to camp and leave it in my den? I'll come along in a bit."
"Onestar said…" she began, but Kestrelflight lashed his tail once, cutting her off in a more severe gesture than Kestrelflight usually made. Something was on the medicine cat's mind as well, she could tell.
"Forget what he said." Kestrelflight turned back to the patch of flowers. "I can take care of myself."
Heathertail cast her gaze over the rolling hills, scenting the air to make sure no dog-scent was anywhere near them, then agreed. "Alright. Be careful."
He made a noncommittal noise. Heathertail took the flowers between her teeth, then broke into a run toward the camp. The sweet smell of the herb made her think of Minnowtail. Everything does, these days, she thought, wincing as she remembered how she'd stared at Leaftail for so long that he'd asked her if she was having a fit. His eyes were nearly the same colour as Minnowtail's, just a shade darker and cooler-toned.
The run back to camp failed to put the RiverClan she-cat out of her head; Leaftail flicking his tail in greeting really only served to implant her more firmly in Heathertail's mind. A border patrol, maybe, Heathertail decided.
"I'm glad younger warriors like you are taking initiative," Ashfoot said, then flicked her tail at the cats milling about the camp, enjoying the fading rays of leaf-fall sunlight. "Take Breezepelt and your apprentices along; you can go mark the RiverClan border."
Suffice it to say, treading the path she and Minnowtail had taken less than a full day before did very little to shift Heathertail's thoughts from the RiverClan she-cat. Breezepelt's acid comments about the Clan might have done it, but most of them were ostensibly for the benefit of Boulderpaw. Heathertail wondered what kind of warrior Boulderpaw would turn out to be with that kind of influence, and resolved to try to mellow the black tom for his apprentice's sake, if not his. He wasn't like this when we were apprentices… I know we haven't been close lately. Is it because of me? She sized up her Clanmate, observing the way his tail lashed distractedly and his yellow eyes glittered as he stared toward the RiverClan border. Maybe if I try to be more friendly.
"Good catch on that squirrel the other day," she commented.
Breezepelt's eyes flicked toward her with an almost suspicious slant. "It wasn't hard."
Stifling a snort, she looked away again, focusing on the trail they were taking to the border. Don't know why I bother. Untethered, her thoughts once again spiralled back to Minnowtail. What's going on in RiverClan, and why won't she admit that she's hurt? Are they having a dog problem too? I thought we were past putting on strong fronts to protect our Clans.
She had nearly convinced herself to stop thinking about Minnowtail when they reached the border. Then she scented the air and groaned silently when more echoes of the she-cat's scent wreathed around her. Stop being a mouse-brain, it's just RiverClan scent. Of course it smells a bit like her.
"Fresh!" Breezepelt unsheathed his claws and dug them into the earth. "There must be a patrol nearby."
"Fox-dung," Heathertail breathed. Well, at least I'm not a mouse-brain. My nose still works.
Minnowtail, leading a patrol of Icewing, Mossypaw, and Grasspelt, strolled out of the bushes. She froze for a heartbeat when her eyes met Heathertail's, then as smoothly as if they were strangers, continued up to the border.
"Not another pawstep," Breezepelt hissed and Heathertail cringed. Don't do this, Breezepelt. Not today.
"This is… our territory," Minnowtail said slowly, tilting her head and regarding Breezepelt as if she were speaking to a kit.
Breezepelt stared at the she-cat for a few heartbeats, then dipped his head. "Right. Carry on."
What?! It required an effort to keep her mouth closed as shock pulsed through her. What in the name of StarClan…? Breezepelt turned away, flicking his tail to beckon Boulderpaw and Furzepaw, then began marking their side as casually as she'd ever seen him. Minnowtail continued to her patrol along the border.
Heathertail watched her with wide eyes. How did she do that? Just before the RiverClan cats disappeared again into the bushes, Minnowtail glanced back and met her gaze. Heathertail couldn't manage more than a questioning look before the she-cat slipped back into her territory. We're meeting again in three nights, she told herself. I can ask how in StarClan's name she managed to make Breezepelt relax.
Despite the unease that she felt at the implications of the encounter, if Minnowtail could teach her that, Boulderpaw might really be fine, she thought. She glanced at Breezepelt, noting how his fur lay flat as he marked the border, then returned her gaze to where the RiverClan patrol had been. He and Minnowtail met at that Gathering, moons ago, and Breezepelt had been a mouse-length from tearing her pelt off. What changed?
As they ran back to camp, giving the apprentices a chance to stretch their legs, Breezepelt suddenly stopped, stumbling, and swore under his breath. "Fox-dung!"
Heathertail flicked her ear for Furzepaw and Boulderpaw to go on ahead to camp, and then doubled back. "What's wrong?"
He just let out a low hiss of pain, then shook out his pelt. "I'm fine."
She could scent blood. "No, you're not; you're hurt."
"It's an old wound, I just reopened it," he snapped. "I told you, I'm fine."
