Thank You to PastaPotatoes, milkmankags, and mila_ngas for your wonderful reviews! And of course, Thanks Day for editing!
The first training session between him and Shit-Hair went exactly as Katsuki expected… In that, they spent most of the time talking about Shitty-Hair's Quirk and testing for base limits of his quirk instead of actual training. Well, they did manage to get in a light spar, but not much else more than that. So, it really shouldn't have fucking surprised Katsuki when Shitty-Hair asked him for another training session before they went their separate ways at the train station because of course, they were on the same station. Nor should it have surprised him when he agreed to meet three times a week for training without much consideration. After all, Shitty-Hair had a second Quirk that could manipulate people into doing whatever he wanted with only a few sentences.
Although, did it even really matter? Shitty-Hair wouldn't last a month of training with him. Eventually, he would grow some goddamn brain cells in that stupid thick skull of his and realize that Katsuki's persona wasn't just an act. Eventually, he would get sick of his pisspoor personality. Eventually, his amusement would dry out, and he'd finally leave Katsuki alone.
But, then again, Katsuki should've been used to being disappointed… and wrong. Of fucking course.
If you asked him, there was a screw loose in Shitty-Hair's head; probably came out during middle school when he used to Quirk Train by banging his head against a wooden plank until he started bleeding, —what the fuck was he thinking?— because, apparently, being told that it was okay to train together for an hour after school three days a week meant to Shitty-Hair that they were suddenly the best of friends!
How the flying fuck did this even happen..? Katsuki thought one day, head in hands and thinking about the beginning of hell that started on a typical Wednesday during lunch. Shitty-Hair had invited Katsuki to sit together —again for the hundredth time in the past month— and, of course, Katsuki responded with his typical, "Fuck off, Shitty-Hair, I'm not your buddy" before stomping away.
He didn't know it at the time, but this would turn out to be the improper response because not long after Katsuki went to his table in the far corner of the cafeteria, —a place with a single lone table no one sat at because Katsuki— Shitty-Hair materialized out of thin air, slammed his lunch tray against the table and nearly gave Katsuki a goddamn heart attack. Then, the red-haired fucker smoothly slid into the chair next to Katsuki's like he always belonged there, that damned cheesy grin plastered on his obnoxious face.
"Heya, Bakugou!" He greeted enthusiastically with an equally enthusiastic wave. "I'm sorry for bugging you, man, but I thought that since you said you didn't want to sit with us, we could sit with you!"
Katsuki blinked, dumbfounded, "...We?"
"Yeah!"
"His idea, not ours."
Katsuki startled out of his skin by the sudden voices that seemingly came out of fucking nowhere. Quickly, he snapped his attention across the table just to see the two fuckers from the Cavalry Battle casually sitting there as if they'd been there since the beginning of time itself. He didn't even fucking remember feeling them sit down, how the flying fuck were they there? What were they, goddamn wizards?!
"Gooooooooodd…" The Pink-Alien-Looking-Bitch slowly trailed off, looking confused with herself. She turned, "Hey, Sero, is there a way to say 'Good Morning' but noon?"
Soy-Sauce hummed seriously as he leaned back with his finger tapping against his chin. After a second, he shook his head, "Not that I know of. Sorry."
Katsuki, already mourning the loss of several brain cells, abruptly stood up and pointed at the three stooges' normal table, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Get the hell out of here!!" It got the attention of a few outsiders, but not a single fucker at the table even blinked in his direction.
"It's just weird that people say 'Good Morning', 'Good Afternoon', 'Good Evening', and 'Good Night' but not 'Good Noon', right?"
"But 'Good Night' isn't a greeting, it means goodbye."
"Hmmm, you have a point, but I consider it irrelevant to the conversation!"
Raccoon-Eyes —a pink, old-school-looking-alien bitch with an acid Quirk— and Soy-Sauce —a tall lanky fucker with inky-black hair and a tape-gunshot Quirk—, continued their discussion with the seriousness of young children discussing their favorite candy bar without a care in the world. And the longer Katsuki was ignored, the darker his face became, and the wider Shit-Hair's smile grew. After a little bit, Shitty-Hair stood up, set his hand on Katsuki's shoulder and gently lowered him back to his seat.
