The Force's Shepherds

Chapter 50

Breakneck Pass

Ben hummed to himself as he held the map close to his face.

"Do we really have to go that way?" He mumbled as he studied the mountainous region that lay before him and his friends.

"We'd have to sweep around and come from the coast the other way." Robin noted as he peeked over Ben's shoulder. He trailed a finger along that possible route, "And that would bring us back into the desert we just got out of."

"Hell no!" Gaius barked behind both of them, "I've had enough of deserts. I'd like some nice, temperate temperatures please. A few pine trees. Maybe an apple tree or two. Oh! Oh! Pomegranates would be better. They're sweeter."

"We are not going to base our travel plans on your sweet tooth." Ben sighed as he rolled up the map.

Robin gave Ben a concerned look. The swordsman looked out of sorts. A strange melancholy had washed over him. Ever since they left the desert and began the ascent through the foothills in north eastern Ylisse, his mood had grown ever more dour. And he did everything in his power to try and find another route to the Eastern Palace that did not involve the East Road. The very same road they all traveled with Chrom when fleeing Ylisstol during the war.

Robin frowned. Now that he thought about it, that was probably why Ben wished to avoid that road. It was the road Emmeryn had been initially captured on. Traveling down that route would reopen wounds that were still very fresh for the swordsman. Robin sighed as he adjusted his pack on his shoulders.

"Ben, we don't have to go to the east." Robin suggested.

The swordsman shook his head, "Any Ylissean refugees during the war either fled to Regna Ferox, or made their way to the Eastern Palace. That is the next most likely place we will find Luke."

"We could try the Longfort first?" Robin again suggested, "That way we could reach the Eastern Palace from the North."

"Impossible." Laurent interrupted, "The northern passes are all iced and snowed over. And they will remain that way for at least another month or two." Robin let out a long sigh as the young scholar spoke, "That renders their trails impassable. Well, if one was determined enough to try, you probably could make it. But there is always the possibility of freezing, starvation, avalanches, sasqua-"

"We get it." Robin cut him off, "North is not an option right now." He placed a hand on Ben's shoulder, "We could wait it out at the Longfort?"

Ben shook his head again, "And possibly miss Luke? No, I cannot take that chance." He raised his gaze to the dirt path that led into the high peaks of Eastern Ylisse. The road led to a pass he was all to familiar with now. "We shall go through Breakneck Pass."

Resolute in his decision, Ben stepped forward. Robin nodded and waved for the others to follow. Soon the entire group was marching high into the snow capped peaks.

A blistering wind whipped around the mountains as they rose higher into the pale skies. Ben wrapped his cloak tight around his body as he led the group forward, into the pass. Snow crunched beneath his boots as ice started to mix in with the wind. He could feel frost beginning to form along his short beard.

"I traded unbearably hot weather for insanely cold weather." Gaius said. His teeth chattered as he marched forward, "I should have stayed in Ylisse."

"It would have saved us your constant complaining." Panne deadpanned, "It is not that cold."

"Says you." Gaius tightened his thin coat over his shoulders, "You have fur."

"The thief has a point." Laurent said as he pushed his spectacles back up the bridge of his nose, "I am beginning to obtain a slight chill as well. Hm? I wonder what the effects on my body will be? I do not have proper warm garments in order to keep the cold at bay. This may merit some study."

"No studies that involve bodily harm to yourself or others." Robin called back, scarcely believing he had to say those words, "And yes, Tharja, that includes you too."

He heard some disgruntled grumbling come from the dark mage behind him. Robin ignored it and kept marching. He pulled his hood over his head as the biting wind picked up in intensity.

Within a few hours, it was snowing. Not a gentle snowfall. Not the kind that made one excited to see snow. No, this snow was a full force gale. A blizzard in the mountains. The wind howled through the white peaks. Screaming so loud that Robin could hardly hear himself think.

The dirt trail disappeared beneath deep layers of snow. Soon, the narrow path up the mountains began to plateau. And the peaks to their south opened up, revealing a massive snow covered canyon.

Ben paused at the top of the plateau. He glanced back at his companions. Robin's cheeks were rosy from the cold. But his coat helped keep him warm. Which allowed him to be able to continue marching at a steady pace. Gaius and Panne were fairing decently. The fur on Panne's body served as a natural barrier to the frozen wind. But every now and then, Ben saw her shiver a little.

Donnel's Ma made sure to pack her son a very thick, wool blanket for his journey away from the village. He had the blanket wrapped tight around his body. But he did not cover his head. Ben could see his teeth chattering. He occasionally swiped at his ears. Trying to bring some warmth back to them.

Ben could tell Laurent was cold. The young scholar wore many robes. But they were thin garments. Much better suited for hot climates than the frozen mountains they were trying to pass through. Nevertheless, the young man marched onward with purpose. Occasionally, he drifted a little away from the others in order to gather samples of the ice and snow.

Tharja fared the worst of the bunch. Her thin outfit did not shield her from the cold at all. Her meager attempts to wrap her cape around her body served only to slow her down while marching. To her credit, she did not complain like Gaius did. But Ben could see she was struggling. Behind her closed lips, her teeth chattered. Frost gathered at the tips of her dark bangs. Shivering was the new normal for her.

