His heart skipped a beat. His sky fell. He blinked once. Twice. He realized what he had just heard.

"Meredith Grey has a frontal lobe brain tumor"

He repeated it in his head. He tried to process it. He couldn't say how much time passed. His intern was still standing there, at the entrance of his office. Cristina Yang. He liked her, she has a lot of potential. Maybe it was just an awful nightmare? Is it really happening?

"What?" That's all he was able to say. Man tried to stay or at least look calm, but his eyes were betraying him.

"Not operable. She was consulted by numerous neurosurgeons. Best case scenario - a year. And she is not " her eyes were starting to fill with tears "She doesn't want anyone to know, but I'm telling you this… I'm telling you this, because she...she gave up. She just sits in her room, she doesn't eat, she doesn't talk. She gave up. So if you can, please help. I know your relationship is not easy, but please, do what you can." she pleaded.

"Is she at home? Can you give me a key or something? " He said, his voice trembling. He looked so lost.

"Yeah. Here is the key " she gave a little key to him and left his office, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Derek quickly changed his clothes, texted Richard Webber, the Chief of Surgery, that he needs a day off and all his cases should be transferred to any neuro attending on call. He practically ran to his car.

It took him 15 minutes to get to her house. Endless 15 minutes. He rushed to her door and knocked on the door. Nothing. No answer. He knocked once more and nothing again. He used a key and entered a house, little shivers ran down his spine, the house was dead quiet. He looked for her downstairs and didn't find her there, so rushed upstairs. Her bedroom door was closed. He stood there for a minute, staring at the door.

And then knocked. And again, she didn't answer. Silence. He knocked again. Waiting. He kept knocking, but then he heard her lifeless voice.

"Cristina, don't. Go away"

He didn't say anything. He just stood there.

And then she opened a door. He looked closely and carefully at her. She looked exhausted and he noticed that she'd lost some weight.

"For the fuck's sakes what are you doing here?!" she almost screamed.

"I...I came to talk"

"Don't! Go away! I don't want to see you!" She wanted to close a door, but he stopped it with his hand

"Wait. I know about...about...Meredith, I know about a tumor" she seemed even more angry

"Oh, good for you. And who did tell you that? Who should I "thank" for that?" her every word was filled with rage. She was hurt.

"Let me in. I want to talk" he pleaded

"Ok. Fine. Whatever"

He entered a room and stopped for a second. His eyes fell to the bed, so many memories. It felt like a sacred territory. It was his first time being here since Addison came.She broke the silence.

"Sit up"

He sat beside her on the bed.

"How long?" he asked after sitting quiet for a while.

"I was diagnosed 2 months ago" she answered calmly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek looked disappointed and sad. Very sad.

"Why do you think I didn't tell you?" His blue eyes met her green, that moment seemed to be forever. She looked away.

"Yeah. Do you have scans here?"

She got up, went to the drawer and gave the man a folder. He opened it and looked at the films.

"Damn. It's beautiful" he looked at the tumor. It was gorgeous. Indeed. Of course, the most beautiful woman got the most beautiful tumor.

"Yes, I know" she smiled a little.

"Is it..?" He just didn't have the courage to say that word. Malignant. He said it a million times to his patients and their families, but right at this moment he realised how they felt when hearing such news. He felt mortified. He felt like his life depended on her next words.

"It's benign. They made a biopsy, that's not cancer"

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He looked closely at films and blood results. It wasn't good.

"Who is your doctor?" he wondered.

"I was consulted by many. All said the same. I even flew to New York to meet Anderson."

"You've met Anderson? It is impossible to.. "

"I know. Richard helped me"

"So, Richard knows?"

"Yeah, he needed to know, i skipped a lot of work lately, so yes, he knows. I kinda figured he was the one who told you"

"No, he didn't. Do you have any symptoms?" he sounded concerned.

"Yes, I have a lot of them actually" she signed quitely.

"For how long?"

"First one appeared back at the end of October. It was just some nausea and I couldn't sleep well, I thought it was just exhaustion from work, you know, who doesn't feel overwhelmed during the internship, so I didn't pay much attention, plus it was the stressful..um, period of time." he listened to her talking and the pain appeared on his face "And then, month later I started to get headaches, and again I didn't think it was anything serious, as weeks went by I started to feel a little dizzy in the mornings and during surgeries. And one day I just fainted in the kitchen, thank God Izzie was home. " she swallowed hard, looked at her feet and said "And then I got tested and found out about the tumor. I knew what that meant, I learned from the best." a little, tiny smile touched her lips, he looked at her and smiled too.

"Do you take any meds to help you with pain?"

"Yes, Richard helps me with prescriptions. I take them, but sometimes there is no much use in them"

He looked at her beautiful, little face. She didn't look like herself, she was tired and hurt.

And then it hit him. The end of October. Addison arrived in Seattle. She, his Meredith didn't pay attention to her health, because of him. He is a monster. He should've noticed.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith" he said with an apologetic look on his face.

"It's okay, there is nothing you can do"

"What if there is? Look, let me take these home" he pointed to her medical chart "Maybe there is something I can do. Please"

She hesitated for a while. She wanted him to take scans, so she could see him once more. But she knew for a fact, that there is nothing he can possibly do.

"Okay. Take them"

He thanked her and got up from bed, said goodbye and left. He needed to find a way out of this, he needed to find a way to help her, but first he needed a bottle of scotch.