The full story referenced in this chapter regarding Edward's first car after being turned is from the amazing Jessica314.
Chapter 5: Tough Work
Since Bella wasn't home when I arrived, it was a good opportunity to speak to Edward privately.
Taking Edward enough of a distance from the house to have a private conversation, I reminded him, "Above all else I expect you to remain a gentleman. You will not raise your voice to her; you will not insult her; you will keep your physical distance from her; and you will accuse her of nothing."
In a sad voice he asked me, "Do you think so little of me?"
Putting both of my hands on the side of his head I told him in utter truthfulness, "If it were any issue and any person other than Bella, without a doubt. But when it comes to anything related to her, you have proven yourself over and over again to lose your cool and act impulsively. When it comes to her your emotions overwhelm you, and you do and say hurtful things. This is a normal part of growing into yourself as a partner for and to someone else. However, this process of restoring you and Bella's relationship is presently fragile and if you stand any chance of becoming friends again, you must remain the gentleman. Always. And if you have no other options, then at a last resort run away. Better to hurt a tree or kill an animal than to wound Bella once more."
Nodding and grieved he sputtered as if the word was caught in his might and throat, "Friends?"
"Friendship is the step before courtship," I told him curtly.
"Yes, ma'am," he agreed, looking contrite.
"Good," I agreed and repeated my expectations mentally while I turned and walked back to the house.
A few hours later Bella came home, and as soon as she saw me she blushed and became bashful.
"Food is in the oven, if you're hungry, Bella," I informed her, my tone slightly louder than usual to ensure she heard me, as I was sitting at the far end of the living room.
She nodded her head in acknowledgement.
The kids, apart from Edward, of course, slipped out of the house in pairs and were gone by the time Bella came into the living room with her food.
I had arranged the room so that we each sat in a separate chair forming a triangle. I had angled their chairs so that they were mostly facing me, but could see each other if they positioned their bodies in that manner.
Looking at them both, I started by saying, "You have both agreed to come together with me to work on your friendship. You've both agreed to be honest with each other. I told Edward that if he gets upset in any way he is to leave, so that he doesn't even accidently cause you any harm." After looking at them both and waiting I got a nod from them, I continued, "Also, this space is like a container. What we say here stays within this space and is not to be spoken about during the week, unless it is agreed upon by all of us." Once more I waited until they both nodded in agreement. "We're going to start by you both describing what each of you desire out of having a friendship with the other."
Relax Edward; you look like a wall waiting to be blasted by cannons.
His posture and facial features softened slightly, but the mask he wore when he was trying to protect his heart was still front and centre.
Inwardly sighing, I then spoke, "Who would like to go first?"
Many long awkward minutes passed before Edward spoke. When he did it was like he was unable to hold the words inside anymore, "Honestly, imagining a friendship with you Bella is almost impossible for me. I know my poor choices and despicable words broke your trust in me, and I'm fortunate that you are even willing to have a friendship with me."
Edward I warned, but he continued as if he hadn't heard me, "But if I'm honest, I miss what we had."
Enough! I demanded of him loudly and he stopped speaking, even though it looked like he had a lot more he wanted to say. This is not the time for that. You are jumping to step 10 when we're at step 1.
His face fell slightly, and then he moved his eyes a minuscule to acknowledge me.
Her face twisted in rage and like a kettle the words poured out. "And what is it that we had? Nothing more than distractions by your own admission."
At this Edward winced.
"If you weren't trying to stay away from me, convince me that you were no good for me, running from nomads, recovering from my injuries, then you hid me away from everyone else. You didn't respect me, value my opinions, or treat me like an equal. We had a PG romantic relationship with a lot of possessiveness." Her steam was running out and she looked down at her hands. "You kept me at arms length in so many ways, and then dictating my life in other ways, all the while claiming your behaviour was love. For the sake of the family I would like for us to become at least friendly, but what we had wasn't good for me and I don't want it in my future." At the last words she was barely whispering.
During her speech, each time Edward looked like he was going to say something I would mentally chastise him and remind him that listening was a part of the process of creating a relationship. By the end of her words Edward appeared ashamed and crestfallen, which was better, in my opinion, than defensive and haughty.
After a few long minutes I spoke, "I appreciate you each speaking your truth as had been agreed. What seems the most apparent in this moment is how disparate the two of you are in your desired outcome. Despite these differences, it seems like you both would like to take steps towards getting along better." Taking in a purposeful breath to allow my words to sink in, I turned to Bella. "What is one thing you enjoyed when you spent time with Edward previously?"