The swordsman let out a small sigh and removed his cloak from his body. He could call upon the force to help warm his body. It would be a slightly tiring exercise, but he did not mind. He drifted over to Tharja and placed the large cloak over her shoulders.

"I don't-"

"Take it." Ben interrupted, "You're freezing."

Gaius tapped Ben on the shoulder. Ben's shoulders sagged.

"What?"

"C-can-," Gaius shivered, "I vote for a camp and a fire. Until the snow passes."

Ben furrowed his brow. He glanced over at Panne. The Taguel said nothing. But that spoke volumes. She did not berate Gaius for his complaining in this instance. Which meant she agreed with him. But she was not about to let him know that.

"A fire would work wonders to warm all of us. Perhaps the weather will turn in our favor tomorrow?" Laurent suggested, "I can easily spark some tinder."

"You and the two other mages here." Ben said with a small smile. He glanced over at Robin. The tactician gave Ben a small nod.

"Better to stop now than to get caught in an even worse section of the storm. This land is flat enough to camp on."

Ben had to agree with the tactician. He let his travel pack slide from his shoulder down into the powdery snow at his feet.

"Donnel, do you have some firewood on you?"

Donnel set his pack down and rummaged into it. He managed to pull out a few small logs and some kindling.

"Enough for a few hours." The farm boy replied, "After that, we may have to burn something else."

"A few hours of warmth will work wonders." Ben replied with a nod, "Get that set up. Gaius-"

"Tent time?" Gaius asked hopefully.

"Tent time."

"Yes!" Gaius cheered. He scrambled to unpack the five small tents they had. As he placed the stakes in the frozen ground, he glanced up at Ben, "Who's gonna share with who? After all, there are five tents and seven of us."

Tharja cast a wanting glance at Robin. But she did not raise her voice. Instead, she focused her attention on sparking what little firewood they had. With a small whisper, a wisp of flame shot from her open palm and a fire crackled to life. She rubbed her frozen hands together and let them hover close to the orange flames.

"I can sleep with anyone." Laurent called out as he knelt near the edge of the cliff.

Gaius began to snicker uncontrollably. Meanwhile, Donnel gave him a puzzled look.

"Why're ya laughing?" Donnel asked.

Gaius blinked, "Didn't your Ma teach you anything?" The thief replied as he and Donnel set up the tents.

"She taught me plenty. She taught me to milk the cows, harvest corn and wheat, cook-"

Gaius uttered a small, frustrated grunt, "Not what I meant."

"I assume your snickering is due my phrase being rather suggestive in nature?" Laurent said as he returned from the cliff edge with a large rock in his hand, "I can assure you that was not my intent. Besides, sleeping with another person is perfect for this harsh weather. It helps retain body heat and-"

"And I call Whiskers." Gaius said.

Panne glared at the thief.

"Her fur is like a comfy blanket." Gaius reasoned.

Robin sighed as he finished setting up a tent with Ben.

"It is like babysitting, isn't it?" Robin muttered as he tightened the tent's fabric over the tent poles.

"I consider us lucky." Ben remarked.

"How so?" Robin replied with a small smirk.

"We could have Sully and Vaike with us too."

Robin paled, "I don't think we could handle the shenanigans."

"Mmm, perhaps you couldn't." Ben replied with a little laugh.

Robin's mouth fell open, "And what makes you think you have more patience for those two than me. You look like you are on the verge of strangling Gaius at any moment."

"Because I have had training when it comes to being patient with non-conventional life forms." Ben replied with a wry smirk, "That, and I have learned that violence is never the way to solve a problem."

"Hey Ben! Are you gonna share a tent with Tharja again?" Gaius called over from across the camp, "You know rumors are gonna start flying if you do."

Ben's paused and took a very deep breath, "The Force is testing me."

Robin started laughing, "I'm sure your immense training in patience will prevail in the end. That and all of our moods will improve once we reach the Eastern Palace." Robin clapped his hands once the tent was properly in place, "Perfect." He nodded at Ben and the pair joined the others around the small fire they had built.

Ben sat down in the snow beside Tharja and Donnel. The farm boy grateful that the swordsman put a little bit of separation between himself and the intimidating dark mage. Gaius leaned back on his elbows, letting the warmth from the fire go through his boots and into his frozen feet. Panne crouched down beside him. Laurent sat between Robin and Panne. His tome was cracked open and he was quickly scribbling in it despite the still falling snow and whipping wind.

Gaius smirked at all of them and reached into his pack.

"I saved this," He grunted as he rummaged through his pack, "for an occasion that we would need it." His cold hands withdrew a bottle of Feroxi firewine.

Ben ran hand over his face, "Gaius, how long ago did you steal that?"

"I didn't steal it." Gaius popped the cork, "I borrowed without asking for permission." He brought the bottle his lips, took a small sip, and let out a satisfied sigh once he was done, "Warms my soul."

Gaius held the bottle out to Donnel. The Farm boy looked rather unsure as to whether or not he should take it. Gaius rolled his eyes, grabbed Donnel's hand, and wrapped it around the bottle of fire wine.

"For Naga's sake," Gaius said, "Drink! It'll help warm you up."

Donnel arched an eyebrow, "I don't recall alcohol warming anyone up."

"You're not educated. That's why."

"And you are?" Tharja asked.

