Chapter 4: The Guilty Son

"I know everything I need to know about you!" Rey fired off insult after insult in the face of Kylo Ren, who was standing before her on the mountainside, a feat that had to be impossible.

"You do?" He took a step forward, getting closer and closer into her personal space. A scar was torn down his face, a souvenir from her that fateful night. "Ah, you do." He inspected her. "You have that look in your eyes. From the forest. When you called me a monster."

Her eye twitched as she retorted. "You are a monster."

He took one more step closer and gave his response, misery, and defeat in his voice. "Yes, I am."

The Force connection ended, leaving Rey to consider just what he was saying.

Did he have remorse for attempting to kill his father?

Sunshine poured through the windows of the office.

Rey blinked her eyes open, feeling something very large and heavy pinning her down to a black velvet couch. Her muscles ached. How did she get here?

Everything from the previous night came flooding back. The move-in. Being late to return only to find a drunk and extremely depressed Kylo on the floor, weeping about how his family didn't want him.

And now he was on top of her, resting peacefully. He looked decidedly less grumpy when he slept, more youthful. More at ease.

The one thing she couldn't remember was exactly the logistics of this very compromising position she was in. Why was Kylo's body on top of her? When did they move to the couch? More importantly, his face was next to hers, well within kissing distance.

Didn't she hate this man yesterday?

She swallowed dryly. She didn't quite hate him anymore, not after all the truth came spilling out of his mouth about how he couldn't even remember the exact events that put his father in a coma. She still didn't like his attitude and the fact he was demanding, but hatred was perhaps too extreme.

Rey considered telling him when he woke up that Han was awake, but she figured it wasn't her business. This was private familial affairs; she had no right to intrude, as much as her lonely soul begged to be a part of a family.

She moved her hand and she realized with slight horror that his own hand was clasping hers, their fingers intertwined. The hell?

Her heart was pounding. This was so, so awkward of a position to be in with her boss. Her hot yet drives-her-up-the-wall boss.

Kylo finally roused from sleep, his molten amber eyes boring into hers. Her breathing hitched.

"Rey?" His voice was hoarse and rough from the sobbing and alcohol.

She cleared her throat and put on her assistant voice. "Good morning Kylo. Would you like me to go grab some hangover remedies?"

As he came into awareness, he looked down at the fact his large frame was practically squishing her body and he bolted up, wobbling all the while and holding his head.

"Yes."

She tightened her lips into a frown. She wasn't that repulsive… Was she?

Rey got up and left the office. It had to be stupid early in the morning if Amilyn wasn't even there yet at the front desk.

As she got into her car, she sighed. Even if she didn't quite hate him, there was perhaps little doubt that he despised her. After all, he didn't even really want her there in the first place.

Rey dug through the book of legends that she found next to the Jedi texts. It detailed many things from a mysterious lake, to magical monsters, to one thing that caught her attention.

A dagger that would show the heart's deepest desires and lead the user to it.

Luke gave her the final lesson that he agreed to teach her that day and refused to give any more. He could kriff off with his grumpy attitude and freaking out that she went straight to the dark for answers.

Well, if the light wouldn't help, then maybe this dagger would.

She grabbed her staff and marched down the mountains, the book in her satchel. The book detailed that said dagger was actually close by in a cave full of kyber.

Her ears heard it. Her soul felt it. Another Force connection. How irritating and annoying.

She paused mid-step. "I'd rather not do this now."

"Yeah me too."

The Force was not giving her reprieve from this odd connection with her own enemy. She turned to face him. "Why do you hate your fath—"

Kylo stood there, his robes in his hands, revealing his very broad chest and bare arms. And he was staring at her as if he had no shame.

Her cheeks burned and she averted her gaze. "Will you… Put on something please?"

He did nothing. He didn't plan to.

The kriffing bastard.

Rey sucked it up and looked up into his eyes, trying hard not to stare at his very defined chest.

"Why do you hate your father?" she demanded, tears prickling at her eyes.

"I didn't hate him," he said, taking a step closer to her. Why is it he was always approaching her? Like he wasn't afraid of her? Did he have a death wish or something?

"Then why?!" She cried. "Why did you… Do that to him? I don't understand."

"Because your parents threw you away like garbage, unwanted."

"They didn't!"

He wasn't looking at her. "They did. But you can't stop needing them. You look for them everywhere in the people around you. Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be." He took a moment before speaking again. "Did Skywalker tell you what happened?"

