Chapter 5: Midfield

Carol's abrupt departure left Bucky in a stunned silence for a few moments. He re-gathered his scattered thoughts and turned to Steve. "So you and Carol…" Bucky said with an indicative nod.

"What about us?" Steve asked. Bucky restrained himself from laughing at his friend's cluelessness and just raised his eyebrows. Steve took a solid thirty seconds to catch on. "Oh! No. Absolutely not."

"Really?" Bucky didn't entirely believe him.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I've never thought about it, but she's not into guys. She made that abundantly clear."

"Oh, I see."

"Besides, the hospital is not an ideal environment to kindle a romance of any kind."

"Gravesen is one big friend zone. Got it."

"That's a good way to summarize it. But once you're better and get back to school, I'll bet you're gonna have to fend off attention instead of having to seek it out."

"What? No. If that's the case, it would happen to you too."

"No, I'm chronic. That's a crucial difference. Nobody wants to make that kind of long-term commitment."

"I did."

"You were way too young to understand what you were getting into when we became friends."

"And now that I'm old enough, have I backed out? Abandoned you to fight all sixty five roses by yourself?"

"No," Steve admitted with a chuckle. "I guess you're special."

"Or maybe you are," Bucky countered.

"I do have a rare genetic mutation."

"And I have a rare cancer. I guess we're even."

"Fair enough. I'm gonna go introduce myself to the new kid and show him around."

"Don't forget the ol' Rogers Razzle Dazzle or I'll tell Carol on you," Bucky taunted.

"All right."

Bucky found it fascinating that Steve appeared to be in charge of giving Gravesen inaugural tours. Maybe the hospital paid him to give the new kids a patient's eye view of their new surroundings. Either that, or Steve was that concerned with making everyone feel welcome. He grew tired enough to doze off for a bit, until Steve's return woke him up.

"Oh man," Steve sighed. Bucky raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "He looked ready to fall apart at the slightest provocation, poor kid."

"How old?" Bucky asked.

"Maybe twelve-ish. I'm not sure. He wouldn't answer any of my questions—didn't speak at all, actually. I only learned his name by reading his ID bracelet, it's Peter."

"Were his parents here?"

"No sign of them."

"Weird."

"He's so skinny, Bucky," and now Steve sounded genuinely shaken. "I spend a lot of time with sick kids, so I'm used to seeing people who could stand to gain weight, but this kid…it's bad. Fortunately, they already have him NG-tubed, but by the looks of it he should have gotten here months ago."

"Yikes. And you said he didn't say a word?"

"Not one. I was lucky if he responded with a nod instead of a shrug."

"Do you think he can speak?"

"I have no idea, and I'm not going to assume either way. Whatever the case, I just hope he gets the help he needs."

"Me too."

~0~

With round one of chemo under his belt and his pain and nausea sufficiently controlled—meaning low enough for him to at least partially function as a human being—on oral meds, Bucky got to go home. Both he and his parents were understandably excited. The move itself exhausted him, so he spent the majority of that first day alternating between sleeping and watching more amputee soccer videos. His mother fretted to the point Bucky had to tell her to back off and stop smothering him. She found something else to fuss about, which was the fact that Thanksgiving was just around the corner.

After his diagnosis Bucky completely lost track of the date, so the proximity of the holiday took him by surprise. They couldn't go to a large gathering or invite many people over because of Bucky's newly compromised immune system, so the plan was to get together with the Rogers. They'd done Thanksgivings like this before, when weather or other circumstances prevented them from meeting up with extended family. Steve's parents offered to host since they figured Bucky's would be busy taking care of him, but Mrs. Barnes insisted she needed something to take her mind off of everything. Bucky was glad Steve's parents hadn't forced the issue, or he'd have his mother breathing down his neck at all hours.

The most demanding task he put her up to was the occasional shopping trip to get something to satisfy a particular craving. Everything else she could do in between meal prep steps or delegate to his father in the hours he was home from work. All things considered, he felt pretty good the first few days—he felt like utter crap, but he sensed that it could be way worse. His friends proved their usefulness by periodically sending funny videos and memes along with the occasional inquiry into how he was doing. Bucky was honest with them, but he didn't include any details.

