Chapter Two: The Turtle

Traveling with Bulma was not nearly so high maintenance after the first incident. For one thing, she was careful about how she conducted herself when taking pit stops. For another, she proved to be halfways tolerable as far as companions went. She was relatively intelligent after all.

As they zoomed onward upon a motorcycle, there were no new dangerous encounters. Even so, as they moved onward and Kakarot clung to her back. He leaned slightly to one side to watch the road go by; he began to feel hungry. He found that he had to eat a great deal, and he didn't understand why. It was just part of who he was.

They raced over a bridge and past a series of trees. Something, however, caught Kakarots eye.

'Halt the machine, Bulma. I think I saw a snake on the side of the road.' said Kakarot. 'That should suffice until dinner.'

'Yeah, about that Kakarot, if you don't want to gross people out you need to stop eating things like that.' said Bulma.

'Are you certain?' he asked. 'It seems like such a practical source of food.'

'Mmhmm.' affirmed Bulma.

There was a long silence, broken only by the whirring of the motorcycle.

'What of lizards?' he asked after a moment.

'No, eating lizards is just as nasty, kid. You're just going to have to toughen up.' Kakarot refrained from mentioning just what he thought of her assertions.

After several more hours of endless travel, they finally pulled to a halt in a clearing. Kakarot leaped off of the bike, thinking to himself. 'We shall rest here tonight. I'll start a fire.'

'There's no need to live out on the ground like savages.' said Bulma from her motorcycle. 'My Dino Caps have us covered.'

'You can create tents from those things too?' asked Kakarot, sounding impressed in a banner which made Bulma feel particularly smug.

'Not exactly.' she said with a smile as she got off the motorcycle.

'My Master didn't like magic.' continued Kakarot. 'He believed one should only use it to help someone. I am... unsure of the matter myself.'

'Well I am going to use them to help someone, silly.' said Bulma, getting off the motorcycle. 'She's pretty and has blue hair.' Then she hit the button on the Dino Cap, before hurling it away to land on the ground. There was a flash, and rising smoke all around them. When it settled standing on the previous space was a white house with a chimney and windows. It was round shaped, and one story, and had skylights atop it. 'Now that looks cozy.' She walked forward and turned round. 'Come on Kakarot.'

Kakarot stared at what had appeared before him in shock. How had this happened? He was looking for a monster of huge size.

He leaped forward, drawing out his power pole. 'Step back from its mouth, fool! Don't you remember last time?! I'll deal with this monster!'

'That's truly noble of you.' said Bulma, as she pressed the open switch and entered. 'But it's not a monster Kakarot, it's a house.'

Kakarot followed behind her and was awed as she hit a switch and the lights turned on. 'Bulma, how did you make it light when it is still dark outside?' Was she some kind of sorcerer? Well, that was obvious, since she was creating things out of thin air.

'Chill out would ya?' said Bulma as she set her bag down on the table. 'It's a little thing we call electricity. Were you transported from the stone age, or what?'

'Actually, I was transported from a dying world. And while I flew through space my father made his stand against an unimaginable evil.' said Kakarot, feeling dazed as his mind flickered to his first memories. 'But that works too.' He was gazing around him with a starstruck look in his eyes. 'This is amazing.'

Bulma smiled despite herself. Even though Kakarot was incredibly weird, he looked oddly adorable as he gazed over the room. She picked up a remote and switched on the television. At once a pop star appeared on screen, playing music, and Kakarot leaped back. 'So you are imprisoning the souls of musicians inside glass boxes for your amusement now? You are a witch.'

Bulma changed the channel, ignoring him. It now changed to a romantic movie, which she had never gotten the chance to see the end of. A man was talking to a woman.

'Mira, I love you!' said the Man.

'Kiss me you fool!' said the Woman.

Bulma found herself spellbound and transfixed by the movie. Their lips got closer and closer together. Kakarot found the spell quite broken and looked up to where Bulma practically had hearts in her eyes. He felt some disgust at that.

'Oh Chad, I've waited so long for this!'

