Katsuki wasn't sure what was real anymore.
Life felt like a haze, like a dream that drifted just outside his grasp.
It felt like he was still there sometimes. Like he was back in his mind with dark waters crushing him, filling his lungs, his nose, his entire being.
And honestly? He welcomed it. He was used to it. It brought a sense of normality that he… missed. The numbness, the pressure, the darkness. The stinging pain in his scalp.
He knew he scared his parents when they found him like that, curled up in his closet fingers tugging strands of blond hair from his scalp, eyes glazed and unseeing. Unresponsive to their panicked voices.
They found him like that many more times as the years went on and each and every time they feared for him.
Katsuki could understand it, just a little, how terrifying it was to see your child unresponsive and unmoving for hours (or days) on end. The only reason he ate or relieved himself in those moments was because of his parents' care.
His father had started working from home to keep an eye on him and his mother never took jobs far away. They hovered around him and Katsuki.. didn't hate it. It helped him, just a little. Having them there was new and different and made him remember things were real, made him remember he wasn't in his head anymore. He was… safe.
Time always passed strangely for him when he was stuck in his head. It felt like no time ever passed, and he'd find out later that he was "gone" for hours, even days or weeks at a time.
The longest he'd been stuck in his own head had been when he first came home. It lasted seven months. He didn't remember much of it, it was all just a fuzzy blur in memories. Katsuki does remember when he came back to himself though.
He remembered the soft talking, the warm bodies pressed on either side of him, someone's hand holding his own. He remembered the rough, thick callouses on the palm, the long and slender and oh so pale fingers that curled around his own.
Just like the hands that reached out to him what felt like ages ago. Pale strong hands and soft purple eyes that reached into the thick tar of his mind, tried to reach him, tried to save him. They never did reach him of course. The Intruder had intervened before they could.
But after those hands had reached for him… was when he woke up. Woke up in the infirmary surrounded by people he didn't know and those he did.
The squeeze he had given the hand drew the owners attention. Soft lilac eyes gazed into his own and Katsuki saw the relief that rested the soft look.
Warmth curled in his chest and stomach at the murmured 'Welcome back', his heart felt full and Katsuki felt so safe here, pressed between the two bodies, one lithe and one hulking.
The words, despite being soft spoken, had attracted attention. Izuku squeezed him in a gentle hug and so had his parents, the relief was clear on their faces as well. Katsuki couldn't help the stab of guilt for making them worry.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Izuku and Hitoshi spent time with him while his parents had excused themselves to place several calls. One of them had been to his therapist, who'd dropped by within an hour of being called. It was nice to officially meet the woman. Apparently she'd stopped by weekly while he was out of it.
She was a soft woman with a no nonsense attitude that katsuki appreciated. She reminded Katsuki a bit of his mother and of Auntie Inko. She introduced herself to him as Yumiiko and she was honestly really good. She was able to handle him, even when he grew angry at his own inability to properly express himself and his emotions she was calm and understood, patiently helping him find his words and figure out just what he felt.
It was kind of nice.
Katsuki's life settled into a new routine.
He didn't leave the house. The thought of leaving it, the safety it made him feel, made his chest tighten and his throat burn with emotions he didn't want to identify.
He knew it wasn't logical, knew that he could get hurt even if he stayed home, but… the outside world was just so much. So he stayed home. He started taking classes online a year after his "rescue". Yumiiko visited him several times a week and called everyday. Hitoshi and Izuku called him daily and came to visit him nearly every weekend, and with their visits came the letters.
Letters from their classmates who wanted to reconnect with him. Who wanted to be his friend. Who didn't even know him.
They had only known the Intruder.
It was strange to Katsuki. He didn't know how to feel about the letters full of rambling words and pictures of people he didn't know. He didn't know them but… he still kept every letter. Hid them away in his desk drawer, read them over and over again until the creases threatened to rip from how many times he folded and refolded them.
He'd spoken about the letters before, only with Yumiiko, he'd even tried to write a response, had gone through stacks of paper trying to respond to these people who wanted to be his friend, who wanted to get to know him.
It took him a long time. Took him months to find the words he wanted to say, to pen out five letters, to fill them with his own hesitant ramblings, with small pictures and doodles that amused him.
He was glad Hitoshi didn't say anything when he pressed the letters into his hands, only quirked an eyebrow at him before tucking them away safely into his bag. Hitoshi was always a good choice, Izuku would've gotten emotional if he'd given him the letters to pass on.
It didn't stop Izuku from wrapping his huge arms around him and sobbing happy tears into his shoulder the next weekend he visited.
And so, life continued.
Katsuki knew things would never be the same for him, but he didn't let that stop him, wouldn't let it stop him.
He completed his schooling in record time, caught up on his missed final year of middle school and graduated from his online high school classes with the highest grades among his "classmates".
He learned how to function without his quirk, adjusted to his new status as quirkless surprisingly well.
There were still some days he hated it, hated Izuku for doing this to him, for taking away the thing that made him, him. Other times he wondered if having a quirk was even useful, it had done nothing to help him when he needed it most.
In the end though, he couldn't help but feel a little relief. A little less weight on his shoulders. No more expectations placed on him from his flashy quirk.
