Chapter Four: Oolong the Terrified

Kakarot did not dream often, but tonight he saw a vision. He dreamed that he saw a city, unlike anything he had ever seen. It was under attack by gigantic monkeys, who breathed beams of light. The people of the city fought back, drawing blood with their attacks. Yet they were crushed by the massive limbs of the monkeys. Try as they might they could not defeat the creatures.

Yet, even so, they fought on, without a hope of survival. These people had seen the end coming. The past, future and present were all as one for them. To the last breath they did battle, and not one of them fled or turned tail to escape. Finally, when the last of them fell, the monkeys broke the ruins until nothing was left save rubble.

He awoke the next morning in cold sweat. He felt as though something within that dream was familiar, though he could not guess as to what. His memories of the time before he came into Master Gohan's tutelage were fuzzy. They frequently fled from his mind only to return suddenly.

He looked to where Bulma was sleeping in the bed on the second Capsule House she had set out so far. She seemed to be dreaming of something quite pleasant. She rolled over, and her loose hair fell over her face as she murmured something to herself.

Kakarot wondered if the monkeys were some manner of beast. Perhaps utilized by those who had assigned him his mission. If so it would explain why they were clad in armor, and destroying things. He went back to sleep.

The next morning they awoke bright and early and continued their journey.

When he had first begun his journey on the motorcycle, the experience had been thrilling. However, as they continued through a series of mountains it had become rather dull. Bulma herself seemed to be tired of it as well. She went faster and faster, even as the risk of losing control.

Kakarot and Bulma had already collected four of the seven magic Dragonballs. Now with only three more to find before they could make their wish. According to Bulma's radar, the dragonball wasn't far off.

Kakarot noticed that Bulma was veering a bit to the side. 'Bulma, pay attention. You need to go left.'

'Listen squirt; I'm the one with the driver's license so shut up and sit doooown!' At that moment they veered off the road, off the hill into the air to careen downwards towards the road beyond. They landed with a crash at the base of the hill.

Kakarot was thrown from his seat to fly spinning away, only to land on his feet. Bulma in the meantime landed in a heap and groaned.

'Are you alright?' asked Kakarot.

'Does it look like I'm okay you twerp?!' she asked, shuddering and crying.

'Apparently not.' said Kakarot, before he noticed the three star ball at his feet. It was glowing, and he picked it up to gaze at it. 'Bulma, the Dragonball is glowing.'

That improved her mood, as she opened her eyes and snatched it from his hand to marvel at it. She looked up with a smile. 'You know what this means, don't you? The fifth ball must be close! This is great!'

'And look over there.' said Kakarot, motioning with his staff. 'See that?'

'A village!' cried Bulma in joy. 'Good eye kid!'

'Do you think its there?' asked Kakarot.

'Well, there is only one way to find out.' decided Bulma.

Drawing out yet another motorcycle capsule and using it, the two travelers went on. They headed for the quint looking village ahead of them. When they arrived, however, they found the streets oddly deserted, and the air tinged with fear. They dismounted from the motorcycle and began to look around.

'I wonder where everybody is.' said Bulma, drawing out her Dragon Radar. 'Let's see what the Radar says... Yep. The fifth Dragonball is here alright.' she gazed around. 'Something is weird. It's too quiet. Maybe this village has been deserted.'

'No.' said Kakarot. 'People are here. I can sense them.'

'Are you sure, Kakarot?' asked Bulma. Her voice was doubtful. 'It looks more like a ghost town to me.'

'Yeah, I'm positive.' said Kakarot.

'If you say so.' Bulma shrugged.

Then without further ado, they began calling for anyone to hear them. 'Hello! Can anyone hear me! Come on out; we're not violent!' Called Kakarot.

'Hello, is anybody home?' asked Bulma. 'Hello?!'

'I think I just saw someone peeking at us from that window over there.' said Kakarot.

'This is getting freaky.' said Bulma.

'There must be some reason why they are afraid of us.' said Kakarot. 'We haven't done anything to deserve this kind of treatment. I'm going to find out.' And he approached the nearby door, labeled 'Sherman Priest' and knocked three times. 'Hello! I know you're in there! Come out before I force the issue!'

There was a long pause.