'I'll love you forever my darling!'

Kakarot grabbed the remote out of her hands.

'One little kiss...' said Bulma. 'One little kiss... almost there...'

Even as it reached the moment of climax, however, the screen abruptly shifted. A giant monster breathing fire at the screen. Bulma shrieked in surprise and fell backward to land with a crash. Kakarot laughed, a dark, mocking laugh that was far too evil for one of his stature.

He stopped. 'Why are you drooling?'

Bulma realized that she had begun to salivate as she watched the show. She wiped it away with her hand. 'Now I'm embarrassed.' She stood up, becoming aware in the close quarters of a particular stench. 'Hey, what's that smell? Kakarot, you need a bath!'

'If you are planning to imprison me within one of those glass boxes as well then you will not find me easy prey!' proclaimed Kakarot.

'I can't believe you don't know what a bath is!' snapped Bulma. 'I... I guess I've got to show you.'

Kakarot was taken into a side room, and there disrobed as instructed. During this period, Bulma tossed a towel at him, and he caught it. 'We civilized people call that a towel. Now let's get this over with. Hop in.'

Reluctantly Kakarot made his way over to the yellow tub, holding his towel. The tub was empty. 'So this is a bath?' Was this some manner of ritual device by which one was cursed to inhabit a glass cage?

'Look at you!' snapped Bulma 'You're supposed to cover up the front!'

Perplexed, Kakarot raised the towel to cover his face. 'Like this?'

Bulma groaned in frustration.

That more or less set the tone for the rest of the situation. Once Kakarot entered the bath, Bulma began rubbing some fluffy white stuff into his hair. It burned his eyes when it got there. 'So what is the purpose of this stuff?'

'It's called shampoo.' said Bulma. 'And I'm putting it in your hair to clean it. I don't do this very often, you know. You should consider yourself lucky, no wonder your hair stands up its never been washed.' She turned a knob, and water poured down from the faucet above him. It splashed through the shampoo and sending its suds filtering down into the drain.

'There, that's better. What in the world? Whoa!'

Then she grabbed his tail.

'How does this thing stay on, kid. I thought it was attached to your pants. What, do you superglue it to your skin.'

And then she began to tug on it.

'Ow! Unhand me, fool! That hurts!'

'I'm trying to wash your back properly.' replied Bulma.

'I can wash my own back!' snapped Kakarot. His tail lashed out and snapped the scrubber from her hands. Then he began scrubbing himself. Bulma, in the meantime, began having what appeared to be some kind of hyperventilating fit.

'No... no way it... it moves...' she stammered. 'That means its... its... REAL!'

Later in the bedroom, Bulma was still reeling from the revelation. 'Kakarot, what do you have a tail growing?'

'I don't know why.' admitted Kakarot. 'I presume that all males have them. It's no big deal. It's just the way we are.'

'Maybe he's right?' thought Bulma. 'I've never actually seen a boy take a bath before. Maybe they just keep them tucked into their pants or something. How bizarre.'

'I can't believe I'm a teenager and I'm just now finding out...' said Bulma.

'Well I suppose I shouldn't say all males.' said Kakarot. 'My Master didn't have one.'

'So normal men don't have tails, or your Master wouldn't have had one!' declared Bulma.

'But my master was a victor of many battles, so maybe he lost it.' continued Kakarot. 'Or perhaps he was just odd.'

'Your the one whose odd!' declared Bulma, who seemed to be in the midst of some kind of personal crisis.' As Kakarot had been speaking, he had gotten dressed back into his violet gi. 'So then a bath isn't some kind of curse.'

'I need a bath.' decided Bulma, before walking past him across the house to the bathroom.

Her bath was extremely relaxing, and she didn't see anything more of him until dinner. After she had finished blow-drying and brushing her hair, she came out. When both of them were hungry enough, Bulma a meal of sandwiches and coffee. Kakarot looked at it doubtfully. He took a bite out of the sandwich and enjoyed it, before wolfing the rest down.

Then he tried the coffee soup. 'The soup is bitter.'