"Yes," she said, fire and venom in her tone.

Somehow, because of this connection they both had, he knew what Skywalker said.

"No. He had sensed my power, as he senses yours, and he feared it."

Images of that night, a green sword cutting through the darkness of sleep, with Luke Skywalker, ready to kill a young man who was just sleeping, flashed into her mind. She didn't fight back, didn't push him from her mind. Something told Rey that it was futile to do so. He was inside her head, and she was inside his.

Her retort was weak. "Liar," she said, hoping it was just a lie, but she felt as if it wasn't.

The connection ended, and Rey was alone.

Rey checked her phone outside the pharmacy and winced. Several missed calls and text messages from Rose.

She placed the bag of hangover remedies in the car and got in, calling Rose.

"Rose?" Rey said when the line picked up.

"Oh thank god Rey we were worried when you didn't come back," Rose said.

"I'm so sorry. Last night got insane and I… It's a long story but I'm fine."

Rey wasn't used to having people worry about her like this. Having someone care that she did come back. It was one thing to be given a roof but to have someone make sure she returned safe was another.

Rey swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll definitely be back tonight. Promise."

"You better be."

The call ended and Rey sighed. What was she going to say when she was asked for her reasons? She watched her boss have a drunken meltdown and they fell asleep on a couch together, and that very fact repulsed him. No way was she going to spill all that to Rose.

She pulled out of the drugstore parking lot and went back to First Order Investments.

Rey was, for lack of a better term, lost.

The mountain path had a fork and she took a left, but there was another fork, and now everything looked the same in the endless maze of a forest.

So much for finding that cave.

Rey huffed and then pressed her hand to a tree, closing her eyes and breathing in and out slowly. Breathing was easier now. She could feel every root around her, every leaf. Every growing plant. The insects, the wildlife, the birds, the gentle breeze, the rush of water down a stream.

Another lifeform. Two lifeforms.

Rey relaxed and followed her instincts, letting the Force guide her. She was relieved that her deep meditation didn't summon Kylo Ren to stare at her with molten, smoldering eyes.

She came upon a mill and to what looked like to be a woman in guard armor taking a drink from a canteen. The sash on her wrist was the same banner color of Alderaan.

"Hello?" Rey asked, cautious but glad to see someone else who wasn't porgs or a grumpy Jedi master or a shirtless dark knight.

"Oh. You're… Rey right?" the woman said. "The one who bested Kylo Ren in a duel?"

Even when he wasn't here she still couldn't escape him. "Yes. I am Rey."

"I'm Rose Tico. Princess Leia sent me on patrol around here with my sister Paige just in case."

"Just in case?"

Rose nodded, snapping her canteen shut. "In case Ren counter-attacked or found your location."

"Have you seen anything unusual around here? Like, say a cave or something?"

Rose's lips tightened up in thought. "I've seen a couple of caves on the mountainside."

"I'm trying to find my way to the mountainside but I am lost."

Rose pointed down a path into the woods behind the mill. "That way with the left fork will lead you back to the mountainside."

Another woman came out of the mill, rubbing her face with a damp cloth. "Rose—oh. Is this Rey?"

Rose nodded. "Rey, this is Paige. Paige, I'm going to show her something by the mountain. Should be back before nightfall."

Paige straightened her back and gave her sister a salute. "Be careful Rosie."

'Rosie' stuck out her tongue before marching into the woods, with Rey in tow.

It must be nice, having a family to joke around with.

Kylo Ren was screwed.

Scratch that, he was utterly fucked.

As he rubbed his sore eyes while trying to focus on his laptop screen, thoughts of Rey plagued his throbbing mind.

Why in the hell did she stay with him last night? It didn't make sense. He openly confessed that he was a monster and for her own damned safety she should have left the drunken man rambling on about his miserable existence. But, she stayed. And touched him. And he couldn't remember how he ended up cuddling her soft, lithe body on the couch.

The utterly fucked portion of all this was he would like to do it again, minus the liquor and hangover. He liked being held by her, he liked how she listened. It was, for a lack of better descriptor in his recovering, dehydrated state, nice.

When was the last time anyone in his life listened to his woes and pain?

When was the last time he ever confessed his sins to anyone?

Life since Rey came along was off and confusing but so, so right. After Snoke's inquiry of Rey weeks ago, Kylo was determined to keep his self-control in check because he wanted to know everything about her. All he could get was that she was ten years younger than him thanks to the file info Amilyn sent him, and she didn't put up with his shit. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn Rey could kick his ass too in a fight. And she was small compared to his enormous, clumsy size. He filled the doorway while she barely reached past the second hinge.

