Chapter 15: Look out for Launch

Chi Chi and her new associate Krillin set out with a new mission. Find a girl for Master Roshi to date. And until the young students completed this task, Master Roshi would not teach them. Even now they soared overpopulated farmlands, looking below.

'Where do you suppose we should look, Krillin?' asked Chi Chi, who was not at all enthusiastic about the mission.

'How about somewhere less high in the air?' suggested Krillen.

Chi Chi shrugged and directed the Nimbus Cloud to fly lower at a breakneck pace. Krillen shuddered in fright. The wind whipping through her hair was a pleasant sensation for her. It distracted her from how annoyed she was at this mission.

'Slow down!' said the bald boy. 'You know if I lose my grip on you, I'll fall through this cloud.'

'Well if you were less like Master Roshi you wouldn't have a problem.' said Chi Chi in a chiding tone.

'And what is that supposed to mean?' asked Krillen. 'You know for someone who wants to train under the great Master Roshi; you don't seem to have much respect for him.'

'I just don't want to be separated from my love, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi.

'You've got to be kidding,' said Krillen, 'that psycho?'

'He is a little rough around the edges,' said Chi Chi, 'but deep down inside he's a really nice person.'

'He threatened to rip my heart out the first time we met.' said Krillen in deadpan.

'He's very rough around the edges.' affirmed Chi Chi in a dreamy tone.

It was an old west style saloon, with many cowboys relaxing and drinking at carved wooden tables. The heads of various animals lined the walls, and axes were crossed on them. Wanted posters were also there, and many were crossed out. Many save on in particular, which showed a curly blonde haired woman with a red bow in her hair. Her picture was scowling at the camera, and she was the most wanted person of anyone with a poster. Her reward was over 2,000,000 thousand zeni.

A lone bounty hunter sighted his pistol at the picture, looking for a challenge. Then he looked to his associate. 'You sure Launch will come here?'

A chair was thrown down. 'You just leave those plans to me, tall man. I know she's a coming.'

At the mention of Launch, two men playing cards began to quiver.

'Think we'll be all right?' asked one of the bounty hunters. 'Heard she didn't leave a blade of grass standing last time.'

'Tubs you idiot.' said the tall one. 'The day I get bested by a lone woman is the day I sell my horse and go home.'

Suddenly the doors burst open, and he whirled around, gun in hand.

There in the doorway stood a blue-haired woman wearing a yellow tank top that bared her midriff. She had orange shorts that showed off her long legs. There was a red bow in her hair, and she looked innocent. In her hand was a bag. 'Gosh,' she said in an innocent tone.,'it's so dusty today and I just washed my hair.'

'It ain't her.' said the bounty hunter, before turning back to the bar.

'Whew,' said the woman as she came to the counter, 'what a mess! I don't know where I am.'

'Barman,' said the bounty hunter, 'I'll pay for whatever drink the lady wants.'

'Huh?' said the women.

'Don't ask me why, ma'am.' said the bounty hunter. 'But something about you reminds me of a girl I once loved.'

'Listen, partner,' said his teammate, 'we're on the lookout. We ain't got no time to be flirting with harmless ladies.'

The bounty hunter replied by pouring a drink all over his face. He then gripped his associate by the collar and dragged him up. 'Mind yer own business.' Then he glanced back to the women. 'Sorry about that, now what can I get ya?'

'There are so many things I like.' said the women. 'How about a fresh glass of orange juice over ice.'

'Coming up,' said the barman. An errant wind blew through the desert outside as the barman set down the glass complete with a straw and lemon. 'There you go, sweetheart.'

At that moment a gust of wind blew a wave of dust into the bar. It rushed past her nose, and the women breathed in, before sneezing loudly. The bounty hunters glanced up in shock, double-checking to make sure. Where before the blue-haired woman had stood, now stood Launch, in the same outfit.

Within seconds she kicked the first bounty hunter up against a wall. She smashed another into a table and slammed the third one through a wall. The barman drew out a shotgun, but Launch raised a machine gun and opened fire full barrage. Whiskey glasses shattered as the barman ducked for cover in terror.

'Anyone else want to call me their sweetheart?!' snapped Launch.