His blood boiled hot enough to melt glass.
"So," Shitty-Hair gladly exclaimed, clapping his hands together and gathering the entire table's attention. Although, Katsuki just glared at him, fuming, yet still not affecting a single person. "Bakugou… What is your opinion on... 'Why did the chicken cross the road'? I think it's a masterpiece!"
"But it's not even funny!" The Pink one protested with the passion of a thousand suns.
"It can be funny though," Soy-Sauce pointed out calmly, "only the original punchline sucks, but overall it's a good setup."
"The original joke is the masterpiece, though!"
… What?!
The rest of the lunch period passed in the blink of an eye. Katsuki having spent the entire time staring genuinely flabbergasted at the three idiots debating over the legitimacy of 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' as a joke. When the bell rang, he realized to his utter horror he hadn't eaten, which made the entire break a waste of time.
Katsuki got up, tempted to dump his food on one of them as petty revenge for ruining his lunch period, but instead decided to stomp away before any of them had the chance to follow after him.
If they show up tomorrow I'm going to bury them with their hearts in their mouths, Katsuki swore as he threw his food away except his cold bowl of rice.
It didn't pan out that way.
Before Katsuki knew it, three weeks passed, and they still hadn't left him alone. And boy, oh boy, if Katsuki thought Shitty-Hair was frustrating to be around, then his two moronic friends were screaming toddlers on a plane.
Soy-Sauce —"You know, Bakugou, I'm starting to think your memory is worse than your temper. So please remember this time: I'm Sero. Sero."— took every living opportunity there was to make fun of Katsuki as much as possible. Even in moments where you'd think it'd be impossible to tease someone, the bastard found a way. It didn't matter who you were, what you were like, or whether you actually deserved it or not because he simply didn't fucking care. Soy-Sauce mocked Deku's Nerd Rambles, mimicked Glasses' hand-chops, and snickered at literally everything about Aizawa straight to his face. It actually might have been pretty fucking hilarious if Katsuki wasn't on the receiving end of Soy-Sauce's smartass mouth all the time. In addition, he really liked stealing almond cookies… specifically Katsuki's almond cookies.
How the hell Katsuki's hadn't rung his twig-thin neck yet was beyond him.
As for Raccoon-Eyes —"If you won't call me Mina at least call me Ashido!"—, she only had two functioning brain cells and neither refused to do anything that involved actual intelligence. She was completely sporadic, random, and always said the first thing that came to her mind no matter how stupid or off-topic. Yet somehow, when she did get fixated on an idea, she was somehow even worse as she would die first before she gave it up. That's how she managed to annoy him into teaching them all how to play Texas Hold'em Poker.
Her off-the-wall nature often gave Katsuki a headache.
Holy fuck, he just plain hated all of them. Each and every single one of them, and especially Shitty-Hair with his stupid secondary manipulation Quirk. They just wouldn't go away. No matter how many times he switched tables, exploded their faces, cursed, screamed, berated, ignored, or protested, the Three Stooges kept coming back with the same fucking smiles on their faces. On some deep, deep, irrelevant level Katsuki had to admire them for their shared tenacity of making his life hell, but that didn't make their presence any more or less welcome.
So, one day, Katsuki gave up. He gave up trying to purposely get them to fuck off. Clearly it wasn't working; in fact, it seemed to amuse the fuckers even more whenever he tried to leave their cult. So, he stopped trying. Oh, don't get him wrong, even if he wasn't intentionally trying to kick them out of his life, eventually, he would piss them off enough to make them walk out the front door by themselves. After all, no matter how stupid, masochistic, or oblivious they are, eventually, whatever sick, comedic joy they got from seeing him squirm would dry up. They would leave, and the world would go back to how it was meant to be.
All Katsuki needed to do was be, one, himself, and two, patient.
