Lol this doesn't count as part of my upload schedule soooo
(Danger)
Jungkook came over to mine last night. He comes over a lot nowadays; he's got some family issues that he doesn't like talking about so I don't even ask about it when he comes round. He's got a dance performance in assembly and he was nervous as hell. I would have gotten him to practise but my room's kind of small and I wanted to take his mind off it. So we just talked about nothing in particular. We do that a lot.
Jungkook is in the year below me but we're really good friends. He fell out with someone in his grade and they spread rumours about him that were bullshit so he was alone all the time. I was never one for keeping friends. I talk to people and I'm nice and I can flirt like you wouldn't believe but I never really hung out with people since all the groups were already solidified by the time I came here a month or two late. I saw Jungkook on my usual bench one day and I started talking because he looked sad. We kept being friends from there on in.
I wait in my form, talking to random people, excited for assembly. That isn't something that often happens. It occurs to me that I haven't ever seen Jungkook's routine. I know the song, though; it's Voodoo Doll by VIXX, a really good song that I introduced him to one day. His dance group consists of a few people in his year and a few in the year above mine. Our grade was banned from extra-curricular activities after a bunch of people went to the LGBTQ+ society and made homophobic comments the whole time. Pricks should've been expelled.
Our form teacher tells us to go down to the assembly hall and I am the first out of the door. We aren't the first class there so I'm seated near the middle of the block of seats. The assembly itself was mundane and uninteresting. I don't pay attention as per usual. It might have been on student wellbeing. It might have been on the Olympics. I don't concentrate. The speaker announces the performance and I sit up in my seat. Six boys, including Jungkook, walk onto the stage and position themselves to start the song.
The first thing I notice is what Jungkook is wearing. He is dressed in all black: black jeans, black sneakers, a black t-shirt underneath an open black shirt. It's a beautiful compliment to his dark hair and his dark eyes. He is easily the best looking one out of the six of them. The dance itself is hot as fuck. The heavy bassline and kinda violent nature of the song apparently translate into Jungkook being sexy for about four minutes.
That is not fair. Hip thrusts and body rolls are one thing, it's the subtler things that are getting to me. Like the fact that his eyes are literally raking through the audience. Or the fact that his tongue will not stay in his goddamn mouth. I'm so focused on Jungkook that the song ends far too soon and everyone applauds. I join them emphatically. We all file out of the hall and my mind is still caught on Jungkook.
I may or may not have a small, tiny crush on Jungkook. I don't usually notice it, but when stuff like this happens, I'm suddenly reminded that Jeon Jungkook is one of the most attractive people on the planet. And that's annoying as fuck. I don't remember when it started but I realised it one day when he left my house and I found myself thinking about him hours after. I dismissed it as worrying about him until I woke up in the middle of the night after an unexpectedly graphic dream. I guess my subconscious got fed up with me.
As I pick up my bag, I stop. I remember that Jungkook has an excuse to come in late to lessons; I don't but that doesn't matter. I could find him by his locker in about five minutes if I waited and congratulate him on his performance. My way.
So I wait. The hallway clears and I begin to think I missed him until I hear whistling from the other end of the corridor. Jungkook exits the hall, still in his performance outfit and I try very hard not to faint. It's just not fair for anyone to be that beautiful. He doesn't notice me and I take a deep breath. I walk towards him and he finally sees me. He smiles his bunny smile, looking far too innocent given what he just did.
"Jimin-hyung! Did you like the performance?"
"Your performance. You owned the stage, Jungkook." I move slightly closer to him and he doesn't flinch. He just shrugs,
"Really? I'm not good at looking natural or anything on stage so I was really nervous." His tongue flicks out of his mouth again and he bites his bottom lip. I absolutely lose it. I grab his waist and push him against the locker. He's about to stutter out a question but I save him time.
"Un-fucking-fair," I hiss in his ear, "There's no way all of that was just a goddamn nervous tic, Jungkook. You're either a liar or a god and, lucky for you, I like both." He manages to get out the first syllable of a word. I don't even look at his face; I just plant an open-mouthed kiss on his neck and hear his voice morph into a breathy groan.