The bounty hunters twitched where they were lying, beaten and unconscious. Launch turned and walked out, touting her machine gun in one hand. She surveyed her surroundings. Mounting her hovercycle, she rode to the top of a great plateau overlooking the train tracks. Then she waited for the train.

She heard it coming before she saw it, and wiped away a bead of sweat from the noonday sun. 'It's showtime.' Driving her hovercycle off the plateau, she landed. Dismounting she drew out a rocket launcher and waiting on the tracks. Setting her sight, she waited for it to draw nearer and nearer, keeping her cool the whole time.

Then she launched a rocket which shot forth and blasted the train's front. The massive vehicle slowed, and careened off the tracks, landing with a crash as Launch stood in its path. She watched it burn for a moment.

Then she entered the train itself and snatched a small satchel. 'I'll be taking this!'

Leaping on her hovercycle, she rode away quickly. Another successful heist!

Meanwhile, Krillen and Chi Chi flew onwards on the Nimbus, scanning the desert for any sign of a quarry. 'I don't really think we're going to find a girl wandering around the desert, Chi Chi.' said Krillen.

'Really?' asked Chi Chi. 'Because Kakarot found me wandering around in the wilderness. I'll never forget the day we met.' Her expression hardened. 'It was also the day I met Yamcha.' She paused, gripping a fist at the memory.

Meanwhile, Launch was having the time of her life. Heavily pursued by the cops, she rode at top speed across the wastes. Her blonde hair was flowing around her as she felt the wind on her face. The sound of sirens and engines filled the air. It was moments like this that she lived for.

'Pull over Launch, or we're going to shoot!' shouted the police officer.

Launch gunned the engine and went faster, and moments later, machine-gun fire opened up behind her. She swerved this way and that, avoiding the shots as she rushed onward. The coppers couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

Drawing out a hand grenade, she pulled out the pin with her mouth and tossed it back. It exploded against the windshield of one car, consuming it in flames. The gunfire continued, but Launch swerved up and rode her hoverbike up the side of the wall. The police were forced to follow along the path.

The police were soon on her tail again, still firing in vain. 'These bores have pitiful aim,' said Launch, drawing out a shotgun, 'guess I'll show em how it's done!'

It was at this moment that she began to feel a tingling in her nose. She sniffed several times. 'Oh, no, not now! Achoo!'

And then she crashed.

'Help me!' came a cry from below.

Chi Chi looked up. 'Did you hear that Krillen?'

'Then let's keep going,' said Krillen, 'cries for help only means something dangerous is about to happen.'

'My papa had a word for people with that kind of attitude.' said Chi Chi. 'They're called cowards. Let's see if we can find them.'

Launch was kneeling on the ground. Two police pulled over and advanced, terrified, their guns in their hands. 'Stay where you are launch,' said one in terror, 'your crime spree is finally over!'

'Move, and we'll shoot!' said the other.

'I… I… I don't understand!' cried Launch 'Who are you?!'

'Enough with the games Launch!' said the police. 'We're police officers and we- I mean you, are under arrest.'

'Oh, that's awful!' cried Launch 'What have I done?!'

'Uh…' the policemen stopped. 'well, just about every crime that we punish in these parts. And I assure you it's enough to put you away for a long time.' He drew out some handcuffs.

Launch stared in horror; she didn't want to go to jail. Just think what might happen to the poor inmates. 'SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE!'

Chi Chi and Krillen heard the scream as they soared around a corner. 'I'm sure it was just a bird or something…' said Krillen.

'Kakarot would never turn aside a cry for help.' said Chi Chi.

'Did we meet the same person?' asked Krillen.

'There!' said Chi Chi. 'Those thugs dressed in police officers uniforms are menacing that innocent woman! We have to help her!'

'That would be the heroic thing to do.' admitted Krillen. 'Except we haven't even had our first lesson, and they have guns and handcuffs, and I'd say our odds are pretty lousy.'

'Onward!' cried Chi Chi in a resolved tone as she soared down towards them.

Leaping out of the Nimbus, she landed on her feet, while Krillen landed some ways away with a crash. He swiftly scampered behind a rock and addressed the audience. 'I'd like to point out that this is all her idea, and I am not involved. I fully respect you guys.'

'Leave her alone!' shouted Chi Chi. 'Or you will have to contend with the Ox Kings daughter.'

