"Mummy! Wake up!"
Ginny Weasley was woken up to someone jumping up and down on her bed.
"Good morning Jamie." She said to her two- no, three year old son.
"Morning mummy!" He said, still jumping up and down. "Guess who's birthday it is?"
"Hmm..." She said. "I don't know? Is it Aunt Hermione's birthday?"
"No." He stopped jumping. "It's not Aunt 'Mione's birthday."
"Oh it's not?" Ginny said. The toddler shook his head vigorously.
"Wait a second..." Ginny smiled. "It's my son's birthday. Have you seen him anywhere?"
"I'm right here!"
"Come here you!" She grabbed him and started tickling him. She kissed his cheek.
"I'm this many." He put up three fingers.
"Yes you are, you're a smart little boy."
"That's because I'm old now." He said.
"Well, wise James Sirius," She said. "Why don't you go and colour, and I'll get breakfast ready for you."
"Okay mummy." He said and jumped off the bed. "Can you make pancakes?"
"Of course."
He happily skipped out the room. Ginny smiled at his messy hair. It was so messy but that's how she liked it, it was exactly like-
No. Stop that, today's suppose to be a happy day.
She put her hair in a messy bun and walked out her room, towards the kitchen. When she got there she saw James sitting at the kitchen table with his colouring book, colouring all over the page. He didn't care about the lines, he just coloured where he could. Unfortunately that also meant the walls.
He was a little trouble-maker just like his uncles and namesakes.
She turned on the stove and started making the pancakes. She opened the refrigerator and saw that they were almost out of eggs. She grabbed the grocery list from the drawer and added eggs to it. The list was getting really long, she didn't know how she was going to afford it all.
She shook that thought out of her head, she would worry about it later, she really couldn't have a break down in front of James. She finished with the pancakes.
She served the pancakes and James immediately started eating. Ginny rolled her eyes and sat down to eat. She heard someone apparate into the living room.
"Hey Ginny, James."
"Aamt 'Miwny." James said with a mouth full of food.
"James, don't eat with your mouth open!" Ginny scolded.
"Sowwy." He said, mouth still filled with food.
"So much like Ron." Hermione said.
"I know." Ginny replied.
"You know," Hermione sat down next to James. "He would love this little guy. He's great with Victoire and Teddy."
"Hermione, we're not doing this again." Ginny said.
"Ginny-"
"No. Okay?" Ginny said. "If he meets any of the family, he will know. I don't want him to know."
"Ginny, he's his father."
"No he is not!" Ginny snapped. "He is not his father. James is my son, not his."
"Mummy?" James stopped eating to look at his mother. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine honey."
He got off his table and climbed on Ginny's lap. "It's okay, I make it better."
She hugged him close to her body. "Thank you sweetheart."
"I'm sorry Ginny." Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand. "I get where you're coming from."
"It's fine." Ginny brushed her off. "Come on, let's get you ready." She said to James.
"I'll get him ready." Hermione took James from Ginny's arms. "You go fix yourself up, you look terrible."
"Gee thanks." Ginny said sarcastically. She got up and went to the bathroom. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and hair. She went to her room and opened her dresser, picked out a pair of black leggings and a flannel shirt.
She got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked old, she felt old. Even though she was only twenty-two, she felt so much older.
She laughed bitterly. Here she was feeling horrible about herself, and he was out there. The only thing he had to worry about was who he woke up in bed with in the morning. All he had to worry about was getting drunk, while she was here, working as many jobs as she could to raise his- no, not his kid - her kid.
"I'm pregnant." Ginny said.
"What?" Harry said.
"I'm pregnant." She repeated.
"How? I mean, you used the charms didn't you?"
"Yes Harry," Ginny said. "But the charms don't always work."
"Shit."
"I know," She grabbed both of his hands. "But we'll figure it out, together."
He jerked his hands away. "I... I'm sorry, I can't."
"What?"
"I just need some time, I- I don't..." he trailed off.
"You've got to be kidding me." Ginny said.
"I'm sorry okay?" Harry said. "I don't know how to do this."
"Neither do I," Ginny said. "But we can learn."
"I- no." He started walking to the door.
"Harry Potter don't you dare walk out on me," Ginny said irritably.
"I just need some time."