She seemed to be seriously pondering this before she uttered softly, "Listening to him play the piano." She paused, but appeared like she wanted to say more.
"Go ahead," I encouraged her.
"Well," she started and then stopped.
I nodded for her to continue.
"I know everyone's stories but Edward's," she admitted her cheeks pinkening.
Turning to Edward, I asked him, "What are your thoughts about playing the piano when Bella is around?"
"Not my lullaby though," she blurted out and then mumbled an apology to me.
Smiling at her to let her know how proud I was for her speaking her needs, with a serious gaze added, "except for any pieces you wrote for Bella?"
He looked down at the floor. "Yes, I could do that."
"And how about telling Bella your history?" I asked.
He stilled and looked uncomfortable. "I did," he mumbled.
Confused, I turned to Bella. "Could you say more about what you're hoping for, since Edward believes that he told it to you already?"
Her blush deepened, and she looked nervous. "He told it to me in about five minutes with a few funny stories, but not like everyone else."
I turned to Edward, "We recounted the events of when you were not here. Do you see a difference in what you told Bella and the stories we have told her?"
He seemed to be reviewing his memory and then agreed, "Yes, your stories were more detailed."
Smiling encouragingly, I agreed and added, "We also haven't stopped telling Bella stories. We have shown her pictures of different decades, told her not just funny stories, but sad ones too. We've told her a few about slipups and having to move in the middle of the night. We've told her stories about having to lie when a friend asks if we have seen her son or daughter or husband or wife. We've told her stories about the monotony of time and the struggle to have new challenges. We've explained the role each of us usually have in moving and how we function as a unit to support each other."
He sighed and his shoulders slumped.
"What is your hesitation?" I asked while adding mentally, Only brutal honesty is going to help the healing.
He looked at Bella and then at me clearly uncomfortable. Luckily Bella appeared to intuit that he needed time to find the courage to speak, so we sat waiting.
After more than a ten minute wait he said softly, "I was afraid."
Keep going, I nudged him.
"I was afraid that if Bella heard those things, then she'd see the truth," he admitted hesitantly, unable to make eye contact.
After many minutes and him saying nothing more I prodded, "And what truth would that be?"
Sighing in defeat he uttered lowly, "That I am not worthy to be her friend."
Bella looked sad and shook her head.
It seemed like she wanted to say something to refute his belief, so I stepped in. "Bella cannot be responsible for your feelings and beliefs. Your sense of unworthiness is yours alone. However, clearly, that is not Bella's belief, because even with some of Jasper's, no doubt mild, stories of being in Maria's army, she has responded in nothing else but empathetic compassion. This is your work." Then turning to Bella, I added, "And yours is to not take ownership of what is his work." Pausing to wait for her acknowledgement of my words, when her eyes met mine, I asked, "The question you must ask yourself at this venture, Bella, is what actions or inactions you might have done to contribute to Edward's beliefs?"
Edward looked like he was going to say something, so I looked at him crossly and told him, This is her work.
It took a while of thinking and then looking at her hands she softly admitted, "I was so wrapped up in my gratefulness of his company that I didn't really ask. I hinted and pouted, but never came straight out and mentioned what I wanted."
Smiling sadly while Edward frowned, I reminded her, "I'm glad you can see that quality in yourself, Bella. We cannot expect to receive what we do not ask for."
"Yes, Esme," she replied automatically.
Edward's features turned into bewilderment looking back and forth between the two of us.
Turning to Edward, I requested, "Please summarise what your take-aways are at this moment."
His mouth opened, but no sound exited. He blinked a few times. Then, with great reluctance and a tone like the future of the world depended on it, he offered, "Bella wants to hear about my past, but didn't ask directly. I understood her message, even if it wasn't direct, and chose to edit what I told her, thereby limiting her ability to be my friend." Even as he said the words, though, there was a great hesitation, as if the words put together in this particular way did not make sense.
Letting his confusion slide, I asked, "Anything to add, Bella?"
She pondered a few moments and then added a soft, "No."
"So, your homework this week is to tell each other at least one story from your past. Bella, you are to ask Edward at least one direct question and Edward, you are to answer that question without editing, even a little," I informed them. Looking at them both, I asked, "Any objections."
Bella shook her head while Edward uttered, "No, ma'am."
Standing I went and hugged Bella while whispering in her ear, "I'm proud of you." Then, I went in front of Edward and placed my hands on his cheeks. It is hard to change, especially given our natures, but if Rose can for Emmett, you can for Bella.