That, too, reminded Heathertail of Minnowtail.
Her Worth Being Mounted on the Wind
Three days later, Minnowtail was being evasive again.
"But why?" Heathertail asked. "He's my Clanmate. I know he's a bit prickly, but… He's harmless, really."
Minnowtail shook her head, a dark look in her eye. "Heathertail… just promise me you'll keep your distance," she repeated. "Breezepelt's bad news. He's not the same cat that you used to know."
Heathertail narrowed her eyes. How should she know? They were sitting by a stream at the border; Minnowtail had offered to teach her to fish in a more light-hearted moment, but their conversation had quickly shifted when Heathertail brought up the encounter at the border from a few days ago and Minnowtail suddenly became insistent that Heathertail stay away from Breezepelt
"I don't understand," Heathertail finally said. It was an admission she hardly dared think around her Clanmates, but Minnowtail never scorned her for not knowing something. "What do you know that I don't?"
Minnowtail faltered, then looked down into the stream. "Breezepelt is…" She paused for a long time, then said, "I'm sorry, I can't explain it. But please, if you trust me, believe me when I say that there's a side of him you haven't seen."
"And I suppose you've seen this mysterious alternate personality?" Heathertail pursued, unwilling to let it go with such little explanation.
Something occurred to her and she pulled herself upright, wide-eyed. She's not… They'd never had a proper talk, but Heathertail had just assumed that Minnowtail wasn't chasing any cat anymore. Except me. If that's still going on. It was nice to think Minnowtail simply enjoyed her company and was no longer trying to win some mouse-brained bet.
"It's not what you think," Minnowtail told her quickly. "It's…" She struck the dirt with one paw, leaving little furrows where her claws had passed through. "I'm sorry. You just have to believe me."
Or what? Heathertail shook her head. "You can tell me anything, Minnowtail, you know that, right? I'm not going to go running off to Onestar."
"I know." Minnowtail lowered her head, peering into the stream aimlessly. The shadows in her eyes made the fur on Heathertail's spine prickle.
She waited. Minnowtail said nothing.
"Alright, teach me to fish."
With some difficulty, they moved back to a casual, light place where Heathertail didn't ask about Minnowtail's fresh scratch on her flank and Minnowtail didn't offer any more cryptic warnings. Heathertail stayed by the stream for a long time after Minnowtail left, breathing in the mingled WindClan and RiverClan scents, and feeling the wind ruffle her ears and fur.
Just before leaving, Minnowtail had told her that it would be longer before they could meet again. Again with little explanation, which solidified Heathertail's feeling that the RiverClan she-cat was hiding something.
The Gathering came less than a quarter-moon away, but Minnowtail wasn't among RiverClan's ranks, which meant the next time they saw each other was nearly a moon later. Heathertail avoided Leaftail.
Heathertail knew something was wrong the moment Minnowtail slunk out of the bushes. She was badly injured, from the scent of blood, and limped over Heathertail who had been waiting by the edge of the horseplace.
"Minnowtail," she breathed.
Finally, she fixed her dark gaze on Heathertail, and stopped, her tail lying limply in the dirt. "You should have seen the other tom." The joke came out flat and low, and Heathertail rushed forward, pressing her cheek to Minnowtail's.
"What happened?" she whispered into her pelt.
Minnowtail let out a soft whimper as she lay down, and Heathertail looked her over, fear and concern swelling to fill her whole body. These are bites and scratches from another cat, she realized. She's been in a serious fight.
As she waited for Minnowtail to explain, the silence dragged on, only punctured by Minnowtail's ragged breaths. Heathertail put aside her need to understand and crouched beside the other she-cat. Then she began to wash her pelt, in long, gentle strokes. Coppery flakes of dried blood melted on Heathertail's tongue, but she didn't falter, even as she parted Minnowtail's thick white chest-fur and found deep gouges. She just drew in a breath and cleaned the blood away from them. Eventually, as Heathertail progressed to Minnowtail's back, then flank, Minnowtail began to speak.
"I killed him." The admission was quiet, ragged, and Heathertail was careful not to flinch. Minnowtail let out a shaky breath, then continued, "He thought he was winning, but I… I was trying to move him to the water's edge."
Heathertail smoothed another patch of fur, though it didn't quite lay flat over the teeth marks on Minnowtail's back leg.
"And I pushed him under." Minnowtail closed her eyes and Heathertail could feel her trembling under her thick fur. "I… I keep hearing it." Her voice shook. "I keep hearing the sound he made when… when he knew what was happening. He was scared, Heathertail. I knew that he would kill me if he could, but he was so scared to die." She broke off in a stuttering cry and Heathertail stopped grooming her, then lay down next to her and pressed her steady body against Minnowtail's shaking one until she regained the strength to go on. "But I kept him underwater until he stopped moving."