Gaius spread his arms, "It's called street smarts, Sunshine."

Donnel sniffed the liquid. His nose wrinkled at the strong, burning smell it gave off. He gave Gaius an uncertain look. The thief rolled his eyes and gestured for him to hurry up. The Farm Boy gulped and brought the bottle to his lips. One small sip ran down his throat.

His eyes bulged from his skull. Donnel tore the bottle from his lips. Hard coughs wracked his lungs as the firewine ran down his throat. The other shepherds laughed a little while Laurent studied the effects the firewine had on Donnel.

"That stuff's horrible." Donnel croaked before coughing again. He swiftly passed the bottle over Ben.

"Pah! You wouldn't know a good drink if it hit you in the face." Gaius said with a small chuckle, "Still, you fared better than I did when I first tried firewine."

Ben took a quick sip. The alcohol burned. But the burning warmed him up. He let out a small sigh and nodded.

"That is good. Very smooth."

"Ben is an alcohol enthusiast?" Gaius let out another laugh, "Who would have thought?"

"Not me." Robin chuckled.

Ben offered the bottle to Tharja. The dark mage took a silent sip and passed the bottle to Robin.

"You know." Robin sighed, "It's been a while since we could all just sit and rest like this."

"It could have happened under better circumstances." Gaius snorted before he dusted some snow from his shoulder, "Pass that back over, I'm still cold."

"Laurent hasn't had any." Robin pointed out.

"I'm quite fine actually." The scholar replied, "I prefer studying the effects rather than enduring them myself. For example, I am noticing a distinct pink tint along Donnel's cheeks at the moment. Perhaps he is already… what is the term? Tipsy?"

"Already!" Gaius cried as he took the bottle. He sipped it again, "Well shit, we better get him good and drunk then."

Laurent blinked, "I thought that was the opposite of what one was supposed to do when a friend has consumed a bit too much intoxicating liquids."

"Kid, we are having a good time." Gaius drawled, "And besides, Donnel's too innocent for his own good. He needs to get drunk."

"That innocence went out the window when he agreed to tag along with us." Robin chuckled, "Ben and I can vouch for that."

Ben arched an eyebrow but said nothing. While he did enjoy this moment of peace and friendship, he still found his gaze wandering to the cliffs above them.

This was near the spot where Emmeryn was taken. Just a little ways up the road was where Kage attacked. Where he fooled Gaius and Panne and nearly led them both to their deaths. This pass was where the Pegasus Knight, led by Commander Phila, met their end. Where Maul unleashed his power and devastated the Ylissean soldiers meant to protect Exalt Emmeryn.

Ben let his eyes fall to his lap, even as he was handed the bottle again. He took a long gulp this time.

This road was where he failed Emmeryn. He did not know it at the time, but this road was where Maul claimed victory over him once again. Just like that other-

"I um-" Ben rubbed his eyes, "I'm going to go to bed."

Gaius gave Ben a concerned look, "You alright Benny?"

Benny waved off his concern, "I'll be fine. I'm just… more weary from the march than I thought." He moved towards one of the tents and dissapeared inside.

Robin's eyes followed him. A worried expression filled his face. He exhaled and plucked the bottle of firewine from Tharja. The dark mage then excused herself and went towards the tent Ben disappeared into.

Gaius whistled once she entered the tent.

"I was right!" The thief smirked.

Robin shook his head, "No. You are not."

Gaius arched an eyebrow, "What do you mean?" He held the bottle over to Panne, "Want some, Whiskers?"

The Taguel shook her head and lay back on ground near the fire. Still basking in the warmth the crackling flames provided.

"Tharja is," Robin sighed, "helping Ben through some things. Shocking, I know. But somehow she's able to get through to him."

Gaius's mouth hung open, "You mean, he's actually talking to her?"

Robin nodded. Meanwhile, both Donnel and Laurent appeared puzzled.

"I don't get it." Donnel muttered as he took another sip, "Ben seems plenty talkative to me."

"He certainly isn't a recluse." Laurent nodded in agreement.

"He was when I first met him." Robin replied, "Refused to talk to anyone about anything save the mission at hand. It has taken a lot of poking and prodding in order to get him to warm up as much as he has. That and-" Robin pursed his lips, "A lot of heartache. For all of us."

"I'm guessing ya mean the war?" Donnel asked, "It never reached us back at the village. But I heard it was bad."

Robin nodded while Gaius's smile faded a little.

"It was." Robin leaned back in his seat, "One of the first battles I participated in happened on this pass." Robin's gaze lowered. He stared at the fire for a few, silent moments, "This was also where the Plegians captured Exalt Emmeryn."

Laurent hummed to himself, "I had heard about her capture. But I did not know it occurred here, at Breakneck Pass."

Gaius pressed his lips into a thin line, "That reminds me." He took a long sip of firewine, "Why do they call this place, Breakneck Pass?"

Robin shrugged, "You better not be asking me. I've got barely eight or nine months worth of memories at the moment."

"Specs? Got anything?" Gaius asked Laurent.

"Perhaps. It is merely a legend that I know of."

"Well go on, spill it already." Gaius rested back against his travel pack, "I could use a good story. It'll get that depressed aura from the war outta here."

"Well, it is not a very long story." Laurent remarked.

"Doesn't matter. Is it funny?"

