Two in one day! I just really wanted to get this up.

Emma hasn't slept well since she took on the curse. Dark Ones don't need sleep, so the enormity didn't hit her until her mother died. She's exhausted, but she can't sleep. She lays in the dark, staring at the ceiling as she waits for her mother to just come crashing through the door.

She's reminded of her mom's hug after the first curse broke. She had been so uncomfortable and wanted it all to end, a mix of emotions swirling through her mind. She was mad, she was relieved. She was hurt, she was excited. But all she could convey was silence, as Snow hugged her as if she might disappear again.

Emma took her mother's hugs for granted. Snow was a hugger, Emma wasn't. But what she wouldn't give for her mom to wrap her arms around her one more time. She wants to inhale the mixture of floral perfume and fabric softener. She wants to hear the words "I love you, baby" whispered into her ear, even if it makes her cheeks turn pink.

Emma Swan is 30 years old and she just wants her mommy.

As the clock hits six, Emma stumbles out of bed. The sun is coming up over head and she knows there's no way she'll sleep now. She doesn't want to, given what she's dreamt in the small moments she has. Dreams used to be fun things, like talking donuts or being on a quiz show in her pajamas. Now, they're just flashbacks.

She dreams of Arthur nearly killing her mother in Camelot. Emma saved her, but once they got the spark lit…Snow collapsed. Gasping for breath, she begged Emma to let her die.

"As long as you're safe and happy, that's all that matters," Snow manages to let out once Emma poofs them into the meadow.

"I need you," Emma cries over her body.

"We had some great times together, just cherish what we had."

"That's not enough for me!"

Emma's selfishness had saved her mother and at first, things were great. The town forgot about those 6 weeks in Camelot but Emma managed to blame it on their new visitors. Snow had no clue about the darkness within her. As it turned out, while Dark Ones didn't need sleep, they still could if they want to. Her mom was a bit more on edge than usual, but she was alive, wasn't she?

And then Zelena. Emma had tried to get rid of her, she sped up her pregnancy without anyone knowing and was going to kill her for everything she did to her, Neal, Henry and her brother. Somehow, she got away and slowly began revealing the truth to everyone. First it was Regina, who didn't want to believe her sister. So, Zelena broke into the shed out back, finding the dreamcatchers. Once Regina saw them, it was game over. She told Snow and David, and Emma's world crumbled down.

Her parents could barely look at her. She can still see Snow wordlessly handing her a mug of hot chocolate and sitting of the side, while Regina reamed her out. David didn't meet her eye when he arrived to announce that Nimue had stolen the dreamcatchers. Everything after that was a blur. Nimue invited the other Dark Ones to Storybrooke via a portal and put black marks on everyone except Emma and her younger brother. The town would die by the end of the night and Emma would be left to pick up the pieces.

She couldn't allow it to happen. The town wasn't going to die for her mistake. She went to Rumpelstiltskin, who told her how to make the ultimate sacrifice. Emma wrote three letters: one for her parents, one for her baby brother and one for her son. She thought she hid them well enough so they wouldn't be discovered until her sacrifice was made.

Of course, Snow found it early. She rushed to the field and that lead to the events of Emma's next dream.

Snow poofs Excalibur away. "You're not doing this."

"It's the only way!" Emma cries out. "If I don't do this, everyone dies."

"Emma, I have lost you enough, I'm not going to again."

"It's too late, I need to think of Neal…Dad…everyone I should've thought about before I started all of this." A sob escapes her lips and Snow places a hand on her shoulder.

"You were scared, baby," Snow whispers. "And I understand. I almost did something horrible to save my mother when I was young."

"But you didn't," Emma sobs. "You made the right choice, you thought of the people around you, not just your pain."

"I had a mom to teach me those things. I wasn't there for you, Emma. Maybe if I was…maybe if I had prevented all the pain you went through…"

"This isn't your fault! I made my own choices!"

"You're right, you did." Snow's hand moves to her cheek, cradling her daughter's face. "And now I'm making mine."

Snow pulls away and turns the dagger towards her. Emma leaps to stop her, but Snow freezes her in place. Without being able to move a muscle, Emma is forced to watch her mother take her own life.

Emma hasn't cried since that moment. She sat in the grass, holding her mom in her arms as she sobbed. She didn't move when her father, Regina and Hook arrived. Her father dropped beside her and took his wife's body into his arms, trying true love's kiss until the ambulance arrived. Emma stayed clinging to her mother's hand, even after she was moved onto the gurney. Once again, her father had to pull her away as Emma's tears intensified. It was the first time he had hugged her or kissed her forehead since the secret was revealed.

Since then, he acted like nothing bad had ever happened. He made sure Emma ate at the funeral. He kept a hand on her back the entire time with Neal snuggled in his other arm. He wrapped a blanket around her when she refused to go upstairs that night. David was the one who reheated the food that everyone brought by. He checked on her, reminded her to shower.

He's being her father when she doesn't deserve it.

Once downstairs, Emma resumes her spot on the couch. It's where she can be found most days, her eyes trained forward. David puts on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for Neal and she tunes it out. Her brother cries and she'll barely flinch. Emma didn't die in that field that night, but she might as well have.