Then Kakarot broke a hole in the door and used that to grab the door knob on the inside. 'That worked.'

'Ever consider using that handle?' asked Bulma.

Kakarot paid her no heed and entered. It was dark within, for the curtains were all drawn so that almost no light was allowed into the room. A shadow moved in the darkness. A blade gleamed in the light from the door, and then came the attack!

An axe lanced downwards and collided with Kakarot's skull. He winced and yowled in pain, even as the blade shattered into a dozen pieces. As Kakarot clutched at his bruising head, a normal looking man with a broken axe handle in one hand. He was trembling fearfully.

'Oh no... its just as I feared. I should have known...' The man mumbled to himself.

Kakarot withdrew his power pole in one smooth movement. 'You just hit me on the head with a hatchet. Give me one good reason not to return the favor!'

The man stepped back a pace, before bringing his hands into the form of a prayer. 'Oh forgive me Lord Oolong! I know it was foolish to try to attack you, but I'd rather die than lose my daughter!' It was now that Kakarot became aware of a brown haired girl with long braided hair. She wore a bandana with a feather through it.

Pacified by his begging, Kakarot sheathed his pole. 'Sorry, but you seem to have me mistaken with someone else. My name is Kakarot.'

'It's not him dad!' said the daughter.

Apparently, the scene was being watched by others as well. Soon a whole crowd of people was massing at the door, and Bulma was forced inside. They murmuring and spoke in hushed tones to each other.

Over the next few minutes, water was drawn into a bucket, and a cold cloth put over Kakarot's head to help sooth the pain. 'This should help.' said the man's daughter. The man himself remained some ways away, looking more than a little shamefaced. Not at all a sufficient expression for one who has slammed a hatchet into a twelve-year-old's skull.

'He could have been killed!' cried Bulma, sharing Kakarot's opinion. 'Shame on you!'

'I thought he was Oolong!' objected the man. 'I was only trying to protect my daughter!'

'So you are a girl.' realized Kakarot, glancing up at the Man's daughter. 'Then a girl is female offspring. This is informative.'

'So what does this Oolong do that makes everyone so afraid of him?' asked Bulma.

At these words, the girl began to cry and ran into her Fathers arms. He held her close and looked up, grim-faced. 'He's our worst nightmare. He's a blackness that has descended on our village, a monster who treats us like his toys.'

'That bad?' asked Bulma, sounding like she only half believed him.

'Much worse.' said the Man.

'How so?' asked Kakarot.

'Well, somehow this terrible creature has the power to change into any shape it wants to. Instead of one nightmare, we're cursed by many. No one knows his real identity; we just know he wants our daughters. That monster has kidnapped three girls from the village already.'

Bulma and Kakarot looked at each other, now believing his story was truthful, at least as far as he knew. The man continued on regardless.

'And yesterday my darkest fears came true.' said the man. 'He wants my daughter. Pokawatha. Yesterday he came to us in the form of a red-skinned devil. He proclaimed that he would honor us by taking my daughter's hand in marriage tomorrow.

'Pack your bags Pokewatha. and don't worry about the dowry tag' The red skinned fiend had said. Then he marched off laughing, and the tremor of his footsteps could have broken rock.

'Hmm,' said Kakarot, 'well that sounds like an entertaining diversion. Up for trapping a shapeshifting demon, Bulma?'

'How will you do that?' asked the man. 'He's bigger than this house. My word, you don't get it, do you. Oolong would squish you like a little bug. There is no way to stop this monster.'

There was absolute silence. Kakarot considered how indebted he felt to a person who had whacked him on the head with an axe. He concluded that he was willing to let this village rot. His head was still sore.

'So tell us,' continued the man, 'why have you two come here anyway?'

Bulma seemed glad for a change of subject. 'I'll show you.' she said, unholstering her bag and placing it on the ground. She unzipped it then reached inside to begin rummaging around. 'Let's see...'

She drew out the three star ball. 'We came to find a ball that matches this one.' She passed it to the man, who adjusted his glasses and gazed at it.

'Strange... yes... it's very beautiful.' said the man. 'But I've never seen anything like it.'

'Another brilliant piece of information from the fawning axeman.' muttered Kakarot in irritation at his uselessness.

