Warning: This chapter contains some scenes which alluded to sex, which include tussling. I believe that the most intense of these scenes firmly stays within the PG-13 range in which this story is listed. Nevertheless, please be mindful if such topics would be unsettling to you.

Chapter 6: Change Is A Struggle

That evening Bella did not come home, which was the first time she had done so while I had been around. I assumed that she was avoiding Edward. My inclination was to worry about her, but then I reminded myself that she was becoming a grown woman. Even though I could have checked in with Alice and Jasper, who were guarding her, I refrained. If she was asking for space, albeit through her actions, then it seemed contrary to our relationship to violate it. My thought process reminded me of Carlisle's refrain in my vision. Just because I could, didn't mean I should.

Heading east into the rising sun, Rosalie and I went on a drive. She had claimed that she needed to listen to an engine in order to figure out the next modifications changes she wanted to make to it.

As we travelled down the driveway, she moved through the gears quickly, seemingly wanting to see how responsive the engine and transmission were.

"How are things going?" I asked her once we were far enough from the house for privacy to be ensured.

"He's a blockhead," she answered with tone of strong irritation and frustration.

"If you can change, so can he," I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes and appeared very much the cold icy queen Edward had more than once accused her.

Then without notice or reason, her stature softened, and she spoke with a soft and reluctant tone. "You were right. Edward reminds me of the men that surrounded my father and Royce. A girl's job was to look pretty and have children." Her hands curled around the steering wheel a minuscule amount, while her knuckles were taut. With deep sadness and a touch of musing confessed, "I've begun to wonder if all my regrets and animosity is because I didn't live up to those expectations."

With purposeful deliberation, weighing all of the messages of her era, who I remembered her to be as a human, and the kind of woman she was before Emmett, I replied, "Possibly," my pride coming through.

A firm answer to her contemplation would probably never be found, but the very question showed how she was developing and beginning to move beyond the wounds she had brought with her into becoming a vampire. My deepest wish was that this also meant she was finally finding healing from those wounds.

Growling lowly in her chest, in a manner suggesting that she was doing so instinctively, she spit out, "Despite all of Edward's noise about souls, I keep wondering if he doesn't want to change Bella, so that she can stay weak. As a newborn she will be stronger, and after that they will be far more equal in capacity than it is presently. Right now, her status fits his era's ridiculous notions to a tee. Neither Emmett nor Jasper hold such ideas. Both see women as strong and capable, if not suited to different roles than men."

"Perhaps it is how men of his and your class were?" I pondered. "Neither Jasper nor Emmett were of the same upper class as you and Edward."

Sighing with a tone of exasperation, she agreed, "It would seem so. Thus, you were right as to why Emmett is such a good match to me. And, as much as I have wanted through the years to meet the expectations placed upon me regarding marriage and babies from my human years, and a child still would be lovely, I'm beginning to see that being pretty and having children doesn't have to define me."

"Glad to hear it," I commended her. "Your value never laid in those things, and neither did mine. Nevertheless, even with awareness of these truths, it's hard to incorporate those ideas into a new self."

Sarcastically she stated, "You are forbidden to sound like Edward."

I chuckled. "Of course, we cannot have that."

She smiled widely.

"How are the studies?" I wondered.

"Good," she replied. "I'm thinking about focusing on graphic design."

"That sounds like something you would be good at," I voiced pleased at her choice.

"Yeah, I think so too," she agreed.

She told me how between Emmett, Jasper, and herself they had been nudging and prodding Edward into talking about his views, where they came from, if they fit this era and Bella, and then examining how he needed to adjust to grow with her.

We were almost home when I told her, "Thank you Rose."

She smiled wickedly. "Best job ever."

Chuckling at her attitude, I didn't doubt that was true for her, as the present circumstances had switched the power dynamic between them. From the beginning Edward had the advantage, due to his gift, but in this situation Rose held the ascendant position.

Shortly after we returned Rose and Emmett left to keep an eye on Bella, leaving Edward home with me, but he seemed to need solitude, so I left him to it. A few hours before twilight Edward left for class. After an hour Bella returned. After she got herself refreshed, she and I talked about her part-time job. She told silly stories and then did a bit of her homework until Edward returned. Our time relieved any concerns that had arisen within me about she and my relationship, and thus confirmed my hypothesis that she was avoiding Edward. We avoided talking about what had happened the last session, per the rules of our working together.

Upon his arrival we resumed our spots, since he insisted that he didn't need time before we reconvened.