She leans backwards and for once, allows her eye to train on something. Snow's desk is pushed against the wall, untouched. Her gradebook is sat on top, with stacks of papers. Emma wanders over and spots a few uncapped purple pens (her mom hated grading in red). There's the tell-tale family tree assignment, filled in by this year's students. An empty mug that reads "Don't Make Me Use My Teacher Voice" contains nothing but a lone teabag. Emma rubs her fingers over the green tea label, her mother's favorite.

Against the chair is one of Snow's cardigans, one of the uglier ones. It's cream with big, tacky florals on it. Even so, Emma pulls it over her shoulders and inhales. It still smells like a hug from her mother.

She goes back to the couch and plops down, the ugly cardigan bringing her back to her mom's warm embrace. Why hadn't she hugged her more? Why had she been so freaking stubborn about accepting Snow's love?

The stairs creak and Emma braces herself. Her father's awake. He's going to be nice to her, even when she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't understand why he can't hate her. He should've kicked her out or moved back to the loft. He should scream, tell her that he wishes she wasn't his daughter. Blame her! Why doesn't he do any of that?

A few moments later, David enters the room. Neal is snuggled up against him, staring lovingly up at their father. A pang of guilt hits her heart, just as it does every time she sees her brother these days. She grew up without a mother and she's fated him to the same life. He'll have David, an amazing, devoted father. But he'll never remember his mom. He'll never know the kickass bandit who took down countless villains and survived in the woods.

Emma wishes she could tell him stories about her, but she knows so little. So many times, Snow would tell her things about her past. It was an invitation to get her to open up more, an invitation to ask questions. Instead, she curiously smiled and then changed the subject.

God, had she really heard her mom's last story?

"Hey Em," David says, his soft voice cutting through to her thoughts.

"Hey," she mumbles in response.

"I was going to make breakfast. I think maybe today's the day that Neal tries pancakes."

Emma tilts her head. "He's a little young."

"He's going to be 7 months soon; he can have very little pieces."

"I'm not hungry."

David sighs, adjusting the baby in his arms. "Kiddo, when's the last time you ate?"

Emma shrugs. "I think I had some of the casserole that Ashley brought over. It was disgusting."

His lips tug up ever so slightly. "Yeah, she meant well but…come on. Enough mourner food, I'll cook you some chocolate chip pancakes."

Emma's still not hungry, but guilt makes her follow her father into the kitchen. He settles Neal into his high chair and places some rubber blocks in front of the baby to keep him distracted. Emma drops down on a stool and watches her brother. Neal clumsily picks up one of the blocks, sucking on the image of Winne The Pooh that's stamped on the front. He smiles at her behind the drool.

He's so innocent, unaware of what an utter fuck up his big sister is.

"Em," David breaks through to her again. "Cocoa or coffee?"

"Oh, uh, coffee." She loves her dad, but he can't master cocoa. She's not sure she'll ever drink I again. It'll never taste as good as her mother's.

He pours her a mug. It's bright green with cartoonish ladybugs sprawled over it. After Snow was revealed to be alive in the past via a ladybug, Emma had been obsessed with the insect. They were good luck to her.

She'd give anything to have a ladybug fly through and secretly be her mom.

Emma adds too much sugar and just a splash of cream to her coffee, savoring the sweet taste as it pours down her throat. David gives her a small smile, one that doesn't reach the eye. Her father used to smile all the time. They were big smiles, one that overtook his whole face. Now, they're tiny and provide little comfort.

"Do you have plans for the day?"

Emma shrugs. "I'm on leave from work."

David nods. "Thomas was nice to take over."

Nice or the only one that was really qualified given he had worked with sheriffs in the Enchanted Forest, it's up to the beholder to decide.

"I could go back," Emma says.

"Emma…it's been two weeks."

"And what else am I going to do?"

"You just need time. Time to heal…time to grieve…"

Emma doesn't respond to that. Instead, she just sips her coffee and watches Neal take great interest in his blocks. Not long after the pan sizzles to life, the doorbell rings. David wipes his hand on a rag and walks out of the bedroom. A few moments later, a familiar voice fills the kitchen.

"I brought a lasagna."

Regina.

She's been over every day since it happened. She organized their freezer to fit all the food from everyone else. Every day she finds an excuse. Sometimes it's to do laundry. Others she's got more food. There was even the odd day she offered to watch Neal so David could nap, as if Emma wasn't capable of doing it.

Regina has her own family. She's got Henry, not to mention Robin, Roland and the new baby. Doesn't she have anything better to do than come by every day? To help the family of the woman that she spent decades hating.

Emma pushes herself up and heads out of the kitchen, towards the stairs. Any motivation she had to eat to make her dad happy, has disappeared. She's halfway up the stairs, when she hears Regina's voice again. Her entire body clenches.

"Emma, I brought food."

Emma doesn't turn around. "Great."

"And I ran into Archie when I was picking up coffee, he was saying he'd love to talk to you and your dad."

Emma rolls her eyes and turns around. "Regina, why are you even here?

"Emma," David gives her a Look.

"I'm serious, Dad! She hated Mom when she was alive, she tried to kill her numerous times. I'm sure she's glad she's dead."

Hurt strikes Regina's face. "That's not true, Emma."

"Whatever. I took on that stupid curse to save you and look where that got me. I don't want to see you again!"

Emma storms up the rest of the stairs and slams her door behind her. Falling to the floor, she clutches her mom's cardigan closer to her, clenching her mouth shut and willing the tears to not fall down her face.

Next chapter, we get Regina's perspective on all of this.