"More ironic."

"Then it will work." Gaius nodded, "Go on now. Tell us already."

"I'm curious about why it's called Breakneck Pass too." Robin said as he leaned close to the fire.

Laurent cleared his throat, "Well, if my memory serves me correctly, this pass was once in the domain of a certain bandit by the name of Rowan Strongneck."

Gaius snorted, "Strongneck?"

"Indeed. You must hear how he obtained such a title. You see, Rowan did not wear armor around his neck into battle. No leather, no chainmail, nothing. He had taken many blows to that vulnerable section of the body as a result. But none of them ever managed to kill him. A hammer, an axe, a blade; all drew blood, but never slew him."

"Must've been one big neck." Donnel remarked.

"That was another title of his yes." Laurent said, "But he liked Strongneck. It is much more intimidating."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "If you say so."

"Anyways," Laurent continued, "One day, after a successful raid in which his neck was wounded, but not severely so, he became very hungry. Along the cliffs of this pass and in the canyon below, a strange tree grows from the rocks. It bears a very sweet fruit that provides the consumer with a lot of energy. He found one tree and tried to scale the sheer cliffs in order to reach it."

"I have a feeling I know where this is going." Robin said with a small laugh.

"Strongneck managed to reach the fruit. But the tree would not surrender its seed so easily. He tugged with all of his might and eventually managed to pull the fruit from the tree's grasp. But at the cost of his own stability on the cliff face. He plummeted back down the cliff and snapped his neck against a rock. The irony behind that is no man was able to break his neck, but a tree managed to do it in one try." Laurent closed his tome, "It is also a cautionary tale."

"The lesson being: don't climb up cliffs?" Gaius asked.

"No. Cliff climbing is rather entertaining actually." Laurent replied, "It is a cautionary tale against letting your desires consume you. He desired to satisfy his sweet tooth. And as a result, he put himself in a dangerous situation and died as a result."

Gaius narrowed his eyes at the Scholar.

"Why do I feel like this story is directed at me personally?"

"It is not." Laurent adjusted his spectacles, "But the similarities regarding Strongneck's appetite and your own are quite coincidental."

Gaius gave Laurent a hard stare. He took a quick swig from the firewine and tossed the bottle back over to Donnel. Who just barely managed to catch it without dropping it into the snow.

"So," Gaius began, "What exactly does this sweet fruit tree look like?"

"Gaius." Panne said. Her voice filled with warning.

"It's only a question. I'm asking purely for a culin-" He caught himself, "Scientific reason."

Laurent's eyes lit up, "You are interested in the sciences as well. Lovely! I have an entire lecture I can give you on botany, courtesy of my own mother's notes! It is most entertaining."

"No, no I just need the… fruit. Is it red or…" Gaius trailed off as Laurent began his long winded lecture. There was no stopping the scholar now. All he could do now was swipe the firewine away from a properly sauced Donnel and drink himself into a mindless stupor.

….

Tharja slipped into the tent just after Ben. When she did, she found the Jedi already cross legged on his mat. Doing his best to dive deep into meditation.

The dark mage frowned, wrapped his cloak tighter around her body, and sat down across from him. She waited for him to notice her presence. When he did, he cracked an eye open.

"I'm perfectly fine." Ben said as he closed his eyes again and took a deep, calming breath.

"You can't lie to me." Tharja frowned, "I've been in your head after all."

A long sigh left Ben's lips, "It is nothing. Just-"

"The memories associated with this place?" Tharja concluded for him.

Ben's shoulders sagged. Force, she was too perceptive. Of course she was though. He gave her access to his mind. She nearly broke into it when the pair first met back in Plegia. Tharja was the only person on this entire planet who had been able to crack him open and see the ugly details on the inside. She had seen a piece of the horrors of the Clone War. Witnessed one of his last conversations with Qui Gon. She could probably read him like a children's book.

"Do you wish to confront them?" Tharja asked him.

Ben flicked his gaze up at her. His own blue eyes stared into her dark ones. She could see fear etched into those eyes. During their last two memory walks, she had yet to witness a true failure or trauma he had experienced. His last conversation with his master, Qui Gon Jinn, had been a painful memory to relive. But it was more of a dull ache in his mind than a sudden blast of pain and horror. The memory of the Geonosian hive mind, while mildly terrifying given the creature's intentions, was more fascinating than traumatic. It gave her insight into Obi Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Master. A man whose curiosity was only outranked by his desire to save his friends.

Tharja had yet to fine tune her scrying enough to see the real scars in Obi Wan Kenobi's mind. And if he ever hoped to heal from his past, he would have to reopen those wounds and confront them in all of their horrifying glory. He knew this. Which was why he was even entertaining the option of memory walking through the horror that occurred on this mountain pass.

"Have you focused the spell enough to do that?" Ben asked.

Tharja hummed, "I believe I may have. I know I have fine tuned it enough to where we will not hit a random memory like the hive mind. Instead, we will go directly into a memory that has caused you great pain. Given the setting we are in, it is very likely we will see Emmeryn's capture when we delve into your memories."

