Chapter Five: Yamcha the Desert Bandit

Once upon a time, there was an old martial artist who lived alone in the woods. He lived off the land and communed often with nature. Then one day, while out walking he came across a young child, abandoned by a space pod. Taking pity on the poor boy, he took him in, meaning to raise him as his own son. However, the boy proved wild and uncontrollable. He kept rebelling and running away until the old man was at his wit's end. During this time, the only thing which seemed to calm the boy was fresh mountain air.

One day, while the old man, whose name was Gohan, was walking with the boy in a basket on his back. The boy began thrashing and yelling. He leaped out of the basket and almost fell over the edge of a cliff. He was only saved when his tail caught on a nearby tree branch, which in turn snapped.

Gohan grabbed the branch as it fell, and almost died himself. But after a massive effort, he succeeded in pulling the boy back to safe ground.

After that, the boy became quiet and far less wild. He no longer rejected the old man's kindness, yet neither did he become cheerful. The old man would have named him Goku, however, the boy did not respond to this. 'My name...' He began in the first words Gohan had heard him speak. 'My name is Kakarot.'

Kakarot was older now. Much older than he had been last he remembered. His limbs were longer, his shoulders broader. He did not wear the power pole. He was walking...

Walking onto an arena, and before him stood a being, armored in green. His face was human, yet not human. His eyes were coldly amused. Yet they also held anticipation within them. Kakarot was afraid.

He had never felt fear before.

'I have seen this moment in my dreams.' His voice said.

'Hey kid!' said a voice. 'Kid! You okay? Why are you shaking?!'

Kakarot awoke with a start, to the low hum of a boat engine as they cut through the water like a knife. He a hand upon him and shook it off. Then he realized it was only Bulma. 'What is it? Are we nearly there?'

'Well we're getting there.' said Bulma from the driver seat. She was piloting the boat through a narrow ravine, with a river at the bottom. 'The good news is we've only got two more Dragonballs to find. The bad news is that we're heading into some more dangerous territory.'

They surged along the river as it gradually widened. The shore on either side became little by little less heavily wooded, and more barren. 'So what were you dreaming about?' asked Bulma, curious.

'Well at first I was dreaming about when I first met my Master,' said Kakarot, 'then it... got worse. Scary I suppose is the word.'

'What could scare you, kid?' asked Bulma, looking surprised.

'It was a man... but not quite like a man.' said Kakarot. 'I saw him, and I could not help but feel as though he was looking back at me. Through me even. He was tall, and clad in green and black armor, sort of chitinous like a bug.'

'That doesn't sound scary.' noted Bulma.

'You wouldn't be saying that if he appeared in your dreams.' said Kakarot bluntly.

'Was he cute?'

'Excuse me?'

'Nevermind.' said Bulma, voice taking on a tone akin to what she had held when facing Oolong. 'He just sounds very handsome is all.'

'...You're an idiot.' said Kakarot after a moment. 'You're an idiot and I don't want to discuss this with you anymore.' He sighed and leaned back in his seat, watching the water rush by them as they continued on their way. 'Where are we going anyway?'

'Let me see,' said Bulma, drawing out a map.'We're going to a place called Fire Mountain.'

'That sounds quaint.' noted Kakarot.

'Quint's not exactly the word I would use.' said Bulma 'I think I heard that its ruled by some guy called the Ox King or something. Real unfriendly type, but nothing you couldn't handle I'm sure.'

'Your probably right.' Kakarot started admiring nature. He really wasn't in the mood. 'Oh look. A tree. It is green.'

They passed by a waterfall which scenically flowed into the river. Before it shone a rainbow, as fish swam in an out, and water gushed among the rocks. After an hour more of journeying, they paused their journey to eat some sandwiches. The village had packed them in gratitude for saving them from Oolong.

They soon continued their journey. However, they had not gotten far before the boat skidded to a halt. That left them drifting in the middle of the lake. Bulma looked in frustration at her arcane instruments. 'That's great, we're out of gas!'

'Is that like being out of food?' asked Kakarot, curious.

'Very good.' said Bulma with an element of sarcasm. 'That's exactly what it's like Kakarot.'

'Then just feed the boat.' said Kakarot.

Bulma sighed. 'Well, I might have been able to, if someone hadn't flatly refused to bring Oolong with us. If you'd just listened to me, he could have turned into a tank of gas.'