He nodded in the affirmative with a little fire in his eyes, no doubt for my comparison between him and Rose.
Over the weekend I lingered in the house spending time with everyone else.
Alice, with Jasper by her side, told me of what her research had discovered thus far. It was a blessing to see them so equally invested in a project. It was an amazing combination of Alice's artistic capacity and Jasper's ability for strategising and logistics.
Emmett, Rosalie, and I went on a run together with Emmett hunting something.
"How are things?" I asked them.
"Bella's good," Emmett answered after some minutes of silence, "and we're keeping Edward in line."
"Glad to hear it," I responded. "How are the two of you doing?"
Rose looked up into the treetops her head in Emmett's lap, and softly answered, "Your project has forced me to take a hard look at myself. It has ended in some tough conversation between Em and me, but we're better for it."
Tilting my head slightly to show my confusion, I said nothing, allowing them to share what they wanted.
"I never really considered how much Em being changed impacted him, apart from the human to vampire part," Rosalie admitted. "I didn't really think through how he had been a main provider for his family, and then had no job in our family." She paused and looked over at him. "He just rolled with it, and for that I'm so grateful, but my inability to see what he was going through was unkind. We've been talking about those years, and what he was going through, what I went through, and how it formed the foundations of our relationship. There are good, solid things there that we're keeping, but we've begun to rethink some other parts."
After an extended silence I commented, "Sounds like tough, good work."
Emmett looked down at Rosalie, as he ran his fingers through her hair, then up at me, "I'm a grown man, Esme."
"You are," I agreed, "and were when you were changed."
He nodded in agreement. "I found myself a place in the family dynamics and with Rose. I'm grateful for both and wouldn't change either for the world. Simultaneously, I'm ready to feel more like the kind of man I was as a human. Not all of it, of course, as I've grown out of some of my foolishness, but in how others depended on me. I don't know what that means yet, given being a rich vampire and no longer a poor Appalachian Tennessee boy of the depression era, but Rose and I are talking about it."
"I'm glad," I told them both, "that you're having these conversations." Then, after a brief pause, asked, "Is there any manner in which Carlisle or I inhibited you?"
He looked down at Rosalie and then told me, "I went into the role requested of me, as I perceived it. If you inhibited me, it was indirectly."
"Well, no more," I promised. "Just let us know how we can support you."
"Yes, Mom," he answered with a smile.
"And everything else?" I wondered.
"Worse than I expected," Rosalie answered with a groan.
We chuckled and she complained a little, but it was far less than she would have in the past.
Blessedly, Bella spent more time in the house than had been reported before her visit with Charlie. We cooked together and chatted like we had in those last weeks before college started. Carlisle joined me each night in between his shifts, but made his presence invisible to Bella, mostly because of the few hours Carlisle was there and the hours Bella kept. The first evening Carlisle had a conversation with Edward, which undoubtedly he would tell me about later. Monday morning after Bella left for work, I went to Forks for the rest of the week.
Once more upon my arrival it was just the three of us in the house, no doubt thanks to Alice.
Looking at Bella, I asked gently, "How did the week go?"
"Good," she answered bashfully.
"Did you keep your end of the agreement?" I questioned.
"Yes," she replied.
Her tone of voice told me that she was proud of herself, which meant it was a struggle for her, but she did it anyway.
Turning to Edward, I asked him, "How did you think the week went?"
"Well," he answered, but his tone sounded disappointed.
Raising an eyebrow, I encouraged him Be honest, whatever it is.
His refined stiff countenance changed and he looked very much like a lost little boy. The few times I had seen him like this in the past my instinct had been to consol him, but that choice hadn't assisted him in learning to grow up. This time instead I simply sat and told him Whatever it is, it will not change how much I love you.
Bella looked like she wanted to comfort him, but was holding herself in place. It was something to address with her in private.
Frowning even more, he stated, "I did not like answering her questions."
Bella looked taken aback, but I kept my gaze on Edward and asked, "How come?"
After a tense wait he stated, "It made me uneasy."
"Being honest made you uneasy?" I questioned, even though that didn't seem like him.
He looked up at me slightly confused and irritated like what I had said insulted his honour. "Even from the beginning I have hated to lie to Bella. The only lies I ever told her were when we left. So, no being honest did not make me uneasy."
Holding my smile, I pressed, "Being fully transparent caused you to feel uneasy?"
"Yes," he admitted in a mixer of disgruntlement and haughty defense, causing me to wonder if he would have ever let the words slip past his lips if I he hadn't had a sense of me insulting him first.