'Well I have.' said an elderly woman from the crowd as she pushed her way to the front. She wore a red bonnet, and violet robes. 'Young lady I have the matching one.'

'I knew there was one here!' proclaimed Bulma.

'What do you know, how bout that.' said the man, useless as always.

'Why are you even here?' asked Kakarot.

'This is my house.' objected the man.

'...And?' asked Kakarot after a moment.

Bulma whacked him over the head.

'What was that for?!' snapped Kakarot.

'What do you think?' hissed Bulma. 'Now stop sabotaging negotiations!' Then she turned back to the old woman. 'Can I see it please?'

'Hmmhmm.' nodded the old woman, before reaching into her pack and withdrawing it. Sure enough, it was a dragonball, with six red stars in the center. Bulma and Kakarot got a closer look.

'Wow!' said Bulma. 'The six star ball. Cool.'

'Yes, cool indeed. Hand it over,' said Kakarot, before catching Bulma's death glare and sighing, 'please hand it over.'

'I'm not going to give this ball away,' said the Woman 'its been in my family for generations.'

'Then why bring it up in the first place?!' asked Kakarot.

The old woman did not dignify that statement with a response.

Bulma thought for a moment. '...Would you give it to us if we could defeat that Oolong creep? We could get the girls back and return your village to a peaceful place again.'

'By yourselves?' asked the man in a breathless tone. Kakarot resisted the urge to punch him. With his luck, he'd end up caving in the morons skull and have to find a new partner. There were wonderous and excited murmurs from the crowd.

'Now listen,' said the old woman, 'I may be old, but I'm not gullible. How could the two of you defeat Oolong?'

Bulma got a faraway, and 'I'm so clever' sort of look in her eyes and smiled. 'Well Kakarot and I are quite a team, y'know.'

'If by team, you mean "a boy and his milestone", then yes.' said Kakarot, before being once more beaten over the head by Bulma.

'Shut up.' she hissed.

'Do you think that you and that kid have a chance to beat Oolong, miss?' asked someone from the crowd, because apparently, his viewpoint didn't matter. Bulma was all smiles again.

'Yeah, I'd say we have a pretty good chance.' said Bulma. 'Kakarot's a little on the puny side, but he packs a wallop. Don't you kid?'

'If by 'packs a wallop' you mean 'excells at killing things fifty times my size', then yes.' said Kakarot, feeling a bit proud.

'I'm Bulma,' Bulma continued. 'I'm the brains and moral conscience of the outfit.'

'This does not bode well.' muttered Kakarot.

'Would you forgive me for hitting you,' asked the man, 'we'd appreciate your help.'

'Never in a million years.' said Kakarot. 'But I'll still help you.'

'There is a legend that speaks of a boy who would come to liberate our people.' said another man. 'But we always thought it was just folklore.'

The old woman nodded.

'Bulma!' said a younger woman. 'It would be the answer to all my prayers if you brought my baby back!'

It was at this point that a man clad as a native american came right the hell out of nowhere. He grabbed Kakarot by the hands. 'You have my blessing young warrior. Your courage stands as a great monument among my people!'

'Uh...' Kakarot had nothing to say, interestingly enough.

Bulma smirked and laughed to herself, eccentric as always. She was planning something. 'I just thought of a great way to trap Oolong.'

Five minutes later Kakarot was wearing a dress and bonnet. His urge to destroy the world was rising. After all that had been his assigned duty when he first got here, the voices in his head told him so. Even so, he pressed them down. He was not yet certain that he was the strongest thing on this miserable world. He would bide his time.

'Alright!' cheered Bulma. 'You look great kid! You'd be totally charming if you smiled a bit more!'

'Someday Bulma... someday...' he murmured in fury.

'Sorry kid, no time for it.' said Bulma.

'Gosh Kakarot, you make a real pretty girl.' said Pokewatha in amusement.

'Don't push your luck.' he snapped.

'Now remember Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'don't blow your cover. He has to think you are Pokewatha. The important thing is to find out where he's keeping the girls. After that...'

'I can mess him up?' asked Kakarot.

'...you can handle it anyway you want to.' finished Bulma.

