Chapter Nine: Boss Rabbit's Magic Touch

The two of them sped through a great forest of giant mushrooms with red tops under a yellow sky. The earth was brown and packed beneath their car as they sped ever onwards in high spirits. Kakarot watched the mushroom forest pass him by. He felt that it was somewhat hypnotic.

'…This place is really strange.' he said after a moment.

'Don't worry kid.' said Bulma. 'I'm pretty sure we're coming up on a town soon anyway.' Suddenly a beeping noise was heard. She looked at the readings. 'Oh great, we're almost out of gas! I knew we should have filled up at the last station.'

'Then why did you insist we were almost there, and not fill up?' asked Kakarot dryly.

'Shush.' said Bulma, before she suddenly realized she was swerving towards a mushroom. Turning the steering wheel in the opposite direction, she overcompensated. She ended up wheeling back and forth until she was stable again.

'That was entertaining.' said Kakarot.

'I could have been killed!' shouted Bulma.

'Well it would have been your fault,' said Kakarot, 'so I'm disinclined to concern myself.'

As Kakarot had predicted, Yamcha was following up behind them with Puar in a smaller blue car. The bandit smirked. 'What a bunch of clowns, am I right? They're going to lead us straight to that last dragonball.'

'Yeah,' agreed Puar.

Kakarot and Bulma continued to argue up ahead, drawing their attention.

'…What a pretty voice.' said Yamcha suddenly. 'Nevermind, pass me the water canteen.'

'Sure thing Yamcha.' said Puar, handing it to him.

Yamcha unscrewed it and drank deeply of it. 'That hit the spot.'

Meanwhile, their prey continued to argue.

Some hours later, Kakarot and Bulma pulled into a dusty town. The people wore turbans instead of hats. They went and when clad in concealing garments. They could be seen carrying baskets on their heads, and they walked with a sense of fear.

'See,' said Bulma, 'I was right after all Kakarot.'

'I never said you weren't.' Kakarot noted.

He saw a girl staring at them, and met her gaze flatly. 'What?'

'Nothing,' she said, 'we just don't ordinarily get visitors all that much here.'

'As long as you have a gas station I don't care.' said Kakarot in exasperation.

'Be polite Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'you can't go through life picking a fight with everyone you meet.'

'Why not?' asked Kakarot. 'It's worked out pretty well so far for me.'

They pulled into the gas station, and a man emerged. 'Hello, can I help you with anything?' he asked.

'Yeah,' said Bulma. 'I need my car filled up.'

'Of course.' said the man.

'Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'watch the car for me, I'm going shopping.' With that, she picked up her bag and walked off. 'I wonder if they sell dino caps in this town…

Thus Kakarot began to wait. And wait. He sat in the car, bored out of his mind until the man finished. 'Is it done?'

'Yes,' said the man, 'your car is full to the brim.'

'Excellent,' said Kakarot, 'my friend will return shortly. When she does, she will compensate you for your services. In the meantime, we will wait here.'

Meanwhile, Bulma made her way through the streets. She tried to ignore the remarks some people made about her revealing clothes. For her part, Bulma thought there was nothing wrong with showing off her natural gifts. If they had a problem with that, they could deal with it. Even so, she was getting sick of this outfit.

Still, the first thing first was the dino caps.

'You certainly have an impressive selection here.' she said to the owner. 'Well, do you have any XP6's?'

'Yes, and XP7's.' said the owner.

'Okay,' said Bulma, 'I'll take two of those there. And three XP7's.'

'Here you go,' said the owner.

Bulma paid and left the store without incident. Her senses were going off. They told her that something should have happened here which didn't happen. She shrugged it off and walked onwards back to the clothes store.

'You know,' she said to herself. 'sometimes I get the feeling that something should be going on. Something unusual, which would put me on edge. Ugh, I've been hanging out with Kakarot too long.'

Meanwhile, Yamcha pulled in to watch as Kakarot waited. He was somewhat suspicious that they were still here, actually. 'It sure is taking them a long time to get gas.'

A stir broke out amongst the crowd. Cries of fear could be heard, as people looked up to see two men walking down the street. They were toting guns and wearing… rabbit ears. Really? One of them was tall and had a pipe between his teeth, and the other was short.

'This town is so boring,' said the one, as people gave way around them.

'Mmmhmmm,' said the other.

'Why don't we stir things up around here?' asked the tall one.

'Sounds good to me.' said the short one.

