Chapter Twelve: A Wish from the Eternal Dragon

Emperor Pilaf made his way out of his castle in an excellent mood. All too soon Mai and Shu would arrive with the remaining dragonballs. Then he would wish for world domination. Then nothing could stop him! He giggled to himself as he clutched the case in which the dragonballs were kept closer to him. Soon he emerged blinking into the darkness of night. He was oblivious to the sound of footsteps behind him.

Kakarot struck swiftly with his power pole, knocking Emperor Pilaf unconscious. Pilaf fell to the ground still. Kakarot then picked up the box and opened it. 'Alright, we have two dragonballs now.' he said, glancing over to Yamcha. 'Now we need only intercept the remaining two henchmen, and our task will be complete.'

'Right,' said Yamcha.

There was a pause between them as they waited. Kakarot reflected that it would become necessary to defeat Yamcha very soon. The others would be a simple matter to knock unconscious, but Yamcha might be a legitimate threat.

He was almost certain he could take out Mai and Shu on his own, As Yamcha had his back to him, Kakarot raised his power pole.

Then they heard the sound of an aircar humming throughout the night. Mai and Shu drove up, and got out of the car, rushing towards the castle. 'Emperor!' cried Mai. 'Emperor, we got the… dragon… balls…'

They stopped as they saw Yamcha and Kakarot standing before them. They made for their car. Kakarot brought down his power pole and smashed their car with one blow. Yamcha descended on them and knocked both of them out with one blow from his hands. Finally, he picked them up, as Kakarot readied himself for a spring. It would be for the best if everyone else were unconscious when he made his wish.

Yet something stopped him. After all, they had been through he couldn't quite bring himself to strike from behind. No, he would defeat Yamcha in a fair fight. Then he would knock everyone unconscious. Now how to broach the subject?

They gathered together the dragonballs in a circle and sat around it, unsure of how to proceed. Bulma opened her mouth, and Kakarot looked at her so that she closed it right away. The balls were glowing with an unworldly light at their proximity to each other.

'…So what now?' asked Bulma finally.

'Well,' said Kakarot, 'it's obvious that not all of us can get our wish. So the obvious thing is for me and Yamcha to fight each other in single combat. That will determine who will make their wish.'

'That's fine by me.' said Yamcha.

'But that's not fair!' objected Bulma. 'Puar and I have gone through as much as you guys to get these dragonballs! Why should we be left in the dust?'

'Actually, I'm content with Yamcha getting his wish.' said Puar.

'You're not helping, you little furball!' said Bulma.

'I'm not trying to.' said Puar.

'I have an idea,' said Chi Chi, over to one side.

There was a long pause, as Kakarot turned to Chi Chi and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 'Well, what is it?'

'Why don't each of you explain what you intended to do with your wish. Then you can all decide which one is the most worthwhile.' suggested Chi Chi. 'That way, no one has to fight anyone.'

'But I already know what they want to wish for!' snapped Kakarot. 'So why would they change their answer!'

'You do?' asked Chi Chi.

'…So what does Yamcha want to wish for?' asked Bulma, eager sounding.

'Yeah, I don't remember ever hearing what Bulma wants.' reflected Yamcha.

'Do you two pay any attention to what's going on around you?!' snapped Kakarot.

'I go into shock by being in the same room as a pretty girl my age.' said Yamcha. 'I don't have time to think about their motives.'

'Are you saying I'm pretty?' asked Bulma, tone flirtatious.

'Uh… yes.' said Yamcha, shaking. 'Anyway, ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of pretty girls my age that never goes away. I was planning to wish that away.'

'I know!' snapped Kakarot. 'I was there in the car when you made that proclamation! Although I will admit its a hell of a lot better than Bulma's wish for a perfect boyfriend!'

'It's not that bad…' began Bulma.

'It's worse,' said Kakarot, 'and I'll tell you why. The perfect boyfriend, was it? What is that? I'll tell you what it is; it's an abstract concept! It can neither be defined nor created. Perfection is by its very nature that which there is no greater thing that can be conceived. In other words, there is nothing to build a relationship on because you and he would have nothing in common!

'I'm sure he'd be very good looking. But if you are going to plan your future around the superficial, then you might as well date Yamcha! Save the wish for someone else!'

'Fine!' roared Bulma 'Maybe I will!'

There was a long, long silence as Kakarot realized his misstep. Yamcha himself looked more than a little reluctant to continue on this path. Now that his fear of women was acting up again. Then he little by little forced himself into composure. 'Uh… if you are okay with it, Bulma, I am…'

This was absurd! Kakarot wanted Bulma for himself, not in the arms of his rival. His outburst seemed to have destroyed her interest in the wish, but at what cost. He noticed Chi Chi fuming some ways away, at something which he did not know.

