Hey, everyone! Mystery Critic here, back at you with a brand new chapter of Ma Fleur! I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter because there's still so much more to come! I hope you all stick around for so much more because this is not going to be over for a long time! Now, for some absolutely incredible news. The numbers for this story are through the roof, at heights I never thought it would reach. I know I say this a lot, but it keeps happening. So, I'm going to keep saying it. I dare you to try and stop me. At the time of posting this, the number of reviews is 555. The amount of favorites is 1,722. The amount of followers is at an astounding 2,367. It'll probably change by the time you read this, so let's just say the views have peaked 440,000. I have all of you to thank for this amazing sight. All the love this story gets, it makes me smile every time I look at it. You are all absolutely amazing. Thank you all again so much. For the best news, though... The story has broken 100,000 words with this chapter! Yet another milestone, and I hope you're all as excited as I am. Anywho, this note has gone on long enough. As for the disclaimer, I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the rights affiliated with it. Now that's over with, on to chapter twenty-seven of Ma Fleur, Mon Ange, Mon Tout!
Chapter 27
Italics – French
The floo roars to life as a blonde woman steps through and calls out. "What in the name of all that is delectable in this world do I have to do to get a hello from you people?!"
"Joanne!" Fleur cries out, getting up from her spot on Harry's lap and running over to the woman.
"Hello, my sweet Flower," Joanne says, wrapping her arms around the Veela. "how are you?"
"I'm incredible. I'm very sorry I wasn't able to make it for Christmas," She apologizes. "Madame Maxime wouldn't let me leave."
"What about your parents?" Joanne asks.
"It would've already been too late to make a difference." She explains before running back to the couch and hopping into Harry's lap. "Besides, I was happy where I was for Christmas."
"I can see that, Flower." Joanne chuckles, stepping over to Harry. "So, Harry. Have you changed your mind about that cupboard?"
"Maman, the evil basement lady is hitting on me again!" Harry cries out, smirking at Joanne when Apolline peers around the corner and sends a stinging hex into her hindquarters. After chuckling at Joanne jumping up with a shriek, he blows a kiss at his mother. "Thank you, maman! I love you!"
"I love you too, sweetheart!" She cries back.
Glaring at Harry, she walks over to the recliner while rubbing her sore rear. "Witches, so abusive." She grumbles, sitting down.
"How's business, Madame Joanne?" Harry asks.
"Don't call me madame, Harry," She grumbles. "it makes me feel old."
Covering her opening mouth quickly, Harry pulls Fleur's head into his chest to stop her from saying what they're both thinking. "I just love my Fleur so much." He says, kissing the top of her head. "Don't worry Joanne, you're in the prime of your life. You don't look a day over twenty-five."
"Flatterer." She says, smirking at him.
"Simply the truth, Joanne." He says with a charming smile.
"You've found a keeper here, Fleur." Joanne says, smiling at the young couple. "You keep him safe, you understand?"
"Always, Madame Joanne." Fleur says, hugging Harry close and kissing his forehead.
"Come, let us have that Christmas breakfast we didn't get to have last night," Joanne says, motioning towards the bedroom door. "You can tell me more about how you met."
Walking out of the bedroom together, Harry kisses Fleur on the cheek before walking into the kitchen without another word.
"Did I say something again?" Joanne asks, watching Harry walk into the kitchen worriedly.
"Harry and I only met because I rescued him from the abuse of his relatives," Fleur says, tears forming in her eyes as she stares after Harry, too. "It's a pain I can never fix, and it tears me apart that I can never help him."
"What in the world are you talking about, Fleur?" Joanne says, crossing her arms at Fleur as she looks up at her in confusion. "You have helped him! With all the abuse he's suffered, just having you to be there for him and work through things would be nothing less than an amazing amount of help."
"Are you sure, Joanne?" She asks hesitantly. "I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, it'll never be enough to help him."