They also told him all about the second playoff game, but only because he demanded it. He could tell they didn't want to tell him for fear of making him feel bad about missing out. Bucky expected to hear that they lost (and they did, handedly), but he didn't expect to hear about what else went down. The team dedicated the match to him, each and every one of them lacing their cleats with gold, the color representing pediatric cancer awareness. Gabe sent him a bunch of photos of the team completely decked out in gold before the match. Bucky felt a combination of gratefulness, embarrassment, despair, and joy knowing his team hadn't simply forgotten about him now that he couldn't be there in person.

Thanksgiving day arrived nearly a week after Bucky's discharge from Gravesen. Steve and his family arrived at the Barnes' apartment at four, giving them plenty of time to socialize before dinner. The adults headed straight for the kitchen while Steve and Bucky fled back to his room. They'd spent countless hours in here together doing homework or playing games, but the dynamic felt somewhat different now. They skirted around the topic of Bucky's illness for nearly an hour before Steve clearly couldn't take it anymore and asked, "Seriously, how are you feeling with all this?"

"I'm doing okay. I wasn't lying to you the twenty times you asked that over text," Bucky assured him.

"I never said I didn't believe you."

"You asked me in person because you know it's easier to tell if I'm lying when we're face-to-face."

"Fine. I believe you. I just worry."

"I know you do. Now you know how I feel."

"It sucks."

"Yeah, being your friend is not the easiest position in the world. Especially when you act like your goal in life is to set the record for most chest infections in a lifetime."

"I don't actively try to get infections, they just happen," Steve defended.

"I'm just teasing. I know you're as diligent as possible with your treatments, sometimes it just seems like they aren't as effective at protecting you as they should be."

Steve shrugged. "They do their best."

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The motion reminded him of one inevitable side effect that he hadn't thought about nearly enough: hair loss. It was bound to start falling out any day now, and that was not something Bucky wanted to endure. He looked Steve right in the eye and proclaimed, "I have an idea."

"Why do I not like where this is going?"

"Relax, you'll be fine. I want you to shave my head."

"What? Why? Has it even started falling out yet?"

"Not really. But I want to stay ahead of it."

"It's possible you're one of the rare cases that doesn't experience hair loss with this chemo regimen."

"Unlikely. I'm going to go grab my dad's razor, and you're going to do this for me, got it?"

"Your parents are going to kill me when they see what I've done to you."

"I'll take the blame for it. They can't get mad at me for anything anymore." Bucky snuck into his parents' bathroom and snatched the razor, bringing it back into his room without drawing the attention of any of the adults in the house. He handed it off to Steve and plopped himself down in front of him.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," Bucky said firmly.

"You don't want to wait a bit longer?"

"Just do it!" If Steve didn't start trimming now, Bucky knew he would chicken out. He heard the razor's hum and braced himself for the inevitable. The sensation was indescribable. Bucky hadn't been bald since birth, always taking more pride in his hair than most boys his age. After that bet with Gabe resulted in him wearing a half bun at their first game, he'd realized the style kind of suited him and had worn it that way at every subsequent game. It had become somewhat of a signature look for him on the field. He calculated it would take around two years after treatment ended to achieve that length again. That was a long time.

"Done," Steve announced.

"Am I bleeding?" Bucky asked jokingly.

"Not even a nick."

"I'm impressed. Where'd you learn how to shave a head?"

"Gravesen."

"Is that a unit they cover in your school?"

"No. But the Ancient One could totally teach it if it was. She shaves her head."

"Why?"

"No one really knows." Steve stepped away and starting gathering fallen hair to throw away. Between the two of them, they hid the fallout just in time to get called to dinner. Bucky threw on his soccer ball beanie and followed Steve to the table. Mr. Barnes nearly dropped the turkey he was carrying when he saw what they'd done. Luckily, he recovered in time to bring the bird safely to the table.

"Oh my god, what did you do?" Bucky's mom asked, shocked.