"Edward," I prodded after many minutes of silence. You did the right thing by leaving the last session. The floor is yours to explain.

He turned and looked at Bella. "I walked out in order to process my frustration. It is hard for me to acknowledge some of things you mentioned, as they required me to evaluate opinions I've held for a hundred years. Nevertheless, I spent time considering your words, as promised. Even if it took me a while, I can see how my desire to offer you the experiences I miss from my human years might have come across as heavy handed. So much has changed in the last one-hundred years. In my era going to a dance was the event that both sexes looked forward to. I was so excited to experience it again, especially with you, instead of being the only single with two pairs, I made assumptions, and thus put undo pressure on you. I apologise."

She smiled sadly, and after a few minutes told him, "You know, if you had just said that I would have gone more willingly. I don't doubt the importance and value your experiences of being human mean to you, and don't expect you to contort you into a modern man. At the same time, your opinions aren't mine and how things were done isn't true anymore. Prom might be a right of passage to some, but it is no longer the place you are likely to meet your future husband. Nor is there the excitement of the genders mixing in their finest attire, since school is now co-ed. And the truth you refused to acknowledge is that I don't like dancing. I don't like crowds. I don't like parties. I don't like being the centre of attention."

"You go to frat parties," he rebutted, sounding defensive.

"And how, pray tell would you know that?" she answered her tone irate.

Edward looked contrite, although remained silent.

"And for your information, not that I owe it to you, I find a corner or porch and talk to a few people," she refuted irritated.

During the moment of silence, I debated of whether to pursue her feelings or our purpose. Well aware that the feelings would manifest again, I pointed out, "This conversation started in the prior session because the week before you two had spent time together, and Bella had reported the time as uncomfortable. With both of you expressing your past actions and thoughts a little more, let's get back to the question we were working on: what do you need to enjoy each other's company?"

While I had spoken Bella had taken in deep breaths and let them out slowly. When my question was asked, she admitted her tone mostly calm, "I like when he plays the piano while I study," Bella admitted.

"I like when we discuss different books or courses," Edward added after a few minutes had passed.

"Let us start there, then, for the next two weeks. I assume that Bella's statement includes the previous caveat of no music composed for her?" I checked looking at her. After she nodded in agreement, I continued, "The goal isn't to clear the air or speak of old grievances or even to heal the past. Your only goal is to be in each other's company in a manner that is comfortable and agreeable to the both of you."

"Sure," Bella stated while Edward said a soft, "Yes, ma'am."

"Anything else?" I asked.

Bella seemed like she wanted to say something, so we waited.

Finally she sighed and spoke. "I don't think Edward and I can find a way to make things go back to the way they were. And even if they could go back, I don't think that I'd want them to. I like the ideas that have been suggested for the next two weeks, because it's things that we have enjoyed recently."

I nodded in agreement.

Then, she looked directly at Edward, "Can you let the past go? Stop trying to make things the way they were?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Subsequently, with a harshness that wasn't like Bella she challenged, "Clean slate, right?"

His whole face fell appearing defeated. "If that's what you're asking for, then yes, Bella, I can do that for you."

"I am," she asserted with strength. After that, she stood up and walked over to Edward and extended her hand. "Clean slate," she repeated with force, took a breath, and then added in a gentler tone, "We are both members of this family and need to find a way to get along."

"And become friends," he said fearfully and in a pleading tone.

"We can try," she stated curtly.

He seemed to be searching her features, and then, albeit slowly, took her hand in his and shook it.

They held each other's hands longer than was necessary and I dared not breathe.

Suddenly, Bella stepped back her heart racing, but with purposefulness left the room and went to hers.

All right? I wondered.

"Probably not," he muttered, "but it's more than I deserve."

Unwilling to unscramble what that meant, I came over and put my hand on his shoulder, encouraging him, "Have faith."

"I'm working at it," he said at barely a whisper.

I texted the others that they could return and got a quick text from Alice that I was welcome to join her and Jasper along with their location. Sometimes her gift was really quite handy, as I had just decided that I would like to speak to Jasper before heading back to Forks.

Following Alice's directions, I found the two of them, with Jasper propped against a log and Alice in his lap.

"I'll just leave the two of you to it then," Alice said with a smile, a kiss on Jasper's cheek, and then running off.

Even though it would have been fine for her to stay, I appreciated her giving us the illusion of privacy.

"How are things, Jasper?" I asked sitting down across from him.

"Everyone is doing well apart from Edward." Then, he paused, "And I'm not sure about Bella."

Waiting for him to continue, I sat patiently.