'Very well. I will comply with this plan.' lied Kakarot. He had a plan of his own, and he meant to stick by it. All of a sudden the room shook, the lamps swayed from side to side where they were hanging. Bulma cried aloud in shock.

'Its Oolong!' cried the man. 'He's coming!'

A door was thrown open, and a man with a cowboy hat peeked in. 'Oolongs in the village and he's on his way here.'

'Good job.' said Bulma, taking charge from the doorway. 'Now try to make sure everyone gets into their houses.'

'I'll do it.' said the man, before rushing off. As he did so, Kakarot walked out the door, and Bulma looked down to him.

'Okay,' she said, 'its up to you. Good luck.'

'Seeing as you are the moral conscience of this group, I assume you won't be helping at all.' said Kakarot as Bulma shoved him out and shut the door. 'That's what I thought. Time to get this over with.'

'I'll be right here rooting for you Kakarot.' she said through the broken hole in the door as the thunderous footsteps grew louder. 'Showtime Kakarot. Make sure he can't get a good look at your face, and remember to smile.'

Kakarot turned away in full from the approaching enemy as Bulma retreated. Kakarot looked at the dress he was wearing in disgust.

'Hello buttercup!' came a snarling voice. 'I brought you some flowers! I hope you like them sweetheart!'

This plan was getting worse and worse all the time. He did his best to fake a female voice. 'I love flowers.' He remembered then that he still had his power pole on. Hopefully, Oolong wouldn't notice.

'Packed your rolling pin?' asked Oolong before exhaling as though imagining food. 'And I see you've put on a little weight.'

'Yeah, look whose talking.' replied Kakarot.

'You scamp!' exclaimed Oolong's voice, though not particularly angry. 'A little feisty today aren't we?'

'Kakarot, where did you learn how to act?' hissed Bulma through the door. 'If you don't shape up your going to blow this thing big time.'

'That's good.' said Oolong. 'I like em feisty. I wouldn't change anything on you except maybe that ugly scarf.' Kakarot suppressed his every fiber as it told him to rip tear and maim without mercy. 'Oh my, your trembling. Your scared. Well, I get my feelings hurt when girls are scared of me! No more!' Then he roared aloud in a sound to echo across the valleys.

There was a tense silence during which Kakarot wondered what form he was taking now. He turned and looked back, and saw a tall man in a white coal. He had a cain by his side, and short black hair. He half bowed. 'What do you think of this? Suave, debonair handsome? If you don't like it I can always change into something else.'

It was about this point that the door was flung open. Bulma appeared with practical hearts in her eyes as she looked, for lack of a better word, lovestruck. 'Well hello there stranger, my names Bulma. I don't think we've met.'

Kakarot fell over onto his back in disgust. 'Can't you control yourself for ten minutes? What about the plan?' Not that anyone paid him any heed. The situation spiralled down from not-as-planned, to out-of-control.

'My can such beauty be real?' asked Oolong. 'You must be a dream.'

'Not really.' said Kakarot.

'Nope,' said Bulma, 'I'm all woman.' And she pulled aside her vest, and stuck out her chest. Oolong began oogling her, as Kakarot finally reached his snapping point. Just a bit more, and he would snap.

'So when are you going to kidnap me and take me away?' asked Bulma.

Kakarot snapped.

'Alright, that's it!' snapped Kakarot. 'I'm changing the plan.' And then he tore off his dress and bonnet to reveal his ordinary clothes. 'It's not a rolling pin. It's a power pole. And I'm not a girl, I'm a warrior dressed up as one to lull you into a false sense of security.' He drew his power pole. 'To that end, either you tell me where the missing girls are right now. Or I'll beat it out of you.'

Oolong stared at him in shock and horror for a few moments. Then he screamed in absolute horror, the sound of which echoed throughout the hills. His hair stood up full on end, and he clutched his forhead. 'I've been decieved! You're not Pokewatha!'

'Did the tail and martial arts weapon not tip you off?' asked Kakarot.

'If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is deception!' roared Oolong in fury.

'Go ahead and do something about it.' replied Kakarot.

There was a poof of yellow smoke, and the handsome man gave way to reveal a massive black cow. It towered over Kakarot, packed with muscles upon muscles. Its face, however, was humanoid.

'Congratulations, you've turned into a cow.' said Kakarot. 'I wonder if you'll taste okay.'

