Chapter 16

"So Nikki, I want you to know that this is a safe space and you can speak about whatever you want, in whatever way you want," said Jessica.

Nikki had been called from the dorm to a small room off the main corridor to meet with a woman who had introduced herself as Jessica, the psychologist.

"Except that you'll be passing on everything I tell you to Doctor Redford," Nikki said a little harsher than she had intended to

"That is true Nikki, I will have to pass on some of what we discuss in these sessions. But why are you opposed to the idea? You don't like Doctor Redford?"

"It's not that I don't like her," Nikki sighed "It's that she frustrates me,"

"How so?"

"She pushes buttons to get a reaction," she said, repeating an opinion that Emily had once voiced

"Maybe we could look at it another way? Maybe she's trying to get you to open up about things,"

"Like Mexico?"

"Like Mexico," Jessica agreed "Nikki, I'm not going to force you to talk about things, but you do know why you were put under a section don't you?"

Nikki nodded "I wasn't dealing with things post-Mexico. I hadn't been dealing with things for a while. It just all got on top of me. It was like a pressure cooker getting ready to explode. I've not been dealing with tings in a healthy way, that's why I'm under a section,"

Jessica nodded "But you know your section is going to run out soon. How do you feel now in relation to how you felt when you first came in?"

Nikki paused before answering "When I first came in, I felt frustrated and trapped. I felt that no one understood what I was going through," she said

"And now?"

"I guess I have met people who understand,"

"Like Emily Hooper?"

"Emily has no one left. She's been here for a long time, on here, on her own yet she still manages to remain optimistic. She sees light where I could only see darkness,"

"So you felt that socialising in here helped you feel understood,"

"I suppose so,"

"Do you feel that our colleagues understand you?"

"Jack does," Nikki nodded "I don't think he did at first. But I think there's a difference between not understanding and not wanting to understand. Jack wants to understand, he wants to help,"

"Jack was with you in Mexico, wasn't he?" Jessica asked

"That's why he understands. That was something we went through together,"

"How do you think he dealt with those feelings?"

"By getting himself beaten up," Nikki sighed "He's into MMA," she explained with a disapproving tone

"But you understand that he let those emotions out. He processed them,"

"I bottled mine up," Nikki admitted, and Jessica nodded

"And it's my role to help you unbottle those feelings and allow you to express them in a healthy way. People go through trauma, but they do come out the other side. Everything, good or bad, passes. You said that Emily can see a light even in those dark times. Maybe even you can…"

…

"So how was you meeting with the psychologist?" Jack asked as they walked around the grounds

"She said that all things pass," Nikki repeated

"This will pass too. You'll be back at the Lyell before you know it," Jack said with a warm smile

"If Doctor Redford doesn't extend my section," Nikki sighed

"When is the decision being made?" Jack asked

"End of the week," Nikki told him

"And do you think you're ready to go home?" he asked

"I need to move on with things. I feel that Mexico is beginning to pass," she said "I never asked you how you feel about Mexico?"

Jack shrugged "At first I was angry. Not with you, but with myself. I should have listened to you more. But then I felt scared. Scared that I almost lost you in Mexico, but also scared I almost lost you again. You had to come here to find yourself again. And I think you've done that,"

"My breakdown was a breakthrough," she said smiling softly

"Now, I feel hope. That if you can survive Mexico, then so can I. We can survive together," he said, giving her hand a friendly squeeze.

And Nikki, feeling her small hand safe in his larger one, returned the gesture.