'That's not soup, Kakarot, it's coffee.' said Bulma. 'And how do you expect to grow up big and strong if you don't eat right?'

'Excellent point.' he agreed, standing up and grabbing his power pole.

'Where are you going?' asked Bulma.

'I'm going to go get something to eat.' said Kakarot. 'We'll need more than this. I'll bring you back something.'

'Just be careful.' said Bulma 'Or you might end up being food yourself.'

A wolf howled over the wilderness, as a metal flying thing zoomed over the sky above. Night had fallen in full. Now the predators hunted in darkness, while sensible prey were in their holes. It was a crescent moon that night, and it was yellow overhead.

Kakarot wandered the wild lands outside of the house. He was seeking food for a proper dinner. As he did so, he wondered if Witchcraft was part of the reason why this Planet was supposed to be exterminated. It would certainly explain much, though why precisely the ability to create and destroy from thin air was bad was... unclear. On the other hand, the imprisoning of souls within glass boxes was quite a bit worse. He could understand why someone would want this world dead.

But then it might be unique to Bulma.

Kakarot leaped from place to place, tree to tree, and finally landed on the ground with a deft bending of the knees. 'Well, this has been an unproductive hunt. One centipede is barely enough for one person, much less two.'

It was at that moment that he heard a humming noise. Glancing up, he saw a bird of massive size flying overhead. 'A bird. Excellent, that will do nicely.'

He raced after it, following its flight into a deep valley where it went in for a landing. The valley was filled with skulls of many animals, particularly wolves. As Kakarot made his way through the bones, he saw the bird. He also saw two figures waiting near the bird. One was a woman, dressed all in a black uniform. The other was a dog with a violet gi. They were heading towards the bird! Kakarot quickened his pace and leaped before them, centipede in hand.

'The kid likes to jump.' noted the dog thing.

'He's a hopper alright.' decided the woman. 'Beat it kid, before you get hurt.'

'I'm not going anywhere.' he said 'That's my bird, I saw it first and I'm going to eat it.' He motioned to the metal device.

'What in the world is he talking about?' the dog feigned ignorance.

'Beats me.' Said the Woman 'Kid, I think I hear your mommy calling.'

At that moment there was a red gleam in the cave behind them. Yellow-eyed wolves emerged out into the light of the moon. They snarled and drooled as the woman and dog shuddered in fear.

'Those lights weren't dragonballs!' realized the dog, catching Kakarots interest.

Then there are others seeking the dragonballs.

'No kidding.' said the woman.

'This has worked out perfectly.' decided Kakarot for two different reasons. 'Now there is enough for all of us.'

And then the Wolves were upon them. Throwing aside his centipede, Kakarot punched out the first wolf. He leaped into the air and dropkicking another. With flurries of swipes, he defeated several more. He heard himself laughing as he fought. It had been a long time since he felt the love of battle. The woman and the dog, meanwhile, were running from the wolves smart enough to seek easier prey.

Drawing his pole, Goku beat back a second charge by the wolves with ease. At last, the Wolves hesitated to go after him. Then the humming returned to his ears, and Kakarot looked up in shock. The bird was flying away. 'My bird is escaping! Curses!'

He ran, and as he did so a multitude of wolves leaped onto him. He was covered in a mass of limbs and snapping jaws. Pointing his pole toward the ground, he spoke; 'Powerpole extend!' he cried.

He was launched into the air, shaking off the wolves as he did so to soar after the bird which was making its escape. Then he kicked it in midair.

The force of it sent the bird reeling and spinning away to land with a crash on the ground below, smoking already. Kakarot's mouth watered.

It was only once he got close enough to tap it with a stick that he realized the Bird was rock hard. Far too tough for anyone to eat. 'Wonderful, another wasted expedition.' he glanced up and wondered why the woman and dog from before were hanging from the nearby tree branches. 'Probably not important.'

The expedition was not a complete waste. Though what he gained was different from what he expected. Kakarot was in a good mood when he got back to the house. On his back was one of the fatter wolves, and in one hand was a centipede. He hadn't felt this good in years. He wondered why.