Ben thought long and hard. She could practically see his mind working. Debating whether or not he really wished to relive it all over again. The capture of Emmeryn was one of his biggest failures since arriving on this planet and joining the Shepherds. Even after the war, Tharja could tell he still blamed himself. He still believed that if he stayed by Emmeryn's side instead of being drawn out by Kage, she would never have been captured. And perhaps he was powerful enough to save her at the time. Unfortunately, he would never know. All he could do, was learn from the mistakes he made. And confront his own trauma over the event.

She saw his head nod ever so slightly. Tharja took a deep breath and opened her spell book. The purple runes associated with the spell crawled over the books pages and leather binding. They ran over her hands, up her arms towards her head. A mist no longer poured form the pages of her spellbook. She had concentrated the spell. Focused it to attack the very trauma lying at the center of an individual. Which was a good thing. Not only could she now use this spell to help Ben, she could use it to torture enemies that way too. There was always a dark purpose to her spells. A dark mage could not call themselves a dark mage unless their spells could inflict damage.

She reached out to Ben just before her eyes closed. The swordsman reached back and grasped her hand. She felt the dark magic surge through the tent then smash into her body. In an instant, she felt weightless and breathless. Then she came crashing down hard onto a stone surface.

Which was her first clue that something had gone terribly awry. The mountain pass was a rough, dirt and gravel road. Not solid stone. Much less smooth, solid stone. She ran her hand over the floor beneath her. It felt glossy. Luxurious. Cold to the touch. The memory she accessed was not the capture of Exalt Emmeryn.

Her second clue to the error she made was Ben's sudden, panicked breathing. He sounded very afraid. She heard him scrambling on the floor beside her. And at that moment she opened her eyes.

The floor was some form of marble. Perfectly cut, perfectly placed. Not a blemish on it. The air around her felt extremely cold. Not cold like a snowstorm. It felt cold like darkness. A feeling she thought she was accustomed to. Many times, rituals back at the Grimleal temple would plunge her room into a cold darkness. Filled with all kinds of vile magic that would send chills up her spine. But this cold made her bones tremble and her breathing quicken. It felt animalistic. Unnatural. An unholy level of rage and wrath filled the room they were in.

"No." Ben breathed beside her, "No. No. Not this one."

Tharja glanced over at the Jedi. And it was the first time she had ever seen true fear on his face. His eyes were wide. Mouth gaping. Unable to express with words what he was feeling. She could see his hands trembling as he pushed himself up from the floor.

What memory had she just accessed? What event could possibly make one of the bravest Shepherds in all of Ylisse tremble where he stood.

"Your noble flaw is a weakness shared by you and your Duchess."

Tharja's blood ran cold. That was a voice she thought she would never hear again. Prayed that she would never hear again.

She turned her head to follow Kenobi's horror filled gaze. Her own eyes widened in terror. Sitting on a throne made of some sort of metallic alloy, was Maul. Not the crippled looking old monster she knew. No, this Maul was young. A physical specimen. And he radiated power.

Beside him was another monstrous being. One that looked just like Maul. But he was larger. His muscles much bulkier compared to the leaner Maul. His horns jutted out like jagged shards of rock atop his head. Unlike the simple studs that sprouted from Maul's crown. And his skin was a black and green color. Maul's was still black and crimson, like blood. If Maul had not been sitting on the throne, Tharja would have assumed the large monster to be the greater threat. But after experiencing Maul's terrifying power personally, she knew who was the real danger in this throne room.

Two strange, armored guards flanked the two monster near the throne. They wore metal armor that Tharja did not recognize. Though it looked very similar to the Clone armor she witnessed during the Hive Mind Memory. But their helmets were more archaic. Much more individualistic in design than the Clone soldiers. A jagged, rust colored symbol in the shape of a 'W' adorned their shoulders.

Standing before the throne, wearing the same armor as the soldiers flanking Maul, was Obi Wan Kenobi. He stood tall. Defiant. Appearing unafraid of Maul and his men. But deep inside, Tharja could sense fear. She could sense desperation. The memory reeked with it.

The last thing that drew Tharja's attention, and the one that her attention stayed rooted on, was the woman floating in mid air before Maul. She was a middle aged woman. In her thirties perhaps. Very similar in age to the Obi Wan Kenobi standing before the throne. Her icy blue eyes were wide with terror. Blonde hair frayed and out of place from what appeared to be a carefully manicured style at one point. Her small, pale hands were clawing at her throat as Maul hoisted her in the air using the force.

He's choking her!

"You should have chosen the Dark Side." Maul chided Obi Wan. His voice quieter than Tharja remembered. But somehow, that grain, the growl in that small, controlled voice; it was far more terrifying. "Master Jedi. Your emotions betray you. Your fear and, yes, your anger," Maul's voice crescendoed louder as he hoisted the woman in the air, "Let your anger deepen your hatred."

"Don't-" The woman gasped, "Don't listen to him… Obi."

Obi? Tharja drew back a little. Meanwhile, Ben took a few, desperate steps forward. This woman knew Ben on a much deeper level than mere companionship. They appeared to be much more than simple friends.

"You can kill me. But you will never destroy me." The defiant Jedi Master replied. "It takes strength to resist the Dark side. Only the weak embrace it."

"It is more powerful than you know." Maul sneered back.

"And those who oppose it are more powerful than you will ever be."

"Stop goading him! You damn fool!" Ben shouted at himself. He held his head in his hands and tried to avert his eyes. Tharja watched though as he kept his gaze focused solely on Maul and the woman in his grasp.