'Wait.' said Kakarot. 'That's why you wanted to bring Oolong along with us? So that you could use his blood to power your motorboat, rather than bring an extra fuel tank. Your Witchcraft is one thing, but that's depraved!'

Bulma let that one pass. '...Or he could have turned into a paddle, allowing us to get to shore.'

'Or, here's a bright idea,' said Kakarot, taking out his power pole. 'I could extend my power pole and use that to push us to shore. Power pole extend.' And he proceeded to do exactly that with only a little effort. 'I told you we didn't need him.'

Kakarot leaped ashore, and tied the boat to a tree before Bulma stepped out after him. As they reached the shore, Bulma stretched. 'Well, it's nice being back on firm ground again. Now we just need to get out our dinocaps...' She reached into her pocket. She stopped. She checked her other pocket. 'My... dino-caps... they're missing. AH! We're trapped in a wasteland with no way to get oouuut!' And she proceeded to run back and forth like a headless chicken, screaming. 'I'll bet Oolong took our Dino-Caps that little porker!'

'What's the problem?' asked Kakarot, inclined to ask.

'You don't understand!' whined Bulma. 'Without the Dino-Caps we're stuck here! No boats, no bikes, no cars, nothing! Nada!' And she gazed up at the sky with despair. For a moment Kakarot thought she had undergone some terrible revelation. Then reality caught up with him.

'All it means,' he surmised, 'is that we'll have to walk.'

'Oh if only we were able to use that Flying Nimbus, we might have stood a chance!' whined Bulma. 'Why aren't I pure of heart? I'm pretty and good hearted, that cloud was defective!'

'We could walk.' repeated Kakarot.

'That's easy for you to say! You're used to rough living!' whined Bulma.

Thus she continued to lament and whine, while Kakarot observed. There is only so long one can continue to lament ones lack of transportation. Eventually you have to get on your feet. Kakarot waited several more minutes as she continued unstopped and unhalted. After a while, she seemed to be doing it more out of habit than anything else.

'You're a witch!' he snapped at last. 'Use your witchcraft to fix the problem!'

'Will you quit being so naive!' she snapped 'If I were a Witch I wouldn't need the Dragonballs to grant my wishes.' Now she seemed to be calming down somewhat. 'The dino caps are just a bit of science to bring civilization to the wasteland. And... we don't have any...'

Kakarot sighed.

The art of catching Dragonballs on a spinning umbrella is an ancient art which is little known. Not because it is difficult, but also because learning requires all seven dragonballs. And if one ever makes a wish, then there go your practice materials.

Kakarot and Oolong are the only known wielders of said art.

And now for something completely different.

Bulma and Kakarot made their way through the beating sun. It was not long on their journey before the grass and trees gave way to endless baked dry dirt. There were white oddly shaped arcs of rock visible in every direction. In the sun the white rocks looked like bones or teeth and they soon were all sweating.

It was uncharted. Unexplored, and uncool.

Bulma was supporting herself on a stick she found earlier. Her nubile form was soaked with sweat as she trudged on behind Kakarot. Kakarot checked his pace to allow her to keep up, however it wasn't long before he became more than a little annoyed.

'Look this is your quest.' said Kakarot at last. 'The least you could do is try to keep up with it.'

'Just remember,' said Bulma, 'you're not a city kid Kakarot. You're used to the wilderness, but I'm not! I should be pampered!' She gazed at her surroundings. 'My gosh, look at this place...'

On the horizon, many jagged rocks and cliffs stood up like great claws.

'I'll admit something doesn't seem right.' conceded Kakarot. 'I feel as though we are being watched. That some unseen figure even now gazes upon us. Calculating.'

Bulma pulled off her hat and collapsed to the ground. 'I can't stand it! I'm going crazy!'

'you're giving up then?' asked Kakarot, curious.

'No.' said Bulma 'Yes... Maybe I don't know!' She quieted for a moment, before gazing at her sweat drenched form. Then she snapped. 'I want a bath! I need air conditioning! I don't want to be stranded in the desert without a boyfriend or my dino caps anymore!' And as she spoke she slid on her back into the shade of an overhanging cliff.

'...Her passion for selfcenteredness inspires even me.' said Oolong. He was in a different location. So he had absolutely no way of knowing about what was occurring.

'Ah, shade...' said Bulma, 'nap time.'

Kakarot sighed. 'Well, I suppose I'd better let her rest for a bit. Or go hunting. Then again I'm not all that hungry right now, so whatever.'