He knocked on the door.

Bulma had been busy reading clothing magazines. She was trying to keep herself from worrying over a certain spiky haired kid. There was a knock at the door. 'Well, I'll be darned. He's alive after all.' She opened the door and saw Goku smiling with the body of a bright red centipede in his right hand.

'If you think this appetizer looks good, you should take a look at the main course.' And he revealed the corpse of a wolf, hung off of his staff.

Bulma screamed and shut the door.

In the end, Kakarot ended up having to eat the entire meal himself. Not that he was objecting, but it was more than a little disappointing. Further disappointing was when Bulma told him that she expected him to sleep on the floor. He'd liked the bed, for it was soft, but he did not object because it is not wise to anger a Witch or Wizard. Could females be Wizards?

'Hey Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'if your Master raised you all by himself, what happened to your parents?'

'My mother... I never knew my mother.' he admitted, feeling a chink in his voice. 'My Father died though. A long time ago. When I was still only a baby.'

'Oh,' said Bulma, 'I'm sorry.'

Kakarot was not the sort of person to cry, but he felt a stab of emotion at that. 'Yes, well, I don't remember much of him. Only his voice. He said something to me, and I didn't know how to answer. My master found me when I was only a baby, so he picked me up and took me to his home. He taught me discipline, restraint, and something of honor as well. Though the last part didn't really rub off much.'

'Yeah, well...' Bulma was obviously trying to change the subject. 'did you know you don't have to keep a tail just because you were born with one? Some dogs actually get their tails cut off while they're still small.'

'Why would you let them do that to you Bulma. You could have just used your Witch magic...'

'I'm not talking about me lame brain! I never had a tail! And I'm not a Witch!' roared Bulma, before she halted. For Kakarot was already asleep. She fumed for a moment. 'I'm starting to believe this kid when he says he's from another planet.'

The next morning Kakarot awoke far earlier than Bulma. He learned some rather interesting facts about the female gender during this time. Quickly he leaped off the bed, somewhat disturbed by recent revelations. Feeling particularly mean-spirited he went over to the dragonballs.

'Bulma!' he shouted 'Your dragonballs are gone!'

And across the room, as Kakarot made that statement, even in the depths of her own dreams Bulma was shaken. She arose from her bed with a terrible cry. She was suddenly aware of him, and she raced across the room to the table upon which the balls had been set. The magnitude of her own folly was revealed to her in a blinding flash. The deception of her traveling companion was at last laid bare. Then Bulma's wrath blazed in consuming flame, but her self-control rose to choke her anger.

'Kakarot, that's not funny.' she said.

Kakarot laughed aloud. 'You should see the look on your face! Now, let's start getting ready to travel. We have work to do.'

Bulma clenched the side of the bag. Then turned and walked away without a word. The morning after that passed. Bulma dallied with her hair. She combed it and straightened it without regard to the passing morning. For his part, Kakarot became increasingly impatient. 'How long is this going to take?' he asked as he fidgeted on the floor.

'Look nobody asked for your commentary.' said Bulma flatly as she continued. 'Besides, you didn't have to wake us up at this insane hour!' She removed the brush and turned to Kakarot who began gazing at the coffee maker. 'Early birds, you can have your nasty old worm!'

'Well you're moving so slow I wouldn't be surprised if you turned into a turtle.' muttered Kakarot.

'Kakarot you can go out in public with your hair sticking out in every direction if you like, but not me.' proclaimed Bulma flatly as she approached. Taking up the coffee pot, she poured herself a glass. 'Would you like to have coffee with me?'

'Nah, it doesn't taste good, and it makes me feel funny.' said Kakarot. 'I'm going to go train.'

Having had his fill of conversation for the morning, he departed the house and took a deep breath. The early morning light bathed the mountains in violet. Perfect weather for training. Said training routine consisted of breaking boulders with his bare hands. The first resisted his efforts for a time before cracking and breaking into pieces. Satisfied he moved onto the second and began to squeeze.

