Build Me Up Buttercup.
2007
James looked just a wee bit paler than usual.
He hadn't said much all evening, only half listening as Erin nattered on about how her day had gone, her latest article, the gossip at the newspaper and her editor's most recent unreasonable demands.
Silence had since fallen, silence that was usually filled when James returned the favour and told Erin all about how his own day at school went, how his students were getting on and how Jenny Joyce (who'd somehow ended up working in the same school!) was finding all sorts of new ways to drive the people around her to the very brink of madness.
Erin watched James over the screen of her laptop, her cheeks flushed and her brows furrowed in suspicion. She looked like a human kettle, one that was growing closer and closer to blowing it's lid clean off with every second that passed in silence.
Three. Two. One. Explosion!
"Out with it!", Erin demanded, pushing herself back from her desk and striding across their sitting room. "Something's up!"
Her tongue clicked inside her mouth, arms posed determinedly on her hips.
"What do you mean something's up?", James retorted just a little defensively. "Nothing's up!'
"Feck's sake!", Erin huffed. "I've known you since you were barely a proper lad. I know when something's up!"
They had rather different ways of dealing with their feelings, she and James.
Erin was loud, theatrical and even though she still fancied herself to be the mysterious creative type (which she'd never been!), the people closest to her generally knew how she was feeling long before she did. James was different. There was never any doubt that he felt every bit as deeply about things as Erin did, but instead of loud outbursts he usually tended towards keeping his troubles to himself to avoid inconveniencing the people he loved.
Erin wasn't having any of it!
"Yer not gettin' cold feet, are you?"
It was clearly a joke, a joke used to get to the root of whatever the hell was eating James. Either way he found himself responding;
"I'm pretty sure that if either of us were going anywhere, it would have happened already. Most likely somewhere between the time you asked Michelle who 'owned the fella' and when I pissed in Sister Michael's rubbish bin right in front of you."
Erin smirked at the memory, not arguing with James there. She flopped down next to him on the couch, drawing her legs up underneath her.
"So are you goin' to tell me what's wrong or do I have to drag it out of ya?"
James eyed her somewhat tenderly, his tone hinting a certain cheekiness that was clearly meant to distract her from his mood.
"I'm afraid you might have to drag it out of me."
Too bad she saw right through it.
Erin rolled her eyes, feigning exasperation. "Gobshite...", she mumbled half heartedly, channeling the gruff affection of her mother, her grandfather and the wider population of Derry on a whole.
Wordlessly wrapping an arm around her, James smiled softly. Erin settled her head in the crook of his neck with his cheek resting on the crown of her head.
It was old ritual for them, something that had become comforting long before they had ever gotten together romantically. Erin smelled like coffee and newspaper ink, just like she always did.
To James, the scent was strangely grounding in a way that very few other things could be.
He exhaled shakily, feeling lighter and warmer than he had since he'd kissed Erin goodbye that morning. The coldness that had settled inside him earlier on that day began to thaw just a little bit...just enough for him to properly open up.
"I got an email from mum at work today", James admitted, grappling with the strange feeling of disappointment that had been churning in the pit of his stomach.
He knew that he really shouldn't be surprised anymore, but somehow he still was.
Erin frowned, sitting upright and eyeing him seriously. "Is everythin' alright?"
James looked at her; open, crestfallen and vunerable.
All of a sudden, he felt as though he was seventeen again and sitting at the Quinns' kitchen table; insisting that his mum was just too busy with her new labelling company to visit Derry for his birthday that year.
"She's not comin' to the wedding is she?", Erin asked, knowing the answer already.
James nodded, trying to keep his voice as measured as possible. "No, she's not."
Erin bit her lip, torn between the instinctive need to be there for James and the immediate urge to fly into a rage about his mother.
Save for the infamous 'Stranger-Danger! She's-Tryna-Set-Us-On-Fire!' incident of '95, she could likely count on one hand how many times she'd actually met Kathy Maguire over the years.
There was no nice way of going about it, Erin just wasn't a fan of her future mother-in-law...or of anyone who could treat James so shittly and then go about like nothing had ever happened afterwards.
"Ahh Love, I don't know what to say", she replied as gently as she could manage. Even with all her questionable decisions, Kathy was still James mother and even though he was upset, Erin knew that a part of him would always think his mum hung the moon in the sky. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, Erin."
"And it isn't yours either", she replied sharply, determined to make sure he believed her.
James smiled gratefully, feeling Erin's fingers wrap around his, holding him together. She cared...he knew she did; in her own mad, electric and completely Erin way.
"I wasn't surprised exactly", he confessed, feeling painfully awkward and uncomfortable to a degree that he hadn't quite experienced in years."It's just..."
Erin chipped in just as he trailed off. "She's your mam", she added simply.
James nodded, still feeling just a little bit numb.
"Will you be alright?"
"I think so", James told her with a sheepish smile, actually feeling like he would be for the first time that day. Someday, he hoped to fix his complicated relationship with his mum...but until then he'd appreciate the family and love he had; Erin, the girls, the Mallons and the whole Quinn-McCool household too.
"I'm still marrying my best friend, aren't I? The woman I've loved since I was a kid?"
Erin rolled her eyes, scarcely bothering to supress the genuine smile that twitched at the corners of her lips. "You're one emotional sap, y'know that?", she teased.
"But you love me anyway."
"I do", Erin promised him, her thumb brushing across his cheek as she made to get up and return to her desk. "I really really do."
James leaned forward as she slipped away, pressing his lips against hers.
"Then that's more than enough for me."