"I know where you're from. I've been to your village. I know the decision to join the dark side wasn't yours. The Night Sister's made it for-"

"Silence." Maul hissed as Ben took another dangerous step forward.

Tharja remained rooted in the spot. Unsure of what to do. Even as a memory, Maul was a terrifying beast to behold. His yellow eyes burned hot and bright with endless amounts of rage. All of it directed solely at the defiant Jedi Master before him.

"You think you know me? It was I who languished for years, thinking of nothing but you." Maul rose from his throne and began to descend the steps towards Obi Wan, "Nothing but this moment." His hostage remained suspended in the air beside the throne. Her pain filled gasps evidence of Maul's hold over her growing tighter. "And now the perfect tool for my vengeance is in front of us. I never planned on killing you. But I will make you share my pain, Kenobi."

Tharja's breath got stuck in her throat. The events that happened next went so fast.

First, Obi Wan was struck to his knees as he tried to surge forward and rescue the woman from Maul's grasp. Then Maul waved his hand. The woman flew towards him. Tharja uttered a shocked gasp as a blade made of black light erupted in Maul's grip. He impaled the woman upon it. Right as she reached for Obi Wan Kenobi. Right as she reached for escape.

"NO!" Ben cried as he dropped to his knees beside where is old self knelt.

Obi Wan Kenobi surged to his feet and raced toward the woman as she fell to the floor.

"Satine!" Obi Wan gasped as he rushed towards her. Catching her just before she touched the ground.

Tharja took careful steps forward. The Jedi Master cradled the woman as she took her last, dying gasps. And through the pain she felt, Tharja heard the woman utter her last words.

"I loved you… always. I… always… will."

Tharja saw the woman raise her hand to Obi Wan's cheek. Then it fell. Her last breath left her body.

The dark mage seethed with rage. Maul, no wonder Obi Wan feared him so much during the war. That monster already tried to destroy him once before. Her dark eyes flicked up to the monster as he took his seat on the throne. To her shock, Maul did not appear to revel in his victory. He stared on stone faced. Emotionless as Obi Wan cradled the woman's body in his arms. The only thing she could see in those burning eyes, was hatred. Hatred and… disappointment.

"Do we kill him now, brother?" The bigger, greener monster asked Maul.

"No." Maul snarled, "Imprison him below. Let him drown in his misery. Take him to his cell to rot."

Ben stayed rooted in place as his old self was dragged away to whatever dungeon Maul sentenced him to. Only then did Tharja see a pleased smile on Maul's face. There was no resistance from Obi Wan Kenobi. No defiant declaration of hatred for Maul. No oath of revenge. Just defeat.

Exactly how it had been when Maul slew Emmeryn. Tharja felt like she was going to choke. History had repeated itself. Maul made sure of that.

Ben's shoulders shook as he knelt in front of Satine's body. Tharja could hear small sobs wracking his lungs. She finally reached him and placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

The memory faded away.

….

Ben gasped for air as Tharja broke the spell over both of them. The runes retreated back into her spellbook. His eyes shot around the tent. Where was he? Where was Maul? Satine? He had to save Satine!

"Ben." Tharja's quiet voice hit his ears like a sledgehammer. Dragging him back to reality.

He swallowed hard and stared back at the dark mage. She sat silent across from him. And for the first time, he saw worry on her face. Not worry over her spell not working properly. Even failing to conjured the right memory. She was worried for him.

Ben clenched his jaw, rose, and stepped past her out of the tent.

"Ben!" Tharja called after him.

He surged out of the tent and stormed off into the snow. The wind had picked up since they entered the memory. The snow storm had grown in intensity. So much so that every few minutes, Laurent and Robin had to cast a fire spell to keep their meager fire roaring at the center of camp.

Tharja's companions all turned to see what the commotion was all about. Gaius got to his feet as he watched Ben stomp off into the darkness along the mountain pass.

"Benny!" Gaius called. He set the bottle of fire wine down and took a step forward, "Where is he-"

Panne gripped his wrist and dragged him back down to the ground.

"You are too drunk to wander off."

"Tharja?"

Robin looked at the dark mage. His own anxiety surged when he saw the look on her face. Tharja was normally pretty impassive. A dark snicker her or there. Maybe a snide comment or two. A threat every so often. She never showed worry for another human being. But he saw worry drawn all over her pale, frozen face.

"Tharja what happened?"

The dark mage just shook her head and stared off at Ben. Just as she was about to stride after him, Robin got up and stopped her.

"Let me." Robin said, "You're freezing. Stay close to the fire."

"I-" Tharja swallowed hard, "I messed up. He's going to be-"

"I'll take care of it." Robin replied, his voice calm and reassuring, "Go sit with the others. Help Panne make sure Gaius and Donnel don't wander off." He gestured over at the worried, drunk thief and the completely hammered farm boy.

"Robin-"

"Go." Robin said softly.

Tharja's shoulders sagged and she relented. She nodded and Robin went racing after Ben.

"Ben!" Robin shouted through the howling wind and blinding snow, "Ben!"

He shielded his face from the snow. It came down in great sheets. Snowflakes clung to his eyelids. He tried to blink them out of his face. But every time he did, more snow slammed into him. Nearly blinding the tactician once again.

