I do not own Twilight

Bella

I was so fed up. The mental and physical effort involved in recovery was slowly killing me. It's strange how the things intended to make you better end up making you worse. Can't fault them for trying though.

Here I was, back at the hospital. Every weekday Jake would drive me back here for a session with the physiotherapist. Sometimes I would have another session following it, but those were starting to taper off now. Jake had been amazing. He came joined me in the hospital every evening after school to keep me company while my dad rested.

It was only part way into the first physio session when I had begged them to stop. The pain of moving limbs which had been secured for so long was excruciating. No matter how much I screamed, begged, tensed, they never relented. The physio said I could have someone come in with me for moral support and knew I needed to ask Jake.

He had jumped at the chance to help. So, our evening gossip sessions turned into a quick dinner, an hour of torture and then time to rest together. We had spoken about our friendship, I explained that I couldn't handle a relationship at the moment, and I wasn't sure I would ever like him like that. Thankfully he had backed off and I started to feel more comfortable cuddling with him as I cried from the pain.

The physio wasn't the only torturous part. I had to suffer through many hours of counselling where I tried to explain myself and the situation with E… Him, whilst maintaining the secrets. The last thing I had needed was to be locked up in loony town because they thought I was seeing things.

I frequently cried and shouted at Jacob after these sessions. He was one of the few that I could be open with about their true nature and the effect it had on me.

The councillor knew I was lying and holding something back. I could see it in her face. She wanted to get it out of me, asked difficult questions which were hard to come up with realistic lies to. In the end I had resorted to just saying "I don't want to talk about this." Whenever it got too close to the forbidden topics.

What more could I do? I just needed to get well enough to get home. Jacob had spoken to Sam and he knew someone on the reservation trained in counselling who knew enough for me to be able to talk openly. I had nearly kissed Sam when he came to tell me the news. "Thank you so much Sam, you have no idea the difference that will make." He had hugged me and left saying he was due on patrol soon.

Jake had been given reduced patrol time. Only twice a week now for a few hours, and someone always came to take his place. Seth was the most frequent.

Three weeks before I was due to leave, my leg casts were removed. The physio took a different turn then. We started focusing on getting me mobile again. It was more agony and torture.

I screamed at Jake for being horrible. I shouted at the physio to back off. I cried for hours.

They never backed down, knowing it was what was needed. Jake took everything I threw at him and returned it with love.

Charlie had also been amazing. He brought me my schoolwork so I could keep up and he kept me sane. I knew he wished he could help like Jake did, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to see me in pain. Instead he handled the admin.

Insurance had covered all of my hospital bills but wouldn't cover all of the home adaptions needed. Two weeks before my discharge, the occupational therapist made an assessment of both my ability and his home.

He made many suggestions to help me access everything and to ensure my safety. There were simple thing like ramps, walking sticks and moving furniture, but also more complicated technology which would help. My seizures had lessened but hadn't stopped. They were mostly absence seizures now, but I still got the odd Tonic-clonic seizure. The doctors have said that I am lucky, before every big fit I have felt the aura so have been able to get myself safe.

We were trying various medications to help control the seizures, but so far, the most effective method was to avoid stress. Something which was difficult while recovering. Charlie, Jake and Sue – who had been spending more time with Charlie since the accident and losing her husband – had all been given specialist training. I had attended with them but hadn't paid enough attention to remember what they said.

My memory was another struggle. The lasting damage to my brain had been mild but I still felt slow. I didn't remember things like I used to, but quick whited responses that I had developed with Jake over the last few months were a thing of the past. Following a train of thought from start to finish was nearly impossible. Not to mention my brains inability to give my mouth the right words.

Frustrated. The only work I could used to describe how I felt about my life. The doctors were optimistic that my life would continue to improve, but I was unsure.

So, fight on I did.

It had been a long unrelenting hour. We were working on steps. Jake one side and Beckie the other. Beckie was my physiotherapist. "Come on, just one more step and we can sit down for a break." This may have seemed like a simple request, but it was far from. If I lift my right leg, my left will collapse underneath me, and I lifting my left leg was an incredible challenge. I had mastered the shuffle enough to walk around with the help of my frame or stick, but this was different.