"Edward is all over the place," he mused, "but most of the time heading in a direction that is constructive. He is the most stubborn fool I know, and that's saying something because Peter can be a real blockhead."

After many long minutes of silence, I checked, "There's hope, then?"

He looked up towards the sky. "Hope that Edward can change? I don't see any reason why that wouldn't be the case. The problem is the timeline. Bella being human means that she is changing rapidly. It's been enjoyable to be around actually. Usually the emotions of teenagers are exhausting and then at college they seem better, but to experience the changes and growth through her has made it look different."

He paused and then sounded slightly sad. "I don't think much about being human, and avoid recalling my years with Maria. They're behind me, but experiencing this stage of Bella's life has made me keenly aware of what I lost at Maria's teeth. Not the vampire part, I mean, because I'm grateful actually for that. But it's strange to think about the kind of vampire I would be, the kind of man I would be, if I had been a few years older when Maria had found me. All of us really, to be honest. This past year has changed us and we've let go of our old mindsets, pain, grudges, those things, but somethings are just stuck. I can't alter myself at the pace that Bella can. It's a beautiful metamorphosis. More than anything I am grateful for the opportunity living with Bella has afforded me to bear witness to it."

Time stretched between us and I allowed his words to settle upon me.

"She is an incredible human," I allowed. "I do think, though, that this is what fulfills Carlisle. Year after year he is still awed by the beauty of their metamorphosis. It is what makes us Cullens odd. The Denalis, for all their diet, do not behold their wonder in the way that he does. I see it also with the community work I do, but the five of you, I'm not so sure if that was the case previously."

He nodded. "Bella has changed us. Emmett has started telling off the young men at school that don't listen to a no from a girl in a way that's like a big brother. Rosalie is more approachable and being kind, if not still slightly aloof from her classmates. Alice wants to contribute to the family in ways that are not dependent on her visions. We've grown into ourselves in ways that have made the home emotional atmosphere even more pleasant than it has ever been."

"Except for Edward," I pointed out.

He sighed unhappily.

"Care to wager a guess at the largest obstacle?"

After a few seconds of thought he answered, "His inferiority complex."

Mentally reviewing my psychology classes and what that meant for my son, I found myself agreeing.

Considering the best way forward, I asked, "Would you mind if I mentioned that to Carlisle?"

He waved his hand as if that was a given.

Hesitant but feeling brave, I posed the question, "What about Carlisle and I?"

He chuckled. "In a benevolent coup, you managed to become the leader. You're stronger. You've always been the heart of us, but with you as also our spine, we are all better for it. Carlisle, as good as a man as he is and as much as he has led us in many ways, doesn't have the natural leadership qualities you do, Esme."

Shocked at his statement I was flummoxed. When I found my voice, it was to protest. "Carlisle knows far more about the vampire world and the human one. He has led us well."

"A president doesn't need to be the smartest one in the room or the most experienced," he countered. His voice became softer, "You might not have known it, but you have always been the glue that holds us together. Without you Edward would be an even bigger pompous ass, Alice would get away with murder, Rosalie would want nothing to do with anyone, but stay out of fear. Edward's problems are in part due to Carlisle's struggle to make the difficult calls, but not you. You see what's best for the whole and the parts, you gently nudge, and request. You're not heavy handed in anyway. At the same time, since your vision, you have shown yourself to be a natural leader and the more you grow into yourself, the more that becomes true. The family is better for it."

My eyes dropped while my emotions swam.

"You did not steal anything," he refuted softly. "There is no need to feel guilty. Carlisle is a healer and scientist first, and a leader second. His reluctance in leading is partially why he is no Maria, and I value that in him. But that does not change the truth of things. In the era you came from in how many families did the mother create the sense of unity, while the husband had the final say? Is this how Carlisle and you want to continue? You are welcome to coordination from the background, Esme. No one in the family would speak ill of it. But just because you are the female doesn't mean you can't lead."

Without real thought the words "Carlisle is my sire," popped out of my mouth. And I looked up at Jasper hoping he understood what I was trying to say, knowing for certain he would feel my uneasiness and sadness.

He sent me encouragement and brotherly love. Then, very softly and gently he uttered, "That's a role that is very difficult to change. Even now I see Peter as my responsibility. We are brothers in arms, for sure, and I would certainly describe him as a friend. It is a powerful bond, and especially as it is our first experiences into this life, a deeply embedded pattern. The choice is yours."

"His name and reputation keeps us in good stead, especially with Italy," I pointed out.