He trudged onward through the snow. Robin bit back a curse as he almost slipped. Just how far could he have gotten?

He glanced back up at the pass. There, just a few feet away, was a silhouette. Robin surged through the snow and reached it.

It was Ben. He stood at the edge of the cliff. Eyes staring out through the storm. A never blinking stare across the canyon in front of him. Robin slowed as he drew up alongside his friend.

He stood alongside him and stayed silent. At least he was safe. Right now, Robin had a feeling words would not help Ben. He would speak when he wanted to. Robin would be there to help him when he did.

A few more moments passed. Ben took a deep breath.

"It wasn't the right memory." He said, his voice a whisper on the howling wind.

Robin nodded, "I got that impression."

A trembling breath left Ben's lungs, "I-I saw something I was not ready to see again."

Robin took a deep breath, "That bad?"

Ben gave him a shaky nod. His gaze still did not move from the canyon in front of them. He was silent for another moment.

"I envy you, Robin." Ben breathed.

Robin arched an eyebrow, puzzled.

"You don't have to worry about your past." Ben began, "You are not weighed down by failures you may have committed. You are not plagued by ghosts that will never cease to haunt you." Ben swallowed hard, "You never have to experience the horror of bad memories."

Robin pursed his lips. He took a deep breath. A shiver ran over him as the frozen air rushed through his lungs.

"I don't see it that way." Robin replied.

Ben's eyes flicked over at Robin. The tactician folded his arms into the sleeve of his coat. Doing everything in his power to shield himself from the cold.

"Ben, I envy you." Robin continued, stunning the swordsman, "I envy you because you have memories. Both good, bad, and whatever the in between is. Do you want to know why?"

Ben did not say anything in return.

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyways." Robin breathed, "Because you can learn from all of them. Especially the bad memories." Ben glanced over at the tactician as the brown haired man shivered in the snow storm, "Those bad memories, they may contain unknowable horrors. Naga knows I cannot begin to imagine what you have seen or experienced. But even those memories, the ones you never want to relive, they all hold value. They all hold a lesson to them. And sure, they hurt. They're painful. But they are there, and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can't erase them. So embrace them." Robin shifted his feet, trying to get his legs to warm back up, "Learn everything you can from them. Don't let them sit there in your mind just to torture you. Make those painful memories your greatest strength. Because no one else can experience them. No one else can learn what you can." Robin snorted, "I'm supposed to be the Shepherd's tactician. But every time we went into battle, ninety-nine percent of the time, I was creating our strategy on the fly. I did not know what to expect from my enemy. I just did whatever felt right based on instinct. Or whatever I read from the night before. I wish that I had memories to draw upon. Wish I could gaze upon a vast wealth of experience and use the lessons from it to better myself and my strategies." Robin stared hard at Ben, "Don't envy me Ben. You give up your greatest advantage over me if you do."

Ben stared almost slack jawed at Robin. He did not know what to say to that. Embrace the bad memories? Learn from the horrors? Could he? Could he stand in the face of all the pain and misery once again? He was not certain.

The tactician stomped his feet in the knee deep snow. His toes were starting to go numb.

"Now," Robin huffed, "Can we go back to the camp already. Before my toes get frostbitten?"

Ben gave the tactician a weak smile. Despite his own uncertainty, Robin's pep talk managed to jostle him out of his own fear. At least for the moment. He nodded and Robin let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Thank Naga! I'm so cold!" He stomped through the snow back towards the camp with Ben in tow, "We should have gone to the Longfort! By now we would be sitting in a nice, warm barracks. Wool blankets. Hot food. A roaring fire and some Feroxi beef!" He smacked the side of his head, "I need to stop before I turn tail and start marching the wrong way."

A small laugh left Ben's lungs.

"You're starting to sound like Gaius." Ben muttered.

"He may have a sliver of a point!" Robin retorted with a laugh.

The duo reached camp within a few minutes. As soon as they appeared through the haze of snow and wind, Gaius jumped to his feet.

"Benny!" He smiled, "Bubbles! Are you ok?"

"Sit down, Gaius." Panne tugged him back down to the ground, "Before you hurt yourself."

"Welcome back *hic* guysh." Donnel droned as he lay back against his pack.

Gaius laughed as Ben and Robin retook their seats, "Farm boy is already sloshed!"

"It'sh *hic* you're fault." Donnel hiccuped.

"I'll make some greasy food in the morning." Laurent reassured the others, "That will help put some energy back into their bodies. And lessen the hangover."

"Whatsh a hangover?" Donnel asked.

"Only the best thing on the face of Archanea!" Gaius cheered.

"Really?" Donnel asked, excited.

"Hell no!" Gaius laughed uncontrollably, "Get ready for the pain, buddy." He tossed the firewine over to Robin. The tactician plucked the half empty bottle from the air, "So, Benny, how are you feeling?"

Ben sighed, "I will be better in the morning." He glanced over at Tharja. The Dark Mage took a deep breath but said nothing to him.

"I won't." Gaius smirked, "So, might as well stay awake a little longer. Keep the pain away for as long as possible eh? What do you say Ben? Tell us a story!"

"Oh a shtory!" Donnel cheered.