Had he but known it, he was being observed even now through a telescope. From where she sat at the heights of a Desert Hideout, Paur pulled down the binoculars and smiled. 'Victims...' She said with a smile and laughed to herself. She leaped down the ladder and into a seat across from someone else. 'Yamcha! Yamcha! Victims woohoo!'

Yamcha was a tall, handsome teenager with long wild black hair and tan skin. He was dressed in green and orange and wore the symbol of happiness on his shirt. How ver he was no one to be trifled with. 'Well, it's about time.' He chuckled.

He made his way to a cliff overlooking the barren desert around them and gazed over his domain. It was somewhat more barren than usual. 'We've had quite a dry spell since we hijacked that caravan, eh Paur?'

'Their right down there, Yamcha.' said Paur. 'Can you see them? Can you see them?'

'I only see one.' said Yamcha. 'Just a kid.'

'The other is resting in the shade.' said Paur.

'Fair enough.' he said with a smirk. 'This should be no problem.'

And far away, from where he was resting, Kakarot heard something. A low hum, like the engines of a Motorcycle. He looked up, and saw, rushing towards him, a great smoke cloud. And before that smoke cloud was a hoverbike, and on that hoverbike was a man. The man that Kakarot saw bore a sword at his side, and his hair flew around him like a hurricane.

He had a severe expression on his face as he neared and turned the hoverbike to come to a rest in front of Kakarot. Kakarot stood and readied himself. The man stepped off the bike.

'Greetings,' he said, 'I am Yamcha. I am Master of the Land you trespass upon.'

'It's my land too!' said a blue cat, jumping down to stand next to Yamcha's boot.

'You needn't fear me.' said Yamcha. 'Just hand over your money and any dino caps you have, and I will let you pass in peace.'

'Amusing.' said Kakarot, who was aware that his lack of money or dinocaps would make avoiding conflict easy. Unfortunately for Yamcha here, Kakarot was looking for a fight. 'My enemies suicidal overconfidence grows ever the more inexplicable.'

'I'm growing tired of your lip, kid.' said Yamcha. 'Either hand over your goods or prepare to fight me.'

'Allow me to over my counterproposal.' said Kakarot. 'Hand over your bike, and sword, and leave here on foot, and I'll consider letting you live.'

Yamcha's only response was to draw his sword. 'Prepare to defend yourself.'

Kakarot took a stance. 'Try to last long enough for my warm up to be complete.'

Yamcha looked at him in surprise. 'I admire your bravery kid.'

'I don't care.' admitted Kakarot.

There was a tense silence as the two fighters faced eacho ther down. Finally, Kakarot spoke: 'So are we going to do this or what-'

Then Yamcha hurled his sheath spinning high into the air, catching Kakarot's attention. In the split second in which Kakarot's eyes were locked on the sheath, Yamcha was upon him. His sword was slicing downward. Kakarot leapt upward over his back, and narrowly avoided having his legs sliced off. He landed some distance away, right in front of the blue cat thing, who was resting on a sheath. Then he glanced back just in time to see Yamcha descending again with his sword.

Kakarot leaped aside, even as the blade halted mere inches over the head of Yamcha's friend. Kakarot, for his part, drew out his power pole and parried a flurry of blows from Yamcha. He brought his staff around in a double handed strike which he had used to crush the skulls of dinosaurs before. Yamcha caught it on his sword, only straining a little. Then he threw him back, and they leaped away from each other.

Kakarot readied his staff. 'Power Pole extend!' He cried, and it extended.

The move caught Yamcha by surprise, and he was slammed in the stomach. His sword fell from his grasp as he landed some distance away, and righted himself.

'Unbelievable!' cried Paur in dismay.

'You have great power for a little one, don't you?' asked Yamcha as he stood, clutching his chest.

'Well obviously.' stated Kakarot. 'The feeling, by the way, is entirely unmutual. I'll grant that you possess strength beyond that of the average foe I've faced. But if this is all you've got, I expect this will end soon. Your still nothing compared to my Master, and he is nothing compared to me now.'

However, Yamcha was more interested in something else. 'The pole... The extending power pole. Only one man could have given that to you. Who was this Master of yours?'

'His name was Gohan.' said Kakarot. 'And he died a long time ago.' He actually felt something when he said that. Peculiar.

