Hands curled in bumps on her head. Hands enveloping hers to lead her away from her straying thoughts. Hands around her shoulders, pulling her close, nothing but a sheet between their heat.
Hands tying his shoes. Around the milk carton. Hands gripping chopsticks and her wrist at the table and brushing her head. Hands there to comfort her, hands there to drive her crazy, hands avoiding all the places she wishes they would explore.
"Now… I'm disillusioned."
What? Is that it? It was all nothing after all?
Tohru's not stupid. She wants to believe every touch has the meaning for him that it does for her. She wonders if he daydreams about her hands too and how much smaller they are compared to his. How his hands have grown to surround hers with pressure and warmth in a way they didn't in the beginning. But the beginning is sweet too, his trembling hands under hers that day he and Yuki-kun rescued her from her extended family.
This, now, is the opposite of rescue. She reminds herself to breathe as she walks, barefoot, cheeks coated in the remnants of tears. Her feet hit the ground with a firmness she has never considered before. She is really here. She said what she needed to say. And now she pays the price for vulnerability.
A rustle in the bushes. She stops, holding her breath. She wishes for Kyo-kun. Like when he found her curled on the sidewalk, palms flat on the pavement, as memories of Mom overwhelmed her. His hands, then, wispy on the top of her head, like he desired to comfort her but was holding himself back. He was always holding back. She always wanted more. She still does, though now she can never ask for it. Doesn't deserve it. So right now, in this moment, hoping for his appearance from the woods is in line with all of that. Please come. Please come and whisk me away.
She holds back tears. It won't happen. It's all gone. So whatever it is, whatever will come out and face her, it won't be him. I'm not stupid, she reminds herself. I don't need him to comfort me always. Right now…
So when Akito-san bursts into her line of vision, Tohru stands taller. She meets Akito-san's eyes. Woman to woman. She notices the visible distress, the lines on Akito-san's face. It is her turn to stand tall. No matter how much it hurts: the pain of losing Kyo-kun, the hurt of his rejection, and the final, gutting realization her mother is gone and always going further away.
No matter how much Akito-san's trembling hand gripping a knife terrifies her. Tohru will stand tall until the end.