"I swear to Merlin, if you walk out on me right now," she said. "I will never forgive you, ever."
"Ginny..."
"No, you know what?" She said letting her anger get the best of her. "Leave, just go. That's what you always do."
She pulled out her wand and apparated to her bedroom in the Burrow. As soon as she got there, collapsed against the wall and cried. The next day she packed her stuff, said goodbye to her family and got a small, cheep flat in New York City.
She never saw him again after that, well not in real life at least. She got the Daily Prophet which had photos of him with a new witch every week. Today it was a blonde beautiful witch who he was seen snogging outside a pub.
He sent her checks with a large amount of money on them every week but she always sent them back. She didn't need his money, she didn't need his money or him because he left when she did need him.
"Ginny! Ready to go?" Hermione called from the living room.
Ginny quickly brush away her tears. "Ye-" she tried saying but it came out as more of a sob. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, let's go."
She walked back out to the living room. "Ready?" She asked Hermione and James.
"Yup, I got my ball!" James picked up his football off the floor.
"Great, let's go." Ginny said with a smile.
"You okay?" Hermione asked her.
"I haven't been okay in almost four years," she replied still smiling. "But this guy makes it all worth it."
She picked up James and kissed his head.
She pulled her wand out and apparated to a secluded corner of Central Park. Hermione followed.
She put James down and grabbed his hand. They started walking on a small path that led to a bigger part of the park.
"Can I go play?" James asked.
"Sure," Ginny allowed. "But don't go too far."
He started kicking the ball ahead and running after it. Ginny smiled at her son.
"Molly's expecting you at the next dinner." Hermione said.
"When is it?" Ginny asked.
"Next month." Hermione replied. "July 31st."
Ginny chuckled. "No, I don't think I'll be able to make it."
"Okay."
"She knows it's his birthday." Ginny said quietly.
"I think that's why she does it." Hermione said. "Everyone can tell he misses you."
Ginny didn't answer, she kept looking at her son.
"Can I ask," Hermione said. "What are you planning on doing that's keeping you busy that day?"
"July 31st," Ginny said. "I'll probably be at home with my son."
James kicked his ball and it hit a man sitting on a bench.
"Sorry." He said to the man.
"It's okay." The man said.
Harry was looking down at the photo, he couldn't believe that was him in the photo. It was him and her, how it was always suppose to be like. When everything was perfect, he had to go and ruin it. Just like he ruined every good thing in his life. Now the woman he loved and his child were out there in the world and they didn't want anything to do with him.
A ball hit Harry's leg, he looked down and saw a little boy pick it up.
"Sorry." The boy said looking up at him. Harry's heart skipped a beat. A pair of beautiful brown eyes look up at him, a pair of eyes he thought he would never see again.
"It's fine." He choked up. "Where are your parents?"
"Mummy said she was behind me."
"Okay, what's you name?" Harry asked.
"Mummy said not to tell strangers my name."
"Well," Harry said. "How about I tell you my name and then you can tell me yours?"
"Okay."
"My names Harry James Potter."
"That's the same as my name, mummy likes to call me Jamie."
"And what does daddy call you?"
"I don't have a daddy. Mummy doesn't like him. She always cries when I ask about him, so I don't anymore because I don't like it when mummy is sad."
"James Sirius!" A voice Harry hadn't heard in almost four years, said. "How many times have I told you not to talk to strangers?"
"I'm sorry about him." Ginny said picking up her- their son. She had yet to see his face or else he would have been dead by now. "He likes talking to strangers, actually he just likes talking in general."
"It's fine." Harry said.
He saw her stiffen after hearing his voice. Hermione came up behind her.
"Oh." Hermione gave a little gasp.
"Hermione can you please take James home." It was more of an order than a question.
"Came here James." Hermione took him from Ginny.
"But I wanna play!"
"James you are going home!" Ginny raised her voice.
"Ginny-" Harry tried to intervene.
"Hermione take him home," Ginny said. "Now."
"Come on James," Hermione said again. Let's go, we can eat ice cream."
"Chocolate ice cream?" The kid - James - said. Harry smiled a little, that was his favourite kind of ice cream too.
"Sure,anything you want." Hermione pulled out her wand and apparated away.
"James Sirius?" Harry said before she could say anything.