However, after a while, being around the Three Stooges constantly for lunch and training became... tolerable. In that, he became numb to their stupid faces and obnoxiously loud personalities. He still fucking hated them, and whenever they were around his heart cringed, his stomach churned, and he got the overwhelming urge to punch them all in the face, but they were manageable... Until, on what was supposed to be a random, normal-ass lunch period, with normal dumbass conversations held by top tier dumbass people, Katsuki was once again proven wrong, because who the fuck cares anymore…
Shitty-Hair had been babbling in his ear about how upset he was that he didn't get Crimson Riot as his hero for their final report in Heroes History Class like a goddamn wimp. Everyone had to pick a paper out of a hat, each paper holding one of the twenty most important and influential heroes that ever walked the Earth, and whoever each student got, they got. They weren't allowed to switch with anyone for any reason, which is why Shitty-Hair was so upset. But, even so, Shitty-Hair had no reason to complain. So fucking what if he didn't get the hero he wanted? He got fucking All Might! The easiest hero in the world to write a report on! All Katsuki got was some fucker no one had ever heard of named the Barbaric Hero: King. Even stupid Deku got The Godfather of Modern Heroism, yet somehow he got nothing!
Lucky bastards, Katsuki thought grumpily.
"You don't understand, man!" Shitty-Hair whined for the tenth time when Katsuki told the fucker to shut the hell up already. "Crimson is the reason I wanted to come to UA! And he's the reason I did come to UA! I could talk about him for hours!"
Katsuki scoffed dismissively, despite being jealous that he didn't get All Might as his hero but Shit-Hair did.
"I'm really sorry, dude," Soy-Sauce told the depressed, pouting redhead with a pat on the head. Ironically, he was the one who got Crimson Riot as his hero, and it pissed both Shit-Hair and Katsuki off. Not that Katsuki gave a damn about the hero like the redhead, but he would trade 'King' for the man who co-founded UA Academy any day of the week as well. "If I had the choice I would switch with you... if it makes you feel any better."
In response, Shitty-Hair muttered a dejected "Thank, man… But, if there is literally anything you need to know about Crimson Riot you can totally ask me!"
Soy-Sauce's high-off-his-rocker grin stretched at Shit-Hair's eye-sparkling enthusiasm. He nodded, "Oh, I'm counting on it. Trust me, dude."
"At least all you fuckers have people you can ask about," Katsuki grumbled bitterly as he stabbed a dumpling with a chopstick. "Even Raccoon-Eyes has someone people know, but who do I get? A D-lister no ones ever fucking heard of!"
Shitty-Hair scowled, then carefully nudged him with his leg as a sign to calm down. Katsuki wished he'd stop doing that, it made his skin all tingly, and it never worked anyway.
Meanwhile, Raccoon-Eyes hummed under her breath. She had been looking down at her phone in hand and scrolling through article after article on the internet for general information on her own hero: Rosa Whip.
"You got King, right?" Raccoon-Eyes asked as she opened up a 56th tab. Katsuki responded with a simple grunt, willing to take literally any information from anyone, even if they just so happened to be the dumbest person he ever met.
"I think I've heard of him before." She muttered mostly to herself.
"Oh, yeah?" Soy-Sauce asked, feigning interest.
"Yeup! But I think he's old school… and dead." After a beat, Raccoon-Eyes nodded, still looking down at her phone, "Yeup! He's dead. He had a heart attack a few years back. He was kinda old. I saw it on the news."
"That's so sad," Shitty-Hair deflated sadly, like a kicked puppy dog. Meanwhile, Katsuki glowered, feeling even more unsatisfied with his hero. He didn't give a damn about respecting the dead. The fucker could've died at the age of twenty-one in a plane crash into a volcano during a hurricane and it wouldn't make him feel sorry for the guy. All he cared about was what King could have possibly done to wind up among the twenty most important Heroes in Professional Heroism if the only reason anyone recognized his name was that he fucking died.
What the shit am I going to do, Katsuki grumbled to himself while shoveling another mouthful of rice into his mouth.
