Chapter 5: Hard Times

Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears

While we all sup sorrow with the poor

There's a song that will linger forever in our ears

Oh, hard times come again no more

"Momma?"

"Yes sweetie?" Sydney mumbled as she tried to get Noah to hold still long enough to snap his overalls.

"Why can't I play wiff you all day?"

His innocent question made her smile and reach out to run a hand through his dirty blonde hair. Her toddler made a break for it on wobbly legs, giggling before he ran into his grandmother in the hallway. Laura deftly scooped him up and snapped the overall latches into place before entering the room.

"Well, Bill and Michael just showed up, but I say we get some breakfast before we start all that."

Sydney reluctantly nodded and stood, Jake reaching up and asking her to carry him. He'd been more clingy the last few days, never demanding her attention but always making sure that she was aware of what he was doing. Any opportunity that he had, he would have Sydney hold him close or sit on her lap.

Hefting him up, they made their way to the kitchen to make breakfast. "You can make the boys whatever you'd like mom, I'm probably just gonna eat toast."

Laura turned, hand on her hip and a skillet in the other, her hips cocked along with an eyebrow - the classic stance that announced the declaration of motherly advice.

"You'll need your energy for today sweetheart, why don't we make pancakes, eggs, and bacon?"

Sydney sighed, giving her mother the same look. "That may have worked when I was younger, but I'm a mom now too. Besides...with everything I have to talk about I'll have trouble keeping the food down as it is, no matter if it's toast or a continental breakfast."

Noah tugged at his grandmother's shirt, fixing her with bright blue eyes saying, "'cakes?"

With a laugh the small group began to prepare breakfast. Noah helped break the eggs, his favorite job, and Jake helped Laura pour the batter into the skillet. After a hearty pile of food sat on plates atop the kitchen table, the elder Bristow female called out to the men to come and eat something before the day started.

Though the children were oblivious to the tension in the air, they understood that a lack of conversation usually meant that they should be quiet as well. Dutifully they ate their breakfast, bellying up on the syrupy pancakes and cheesy scrambled eggs before politely asking to go upstairs and play with their toys.

After the children had scampered off, Jack finally got a good look at his daughter's plate. " Sydney , you've hardly eaten anything. It's probably going to be a long morning, sweetheart, you should have more than that."

"Dad, I'm fine...um...I'll be fine. I doubt it's going to stay down anyway." Reiterating what she'd already told her mother, she stood and went to brush her teeth before agreeing to meet the men in the library. Her mother went with her in hopes of getting a run down of the boys napping schedule, and to have a small pep talk with her only child.

Catching her in the bathroom, a pale Sydney leaning over the sink taking deep breaths, Laura's heart broke for the millionth time at seeing the pain her daughter was in.

"It'll be okay honey, I know it will. I mean, it might not be okay today...or tomorrow, but it will eventually get better."

Sydney merely nodded, trying to quell the urge to lose the half of the buttered pancake she'd consumed minutes ago. After splashing her face with cool water and brushing her teeth, she was delighted when her mother blatantly changed the subject and began asking about the boys. Catching her up on sleeping schedules, which had been slightly out of whack over the last week, Sydney moved into the boys bedroom to tell them to behave for grandma and snag a couple of hugs and kisses before her day began.

"Boys, I want you to have fun with grandma today, okay? You'll be around the horses so be careful." Noah hugged his mother, smushing a wet kiss against her cheek before scampering off to play with his trucks. Jake however noticed immediately that something was wrong and asked to be picked up.

"Mommy, will you leave us here?"

Frowning and pulling back she fixed her brown eyes on his cerulean orbs, seeing the uncertainty on his little face. "Jakey, why would you think that I'm leaving you? I've just got to spend the day with papa Jack, Michael and Bill to try and figure out what we're going to do about your daddy."

'There's no sense in lying right now, might as well tell him it's about his father.'

"What about daddy? Is he gonna come here?"

"Absolutely not sweetheart, I promise. I'll be with you forever, okay?"

At his shy nod he leaned in and gave her a kiss before holding out his favorite toy - a small plastic Spiderman figure that fit perfectly in the center of his tiny hand. "He's my friend when I'm sad, if you hold him he will give you happy pictures in your head."

Smiling with watery eyes and kissing his forehead, she handed him off to his grandmother before tucking the super hero into the palm of her hand, hoping that her young son was right in his hopes of giving her good thoughts for her day. Trudging off toward the study, a pit of anxiety mixed with fear settled low in her stomach.

'Tis a song, a sigh of the weary

Hard times, hard times come again no more

Many days you have lingered around my cabin door

Oh, hard times come again no more

Jack met her in the hallway outside of his office, and she could hear quiet conversation and shuffling of papers beyond the slightly opened door.

"Now…I know you don't want to do this Sydney, and believe me I'd do it for you if I could, but if at any time you need to take a break, speak up. This doesn't have to be an all day thing."

"Dad…I don't know if I can do this; I don't wanna go in there."

Tears welled up in her eyes, not the first of the day, and her father sent her a small sympathetic smile. "Just remember that once you do this, it'll be in their hands and you won't have to deal with it for a while."