They sat in silence for a long time after that. Minnowtail didn't make a sound and lay stiffly next to Heathertail. Heathertail could only imagine what memories plagued the other she-cat's mind.
"Rogues," Minnowtail eventually said. "There was a rogue attack."
It was a lie. Heathertail said nothing.
She had a growing feeling of certainty that this had something to do with Breezepelt, but it wasn't the time to ask about that. Instead, she put it all aside and quietly resumed grooming Minnowtail's tangled fur. She put Minnowtail back together, piece by piece, and stopped when she had no fur left to clean and the other she-cat's breathing had slowed.
Heathertail pulled away, the cool air stealing the warmth Minnowtail's body had imparted onto her, and watched her sleep for a long while, finding that her own sleep didn't come so easily. Not when Minnowtail was still in such a state.
When Minnowtail began mumbling, words blurred and quivering with fear, Heathertail lay down once more and waited until Minnowtail quieted. Just as the nightmare seemed to be leaving her, Minnowtail, still fast asleep, murmured, "Don't hurt her."
Heathertail let out a shaky breath.
Then, as Minnowtail finally stilled, falling into a deeper sleep with a soft noise, and it swelled in her again, Heathertail finally gave it her voice.
"I love you."
Minnowtail was still silent and motionless, and so, confidence building, Heathertail spoke a second time, voice a little stronger, a little surer. "I love you."
The words felt too simple for Heathertail to fit the entire feeling into, but she didn't know what more to do than stay with Minnowtail and tell her the truth, even if she couldn't hear her. "I love you."
Minnowtail woke at dawn and Heathertail helped her back to the RiverClan camp. Minnowtail was too groggy to protest, and despite the apprehension that tingled in Heathertail's paws when they crossed the border, the thought of leaving Minnowtail to stagger back to camp alone was out of the question.
Minnowtail stopped her when they reached the outer reeds of the camp. "You shouldn't come in," she rasped. "They'll know something's going on."
Even as everything in her ached to protest, she nodded. Something's going on? What's between us, Minnowtail? I know what I feel. "I won't. Just… make sure Willowshine and Mothwing treat you… please?"
"Of course," Minnowtail said, an old spark flaring back to life in her eyes. She flicked Heathertail with her plumy tail. "Can't let these scar and ruin my perfect pelt."
This time, Heathertail didn't try to shove the thought back down as it soared within her in a chorus of, I love you, I love you, I love you! Voicing it with Minnowtail looking directly at her, clear-eyed and conscious, was out of the question, though. Heathertail nodded again instead, trying to play along. "Right. That would be a tragedy."
Minnowtail winked, then vanished into the reeds. Heathertail stayed there for a long moment, reflecting on the sudden return of Minnowtail's persona. It was a little eerie, how quickly she could switch it on after her complete vulnerability last night. What changed…? Is she wearing it because she got hurt?
Despite the concern that told Heathertail to burst into RiverClan camp and stay with Minnowtail until she was really sure that she'd be okay, Heathertail began to pick her way across RiverClan territory. Her own heather-scent had faded a little after spending a night next to Minnowtail, nearly on top of the RiverClan scent-markings, and she hoped it would be enough for the next patrol to dismiss it. StarClan knew the last thing she and Minnowtail needed was a scuffle between their Clans over a few stray scents.
The next time they saw each other, Minnowtail's persona was still firmly in place. Despite Heathertail's discomfort, she continued to play along as best she could. It felt strange in a regressive sort of way, like sleeping in the apprentice's patch after moons of being a full warrior, but the deep wounds hadn't faded from Minnowtail's pelt and Heathertail tried to be understanding. She needs to do this right now, she told herself. Uncertainty still lapped at her paws like an incoming tide.
She said that she acts this way because she believes cats would hate her if they knew the true her. Doesn't she know that I would never hate her, that I love her? But she couldn't speak it aloud.
It was only after Minnowtail had disappeared back into the night that Heathertail realized they hadn't arranged another time to meet. She dismissed it as their shared forgetfulness and resolved to find a moment at the next Gathering to pull Minnowtail aside and ask.
Minnowtail wasn't at the next Gathering.
Heathertail grew restless in the WindClan camp, often asking Ashfoot to be sent on patrols to the RiverClan border, but whether it was bad luck or if Heathertail's paranoia was correct and Minnowtail was avoiding her, she never saw the dark gray and white she-cat.
The next Gathering, Mistystar announced the mysterious death of Beetlewhisker. She drew in a breath, stunned by the details. In his nest?! How in StarClan's name is that possible? If a fox or badger had gotten in, why would it have killed a single cat and retreated? Was it one of his Clanmates…?
"How do you think it happened?" she whispered to Breezepelt.
His face was impassive. "StarClan knows."