With a smile and a tone of teasing offered, "Perhaps a co-leadership?"

According to Carlisle, the Volturi were three men and their wives had nothing to do with the business of ruling. I thought of all the covens we knew and in each case it was a man in leadership, unless it was an all female coven. The exception was the Denalis, as Eleazar had asked to join Tanya and her sisters, or the Irish coven, but that was because Liam was a wallflower.

Hoping my question would not bother him, I asked, "In your travels with Alice, have you two encountered any covens led by women when there is a male?"

Anger and animosity rolled off him before he relaxed again frowning, "I've heard of a few, but not met them." Then with a regretful smile he offered an apology for his reaction followed by, "If our human culture transforms with us, then our covens would reflect human's recent propensity for patriarchy. If the stories humans tell are true, then prior to the agricultural age most tribes were matriarchal. And even though we vampires like to imagine ourselves as immortal, I know of no individuals older than a few thousand years. Perhaps patriarchal groups conquering matriarchal ones is true of our own histories and not just humans."

Knowing he was touching on something important that contained truth, but not wanting to delve into it deeper, as the topic seemed to have unsettled him, I smiled slightly and pressed, "And Carlisle?"

"Struggling to change," he answered.

"Yes, he's staying away in the hopes that doing so will assist Edward," I confided.

"Thus, the time with the couples?" he verified.

"Yes," I confirmed.

He looked contemplative before he spoke. "Bella also needs time with the both of you." Then, he paused before adding, "And probably Edward with the two of you, so he doesn't feel left out, but you'll need to ensure he stays on the straight and narrow."

Chuckling at the thought, I shared it with him, "Putting that military mind to work in helping Edward grow up isn't quite the same as leading campaigns, I imagine."

"No, campaigns were easier," he retorted quickly with a grin.

"Got to have some challenges in life," I offered back grinning widely.

"Life would be dull otherwise," he agreed.

Allowing the environment to still me, I worked at projecting to him my care and affection along with my appreciation and gratefulness.

He seemed to soak up what I was sending him with pleasure, keeping a lazy smile.

A few hours had passed when he moved slightly and offered an almost shy, "Thank you." Then, he rose and offered me his hand.

"It is I who should be saying thank you," I replied.

He nodded in acknowledgement. "I shall run home. You need an escort?"

As if my human years had overpowered my mouth, I told him, "That would be most appreciated my kind sir."

We walked in a companion silence, as I continued to express how much he meant to me through my emotions. Once I was in my car, he dashed off, and I started my drive back to Forks with all of his words clamouring for attention. The strongest feelings were in relation to Carlisle, of course. I would be appalled if he, even for a moment, believed that I was taking something from him. Could it be that Jasper was right and Carlisle was a reluctant leader? Would he be grateful to take a step back? Reviewing events since my visions, Jasper was correct that I was taking a more active role in our family. It seemed from my perspective that I hadn't been leading at all, just my vision, and then my heart, as I had for decades wanted better for each of my family members. From my clinical work during my family and marriage internship, I had learned that change was hard, and that was for humans. This past year and half had been the most difficult and most rewarding for our family. Did that mean I was leading the family, as Jasper seemed to think?

Putting those thoughts aside until I spoke to Carlisle, I considered Jasper's observations of coven dynamics in relation to gender. Especially when looking at the Volturi, it was clear that men ran our world. They were Greek of old, and so it fit the little I knew of the culture when they were turned. However, Charlotte and Maria were both examples of female warriors in our world, not to mention Jane and other women that were gifted.

Nearing Forks, for the first time since after my first year I was nervous to see Carlisle, and had to actively remind myself that I wasn't a newborn anymore. Trying to gather the courage necessary to face my husband with this new knowledge, I parked the car. Before the key was completely turned Carlisle had opened the door and put out his hand. I took it and we were wrapped in each other's arms kissing and touching.

"I missed you my darling," he murmured.

"And I you."

Stepping away from the car slightly, he then picked me up bridal style and carried me to our room. His arms regularly went around mine, as if pinning them in. His finger pressed into my skin in a way that was noticeable. He covered me with his body as if making himself a shield protecting me from the world. In these and a multitude of other ways his touches and acts reminded me of previous moments after the ending to a dangerous situation. My conclusion was that he was trying to lay claim to me in a manner meant to assure him.

The difference was my reactions. Where in the past I had submitted to his needs and on occasion saw it as my responsibility to calm whatever had bothered him, this time I paid attention to my own feelings. Despite the danger doing so to our house might pose, I allowed my wants and needs to come to the forefront, allowing them to speak louder to me than the conditioning of my human years had formed within me.

