All's Fair in Love and Waffles
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Bloomsbury, Scholastics, Warner Bros., etc.
Summary: After staying up most of the night to study for her chemistry final exam, all Lily and her murderous stomach want to do is enjoy a delicious breakfast at the Leaky Cauldron. She did not expect to have to fight a fellow student just to sit at a table. But she'll do what she must.
Posted: 11/20/20
Exhausted didn't even begin to describe her. Disheveled. Certainly in part. Exhausted and disheveled combined? Undoubtedly. As one would expect to be after spending most of the hours that experts agreed were required for a good nights sleep studying instead. She - Lily Evans - reckoned she was running on about four hours of sleep but it would have to do because her exam was in an hour and her stomach was currently threatening legal action if she did not immediately provide it some nourishment.
Naturally her kitchen had been ransacked by herself and her roommates over the course of the last few days studying for the end of term final exams they were currently enduring. So without even wasting time and increasing frustration, she tore out of her flat and headed straight for The Leaky Cauldron, a hole in the wall diner at the corner of Hogwarts campus, fortunately extremely close to the building that housed her upcoming exam. Her roommate and friend Marlene kept talking about how delectable the waffles (most recent menu addition) were. She had to admit it was beyond enticing.
Even at the early hour of half eight, she knew the diner would be abuzz with activity and was unfortunately proved right as she slammed open the rickety door. Tom, the manager on duty, gave her a deservedly frosty stare as she did so. She couldn't blame him, it looked like it was one good smash away from coming off its hinges. She apologized profusely yet quickly - she loved The Leaky Cauldron and would never survive if she was denied patronage in the future. Tom grunted his acknowledgment of her apology and waved her onward.
She didn't need telling twice and immediately joined the queue, if it could be called such a thing only consisting of one group ahead of her. It was a fretful three minutes waiting for them to spot an open table and stake claim to it. Seating was limited and first come first serve. Every table was inhibited by Hogwarts University early risers, which she generally did not consider herself a part of despite her present predicament.
A few more minutes passed and Lily checked her watch between inaudible mumbles to her stomach that 'yes I know you're hungry. Food is coming as fast as possible' (based on its subsequent grumble it did not believe her). But then miraculously a small two-person table next to the window opened up and she rushed forward.
She crashed down into one of the seats - victorious at last - and noticed that the seat across from her suddenly became occupied as well. It took her a moment to properly see his face behind the large amount of limbs and shoulders that moved as he slammed into the seat. He had dark hair that stuck up in all directions as though he was recently caught in a fight with an overzealous blow-dryer. He eyed her quizzically through Buddy Holly-esque glasses.
"Excuse me, but I was here first," she told him matter-of-factly, before he even opened his mouth.
"I think you'll find it was a tie," he replied, seeming totally at ease.
"I'm not leaving," she said stiffly, almost daring him to contradict her.
"Well I'm not going either," the boy replied.
He too had spent most of the night awake as he crammed for his upcoming chemistry exam. He was unequivocally a morning person, but not-so-much a chemistry person. He looked undisturbed by their current predicament.
"Why don't you just wait for the next available table?" she asked.
"Why don't you?"
"Because I was here first. Standing just over there," she added, pointing a finger behind her.
"You can't know that. I came in the side entrance and never saw you." His stomach gave an angry rumble that she thankfully couldn't hear. "Besides, I'll have lost my good position in line." He nodded behind her, and she turned to look back around to see the queue which was nearly out the door.
She exhaled, overly annoyed at her scenario, for some (sleep-deprived) reason. "I could be meeting someone, y'know."
"Oh, are you?"
"Yes," she lied easily.
"Well, I am too."
"Then whoever's...companion gets here first, the other has to give up the seat."
"What if we order before either show up? Or would that be rude?" He threw an uneasy look at his watch; his exam was less than fifty minutes away now.
"Then the loser switches their meal to-go and goes," she answered simply.
"Fair enough."
He pulled his phone out of his pocket with deft hands, vaguely seeing her do the same though with less urgency than him. Shit. He knew Sirius was a lost cause before 9am generally, and Remus had another class on a different side of the campus, and Peter had loaded all of his classes on Tuesday and Thursday and most certainly was off working or helping his mum with something. But still he had to try (with hope that this would be one of those times he was pleasantly surprised) so he opened up the group chat.
Group chat: the (other) fab 4; 08:38 a.m.
Participants: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew
James Potter: are any of you gits awake yet?