"Stop, Fleur." Joanne berates, grabbing her shoulders and turning Fleur towards her. "That boy needs you as much as you need him. You are doing amazingly at healing him, I can feel it in my bones. You and your family are the best things to ever happen to him, and beating yourself up is helping no one. Pull your head out of that cute little butt of yours and start thinking straight."
Sniffling, she wipes her tears away and smiles at Joanne. "Thank you, Joanne." She says, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I needed that."
"You're welcome." She says, kissing the top of Fleur's head. "Now, why did he go into the kitchen?"
"Oh, cooking always helps him think and work through his problems." Fleur explains, sighing sadly as she looks towards the kitchen door. "It's one of the things he did for those monsters that he actually enjoyed. You should taste his chocolate croissants, they are absolutely divine."
"I'll definitely have to take you up on that." Joanne says, smiling at the thought.
"He always makes them on special occasions, don't worry," Fleur says, rolling her eyes at how obvious Joanne is. "You'll be able to taste it."
"I could say the same thing to you." Joanne says, causing Fleur to squeak in embarrassment, a blush plastering her face. Joanne laughs and walks towards the sitting room.
"Joanne?" Fleur calls out.
"Yes, dear?" She says, turning around to see a wand pointed at her.
"Run." She says, the tip of her wand glowing blue.
"This is going to suck!" She squeals and runs from the room, yelping in pain as a stinging hex slaps into her rear. "Dammit, woman! Did you have to get me in my cute little ass?"
"What makes you think it's cute?" Apolline asks with a smirk. "All I see is a flabby ass belonging to one old lady who still doesn't realize she's wrinklier than an overripe peach."
Gasping in horror, Joanne covers her mouth before slapping Apolline on her hindquarters. "Damn, I thought that your ass would have less of a jiggle at this point," She says, smirking back. "After all, hens don't last very long, do they?"
"Children, close your eyes," Apolline says, her wand angrily spewing red sparks. "I can't have any witnesses when I murder this mouthy old lady."
"I regret nothing!" She screams, running out of the room with Apolline right behind her.
"Um, what did I just witness?" Harry asks in a horrified whisper.
"Trust me, my love," She says, rolling her eyes at the antics of her mother and Joanne. "The less you know, the better."
"I don't want to know, do I?"
'If only you knew, Harry,' She thinks, shaking her head with a smile. 'If only you knew...'
~Fleur~
Walking into the dining room with trays of food floating behind him, Harry waves his hand and they all fly onto the table. Sighs of appreciation sound throughout the room as the occupants smell the food in front of them. Sitting down at the head of the table, Harry chuckles as he sees the anticipation on everyone's faces. Hearing a knock on the door a moment later, Harry gets up and opens the door seeing Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape standing there.
"Thank you all for making it," Harry says, with a smile, moving aside so they can come in. "Happy late Christmas to you all."
Snape stops at the door, looking inside hesitantly. "Harry, I..."
"I know, sir," He says, smiling at him before patting him on his back. "I forgive you."
"Arrogant brat," Snape grumbles almost good-naturedly.
"Greasy git." Harry responds, grinning madly. Gesturing him inside, Snape walks in and sits down at the table. Harry begins to close the door but is stopped at the last moment by a hand holding it open.
"Harry, dear," Molly says, pushing it back open, Ron standing behind her and staring at the food on the table. "You must have forgotten to send our invitations to this lovely breakfast along with Fred, George, and Ginny's invitations."
"I didn't forget anything, Mrs. Weasley," Harry says, glaring at the idiotic woman. "You simply weren't invited."
"Nonsense," She says, attempting to push past Harry into his apartment. "You should always be with your family at Christmas."
"I am already with my family, madame," He says, blocking her from entering. "You are not part of my family, and you will stop trying to enter my apartment without permission!"
"I will not be spoken to this way, Harry Potter!" She says, wagging her finger in his face.
"Get your finger out of my son's face!" Apolline says, storming up to the pair. Wrapping his arms around his mother's waist, Harry yanks her back from tearing the redheaded harpy's throat out.
"Maman, stay calm." Harry says, holding her tightly.