There is nothing wrong with being afraid, I reminded him.
With disgruntled agitation in his tone he clipped, "I am not afraid."
Bella went from appearing unsure and uneasy to completely confused.
Believing addressing her reaction was critical to her understanding Edward as a vampire, I turned myself to her direction and explained, "We vampires are predators. Everything around us can sense it and desires to flee, even humans, apart from you."
She smiled at our joke and nodded that she was following.
"It is hard for us as vampires to realise that even if we are apex predators that we still have things to be afraid of. There are other vampires, which could best us in a fight. There are shapeshifters and werewolves. So, even if there are fewer things that can harm us than when we were human, there still are a few."
"Like newborn armies?" she said with a hint of a smile on her lips.
"Precisely," I agreed, smiling back.
Edward frowned.
"There is however another thing that we vampires are afraid of, and it is what makes us the most human. We are afraid to be vulnerable. We are afraid of betrayal. The messy parts of relationships which humans fear, we do also." My eyes caught Edward's and I hoped he was hearing me. "I was mentally assuring Edward that there is nothing wrong with his trepidation, and he disagreed that he was fearful." Moving my body at a slow human pace, I turned in his direction, "What is most unsettling to you about being transparent?"
I expected that he would refute me once more.
Instead, he spoke very softly after many long minutes, "She could reject me."
This was a marked sign of his maturing, but I said nothing and kept my focus on Bella, so as to not give away my thoughts to him.
Looking at Bella, it was clear that she hadn't heard his answer. Nevertheless, I asked her, "Were you afraid that if we got to know you, that we would reject you?"
Startled at my questions she blurted out, "Yes."
"Has your fear subsided?" I questioned.
"Yes," she answered with a smile.
"What changed?" I wondered.
She paused clearly thinking before she told me, "Many things, really, but the biggest part was opening up. At first I was hiding myself trying to be what I thought you wanted. But over time each person told me his or her story and I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't. Also, Carlisle, you, and Jasper confronted me about my attitude and had frank difficult discussions about past events. What I learned was that you weren't a flake like my Mom and Carlisle isn't distant like my Dad. It took time, but I eventually came to the conclusion that I was wanted in your life simply because my company was appreciated and enjoyed. It was odd at first, and I had a lot of doubts, but not so much anymore."
"Still a little?" I checked.
She looked slightly embarrassed when she answered, "Well, you still have the capacity to up and leave without notice. I have neither the physical, logistical, or monetary capacity to follow unless you let me."
Smiling proudly at her, I supported her conclusions, "You have only our word, and although we've worked hard at mending the broken trust our leaving created, it makes perfect sense that you're still struggling some to completely trust us. It sounds wise to me that you're a little hesitant. Yet, you aren't terrified like you were."
"No, I'm not," she agreed with a big smile.
Turning towards Edward, I caught his eyes and told him, "I think you and Bella are alike in many ways. Both of you are scared to be your true self, afraid that others will not like the authentic you. You both hide behind masks of what you think other people want to see. To have a deep friendship you have to be willing to put down the mask." Taking in a deep breath to calm myself, I admitted to them both, "Edward has always stood a little outside of the family. He is very close with Carlisle, I suspect because for a time it was just the two of them and Carlisle knew Edward as a human. Edward tries to be respectful of our thoughts, along with putting his wishes and even self to the side for every other member of the family. I thought it was because he was the only single person in the house or due to his gift, but the events of last year allowed me to see that it was more a result of his desire to make others happy. After so many years of acting in this way, it's not surprising that he suddenly was acting in the other extreme." Looking back and forth between them both, I added, "But true friendship requires both asking for what you need and being authentic to the other."
Both of them looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them.
Realising that they had reached their limits, I told them, "We're going to go two weeks before we come together again. I want you both to think about what I said. There's a difference between being humble, caring for others, and throwing yourself on your sword. You each have a tendency to be willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's. So, for the next two weeks you are to ask each other one thing you'd like to know while also considering how your actions of self-sacrificing might have hurt the other."
Both of their jaws dropped open and they looked very uncomfortable.
"Anything else till next time?" I asked.
They both shook their heads no, clearly wanting to run away.
"Okay," I agreed. "I'm going to head to Forks. See you in two weeks."
While driving away I texted the rest of the kids letting them know that the house was theirs for the fortnight.
The drive did me some good, mostly allowing me to think through things, and gaining a clearer view of them as individuals as well as a couple. It was hard to see how they would be able to get back into a friendship with as much tension and distance as there was between them, not to mention that it wasn't my job to be matchmaker, as much as I might want to be.