I loved him deeply and my body craved him, but whatever had gripped me over these decades into remaining the Esme I had been as a human was loosened, and the words I had spoken to Rosalie settled into me as if it were a form of transformation. I yearned to be the Esme from my vision, the one that climbed trees and baulked convention, the Esme that invited a man to her house. It would be impossible to completely remove the impact of Charles and my era's social conventions, but the vision's version of me was within somewhere. The answer, I intuited, was to let go of my shoulds and well-ingrained beliefs.

Giving in to my vampire nature and the intuition it offered me, I growled deep in my chest in a possessive tone, and increased pressure to my husband's body, matching his behaviours, knowing somewhere within me that it was not enough to crack his skin, but almost. He might want to ensure my well-being, but I wanted to do the same with him. More than ever, I ached to have equitability.

He growled back in a kind of warning, but I did not stop.

He went to move, so he would be on top, and I refused. Of course, he was sufficiently physically stronger than me that he could have forced the issue, but he didn't. Even leaning into my vampire self, I was certain that he was no Charles. I had no reason to fear him, which gave me confidence to assert myself.

My lack of compliance created within him some form of fervency. It was intimidating in its inhumanity.

Instead of leaning into my past human inclinations, I let everything go, as if I were on a hunt allowing myself to be led by vampire instinct alone.

This seemed to create a change within Carlisle, as if my choice pulled him into the same space. We were building to something in our touches. I just didn't know what. As the time passed, our clothes, completely insubstantial in comparison to the granite-like quality of our skin, became shreds that eventually would flutter to the floor.

In the beginning he moved his body as if attempting to enter me, but there was cloth blocking the way. As he actions continued those flimsy barriers gave way. Numerous times he attempted again. Each time I would move in such a way that prohibited the entrance. I was unsure why I was denying him, but continued to allow my instincts to lead me.

Time became irrelevant as we continued in this way. Phones rang, but were unimportant. The rising and setting of the sun was equally as trivial. My thirst began to make itself known, but it was pushed aside. It was like our bodies couldn't bare to have space between them and yet I continued to resist them becoming more joined. As the time passed, his fingers pressed in deeper, while he continued to keep me tightly interjoined with him, but never to the point that it hurt.

The first words spoken between us were his with a deep rumble and absolute finality, "Mine."

Looking into his eyes, I repeated the word as equally forceful, which startled him and I saw something shift within him.

The next words were softer, but contained the same tone, "I want you."

Holding his gaze, I responded, "I want you."

"Yet, you rebuff me," he replied.

"I am not a toy," I answered imagining him being Jasper and me projecting my love for him.

"You are my mate," he retorted.

"Yes, mate," I agreed. "Not an object. Your venom runs through my veins, but I am no fledgling."

"No," he concurred and kissed me passionately. After more hours had passed and his touches became fervent, his hands came inside of my thigh. Noting my uncertainty, he added, "Please allow me the honour. I have been bestowed the privilege of being your mate. No force, my love, a request."

It was these words that seemed to be the key to whatever had locked me from agreeing to his advances.

We enjoyed each other's bodies slowly as if discovering them for the first time. As we climaxed, the mood between us changed again returning to its earlier state. Touches were rough once more and as before I refused admittance. Eventually he voiced, "another request for permission."

"Granted," I agreed.

And even though he held me tighter than the first conjoining, it was no less an equal exchange. The tough touches never returned and eventually he uttered, "Your eyes are midnight."

"Yours are not much better," I pointed out.

"Hunt?" he asked.

"Hunt," I agreed.

We took a few seconds to throw on coverings. Next, as a precaution, we turned off the water main, and then hand in hand we rushed out into the forest. Finding a herd of deer, we drank. By the third I offered the rest to him, feeling full myself. Smiling kindly, he took it and finished it off.

Feeling uncertain, but trusting us, I sat down.

"Any idea what that was about?" I asked starting the conversation.

"No," he replied looking slightly ashamed.

"None of that," I told him. "We are changing. Our family is changing. Jasper believes that I'm taking on more of a leadership role and that doing so had bonded our family even closer."

His features changed to the look he had when searching his memory for something. Knowing that if it was something in his time with the Volturi, it could take a bit. So, I laid down and immersed myself in my surroundings. I had my own theory of what was going on between Carlisle and myself, but I was curious to hear his.

When his eyes refocused on me, he stated, "There are none like us."

"That we know of," I pointed out.