The Police raised their guns. At this point, Chi Chi realized where she was and panicked. Squealing, she unleashed her blade, which spun through the air and hacked their guns in two. She then unleashed a beam which blew the ground out from underneath their feet. Hurling her blade again, she nearly beheading them. The cops fled in terror, rushing into their vehicle and driving away.

Chi Chi opened her eyes. '…Did I win?'

'Oh, thank you so much!' said the woman. 'I get so scared when I look at guns.'

'Don't worry Ms,' said Krillen as he approached, 'it was no problem for us pros.'

'That's probably because you didn't do anything.' stated Chi Chi in a tone that turned Krillen's blood to ice, while causing him to cower in fear. 'Now, do you think Master Roshi will be satisfied with this girl?'

Krillen recovered from his fright a bit and then nodded. 'Mmmhmm.'

So it was that they successfully tricked- er, talked Launch into going on a date with Master Roshi. It wasn't hard, for she seemed to have no sense of malice or spite. Or sense at all really, if her being out here in the middle of the wilderness was any indication.

Krillen glanced back to her. 'We really appreciate you coming home with us.'

'And where is home?' asked Launch.

'We're staying with the Turtle Hermit, Master Roshi.' said Chi Chi.

'Turtle Hermit?' asked Launch.

'Yes,' said Chi Chi, 'he lives on an island in the middle of the ocean. He's something of a lech, but he is famous for a reason.'

'How nice.' said Launch.

They flew for some time more, before at last, they saw the island up ahead. 'There it is,'

'-HAAAAAAAA!' came a roar.

Then a beam of blue energy shot towards them across the ocean. Chi Chi narrowly moved Nimbus aside in time for the beam to pass by them. It kicked up waves in the process which splashed them badly.

'And that's my darling Kakarot,' said Chi Chi in a love-struck tone, 'isn't he wonderful?'

'He could have killed us with that blast.' said Krillen as they came in for a landing.

'Your point?' said Kakarot. Then he saw Launch, and his eyes narrowed. 'I remember you; you shot me with a machine gun.'

'What?' said Krillen. 'Listen, buddy; you must have mistaken her for someone else.'

'I remember you,' said Launch, eyes narrowing, 'you stole my car and left me to walk out of the desert alone.'

Chi Chi, in the meantime, approached the door and knocked. 'Master Roshi, we have accomplished the task we set out to do.' There was silence. Chi Chi sighed. 'I guess we'll just wait then.'

'You still haven't told me why I'm here.' said Launch after a moment.

'Oh, well,' said Krillen. 'I'm not really sure myself. Master Roshi is a really lonely guy. So we need you to play along and feed his ego.'

'Does that mean I can use this place to hide out, while I'm running away?' asked Launch in an enthusiastic tone.

'Running away?' asked Krillen.

'This might be a good time to mention that when I met her,' said Kakarot 'she was driving a car filled to the brim with money. And heavily armed.'

'Will you stop lying, Kakarot!' snapped Krillen. 'You haven't been any help all day! When you say running away, you mean those guys who were attacking you. They were pretending to be police officers. So who were they… really?' His voice was somewhat unsteady.

'They were real policemen.' said Launch with a shy smile.

The silence which ensued could have been cut with a knife.

'…And why exactly were the police after you?' asked Krillen.

Launch took up her bag and opened it. 'I'm not exactly sure, but judging from the amount of money in my bag I probably held up a bank or two.'

The door opened, and Master Roshi emerged, now dressed in a very fine outfit indeed. 'I sure hope you brought me a nice one this time.'

'Well… uh…' began Chi Chi, who had been watching. 'She certainly seems nice.'

'Something about a train…' said Launch.

'Oh right,' laughed Krillen, 'you're a train robber. You expect me to believe that? You're so silly Launch. Robbing trains and stuff is a job for big strong guys, and you are a pretty girl.'

'That's sexist!' snapped Chi Chi. 'Just because most train robbers are men doesn't mean women can't rob trains as well!'

'You might want to watch what you say, Krillen.' said Launch. 'When I sneeze, I change. And terrible things can happen.'

'Y-you mean like a runny nose, right?'

'Hi!' said Roshi as he stepped forward. 'I think I'm in love!'

'Oh my goodness, you frightened me!' said Launch.