'So what would you want to wish for, Kakarot?' asked Puar.

'I'd wish to bring my grandfather back!' snapped Kakarot.

There was silence amongst the group. Kakarot looked at them. 'I mean, my master. I'd want to bring my master back to life. I had unfinished business to attend to with him, and he died far too early.'

'…You know Kakarot,' said Bulma, 'that sounds like a much better wish than either of us could come up with.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha, 'I'm sure I can overcome my fear of women on my own.'

'Oh,' said Kakarot, 'well that was easy. If I'd known all I had to do was reveal my plans to bring them to fruition, I would have done it a long time ago.'

'Look up there Kakarot!' cried Puar. 'It's a full moon out tonight! Isn't it soothing.'

'Not really.' said Kakarot. 'My master was killed on a full moon.'

'Oh,' said Puar, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories.'

Silence engulfed them. 'Kakarot, if you don't mind me asking,' said Yamcha, 'what could kill a master of Gohan's power?'

'A giant ape.' said Kakarot. 'I don't remember much about it, but I remember it crushed him. Then it destroyed our house and crushed all our trees. I never was able to find the damn thing afterward though, which weird. The odd thing is that my master always insisted I not look up at the full moon. He said doing so summoned dangerous monsters.' He stretched out his arms and legs. 'Well, we might as well make the wish now. It'll be interesting to see this dragon.'

The group got out of the way and stood a little behind him as he stood over the seven magical balls. 'Come forth, dragon!' cried Kakarot. 'Come forth and grant my desires!'

The balls began to glow so brightly that they were forced to avert their eyes. Clouds covered the sky as light snaked out of the balls and transformed into the dragon. He was longer than the road they had traveled, and his body was as thick as a battleship's hull. Two antlers were on his head, and glowing red eyes gazed down upon them. Kakarot stared up, marveling at the power and size of the majestic beast. Puar cowered, while Yamcha took a stance unconsciously.

'He's gigantic…' said Bulma.

'This guy sure lives up to his hype…' said Yamcha in awe.

'I hope he doesn't eat cats.' said Puar fearfully.

'I am the eternal dragon, Shenron.' stated the dragon. 'Speak your wish, yet beware. For it will come true.'

This was his hour. All the effort Kakarot had put into gathering these stupid balls had come to this single moment. At long last, he would be able to achieve that which he had fought, killed, and been injured for. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of the creature before him, but he screwed up his courage and spoke. 'DRAGON! ANCIENT ONE! HEAR MY DESIRE! RETURN MY MASTER GOHAN TO LIFE! THAT I MIGHT SLAY HIM AND PROVE MYSELF WORTHY OF PUTTING THIS WRETCHED WORLD TO THE FLAME!'

'Wait, what?' said Bulma.

'Why would you want to kill him again!' said Yamcha.

It was too late. The fools had given him their wish without asking the right questions. Even now, Kakarot looked on with a shark-like smile, waiting. Shenron glowed with an unworldly light. He could sense the rules of reality being suspended. The veil between life and death was being pierced so that Master Gohan would soon return to life. And his student Kakarot would be waiting for him, to send him back where he came from. Then Kakarot would destroy this pathetic mudball.

Nothing happened. Silence reigned as Kakarot waited. 'Well?!' he snapped.

'…I am unable to grant that wish.' said Shenron after a moment.

'What!' said Kakarot. 'You just said that my wish would come true!'

'Your master is refusing to return to life.' stated Shenron.

'Why the HFIL should he could get a say in it?!' snarled Kakarot. 'Did he travel across the world searching for seven magical balls? Magical balls that were supposed to grant you any wish you want?!'

'The domain of the afterlife is beyond my power to effect. I am only allowed to do so by the spirits who reside there.' stated Shenron. 'The Gods forbid me to return to life those who are unwilling to return.'

Kakarot stared up at Shenron, holding his gaze for a long, long time.

'You try my patience.' said Shenron. 'Make another wish, or wish for nothing so that I may return to my slumber.'

'Oh no, you don't get to pull that after what we've gone through to get these things!' snapped Kakarot. 'Get me a line to someone in authority right now! And that's not a wish, its a demand!'

There was a long pause as Shenron considered this. In the interests of going back to sleep sooner allowed it to happen. 'Very well, I will give you the audience you seek…'

A presence then came in amongst them, terribly powerful, and ancient. The clouds parted as the light shone down upon them, illuminating them. The others drew in a breath of awe at the heavenly light. 'I am Kami, the eternal guardian of Earth. Creator of the Dragonballs. Is there something I can do to help you?'