"True," he agreed. "There were many different kinds of mates in Volterra and their relationship, like human, seemed mostly determined on the couple. Are there any vampires that are pressed to change as we Cullens are? Sure, they need to adapt, but to really change? Maybe Aro's belief that our traits are set in stone when turned is simply a reflection of his experiences?"

"Makes sense," I concurred, waiting for him to continue his thoughts.

"We transitioned from sire and newborn to mates. In fairness, that isn't a terribly uncommon shift, and was helped by our strong urges for our mate." He paused, but I remained silent. "But your vision shifted the ground under our family, like tectonic plates. None of us are the same, with perhaps the exception of Edward, but then he wasn't here to shift with us." Allowing the silence again, it took a few minutes before he continued once more. "You are growing into yourself, Esme. This new version of yourself is sexy and alluring; don't think differently."

"But?" I pressed him when he didn't continue.

He looked down.

I moved over to him and lifted his chin. "Whatever changes are happening between us, we will see them through together. You have nothing to be ashamed for. You did not hurt me, and everything we did I consented to. You are not Charles."

Smiling sadly, but seemingly less upset with himself he confessed, "In our family I am either sire or, in the case of Alice and Jasper, leader. After years of being alone and having a sense of inadequacy, our family has altered me into a better man, albeit with flaws as my error with Bella shows. Before the family, I was never a leader. As a human, I didn't want a place of leadership, as it meant following in my father's steps, which abhorred me. In Volterra leadership contained violence I couldn't stomach."

"Yet, you have led us well," I countered.

"Perhaps," he allowed, "but often I permitted Edward to lead, making it seem like I was seeking knowledge through his gift. I am a diplomat, for sure, and maybe even a haven for those like Alice and Jasper. Yes, I have learned how to lead, and my years of experience has served us well, but you my darling are a natural leader. You lead subtly and gently by pulling out the best in each person. I struggle to call us to violence, which served us like with the Quileutes, but not with James, where it cost us tremendously. No doubt if Jasper was the head of the family, he would have handled it very differently."

"You are not Jasper, and he does not wish to lead," I reminded him.

"True," he agreed, and then looked a little ashamed. "For so long I have believed that you were God's gift to me. And perhaps there's some truth to that, but that is not the image that fits you anymore. Now, I see that you are an Amazon. I think that somehow I could feel inside of me how you are stepping into that space and a small part of me wanted my old Esme back." He frowned. "Once more, I don't know how, but you have changed me. Whatever it was inside of me that wanted to turn back time has gone. Instead, I feel incredible peace and am grateful for you taking up more of the responsibilities of the family. I feel freer to focus on my work and research."

"It takes great courage to be true to ourselves, rather than what we believe is needed of us," I reminded him. "You wanting to focus on research and your role as a doctor does not mean that you have failed the family or yourself."

He sat in silence for a while before responding, "I loathed the way my father treated women. I also was in opposition to leading the church the way he did. Bullish insistence of rightness was the model of leading from my father. Aro leads more kindly and with more input from others, so it seems more benevolent, but I learned over time that Aro could be as ruthless if not more so than my father. If my father wielded a broadsword, Aro's style was a katana. When Edward came, I vowed to myself that neither style would be mine. Except, lately I have pondered if instead of finding balance, I went to the other extreme refusing violence, even when it might have been the most prudent choice."

"If that is true, then no longer," I insisted. "I agree with you that you are a diplomat. That is a role of leadership, and a vital responsibility. Your diplomacy has saved our family more than once, and your openness to all allowed Alice and Jasper to enter our family easily. Even if your father or even Aro might see your leadership style as a weakness, I do not. Was not Martin Luther King, Jr a courageous leader or Mahatma Gandhi or Nelson Mandela?"

He looked at me with a smile while raising his hands slightly. "No need to pull out the heavy artillery." After chuckling and a moment's pause he added, "Perhaps you are correct that I do not see myself as courageous. Nevertheless, I can see your point. They led through coalition, peace, words, and diplomacy, and changed their worlds for it."

"And in many cases this type of leadership is more courageous than your father's kind. Diplomatic leadership requires a type of faith in others that your father never had," I stated.

After a moment he agreed.

"I need you, Carlisle," I confessed, "not just as my mate, but to lead this family. I don't have your courage or wisdom or patience or compassion. I wouldn't have thought to make a treaty with the Quileutes. I tend to be a mother bear when my cubs are threatened. There's the fact that the vampire community knows you, respects you, and often is either repelled or attracted due to your name and reputation. If others like Alice and Jasper were to come, they would be coming to you. Then, there is the fact that most covens are male-led, and there seems to be a misogynistic belief in the capacities of us females to lead, and speaking for the family to outsiders keeps me and us safer."

