Halloween

Months had passed. But not a single day went by where Regina didn't think about Emma. She spent her time burying herself in work. If she stayed busy, she could forget all about the conflicting feelings she'd experienced every time the sight of Emma's face popped back into her mind.

For the first few months, she blamed herself. She told herself she should have never pushed Emma. That she crossed a line and made her uncomfortable and that's the reason why Emma fled so quickly. But warm weather offered her a fresh perspective and she chalked it up to the fact that neither she nor Emma were capable of handling the emotions that people in relationships were typically able to face.

But with autumn came a new sensation. Not guilt. Not betrayal. Not anger toward Emma nor herself. Just a lingering sadness that sat heavy on her chest every single day.

It didn't matter that her company had been doing well these past few months. They've been steadily increasing revenue each quarter. Her investors were thrilled – but, for the first time, part of her wished that she had someone to share her happiness with.

Trying not to read too much into it, she had days where she convinced herself that she only felt so deeply infatuated with Emma because it was the closest thing she'd ever had to a relationship – even if it was only a few dates. But she knew that was a lie. Deep down, something reminded her that from the first moment she'd laid eyes on Emma at the bar, she needed her in a way she never needed anyone else before.

She was grateful for the lack of holidays in the past few months, too. She hadn't been forced to face her mother or any more blind dates. She could shut it all out and just keep busy. But by the time she got into her bed each night, she'd stare at the other side of the bed. She'd reach her hand out, as if she were hoping to close her eyes and feel Emma beside her again. Then she'd toss and turn, hoping she'd see Emma in her dreams.

The weather was warmer today than it had been earlier in the week, and Regina couldn't seem to focus on work any longer. After wrapping up her morning workload, she asked her assistant to reschedule her afternoon meetings. She logged off and pulled her scarf around her neck before grabbing a train uptown.

Emma hated herself for doing this. She knew there were much easier ways to track Regina down, but maybe part of her felt like she didn't deserve to find her. Not after the way she ran out all those months ago without muttering a word of explanation to Regina.

Every time she started spiraling and blaming herself, she remembered that Regina made the first move that night that put them in this situation. Sure, Emma was the one who ran away. But if Regina wanted to speak to her so badly, she could have called or texted. They both lost something good, but maybe Regina didn't care.

In the process of trying to distract herself from Regina, Emma caved and downloaded Tinder. Not that it helped – her hatred for small talk made her dread checking the app every time it notified her that someone new had matched with her. And when she did make the effort to try and go on two or three dates, she'd come home at the end of the night cursing herself and cursing Regina for making her feel like this.

But still, something brought her here every day on her lunch break. She knew this was nowhere near Regina's office building. There was no chance of Regina bumping into her. But here she was, for the sixth consecutive week, walking up the steps of The Met and headed for the entrance.

What am I even doing here? Her thoughts mocked her every single time. Why here? Why would she be here? I don't even know if she likes art.

But she already knew the answer to her questions, as irrational as it may seem.

Women lining up for Emma from The Met to Brooklyn. No woman—no person—had ever made her feel wanted until Regina came along.

So, with Emma's twisted and distorted logic, that meant the only person who belonged in this metaphorical line was Regina Mills. It meant that, one day, she might finally show up here and Emma's logic wouldn't be so distorted after all.

She made her rounds, pacing around the same exhibits she'd begun to memorize at this point. When she was just about to call it a day, the outline of a body caught her eye. Familiar, and drawing her in like a magnet.

For a moment, Emma thought she was hallucinating. Maybe after so many weeks, her mind was playing tricks on her and she was just so desperate.

"Regina?" Emma finally spoke once she was eight feet away. When the woman started to turn, Emma exhaled. What was she thinking? This wasn't Regina Mills.

But it was. Standing in front of her, her long coat unfastened and revealing clothes that indicated she'd come from the office.

"Oh, god. Emma?" Regina's voice softened, as if she were relieved. "What are you doing here?"

Emma shifted her weight and bit her bottom lip when she realized she didn't actually think she'd get to this moment. And, now that she was here, she didn't have an excuse for why. She decided that going with the truth would be her best bet.

"Would it be extremely pathetic if I told you I came here in hopes of running into you again?"

Regina's expression was much more transparent than Emma was used to. Normally, Regina was impossible to read. But not now. Her eyes widened and she blinked as if she were fighting back tears. She cleared her throat and stood up straighter, desperate to regain her composure.

"You have my phone number, you know?"

Emma shook her head and averted her gaze, finding a spot on the floor to try and conceal her shame. How could she have so easily deleted Regina's number—the only piece of her she had to hold onto—without even hesitating?

"I– well. I don't, actually. I may have deleted it."

Regina felt an ache in her chest and her body went cold all the way to her core. But she refused to let Emma see the sadness flowing through her. Instead, she shuffled backward a step and waited for Emma to look up.

"So are you dating someone new then?"

Emma looked up, surprised by Regina's response. She wanted to hide. To duck out of sight and avoid this conversation altogether. Maybe this was all a mistake.

"No. I mean– I tried. But, no. I'm not. What about you?"

This made Regina laugh, and Emma felt her eyebrows furrow together in response.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I have no intention of dating anyone. That's all." Regina stepped closer finally, dropping her hands to her side.

"I need to apologize," Emma began. "For the way I ran out. I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't fair to you."

"No need for apologies, Miss Swan." Her voice was cold, almost robotic.