His mind went back to his dream, a dream where she was screaming at him, and he took everything in.

I know everything I need to know about you!

You do? Ah, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest, when you called me a monster.

You are a monster.

Yes, I am.

He had become numb to being called a monster, and he accepted it as fact, but something hurt when she called him a monster. Perhaps it was his attraction to her, the eager ability, and desire to please her and be viewed as more than just that. To be worthy in her eyes.

Fat chance there, he blew his first impression with her on day one with his temper. He blew everything, destroyed everything he touched.

When she came back to his office with a bag in hand, he stared at her with sore eyes, trying to memorize the look of her lips for later, a small sad glimmer of hope in his fantasies. He would never be able to kiss her pink mouth but he can think about it, right?

Rey handed him something for his headache and a bottle of water to hydrate. The aroma of greasy hamburgers wafted over his nose, overpowering Rey's sweet scent.

"Do you need me right away? My roommates got concerned I didn't come home last night," she said.

He looked her up and down; she was still in the same clothes as yesterday. He was no better, still in his suit with his tie undone and his eyes bloodshot and dead like a zombie.

"No. You go. I will be here but I won't be needing much."

An email from Snoke popped up in his in-box.

Rey looked over him with concern. "Just, eat okay?"

Kylo's heart skipped a beat. "Right."

She left him alone with only hangover food and his thoughts. Opening his email while shoving his favorite food from Maz's—Maz of course would know what food to get him—dread sank into his gut at the contents.

TO: kyloren

FROM: jamessnoke

SUBJECT: Rent Approval.

Ren,

There has been a change in tenants since the rent raise I would like to discuss with you in person in an hour.

—Snoke.

Kylo scoured the entire library in search of answers. All he could find were endless tomes about the dark side, the Empire's rise and fall, and a guide to kyber crystal bleeding. Like he needed help with that.

He glanced at his sword on his belt. He cracked his kyber when he bled it, all of his pain and suffering and woes going right into it till it hurt his own soul.

Pouring over another tome, he searched for anything regarding Force-bonds. They existed, but none described one such as this.

Kylo could see Rey and only Rey. He can speak to her. He can read her like an open book. And worse, it was a frequent occurrence. Well, not worse for him. On the contrary, the only peace he gets in his mind is during these forced-conversations between them. There was no one else talking in his head, just her.

Only her.

He couldn't admit that she was growing on him. Those thoughts weren't allowed to go anywhere. Even as she spewed words of pure, deserved hatred, he just couldn't stop his pulse from racing or observing how she speaks with passion and her light dusting of freckles upon her face moved with each twitch of her cheeks.

His damned concern for her came at the fact she was listening to his old master, paranoid of darkness, paranoid of what he would and has become. That disappointment and fear he experienced, no way in hell did he want her going through it.

Another dead end in another tome. Kylo sat back, deciding to take notes on a piece of parchment of his observations.

Can see her surroundings.

Can talk to each other.

Touch?

Feel?

Kiss?

He crossed out that last one, avoiding thinking about it. Kylo should not be falling for the girl who tore a scar down his face.

But, if he could allow one intrusive thought, it would be how powerful and lively she looked wielding a glowing blue weapon.

"We need to talk about your assistant's pay," Snoke said, pouring a glass of bourbon.

Kylo eyed the glass with a repulsive no-thank-you feeling in his gut and a lingering throb of his head.

"What about it?" Kylo said, his voice still hoarse. Trying to school himself into being the usually confident and calm persona with no emotions was an utter failure due to his recent mental breakdown.

"We pay her extremely well, yet she decided to move in with two roommates to split the rent. By my calculations based on her income, she should be paying more." Snoke looked over his notes, written neatly in a fine-point pen on his desk. "Wouldn't you agree?"

There were no disagreements with Snoke in this business. Kylo had to comply with every decision, every choice. Reading between the lines and grasping for loopholes became Kylo's expertise.

"Yes. She should pay more." Kylo couldn't lie about how much he pays her, he paid her extremely well on purpose, higher than what was considered normal for a personal assistant with no other prior experience.

"Good, good. We'll increase her rent by six-hundred next month."

When Kylo left the office, he was digging through all the loopholes he could find in the contract in his head. The apartment buildings got their rent increased by three-hundred this month without warning. The day rent was due was when Kylo got the email. Another six-hundred specifically targeting Rey? Who went out of her way to stay with him during all this?