He smiled broadly, "You are such an incredible woman. May I request more of my privileges as a husband?"

Grinning broadly, I answered, "I'd like that."

Just as quickly as we had donned clothes we removed them. Time was once more irrelevant as we became lost in each other.

When we redressed he spoke softly, "Does it bother you that your intelligence and growth in these ways allure me so deeply?"

Surprised at his question, I answered, "No. In fact I find it a relief, because it tells me that we are becoming even more strongly bonded, and to me that means that we are heading in the right direction as a couple." Collecting my thoughts, he said nothing allowing me. "I have this theory that the vampire world reflects the human one more than we'd like to admit. Yet, because of how we live, we work at suppressing our vampiric nature in order to not kill humans. This is not a bad thing; so, don't mistake me. I do, however, think that it prevents us at times from seeing the gifts of being a vampire. We are being more instinctual than humans, which makes us more dangerous to them if we allow, but we can also be quicker to see the truth our instincts are trying to tell us. There's no doubt about our mates for us, while humans never really know. And I think that our instincts are telling us that this new future will serve us individually as a couple to be stronger than before."

Kissing me deeply, he told me, "God could not have given me anyone better."

As we travelled back to the house, I mused, "I wonder what excuse Alice used to cover for us."

He smiled with a slight concern.

"It will be fine," I assured him. "This was more important. You made the right choice for us all."

After a moment he agreed, and then added, "I just don't like letting people down. They were counting on me."

"One of the many reasons why I love you," I told him.

When we got back to the house we checked our phones finding text messages from Alice. It had been a few hours short of 20 days, since I had arrived back from Bellingham. According to the messages, she had told the hospital that there had been a family emergency and Carlisle would call when possible, as we had to travel abroad.

I texted back a thank you and considered these events between Carlisle and I as critical to be added to our needed upcoming family meeting.

Carlisle called the hospital, made his excuses, and got his new schedule, which started in a few hours.

"I might not be home for a while," he reminded me.

"I need to go for Edward and Bella's sessions," I explained.

"When I have my next hours off I will come up and we will have that family meeting," he told me.

"Agreed," I replied. "Come, my husband, let us survey our damage."

We walked around the house and only the ceiling and walls under our bathroom looked like they needed repair, but the second floor, particularly our room and bathroom, were demolished. Fortunately, the house supports were on the outside walls and the one column that ran down the centre where the stairs were located was undamaged.

We started the clean up, including turning off the water into our bathroom, and restoring the water main, but barely made a dent in it before Carlisle needed to shower and leave. We ended up using the guest bathroom, given the state of our own, and showered together enjoying caring for one another. Then, we both headed out. The house could wait.

When I arrived in Bellingham no one was there, which I took as a little odd. Settling into the sitting room to think, I texted Bella and Edward to see if their schedules worked for us meeting this evening.

Edward almost immediately responded with his availability, which was fairly open.

It took Bella over two hours to respond. Her schedule was much more full, but there was an opening for both of them later in the evening.

Texting Carlisle I asked him how he was feeling.

More settled. That strange?

Just more evidence that we are on the path meant for us I replied

With the damage to the house, I decided that I would need to redo the whole second floor. My greatest hope was that nothing too valuable was damaged from Carlisle's office, as we had damaged one wall, but had yet addressed the room.

The sun was near the horizon when Rosalie and Emmett walked in.

"Hey, Esme," Emmett greeted me, coming over and giving me a hug.

Then Rosalie hugged me, holding onto me longer than usual.

When she released me I eyed them cautiously.

As the silence became extended, I asked, "What's going on?"

Rosalie and Emmett exchanged looks. Finally Rosalie spoke, "Are you and Carlisle okay?"

"Yes," I answered shocked at the question.

"Alice was in a state and would only say that you and Carlisle were working on things. We were worried," she explained.

"About what?" I wondered, confused about their reactions.

After many long minutes with me looking at Rosalie expectantly, Emmett answered, "That you and Carlisle were fighting."

Smiling assuredly at them, I told them, "No, nothing like that. No need to worry." After a few seconds, I questioned, "Was Edward here when Alice got the vision?"

Emmett responded quickly, "No, she was on campus initially. She came home, leaving Jasper to watch Bella, and told us the cover story, and that she didn't know how long it would take you two, but that it was critical we stay clear of the house. It sounded odd. We didn't know what would be best, and even more concerning neither did Alice."