"I had Steve shave my head. He has real potential as a barber," Bucky said nonchalantly. Steve snickered. Their parents did anything but.

"Why didn't you tell us you wanted to do this already?" his dad questioned.

"It was a snap decision. It was going to fall out anyway; I wanted to be in control of when that happened." Bucky felt regret creeping up his throat. His parents appeared to be mad at him, though he couldn't figure out why. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, you don't have to apologize, Bucky, I'm afraid I was just a little startled. The beanie is nice, though, where'd you get it?"

"Gabe picked it out."

"I guess I'll have to get used to it," she sighed. "I haven't kissed a bald head since you were a baby." She stepped over, pulled back his beanie a little bit, and did just that. Bucky could hear Steve holding back laughter, but he refrained from pushing his mother away. She released him and the six of them sat down at the table, the awkwardness (for the most part) evaporated. Bucky noticed both his parents and Steve's glance at him more often and for longer than was typical. He tried not to be self conscious about it, knowing this was how he would look for the next year, but it was difficult not to squirm under the scrutiny. As food was passed around the table, Bucky filled his plate with miniscule quantities of each dish. His appetite bordered on nonexistent and he didn't know which foods he even liked anymore. The medicine had completely flipped his taste buds upside down and inside out. Beside him, Steve downed his enzyme pills with a gulp of water and dug in.

They enjoyed the meal in silence for a moment before the adults struck up conversation again. Bucky suspected Steve's parents had already interrogated the Barnes about how they were coping with his diagnosis, otherwise they were tactfully avoiding the subject altogether. They discussed the outcome of the football game from earlier that day, which Bucky all but tuned out. He didn't find football a particularly interesting sport to watch in the first place. It was way slower than soccer. By halftime he'd fallen asleep and didn't wake up until the postgame programs began.

Everyone else at the table had nearly finished their initial portions, but Bucky had only managed to stomach maybe one tenth of the quantity he normally ate on this holiday. Most of the things on his plate tasted like some variety of cardboard and the mouth sores that had made themselves known in the past twenty four hours ensured that he suffered with every bite. Maybe if it tasted good it would be worth the discomfort, but it didn't. So what if he didn't feast, at least the company was good.

His parents pretended not to notice his lack of intake, but he could tell it worried them. They'd probably try to force more nutrition into him later when the Rogers had left. "This year, more than ever, I'm thankful for this family," Mrs. Barnes announced when the conversation reached a pause. She looked at each person seated at the table one by one. "I couldn't do this without you all."

Bucky didn't particularly want to hear his mother get all sappy and sentimental, but he recognized that she definitely needed to. "We wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Mr. Rogers said. "You guys are family." Unnoticed by the adults, Steve mimed gagging and Bucky struggled not to laugh audibly and ruin the sweetness of the moment.

"You've been there for us through everything with Steve, and I'm grateful for that every day of the year," Mrs. Rogers continued. Their two families, for all intents and purposes, were one and the same, as they had been since the Rogers moved into the neighborhood. Bucky treated Steve's parents almost exactly like his own, and Steve did the same with Bucky's. In fact, often the only thing separating them was their last names.

"I'm thankful for all the experts at Gravesen who've kept me alive this long," Steve contributed.

"Us too," Steve's parents said.

"If I remember correctly, Gravesen is the main reason we moved here all those years ago, so I owe it double thanks because if it wasn't where it is, I never would have met Bucky."

The mushiness reached almost unbearable levels. If something didn't dispel the tension soon, Bucky would either start weeping or screaming and he didn't really want to do either. All eyes turned to him as they waited for him to participate in this saying of thanks.

"Honestly?" Bucky began. "I'm pretty darn thankful for Zofran."

I timed this pretty perfectly having the Thanksgiving chapter come out right before the holiday in real life. I swear that wasn't intentional. Also, I mentioned that the prequels intertwine pretty heavily among Bucky, Steve, and Parker. This is an example of that. I promise we will return to that moment from Parker's perspective. Also, congrats to those who guessed it was him last chapter :)