'Yeah, I'm trying to bring my grandfather back from the dead.' said Kakarot. 'And I'm being told that him not wanting to come back throws a spanner in the works. Is there anything you can do to help? This is kind of the moment my entire life has been building up to.'

'I'm afraid not.' said Kami. 'While I created the dragonballs, it is not in my authority to change the rules by which they operate. Far greater powers than I set those restrictions.'

'Then, why the HFIL do you call yourself God?' snapped Kakarot. 'Bit of a deceptive title don't you think?'

'Think of me as a... regional governor.' said Kami ruefully. 'I answer prayers. I point people in the right direction. I influence events for the betterment of mankind and deal with all the paperwork. However, once a soul has passed over to the Other World, it is beyond my jurisdiction.'

'Okay, okay,' said Kakarot, 'so who is in authority?'

'That would be King Yemma,' said Kami, 'he judges the souls of the dead and determines their final resting place. You should direct your concerns to him.'

'Great, patch me through to him.' said Kakarot.

'King Yemma is a very busy man; you usually need at least a week before you can get an appointment.' said Kami.

'I'm standing here in the middle of a wasteland, with a magical wish-granting dragon hovering over my head. He is waiting for anyone to make a wish.' said Kakarot. 'I'm on a bit of a timetable. If I have to wait a week, I'm going to have to snap three peoples necks in order to prevent them from stealing the wish.'

'Your talking about Pilaf and his henchmen right?' asked Yamcha.

'Obviously, I'm talking about Pilaf and his henchmen,' said Kakarot, 'what do you take me for, a brutal psychotic.'

'...Are you threatening me?' asked Kami.

'No,' stated Kakarot, 'merely reiterating that standing in the middle of the wasteland with a magical wish-granting dragon is not safest of situations for anyone to be in for a week.'

'...Very well, I shall endeavor to put you in contact with him. Mr. Popo, can you arrange for-'

The line cut out. A cheery, ultra annoying, and upbeat form of music began to play in their ears, while the clouds closed over. Kakarot looked around. '...Is this elevator music?'

'I think so.' said Puar.

'I can see why my grandfather decided to live in the woods.' he muttered.

'W-whats going on here?' asked Bulma suddenly.

'HFIL if I know.' said Yamcha.

'This is King Yemma speaking.' said a new, deep, voice. 'I've just received news that you blackmailed Kami into giving you a meeting with me. Not going to look good on your resume in the day of judgment kid. Now, why are you calling?'

'Yeah,' said Kakarot, 'I need you to pull rank on my dead Master Gohan and tell him to submit to being resurrected. My entire life has been building up to this moment.'

'Kid, you're looking at the heavenly bureau the wrong way. Your acting like I'm some kind of King.'

'It is in the name!' said Kakarot.

'It's my first name, actually. King Jonathan Yemma.' said Yemma. 'And anyway, I just judge the dead worthy of HFIL or heaven. Once they pass through my office, I don't keep track of them.'

'Where did the acronym HFIL come from anyway?' asked Yamcha. 'It seems weird.'

'It means 'Home for Infinite Losers.' said King Yemma. 'Back in the day, we called it hell. But then some activists complained that it was polluting the ears of dead children. Ended up being renamed HFIL. I miss the old word.'

'Look I don't care about any of this!' snapped Kakarot. 'If you aren't in authority over the dead, then who is?'

'That would be King Kai; he's the authority over your section of the universe. But you won't fare any better with him. Compelling a soul to return to life is hugely taboo. Usually only done in circumstances of incredible gravity.'

'So basically you've been wasting my time.' concluded Kakarot.

'This is customer service.' Yemma reminded him.

Then an idea occurred to Kakarot. 'Look, can you patch me through to grandfather himself. I want to try and talk to him about... things.'

'I don't see why not. You did stain your record with divine blackmail to get to this point, so I'll humor you.'

There was no elevator music this time. The presence beyond the clouds changed. Before anyone even spoke, Kakarot knew he was talking to his grandfather.

'Hello, grandson.' said a very familiar voice.

'I told you not to call me that!' snapped Kakarot. 'And I've gone through too much trouble for you to screw this up for me! Get down here so I can kill you, you old bastard!'

'No.'

'We had an agreement!' yelled Kakarot skyward. 'I don't try to destroy this world until I defeat you in single combat! No tricks! No treachery! That was the deal! If you don't get down here and fight me, I will consider it a breach of contract and murder everything in sight! Then the planet! And possibly the universe after that!'

'…Do we get a say in this?' asked Bulma in a small tone.

'You're not involved!' roared Kakarot.

'We kind of are…' said Puar.