"You are not Harry's mother!" Molly shrieks at Apolline. "I'm the only thing he has that's close to a mother! We have given a home long before he ever met your trollop of a daughter!"
"Get out now!" Harry yells as a shockwave of magic bursts from his body, spilling Molly out, along with Ron who had tried to sneak in. They tumble on the ground and Harry walks past Apolline and into the hallway, lightning crackling all around him and striking against the walls, tearing chunks of stone away as the furious elemental magic rages on. "You are not my mother, nor will you ever be!"
"H-Harry, dear..." Molly stutters, trying to get out of this situation alive.
"Quiet!" He shouts, his voice enhanced with magic as the lightning flares furiously around him, crackling and tearing up the ground as the bolts rip the stone floor apart. "I am sick and tired of you acting like you are my mother! You constantly think you can tell me what to do, who to be friends with, and act like you have any sway over me. It stops now."
Sensing Apolline walking forward, Harry takes a deep breath and wills the lightning away. Molly stands up and whips her wand out, pointing it at Harry and opening her mouth to curse him when a punch connects with her nose, sending her sprawling backward. Dead silence reigns as everyone just stares in astonishment at Apolline.
"Wow, maman," Harry says in shock. "Nice hit!"
"Zank you, sweet'eart." Turning her attention back to Molly, she pulls her wand out and points it at Molly. "Molly Weasley, you 'ave attempted to attack my son in front of me, and 'ave continuously tried to pretend you 'ave authority over 'im. As 'is mozzer, I challenge you to an Honor Duel to demand you leave my son alone!"
"Fine, I accept!" She shrieks. "When I win, you have to transfer adoption over to me."
"It does not work zat way." Apolline snarls, a few feathers sprouting on her shoulders. "You have slighted ze honor of ze Delacour family, and you are entitled to nothing if you win. Zis is simply what it sounds like, to reclaim honor. Zere are no prizes."
"Ladies, please." Dumbledore pleads, stepping forward. "This isn't necessary. There must be some way to resolve this peacefully."
"Unless she agrees to publicly apologize for 'arassment and potential assault, non." Apolline says, keeping her wand trained on Molly.
"Never, you french tart!" She shrieks, launching a spell at Apolline.
"So be it." She says, batting away the spell with her wand. Twirling her wand in several quick circles at Molly launching several spells at the manic woman, Apolline begins to attack. The Weasley matriarch can barely erect a shield in time, the last spell shattering it. Molly attempts to counter-attack, sending several stunners and disarming charms towards Apolline, who simply spins out of the way of each spell with the grace of a dancer.
Sending a blast of air towards Molly, she's knocked off her feet for a few moments before she gets back up, groaning in pain. "You bitch!" She shrieks, sending several more schoolyard charms in the hope of catching Apolline off-guard. "Stay still, you stupid creature!"
"You and your stupid half-breed daughter will never-" Molly is cut off from finishing that sentence as a bludgeoning hex slams into her stomach, flinging her into the wall with enough force to send a crack up to the ceiling.
Raising her wand to strike again, Apolline is stopped by Harry's arm. Turning to berate the person who's stopping her, her verbal assault dying on her tongue as she sees Harry's pleading eyes. Lowering her wand with a sigh, she wraps her arms around her son in an attempt to ground herself.
"It's alright, maman," He says, rubbing her back. "She's unconscious, you beat her."
"I love you, Harry." She whispers, holding her son as a lifeline.
"I love you, too," he says, leading her back towards the door. "Come on, maman. Let's forget about this and have breakfast."
Sitting her down at the table, he sees sad smiles coming from the twins and a conflicted look from Ginny.
"Guys, if you want to go, I understand," Harry says. "I don't want to come between you and your mother."
"Harry, mate." Fred begins.
"Mum was bang out of line." George continues.
"You and your mum were in the right."
"And ours was completely in the wrong."
"We don't want anything to do with her after that." They finish in unison, Ginny chiming in with them.