'I am not a cow, I am a bull!' snapped Oolong. 'There is a pretty big difference- Wait what?'

'Wow! What happened to my polite, handsome, debonair man with an expensive trenchcoat!' cried Bulma, clutching her head.

'The brains of the operation is talking.' said Kakarot.

'Excuse me.' Bulma said, retreating into the house.

Bulma shut the door behind her, feeling ashamed and humiliated. 'This is just too weird!' She said as she leaned against the frame.

'That monstrous beast is a deceiver. He fools you by transforming into the one thing that you want most.' explained the Father of Pokewatha, choosing to be relevant for once. 'And in your case, that's a man. You should be ashamed of yourself.'

'At least she didn't try to hack a childs skull open with a handaxe!' called Kakarot from outside, as Bulma stammered.

'...Moving on,' said the man, who had evidently rehearsed his lines. 'the good thing is I don't think he wants to marry Pokewatha anymore. He wants to marry you instead.'

Pokewatha, who didn't seem to be taking the matter all that seriously, smiled and looked at her. 'You'll make a nice bride Bulma.'

'What kind of girl do you think I am?!' snarled Bulma. 'I'm not getting married to a bull, and thats that!'

Meanwhile, back on the outside, Kakarot continued to gaze over the bull like a piece of meat. The bull did his best to look intimidating. 'So do you transform back to your natural form when you die?' asked Kakarot. 'Because I'm hungry.'

'What?!' said the bull. 'That's cannibalism!'

'Not really.' said Kakarot with a broad smile. 'I have it on good authority that I'm the only one of my kind on this planet anyway. So what you mean is 'you are sentient and civilized people don't eat sentients' to which I reply 'I grew up in the wilds.''

There was a long, long, tense silence as Kakarot began walking forward, licking his chops. Oolong backed away in fear. All of a sudden he turned and broke into a fleeing run, and Kakarotpursuedd.

'No wait!' called Bulma as the two rushed towards the gate. 'Don't eat him! We need to know where he's keeping the girls!'

However, Bulma's cries fell on deaf ears. For a great madness of hunger was now upon Kakarot, and he pursued the bull around the corner and-

And...

Where did the bull go?

A anthopormorphic pig dressed in a green flight uniform leaned back against the wall. 'You, pig, have you seen a giant bull come through here?' asked Kakarot bluntly. 'Keep in mind, I'm hungry.'

'There.' said the pig, pointing the direction the bull had been running before. Kakarot raced past him after the bull without further words, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

It was at this point that the pig, whose name was Oolong, turns to you and smiles slyly.

'Hi! This is the bonofide 100% original me. Believe it or not, a good looking guy like myself has trouble scoring chicks. That's why I transform.

The art of transformation is a very ancient technique. It should be used responsibly. In my case, I was being dogged by girls left and right, due to my natural cute and cuddly appearance. But now that I'm out of shapeshifting school all that's changed.

The problem is I can only hold a shape for five minutes and then poof! That's why I had to run away from the kid.'

The broken forth wall aside, Bulma was having an enlightened conversation.

You say Oolong ran away.' said Pokewatha's Father, as they peered out of the doorway.

'Yeah,' said Bulma, 'I saw him take off. And Kakarot went after him.'

'Remarkable, what an extrordinary boy!' exclaimed Pokewatha's father.

'Yeah, Kakarot will chase him to the ends of the earth if he has to.' noted Bulma.

'Maybe its the legend after all.' murmured Pokewatha's Father.

'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' came the roar from the distance.

'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' Went the roar again.

Kakarot was in a rage. 'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' He roared, as he retraced his steps, holding his power pole in clenched hands.

'Couldn't find him huh?' asked Oolong.'

'Nope.' said Kakarot as he marched on by. Oolong snickered wickedly to himself as Kakarot disappeared around the corner.

'Alright,' said Kakarot, 'so Oolong ran away. Even so, I don't expect he could have taken the girls all that far. It's somewhere within walking distance.'

'Okay,' said Oolong to the audiance, 'here we go. But I'd better watch it or this kid could ruin a good thing. If I want to keep these simpletons in line, I'm going to have to come up with something really fierce.' He walked to stand at the threshold of the gate. 'Ah, I know a good one.'