What might have been a resigned sigh echoed throughout their minds. 'Kakarot, I realize you want to destroy the world a great deal.' said Gohan in a long-suffering tone. 'But you are nowhere near powerful enough to do it at this stage. You would not stand a chance against me, let alone Master Roshi.'

'Care to prove that?!' asked Kakarot.

'I don't need to prove it,' said Gohan, 'you couldn't even injure the Ox King, and I was always the more talented between us. I have not forgotten about our fight, and arrangements have been made. However, I will not battle you in these circumstances.'

'Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with the wish then?!' snapped Kakarot. 'I went to a great deal of trouble to gather these things, you know!'

'Grandson, I am quite sure that you can come up with a wish which does not involve murder. If anything, you should view this as an opportunity to get a mutually beneficial wish. For you and your friends. Just like you wanted, now if you'll excuse me, I have a great many matters which require my attention.'

Then the presence was gone. Kakarot remained silent for a moment, considering things. '…So does anyone want to wish for world domination?'

'Okay, okay, back up here for a minute.' said Yamcha. 'What is this about you destroying the world?'

Kakarot sighed. 'For as long as I can remember, my mission has been to annihilate all sentient creatures in this world. I don't know why I just know that that was my task. But Grandpa Gohan, I mean Master Gohan made it clear to me that I wasn't ready to destroy the world. If I tried, I'd kill a few villages and then get stopped flat out by the more powerful martial artists.'

'Right, okay sure.' said Bulma in a placating tone.

'I'm not crazy, alright!' said Kakarot 'I'm totally sane. Now does anyone want to wish for world domination?' He glanced back to Shenron. 'Can you actually grant that?'

'I can,' stated Shenron. He sounded somewhat relieved that he wasn't going to have to report another failure.

'Great,' said Kakarot, 'now do you guys want to rule the world or not?'

'Well… uh…' Yamcha paused. 'If you took over the world, Kakarot, you'd have to run it.'

'…Good point,' said Kakarot after a moment. 'oh to hell with it! Dragon! GRANT ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS ETERNAL YOUTH!'

'Your wish has been granted. Farewell!' stated Shenron, before disappearing back into the dragonballs. They rose into the air and shot off in seven different directions. The clouds parted, and the sky was once again returned to normal.

There was silence for a moment as everyone felt a spring of energy seep into them. Finally, Yamcha spoke. 'That was actually a pretty good wish Kakarot.' he said.

'Why not just ask for immortality?' asked Puar.

'Because immortality doesn't automatically come with agelessness or invincibility.' said Kakarot 'I didn't want to trust to Shenron's benevolence. It's possible that I could end up as an ancient man, unable to move because of my great age. But unable to gain the release of death. Or worse, a rotting corpse which is physically dead. But whose spirit remains trapped within, unable to even scream.'

'…Yeah, that's a good reason.' said Puar with a shudder.

'Well I for one,' said Bulma, 'like the idea of remaining eternally youthful and beautiful. Someone of my beauty was not meant to grow old.'

'But… what if we never grow up?' asked Chi Chi.

Kakarot looked to where she was standing a ways away. 'Good point, I don't want to remain as I am forever. Well worst comes to worst, we can always find the dragonballs and wish ourselves to adulthood.'

'Well we're not going to be able to do that for a while.' said Bulma. 'See when the dragonballs are scattered across the earth, they stop working. They turn to stone for one whole year. Even if you found one, you wouldn't know it for what it was.'

'Well we can cross that bridge when we come to it.' reflected Kakarot. 'Now unless anyone wants to snap Pilaf's neck-'

'We don't.' said Bulma.

'I suggest we leave this area and… and-'

Kakarot saw the moon.

'Kakarot,' said Chi Chi, 'are you alright?'

It was as though a beast long kept chained within was unleashed. Kakarot's muscles bulged outward as he grew taller, tearing through his clothes. His mouth became a maw of sharp teeth as he grew larger and larger. Brown fur covered his body as he stood to tower over his friends. The beast which Kakarot had become roared to the sky, his footfalls shaking the ground as he beat his chest.

The great ape had been unleashed.

Author's note:

So yeah, Pilaf was something of an anticlimax boss. Fun fact, earlier drafts of this chapter featured Bulma meeting Kami. Decent idea, but it wasn't going anywhere, so I nixed it in favor of Kakarot talking with his master. As for Kakarot's wish, I couldn't do immortality. That would completely undermine the suspense for the story.

I did have plans for each of them to try and make their wish, only to fail due to contrived technicalities. However, I decided that would make Shenron out of character.

By the way, I am unsure as to whether or not to keep the whole heavenly customer service part of the fic. If you think it intrudes, say so, and I'll remove it.