Unfortunately, at that very unlucky moment, Raccoon-Eyes decided it was the perfect fucking time to excitedly exclaim, whilst staring intensely down at her phone, "OOOOOOOOOO! Guys! Guys! King totes looks just like Bakugou!" Forcing Katsuki to suck in a breath and choke on his food
While he was busy coughing up his lungs, Raccoon-Eyes eagerly showed Soy-Sauce and Shitty-Hair a photo she stumbled across of the old-school hero. Instantly, both boys burst out laughing hard enough to form tears.
"He does!" they shouted together, sounding so infectious they dragged Raccoon-Eyes into their hysterical laughing fit.
When Katsuki finally stopped dying he snatched Raccoon-Eyes' phone right from her outstretched hand to look for himself, only for his eyebrows to furrow, and his bitter scowl to deepen into an offended sneer.
The old-school Hero once upon a time was a large, muscular man with long black dreadlocks and tan skin wielding a heavy double-edged battle-ax. His scar-littered face was twisted in a sadistic sharp-toothed grin, and there was a hellish fire in his eyes that leaked passionate determination and pride. His chest was completely bare if you didn't count the dozens of tattoos or the long red cape with a white fur stole hanging off his shoulders.
If you hadn't figured it out yet, Katsuki looked nothing like King and vice versa. In fact, King had more similarities to Shitty-Hair, so clearly the Stooges needed their goddamn eyes checked.
"What the fuck! This D-Lister looks nothing like me!" Katsuki shouted and haphazardly threw the phone back onto the table as if the phone burned him.
"Yeah, he does!" Soy-Sauce gasped through his laughter while clutching his stomach.
Katsuki growled, flushing tomato red.
Fuck... they're doing it again...
"You could be twins!" Raccoon-Eyes giggled into her hands.
Okay, now I know you've all lost your mind, Katsuki thought, as if it would stop their phantom hands from reaching out in vain attempts to grab the things inside his chest.
"It's the face!" Shitty-Hair concluded, falling to the side to lean on Katsuki's shoulder. His face stained with joyful tears. "You make the same face when fighting!"
They always do this.
Katsuki pushed the idiot away like the redhead was a spider on his shoulder, disgusted and hot all over. His heart pounding against his ribs.
"That doesn't mean we look alike, you morons!" Katsuki protested, causing the second round of breathless laughter.
"Yes, it does!" The three howled in unison.
Why do they keep doing this?
No matter how much he thrashed and protested they always, always did this. Shitty-Hair always grabbed the damned thing inside his chest and whispered fake promises and dumb ideas into his ear. Soy-Sauce and Raccoon-Eyes were always there outside the gates of whatever thing they wanted to touch; waiting, prowling, begging, and muttering their own false promises in the case that maybe Katsuki would stupidly fall for their lies. He never did though, no matter how tempting, because he wasn't a dumbass.
After all, he had no reason to believe their bullshit. He hated them: hated when Shitty-Hair touched him.
Hated when Soy-Sauce gave him his stereotypical awkward, lazy half-smile.
Hated when Raccoon-Eyes made a heart shape out of her hands and pointed it in his direction.
Hated that they made him believe that maybe… just maybe…
No! It didn't fucking matter! Goddamnit, he wasn't falling for their repulsive tricks! Did they think he was stupid? He hated them! Hated that Shitty-Hair wasn't afraid of him! Hated it!
He hated that Soy-Sauce always stole his almond cookie!
He hated that Raccoon-Eyes convinced him to teach the table Texas Hold'em Poker!
He hated that Shitty-Hair was his sparring partner!
All he wanted was for them to leave him alone! Because no matter how stupid, masochistic, or oblivious they were, eventually they were gonna get sick and tired of his shit and leave! So might as well get the inevitable over with already, right?! Leave him for dead after all the dumbassery that he somehow got used to! That he was starting to kinda enjoy! Might as well just get the part he hated most about them over with! They weren't Pops! They were going to leave and he fucking hated them for it, god-fucking-damnit!
Katsuki's entire body flushed at his dramatic and sickening realization. His body rigged as a statue while Raccoon-Eyes and Shitty-Hair were still desperately grasping for any ounce of oxygen, and Soy-Sauce was scrolling through pictures of King on Raccoon-Eyes' phone, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
Katsuki hated them... but he didn't want them to leave.