"J-J-Jimin…" he stammers, his breaths shallow and fast. I pay it no attention. I tongue down his neck, leaving bite marks wherever I feel like it. After that assembly, there are bound to be people seeing Jungkook in a new light. I want to make sure they know he's taken. I hum against his skin and I feel his hand brush against my waist. It's slight, but it's there. I want to keep it there. I kiss up his neck again until I reach his jawline. He shivers slightly and lets out a quiet moan. I know where I want to go next but I don't know if he'd let me. Even by my standards, this is going a bit fast.
I look at him. He had his eyes closed but opens them when he notices I've stopped. I search his eyes, trying to figure out how he feels about all this. I find confusion, mainly, and pleasure. Not enough. I might be being paranoid, I don't know, but I don't want to do this anymore. At least my conscious mind doesn't. My subconscious is screaming at me to drag him into a bathroom and fucking ruin him. But I don't.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. I let go of him and walk away, trying not to look back or concentrate on just how much I royally fucked things up. I just walk to my classroom. For the whole rest of the day, I can't help feeling so ashamed of myself. What was I thinking? I was about to take his first kiss! I'm glad I stopped myself, at least. That's the only thing I'm proud of anymore, although it's a little bit drowned out by the shame of everything else.
I pass him once in the corridor at the end of the day. There are a lot of people so I don't think he sees me. I see him, though. I scan him over quickly and notice that he looks really quite down, spacey, out of it almost completely. I also notice that he's hunching a little bit. I'm confused as to why before his posture drops momentarily and I see a red mark on his neck that was hidden by his blazer. A red mark made by my teeth. He was trying to hide it. He's ashamed of it. Of course he is.
I walk home. Alone like I should be. I slink up to my room and do my homework, not focusing on anything anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. It could be maths; it could be geography. My mind is stuck on what a horrible person I am for corrupting my best and only friend.
The doorbell snaps me back to my senses. Dazed, I check the clock and see that it's a little past 9 pm. I've been sitting here for a while. It's even started raining. Stretching slightly, I walk downstairs to open the door. And freeze.
Standing outside is Jungkook, soaking wet from the rain. It might be the light playing on raindrops but I think… is he crying? He looks up at the sound of the door and I can't say anything. I have no idea what I even can say to him right now. I know he's probably here to yell at me or something and I really don't blame him. He takes a deep breath.
"I won't be able to do this later. So I'll do it now. I'm sorry," he says. The next thing I feel is a stinging, burning pain in my left cheek. He slapped me. Fair enough. But as I recover, I feel arms wrapped tightly around my torso and a head buried in my shoulder. I feel him shaking. I feel him sobbing. For the first time all day, my thoughts turn off me and become consumed with concern for Jungkook.
"Come on, come inside. Let's get you out of the rain." I step back into my house and he doesn't let go of me. He just stays hugging me like a baby koala. I shut the door. Before I can ask him anything, he mumbles,
"Something happened, hyung. Can we go upstairs?" He looks up and I truly see the state he's in. His eyes are red and puffy, tears still falling. He's still wearing his uniform; it's wet and scruffy, slightly torn at one sleeve and his tie is missing. I can see the hickey I gave him and my heart gets heavier. I nod and he holds my hand. He's acting small. Vulnerable. He even called me 'hyung;' he usually refrains from doing that.
We reach my room and we sit down on my bed again. I don't care that he's wet. I just want him to be okay, something that he so clearly is not. He's sniffling, playing with my fingers, breathing shakily. I let him take his time. Eventually, he looks up at me and sighs,
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I can go if you want…" I know Jungkook well enough to recognise this stage. He's self-deprecating, convincing himself he doesn't need, want, deserve or get help. I know what to do; it's happened before.
"Please don't. I'm here for you, okay? Tell me what's wrong," I say. He realises he doesn't have a choice. He pauses lowering his head. I then realise that I can't be what made Jungkook cry. He has a tendency to run away from his problems rather than into their arms. He could have stayed at home but he didn't. I'm not what's wrong; his family is. "Jungkook, what happened?" He takes a deep, albeit unstable breath.
"I didn't go straight home. It… wasn't a good day at school so I went to get ice cream because ice cream cheers me up. I got the bus at about 6 and got home at quarter to. And my parents were fuming. I thought it was me but it wasn't. They yelled for my brother and he…" Tears are flowing freely again by this point but he bravely keeps going.