When Carlisle got home from his shift we hunted and enjoyed each other's company.
"How did your conversation with Edward go?" I asked as he held me.
He sighed. "He seemed agreeable, but given his past behaviour and choices, especially lying to Bella and twisting the truth in our meeting to meet his agenda, I can't say. It's very hard to not be able to trust him implicitly. He can read my thoughts, and I believed that I had a good handle on the kind of man he was. It gave me an image of the kind of relationship we shared, but the truth is that he's a liar and a coward. Sure, he's self-sacrificing and thoughtful of others, but when the chips were down and he had everything to lose, he fled. And the truth of the matter is that I didn't see it, because it had also been the choice I had made. As much as I am struggling to understand who I am as a man, husband, and family leader, it is hundred-fold in relation to Edward." He kissed my forehead. "We've made a good life for ourselves and I'm glad for it, but I owe you a debt I cannot pay."
I went to contradict him, but he interrupted, "Sure, I put my heart on the line when you were a newborn, but how much was that because I believed it was necessary in order to assist you in your adjustment to this new life. I did it in part because I believed that it was owed to you. It assuaged my guilt." He sighed.
"You did your best," I reminded him.
He nodded. "I did."
"You cannot judge your past based on your present knowledge," I reminded him.
"Even though that is true," he allowed, "my weaknesses were taught to my first fledgling, thereby offering him the wrong way to be a man. My choices were harmful to another creature, even though I believed them noble at the time."
"You would have needed to kill me or change me," I contradicted him remembering his struggles from my vision.
"The truth of my feelings is not the same as the truth of my nature. No, Esme, I could have been honest with myself and then perhaps honest with you. Instead, I was neither and it was only by God's grace that I didn't lose you entirely and spend the rest of my existence without you."
Unsure of how to support him I asked, "I'm struggling to agree with you Carlisle and see things as you are describing."
He frowned at my words. A while passed before sound exited his mouth. "Generally, we menfolk are strong physically, but most often you womenfolk have us beat when it comes to the emotional world. The most difficult thing I have ever done in my life was to tell you my feelings and then wait to see if you felt the same. I suspect that as a gender us men would rather fight a battalion than to risk our hearts. There are, for sure, many practical reasons for walking away from you when you were human. But those would be rationales. The truth was that I was so cut off from my own emotions that I didn't know how much you meant to me. It was only when you were a newborn and I could see the differences between my feelings towards Edward and you did the penny fall. For Edward he was aware of what Bella meant to him and he chose to tell himself that his self-sacrifice was noble. But it was no less a coward's move than mine. In both cases the unlying feeling was a fear of rejection."
Thinking hard about what he was saying, I finally responded, "You were a product of all your knowledge and life experiences prior to that moment. It is unreasonable, in my opinion, to hold yourself guilty for not being the man then that you are now. What is important is once you knew better, you've done better. Nevertheless, if you need an absolution, you have it. I just hope Edward can adjust to his life lessons, also."
After kissing me, he uttered, "Well, that is up to him."
"Yes, it is," I agreed.
We talked about the kids and his work and then mine. It was almost time for him to prepare to go to the hospital when I confessed, "I'm worried."
"What about?" he wondered appearing confused.
"Edward and Bella are not maturing at the same rate, with Bella outstripping him," I explained.
Smiling sadly, he agreed, "That is common for girls and boys of their age, well Edward's age when he was turned anyway."
Nodding in agreement, I found the courage to express my fear. "Could she outgrow him as a human, so that when she's changed they are no longer mates?"
His eyebrows bent together in contemplation.
Kissing him, I told him, "Take your time thinking about it. There might not be an answer. I am worried. That is all. You need to get ready for work."
His eyes once more focused on me. "Yes, alright, yes. Work it is."
It always made me giggle when he floundered and this time was no different.
He kissed me once more before getting up and preparing to start his shift.
While he was gone, I worked more on a remodel for one of our properties, studied more ideas to help Edward and Bella, and did a little more painting.
Over the next two weeks we talked more about the future, the past, who we used to be, who we hoped we were becoming, and our intention for the family. More than once over the decades we had mentioned how easier things would be, in a way, if we had been in our 30s or even 40s when turned. We might play the parents of a family, but as the decades had moved on it was more and more unconventional to be young with children. We discussed changing the way we presented ourselves to humans and how that might work. Eventually, I admitted, "I think we need Bella's wisdom."
He smiled at me and agreed easily.