Just as she was turning back to the leaders, she caught sight of Harespring's expression. The broad-shouldered brown-and-white tom looked utterly horrified. A memory that she and all of WindClan had tried to bury swept over her, brought on by the scent of fear rolling off her Clan. Antpelt. That's how Antpelt died. Clawed to shreds in his nest, body cold before any cat had even woken. She shuddered, remembering awaking to fearful cries and the stench of death. Despite the thorn-sharp memory of her Clanmate's death… she was quickly overtaken with fear for those who still lived.
Mysterious injuries. No cause, as if they'd appeared there over night. The heartbeat the leaders were finished, Heathertail found Minnowtail in the crowd.
The other she-cat was forcedly nonchalant in her greeting, hardly meeting Heathertail's gaze, her eyes dull. Something was wrong, deeply wrong, Heathertail could feel it as present and ominous as stormclouds rolling in.
"Heathertail…" she began, voice flat, but Heathertail couldn't let her finish.
"Do you know what happened to Beetlewhisker?" she demanded under her breath, praying to StarClan that her voice wouldn't give away just how scared she was of Minnowtail's future. Still, the she-cat wouldn't look at her. "What happened to Antpelt? Is it the reason you keep getting hurt, and why you lied to me about the tom you killed?"
Minnowtail let out a slow breath. "I didn't."
"Is there a chance you'll get killed like them?" Heathertail pressed, voice breaking across the words like brittle ice. "Please, Minnowtail."
Finally, the dark gray and white she-cat levelled an irritated look at Heathertail. Heathertail recoiled instinctively. "It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does," she insisted, feeling her throat begin to close up with oncoming tears. You matter. You matter to me. Do I matter to you? "Why won't you open up to me…?"
Minnowtail sighed. "Because I'm bored. You said you would never fall for me, now you have, so I'm done. Bye."
And then with a swish of her tail, Minnowtail retreated deeper into RiverClan's ranks, vanishing into a dozen other gray and silver and white pelts.
Heathertail stood very, very still, and thought three things.
She's lying.
She warned me.
I love her.
A terrible shift in memory came over her, as if the ground had tilted beneath her paws. Heathertail found herself questioning every word, every look exchanged, as though a fog had cleared and shown her the truth. No, she's not lying. Even if that was her true self, I'm never going to see it again. She let me in until I fell in love with her, and now she's moving on just like she said she would. Because she's Minnowtail, and I'm… She felt sick, like the Gathering island was lurching beneath her paws. All the Clan cats milling around her, blissfully unaware, as she held on for dear life. What do I do now?
The future suddenly stretched out, feeling cavernous and solitary. Grow old alone? Mother Breezepelt until he shapes up and then pop out a few litters of kits, as miserable as Crowfeather was with Nightcloud?
A sort of complete loneliness settled over her as she watched RiverClan leave the island. It can't be over. It can't. Why was Minnowtail doing this to her? Misery clogged Heathertail's throat. Because she's bored. Because I broke my promise. Because she heard me that night, and she doesn't want me.
A feeling she had kept away for many moons began to creep in.
Because you weren't good enough for Onestar, you weren't good enough for Crowfeather, and you're not good enough for Minnowtail.
She had known it, hadn't she? In some deep-buried part of her mind. Of course she wasn't. Skinny, annoying, loud Heathertail. She had tried to force Minnowtail to tell her things Minnowtail wanted to keep to herself. She had demanded to be let in when Minnowtail was trying to keep her out. She had pushed a boundary too far, this time.
Heathertail stood in the cool air, praying to StarClan that time would speed its course and take this night away from her. I'm so, so stupid. Why did I ever think we had a chance? She squeezed her eyes shut and waited until her father's call signalled WindClan's departure.
Her Worth Being Mounted on the Wind
Days passed, and Heathertail lagged behind. No matter what distraction she threw herself into, the last words Minnowtail had said to her echoed dully in her head, over and over again like they were trying to batter down the defenses Heathertail had raised around her heart. Bye. I'm bored. You said you would never fall for me. I'm done.
Even Breezepelt began to notice something was wrong. He would shoot her vaguely uncomfortable looks on patrols, even though he never really asked. She was grateful. Whitetail and even Onestar would press her on why she had become so reserved and unresponsive, and she had no answer for them. When torturing herself became useless, she turned her anger on Minnowtail. The Minnowtail in her head, that was. She stayed away from the RiverClan border.
She let me in. She knew I'd fall for her, she thought, clawing up moss from a stump on the edge of WindClan's territory. Menial labour was preferable to more sideways glances from her Clanmates. What kind of cat would do that? She broke my heart on purpose! She knew I loved her. She said as much herself. But she never cared about me.
Perhaps she wasn't done with the self-torture just yet.
No, it's true. She never loved me. I challenged her to a game, and she won, and now I'm left like this. She tore at the moss. Why do I still care about her?
Finally, she spared the moss and returned to camp, still wrapped up in thought.
WindClan's got bigger problems. So stop worrying if she's still getting hurt or if she's happy or if she's—Just stop!