'Hey Master Roshi,' said Krillen, rushing up to him, 'what do you think of her? She's been making up some silly stories about robbing trains. But other than that she totally fits the bill.'

'Mmmhmm.' said Roshi.

'I can't believe those jerks!' huffed Chi Chi as she came up behind Kakarot.

'Patience, my dear.' said Kakarot with a smile. 'Their overweening sexism shall be their undoing.'

'What do you mean?' asked Chi Chi.

'Just… wait…' said Kakarot.

'I'm making you all my students from this day forward!' called Master Roshi to them.

'Also, good job finding Master Roshi a girl.' said Kakarot. 'Now let's just wait for the fireworks.'

'What fireworks?' asked Chi Chi.

'Hey,' said Roshi to Launch, 'I'm master Roshi, and this is my pad!'

'Nice to meet you, sir.' said Launch. 'My name is Launch. Your granddaughter saved me from a whole lot of trouble today.'

'Oh is that really true, my students?' asked Roshi.

'Yes,' said Launch, 'I can't thank them enough.'

'Wait for it.' said Kakarot.

'All in a days work.' said Krillen proudly.

'I'm glad you're safe,' said Roshi. 'but to be honest their not my grandchildren.'

'Wait for it.' said Kakarot, looking a bit impatient.

'Oh?' said Launch.

'They're my younger siblings.' said Roshi.

Everyone fell over from the absurdity of that statement.

'It was worth a try I guess,' said Roshi, as Launch started laughing. 'Funny joke wasn't it?'

'Oh, yes.' agreed Launch.

'Actually,' said Roshi. 'I'm the turtle hermit. The worlds greatest expert in Martial arts. And these boys have come to train under me.'

'Almost there…' said Kakarot.

'Martial arts, huh?' asked Launch. 'That explains why Chi Chi is so strong.'

'Yes,' said Roshi, 'I'm happy to hear my lessons made a difference.'

'But you haven't taught us anything yet.' said Chi Chi.

'Almost there…' said Kakarot.

'So, seeing as your my special guest...' said Roshi. 'How would you like to take a romantic walk with me around my island paradise.'

Launch looked around. 'Well… it doesn't look like a very long walk. Um… but yeah, that sounds pleasant to me.'

'Oh yeah!' said Roshi. 'And while you're here, you might as well study martial arts with us too!'

'I can't help but detect a note of favoritism here.' said Chi Chi.

'Stay on target.' said Kakarot.

'I don't know,' said Launch. 'I have soft hands. I'm not really interested in fighting.'

'I don't think anything is going to happen Kakarot.' said Chi Chi.

'KAMEHAMEHA!' roared Kakarot before firing a beam of energy across the beach. It kicked up countless waves of sand that washed over them. Launch sneezed.

And that was how, moments later, Kakarot and Chi Chi watched as Launch's hair turned blonde. She drew out a heavy machine gun and started firing it at Master Roshi and Krillin with a slasher smile. 'You want a walk, do you ya?' snarled Launch. 'How about a dance instead!'

Roshi and Krillin moved their feet as the bullets were shot at the ground around him. Launch laughed maniacally, spraying them with bullets. Then Launch sneezed again, and was her blue-haired self again. Her gun was smoking, and she rubbed the back of her head. 'Oh, dear me, sorry.'

Kakarot put his arm around Chi Chi, who blushed at the feeling of how close he was. 'Simple pleasures are the best.' he said.

'You see!' said Launch with a laugh. 'My other half comes out when I sneeze, and she doesn't like pig-headed boys!' She paused. 'Did she do anything bad to you?'

'N-not too bad…' said Roshi, glasses cracked.

With Launch moving in, Roshi and Krillen would have to control themselves, at least if they wanted to hold on to their skin.

Authors Note:

Dear God, I am sick of filler. I know that this episode is important because it brings in Launch, and I'll admit it's better than the last one. But what I want is for the story to get to the actual training. These last two chapters were profoundly awkward for me to write. They are both incredibly sexist, featuring two extremely sexist characters prominently. I grew up in a house with two sisters, and I despise sexist trends in Anime.

Consequently, I did not really enjoy writing these two chapters. And it was incredibly awkward fitting Chi Chi into the role of the canon Goku. I took a great deal of satisfaction from the scene where Launch machine guns Roshi. He had it coming.