When it was time to leave for Billingsham he had the day off, so travelled with me. I asked him for a story about Edward before me, and he told me one where Edward crashed their new car.
It was a funny story of sorts, but in the light of the last two years it wasn't.
"Was he remorseful?" I wondered softly, unsure that I wanted the answer.
"Yes," Carlisle answered quickly and slightly defensive.
"What were the actions you required for him to demonstrate his repentance?" I asked softly almost frightened of the question.
He seemed to ponder it for a long time before he answered subdued, "Nothing really." Sighing heavily, he added, "I've been thinking about when he returned. I required him to keep to our diet, but what about the hurt he caused us. Sure, he apologised, and there's no doubt he meant it. Just the conversation we had. You absolved me of my actions, but did I demonstrate a form of repentance? What about my betrayal of Bella's trust? Did I demonstrate repentance towards her? What would that even look like? We are not their parents, not really. We are bound together in a way that makes us family, and we are certainly not a coven, but …" then he said nothing for many miles. "We need a family meeting."
"Of course," I agreed.
At almost a whisper he uttered, "I know we need to change. I just don't know what our new form should be."
"We will figure it out together," I assured him.
That evening Carlisle went out with the others while Edward, Bella, and I met once more.
"How are things going?" I asked them.
"Okay," Bella answered, while at the same time Edward said, "Well."
"Bella you go first," I instructed.
"Edward told me some more stories about times with the family in the '60s and '70s," she stated.
"Anything more?" I wondered.
"We played cards a few times," she said softly.
"Did you enjoy that?" I asked.
"Yes," she claimed, but there was reluctance there.
"Be honest," I urged her.
Looking sad, she admitted, "It was uncomfortable."
"Can you explain more, please?" I requested.
"It was stilted and dripping with awkwardness," she admitted softly. "It was like every second Edward wanted to say something but stopped himself. We played a few hands before I couldn't take it anymore."
Smiling in encouragement to her, I told her, "Thank you for speaking your truth. I'm proud of your courageousness." Turning to Edward, I asked him, "What was your experience?"
After a deep inhale he said, "I was grateful for the time we spent together. There is much I wish to say to Bella. And at the same time, I have promised to keep such conversations for our time in these sessions. I just want to do everything right. I know I screwed up and I want to fix things, but every time I try, it seems like I'm making things worse."
Bella looked shocked as he spoke. When he finished, she said nothing, while her look of apprehensive remained.
Hoping I was making the best choice, I pressed forward and asked, "What do you want to fix?"
He turned and looked at Bella. "I want to go back to how easy it was for us like over the summer. I want to be able to be in your presence and enjoy it without the tension between us. Carlisle is right. I was a coward. I believed myself to be a man of principles, and it was those ideals that I used to convince myself of my actions. Yet, the horrible truth is that I was afraid. I allowed my fear to rule me, and instead of speaking my fear I ran like a little child. How do I fix it?"
She stared at him like he had three heads.
We sat in silence for over ten minutes, as each time Edward went to speak I told him Wait. She needs time to process. She is human. It will take her longer. He would indicate that he heard me, but clearly waiting was hard for him.
Finally she muttered at barely a breath, "You were afraid?"
It fascinated me that was the part of what he had said that she had latched onto, but said nothing.
He clearly wanted to flee rather than be honest, and a few times his eyes wandered, but then he seemingly forced himself to look at her. "Terrified."
She looked at him stunned.
"You have no idea how many times I saw you dead in one of Alice's visions, either because I had drained you or crushed you. You kept insisting that my love for you would keep you safe, but it didn't."
Go on, I encouraged him.
He took a deep breath in and then added more quietly, "I couldn't see any way other way of keeping you alive. I didn't want you to die."
"You could have changed me," she said in a defeated tone.
"Perhaps," he agreed reluctantly. "But what if you woke up angry at what I had done to you like Rosalie and I did. I couldn't bear the idea of you hating me."
She looked like she had experienced whiplash. When she got her bearings she looked at me, "Is this possible?"
"You know Rosalie's story as well as mine and Emmett's. It's possible, but there's no way to know," I reminded her.
She frowned, "Yes, I know Carlisle and you told me about this. Depending on a number of factors, I could have varying amounts of memory of my human life. My emotions will be heightened, and I could wake up resentful or angry."
"That's correct," I agreed.
She looked at me, and then Edward, and back at me. After many long minutes she said, "Thank you for being honest, Edward." Then turning to me she asked, "Can we stop and pick this up in a few days? I need time to think."
"Of course," I told her.