'Hmm, what a coward.' muttered Kakarot in disappointment.

Then Oolong transformed.

Kakarot turned round, and saw, towering over him a massive creature. It went clad in dark armor with an axe handle on his head. In one gigantic hand was gripped two massive chopsticks, and his face was covered by a black shrowd. His eyes were unto glass, and he held a bowl in his right hand, filled with soup. 'Looking for me kid?!' asked the giant. 'Did you really think I'd run away!'

'Actually yes.' said Kakarot.

'You look timid, tiny tot-'

Then Kakarot roared and leaped through the air, power pole still sheathed. He gripped Oolong by the right arm. Oolong reeled as he squeezed, and the soup spilled all over Oolong's chest plate. He fell backward and landed with a crash. He rolled and fought, desperately trying to loose Kakarot's furious grip on his arm.

Those of you who have heard, the tale of Beowulf and Grendel will have an unpleasant idea of where this is going. Fortunately for us, Oolong as a young pig had learned the tale himself. And he had no desire to have his arm torn off.

'I don't think your as strong as you say you are.' said Kakarot ruefully as he squeezed tighter.

'To HFIL with this! No girl is worth this!' he snapped, and he transformed into a large red bat. Kakarot's grip was loosened by virtue of no longer having a limb to grip and he landed with a crash on the ground. 'Later sucker!'

And he flew off into the distance.

'Hey get back here and fight you coward!' snapped Kakarot after him. 'We were only just getting started!'

'Don't just stand there,' called Bulma, 'go after him kid!'

'With what?!' snapped Kakarot. 'I couldn't use that stupid Nimbus! So unless your witchcraft can create me a plane, I can't exactly- Wait... plane.

'Of course! I don't need a Nimbus! I've got a Power Pole!' And he drew out his power pole. 'Power pole extend!'

And with that he was launched high into the air by his powerpole, sending him flying towards the bat. The villagers watched as he used his power pole again to throw himself farther and higher.

'This is just like from the old legend.' said a villager. 'Except he's using a stick instead of dancing on the clouds.'

'I'll take it.' said the old woman.

Kakarot in the meantime continued to rush after Oolong, who was getting closer and closer.

'Power pole extend!'

'Power pole extend!'

'Power pole extend!'

He was now close enough that he could use his power pole to whack him out of the air. He raised it. 'Hang on a second, if I break his neck nobody will be able to tell us where the Girls are. I don't particularly like that village back there, but it would be a shame to leave a task half complete.

My master taught me that much. Oh and mercy, whatever that is.'

'Power pole extend!'

Several hundred feet above the ground, Oolong was feeling satisfied. Even if it had technically been a failure. The fact was that most people he scammed usually figured out he wasn't that powerful sooner or later. He was used to being run out of town. 'That kid was a royal pain in the arm.' said arm was still sore. 'Good thing he doesn't know how to fly.'

'No, but I can pole vault, moron!' snapped a voice, and Oolong saw what he had though was impossible. The kid from before was persuing him by lengthening a red stick to send himself high into the air and forward. He seemed to cross miles like it was nothing.

Oolong did the only sane and rational thing there was to do in such a situation. He transformed into a rocket and surged off. He'd only ever used this form once before, to escape a seriously dangerous situation. Now he was using it to escape a kid, and that was just humiliating.

Kakarot in the meantime began increasing his speed of pole vaulting. Oolong was fast, he had to admit, but Kakarot could keep him in sight. And really, keep him in sight was all he had to do. Sooner or later Oolong would get tired.

He continued following Oolong until his arms burned with the exertion. Kakarot came to suspect that this would have been much easier with a Nimbus. He was beginning to get tired. Little by little the cold air and endless straining was taking away the feeling in his hands.

Then, just as he thought he wouldn't be able to do one more vault, Oolong stopped in midair. 'Oh no, my five minutes!' he said, before transforming out and proceeding to fall downwards to what would sure be his death. Kakarot smirked. Then he planted the power pole in the ground directly beneath him.

He lowered himself downwards towards Oolong, who was sputtering and raving. 'I'm not ready to die!' he said.

Kakarot caught him by the hands moment before he hit the ground. 'Give me a minute.'