The use of the formal title usually made Emma laugh. But, right now, it stung. She could feel walls around Regina growing higher and she knew she had to do something quickly if she wanted to stop them from shutting Emma out completely.

"Hey, it's a holiday today." Emma tried, unsure where she was going with this. "Although I assume our holiday arrangement already kind of ran its course—" She realized it didn't run its course. She'd fled from it. "Or, maybe I've just ruined it."

Regina frowned and shook her head.

"You didn't ruin the arrangement." If anything, Regina felt that she was the one who had jeopardized it. "But Halloween was never really my thing."

Emma's heart sunk and she forced out a laugh. "Right, yeah. Me neither. I liked it as a kid. I got to be someone else for one day instead of being myself," she rambled. But she was desperate. "When you grow up in a home that's never truly yours, it's easier to just pretend sometimes."

Regina stepped closer after hearing this, her lips curling downward.

"Why would you want to be someone else? From where I'm standing, Emma Swan is pretty incredible."

When she felt her heart flutter, Emma remembered what she was still capable of. She had quickly forgotten the way Regina made her feel. But now, just as quickly, Regina had reminded her. Before she could say anything, the sound of a ringing cell phone made them both turn their attention toward Regina's coat pocket.

She checked the number and offered Emma an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, this is work." She swiped to dismiss the call and opened her messages app. After a few moments, Emma felt her own cell phone vibrate in her back pocket. "There. Now you have my number again. Try not to delete it this time."

And with a warm smile that Emma missed seeing, Regina was gone.

It took Emma over two weeks before she finally caved and texted Regina.

Sorry again for losing your number. I'll try not to recklessly delete contacts after I sleep with them anymore.

She'd hoped that her mildly playful message would ignite a banter-filled conversation, or at least an equally playful response. So when her phone chimed, she smiled before she even read the reply.

We drank too much and made a mistake. No big deal.

The elation washed away as quickly as it had appeared, and she tossed her phone until it landed on the opposite end of her sofa. But she didn't have much time to bask in her misery. A knock at her door startled her and she frowned, letting her feet carry her across the room.

"Em, it's me. Let me in!"

The sound of Ruby's voice did little to distract her, but it was a small comfort and she welcomed the company.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, you've been ignoring my calls for days and haven't told me what happened after your run-in with you-know-who."

Emma laughed, appreciating Ruby's meager attempts at subtlety.

"You can say her name, Ruby. It's not like you're going to summon her spirit."

"So did you text her? You told me she gave you her number? Maybe you should call!"

Emma laughed out loud – a harsh, mocking laugh just from the irony of Ruby's timing.

"Funny you should mention that." She walked over and fished her phone out from between the couch cushions. "I just texted her and this was her reply." She handed the phone to Ruby and forced back a sigh.

"Yikes. Harsh."

"Yeah," Emma said flatly. She tucked her phone into her back pocket. "Now you see why I haven't come running with news. There's nothing to tell."

"Okay, hear me out. This is going to sound crazy but have you tried just being honest with her?"

Emma cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, right. I forgot that in order to be honest with her, it means you have to be honest with yourself first." She didn't wait for Emma to interject before continuing. "Don't try and play dumb because you and I both know you have feelings for her and you just don't know how to cope. Why else would you have run away?"

Emma groaned, dropping down onto the couch and letting her head fall into her open hands.

"Okay, so maybe I do have feelings for her. I– I don't know. I've never felt this way before. But hasn't Regina made it abundantly clear that she doesn't feel the same way since she clearly regrets that we slept together?"

"Did she say she regrets it?"

"Well, no." Emma frowned. "No, she didn't. But she said we made a mistake."

"Okay, but hear me out. What do you have to lose if you just reach out and tell her you enjoyed what happened and don't think it was a mistake?"

"Hm, I don't know? My dignity?" She groaned and Ruby shot her a disapproving look.

"I mean... I guess you're right. I've already ruined whatever chance I've had with her and she probably doesn't want anything to do with me at this point."

"That's the spirit!" Ruby teased. "Do you want some privacy or do you need my h—"

Ruby was cut off by the sound of Emma's phone ringing.

They both peered down in confusion and Emma's heart sank when she saw Regina's name.

"Maybe she's beating you to the punch?" Ruby said hopefully before walking away to give Emma some space.

"Hello?" Emma's voice wavered, unsure what to prepare for.

"Hello, Emma. Sorry for the abrupt call – I just figured it would be easier than texting back and forth."

Emma nodded, and then realized Regina couldn't see her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Regina had already begun to continue.

"I was hoping for a chance to revive our holiday arrangement."

"Wh– what?"

For a moment, Emma didn't even know what day it was, let alone what month. When she remembered Thanksgiving was a couple weeks away, she inhaled and then forced herself to exhale slowly.

"It seems my mother is hosting an elaborate dinner for Thanksgiving and it would be far more tolerable with you at my side. I cannot endure another arranged blind date."

"You want to spend Thanksgiving with me?"

Regina laughed, and Emma felt a little better just hearing the sound of the warmth in her tone.

"Well I thought that was the point of this entire arrangement but perhaps I missed the part about certain holiday exclusions?"

"Oh. No," Emma echoed her laugh but it was more of a nervous laugh than a warm one. "I mean– yes. You can count me in."

"Looking forward to it."

They said their goodbyes, and Emma leaned back into the comfort of the sofa cushion. She thought that this would help make her feel better – to hear from Regina. To know that nothing had changed between them. But it only left her with more questions than she'd had before.