I know some might have said I made the wrong choice, or others might think that choice was the only one possible. Here I am for over a week in paradise on earth: Sri Lanka.
The start of the trip is not that interesting, but what is important is the day I met Annie Walker ... this woman ... how can I forget her? If I hadn't met her, my life wouldn't have been so tragic …
I saw her one afternoon, on the beach. Sometimes I carried my typewriter. Strange, would you tell me? Well yes, Annie had the same reaction, but that's what motivated her to come and talk to me.
She giggled.
« With my sister, we noticed you with your typewriter, fully dressed, on the beach. I have been going to Sri Lanka for 20 years and I have never seen someone like this. »
« I love to write and old things are always more appealing than new technologies. »
She was smiling at me, I was myself seduced. Girls and love had never interested me, even in high school. Some stereotypical little pests had fun flirting with me or wanting to go out with me but I ignored them: these girls, brainless, who only think about boys, fashion, makeup, sex, wanting to be more mature than their age while the intellectuals are much older, without playing it all the time. I liked Annie, she was the kind of girl who could force my admiration. She had an aura and a kind of strength in her that tamed me.
« I'm in Sri Lanka, only a few days so I haven't gotten used to familiarizing myself with your culture », I laughed.
« Well, here we are not here to work but to have fun
She gave me her hand to get me up
« You know how to have fun, Mr. Writer? »
« I looked at her then stared at her hand for several seconds, I stroked it before she lifted me up. Our faces were close and we looked at each other like it was going on forever. She bit her lip. She didn't seem intimidated, on the contrary she seemed more amused.
« Sure, but it depends what kind of fun, young lady. »
« Tonight there is the Festival of Lights, it is the last day today we send lights in the sky, there is music, dance and typical food from here. If you do not know Sri Lanka, I would like to show you all that, tourist. »
« Alright », I laughed, trying to catch her smile again.
I was totally under her spell, I don't know how it was possible.
Love at first sight ? It doesn't exist, it only happens to Snow White, not to an old wooden puppet. But I wanted to try my luck as best I could, to know her. She offered to join her in front of her house at 7 p.m.
Gordie had seen it all and made fun of me.
« Well, she's very sexy ! You want to sex with her, I'm sure! »
« Yes », I said, without paying attention to his last sentence, I came to my senses and looked at him, « What? No ! »
With all the girls I have met, I recognize that Annie was beautiful, but I have seen the most beautiful, the sexiest, is that, Annie was not like all the others and I understood that this meeting with her had changed me a lot and not just for the bad. She made me more confident, less reserved and stuck.
« Don't be stupid, she keeps looking at you, you can finally have your first time sex without too much effort. »
« Say no bullshit, you just think about it », I said embarrassed but still amused. « I'm not necessarily comfortable with girls, maybe you could give me some advice? I saw you during the trips, you flirted without too many problems. »
« That's what I'm saying, you want to sex with her », he laughed.
« Not like you think ... »
« Listen, the leather jacket doesn't please you, girls like men who look good. Look at me I have really changed. When we met I was a little fat now I look good, I went on a diet and here is the result. Well, you're okay, you have a pretty well-made body, but how you dress is not to please. I heard she invited you to this party, you were going to go like that? »
« I don't know, maybe... »
« Come. »
I put my typewriter in the suitcase and put it on my motorcycle. Gordie and I walked to the market.
« You really think I'm going to buy this kind of clothes », I said disgusted seeing Sri Lankan costumes, full of sequins and all colors.
« But no, we will surely find you something more versatile but still elegant. »
After twenty minutes of research, Gordie got me a blue shirt and gray shorts.
« Here, she will love it! »
I liked it, I felt changed, I was more comfortable, more relaxed
« And leave one or two buttons open at the top, it will make him want to discover your body! »
I gave him a friendly pat, embarrassed though I did.
I was ahead to meet her at the meeting point. I waited for her at least half an hour, I was afraid she would put me down.
And no ! She was there in shorts, a little white shirt that hinted at her swimsuit top, her hair was loose curly in dark and light blond colors. She wore stiletto heels that fit her perfectly.
« You came ? » She said smiling. « I realize I don't even know your name. I'm Annie. »
She gave me her hand
« August », I said, blushing for the first time.