Bulma, meanwhile, had found an outfit which was of an Arabian sort. It was the sort of clothes one might expect a genie to wear. It had a blue vest, a white undershirt, and baggy white pants with a golden necklace, and bracers. 'They're not really my style,' she reflected, 'but they are comfortable. I guess they will have to do. How much?'

She made her way back out into the street. She walked through the citizens, back to the gas station where she found Kakarot waiting. 'Hey Kakarot, I got some really great stuff.'

'Yeah that's…' said Kakarot looking up, '…wow.'

'What?' said Bulma. 'Do I have something on my face?'

'No,' said Kakarot, 'it's just… I think those clothes look good on you.' He paused. 'Did you get any food by chance? I'm starving.'

'Sorry,' said Bulma, 'all I've got is makeup. We can go out somewhere soon.'

Then there was a crash, and they looked up. A fruit stand where apples were being sold had been upset. Two men with guns and bunny ears on their heads were shaking down the merchant. 'These apples are disgusting! We want a refund!'

'You heard him,' said the tall one, 'we want our money back.'

'But you got them free!' said the merchant.

'You don't hear so good,' said the short one as he raised a fist, 'he said we want our money back!'

'Alright! Alright!' cried the merchant in terror. 'Here, please forgive me!'

'…Well, this town is officially in mortal terror of two men who wear bunny ears on their head.' said Kakarot. 'I see now why I was sent to this world. I shall slay them all, and put them out of their misery.'

'Knock it off, Kakarot.' said Bulma. 'That's not funny.'

At that moment a boy ran into his mother's arms, straight across the path of the two men. They stopped and loomed over the woman, who looked up in fear. 'Hey, don't you know that no one is supposed to cross the path of a rabbit?'

'Yes, I'm sorry!' cried the mother. 'But he's just a boy! He doesn't know any better!'

The rabbit remained silent for a moment. 'Well here's a lesson to remember.' Then he kicked the mother to the ground with her child.

'…This is pathetic,' said Kakarot, 'if they all rushed them at once only a few of them would get shot. Then the rest could tear these scum to shreds.'

'Who are these guys anyway?' asked Bulma.

At that moment the rabbits turned to see them. The smaller one motioned to Bulma. 'Hey look, buddy, there is a new chick in town.'

The rabbits eyed Bulma like she was a piece of meat as they approached, and Kakarot got out of the car, taking a stance.

'How do you like them apples?' said the shorter one.

'My, my, my…' said the other. 'Hey there pretty lady, how would you like to spend some time with some real men?'

'Why?' asked Bulma. 'Have you seen any?'

'Oh!' said Kakarot with a smirk. 'That is the closest you've gotten to being useful in weeks!'

'Shut up Kakarot.'

'You must be new in town if you're dumb enough to talk to the rabbits like that.' said the short one.

'Maybe we should teach you some manners.' said the tall one.

'If anyone has anything to learn, it's you two cro magnon morons.' snapped Bulma. 'Grown men in rabbit ears? Hah! Can you believe these two idiots!'

'Wow, you are on a roll today.' said Kakarot. 'At this rate, I might have to reclassify you from 'liability' to 'load.'

'Come on Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'we're leaving!'

At that moment the rabbits raised their guns, and Bulma halted frozen in place. 'Whats the big hurry toots? The parties just starting.'

From where he was watching, Yamcha found a smirk coming to his face. 'This is gonna be good.'

And then Kakarot surged forward, knocking the rabbits from their feet. Their guns fired into the air as they were forced to the ground. His hands gripped their throats and constricting. 'Threaten my friend again, and I'll kill you slowly. Understand?'

Unable to speak, they nodded mutely. Kakarot stepped back, before kicking them both in the crotch, hard.

The people watched in awe, as Kakarot arose and walked back towards Bulma. 'I'd say we're just about done here, now wouldn't you?'

'As far as entertainment went, these fools were insignificant.' said Kakarot. 'I could kill ten of them without breaking a sweat. Honestly, why can't they ever bring Yamcha?'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, 'I don't think those guys are going to be hurting anyone now.'

At that point the rabbits arose, angry. 'Now you've done it! You've insulted the rabbits!'

'Am I supposed to care?' asked Kakarot.

'Your gonna pay big time for this, kid!' said the man.

'If I do, I've already told you what will happen.' stated Kakarot 'Believe me, I'm a man of my word.'

'Also he didn't insult the rabbits,' said Bulma 'just beat them up.'

The rabbit brought a radio to his lips. 'Boss this is rabbit 1! Come to town pronto!' Shrieks of horror and despair could be heard from the townsfolk around them. They fled to their homes in terror. 'We've got ourselves a trouble maker down here!'