Still, though, as she continued to find ways to make herself busy, her memory of Minnowtail's gaze refused to leave. Rumours of a place beyond StarClan, and of the darkness that lingered there, spread through the Clan like wildfire, and before long, Heathertail's dreams were filled with fanged shadows and honeyed eyes.
Heathertail did her best to avoid Gatherings. Rumours of spies from other Clans abounded; somehow, it had become common knowledge that ThunderClan cats had been practicing tree-fighting and Onestar was paranoid that WindClan tactics were equally being revealed to other Clans. Additionally, scents of rogues had spread over the territory and Onestar had ramped up border patrols to compensate. They hadn't seen a hair on the pelt of the cats leaving the scents, but as the moons wore on, the scents got closer and closer to the heart of WindClan territory.
Breezepelt's scent was mingled with them.
Heathertail kept her head down.
She warned me, she thought. She was right to tell me that she would leave. Maybe she's right about Breezepelt too. There was a brutality to him these days that she didn't recognize. Boulderpaw's ceremony was delayed after he returned from a sparring practice with a broken leg. Crowfeather's gaze darkened. Heathertail steered clear of that entire family. But when she couldn't face her parents' questions either, and was cutting herself off from the tom she grew up with and her old mentor… she was left awfully lonely in WindClan.
Ashfoot directed her on patrols. Furzepelt was made a warrior. Kestrelflight retreated deeper into his den, the inexorable bond between the medicine cats and StarClan somehow ruptured. Heathertail floated like a ghost that couldn't reach StarClan, neither really alive nor dead.
She ached for Minnowtail.
Give up on her. You'll just make yourself miserable, she thought, staring up at the round yellow moon and wishing she was curled up with Minnowtail. Stop thinking about her. She doesn't love you, she thought, tearing her eyes off Leaftail. The tom had been a little wary of her these days, the way Heathertail stared at him, trying to let her gaze blur until he looked more gray, until his eyes were brighter. I need to be happy in WindClan.
Leaftail was hardly open to romance with the brewing storm on the horizon, and Heathertail's thoughts eventually turned darker. Maybe I'll be a casualty. Whatever those shadows are, rogues, beasts, something worse… Not every cat's going to walk off the battlefield. She withdrew entirely.
The battle came for the Clans.
Her father spoke of the enemies of the Clans, long-defeated, returning to exact vengeance. Of the Clanmates that they were trying to turn against them. The truth finally slotted into place in Heathertail's mind, and it didn't matter.
Her father spoke of sending patrols to the other Clans to help.
Heathertail kept her head down.
It did not matter.
She was sent to RiverClan, shoulder to shoulder with Leaftail and Gorsetail. Her thoughts felt muddy and unfocused as they wound their way deep into RiverClan territory. Trying in vain to remember her training, Heathertail kept her eyes flickering over the reeds, water, bushes, not letting them hone in on anything lest it bring unwelcome memories, which was working excellently until they pushed through the reeds that walled the camp.
No. Heartache surged in Heathertail, so acute and cavernous that her pelt quivered, and she fixed her gaze to the ground. Don't look at her, don't look at her, don't remember, don't think about her, don't love her.
"Welcome," Mistystar said.
She's leader now. And Reedwhisker's deputy... The angle of Mistystar's muzzle, the lustre of Reedwhisker's pelt… even as Heathertail kept her gaze as far from the dark-pelted she-cat that sat at the edge of the crowd as she could, it was useless. She was in RiverClan, and she was reflected everywhere.
"We are grateful to Onestar for your help," Mistystar added, dipping her head to the three warriors. The rasp of her voice was—Stop it, stop it, stop it. "Our Clan is divided into three main patrols, who will protect the left, right, and centre of the camp." As she spoke, she flicked her tail to herself, then to her deputy and son, then to Blackclaw who had the same glossy black pelt as Reedwhisker, the same glossy dark pelt as— "Leaftail, you can join my patrol, Gorsetail, go with Reedwhisker, and Heathertail, you'll join Blackclaw."
Heathertail dipped her head and slowly drifted to the senior warrior's patrol. She felt very skinny and unimpressive compared to the thick pelts and broad shoulders of the warriors around her. She felt a lot of other things when a she-cat flashed at the edge of her vision. Don't look at her.
"They're coming," Willowshine, the slender medicine cat announced from the edge of the camp. Her eyes were dark.
Mistystar gave her a sharp nod, then cast her leaf-bare-blue eyes over the crowd. "Prepare! Take your positions!"
Heathertail followed at Blackclaw's shoulder, keeping her gaze on the smoky horizon. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as the tension rose to a crackling crescendo. This is it. Is this my time, StarClan? It certainly felt like her life was finished. I've loved and lost, and now it's time for me to go.
So when Mistystar's yowl erupted through the air, Heathertail flung herself into the fray without a second thought. I'm too far away to protect my Clanmates, and I have no cat waiting for me after the battle. I have nothing to lose… And so she didn't hold back as she found a dark-furred she-cat and began to tear into her.