Edward frowned and looked distraught, as she left walking towards her room.
Thinking is better than withdrawing or angry, I reminded him. Give her space and honour her request.
It was clear from his body language that doing so would prove to be a challenge for him
Patience is a part of maturity. Trust in her. Trust that she is loving and kind and wise.
It took him a few minutes, but he indicated agreement.
Unfortunately, Carlisle had to head back to Forks before we were able to arrange schedules for everyone to be together. When the kids had enquired about why Carlisle and I had requested a family meeting when it wasn't New Years, he simply told them that he'd been thinking about the future. Over the next few days it dawned on me that other than Edward and at moment Bella, none of the rest really needed me as a mothering figure anymore. They needed a mentor and perhaps older friend, but not really a mom. It was hard to mentally begin altering how I saw them, but it wasn't hard to conclude that changing my mindset was important for the future Carlisle and I had spoken about. Then, there was the reality that it was unhealthy for a parent to want their children to remain dependent. Even human parents changed their role with their offspring as they matured.
When Edward, Bella, and I sat down again it was clear that Bella had come to some conclusions, so it was only fitting that we start with her.
She rotated her gaze from Edward, then to her hands, and then the floor while speaking. "Coming to Forks and meeting your family has changed me Edward. I am not the same as when we first met. At times, my words and actions prior were inconsiderate and disrespectful of you. For that I apologise. The thing is Edward that you never really explained like you did a few days ago. You just gave me ultimatums and made hard lines that you refused for us to cross. At the time I said nothing believing that as the months progressed you would change your way of thinking. Yet, even now you haven't. Yes, you're being more forthcoming with your reasons and I appreciate that. I really do. But explaining yourself fully makes no difference if this is not a dialogue. So, before I say more, I must ask, are you willing to hear me and change your mind?"
He looked startled at her words while I winked at her in a subtle congratulation. If I could have without offending Edward, I would have been beaming with pride.
He took a few minutes before stating, "I will endeavour to do my best."
She nodded like this was a good enough answer before saying, "I get that you were raised in a different age than I, Edward. You have these ideas about women and relationships and love that no doubt were how humans thought back in your day, but most of that doesn't fly anymore. When you edit, or don't explain, you are saying that you don't trust my intelligence. When you hide your past and lie, you tell me that you are dishonest. Why would I want to be friends with someone who is untrustworthy and insinuates that I am dimwitted?"
He clearly wanted to retort, but before he did I reminded him, Try and see it from her perspective. Imagine if one of your brothers treated you how you did her. Would your conclusions be the same?
Fortunately, he stopped and considered her words. It took a few minutes before he responded with "That was not what I intended to communicate."
"Fair enough," she replied, "but intention aside, that is what I received. Over and over in small and big ways you communicated to me that you saw me as less intelligent than you and unworthy to bare yourself to."
Edward looked angry and so I intervened, "Could you explain a little more?"
Bella thought some before answering, "Like the Prom. I didn't want to go. You wanted to go. You told me that I would regret not going and forced the issue. You didn't listen. There was no compromise. You told me what would be best for me and then did that without any input from me. Except, you aren't my father, and even my father doesn't do that. It's insulting."
"Excuse me," Edward stated his voice tight before he marched out of the room.
She looked surprised at his exit and looked at me for guidance.
"I told him that if he ever felt upset he was to leave. Like we told you, we vampires feel things very strongly, and any strong negative emotion Edward needs to work through away from you," I explained.
She nodded looking sad.
"I'm incredibly proud of you. You are not responsible if someone else doesn't like your truth. Your job is to speak it," I reminded her.
"Right," she agreed with a sad smile.
"We'll try again in two day," I told her.
"Okay," she consented frowning, but appeared less burdened as she went to get ready for bed.
I texted the other couples and let them figure out Edward, informing them that I would be in the house for Bella's sake. Then, let Carlisle know that I would be staying longer than expected.
The next two days Edward wasn't home, so I told Bella another two days. The following day he arrived home.
"Come here, Edward," I instructed as soon I heard him approaching.
Everyone else was at campus or out otherwise.
He was completely a mess, muddy with twigs and leaves everywhere and his clothes torn. It was so unlike him. When he entered my office space he appeared defiant.
"Your anger and stubbornness are not going to help you in this case," I told him. "Tell me what's wrong."
"I was just trying to give her the best," he stated clearly in the middle of an argument.
After giving a minute of silence, I asked, "Whose version of best?"
He turned to stone looking confused. Then, very softly he stated, "She doesn't know what's best."