"He was crying. He had a bruise on his head. My dad grabbed him and stood him in front of me and shook him and said 'Your big brother has something to tell you, Jungkook'. I didn't know what was going on. My brother was really sobbing but he said he was gay. I didn't react, obviously, because that's not a problem. My parents were probably furious at him. I realised they threw something at him and that's why he had the bruise.
They grabbed his collar and my dad punched him in the stomach. My mom turned to me and said, 'That's what happens to faggots in this house. Now come here,' and I didn't move because I was scared and I didn't know what was happening. She just rolled her eyes and went to grab my collar and I panicked because she'd see the… the thing." He pauses with a vague gesture to his neck. He isn't looking me in the eye. Fuck.
"So I ran away and they tried to catch me but it was dark and raining and I took the long way and they don't know where you live, so I think I'm safe for now." He breathed again and then added, "It was all my fault." I shake my head.
"Jungkook, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. What on earth makes it think it's your fault?" I ask him and he shrugs,
"If I hadn't taken so long getting home. If I hadn't gotten ice cream, if I'd have taken the bus like normal, maybe I could have helped my brother then," he mumbles. I think for a second. There has to be a way out of this.
"Okay. But you got ice cream because you'd had a bad day. What was so bad about it?" I think I have an idea about where this is going, but I want him to shift the blame and think it through by himself. He pauses for a second. And another. And another.
"People made fun of me," he realises and I smile gently.
"And why were they making fun of you?" I lead him to the conclusion slightly. He looks up at me and then looks straight back down again.
"You." He is fidgeting uncomfortably and I think he wants to leave. I don't want to let him. Where would he go if not here? But I don't want to make this awkward, I don't want to alienate him.
"I'm sorry," I apologise and I mean it. I'd like to take the focus off him for a while. "I really don't know what came over me. I-I didn't mean to take it so far. And I made people hurt you and I really didn't want to but…" I said all this in one breath and I hadn't realised how much I needed him to hear it. And yet,
"That's my fault, too. If I hadn't have danced like that, you wouldn't have done it," he refutes. I sigh. I suppose it's confession time.
"No. Look, I… I've had a crush on you for ages. It's such an awful thing to admit but even without you dancing, I probably would have done it sooner or later. I'm so genuinely ashamed of myself for it because you're literally my only friend and I managed to develop a crush on you but I'm even more ashamed that I acted on it. I'm so fucking sorry. It's my fault but I'll gladly take the blame for you. I'm sorry. You… can go now if you want." Well, that was the hardest thing I've ever fucking done. Jungkook just looks at me.
"You're just saying that…" he whispers and I cannot believe this kid.
"Are you kidding?" I say louder than I meant. "You are physically perfect, you are the smartest person I know, you're so friendly and kind and you are so strong. You've survived through all this and you think I could lie about this?" Jungkook is silent. I wonder if I've crossed some kind of line, if he thinks I'm upset with him. I'm not sure but it's silent for a while. I realise that we're still holding hands.
"Jimin?" he asks timidly. I look up at him and see that he's blushing heavily. "C-can I kiss you?" he asks and I freeze. Did he really just say that?
"W-what?" I stutter and regret it. Jungkook looks like he hates himself now. Good job, Jimin.
"S-sorry, that was a really dumb thing to say," he retracts his hand and an anxious scrap of bravery makes me take it again. He looks at me and I become a nervous wreck once more. I don't understand how anyone can be that beautiful and it's fucking majorly with my head. His hair is damp and his skin is slightly flushed from the cold and I don't know how I ever managed to take my eyes off him. So I don't say a word. Neither does he. But to my immense surprise, he makes the first move.
It's cautious but he definitely leans in. I shut my eyes and follow his lead. I feel his lips press against mine and my mind goes totally blank. This is all I've ever wanted for about eight months and now it's actually happening. It doesn't feel real. His lips are so soft and warm, even though he had been running through the rain. It's intoxicating. We pull back momentarily to look at each other again but the moment of separation doesn't last long.
His hand tightens around mine and I know he wants more. I hold his hips and somewhat awkwardly lift him onto my lap, but we don't want to break the kiss. It's so insanely different from this morning, you could hardly believe we're the same people. It's slow, comfortable and loving. I suppose I'm less frustrated now. I have him this time. And now I do, I'm going to take my sweet time.