'A curse on you!' snapped the gas station, man. 'Thanks to you the boss is coming!' Then he ran inside. The sound of shutting doors and windows resounded throughout the town. Kakarot and Bulma sat in their car, waiting.

'…Does this mean we don't have to pay for gas?' asked Kakarot hopefully.

'Could you at least pretend to take this seriously, Kakarot?' Bulma chided him.

'I am serious.' said Kakarot. 'The money we save here could be spent on food.'

Silence engulfed the town as they waited around. There wasn't so much as a hint of noise, and the result was that things were outright creepy. 'I've got a bad feeling about this,' said Bulma, 'maybe we should go.'

'Nah,' said Kakarot, 'let's ride this train to the end, shall we?'

They waited some more, and Bulma stood up in her seat. 'Well, nothings happening. Whatever, I'm not going to let some guys in rabbit ears scare me away!'

Meanwhile, the rabbit goons were getting up. 'Don't worry, the boss is coming.' said rabbit. 'He'll do his special thing to them.'

'Special thing…' said Bulma 'Hey what is this special thing?'

'Just a little thing our boss does to entertain.' said the first.

'So stick around and enjoy the show.' said the second. 'Don't worry; he's not going to turn you into a carrot or anything.'

'Want me to kill them before this 'Boss' gets here?' asked Kakarot.

'Maybe next time Kakarot.' said Bulma.

At that moment a white car arrived, with rabbit ears and a rabbit face. Kakarot started laughing hysterically, falling out of the car as he did so. The car kicked up dust behind it as it came closer, and Kakarot's laughter continued without end.

'Here comes the boss!' cheered Rabbit 1. 'Hey Boss over here!'

'Are my ears on straight, yes?' said Rabbit 2.

Kakarot continued to laugh until the car stopped near them. Then he rose up. 'I'm… I'm sorry it just looks so stupid. To be courteous, I'm gonna give the boss the benefit of the doubt.' The door opened and out of the car stepped an anthropomorphic rabbit. He was clad in green and blue with sunglasses. Kakarot burst out laughing all over again, before mastering himself. 'And I needn't have doubted.'

'Will ya quit being such a jerk, kid.' said Rabbit 1. 'The Boss is trying ta make an entrance?!'

'Well he's certainly succeeded.' said Kakarot. 'Seriously, you guys have made me laugh so I'll cut you a break. Leave right now, and I will let you live.'

The rabbits did not listen. 'Boss help us!' They cried as they approached the rabbit.

'Knock it off you saps.,' said Boss Rabbit. 'Just point me out the sap who thinks he's tough enough to take on the mighty rabbits!'

'That's him over there!' cried the rabbits, pointing to Kakarot.

'You mean that's the Boss they've been going on about?' asked Bulma. 'He looks like a reject from an Easter parade.'

'You mean that holiday which commemorates the rising from the dead of a man in an alternate timeline. The one where there are multiple continents and dinosaurs are extinct?' asked Kakarot.

'That's the one.'

'We heard that, girlie.' said a rabbit.

'And what are you gonna do?' asked Bulma. 'Wiggle your nose and tickle me?'

'Awfully big words for a little girl.'

Yamcha was not nearly so amused, however. 'I know I've seen that rabbit before.'

Boss Rabbit was not amused. 'You call yourself rabbits, and you got beaten up by a kid?'

'Sorry boss.'

'Quit groveling.' snapped Boss Rabbit, before backflipping towards Bulma. She recoiled as he offered a hand. 'Let's shake hands, baby.'

'Are you seriously expecting us to believe that after all that buildup you just want to be friends?' asked Kakarot. 'Especially after that mocking I gave you.'

'Sure.' said Boss Rabbit.

Realization dawned on Yamcha as he watched. 'Now I remember, his touch is his weapon. If they shake his hand, their goners for sure! His name is monster carrot, and anyone he touches turns into a carrot.'

'Yamcha, who are you talking to?'

Bulma slapped away Boss Rabbits hand. 'There, now be a nice bunny and hop out of here, would ya!' Then she stuck out her tongue at him.

'Eheheheh,' said Boss Rabbit, 'you touched me.'

And then there was a poof of smoke as Bulma was transformed into a carrot, which flew to land in Boss Rabbits hand. Kakarot went for his power pole and landed before him. 'Change her back!'

'Sure kid,' said Boss Rabbit 'if you want to get her back come and get me. But you'd better like vegetables because if you touch me, your gonna be one!'