To Katsuki, the loss of his quirk was but a small price to pay to be free again. To be the master of his body once more.
While he could no longer be the kind of hero he originally wanted to be… Katsuki decided he could still be his own kind of hero, a hero with a different kind of battlefield. He'd still help people, he'd do it in his own way.
Katsuki wouldn't lose this dream.
Only his parents and therapist were informed of his plans. The three of them were more than overjoyed at his choice and supported his decision wholeheartedly.
And so Katsuki started the first step in his plan.
He went outside.
The first time he stepped out of the house he had barely made it off the welcoming mat before his head felt woozy and his chest grew tight. The blood rushed in his ears and it was so hard to breathe.
His father had gently guided him back inside, was the one to help him ground himself and soothe away the panic that gripped his body and mind. This was going to be difficult, Katsuki expected that.
And Katsuki didn't give up.
Everyday he practiced, everyday he stepped outside, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the bright blue sky until he eventually succumbed to the panic racing through his veins.
And everyday he managed to get farther and farther, until he was able to make it several blocks over without losing himself.
To Katsuki, this accomplishment felt like a chain loosening from around him, like another step to being truly free.
As Izuku and Hitoshi entered their final year at UA their visits slowed to maybe once a month. The daily phone calls continued, while no longer several hours long Katsuki still appreciated that they took the time to call him. Even the letters came to a crawl, he maybe received a new one every month, sometimes every two months.
He didn't get upset with them, he ignored the way his heart squeezed at not having them around as much. They were busy, this was their final year before the lot of them officially became heroes. Katsuki knew that, and he was so proud of them.
Instead, Katsuki used his new found free time to study, filling his room with book after book. Stacks of practice tests and workbooks took up the space on his desk. Time and time again he could be found curled on the couch or hunched over his desk, book in hand and his glasses perched on his nose as he studied.
More than once he was gently shaken awake by his father or mother after falling asleep while reading.
Come January Katsuki felt he was as ready as he would ever be. His stomach was a bundle of nerves as the house grew farther and farther away. This would be the greatest distance he'd traveled to date.
Together with his parents, Katsuki went to Tokyo, gave their hands a squeeze before entering the University testing facility. The test was long and grueling, but Katsuki felt confident. He knew and understood most of the questions, he'd studied his ass off. He knew he aced the entrance exam.
And yet, he couldn't help feeling jittery as he waited, marked off each day on his calendar until finally, late in February he received the letter.
If he cried when he read his acceptance into the prestigious University it wasn't anyone's business but his own and his parents.
March rolled around all too soon, bright and warm, the air filled with the soft scent of flowers. It was the day the third years of UA were graduating.
It was the day Katsuki was going to surprise everyone.
He'd been planning this for months now, the thoughts of all their faces when they see him… it has him excited. Afterall, the surprise was one of the reasons he'd practiced so relentlessly to be able to walk outside again.
Katsuki took his time as he got ready, carefully wiping his body down before he dressed in his suit. He wanted to make a good impression, it was going to be his first time back at UA in two years now. Time had really flown by.
He carefully clipped his long hair back, making sure not to touch his head, he didn't want to fall into an episode, not today. He was too excited.
Things were finally coming together.
Katsuki glanced over himself one last time in the mirror, smiling just a bit at the picture he made. His suit hugged his body, accentuating his thin waist, his long ashen hair hung down his back, black clips keeping the unruly locks from his face.
Katsuki was ready to cause a scene.
And cause a scene he did.
It didn't take long before one of them caught sight of him. He wasn't exactly hiding. He watched amused as one by one heads would whip around and scan the crowd until they spotted him. Katsuki couldn't keep his snicker back even if he tried. These dumbasses were making such a scene and didn't even realise it.
By the time the speeches were over and the students thanked their teachers, the entire class knew.
Katsuki was practically mobbed by the lot of them, Izuku reached him first, raced towards him with green lightning covering his body as he scooped him up into his huge arms. The blubbers and tears were there as well, Katsuki didn't even try to stop the fond smile from spreading across his face.
He laughed, feeling lighter than he has in years as he offered his congratulations to Class A from his spot within Izuku's arms, the dork refused to let him down. Not even to let Hitoshi hug him.
By the time the class wandered off to their families Katsuki had eighteen new numbers programmed into his phone. As much as he liked finally meeting the lot of them in person and not through letters, he was relieved to be left alone with his idiots.
His wonder duo. His heroes.
His Izuku and Hitoshi.
"It's going to suck not being able to see you as much especially since you can go out now! Wow Kacchan you're so amazing! Maybe I should see about getting a sidekick opportunity here instead of in Tokyo…"
"Hm… there aren't as many agencies I want to work with here but.."
Katsuki laughed again as they spoke over each other, their warm bodies pressed against him on either side as he pulled out his letter.
"Won't be necessary nerds. I'm going to Tokyo with you two. You're looking at the future top lawyer in Japan."
He flashed his acceptance letter with a grin, chest feeling warm at the surprised yells and congratulations.
He wasn't completely better. Not by a long shot.
But, one day he'd get there.
With these two by his side, he knew he would.