James Potter: Guys
James Potter: Guts
James Potter: Guys*
James Potter: Guys
James Potter: Can you answer me already
Sirius Black: sry the recepent you are trying to reach is currently unavailable
James Potter: Padfoot you knobhead. A fake automated message? For shame.
Remus Lupin: Yeah, you didn't even try.
Sirius Black: hey you doubted it for a moment
James Potter: No
Remus Lupin: Very obviously fake.
Sirius Black: how so?
James Potter: GUYS
Remus Lupin: Well first off I don't think your mobile provider would spell Sorry 'sry'.
Sirius Black: stupid of them really. saves time
James Potter: GUYS
Remus Lupin: You do realize no one is manually typing these messages out, don't you?
Remus Lupin: Can you confirm you understand this?
James Potter: Hey
James Potter: HEY
Sirius Black: i meant faster to read ofc
Remus Lupin: Naturally.
James Potter: hellooooooo
Sirius Black: wut else you got
James Potter: HEEEEEEEYYYYY
Remus Lupin: Secondly you spelled recipient wrong.
James Potter: wtf guys
James Potter: I have a real problem here
Sirius Black: no one but you knows how to spell that
Sirius Black: nerd
James Potter: I swear I'm getting new friends
Sirius Black: moony is a nerd
Sirius Black: no you arent
Remus Lupin: Most people can spell a simple grade 7 word, Padfoot.
James Potter: you both suck
Sirius Black: whatever still think i win that point. anything else
James Potter: I am disowning you again, Padfoot
Sirius Black: low blow prongs, low blow
James Potter: Got you to acknowledge me. Will you at least LISTEN
Remus Lupin: Third reason has got to be obvious. Your automatic reply was delayed by a minute. It's literally called automatic.
Remus Lupin: Or do you need me to define that word for you as well, Pads?
James Potter: oisdjgasdjgaosgkpoek
Sirius Black: please do. slowly and in excruciating detail
Sirius Black: can i also have country of origin
Remus Lupin: Are we on the national spelling be now?
Remus Lupin: Hang on I'll Google it.
Remus Lupin: And really? Recipient is too hard but you can spell "excruciating"?
James Potter: You
James Potter: Both
Sirius Black: autocorrect
James Potter: Suck
James Potter: So
James Potter: Bad
Peter Pettigrew: WHAT THE FUCK GUYS
Sirius Black: hey pete nice of you to join us
Peter Pettigrew: 50 bloody messages what the fuck are you guys doing
Sirius Black: moony is telling me all the ways i am wrong
Remus Lupin: Pretty much.
Peter Pettigrew: standard Wednesday then
Remus Lupin: Pretty much.
James Potter: I NEED SOMEONE WHOEVRR IS CLOSEST TO THE LEAKY CAULDRON TK COME HRRE IMMEDIATELY FOR BREAKFAST YOU FUKCING WABKERS
Peter Pettigrew: shit Prongs no need to yell
Remus Lupin: Very rude.
Sirius Black: going to screenshot this and send it to mum
Peter Pettigrew: She will be distraught
Remus Lupin: Beside herself!
Sirius Black: well at least she has a replacement son lined up already
Remus Lupin: Silver-lining.
James Potter: I'm going to murder all three of you and make it look like an accident
Sirius Black: you cant write that in a text
Remus Lupin: You'll be convicted immediately based on this text alone.
Peter Pettigrew: Probably wouldn't even have a trial. Just throw you straight into prison
Sirius Black: i wont be visiting
Remus Lupin: Well of course not, you'll be dead.
Peter Pettigrew: Obviously he meant his ghost
Sirius Black: my GHOST remus
Sirius Black: hah twinsies
Peter Pettigrew: LOL
James Potter: Padfoot I am playing the brother card here. Please come for breakfast asap
Sirius Black: ugh fine. but yer buying my food
James Potter: FINE you mingy codger
Remus Lupin: Will you tell us why it's so important he come?
James Potter: There's a girl
Remus Lupin: *sigh*
Sirius Black: ...
James Potter: BROTHER
James Potter: CARD
Sirius Black: be there in 10
Exhaling finally, James put his phone down and eyed his companion again. She was rapidly clicking away on her own phone, thankfully oblivious to the annoyance that must have been plastered on his face during this drawn out text exchange with his friends. He began tapping his fingers unintentionally as he looked out the window. She caught his eye for the briefest of moments before turning her attention back to her phone.