"Gaius has been talking non-stop about his first heist." Panne sighed, "Please change the subject before he restarts the story for you, Ben."

"Oh yeah! My first heist!" Gaius smiled, "You know, I still don't know where that ruby went. I buried it somewhere but I can't remember where."

"You didn't bother to draw a map?" Robin asked as he sipped the firewine then passed it over to Tharja, who took an enormous gulp from the bottle.

"Maps are how other people find it, Bubbles. Can't let the competitors find the stash." Gaius tapped the side of his head, "Had it all memorized after I buried it." A long sigh left his lips, "Then I got wicked drunk almost immediately afterwards and forgot everything leading up to when I buried it. So now, I have no idea where it's at. A shame too. It was one heck of a score."

Ben shook his head, "I have no stories to tell."

"I call bullshit! With a capital 'B'." Gaius replied, "C'mon! Regale us with tales of you as a monk back in Valm."

"Ben wash a monk?" Donnel asked deliriously.

"A monk? With what order?" Laurent asked, "Perhaps you possess some scientific knowledge I am unaware of?"

If only you knew. Ben thought to himself before shaking his head, "A monk's life is not very exciting."

"Again, I say you're wrong!" Gaius chirped, "No one can be that amazing at stuff without having some wild adventures. Or alternatively, you could tell us a love story. Seeing as you are the dashing rogue type. Much like yours truly."

Panne rolled her eyes while Donnel snickered. Ben let out a long sigh. Before he could tell Gaius no, Tharja spoke up.

"Tell us about Satine."

Ben froze. His gaze became distant. A blank stare into the crackling fire. Robin glared across the fire at Tharja. But the dark mage paid him no mind. She turned her head to look at Ben.

"Who's Satine?" Gaius asked. His voice did not sound teasing. He could tell Ben was having a hard time with something. Though he was not sure what.

Ben swallowed hard. He hung his head for a moment and took a breath. Tharja closed her eyes beside him. She had a feeling he would not say anything. Perhaps it was time for all of them to just go to sleep.

"What can I tell you about Satine Kryze?" Ben began, shocking Tharja. The swordsman snorted, "She was perhaps the most stubborn, willful, woman I ever met." He glanced over at Tharja, "And also one of the bravest."

….

Ben lay still on his mat in the tent he shared with Tharja. The dark mage had given up on trying to get Robin to share her tent weeks ago. She was still cold and distant when it was time to go to sleep. But she did not give off a threatening aura anymore. Apparently, the dark mage had grown used to Ben's presence in the tent.

He stared up at the ceiling. The wind still howled outside. But the thick material the tent was made of shielded the pair well enough. Tharja kept Ben's cloak wrapped tight around her shivering form. And Ben made sure to keep the Force on call for when the cold became too much for him.

He wanted to sleep. His head felt heavy. His eyelids were even heavier. But he was unable to drift off. The memory he relived still echoed through his mind. And every time it did, his heart ached a little more. He shifted onto his side, facing away from Tharja.

Satine… it took everything in him to even talk about her. She was his first love. The one that almost made him leave the Jedi Order. The one Maul butchered. Nearly destroying him in the process.

Ben did not tell the others everything about her. She was a duchess from Valm to the other shepherds. A regal woman from a nation that no longer existed. Destroyed by Maul and his vengeful ways. Very similar to Emmeryn. Perhaps a bit more fiery. Especially in her youth.

A small smile crossed Ben's lips. They used to hate each other. Funny how danger and desperation can make a person's distaste for another fade away.

"When are you going to tell them?"

Ben craned his head back to look at Tharja. The dark mage remained curled up on her side of the tent. Facing away from him as she shivered in the night.

"They don't need to know."

Tharja stopped shivering. She glanced over her shoulder at him.

"How do you know that?"

Ben sighed, "It-" He let took a deep breath, "It is best for everyone if they remain ignorant of who I really am."

"Why?"

Ben pursed his lips. Why? Well… honestly he was beginning to have a hard time justifying the need for secrecy. The Shepherds; Robin and his wise yet plain spoken words, Gaius and his shenanigans, Panne and her loyalty, Tharja and her surprising kindness; they were more than his comrades now. They were his friends. A bond had formed between the four of them. An imperceptible one that the other shepherds probably would never notice or share. How long could he keep them in the dark? And should he?

"Get some rest." He replied, "We have to march fast tomorrow. Before another storm hits us."

Tharja did not press the issue anymore. Perhaps her own weariness got the better of her. Causing her to desire sleep more than answers at the moment. Whatever it was, Ben was not grateful for it. For some reason, he wanted her to give him a reason to finally speak up.

Instead, he heard soft snores.

And chapter! This was an extremely fun chapter to write. No intense action. No crazy shenanigans. Just a quiet moment for all of them to just talk. Interact and be the lovable characters we all adore. The mask continues to fall away for Ben each time he goes through memories with Tharja. It is only a matter of time before she reaches one of the harshest memories for him. The one where she will encounter Vader for the first time. Writing those two together is just so interesting!

Also, we are officially fifty chapters into this thing! HOLY CRAP! That is insane to me! I love writing this story and all you guys reading make it an even greater joy to do! I can't wait to keep this one going!

Anyways, let me know what you all think of this chapter! As always, I hope you all enjoyed! Have a nice day!