Chapter 13
"I'm concerned Nicola that you're spending too much time with Emily Hooper," Doctor Redford began "I have raised this issue before, have I not?"
"Would you rather I spent all day isolating myself, bottling up everything up? That's what got me in here in the first place,"
"It's not just who you're spending time with, it's how you're spending your time,"
"I don't understand what you mean?"
"Yes, you do Nicola. Emily's father's death is being investigated from both without and within these walls,"
"I'm trying to help,"
"You're not here to help, you're here to heal,"
"I'm trying to use my brain. I can't do what others do here. I can't lounge in front of the television or wander aimlessly up and down these corridors,"
"How is your concentration these days?"
"It would be fine if I had something to concentrate on!" Nikki said, sounding exasperated
"There's puzzle in the day room-"
"-I'm not five years old!" Nikki bit back
"You've been here for almost a month now. Your section runs out soon. It is up to be if I extend your section of discharge you. What progress do you think you've made?"
"I…I'm coming to terms with the fact that Mexico left a bigger impact on me than I realised," Nikki said "But I don't need to be here anymore,"
"Anymore, implies you think you needed to be here for a while…"
"I was a mess when I came here. Things got on top of me,"
"Do you remember when you arrived?"
Nikki nodded her head
…
"I don't need to be here," Nikki protested as they walked into the entrance of Fairview Psychiatric Hospital
"Nikki, we've been through this. You have to go, you've been sectioned," Jack said as they were met by a nurse at the door
"Hello Nicola, my name's Anna. I'm one of the nurses on your ward," Anna said as she looked down at Nikki's bandaged hand "Did A&E patch her up?" she asked Jack who nodded "Good,"
"Nikki…"
"Sorry Nicola?" Anna said
"My name's Nikki…"
"Nikki," Anna agreed as they walked down the corridor
Nikki felt numb. Not even numb. She felt nothing. She was led down the corridor with Jack at her side.
To comfort her?
Or to be there in case she made a run for it?
"It won't be forever Nikki," Jack was saying "Just until you get better. We need you back at work Nikki, but not like this,"
"Jack…" she began but couldn't finish her sentence
"Here we are," Anna said as they stopped outside a door "Do you have any belongings?"
"I can bring things in for you," Jack said "I can drop them off later. Once you've settled in,"
"Great," Anna said with a smile "Let's get you sorted,"
"Jack," Nikki said with a quiver of fear in her voice
"It's okay Nikki," Jack reassured her as Anna led her into the ward "It's going to be okay,"
Nikki winced as the door locked behind her. She followed Anna down the corridor trying to concentrate on Anna's cheerful chatter
"…and Doctor Redford will see you later, but for now here's your bed space," Anna said pointing to a bed.
Nikki followed and sat down.
The dormitory housed four beds and a bathroom. The room was empty apart from a young woman sitting on her bed watching Nikki closely
"Hi," she said, "I'm Emily,"
Nikki said nothing
"It's ok, you don't have to talk to me," Emily said softly "It just looks like you don't have any stuff with you. If you want, you can borrow some of mine?"
Nikki looked up at the young woman who shrugged "Only if you want to"
"I want to go home," Nikki said softly
"The first night is the worst," Emily said, her voice laden with experience "This is one of the better dormitories. You've got Carole in the space next to you. She's pretty quiet. And Edith in space next to me. Watch out for her, she gets confused about what stuffs hers and what isn't. But seeing as you don't have anything with you, that shouldn't be a problem," Emily finished
Nikki looked up at Emily who gave her a comforting smile
"You look like you like books," Emily said conclusively "I have some here if you want to distract yourself?"
Books. Something familiar. Something comforting.
"Umm…" Emily perused "Here we go. You look like you like Jane Austen,"
"I'm Nikki," she said finally
"Nice to meet you Nikki," Emily said with a smile "I think we're going to be friends,"
…
Nikki left Doctor Redford's office, feeling frustrated. She knew why she was here. She had always known that, even though she didn't want to admit it to herself. She knew she had to be here. But she didn't agree with potentially staying here past her section.
Doctor Redford had suggested starting psychotherapy with someone called Jessica. Nikki didn't know how to feel about that.
"Emily," she said sitting down next to the young woman "Why did you get put on a longer section?"
Emily looked up from the book she was reading "Because I wasn't cooperating. Doctor Redford said I wasn't making enough progress,"
"Do you think I've made progress?"
"In terms of your mental health or my Dad's death case, thing…"
"Both, I suppose,"
"I think that something bad happened to you. But you bottled it up for a long time. I think a lot of bad things have happened to you, actually. But this was the straw that broke the donkey's back. It fizzed up inside of you and you exploded. You shattered into a million pieces. You want to pick up the pieces but you don't know where to begin, but you want to begin. You want to put your life back together. I think that's progress,"
"You're wiser than your years Emily Hooper," she said with a smile
"Emily?" Anna called "There's someone that needs to talk to you. Now." She said
"Who?" Emily said
"The police," Anna said "They've got some information about your father's death…"