"Ginny, did you just do twin speak with the twins?" Harry asks, shuddering dramatically. "I have goosebumps."
"Stuff it, Potter." She mumbles with a blush.
"I'll have to bring Mrs. Weasley to the hospital wing, but thank you again for inviting me, Harry." Dumbledore says, waving his wand and levitating an unconscious Molly.
"Thank you for coming, Professor Dumbledore," Harry says, glaring at Molly. "I just wish things could have gone better."
"As do I, my boy." He says, shaking his head sadly. "Happy Christmas, Harry."
"Happy Christmas, sir."
"I'm going to get you back for this, Potter," Ron says, glaring at Harry as Dumbledore walks down the hall. "You and your whore's family."
"Leave. Now!" Harry whispers icily, his serpents forming around him and hissing at Ron. He turns and practically runs away, following Dumbledore down the hall. Turning back towards the assembled people, he chuckles nervously. "Um, who's ready for breakfast?"
"Of course, 'Arry!" Gabby says. "We are not missing out on your chocolate croissants!"
"Yeah, I've heard quite a bit about these chocolate croissants, Harry," Tonks says, smirking at her baby cousin. "I'm starting to think they're all talk."
"Says the Auror who trips on dust mites." Harry shoots back, smirking at her angry flustering.
"Bloody prat..." She grumbles.
"Love you too, cousin." He says. She sticks her tongue out at him, drawing a chuckle from him at her antics.
"Harry, come on. Leave poor Nympha- YOWCH! BLOODY HELL, WOMAN!" Sirius shrieks to the amusement of everyone.
"Well, I want to thank everyone for coming," He says, seeing his friends, family, and loved ones sitting at the magically enlarged table. "This is my first ever Christmas breakfast, and it's already been extremely memorable. What say we make it a little more memorable?"
Waving his hand, a glass appears in front of everyone, sparkling water for the minors and champagne for the adults. "To friends, family, and loved ones..." He says, raising his glass. "Let us all be grateful for them and bask in the love we have for them, and they have for us, in this time of light and joy. Happy Christmas, everyone."
"Happy Christmas!" Everyone choruses back.
"Now, dig in!" He says, the tops of all the dishes disappearing, steam wafting spreading the delicious scent through-out the room. Immediately, everyone scrambles to grab one of the chocolate croissants. "Hey, come on now! There's still more, ya know! I've been cooking and baking my arse off all morning! Plus, there are other things I made."
"Nozzing is as good as zese, my love." Fleur smiles, moaning happily as she takes a bite.
"Oh come off it, princess," Tonks says, rolling her eyes. "Nothing can be that good."
Taking a bite, she smirks before slowly chewing, her facade drifting into nothing as flavor explodes in her mouth. "I sit corrected." She says, getting up and walking to the end of the table and grabbing Harry by the shoulders. "Harry, I swear to any and every deity out there that I will literally become your favorite cousin in the world and spoil you rotten if you make me a basket of these."
"You're not already my favorite cousin in the world?" He says with a chuckle.
"Point, but I still want more croissants."
"I'll make you a dozen for New Year's." He says, hugging her.
"You're my new favorite cousin, Harry!" She says, clapping excitedly.
"Oi, what about me?" Sirius cries indignantly.
"I've tasted your cooking, and I'd honestly rather eat hippogriff dung," Tonks says, narrowing her eyes at Sirius. "I swear, I felt the life was being sucked out of me when I tasted all that salt."
"I'm hurt, Nymmie!" Sirius says, pouting at her.
"You're lucky I'm focused on these croissants." She says, sitting back down and happily digging back in. She looks up at Sirius' yelp of pain and indignant "Hey!" to see Fleur discretely putting her wand away. Grinning at Harry, she proclaims. "You've got a keeper there, Harry."
'Happy Christmas...' Harry thinks, smiling at the gathered people enjoying his food and the company. 'To family.'
~Fleur~
The next few days pass with little import, the breakfast finishing up without a hitch and the remainder of winter break spent with his friends and Fleur. The Monday following the end of winter break, Harry walks into Transfiguration with Hermione muttering about how disgusting Lavender's attraction to Ron Weasley is.