There wasn't a person alive on earth who could tolerate Katsuki and his shit personality —except his father but Pops was fucking Pops— left alone three. Katsuki knew that. He wasn't a fucking idiot! Yet… somewhere along the line he fell for the fake promises whispered in his ears and grew attached to their presence without even noticing it. He'd grown fond of their teasing, and their ugly smiles, and endless looping debate over whether or not 'The Chicken and The Road' joke was actually funny.
He tolerated them.
Katsuki's heart pounded on his mind's front door that lied between his ears, panicking as it cried for answers on what to do.
He never had to… this wasn't… never...
Katsuki didn't sign up for this shit! A few hours of training a few days a week with one spiky-haired redhead, that's what he agreed to. 'Friendship' was not part of the deal! It was stupid and difficult in the worst way possible! It wasn't challenging like becoming the Greatest Hero! It wasn't frustrating like learning a new Quirk technique! It was just plain complicated: nothing but chance and luck and guessing and feelings and everything else that made Katsuki want to vomit. That's why he didn't have friends because no matter how hard he tried to be the best fucking 'friend' in the entire goddamn world, just one mistake was all it took for there to be no more friendship.
Katsuki's clenched fists began to slightly tremble.
He couldn't do this.
He had to figure out a way to get these fuckers away from him. Some way to drive them off. Who gives a crap if it was considered self-destructive? Fucking, useless friendship was the one and only thing in the world Katsuki was willing to admit he couldn't handle! There had to be a way to cut these puppet strings once and for all!
It had been a long ass while since he truly tried to get his tablemates to fuck off, but now that he knew a little more about these fuckers he could hit them where it really hurts. Things that within minutes would have them all stomping off without looking back.
It was foolproof. He just needed to figure out what to say… something like—
"Not going to lie," Soy-Sauce said to no one in particular, abruptly cutting off Katsuki's train of thought before it could go any further. "King seems pretty awesome, dude. I'd switch for him if I could, and seriously, Bakugou, this guy is basically you. If he didn't die only a few years back I'd totally think you were his reincarnation."
Katsuki 'tched' on instinct, replying bitterly, "Shut the fuck up, Soy-Sauce. No one asked for your goddamn opinion."
Soy-Sauce chuckled lightly to himself, "Just because no one asked doesn't make it any less true." He looked to the side at Shitty-Hair and Raccoon-Eyes who were sprawled against the table and panting heavily from their hysterical laughing fits. They looked high as fucking kites.
"Right, guys?" Soy-Sauce asked them cheekily, not expecting a response.
"I'm going to fucking kill you," Katsuki growled, seeing Soy-Sauce's lazy half-smile already gleaming with mischief.
"Dude, you're nailing the insults today! I think I only counted five 'fucks' in your last three sentences!"
"Die, you bastard!"
"You know, you say that—what? Everyday? And yet, weirdly enough," Soy-Sauce smirked as he patted the area directly over his heart. "I'm still alive."
Katsuki fumed, steam shooting out of his mouth and nose like an angry bull.
Soy-Sauce was so infuriating; never ever missing an opportunity to stand toe-to-toe with Katsuki and make fun of his every move. It didn't even matter how Katsuki reacted, the bastard's lazy half-smile and sleepy eyes never wavered. It was annoying. It was tedious. It was bullshit! And it was… really refreshing.
Katsuki forced himself to look away and down at the table, angry and embarrassed to admit that Soy-Sauce wasn't… all that bad. He had balls, and a mouth, and didn't apologize for showing them off. They were probably the reasons why the rest of class 1A kept him at a distance, and Soy-Sauce had to know it, and Katsuki begrudgingly had to admit he... respected him for it. After spending his entire life surrounded by people who either kissed the ground he walked on like his Yes-Man from Jr. High or looked down on him with exasperated annoyance like Ma, having someone who wasn't afraid to push back against his violent tongue felt... nice.
And with that admission came Soy-Sauce's phantom hands, seizing forward fast as lightning from their hovered positions over the thing inside Katsuki and snatching it. It wasn't the same as what Shitty-Hair grabbed every day with just a smile, it was just ever slightly different. A thread. A string. Something to yank and pull and twist. Something that wanted to be forced out of its spot.