"I can't do this," I said trying to pull myself out of their grasps.

"Good luck getting away from us." Jake said clearly amused. He was great. He always knew if I when I needed to be pushed and when to back off. "We've got your weight, so you won't fall, just try."

I didn't want to try. I didn't want to fail yet again. "Nooooo, just let me go." Of course, he didn't. I leant over to rest my head on his shoulder as I started to cry.

Little by little I started to lift my right leg. They were indeed taking my weight for me and I felt safe. Jacob resembled a body builder. The wolf gene was to thank for that.

"That's it, just a little higher." Beckie pressed. When my foot was on the surface, she continued. "Now push down on that one and lift the other."

"Why don't you do it." I snapped at her.

Realising what I had said with my sharp tongue I turned to apologise. "Sorry, I didn't mean that." I said.

"I understand, keep going for me." She smiled. "That's it, take it low then this young man can take you home."

Home. That sounded good.

I pushed my weight forward and started to straighten my leg, pulling the other up in the process. They still held my weight, but I was achieving the movement.

"Great job Bells!" Jake said when I was stable. "Ready to go now?" He asked. I only had the energy to not. Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me over to the wheelchair I was using for longer distanced and breathed a sigh of relief.

"See you on Monday Beckie. I'll try to bring this one in a better mood." He laughed pointing down at me.

"Thanks." I murmured as he pushed me out of the hospital.

"We have a whole weekend now to relax." Jacob said as we were getting into the car. I was unable to drive anymore and with Dad at work catching up this was the only way I was able to get between my appointments. "What do you fancy doing?"

"I need to catch up on schoolwork, and I bet you do too." I had sunk into the seats, relaxing my body. "You can come hit the books with me."

His face was a look of horror. Homework was obviously not what he had in mind. "Why don't we do something fun." He whined.

"Homework, if we get it done quickly, we can do something fun after. Is there a bonfire this weekend?" I asked. I was enjoying spending more time with the pack around the bonfire.

"Of course, first thing Sunday morning, you up for it." He smiled, preferring this plan. I nodded and looked out the front window, watching the trees go past.

"Bells." I blinked looking at him. He had pulled over and was looking at me.

"Sorry." I said looking down in embarrassment. "What did you say?" I asked.

"I wondered what you wanted to do for dinner. Charlie is working late so we need to sort ourselves out. Did you want to eat out, order in or cook?" He asked starting the engine up again. "And don't apologise, not your fault."

This was true, I had no control over these events, but I still felt guilty. I am told that with time the guilt disappears, but I am not so sure. "Let's just order in pizza. I'm not really hungry anyway."

I saw his worried look. I chose to ignore it.

We drove back and he helped me into the house, settling me on the sofa before moving to the phone. "What you fancy?" He asked.

I simply shrugged and pulled a blanket around me sinking deeper into the sofa.

He must have ordered, but I didn't know what. My mind was elsewhere.

I can't carry on like this. Life if just too hard. I know its all my fault. Please, come back and save me. I need your arms around me to protect me from the world. I beg of you. Anyone, someone come back.

As usual, my thoughts were unanswered. He would never be coming back. He had been very clear in the fact that I would never see any of them again. Part of me whished that he had been lying. I knew he wouldn't.

Tears were rolling down my face when Jacob returned.

"Come here." He said pulling me into his arms. I continued to sob. Grieving for my life, my loss, everything that had been ripped form me. "We'll get you through this. Just trust us and we will get you there. I can't promise that it will be easy, but I can promise you won't do it alone." He whispered.

The soothing nonsense continued until the doorbell rang. "I am going to get the pizza, be back in a moment." He said standing up and making his way to the door.

I felt like a failure. A burden. Why didn't I just die in that fall. It would have made it much easier.

"I can see what you're thinking and you're wrong. It's a challenge now but it will improve." Jacob said looking in my face. "I will always love you, even if its only as a brother. You know Seth feels the same way too. We al love you, you're part of the pack now." He was trying to reassure me. "Enough with the heavy, grab a slice."

I didn't want to eat. Forcing down a mouthful I put it back on the tray ad curled up.