Group chat: party planning committee; 08:43 a.m.
Participants: Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald
Lily Evans: Mary
Lily Evans: Mary I know your class ended approximately 13 minutes ago.
Lily Evans: Why aren't you answering me in my time of greatest need?
Lily Evans: Marlene?
Lily Evans: Wherefore art thou Marlene?
Marlene McKinnon: Can you give it a rest already?
Marlene McKinnon: And that reference makes NO SENSE BTW
Lily Evans: No I certainly cannot. I need one of you to come to the Leaky Cauldron straight away.
Lily Evans: Got you to answer so WIN.
Marlene McKinnon: Why?
Mary Macdonald: I am talking up Benji Fenwick outside of our creative writing class. Kindly sod off
Lily Evans: It's a long story with details you don't need to know. Just come join me for breakfast one of you. I know you are close Marlene!
Marlene McKinnon: 'Long story' is not a good enough reason to drag me out of the library. You know I have an exam this afternoon Lily! And another tomorrow.
Marlene McKinnon: Good for you Mary. He is fit
Lily Evans: I will buy you all the waffles you could ever want.
Lily Evans: Today and after exams are finished!
Lily Evans: This is your fault anyway. If you hadn't put the idea of waffles in my head I wouldn't be here right now.
Lily Evans: If you don't show up I will look like a total arsehole! I'll be forced out onto the stress without my waffles and my DIGNITY!
Lily Evans: THINK OF MY DIGNITY MARLENE.
Marlene McKinnon: Think your dignity left a while ago….
Marlene McKinnon: I'm going to eat every single waffle they sell.
Lily Evans: See you in 5?
Marlene McKinnon: You're lucky I love waffles
Lily Evans: And me.
Marlene McKinnon: Mostly the waffles
Lily Evans: I'll take it.
She let out a satisfied hmm, setting her phone down on the table with a thud. Her dark-haired companion turned to look at her as she did so.
"I wouldn't get too cozy. My friend will be here in about five," she said smugly.
"Hope she's faster than my mate then," he said, shrugging.
Before she could retort, one of the waitresses came bustling over to their - her table. "Sorry for keeping you waiting." Her eyes looked between them and lingered on the boy - James. "You again? I'll not have you trying to order 'all of the bacon and eggs' here like last week. No matter how much you insist you're on the latest Ron Swanson diet."
James grinned toothily at her. "C'mon 'Melia, that was a good laugh. And it brought you a crowd, if I remember correctly."
She broke into a smile at this, nodding despite herself. "Yes, yes, but still. Stick to the menu this time, will you?"
"Okay, okay," he agreed, taking the menu from her hand.
"Who is your friend here?"
"Oh, we're not friends. Adversaries, really. Rivals, if you will, for this fine table here."
Lily raised her eyebrow at this, finally catching the waitress eye as she was handed a menu. "Thank you, 'Melia was it?"
"Amelia. But this one likes nicknames."
James nodded with a small shrug of his shoulders. He eyed his watch: 08:50, still plenty of time for a quick breakfast before the exam. "We're going to just need a few minutes. Would you mind swinging back around in five for our orders?"
Amelia nodded, already making her way down the crowded diner to another patron who was flagging her down. As his unwitting companion began ruffling around in her bag, James unlocked his phone again.
Group chat: the (other) fab 4; 08:51 a.m.
Participants: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew
Peter Pettigrew: So what's the problem with the girl
Sirius Black: who knows it could literally be anything with prongs
Remus Lupin: I have to admit it is intriguing. He did play the brother card.
James Potter: Padfoot how close are you
James Potter: Like two minutes?
Sirius Black: be right there but im not coming inside unless you share your problem with the group
James Potter: FINE
James Potter: I sat down at the same table as this girl and she is trying to get me to leave.
James Potter: You know I can't leave because I have my exam and I NEED breakfast.
James Potter: THIS breakfast
James Potter: She said her friend is coming and she needs the seat. So I told her MY friend is coming and I need the seat.
Remus Lupin: That's… even worse that I thought it would be.
Peter Pettigrew: Why can't you just share the table
Sirius Black: ya whats she look like
James Potter: I don't know… pretty…. Really pretty. Red hair. Green eyes I think.
Peter Pettigrew: I REPEAT why don't you share the table
Remus Lupin: Wormtail has a fair point. Why wouldn't you rather sit with a pretty girl instead of having to stare at Padfoot's ugly mug?
