Chapter Four

The rain had eased off in the night and the morning broke with a weak, watery sun. Nikki shivered as she pulled her hoody around her, fiddling with the sleeves as she walked across the damp tarmac.

"So what was for dinner last night?" Jack said, striking up a gentle conversation

"Macaroni cheese," Nikki shrugged "Emily wasn't happy."

Jack chuckled softly "At least you ate something. You need the energy,"

Nikki shrugged again

"How'd it go with Doctor Redford yesterday?" he asked quickly

Nikki paused for a moment and looked up at the Irishman "You already know how it went," she said sensing something in his tone

Jack sighed before nodding "She told me you walked out. Why?"

The question was direct. It caught her off guard "She likes to push buttons. She's playing games,"

"She's not playing games Nikki. She's trying to get you to open up, to help you,"

"I don't need help," she said stubbornly

"Remember what you told me in Accident and Emergency? You told me you felt out of control, that you wanted this all to stop so you could get back to being Nikki," Jack said

"I wasn't myself," Nikki reasoned

"Too right you weren't!" Jack whistled low "I've never seen you like that Nikki, that day in the cutting room, and I never want to again,"

"But Doctor Redford isn't helping," Nikki protested

"You're not letting her help. I know you've had a bad run in with psychiatrist's in the past, but that was the past. This is a different doctor, a different diagnosis. Post-traumatic stress disorder and depression is-"

"I do not have those things!" Nikki snapped and Jack was taken back by the sudden change in tone. Doctor Redford has told him this was a common reaction in people who had suffered trauma but it still shocked him when it happened "Sorry," she apologised

"You don't have to apologise," he said "You're not well. After all you've been through you of all people should be allowed to shout and scream all you want,"

"But not at you," she sighed taking a seat on a nearby bench "I know you were just trying to help but I can't be here Jack,"

"I know," he said sitting down next to her "But this is only temporary. It will pass,"

"You sound like the nurses," she smiled softly "They've been teaching me mindfulness. Radical acceptance especially. It's about accepting things are bad right now. That it may not be right or fair, or even how it will be in the future, but that's how things are," Jack raised an eyebrow but nodded at her to continue "But they wont last; all things pass and this took shall pass. And you just have to accept that,"

Jack nodded, deep in thought "Sounds very zen,"

"Time felt like an eternity stuck in that box," Nikki said softly "I didn't think I was going to get out,"

"I know," Jack said gently "Here," he said shrugging off his jacket as he watched Nikki shiver for a second time

"Wont you get cold?" she asked but he shook his head

She put his jacket around her shoulders. The sleeves fell far past her hands but it was warm. She breathed in his musky scent and was comforted.

"You need to work with Doctor Redford," he said again

"I know," Nikki nodded "But I don't like her. She doesn't treat me as a peer,"

"Then tell her that," Jack said "Talk to her. Call her a shit-bag if you want but just talk to her,"

Nikki smiled wearily "How was work yesterday?"

"Nikki," Jack warned

"It was an innocent question," she pleaded

Jack sighed "Busy," he said bluntly "A business man was found dead in his car. An Edward Hooper. CEO of a newspaper chain,"

"Hooper?" Nikki frowned, the name was oddly familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it. The meds had clouded her mind

"Anyway, enough of work. It's my day off and I don't want to talk about corpses. How about we head back to the canteen for a cup of coffee. Warm you up, eh?"

Nikki nodded and the pair of them stood up and made their way back towards the hospital, Nikki reluctantly falling into pace behind Jack. He noticed this and took her hand gently, pulling her into step with him.

"It'll be okay Nikki," he said softly and she nodded, gripping his hand tightly.

Little did she know, things were about to take a turn for the worst.