Holding my anger at bay, I checked, "Are you suggesting that Bella doesn't know what's best for herself?"
At barely a whisper he said, "She's very young."
"You are younger," I reminded him. "Does that mean that you do not know what's best for yourself?"
"Of course not," he rejected quickly and forcefully.
With great effort infusing love and tenderness into my tone, I asked, "So, if it is not about age, then is it because she is a girl? Young girls do not know what is best for them, while young boys do?"
It looked like he wanted to say yes, but instead uttered, "Maybe."
"Why would there be a difference simply because of gender?" I pressed.
He looked like he wanted to form his reasoning, but then he stopped himself. Instead he said, "It is hard to change these beliefs."
"Yes," I agreed. "But you must, so that the woman you love knows that she is your balance. If you believe that genitalia determines smarts or capacity in any way then you have learned nothing from having Rosalie as your sister."
He laughed in a self-deprecating concerned way. After a minute he asked, "Why is that these beliefs seem to only apply to Bella?"
After careful consideration, I offered, "Perhaps in part due to the beliefs you were raised with, but also perhaps because it gives you a reasonable rationalisation for steamrolling over her and keeping your heart protected."
"Perhaps," he agreed reluctantly. "May I be excused?"
"Yes," I agreed. "A wash before anything else, please."
"Yes, ma'am," he replied as he flew to his room.
When it sounded like he was finished and settled, I went to his door and knocked.
"Enter," he uttered sadly.
"You missed when the three of us were to meet next. I pushed it back to tomorrow," I told him.
"I just keep messing it up," he moaned.
"Perfection is not a requirement of being loved and wanted," I told him gently.
He looked startled and then nodded.
Closing the door quietly, I debated going back to Forks and then returning, but decided that the family would be served best if I stayed. I texted Carlisle letting him know my thinking and like every shift he had off the days prior, he came up, and we spent it together.
"I'm missing everyone," he told me.
Turning my gaze away from the beautiful scenery and towards him, I asked, "Care to elaborate?"
"This is the first time in our history in which we are actually a distance away from the others while they are at college."
"Yes, usually they study closer to home," I agreed. "And they are growing out of being kids, except perhaps Bella and Edward."
If Bella hadn't come into our lives, they would have attended a college in Seattle and simply commuted.
He nodded in agreement and then continued, "I work and am enjoying it, and you are my priority, but I am missing them. Consequently, I am a little envious of your time with them," he confessed.
"Come back to the house, then, or take a few days off," I encouraged him, but he seemed hesitant. "What is it?"
After a few minutes he told me, "I think it is better for Edward if I am away. He and I created a relationship that needs to change. I miss him, but I believe staying away is the best chance for him to age."
Pondering this, I had to agree. "How about we invite each couple to do something with us? We could go to that spa resort near Ontario with Alice and Jasper? And then we could do the same with Rosalie and Emmett. There's good hunting, the hot springs that we can enjoy, and shopping nearby."
After kissing me deeply he said, "You are just what I need. Thank you."
Resting my head on his shoulder, I replied, "You're welcome."
We stayed in our spot enjoying each other's company until the sun rose, even if it was behind clouds.
"Good luck," he told me right before he turned and ran back to Forks.
As soon as my hand had turned the doorknob, Alice greeted me enthusiastically, "That's a great idea."
Smiling indulgently, I stated, "Glad you approve."
"What's a great idea?" Rosalie came down the stairs eying Alice with irritation.
"Carlisle and I thought it would be nice to spend time with each couple. I suggested the Millcroft Inn and Spa, but we are open to any place each couple would like to go to."
Rosalie smiled softly and stated, "Sounds like a great idea."
"Let me know what weekend works for you guys," I told them.
"Sure," Alice answered while Rosalie said, "Naturally."
Emmett and Jasper barely looked up from their game, so I assumed that meant they were in agreement.
Then, Alice showed me the work she had completed on her business. We were getting near the end of her collection and she looked at me seriously, "I think it would be helpful for me to specialise in costume designing."
"Yes," I offered in support with a hint of a question mark in my tone.
"I want to do more than what my gift has to offer for the family," she explained so softly it was unlikely that it would have been heard by anyone else.
Hugging her I whispered in her ear, "I'm proud of you."
When I released her she looked overjoyed. "Thanks," she offered before running to find Jasper and asking him to go with her before classes.
He agreed readily and sent appreciation and care to me as they left.
A/N: I hope this find you and yours well.
Hopefully you're still enjoying the story. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Stay safe out there!