« It's a very pretty name, It's the hottest month, where the sun warms our hearts. »
She laughed
« Sorry, maybe it sounds a bit too kish say like that? »
« No, it's nothing it's nice, yours is not bad either. »
I didn't know so much what to answer that I preferred to say banalities.
« Do you mind taking my motorbike to go? »
« Seriously ? », she exclaimed, surprised, « why not? »
We arrived in downtown Colombo. The lights started to come on it was beautiful
« I've never seen anything like it », I said stunned.
We walked quite close but we didn't talk much, she showed me all the decorations.
« Tell me a bit about this party? »
She celebrates many things here: the birth, enlightenment and death of the Buddha
« Just that ? Are you Buddhist? »
« I find you very curious », she laughed. « No, I'm a hundred percent agnostic, I think there is something but I don't know what. My maternal grandparents have been Buddhists since they came to live here. »
« Where do you come from ? »
« From Washington, I am studying there and I live with my sister. Wait don't you want us to go eat somewhere I'm starving? »
« Yes me too ! »
She took me, grabbing my hand, to a tent.
« What is that ? »
« Kottu roti is the specialty here. Taste it is delicious. »
She gave me a spoonful of this stew in my mouth. (Yes it was very good)
We had a Sri Lankan beer, the lion lager. The music was in full swing. She took me to the beach to dance. Putting my hands around her bare back was strange but she forced me to. I felt her hair on my face and her forehead hitting my ear. I couldn't even look at her because I felt so good, I was afraid to kiss her, to ruin this moment. It was already midnight but we continued to talk, to drink.
We've said so much to each other in two years that I can't tell you what we said to each other at that time. I learned, however, that she was studying law. She had a lot of language skills: English, Tamil, French, Spanish, Italian but also Mandarin and Russian. She was absolutely amazing.
But she wanted to stop her studies for a while to sit down and think. And, especially Sri Lanka, did her the greatest good because her grandparents and her sister who came twice a year were her only family. Her mother had died when she was six years old and her military father was increasingly absent leaving her five year older sister to care for her.
I thought she saw me as a stranger, but she seemed like she needed to talk to someone who was not related to her. As for me, I couldn't talk to her about my past even though chatting with her was magical.
« I always spent my weekends, in military bases, because of my father. After high school, I was able to offer myself the happiness of leaving where I wanted because it made me happy, not because my father was stationed there, I wanted to make my decisions on my own, I was in control of my own destiny , that must sound a little ridiculous to you. »
If she knew how bad it was for me. It was exactly what I had been looking for since I was in this world.
« And you, why are you here? »
« Almost for the same reasons! »
I think I liked being mysterious, and I felt that attracted her. Likewise, later she had asked me about the Monstro necklace that I kept in memory of my father, I was very vague.
Moments later, we were walking on the beach. She looked at my hand and took it gently and stopped. I looked at her, admired her, I was literally crazy about her. I couldn't talk to her. I stroked her cheek, she stroked my hand, letting it rock, and took my reverse cheek. When I looked at her I could make out small tears, I didn't know what they meant but I finally approached her and she suddenly put her lips on mine. I returned this gesture so affectionate and it had no end. I stroked her back and lower chest.
During all my life, I had the right to such wonderful serenity. While continuing to kiss her, I carried her and she put her legs on my thighs. I won in the waves and our kisses were becoming more and more sensual. She took off my shirt and threw it on the beach, I did the same with hers. We then found ourselves at the bottom of the water like mermaids, continuing to kiss each other.
Want to know the rest? I think you can imagine it but I'd rather keep it to myself.
Then we slept on the sand.
But Gordie woke me up:
« You made it a former virgin, I'm proud of you. »
« Gordie, you woke me up. »
« So how was it? Did you enjoy? »
« I don't want to answer any of your questions », I looked at Annie sleeping, peaceful.
« I don't believe it ! Did you fall in love with her? »
« Maybe. »
« What then? We had to keep traveling. We said to each other, we make a girl in each country and we continue our journey and you have sex with the first girl who came and you already want to make your life with her. »
« You're the one saying that Gordie and it's not the first girl to came », I was starting to get angry.
