Hate.
Anger.
Sadness.
Misunderstanding.
Frustration.
So much frustration.
I don't understand. To this day I still don't understand. I never did. I never understood. Why is he still here? Why does he hang on so hard with everything I do? I use all my might and all my power to get through to him that I don't want him around.
He grins at me. He always fucking grins at me. He knows the deal. He knows he's won. He won from the very first day. I lost. I always lost. I lost that battle from the very first day.
Demon.
Prince.
Finn Balor.
Whatever name he prefers to go by.
I just call him fuckhead.
I tried so hard. I cried. I screamed. I gave him the silent treatment. I even went as far to beg him one night. I begged him to leave me alone.
He went against all my tries. He smiled. He kept his voice calm. He talked. He never left. He stayed.
Fuckhead!
I changed my appearance time and time again. Black hair, blonde hair, pink hair, brown hair, blue hair, long hair, short hair. It didn't matter. Nothing chased him away. He loves whatever color and whatever style I choose for my hair.
I even changed my green eyes with contacts to try and make him go away. Blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, violet eyes, red eyes. They seemed to have a bit more effect on him than the hair. He loves my eyes. But no matter the eye color, no matter the hair style, he always fucking stayed.
My fuckhead.
He's still grinning at me from across the room. Maybe he can read my mind. Maybe he just knows that when I go silent like this, I think back on all the obstacles I tried to put in his way. He never fucking left.
Because he loves me. Because he wants to be with me. Because he saw through all the fear and pain inside me. He broke down my walls, broke through my shield, captured my heart in a way that I never wanted it to be captured. And I allowed it.
"Hey fuckhead!" I yell across the room. "I love you!"