"I named him after two incredible people who gave their lives for something incredibly important." She said. "Don't go thinking I did it for you."
"I'm sor-"
"Don't." Ginny said, still not showing any emotion. Shit. This was way worse. He could have taken any hex, any charm. Hell, he would have taken the killing curse.
"Don't touch my son again."
"He's my son too." Harry said.
"No, he's not." Ginny said. "You had your chance to be his father but you failed. I don't want you anywhere near him, because you leave. That's what you do every time, you leave and I know what it feels like when you leave. I don't want my son feeling that, he wouldn't be able to take it. I don't even know how I took it."
"Gin, I-"
"Don't call me that, you lost every right you had to call me that," she said. "Goodbye Harry."
Before he could say anything else, Ginny whipped out her wand and apparated away.
Ginny got home and saw Hermione and James eating ice cream in the kitchen.
"There you are!" Hermione got up and ran to her. "You didn't kill him, did you?"
"No," Ginny said. "I didn't kill him."
"I promise Ginny, I didn't tell him anything."
"I believe you Hermione." Ginny hugged her sister-in-law. "You should go now, Ron will be waiting for you."
"Are you sure? I can stay if you like." Hermione said.
"No, it's fine Hermione," Ginny said. "Go home."
"Okay, but you know where to find me if you need it."
"Thank you."
Hermione smiled at her and apparated away.
"Come James," said Ginny. "Let's get you ready for bed."
James just frowned, not looking at his mum. "Are you mad at me?" He asked.
"Oh James," Ginny kneeled next to his seat. "I could never stay mad at you."
She hugged the boy close to her body. "James Sirius Potter," she only Eve used his full name if he was in trouble, big trouble or when it was something very important. "I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter what. I might get a little angry at times but I still love, I'll always love you, always. Do you understand that?"
"I love you too mummy." He said and then yawned.
"Come on," Ginny said picking him up. "You've had a long day."
Harry sat down on the bench again. He had finally had his chance to make things better and he just fucked it up even more.
He remembered James' face, that was his son, he had a son. He knew the second he saw James, he would do anything for the kid. He fell in love with him and he had only just met him.
But she would never let him see his son again. And she was right, he did leave, he's the one who always left. She stayed every time waiting for him to come back and she never left. He loved her, he knew he loved her but did she even love him anymore? He wouldn't be mad if she didn't, after what he did, he didn't deserve any kind of love.
He knew he wanted things to change, he didn't want James to grow up without a father, he grew up like that and it was hell.
He pulled out his wand and apparated to the one place he might get some answers.
"Hermione?" He called.
"Hey mate," Ron said coming in from the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"
"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked.
"She went out, she isn't-" a pop came from behind them.
"What were you thinking?" Hermione said to Harry.
"You knew?" He ignored her question. "You knew where she was and you didn't tell me!?"
"Yes I knew and I'm glad I didn't tell you," Hermione said. "Harry you have to understand this, she can't even say your name anymore. She works as many jobs as she can to get a meal on the table."
"I tried to send her money, but she always sent it back."
"Harry it's not about the money," Hermione said. "She thinks of that money as charity and she doesn't need your charity."
"I just want to make it better, I want to make it better for both of them."
"What are you two on about." Ron said.
"Not now Ron," Hermione said.
"What about- what about him?" Harry asked hesitantly. "Does he know about me?"
Hermione shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry."
Harry sat down on the couch. "I fucked up."
Hermione sat down next to him and rubbed his back.
"Hermione I fucked up, i fucked up so badly. She hates me now."
"It's okay." Hermione said.
"No it's not! I fucked up everything!"
"Ron can you get some water?" Ron looked confused but went to get get it anyway.
"Hermione my son doesn't know I exist!"
"Harry," Hermione said. "She tries to put up this strong exterior for James, but on the inside she's hurting. She doesn't hate you, she's mad at you. She's really really mad at you but I know that somewhere deep down, she still loves you."
"Hermione I need your help," Harry asked. "I want to fix it, but I need your help."
Hermione hesitated at first. "I don't... I don't know if-"
"Please Hermione, I love her."
"Here." Hermione handed him and price of paper with an address on it.
Ginny took James to his room and sat him down on the bed. She pulled the covers over him and kissed his forehead.
"I love you."
"Good night, mummy." He said.