'I knew of him.' said Yamcha. 'Yet even with your magic pole and all that he may have taught you, I'm afraid you are still no match for me.'

'Oh, that's cute.' laughed Kakarot.

'I will have that poles power.' continued Yamcha. 'Give it to me or prepare to fight to the death.' And he took a stance. 'You're not the only one with special powers kid.'

'Adorable!' laughed Kakarot. 'In case you haven't noticed you're down one sword, while I am still-'

'WOLF FANG FIST ATTACK!'

'Wolf Fang what?'

Kakarot had been able to process more than the low padding of his feet like paws on the wasteland. Then the furious charge beset him.

It was like getting hit with a freight train. No wait, it was like getting hit with a dozen freight trains. And they hit every pressure point and vulnerable spot you had. A single leg slammed him in the torso, sending him flying and knocking the wind from him. A flurry of punches slammed him. Then Yamcha finally made a move with his hands that sent Kakarot flying.

By the time Kakarot had comprehended what had happened, he had gone through three pillars of rock. He was promptly buried beneath a mountain of rubble.

'...Ow...' He said in a hoarse voice.

Finally, after a few more moments of waiting, Kakarot shoved the rocks off of him. He stood to begin marching back toward Yamcha, and as he did so a chuckle echoed from his throat. Soon it burst into full-on laughter that echoed throughout the rocks. 'Finally! A worthy opponent! Too long I have waited for this day!'

And then he charged at Yamcha, who looked quite surprised to see him still alive. Even so, Yamcha met his charge, and in a flurry of blows, their fists met. Back, and forth, and around. Yamcha had greater reach, and his style of fighting was more disciplined. But Kakarot held an advantage in strength.

Finally, Kakarot leaped up and dropkicked Yamcha away into a mountain. To Kakarot's disappointment, the mountain did not break. Yamcha merely landed with a crash in the dust after rebounding off of it. Standing swiftly, the bandit wiped the dust from his eyes and charged with a feral roar.

The earth seemed to shake beneath the onslaught of his coming. The air grew tense as Kakarot awaited his enemy's arrival in what would be a battle sung of in tales for years to come.

Unfortunately, those plans were interrupted by Bulma waking up. 'Gee whiz you guys, what's all that screaming about?'

Yamcha stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her. His face grew beat red, his breathing erratic. Bulma stared at him, as though transfixed and for a few long moments they stared as Kakarot waited.

'...Weren't we in the middle of a battle here?' asked Kakarot in annoyance.

Yamcha fell down.

Paur rushed forward. 'Master are you okay?'

'Paur, you know I have trouble around beautiful woman!' snapped Yamcha.

'I know.' said Paur.

And then they leaped onto their Hoverbike and drove off. Kakarot watched them go incredulously. 'No! Really?!' He called after them to receive no response. 'Fine. I didn't want you as a rival anyway.'

'Hey, Kakarot!' said Bulma 'Who was that hunk? He was absolutely dreamy!'

'...I'm going hunting.' was all Kakarot had to say to that.

Meanwhile, back in Yamcha's hideout...

Things were not going well. 'A warrior toppled by a girl is humiliating!' said Yamcha, sound just a touch petulant. Then again, he was sixteen.

'Yamcha, she had nothing to do with it.' said Paur. 'You just tripped.'

Yamcha slammed the table with his fists. 'That's a lie, Paur, and you know it. I froze when I saw her, but I will overcome my fear of woman! Those fools have not heard the last of Yamcha!'

...What he said.

Join us again for the next episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.

Authors note:

So yeah, I cut Oolong from this episode. I expect he will be showing up later, if only because I like his character. But for now, he's not part of the group, probably because of being manhandled by Kakarot. This episode is actually one of my favorites during the early run, because I am, believe it or not, a die hard fan of Yamcha. I feel his character got a really raw deal in the original. I mean to correct that somewhat, power levels be damned.

As for the flash forwards, once again, ten points for the person who guesses what Kakarot's dream was about. Though I don't expect it will be very hard. These visions will definitely have a place in the upcoming story. Of course, I'm only now developing that place.

Also, which famous mythological tale did I reference in the vision sequence? Twenty points for that one, because I expect it will be more difficult. Here's a hint: It got a very famous movie made about it.

Aside from the visions, not much of a change to this chapter. I made the fight between Kakarot and Yamcha a bit less silly, but that's about it. That and they didn't bring Oolong.

Here's to updating two days in a row.