"You know, I don't think that Lavender can make shit smell any better, Hermione." Harry says with a smile.
"Harry, what a horrid thing to say!" She faux gasps, smacking him on his arm. "That's not even factually accurate. It would be better to say not even the lorry-full of lavender she heaps onto her wretched skin is enough to mask the scent of that overgrown pile of dragon dung."
"I would definitely have to agree with you there." He says, nodding his head and stroking an invisible beard. Taking their seats at their usual desks, they look up at McGonagall who walks out of her office and into the classroom.
"Good morning, class!' She says, walking up to the chalkboard and waving her wand in front of it. "Now, today we will be transforming porcupines into pin cushions. Now, the incantation for this is Hystrifors. However, we will not be practicing the incantation or the actual spell today."
"For the next week, every class will be coming by for an hour every day during one of their free periods to build up a friendship with their porcupine. The reason for doing this is that a trusting porcupine makes performing the spell easier."
"Why is that, Professor?" Hermione asks once McGonagall calls on her.
"Well, no one knows why for sure, Miss Granger," McGonagall says, pleased with the question. "The best theory is that since porcupine quills have a bit of magic in them, it gives them an ability to resist the transformation to an extent. If your will is strong enough, or your magic is powerful enough, you might be able to overcome that resistance. However, that will not be happening today."
"I bet Saint Potter can't do it..." Ron mumbles angrily under his breath.
"I'm not going to be trying, Weasley," Harry says calmly, not turning around. "She already says we're not going to be doing that today. Besides, I'd rather build up a friendship with this cutie pie." Smiling, Harry scratches the porcupine under the chin. Looking up at him briefly, it turns its head away and moves around, showing Harry his quills and hindquarters. "Well I love your quills, but I'm not touching your arse."
"Five points for your language, Mr. Potter," McGonagall says, frowning at him. "Now, I'm going to pass out some tree bark. It's quite a delicious treat for these animals, and it will do wonders for your friendship with them."
Waving her wand, a few small piles of bark land in front of each student. "Now, be gentle when feeding them," McGonagall warns. "If you try to force them to take it, they might get mad at you."
"Hey, sweet girl," Harry says, reaching around with a piece of bark in his palm to hold it in front of the porcupine's nose. "Would you like some of this? I've heard you enjoy it."
Turning its nose away, Harry sighs before pulling his hand back. "Not going for it, huh?" He says, scratching his jawline. "I went too fast, didn't I? Calling you a cutie pie when I don't know you. You're right, that was presumptuous of me. Please forgive me, and accept this offering of bark as my sincere apology?"
"Harry, I don't think it can understand you," Hermione says, looking at Harry's actions dubiously. A few moments later, her jaw drops as the porcupine turns around and starts eating the bark out of Harry's palm. "I don't believe it."
"Never underestimate the intelligence of a majestic animal, Hermione," Harry says, smiling down at the porcupine. "This wonderful being is as intelligent as its quills are beautiful and deadly."
Glancing over at Hermione, the porcupine stares at her with a look that Hermione swears is a smirk. A smirk saying 'he's right, and don't you forget it!' Shaking her head out of her stupor, she looks at Harry. "Your fascination with animals will never cease to amaze me, Harry."
"Same here, Hermione," He says, feeding the porcupine another piece of bark. "Her Royal Sharpness, Lady Stabbington the Twenty-sixth would definitely agree with you."
"Her Royal Sharpness?" Hermione asks in disbelief.
"Her Royal Sharpness," Harry confirms, smiling down at the porcupine in front of him. "Does that title please you, Milady?"
Nudging his hand with her nose, he thrusts his free hand into the air in triumph as he uses his other hand to feed her another piece of bark. "She loves it!"
"Harry, I think she was just asking for another piece of bark," Hermione says, stifling a laugh at her best friend's antics.