"Good night." She sat at the edge of the bed just staring at him. He was perfect in every single way.
Once she was sure that James was asleep, she walked out and closed his bedroom door behind her. She sat down at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands.
She thought back to what had happened today. How could he think it would be that easy? That she would just let him back in?
She was so mad at him, but she was also mad at herself because she almost broke. If she had spent one more minute with him, she would have broken. She would have let him back in. She would have been weak.
She started to sobbing. She quickly cast Muffliato on James' bedroom door so he wouldn't wake up because of her.
There was a knock at the door, she quickly cleared away her tears and went to the door. She opened it and there he was. Standing right in front of her.
"What? What do you want now?"
"You've been crying." He said. He walked in and shut the door behind him.
"Get out." Ginny said sternly.
"No." He said. "I'm not going anywhere."
Ginny just laughed bitterly.
"I'm not. I'm not leaving again."
"You know, this sounds really familiar," Ginny said. "Isn't that what you said last time? Or the time before that?"
"I'm going to stay this time, I promise."
"Fuck you and your fucking promises! You- you promised me you would love me! What happened?!" Ginny yelled.
"I was scared!" Harry snapped. "I was scared okay?! I had a horrible childhood, my uncle beat me up and locked me in a cupboard! I didn't know how to raise a kid, I didn't want to ruin a kid's life!"
"We could have learned, together! We could have helped each other learn, but instead you decided to leave!"
"I'm here now, I want to help."
"No, you don't get to do this!" Ginny said. "Not to me, and definitely not to James!"
"I love you."
SMACK!
Ginny slapped Harry straight across the face.
"No! NO! Don't lie to me!" Ginny said. "YOU DON'T HURT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE!"
"I love you." Harry repeated.
"I HATE YOU!" Ginny screamed. "I hate you!"
She started punching Harry in the chest. "I hate you, I hate that you make me feel like this! I hate you! I hate you for what you did!"
She started sobbing into Harry's chest. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I hate that after everything, I still can't stop loving you."
"I promise, I promise, I will never ever leave you," Harry said. "Never ever. I love you."
"I'm sorry, no." Ginny pulled back. She wiped her face.
"Ginny..."
"Leave." She opened the door gestured for him to leave. "Go. Go get drunk and sleep with another one of those witches that throws themselves at you."
"No, no I'm going to do that." Harry said. "I'm going to stay, for you, for our son."
"Up until a few hours ago you didn't even know if your child was a girl or a boy, you don't even know how old he was, you don't even know it was his birthday today."
"It's his birthday?"
"It's his birthday, he's three, he fucking three Harry!" Ginny said. "He's spent three years of his life without a father! I haven't gotten him a gift for a single one of his birthdays. I don't even have enough money for the groceries!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything I've done! I'm sorry. But I don't want him to grow up with a dad. I grew up like that and it was shit."
"Why did you do it? What did I do wrong?" Ginny asked.
"You never did anything wrong. I did everything, I ruined everything. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I fuck everything good thing in my life. My life is just a big mess." Harry said. "I was so scared Ginny, I thought that I would fuck up this kid's life, I never had a childhood so I thought that I couldn't raise a kid. Then there were so many of the death eaters still out there, trying to kill me and if they found out about him, I couldn't- no, I just..." he trailed off.
"I came to apologise to you the next day, I came to say sorry for what I did. I came to tell you I love you and that we could figure this out together. But you- you were gone."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve any love. I don't deserve to live, I should just die, I'm an idiot and I'm stupid, I never deserved you and your love. I don't deserve James, I don't deserve anything."
Ginny did something that surprised both of them she wrapped her arms around him, "Don't say that, don't you ever say that again!"
"I don't... I don't deserve to live, I hurt you so much-"
"Stop it! You deserve everything." Ginny said.
"I don't want everything, I just want you and I want my son. I would give anything to get you back." He said. "I'm sorry Ginny, I'm so sorry."
"I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you," Ginny said. "Not for what you did to me."
"I know, I don't deserve to be forgiven."
"Promise me you won't leave again." Ginny looked up at him. "Ever, don't leave me- us, ever again. I don't think I would be able to take it."
"I promise, I promise I won't leave you. I'm never going to leave you again." Harry said. "I would rather die than leave you."
"I promise." He said.