Katsuki closed fists shook violently in front of him.
He needed to get rid of these fuckers, now. Not the next day. Not within five minutes. Not by the next class period. Now. Before this shit got any worse, he needed to end this goddamn friendship.
A few insults towards Soy-Sauce's weight and build. A subtle remark on how he looked like he smoked a pound of pot before every class. Those things always ticked him off without fail.
If he said something like—
"Hey, Bakugou!" Raccoon-Eyes, finally having recovered from her laughing fits, clapped her hands a few times directly in front of Katsuki's face and snapped him out of his daze. He glared up at her leaning across the table, not bothering to hide how pissed off he was. She didn't seem to notice or care if she did as she happily exclaimed, "For Halloween, you should totes dress up as King! You'd win the best costume contest for sure!"
Holy shit we're still on this shitty ass topic? Katsuki silently groaned to himself, feeling a headache slowly emerge from behind his eyes.
"Fuck off, Raccoon-Eyes, there is no way in hell I'm doing that shit," he snapped at her.
Now, back to figuring out how to get them to fu-
"Yeah, Mina!" Shitty-Hair interrupted the conversation and Katsuki's thought process, also having recovered from his near-death by laughter. "Bakugou's dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf this year!"
"He is?!" Raccoon-Eyes gasped, surprised but excited.
"I'm what?!" Katsuki shot up from his seat to lord over Shitty-Hair sitting next to him. Forget fucking getting rid of them for a hot minute, since when was he planning on dressing up as the Big Bad Motherfucking Wolf?!
Shitty-Hair had the fucking audacity to grin, "We're going as a pair, remember? I'm gonna be Little Red Riding Hood! It's gonna be totally manly!"
No, he, in fact, did not remember hearing this bastardized plan. Last he checked he wasn't dressing up for the stupid holiday at all.
"I never agreed to that shit!"
"That's so cute~!" Raccoon-Eyes cooed, with Shitty-Hair nodding along enthusiastically with her statement. "Then next year Bakugou should dress up as the Barbaric Hero: King!"
"No way!"
"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Shitty-Hair nodded. "We should all dress as heroes next year or something!"
"OOO! You're a genius, Kiri!"
"Don't fucking ignore me!"
Raccoon-Eyes turned to Katsuki —a flushed, shaking, and enraged man—, and dared to smile. Then, pat his head like a fucking dog.
Let it be known, that the explosion that followed was clearly not his fault.
Raccoon-Eyes was so frustrating. She was so stupid, simple-minded, and easily obsessed over the most random things. To hell what the other person's feelings are, if she said you were going to do twenty jumping jacks, you were doing twenty jumping jacks. If she said you were dressing up as the Barbaric Hero: King for Halloween, to fuck with it, you were dressing as the Barbaric Hero: King for Halloween. It irritated him. It pissed him off.
It was fucking glorious.
Katsuki was seconds away from tearing his own hair out so he could stop it with these stupid thoughts.
So what if after spending most of his fucking childhood working his ass off to be the best hero that ever existed it felt nice to have someone around who could offset his own simple-minded determination and force him to actually relax? To have some goddamn fun every once and awhile? Someone who sat your ass down with a pat on the head and told you to just go with the flow? Go with whatever she said? No matter how ridiculous or random or off-topic? It didn't fucking matter. It didn't fucking matter that it felt good.
Except it did.
It fucking did, because with his crumbling resolve came Raccoon-Eyes' awaiting phantom hands. She grabbed a rusty chain, and twirled it between her fingers and around her wrist. She spun, tugged, and lightly pulled at it, wanting to ease it out instead of yanking it.
He couldn't do this.
He couldn't. He just couldn't! Friendship was so annoyingly tedious! It wasn't worth it!
Raccoon-Eyes was easy to get rid of. A few jabs about her obvious crush on an equally obvious gay man with shitty red hair. A bit of shit towards her horrible, horrible fashion sense.
If he said—
"No way!" Katsuki cursed the world for breaking his train of thought with Raccoon-Eyes' shitty shrieks.
