Chapter Eight
"Tell me about Edward, tell me about your Dad," Nikki said sitting across the table from Emily watching her as she filled in a colouring book.
The two were sat in the corner speaking quietly in case they were overheard
"You mean how we got on before he chucked me in this hell hole?" Emily said bitterly
"I just want to know what things were like before all this, before the ward,"
"I dunno," Emily shrugged "He was busy working all the time, on the paper. Even more so after Mum died. But he taught me the basics of reading and writing when I was little. I remember that. And the most important rule of writing,"
"What's that?" Nikki asked
"Don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of your story. You have one story to tell and that's your own. Don't let anyone take that away from you," Emily recited
"What's your story Emily?"
"Sometimes I hear things no one else can hear. Sometimes they're nice things. Most of the time they're not. One day they got so not nice that they came for me. Dad had given them permission and they took me away. And the rest they say is history..." she sighed and Nikki could see a flicker of pain float across her features
"Did your Dad ever visit you?"
"Never. I've been here 3 months and the closest I've got to a visitor is the police when they came to say Dad was dead,"
"Why do you think he never came?"
"Busy with his own bloody story so much so that he doesn't realise I'm a part of his. I'm his only daughter,"
"Do you know how your Dad died?"
"Blunt farce trauma or something like that," Emily shrugged
"Blunt force trauma," Nikki gently corrected "It means something hit him hard in the chest and that's why he died,"
"Nikki," a voice called and both ladies turned to see Anna standing in the doorway to the nurse's office "Doctor Redford wants to see you,"
"I'll be back," Nikki said and Emily nodded going back to the colouring book on the table in front of her
…
"How are you feeling today Nikki?" Doctor Redford asked as they sat down in her office
"Fine," Nikki said quickly. A little too quickly and Doctor Redford frowned
"I notice from the nurse's notes that you've been spending a lot of time with Emily Hooper,"
"And?" Nikki was on the defensive now
"My concern is that you're neglecting your own health by focusing on hers,"
"She's just lost her Dad. No one's come to see her in 3 months. I'm showing kindness, not substitution or whatever it is you're insinuating,"
Doctor Redford paused. Then nodded "We will be keeping an eye on this. Now, I want to talk to you about a different subject,"
Nikki closed her eyes
"Mexico," she whispered
"Now you know I've diagnosed you with depression and PTSD. The medication will help but so will talking. And you've been reluctant to do so ever since you arrived in the unit. We've touched on why you were brought her, but I want to focus on the other why. The Mexico why,"
"You've seen the notes and I know Jack's told you things as well,"
"I want to hear it from you,"
Nikki paused before answering "Darkness. Suffocation. Alone,"
"Which of those was worse?"
"Being alone,"
"Is that why you've been spending so much time with Emily and Jack? That you're worried that being alone will somehow recreate or bring to the surface those memories,"
"I like to keep busy," Nikki admitted, remembering telling Jack it was the way she had managed Harry and Leo's departures
"I worry you do it to the point of trying to avoid thinking about your trauma. I want to work with you on those memories. Not force them away. You're a strong woman Nikki. You survived Mexico, you can survive the memories. You just have to work with me and not against me. I'm not the enemy here, ok?"
"But you're keeping me here against my will," Nikki said
"Until I'm sure you can cope in the community," Doctor Redford said "I think we'll leave it here for today's session,"
"Good, because I've got some colouring to do with Emily..."
The lie slipped out far easier than she was expecting and Doctor Redford nodded as Nikki made her way back to Emily.
She was going to find out what happened to Edward Hooper no matter how many colouring books it took.