"But she did it approvingly!" He says, turning to Professor McGonagall. "Professor, tell Hermione Lady Stabbington was asking for another piece of bark in approval of my name for her!"
"Lady Stabbington, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, her full title is Her Royal Sharpness, Lady Stabbington the Twenty-sixth, but yes!" He says with a grin. "Besides, if she doesn't like it, let her stab me now!"
As nothing happens, he grins at his best friend and teacher who smack their foreheads in exasperation. Hermione opens her mouth to explain that's not how it works when McGonagall places a hand on her shoulder. "Let him have his victory," She says, shaking her head. "He'll most likely be stabbed before the week is out."
"By me, if he keeps it up." Hermione mutters.
"Officially, I never heard you say that;" McGonagall says, pursing her lips before cracking a small smile. "Unofficially, I'll give you twenty points if you do."
"Ignore them, Lady Stabbington." Harry coos, admiring her quills as she finishes the last piece of bark he has for her. "They're just jealous of the beauty and lethality you hold over them."
"I'm telling Fleur." Hermione says.
"Although, they may be eviler than you." He says before screaming in pain when she nudges the tip of one of her quills into his palm. "Strike that, you're definitely eviler."
~Fleur~
Walking into the Great Hall, Harry doesn't see Fleur and decides to bother Katie. Walking up behind her, he taps her shoulders and screams from behind her. Shrieking in a high-pitched voice, she swings wildly behind her to strike her "attacker."
"Bloody hell, woman!" Harry yells, ducking under the swing. "You trying to take my head off?"
"That's what I'll do if you ever scare me like that again, Potter!" She snaps, glaring at him.
"Oh come off it, Katie," Harry says, waving his hand in dismissal. "You'd miss me too much."
"Harry, do you need your bits?" She says, pulling her wand out with a malicious grin.
"I do!" Fleur says indignantly, stepping in between Harry and Katie. "I'll punish 'im appropriately, but please leave my boyfriend's private area alone, Katie."
"Fine. But only for you, lover." She says, winking at Fleur.
"Zank you, my love." Fleur answers, blowing a kiss back at Katie.
"Fleur, Harry's cheating on you with a porcupine." Hermione says simply, taking a sip of tea. Dead silence reigns as everyone tries to contemplate what that means.
"Fred, come get your woman in line and tell her to stop telling lies!"
"You're on your own there, mate!" Fred says, putting his hands up in surrender. "I know that my Hermione does what she wants, and getting between her and what she wants is suicide."
"Good boy," Hermione says with a smile, blowing a kiss at Fred. "I'll be sure to give you a reward later."
"My heart quickens in anticipation, my love!" He says loudly, catching the kiss and sliding it into his pocket.
"Would you all stop this gross lovey-dovey stuff?" Ron scoffs angrily, spitting chunks of food onto the table. "Some of us are trying to eat here!"
"Ugh, and I just lost my appetite." Fleur pushes her plate away, standing up and grabbing Harry's hand. "Come along, my love. You can cook lunch for us in ze apartment while enjoying somezing zat pig will never 'ave. Also, we will discuss your punishment for cheating on me wiz zis porcupine."
"I didn't cheat!" Harry cries out, being dragged away by his girlfriend. "Neville, when I die, I want you to burn the stash of Playwizard under my bed! Goodbye, cruel- OW! Dammit, woman! Watch the ear!"
Well, everyone! That was chapter twenty-seven. I know it wasn't that long, but it is a bit of a filler chapter. I enjoy writing majority comedy chapters, it lets me giggle while writing this. It takes effort to come up with gold like this, you know. I wonder, did anyone spot the Golden Girls reference I threw in there? If you can tell me what it is, I'll give you your own specialized author's cookie. Anywho, constructive criticism is always welcome, and flames will be used to overpower Fleur's fire to roast Harry's buttocks. Well, that or bring him to Lady Stabbington. I think I might have a bit more in this story for her. We'll see. As usual, read, review, and spread this story like wildfire! I'll see you all next time. This is Mystery Critic, signing off.