I mentally added this event to the list of things to discuss at the family meeting.

"Edward, Bella, and I are having a session at nine tonight," I warned them.

They both stiffened.

"What?" I pressed.

They shared a look again.

"I'm sure they'll tell you," Rosalie hedged, probably because she hated her privacy being invaded.

"Any physical harm done?" I checked.

They looked at each other once more and then Rosalie sighed, "Bella got bruised. She was moving backwards, and you know that girl can barely walk forward. Anyway, she knocked into a door handle. She's bruised fairly bad, but then the wind bruises her."

"And Edward?" I pressed assuming Bella had been moving back from him when she got hurt.

"I grabbed him around like when he couldn't feed for himself, and took him outside," Emmett informed me. "He didn't come home for a few days, but then he was extremely remorseful. Bella hasn't slept here since."

"Well, that would explain how her scent is so slight," I stated. "No worries, I'll get to the bottom of it."

Rosalie smiled in gratitude and Emmett relaxed.

They seemed to miss me, as they settled into the sitting room talking about classes and other going ons. A few hours later Edward appeared.

He greeted me, and then immeditately retreated to his room.

Rosalie looked at me like 'what did I tell you?".

As perceptive as always, Emmett suggested taking Rosalie to the movies. She accepted, but before leaving gave me a hug whispering into my ear as she did so, "You staying a few days?"

Nodding yes, she looked relieved.

Clearly something had happened in the house while Carlisle and I were sorting out things. Getting to the bottom of it would take time, but that wasn't a problem, since I was here until Carlisle showed.

When Bella arrived she was unusually slow exiting her car and entering the house.

Give us a few minutes before you come down please, I requested to Edward.

He didn't respond, but I assumed that he would honour my plea.

"Come on in, I won't bite," I promised Bella with a teasing tone once the door opened ensuring to raise the volume of my voice, making sure she would hear me.

She did with a smile, and then came over giving me a hug before settling down at the end of the couch from me.

"We will get to things between you and Edward during session, but it seems like more than that went on while I was away. Could you please tell me your perspective?"

She stammered a little seemingly surprised that I was aware of the mood of the house. "When I arrived home Alice looked distraught. Initially she wouldn't say what it was, only that humans were hard to see. Eventually, she said that you and Carlisle got wrapped in each other and then called whomever, telling them that you two had flown out of the country on a family emergency." She looked at me and I nodded at her to continue. "Rosalie and Emmett wanted to know what was going on. Edward wasn't here initially, and then when he got back joined Rosalie and Emmett in pestering Alice. She must have seen that they would never give up nagging her or maybe it was Rosalie saying that she was going to go to Forks."

Then, she shrugged uncertain. "Either way, Alice gave in and told us that you and Carlisle were working on things and needed time as a couple. That seemed fine to me, but everyone else got real still like it was a bad thing. No one would explain. I ended up yelling at them, and Jasper told me that you and Carlisle had only once had a disagreement and that was about leaving me after my disastrous 18th birthday. They all seemed afraid that it meant something bad, and Edward looked like he wanted to barf, which worried me even more. It seemed worse that Alice couldn't say how long until you two sorted things, which caused more worry and Jasper had to use his mojo to calm everyone. The next couple of days everyone seemed on edge, maybe because Jasper was projecting. I'm not really sure about that part. Then, Edward and I got into a huge fight, and I haven't been home since."

"Come here my sweet girl," I encouraged her.

She crawled into my lap, wrapping her arms around me, and started crying.

Between her tears she told me, "I was just so scared. You and Carlisle seem immovable and untouchable. It reminded me of all my fear and hurt regarding my parent's divorce. I was so scared that you and Carlisle were going to break up."

Running my hand over her head and down her hair, I told her, "Not even close."

With my words her body seemed to relax and her crying decreased.

Not once had I needed to stop breathing. It was a huge accomplishment for me.

Over an hour later from the basement Edward told me it was nine o'clock, and I replayed that information to Bella.

She withdrew her arms, wiped her eyes, and told me, "Let me get a snack and something to drink first."

"Of course," I agreed.

In the meantime I rearranged the sitting room for our purposes.

When she finished everything and was heading back Edward joined us.

Thank you, I told Edward.

He nodded in acknowledgement.

After she seemed as settled as she was going to be, I asked, "So, who wants to start?"

A/N: I look forward to hearing your thoughts, particularly about events between Carlisle and Esme.