« You're the one who says it ! »
« What do you mean by that ? »
« What I mean is that one day it will lose you! Maybe you love her and maybe she loves you too but you know as well as I do that it's not going to last ... »
« Why do you say that ? »
« But in relation to who you are! Look at you, I've understood you well for all these years. You think about that baby that you abandoned sixteen years ago, it eats away at you from the inside and you try to forget what you did by thinking about something else but one day it will all lose you and you will be alone. .. »
At the time, I thought he was just jealous but unfortunately he was right.
« Where you go ? »
« Bye », he shouted at me with a middle finger.
Annie woke up:
« What is happening ? Wasn't he your friend? Why is he leaving? »
« He's not really a friend, he's just a traveling companion, it's nothing! »
« Really ? »
I changed the subject
« Annie, why me, why did you kiss me when we hardly know each other? »
« You know, I've been going to Sri Lanka for ages and life is so monotonous here, always doing the same thing, people aren't always welcoming and I don't often meet American tourists. And you, you're different, I felt it right away. And sometimes I need to have someone who listens to me, to have fun, to go on an adventure and not just with my sister ... »
« So let's go on an adventure together », I exclaimed, smiling, kissing her and then hugging her.
During these two years, a lot has happened and at the same time not much. Even though almost every day we were swimming, we sex together, we go shopping, I'm reading my news to her, every day was different and we didn't want there to be an end to how happy we were. We slept every night in a sort of cabin on the small Unawatuna beach, in the south of Sri Lanka, a little piece of heaven, isolated from everything, like an island just for us. But it was necessary to put furniture: a bed, small tables, and instead of buying them.
I managed to amaze her once again by building with my own hands, all with tools that I had found in supermarkets. I remembered everything my father had taught me, I still built the magic cabinet with him. Likewise, I had found two little sons on the beach and I managed to make two bracelets with shells for both of us which symbolized our love. Maybe it was a lot easier than those simple words I never said to her.
A few weeks after meeting Annie, my mind wandered elsewhere, and that's when I kept lying to her and it made me miserable.
One morning, when Annie was away to get breakfast, on my typewriter, there was a note that said "come and meet me at noon, if you want to see your family". At first I saw it as a joke, it was not possible, no one here knew my world.
I went to the market place, pretending to Annie a surprise lunch. I saw a man in a golden hood that no one around seemed to notice. He motioned for me to follow him and I joined him to a path. The man took off his hood and I saw a young black man just a few years older than me. I had never seen him before.
« Who are you ? »
« Nice to meet you Pinocchio! »
I didn't understand how it was possible, how could he know?
« Don't be afraid, my name is Merlin, and I'm here to make sure you don't forget your mission! »
« What are you doing in this world? Have you managed to escape the curse? »
« Listen August, I don't have much time, I'm just a hologram, only you can see me. I have been trapped in a tree for years, I use my limited strength to come and talk to you and warn you ... »
« Warn against what? »
« You're gonna have to forget about this girl. In two years, you will have to force Emma to fulfill her destiny and for that, you will have to separate her from Baelfire ... »
« Why me ? »
« You are the only person who can help her, the only person who can put her on the right path and then you want to find your father, right? So you don't have a choice Pinocchio. »
I felt like I heard the same words as Gordie but with the words of my world.
« How will I know and when exactly? »
« I'll give you a clue », he said, disappearing.
From that moment, the lies really started, it was worse than when I was a wooden puppet, because it affected me every time I told Annie one of them, I didn't want her. hurt but I had no choice. I even prevented her from going home, once, I didn't want her to have to leave me, I wanted it to be me but as late as possible. She was even touched that I held her back.
The worst lie was after my first lunch at his grandparents' house a year later. This is where I met Danielle Walker, Annie's big sister. At first I didn't like her because I felt I was pissing her off, that I wasn't good enough for her sister, which wasn't completely wrong. She had the impression of surrounding me and that annoyed Annie. This little game had lasted throughout the meal until it broke.
Danielle had alluded to a certain Ben Mercer and Annie had left the table, mad with rage. She grabbed me by the arm and we left without my understanding what had happened. I have never seen so much anger on Annie's face that I dared not speak to her. An angel passed for several hours.
In the evening, I saw her rolled up in her sheets to make the face.