Kylo wished he could take off that burden on her and have her live with him, but well, that was a pipedream.

"This is the top of the mountain," Rose said, stopping at the fork in the dirt path with a faded rotting wooden sign that said "Illum Pass."

Rey looked around the thick rocks and boulders lining the mountainside. A light drizzle began to mist over the ground, making it slick.

Something was calling in the Force.

She pulled out the book she took from the ancient Jedi temple, finding a picture of the dagger. Perhaps that was what was calling her.

Taking one tentative step forward, she began to follow that feeling, the whispers, the promises, the call that Luke repulsed in terror.

Rose followed behind her to the mouth of a cave. Inside of it in the dull grey light was crystals lining the walls and ceiling.

"I'll wait outside," Rose said. "Jedi thing right?"

Rey nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Rose."

One step inside. Then two.

The crystals seemed to sing and glow. A comforting hum in the Force enshrouded her entire being, flowing, pure. No dichotomy between light and dark.

As she got farther and farther in, something was tugging at her desires, her wants, her inner selfishness.

"Let me see them," she whispered, echoes dancing off the walls. My parents, she added non-verbally, knowing this presence could hear the sentiment all the same.

At the end of the cave was a singular floating kyber crystal. Colorless. She kneeled down before it, reaching out to it but hesitating.

A voice, an eerily familiar voice, spoke.

Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?

I hate my name! I hate that I'm just some vessel for someone's legacy.

Kylo Ren. I was just a child though…

I heard it, Master Luke. It was calling out to me.

I didn't want this…

The last person to be here had to be Kylo Ren before he was Kylo Ren. Before, when he was Ben Solo.

Rey tried to keep her hatred of him alight but found she couldn't for the life of her. There was so much more, so much more. She was thinking about how he spoke last time to her. His words, his phrases, his pure misery sinking into her mind as he explained what had happened the night the temple was destroyed.

"Let me see…" for the moment, her desire to see her parents faded. "Let me see that night."

Without hesitation, she grabbed the kyber crystal.

Rey found herself on the ground in the forest. A collapsed hut laid to her right. She sat up on her knees and watched as a man, younger, less scared and less war-torn, scrambled out of the wreckage. She could feel his horror and betrayal and pain.

He looked at the peaceful temple, gasping for breath before a lightning strike, the largest anyone had seen to humankind, struck the temple and set it aflame. The blast was so powerful it sent Ben Solo flying onto his back.

He watched with unshed tears as the entire place burned to the ground. "I never… I didn't want this," he muttered just loud enough for Rey to hear.

Rey was pulled out of her vision, landing flat on her butt. Holding the kyber crystal in her trembling hand, she forced her tears to stay. She couldn't cry over events that happened years ago.

Getting up, she noticed there was something else inside the cave in a faded glowing light. On a pedestal was a dagger, untouched by time. The handle was black and the blade was so polished it reflected the light in Rey's eyes. She picked it up and gazed into it. There was nothing in it, not even her reflection.

"Let me see them," she said again. "My parents."

A cloud formed in the dagger and gave away to a face. Her face.

The tears spilled down her cheeks. Still gripping the dagger, she said something else, anything else to ease her pain.

"Show me… Show me what I am searching for."

The clouds misted over the blade and a pair of smoldering amber eyes stared back at her. The faint trace of a scar right over the left eye left no room for doubt.

She dropped the dagger onto the floor in shock before picking it back up again. It still showed his eyes.

Rey left the cave and brushed past Rose.

"You okay?" Rose asked.

Rey looked back at her, trying to obscure her fresh tears and rough voice. "I'm fine. I need to go. Thank you."

The Force guided her back to the temple in the dead of night, and she knew he was waiting for her in her lonely little hut.

Rose was right at the door as soon as Rey unlocked the door.

"What happened?" Rose asked. "You didn't come back."

Rey nodded, yawning. "It's a long story but I had to finish something for my boss."

Ah, right. Her asshole boss, Kylo Ren. Figures he would keep her out at all hours.

"You look exhausted," Rose said, leading her to the kitchen table and setting the water to boil.

Rey cracked her neck with a loud pop. "All nighter on a not-very comfy couch."

Rose sat down at the table across from her, resuming her sewing on the red dress. "So everything is approved. There's food in the fridge. I have to go in twenty minutes, but you'll get your rest, right?"