The half-solid she-cat let out a rumbling growl of pain as Heathertail scored her claws down her flank, then turned and slammed Heathertail to the ground with a flashing leap. Heathertail's head spun as the impact rocketed through her, and reached up to defend her throat and face as the she-cat took the opportunity to go for a killing blow. Heathertail knocked it off course, but it was a clumsy block and the she-cat tore Heathertail's ear open. Pain sang in her mind, and Heathertail swiped at the she-cat's face. It was too weak to do much more than clip her cheek, and the dark-furred she-cat gave a purr of dark amusement.
"You're Heathertail, aren't you?" she hissed, then raised a paw to slice Heathertail's other ear.
Heathertail gasped at the pain, wriggling uselessly. The she-cat's grip was like a cave-in, utterly crushing her. "How—how do you know—my name?"
"You're the reason she came to me," the she-cat hissed, a malicious glitter in her pale yellow gaze. "But I always knew she'd defect. So now I'll make good on my promise."
"What promise?" Heathertail choked as the she-cat dug her claws into Heathertail's belly. A kind of deep, primal fear locked Heathertail in place as she came to grips with just how close death was. If she rips me open, it's over. Willowshine, Kestrelflight, there's no putting me back together—
"My promise to make her precious little WindClan she-cat choke on her own blood," she whispered. She ran her tongue over stained fangs as she gazed as Heathertail's belly. "Any last words?"
Then pain tore through Heathertail as the she-cat's claws were ripped out. Heathertail screamed, rolling to try to curl into herself. Blood wetted her fur, and her vision pulsed with darkness. The she-cat's weight was gone.
Heathertail blinked, or perhaps her vision was just spotting with darkness, trying in vain to focus on what she was seeing.
"I'll kill you!" Minnowtail was howling, forepaws moving in a flurry of strikes. The dark incorporeal she-cat lay on her back, paws raised to defend herself. "I'll kill you!" Minnowtail raged again. The she-cat had skill, Heathertail could see in the way her body moved to try to escape, but Minnowtail's fury was a deluge. Blood sprayed Minnowtail's white chest as she continued to shred the she-cat, even after she was long-dead. Even as she faded. Minnowtail's furious cries turned to sobs.
Heathertail breathed, feeling the air scrape at her like claws raking her lungs, and watched as the body faded like melting snow. Will I fade… so easily…? Minnowtail scrambled away from the blood-soaked earth, then over to Heathertail.
"You," Heathertail managed. It was going to be part of a longer sentence, but more pain rippled through her and made her bite off her word with a gasp.
"Heathertail, I'm so sorry," Minnowtail whispered. A sea of panic surged under that concern, each word containing tightly-leashed distress. "I'm so sorry. I put you in danger, I hurt you, I—"
"Why?" she croaked, trying not to whimper as she curled up, closing the still-bleeding wounds at least a bit.
Minnowtail shook her head, miserable. "I… they were going to kill you. They knew that I—they knew that hurting you would hurt me. I was training in the Dark Forest, and they wanted to ensure our loyalty… I couldn't let you be caught in the conflict."
"Fine… job… of that…" Heathertail groaned, too tired to put any fire in her words. Great StarClan, she was so tired. She closed her eyes.
"No, no, no," Minnowtail said, desperation edging her voice. "Don't close your eyes, Heathertail, stay with me."
"Don't hurt me," Heathertail whispered, opening one eye a slit. "I know you… you don't love me… just leave… and don't hurt me again."
As Heathertail lost consciousness, she saw the torment in Minnowtail's eyes. She remembered feeling it. And then she didn't feel anything at all.
Her Worth Being Mounted on the Wind
She awoke to darkness.
Darkness and warmth.
She had always thought StarClan would be bright and cold, so she blinked her eyes open to find out where exactly it was that she was sleeping. Nothing showed itself but the moonlit earth in front of her. She could hear water. She could scent roses. Herbs. Minnowtail.
She could feel Minnowtail. A familiar body was pressed against hers. That was why she was warm. Heathertail tried to move, but the bone-bending ache that produced itself at the slight shift was enough to make her freeze. Memories of the moon leading up to the battle clogged her throat and she swallowed a sob. The battle must be over. Who's dead? Not Minnowtail. Not her. Wouldn't it be easier if I were gone? But she wasn't and now she would have to deal with what happened when every cat woke.
Just as she lowered her muzzle to her paws again and tried to ignore Minnowtail next to her, she heard the other she-cat mumble something. Talking in her sleep again… The thought had a fondness to it that made Heathertail's heart clench. Don't do this, Heathertail.
"M'sorry," Minnowtail murmured, curling tighter up to Heathertail's flank. "I love you. I hurt you. I'm sorry."
Heathertail froze. No, no, no. Minnowtail let out a long sigh, then fell still again.
She didn't get much sleep.