« It's okay ? Do you want to talk about this ? »
No answer
« Do you want me to go? »
« No stay », she whispered.
I lay down beside her, without touching her and without looking at her. She had turned her back on me. I somehow managed to break the ice.
« You know your sister just wants to protect you from bad boys like me », I joked.
« You are not a bad boy and then that has nothing to do with it, she gets involved a little too much in what does not concern her and the problem is not her it is me. »
« What do you mean ? »
Annie got up and sat down on the bed, in profile to me. She swallowed, she didn't look like she was normal.
« A few years ago I fell in love with a boy, his name was Ben. He had been my childhood friend since I was five, I have always trusted him. But in high school, we started dating and a few months later he told me he was moving, that we couldn't see each other again. But in fact, he lied to me. »
She started to cry bitter tears
« He had cancer, lung cancer for several weeks and he didn't say anything to me, surely, not to hurt me. »
I didn't expect to hear such a dreadful story even though I was glad it was opening up to me.
« And how did you know? »
« I had his parents on the phone to ask if they had arrived at their new home and they told me, in tears, that he had died two days before. »
« Annie, I'm so sorry », I hugged her, so sad for her. « It's not your fault, you could never have known. »
« I blame myself so much for trusting him, I felt like I had let my guard down. Since that day, I haven't been able to trust any of the boys I had met, I was afraid of being hurt again one day or another. »
It was totally surreal and so unwelcome of me, teaching her moral lessons on something I was going to have in store for her in a few months but somewhere deep down I wanted her to continue to trust me.
« And me ? You trust me ? »
She smiled at me and kissed me. She whispered a "yes" in my ear. I removed the shell bracelet, which was around my wrist and showed it to her.
« In my life I have always wanted to accomplish something important, and the most important thing that has happened to me, Annie, it's you! »
She looked at me, moved with lights in her eyes
« I promise I will never let you down, never! »
I wanted so badly that these words weren't a lie.
We returned to her grandparents, a few weeks later. Danielle had apologized, she understood that she had crossed the line especially when Annie told her with certainty my feelings for her. Danielle ended up liking me. She was quite different from her sister, she really had the big sister instinct, she wanted to protect her. Annie sometimes felt a lot of jealousy towards her sister because the whole family adored Danielle thanks to her major medical studies. It was always she who had had everything skilled. But these two sisters loved each other very much, they have been inseparable for so many years.
We went to their place once every two months, the last time we even slept there.
Then the fateful day arrived, although at the start of the day I was unaware. We went for a walk in the surrounding small towns. We had lunch in a very chic little Indian restaurant. Looking at the menu, there was a newsagent next to the restaurant.
I took advantage of Annie thinking about what she wanted to take to read the front page of a newspaper, I saw Merlin in the distance looking at me and then suddenly disappear. It had written: "Emma Swan and Neal Cassidy wanted for theft". Merlin's prophecy was right. My world began to fall apart.
In a few hours, Annie was going to escape me and I wouldn't know how to live without her. I stole the diary during the day because there was a lot of information that must have been useful to me like who this Baelfire or this Neal Cassidy was. I secretly phoned to book a plane ticket to Portland.
We took advantage of these last hours spent together traveling, visiting the country. I tried to stay as normal as possible so that she wouldn't see the blow coming.
The night we sex together and it was the best night, from my point of view, but it ended in tears. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to sleep. I stayed awake until she fell asleep so that she wouldn't notice my absence. And before she fell asleep in Morpheus' arms, she finally told me these few words:
"I love you".
I tried to be quiet, but I felt my heart so heavy, she had said it at the worst time and it was very hard. And yet they were the most important words to say in a lifetime. But if I had told her, I would have thought this was all real, that our relationship was going to last and it shouldn't last. I knew that, however, it was totally hypocritical of me to run away after that.
But I had no choice: I missed my father, he was in danger and he needed my help. I put my things away, never stopping watching her sleep.
I took a paper and a pen and wrote "The truth is complicated forgive me" which I put on my pillow. When I think about it this word was so insignificant and absurd.
I hadn't told her anything about my past and I knew all about her and yet she had trusted me and she had loved me…
I was perhaps not worthy of her, after all. ..