"Thank you for being here Jake." I said.

He simply smiled and nodded.

Life continued like this for some time. I was becoming more independent and was functioning better. I still couldn't be alone, but I found ways to ensure some privacy.

"How do you feel about going back to school kid?" Charlie had asked me out of the blue one day. "Your doctor thinks you are ready for half days if you're interested."

I was shocked. School was something I had been dreaming about for ages. The freedom to move around and do what I wanted without people hovering would be bliss.

"Yes, I am desperate to get back. When do I start? I know there are only a few weeks left of term, but I am mostly caught up now." I sucked int a big gulp of air as Charlie laughed at me.

"Don't forget to breath. We want you to rest for the rest of the week, but you can go back on Monday. I'll drop you off in the morning and Sue will pick you up just before lunch." He said as he moved to pick up his paper. "If you need anything from the store before starting let me know and I can pick it up. Or you can go with Jake."

Charlie had been incredibly pleased about the growing friendship between us. I knew he was interested in it becoming more, more than even Jacob was, but that wouldn't happen right now.

So, here I was. At the front steps. I still needed a stick to be able to move around, but I was able to be independent. The sight hadn't fully come back on my left side but was better. I had been assessed for glassed but they wouldn't have helped. I had learnt to use my hearing more to compensate for the changes.

Everyone was worried about me today but tried not to show it. I just needed to survive the morning. 4 easy classes and then home. I was obviously excused from gym, but part of me was ready to trade out the now weekly torture sessions for what would be a walk in the park in comparison. Charlie had purchased double of all my textbooks. They were left in the classrooms so that I didn't need to carry them around all day. My other set was at home for studying. I also had a small Dictaphone ready to record the lessons.

First class, calculus. Joys. I hated this subject even before my mind went faulty. I rarely understood anything anymore but refused to let it beat me. I was sitting at the front in all lessons now. I needed to be closer to the board to see what was written.

The class slowly filed in behind me. Whispers started almost at once.

"Look, she's back," I heard Lauren say all too clearly. "Months off school after trying to off herself. She never deserved Edward anyway, I bet he is glad he got away while he could."

I will not cry. I told myself. Just ignore her. She is only jealous. But she isn't, what she is saying is true. He did leave because he didn't want me anymore.

The chatter continued, so I just drowned it out. Mike had sat near me and tried to engage me in conversation, but I couldn't do it.

"Settle down, everyone, let's get started." The teacher called. Everyone became silent and the lesson started.

I was pleased that I wasn't as far behind as I thought. 5 minuets before the bell was due to go, the teacher dismissed me. I was leaving early so I wasn't caught in the bustle of the corridors.

"Cripple" Someone coughed behind me.

"That's enough," The teacher said, "Detention at lunch, and if I catch anyone else doing anything like that, they can join him."

I didn't even turn to find out who it was. I simply left and made my way though the school.

I survived the morning and was waiting outside for Sue. She pulled up and I clambered in. One look at my face gave it all away. "That bad?" She asked.

Nodding, I closed the door.

"Let's get you home and fed, we can talk about it later." She said patting me gently on the arm.

We drove in silence.

I had survived high school. My grades weren't as good as I would have liked, but they were good enough to get me into the schools I had applied for.

Most collages were accepting of my late entries. I had received 3 acceptance letters. After much deliberations, discussions and arguments, I had decided to go to Cornell.

"Dad, I earned this. I am fine." I said. "I need to go off to college. Please, will you just let me go."

Charlie was not happy about my plans to move out. He didn't understand why I needed this opportunity. Sue had explained it to him, but his concern as a father always won out.

"I know you do, but why do you need to go so far. You could just go to go Seattle, that way you could stay living at home."

"No dad," I said continuing to pack. "I am going to Ithaca. Everything has been planned, I have my accommodation arrange, support in place. You have looked around. You can't turn around and say no now. Either help me get this stuff into boxes or leave me alone."

We had become much closer with everything that happened, but right now he was doing my head in. I needed a break from this town.

"Fine, what do you want where?"

I smiled, knowing that although he had given up this battle, he would try again. "Thank you, Dad." I said.