What now?! He thought as he looked up to see the Three Stooges glaring at each other.
"I refuse to support that stupid joke!" Raccoon-Eyes humphed and crossed her arms, cheeks puffed up indignantly.
"It's not stupid! It's a masterpiece!" Shitty-Hair defended vigorously, offended.
"The setup is a masterpiece, the original punchline is shit," Soy-Sauce said calmly with a stuck-up air around him.
Raccoon-Eyes cried blasphemy and started ranting about how obviously wrong they were. The 'Chicken and Road' joke wasn't funny, ever.
Katsuki fought the urge to facepalm. It always circled back to the stupid debate on that one stupid joke, didn't it?
How did they even get on this subject…. Again? How? When? Why? He'd probably never know.
Although… it was endearing.
Katsuki cringed in on himself with that thought.
He was losing his fucking mind thanks to these morons. They needed to go away.
The bell rang throughout the mumbling cafeteria, causing a collective groan from all students present to chorus throughout the room. Then, on cue, chairs scraped against tiles, people began shuffling around, lunch trays clanked against each other, papers rustled, and textbooks slammed shut as everyone got ready to head back to class.
Raccoon-Eyes and Soy-Sauce themselves were too engrossed in their debate to realize the bell had rung. So, Katsuki took the opportunity to leave as quickly as a bullet to throw away his leftover food. Yet, right at his heels, was of course Shitty-Hair. The puppet master. The one who followed him around like a lost puppy and whispered the loudest in his ear. The worst one out of the three, and the hardest to get rid of, but not impossible.
A little comment about his quirk. A slight poke at Shitty-Hair's sensitive past...
Katsuki set his food tray, bowl, and cup on top of one of the many carts around the cafeteria, and Shitty-Hair followed right after. It was familiar. It was comforting.
Katsuki wanted to bang his head against the wall. This was the worst lunch period he ever had in his entire life, and someone was going to pay for it.
On the way back to the table, Katsuki thought of things to say that would get his 'friends' to never come back. They were harsh, downright cruel, but Katsuki didn't care.
He couldn't do it.
Friendship wasn't-
Shitty-Hair came up behind and clapped Katsuki hard on the back. Another thing he did every day without fail, always after lunch, when the two lesser Stooges weren't paying attention to them. Something not unlike a secret between the two. Katsuki still wasn't used to it even though he did it all the time, so it still managed to catch him off guard more times then he cared to admit.
"This was fun," Shitty-Hair said cheerfully with an intoxicating smile. Katsuki glanced at the redhead, flustered and wide-eyed as the thing inside his chest finally snapped out of its place.
Shitty-Hair turned back to Soy-Sauce and Raccoon-Eyes, still smiling, and instantly jumped right back in the debate that had only gotten more heated since they left. Leaving Katsuki to lose himself in his thoughts for the final time.
If Soy-Sauce was carefreely blunt, and Raccoon Eyes was stubbornly fun, then Kirishima Eijirou was unwaveringly loyal. He was always in step with Katsuki; constant, consistent, never once so much as uttering a single complaint whenever Katsuki ran ahead at full speed without warning. Yet, he didn't mindlessly follow Katsuki, either, just because he was powerful. No, he spoke out, he told him off, he forced him to take different paths, but he still stuck by his side and never abandoned him.
After spending his entire life around backstabbers and suck-ups who only cared for his powerful Quirk and gossiped about him behind his back growing up, having someone like Shitty-Hair made Katsuki's walls fall faster than Goliath. Kirishima Eijirou wasn't a puppet master forcing him to dance to his tune, he was a guide leading him up a mountain Katsuki had never wanted to climb. Somehow, someway, he had eased and carefully guided the prickly rope inside Katsuki's chest right out. Just in time to deliver the final blow to Katsuki's fucking sanity.
Kirishima, along with Katsuki's two overzealous travel companions, Sero Hanta and Ashido Mina, together, broke him.
Katsuki couldn't do it.