It was almost a relief when the gray light of dawn glinted off the stream that ran alongside what Heathertail discovered was the RiverClan medicine den. Why is Minnowtail in here? she wondered, looking nervously over the she-cat who had stayed by her side the entire night. Is she hurt? But her thick pelt was unbroken. Relief swamped Heathertail, who promptly tried to shove those feelings back down into the earth. Don't let her back in. I don't care what she said in her sleep. She hurt me. Remember what it felt like when she said she was bored at the Gathering. The memory pierced her heart, and she closed her eyes and tried to pretend to be asleep as Minnowtail began to shift beside her.
Despite being awake, Minnowtail didn't seem to be going anywhere in a hurry.
"Minnowtail…" It was the beautiful medicine cat, Mothwing's voice. Heathertail kept her eyes shut. "You have to go out at some point. I have to treat her."
"No, I have to stay with her," Minnowtail answered softly. Her voice was ragged and muffled, and Heathertail wondered if she'd been hit in the throat in yesterday's battle.
"Why?"
"I… she's Onestar's daughter. If he finds out she died, he'll start a war with RiverClan."
Mothwing didn't answer that. Heathertail's heart clenched again. Stop it. Of course she has some other motive. She was probably having a dream about Mousewhisker or something, about hurting him when they were training in the Dark Forest. For StarClan's sake, she's a traitor! She warned me away from Breezepelt, even though she was no different...
"I'm worried," Mothwing murmured. "She needs to wake up, or she'll starve. I've done my best to keep the wounds clean and give her water, but… there's only so much she can do with no energy."
Heathertail's stomach did feel empty. But if I get up… maybe I can just ignore Minnowtail. She pretended to blink her eyes open. The pressure of Minnowtail's body against hers eased immediately as the she-cat jumped to her paws.
"She's awake! Heathertail!" Minnowtail came into view. Heathertail blinked her blurry eyes, and regretted it. Minnowtail was as lovely as the first day she'd seen her, even with a rumpled pelt from a night of squirming next to some cat else, eyes glittering with fear, and chest fur marred with scratches. Heathertail's heart sank and she quickly pinned her gaze to Mothwing.
"Thank you for treating me, but I'd like to go back to WindClan now," she rasped. "I'm sure they're worried after yesterday."
"Yesterday?" Mothwing echoed, then shook her head. "Heathertail… you've been unconscious for five days."
Shock struck Heathertail with the force of a wave in deep water. Five… days? No wonder Mothwing was worried about her starving; she hardly even felt hungry, only terribly weak.
"You almost died," Minnowtail told her softly, still out of sight. Heathertail squeezed her eyes shut.
"I want to go home," she repeated.
"That's not a good idea." Mothwing's amber eyes glittered with sympathy. "I'm sorry, but you need to eat and rest right now. You lost a lot of blood, and we trickled water into your mouth and gave you poultices, but… we thought you might not wake up."
Heathertail steeled herself as Minnowtail let out a near-whimper at the reminder. No. No. She's just scared Onestar will attack them. "I'm awake now."
Mothwing twitched her whiskers. "Yes. But like I said, you need to eat and rest until you're strong enough to return to your Clan. Kestrelflight's been running himself ragged going back and forth between our camps, and it would help him at least if he knew you were awake and healing."
"Kestrelflight," Heathertail mumbled, feeling a pang of sorrow thinking of their forgotten friendship. "I'm sure WindClan has many cats that need treatment too."
"None so bad as you. Eat something and we'll see how you fare in the evening." From the medicine cat's tone, Heathertail knew it was the best deal she would get.
I don't even really want to go home, she thought, lowering her muzzle onto her paws and watching as Minnowtail hurried out of the den to fetch her something. I just want this whole thing to be over…
Minnowtail dropped a water vole at her paws. Heathertail began to eat silently, despite the heat of Minnowtail's gaze.
"Heathertail," Minnowtail finally murmured. Heathertail finished the vole and half-heartedly scraped a bit of dirt over it. "Can we talk?"
Heathertail stayed silent. Even when it made her feel like a petulant kit, she was more scared of what would come out if she did open her mouth.
Minnowtail waited. Then said, "Alright. I just… I just want you to know that I'm sorry and…"
Mothwing said, "I'll leave you two to talk."
Heathertail felt a tingle of unease—What does Mothwing think is between us?—but the golden she-cat left the den without so much as a warning to Minnowtail or suspicious stare at Heathertail. She watched her go and then finally resigned herself to hearing whatever it was Minnowtail was so desperate to get off her chest.
"Heathertail, I…" she began, voice half-strangled, then stopped and took a deep breath. "When I thought you were going to die… it felt like my heart was being ripped in two."
Don't trust her. "It must have been so hard for you to see me get injured," Heathertail said acidly.
Minnowtail looked like Heathertail had unsheathed her claws and raked them down her face. "I thought I was going to lose you," she whispered.