Not that Kakarot actually did any real roughing up of Oolong after that point. He didn't even beat him up any, just dragged him back to the village. He wasn't in the mood, and mood was everything if you wanted to initiate a proper beatdown. =

Not to mention that it was very difficult to beatdown someone without at least some risk of serious injury. Oddly enough, though it was a long way away, the walk back to the village didn't seem like all that long. Perhaps it was because he had exerted himself so much along the way, but it passed in a breeze.

Bulma and the villagers surrounded Oolong. For a moment Kakarot was hoping to watch a lynching. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like any of them were willing to risk their daughters. Bulma confronted Oolong herself. 'Well now porky, what do you have to say for yourself?'

'Begging for mercy like a dog would be in order.' suggested Kakarot eagerly.

'Please don't kill and eat me.' said Oolong fearfully.

'You get a pass.' said Kakarot.

'I can't believe I was scared of that pig.' said an old man.

'Now where's my granddaughter and the rest of the girls.' said the old woman from before.

'At... home.' said Oolong tentatively.

'What home?!' said a village man.

'Look, pal, your reign of terror is over capiche!' snapped Bulma.

'He's even less terrifying than this guy.' said Kakarot, motioning to the man who had hit him with an axe.

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Bulma, before turning back to Oolong. 'Now tell us!'

'I can't help but notice, Bulma, that your reserves of courage are inversely proportionate to the level perceived threat.' said Kakarot.

But that was more or less the end of it. Oolong led them, with a rope tied around his waist, through the forest paths. Several times he glanced back, as if contemplating an escape, but he made no attempt to slip his coils. 'Please turn into a bug so I can crush you.' said Kakarot. 'As a personal favor.'

Oolong groaned in irritation.

'Where exactly is this shack of yours?' asked the old man. 'Is it far?'

At this Oolong's mood improved greatly for reasons which Kakarot could not understand. They continued journeying for about an hour, until the sun was beginning to set. Then they turned the corner, and came upon a genuine palace with a red wall surrounding it. Oolong turned back smugly. 'Here's my little shack.'

'Awesome.' said Bulma. 'You don't see houses like that everyday! What a palace!'

'How did you afford this?' asked Kakarot.

'Well, it wasn't easy, kiddo. I had to rip off a lot of people.' said Oolong proudly.

'And your proud of that.' surmised Kakarot.

Oolong nodded.

At that moment the parents burst into action, rushing up the stairs and into the home.

'Little flower! It's me! Your papa is here!'

'Your mothers here Sarah!'

'Your safe now sweetheart!'

'Don't worry girls! We're coming!'

Following after them, Kakarot and the others rushed through the spacious halls. As they did, he marveled at the size and ornate nature of the walls around him. Then the parents came to an abrupt halt. Kakarot raced up behind them and saw what they saw. It was a large room, decorated with many ferns. Within were three girls. One was dressed in a yoga costume, and stretching, another was lounging with a soda in a glass cup. The third was leaning against the wall.

'Sarah is that you?' asked her mother of the lounging one.

'Lexi, what are you doing?!'

'Oh hi Daddy, whats happening?' asked Lexi as she looked up from her stretches.

'Sorry I didn't write mommy.' said Sarah. 'I've been super busy.'

'Me two.' said the third girl. 'Man, the time has just been flying by.'

'Did you find them?' asked Bulma as she and Oolong arrived.

'Oh hi snookems.' said Lexi. 'Oh, and before I forget, I'm totally out of lip stick and red nail polish.'

'And I need a new hair dryer.'

'Did you bring the diet drinks that I asked you for?'

Oolong looked like a man who had come to a new realization. 'I was hoping these girls would cook and take care of my house, but they won't. All they want to do is lie around. Take them off my hands pretty please!'

There was a long, awkward silence. The old woman turned to Bulma. 'Well, this belongs to you and Kakarot now.' And she offered her the Six Star Ball.

'Wow! You made our day!' said Bulma as she snatched it away. But what she thought was:

'Just two more to go. And then I can call the Dragon to make my wish!'

Author's Note:

I remember this chapter. When I wrote this I wasn't going to make the story nearly as AU as I have. I'm glad I dropped that gig. Enjoy.t gets better as you go.