He couldn't do what needed to be done to get rid of them because he wouldn't let himself. They had expertly wormed their way into Katsuki's life and stole different pieces of his heart like fucking thieves. Which idiot had which piece, Katsuki needed another month to figure it out, but they had them; whether they knew it or not, and now Katsuki was indefinitely weak to their collective stupidity.
Katsuki looked up at the Three Stooges who were at each other's throats, pointlessly fighting over the dumbest topic he had ever heard of, and he thought back to when he was ten-years-old, and how Pops said that weaknesses were impossible to completely get rid of. All you could do is work your ass off to make them so small they become irrelevant or harder to see. These idiots were like weaknesses, in that he wasn't going to get rid of them anytime soon, yet they were different in that they were destined to destroy him from the inside out. He was going to regret this decision, that much was fact… and yet…
Katsuki's chest hurt, but in a good way. His stomach churned, but it was light. He wanted to punch them all in the face, but not really.
Apparently, this was friendship.
And maybe he was sick of thinking in terms of "weak" and "strong" all the time.
Maybe he wanted to forget, just this once.
Maybe he didn't actually hate this 'friendship' thing, at least for now.
Katsuki stepped forward, injecting himself into the Three Stooges circle, and clapped Kirishima hard on the back.
Then, Katsuki said something that had them all gawking, shocked and surprised because he never once participated in their debate, not even to say a smartass comment. However, not a second later, they all burst into the widest grins Katsuki had ever seen upon their stupid, stupid faces.
The Three Stooges had the things inside his chest: the messy pieces of his heart, for better or worse.
Hopefully better. Probably worse.
Katsuki said, "Oi, the chicken crossed the road to get away from your shitty ass debate. Now shut the hell up, I'm not being late to class because of you fucking morons."
Authors Notes:
I have A LOT of things to say about this chapter so I'll try to go fast
I really like this chapter. It went through 2 rewrites and like 4 edits until I was satisfied, so I hope you enjoyed and it got across what I needed to.
The Bakusquad Beta Has Officially Form! XD If you're wondering when Denki comes into play... just wait. He's has a major role in the story, but later on.
Random Notes:
In my very first draft of the story I needed a really dumb argument for the Squad to be weirdly obsessed about, and I mulled on what it should be for almost two days until I saw some show/cartoon that mentioned "Why did the chicken cross the road?" And I suddenly wondered why the original punchline was meant to be funny so I googled it and apparently the reason why is because its the embodiment of 'anti humor'. With a setup like that, people come up with dozens of punchlines that should be funny, but the punchline that's not funny, winds up being the funniest upon first hearing it because no one expects it. But sense everyone knows it, the joke is ruined. And *bam* lightbulb moment.
Crimson Riot being the co-founder of UA academy is a headcanon I completely pulled outta my ass. I just thought it was weird Kirishima wanted to go to UA so badly to the point where he put his entire career on going there. He had to have a reason right? And it led me to multiple conclusions but I loved the idea that Crimson founded the school so I ran with it. It also made the most sense, to me, why Crimson would be in a 'Book of Heroes'. He needs to be famous for some reason, right? It's a headcanon that won't age well, I know, but idc it's my fanfic I'll do what I want.
Yes, the Barbaric Hero: King is 100% based off Katsuki's fantasy self. No, they don't physically look like alike, at all. The Squad said they did because they give off the same sort of 'energy' that to them they might as well be the same person (like the office meme!)
If your wondering what the pieces each squad Member has. Look no further than here. Sero has respect. Ashido has loyalty. And Kirishima has trust. (Yes I know, fellow kiribaku-ers, I know I said implied Kiribaku on AO3 but 1) I don't think bakugou would like kiri yet until kamino, 2) When I said implied I *meant* it. And 3) if you want to say it's love, go ahead, I won't stop you.)
I debated for about a week on what to title this chapter: 'The Chicken and Road Joke', 'The Things in his Chest,' or 'The Three Stooges'. I eventually put it to a vote amongst my friends and well you know which one won. XD
Next chapter and possibly all future chapters will be taking 3 weeks because of rewrites among other issues. Thank you for understanding.
Next Update Will Be On: Saturday - October 31st, American Time
-Kayla