The water vole must have finally given her some energy, because fury flared in Heathertail. "You made it clear as day that you didn't want me," she spat.
"I was lying!" Minnowtail shook her head, anguish plain in her voice. "I love you!"
"You do not!" Heathertail snarled. Something splintered in her chest. "You hurt me. You… You broke my heart. I'm not going to let you do it again."
Minnowtail recoiled.
Heathertail took a deep breath.
"I'm going to go back to WindClan," she said. "And we are not going to speak to each other ever again." Despite what she had told Minnowtail, it felt an awful lot like her heart was breaking again. You have to, she told herself. It'll be worse if you let yourself… "It's for the best."
"No!" Minnowtail exclaimed, shaking her head. "It's not, it can't be!" But Heathertail looked away, and kept her gaze away. "Heathertail, please."
"No."
Her voice was raspy and unsubstantial to her own ears, but Minnowtail gave in almost instantly. She lowered her head, ears flattened, and then left the den, her tail trailing behind her.
Heathertail, please.
Heathertail swallowed, trying to forget their last words as quickly as she could. She knew the heartbeat she was back in WindClan, they would be echoing in her mind for moons. It was useless. Heathertail, please.
Kestrelflight came in the evening, and Blackclaw and Reedwhisker escorted them back. Blackclaw thanked her, his yellow eyes brimming with guilt as he watched the way she limped.
"You're a true warrior, Heathertail," the senior RiverClan warrior murmured. "To put your life on the line for another Clan… thank you. We won't forget."
Heathertail nodded mutely. It was high praise, but after today she could muster neither pride nor joy.
"I'm glad you're alright," Kestrelflight said as they crossed the border. Heathertail nodded. The gashes in her stomach ached with every pawstep, though it was the bite of a flea compared to the feeling in her chest.
"Who's dead?" she asked dully.
Kestrelflight let out a long breath, dark sorrow in his gaze. "Ashfoot, Tornear, Swallowtail, Webfoot, Owlwhisker, Thistleheart, Sunstrike, and... Boulderfur, just this morning."
The list took Heathertail's breath away. So many gone. Ashfoot and Tornear were both senior warriors, and had long ago proved themselves as assets to the Clan. The loss would be felt, but... Thistleheart, Boulderfur, even Sunstrike... They were so young. She remembered Boulderfur's glowing blue eyes as he was made an apprentice alongside his sister; Sunstrike's whispered confession to her that she was in love with Harespring; Thistleheart hadn't even lived long enough for Heathertail to learn much about her at all.
"Harespring? Breezepelt?" she whispered.
Something flashed in Kestrelflight's eyes, before the tom turned his gaze to the earth in front of them. "Harespring's alright. Exhausted himself fighting, but recovered fully in a few days, and Onestar's made him deputy as a show of good-will toward the cats who trained in the Dark Forest. Breezepelt came out with hardly a scratch."
"He was fighting for them," Heathertail murmured as they rounded a patch of heather. It reminded her that her scent had worn off, though if she had to guess, she likely smelled more like blood than tom-scent.
Kestrelflight nodded, confirming what she had guessed. The scratches, Minnowtail's warning, Boulderfur's leg...
"Crowfeather must be livid." Heathertail felt numb at the news, though. Breezepelt's callous nature and hatred for his father's other kits could only really lead to one destination. It was no surprise to her that it had come to fruition.
"He chased him out," Kestrelflight said quietly. "And Breezepelt hasn't come back."
Heathertail swallowed. Crowfeather lost his mother, Ashfoot, in that battle too, didn't Kestrelflight say? She wondered how her mentor was faring. He had always seemed to her like the trunk of a tree, mostly destroyed in a storm; hard and unbending. Would this break him? How could everything go wrong so fast?
As they padded back into camp, Heathertail could hardly recognize the faces of her Clanmates; fewer, and twisted with grief. Harespring was just leaving Onestar's den when he spotted the two of them and bounded over.
"Congratulations," Heathertail told him hollowly.
He hardly seemed to take note of her, fixing his eyes to Kestrelflight and opening his jaws, though no sound came out.
"We should talk," Kestrelflight finally rasped to Harespring.
The new deputy dipped his head. "Heathertail, your father wants to speak with you."
She felt even less prepared to deal with his questions, but flicked her tail and began her journey across the camp. Stares followed her, but she ignored the wary gazes of her Clanmates.
Onestar raised his head as Heathertail stepped into the warren. It was stifling inside, that too-familiar scent mingling with heady, coppery blood. She fought the urge to backpedal out into the camp again. Relief swelled in his eyes when he saw her. The numbness rose up until she felt as though she was watching herself from a great distance. Watching Onestar as he drew close to her and pressed his muzzle to her forehead. Feeling nothing.
"Welcome back, son."
Girl it takes guts to just survive / I gotta / Oh, I gotta find another way / Another way / I'm learning to live / I'm trying to be better / I'm learning to give / But I don't know if I'm a giver
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