Kakarot drew his power pole and struck at Monster Carrot, bringing it down. Monster Carrot leaped away with ease, as Kakarot pursued.

'Stop, don't forget about your friend here.' said Monster Carrot. 'Kid you take one more step, and I'll have this delicious carrot for my lunch!'

'…You will die screaming for this.' stated Kakarot in an all too calm tone.

Monster Carrot took a step back in fear at the look in his eyes, before mastering himself. 'Sure, if you want to sacrifice your friend.' He and his minions then chuckled together. 'Boys go get him.'

'Sure thing, boss.' said Rabbit 1. 'I'm going to pound him flat like a postage stamp,'

Then they rushed forward and began to beat Kakarot, who was unable to defend himself.

From where he was watching, Yamcha turned to Puar. 'Come on, Puar. That kid needs our help. It's up to us to get us out of this mess. Otherwise, we'll never see those dragonballs. Change into a bird, and snatch that carrot.'

'Right,' said Puar.

Yamcha then snuck up behind and leaped up onto a building to watch from above. He stood just above Monster Carrot. As the beating continued, Monster Carrot smiled. 'Come on, pick it up you boys. I don't have all day you know.'

Then Puar swooped down and snatched the carrot from his grip. Monster Carrot cried out in distress, as Yamcha descended. With a vicious right hook, Yamcha punched out one of the thugs. Then he roundhouse kicked another in the face.

'Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, pain…' said Kakarot.

'We've got the carrot, Kakarot,' said Yamcha, 'now you can finish him off with your power pole.'

'Wait, you are helping us?' asked Kakarot. 'Why? Oh, right you need us to get the other dragonball so you can steal it right.'

'Nevermind that!' snapped Yamcha. 'Get monster carrot!'

'Couldn't you just chop his head off with your sword?' asked Kakarot as he picked up his power pole.

'There is no time for that!' said Yamcha.

Monster Carrot was leaping high onto the buildings. He was reaching up to try and get at Puar, but the bird ducked and weaved and got out of the way.

'Good work Puar,' said Yamcha, 'now bring that carrot over here and hurry.'

'I don't have time for this.' said Kakarot, before raising his power pole. 'Power pole extend!' The red beam rushed out, and he brought it down to slam Monster Carrot over the head. He sent Carrot crashing to the ground. Then Kakarot approached him as Monster Carrot tried to get up. He hit him again. And again, and again, as Monster Carrot screamed.

'Change her back,' he snarled, 'or I will break your arms and legs, and leave you for the vultures, you miserable creature!'

Behind him, Puar landed as Monster Carrot cowered. 'Okay,' said the rabbit, 'you win.' He clapped his hands, and the carrot became Bulma once more. Kakarot looked at the rabbit before him. Then he brought down his power pole with all his might and crushing his skull. Then he turned rushed to her. 'Bulma! Are you alright?'

'I feel like a vegetable…' she said.

'You were until Yamcha and Puar helped us.' said Kakarot.

'Yamcha,' said Bulma, 'where is he?' She looked around.

'Huh,' said Kakarot. 'I guess he took off already. Why is it so important?' He had his suspicions, and he did not approve. Bulma was his.

Meanwhile, from where they were hiding, Yamcha sighed.

'She likes you.' said Puar.

'You know it was a lot easier to be around her when she was just produce.' reflected Yamcha.

The townsfolk stared out in awe, for Monster Carrot was dead. Little by little, they emerged as Kakarot approached the beaten thugs. They looked at them in contempt. Bulma walked up behind him. 'Okay Kakarot, I think we can get-'

Kakarot kneeled down and snapped the neck of Rabbit 1.

'Kakarot what are you doing?!' said Bulma in horror.

Rabbit 2 roused himself and scrambled away. 'No! Please, don't kill me, I'll do anything-'

Kakarot surged forward and gripped him with his hands, restricting his air. As the man struggled, his arms shaking as he desperately tried to free himself. Finally, he fell silent and fell limp to the ground. Kakarot then snapped his neck for good measure, before standing up and turning to Bulma.

'We can go now.'

'…Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'you are one coldblooded monkey.'

Authors Note:

Wow, this chapter got dark real fast. This is really the point where Kakarot demonstrates that he isn't like Goku. He doesn't have the goofy, wide-eyed idealism of his alternate timeline self. I just couldn't see Kakarot putting someone on the moon to make candy. Moreover, he was pissed.

My original plan was for him to dose the rabbits in oil and burn them alive. But I didn't see Bulma just standing there and letting him do that.

I kind of feel like this was a lower quality chapter. What do you think?