'Uhh!' said a slow voice.

Startled Kakarot stared to see, looking past the edge of a rock, a turtle head. Shocked he stumbled backward and dropped the Turtle which landed with a crash on the ground.

'That's a new pain...' the turtle murmured.

'...I believe this is the part where I say I told you so.' said Kakarot to the now transformed Bulma. 'It serves you right for using Witchcraft Bulma.' He approached. 'This kind of changes our plans a bit doesn't it?'

'I'm not a Witch!' called Bulma as she looked out the door. 'And who are you talking to out there anyway?' Then she saw the Turtle. 'Hmm?'

'I thought he was you.' explained Kakarot.

'Wha?' said Bulma. 'A Tortoise shouldn't be living around here. Aren't you supposed to be living by the sea?'

'Yeah, and I'm very concerned about being so far from home.' explained the Turtle. 'By the way, do you have any saltwater?'

'Sure.' said Bulma. 'We'll fix you right up.'

She went inside and returned a few minutes later with a pail filled with water. The Tortoise gulped it down, then looked up again. 'Good seawater. Aromatic, yet full-bodied.'

'Yeah, I think it's an 87.' said Bulma.

'Nope, 86.' corrected the Turtle.

'Really? Are you sure?' asked Bulma.

The Turtle nodded. 'I know my water.'

'So what are you doing here?' asked Bulma at last.

'Well to make a long story incredibly short, it's simple I'm lost.' said the Turtle. 'I've been trying to find my way back to the sea for over a year now.'

'Thats so sad.' said Bulma 'And your still not anywhere near the sea. Hang on, let me go check my map. Wait here a second.'

Kakarot and the turtle awaited her return, and finally, she did, carrying a book of maps. 'Bad news.' said Bulma 'Your still a hundred miles away.'

'Gosh, that'll take me twenty years.' muttered the Turtle.

'That sounds like a long time.' noted Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Bulma. 'I wish there was a way we could help you.'

Kakarot considered the matter. It did not benefit him in any way and could waste a great deal of both their time. But it would annoy Bulma, and that was alright with him. 'You know I could carry you to the sea.' he said.

'Are you nuts?!' asked Bulma.

'You said you wanted to help.' replied Kakarot.

'I didn't mean that for real.' said Bulma. 'We're on an adventure, we don't have time to transport a beached turtle okay!'

'You shouldn't wish for things you don't want.' noted Kakarot. 'As it is I'm sick of you.'

'You're sick of me? What do you mean by that?' asked Bulma in a fury.

'If we're so pressed for time why did you just spend the whole morning in front of a mirror?' asked Kakarot.

'Fine!' she snapped. 'You want to go help the stupid turtle go ahead! I can find the dragonballs by myself!'

Thus, without caring one way or another for the creatures fate, Kakarot picked up the Turtle and set it on his back. 'Are woman like this where you are from?'

'No.' said the Turtle. 'Most have tails.'

Thus Kakarot made his way off into the distance as Bulma made faces and cried curses to the wind. Finally, when he was gone, Bulma remained where she was for a long moment. Then she became aware of a red tyrannasaurus rex the size of a mountain marching in the distance. It was right about this point that Bulma became aware that she was all alone in a very dangerous place.

The world.

A scant moments later Bulma was speeding down the highway on a motorcycle. She was still dressed in her night dress. 'Stop!' she cried to Kakarot in the distance. 'I mean it Kakarot! Stop, or I'll run you down!'

'We'd better stop, that girl scares me.' said the Turtle, and Kakarot slowed to a halt. He glanced at her.

'Careful,' he noted, 'you could mess up your hair riding on that thing.'

'Knock it off!' snapped Bulma. 'I decided to forgive you.'

'Whats the matter? Scared?'

'Scared me? Give me a break, let's just go find those Dragonballs.'

Kakarot wondered how long it would take to reach the turtles home. And what adventures he would face along the way.

Authors Note:

And the next chapter of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs has been updated. It now reflects current standards of quality. Only sixty or so left to go.

We're going to be here a while.