Sirius Black: harsh but fair
Remus Lupin: How about you stop texting us and actually talk to the pretty girl?
Sirius Black: now theres an idea
James Potter: BROTHER CARD PADFOOT
Lily who hadn't needed the time to look over the menu, took that moment to pull out her chemistry book for another quick perusal ahead of their exam. She found it hard to concentrate with her diner partners loud tapping on his phone, so when it stopped her eyes were drawn up to him.
"Bit of light reading with breakfast? You in Slughorn's class?" he asked, nodding to her textbook. "I was up most of the night studying for his final. I've got it in about half an hour."
She locked eyes with him. "Me too. Are you doing a science major?"
"Engineering," he said, shrugging again. "Pretty good with numbers, not so good with the periodic table it turns out. But it's a smart career move, I suppose."
"You sound as though there's something you'd rather be doing." This small talk was easy, and distracting. He'll be caught off balance when Marlene shows up, Lily found herself thinking.
"My true love is football. But I'm not…y'know destined to be drafted by Puddlemere any time soon."
She laughed, digging into her bag. "Good thing. 'Cause then I'd be forced to cheer for a sod like you." She brandished her keys near him, showing off a keychain with the Puddlemere logo on it.
He laughed too, sliding into his jacket pocket and pulling out a bobble hat in Puddlemere colors. "Happy to meet a fellow fan."
She smiled appreciatively too. "You're one of the first I've met here, if you can believe it. My friend Marlene roots for Chelsea."
He scoffed, just the right level of offended for her. "So does my mate Sirius."
She paused, eyebrows rising. "Sirius? Sirius Black, d'you mean?"
He looked at her curiously. "Yeah, Sirius Black. Wait… hang on, did you say Marlene? Marlene McKinnon?"
She nodded. "Yeah. She's my roommate."
"That makes you… Lily? Or Mary? Though I thought I may have met Mary before. So Lily? I'm James. James Potter."
She laughed. "I've heard about you before. I should have put two and two together with the Puddlemere. Marlene mentioned she thought I had a class with one of Sirius' friends."
"Ready to order yet?" Amelia asked, coming back to the table with a small notepad primed for writing.
James looked at his watch. "We'd better. I'll have The Grindylow - where did Tom come up with these names? - eggs over easy, extra bacon, and two waffles with strawberries and whipped cream."
"That sounds delicious," Lily complimented. "I'll have the same, please."
"I'll put that right in," Amelia said before hurrying away.
"I came here for the waffles," she told James. "Marlene told me they just added some to the menu and I've been craving it ever since."
"Like Leslie Knope."
Lily laughed. "Sure like Leslie Knope, but with fewer binders and no Ben Wyatt."
He considered this for a moment but decided not to read too far into it. "Well Leslie didn't meet Ben until the end of season two so I think you've got some time." He smiled broadly at her and she smiled back, adversaries and table rivals no longer it seemed. In unison they both quietly grabbed their phones.
Group chat: party planning committee; 09:03 a.m.
Participants: Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald
Lily Evans: Crisis averted. Offer for lifetime supply of waffles has been rescinded.
Marlene McKinnon: They have to-go boxes.
Group chat: the (other) fab 4; 09:03 a.m.
Participants: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew
James Potter: Problem is… no longer a problem
James Potter: Your company is no longer required, Padfoot
Sirius Black: good because im still in bed you giant git
"Well it looks like Marlene isn't going to make it," Lily announced, setting her phone back on the table.
"Same for Sirius, turns out. I guess it was a good thing we just went ahead with our orders, yeah?"
"Guess you're right about that one." She couldn't help her smile from growing wider as they started eating at their table.
"So how do you like Slughorn?" he began, as Amelia came into view with their plates.
Group chat: operation 'lames'; 09:04 a.m.
Participants: Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew
Sirius Black: contact has been made, eagle one
Marlene McKinnon: YESSSSSS
Marlene McKinnon: That was almost too easy
Marlene McKinnon: And who the fuck is eagle one
Marlene McKinnon: Must you reference parks n rec every day
Sirius Black: yes
Remus Lupin: Yes.
Peter Pettigrew: Dibs on 'eagle two'
Remus Lupin: Don't get him started, Wormtail.
Marlene McKinnon: Yes please don't
Sirius Black: fk you all. i am going back to bed
Peter Pettigrew: Treat yo self
Sirius Black: damn fucking right wormtail