"Absolutely Rose. I'm fine. I just need a shower." Rey got up and kicked off her shoes by the door and limped to her room with a mattress on the floor.

Rose heard the sound of a door closing and let out a sigh of relief. She pulled out her phone to text Finn.

Rey is okay. I'm worried about her. She said she had to finish something up for her boss but she looks like she got no sleep and limped to her room.

Her phone chirped with a response.

You think Ren did something to her and she won't tell?

That was not a pleasant thought to consider, but how Rey's livelihood was in the man's hands and she was young and beautiful…

Another victim of Snoke's nasty influence.

Rose hoped that these suspicions were false.

"And now, you must die."

Rey was on the ground, held against her will in the massive walls of the throne room of the dark castle. Snoke stood by his throne, his clawed hands grasping Rey so she was in perfect height to be beheaded by Kylo.

By Ben.

Rey held back her tears, begging in her mind as she gazed into soulful amber eyes holding his sword in his hand.

"Ben," she whispered. Please I know you're in there…

"You think you can turn him? Pathetic child," Snoke said with a snarl.

This man she had unfairly fallen for, believed when no one else believed, was going to kill her. If she were to die, then dying trying to bring him back from the dark side was perhaps the best way to go.

She braced herself for her neck to be sliced off by the fiery red blade.

But it never came.

Rey returned to work at one, freshly showered, napped, armed with food, and in nicer clothes.

She bumped into a man with no hair and a grotesque permanently broken nose and a glare that rivaled Kylo's.

"Ah, so you're Ren's new lovely assistant," he said, voice dripping with contempt while his eyes leered over her. "I'm James Snoke; I'm in charge of this company."

Rey took a step back to get some space between her and the creep. "Nice to meet you. I must deliver Mr. Ren's lunch to him. Excuse me."

She scooted past him and right into Kylo's office, plopping down the bag of food from Maz's.

He looked up from his laptop to bore into her eyes.

"Rey…" he said, still looking exhausted and hungover.

His phone rang again.

"Can you get that?" he muttered, reaching for the food without so much as a thank you.

She pursed her lips. Right back to him not caring about her. Why did she even bother half the time?

Rey picked up his phone on the desk and saw the mysterious mystery number he had been avoiding for so long.

Call from: Leia Organa.

Without giving Kylo a chance to say anymore, she answered.

"Hello, Kylo Ren's office. His PA is speaking."

Kylo was ignoring her, opting to stare dead-eyed at his laptop while he munched on crinkle-cut fries.

"Ah hello, Rey dear. Is my son there? May I speak to him?"

Her heart sank, and guilt flooded her gut. She hadn't told him out of spite the news about his father and his lamenting of misery behind everything he had done put her actions into perspective. Leia was very persistent in calling him several times and yet, Kylo ignored all of them.

"Of course," she said, handing the phone to Kylo. "It's urgent."

He took it and then his face got even paler than usual. His eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost.

"M-Mom," he stuttered, firing a death glare at Rey before waving at her to leave.

Rey rolled her eyes at his theatrics before marching out of his office to go get some coffee.

When she returned, Kylo was leaning against the front of his desk. His loose tie, unbuttoned shirt, and his glare made her squeeze her thighs together, but she ignored the sensation. Who was he to get mad at her for doing as she was told? It's not her fault he has a crappy relationship with his mother.

"Next time," he said with a hard edge to his already deep voice. "If my mother calls, you don't answer."

"And why should I not answer? For all I know she might be trying to tell you something important," Rey fired back. Leia had to have told him that Han was awake, there was no other reasoning for her insistent calls. "Like a family emergency."

"That's none of your damn business."

She rolled her eyes. "It became my business last night."

He pointed a finger at her. "You will do well to forget last night."

"Fine, have it your way. But your mother has clearly been trying to talk to you and you've been ignoring her."

"I'm not ignoring it. I'm simply refusing to engage."

"Oh, that's what we're calling it? Your family gives a damn about you and you willingly choose to cut them off when it's clear as day to me they want you fucking back!"

"And how would you know about my family? Hmm? You know nothing about them. You know fucking nothing about what happened between me and them."

"I know enough."

She turned on her heel and left, tears of anger and frustration and loneliness pouring down her cheeks as she went back to her car and cried her heart out while leaning against the steering wheel.

Kylo Ren was not an easy man to like. He hated her. From the sound of it, he hated his family too.

But Rey desperately wanted to like him, because she couldn't hate him, not anymore.