Heaving a sigh and accepting a hug and a kiss, she turned and headed into the room. Stopping, she noticed that her father wasn't moving from his spot in the hallway. In fact – he pulled up a chair and placed it across the hall from the door.

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to be in there with me?" Sounding more like a scared child than ever, panic flashed in her brown eyes. "Dad…I can't do this without you…please be in there with me."

"I can't sweetheart. Bill and Michael have to get this statement from you. And I know you – you'll leave parts out because I'm in the room. I'll be right here, I swear. I'll be here when you're through."

Dropping her hands to her sides she held back a sob and tilted her head to the ceiling, mustering up what courage she had left.

'I have to do this…I have to finish this one little thing. Not…for me…but for the boys. They need me to be stronger that this…'

Wiping at her cheeks she gave Jack one last longing look before stepping into the room.

"Ah, Sydney . Would you close the door please?"

Jack's stomach dropped as Bill's words echoed through the room and out to where he was sitting. He was hoping that he'd at least be able to hear what was being said, despite the fact that he'd told his litter girl that he couldn't. Propping his elbows up on his knees and settling his head into his palms he had only one thing to do –

- wait.

While we seek mirth and beauty

And music light and gay

There are frail ones fainting at the door

Though their voices are silent

Their pleading looks will say

Oh, hard times come again no more

Sydney 's mind was awash with memories.

Some she'd tried to suppress, though they wouldn't be forced out of her conscious mind. Others were more pleasant. Thankfully, Bill was more than happy to sit and talk with her for a while before delving into the specifics of exactly why he and his son were there. While Bill and Sydney talked Michael sat at a laptop on her fathers desk and diligently typed everything down.

"Tell me about your boys. They're awfully cute."

Sydney flashed a genuine smile, relaxing a bit as her hands slid away from their clinched position against the armrests of the cushioned chair.

"Umm…Jake is a little over four and Noah is going to be three in a few months."

"That's great, I can almost remember Michael at that age. They seem very well taught, does Jake do well in school?"

Sydney nodded, "he's top of his class in kindergarten, which as a mom and a teacher made me happy. Fortunately for me his classes were at the school where I teach...taught - so I could easily pick him up and drop him off at his babysitters for the rest of my day."

"What grade do you teach?"

"Well, I worked at a pre-K through 8th grade school, but I was the fourth through eighth English and Literature teacher."

Bill smiled, his posture and voice completely at ease.

'Maybe this won't be so hard after all. If they're gonna take it in stride, I suppose I will too.'

"How long did you live in Los Angeles?"

Sydney did the math, looking away studiously for a moment before turning back with an answer. "Almost six years. We moved there right after we got married."

"Good, good. How was Rick when you first got married? Did he ever show signs of aggression?"

'Damn.'

"Umm…no. I guess he was everything a new husband should be. We went on our honeymoon to Paris and were pretty much normal newlyweds."

"Syd, c'mon, we've gotta go get the pictures from the developer."

"Honey, do you honestly think they're ready yet?" Sydney laughed from behind her magazine as she sat cross-legged on the floor surrounded by dozens of unpacked boxes.

Rick squatted down in front of her, tipping the literature away from her with a wry smile. "I just want to see if they're done. If they're not we can grab lunch."

Hauling her up despite her grousing, they quickly locked the door of their brand new town home and smiled and waved at the new neighbors before jumping in the car. Arriving at the small shopette they found that the pictures were indeed not quite finished, much to Rick's chagrin, so they decided to stop at a deli across the street.

"You know…we could plan a second honeymoon," Rick suggested between bites of his sandwich as his wife rolled her eyes. "What? We had fun didn't we?"

"Of course it was fun, but it technically wouldn't be called a honeymoon, it's what's known as a vacation. Which, may I remind you, that neither of us have time off of work for. Don't worry baby, we'll get time off again soon."

He complied with a grunt, finishing their lunch before they bounced off to the developer once more, finding that the pictures of their honeymoon were finally done. Spending the rest of the afternoon on the living room floor using a box as a dining room table the couple flipped through the hundred or so photos they'd taken while in Paris . Rick's humongous and expensive digital camera took magnificent photos of the scenery, while Sydney's smaller and less expensive camera was used for the fun shots – swimming pools, gardens, and theme parks.

"So there wasn't any time where you and Rick got into an argument and he appeared threatening or threatened you."

"No…not that I can remember. We were surprised when we found out about Jake, but after planning for Noah everything seemed to go smoothly. It wasn't until he was fired from his job that he began drinking."

"When was this?"

"Umm…Noah was about three months old, so a little over two and a half years ago."

Bill nodded as he put on his glasses, his bright green eyes flashing behind the glass lenses as he looked down at several pieces of paper in his hands.

"Could you pin down the exact moment when Rick began showing signs of aggression or began threatening you?"

Sydney thought for a moment, her hands once again moving back to the arms, her fingers digging in.

"It was…right after Noah had his three month checkup…"

Balancing her purse and a carrier in her hands Sydney struggled to open up the front door to the town home. The air outside was hot and sticky, and though the cooling breeze from the ocean was wafting in, it wasn't doing much against the sun reflecting off of the white houses and hot asphalt.

Little Noah cried from behind the shade that was pulled down over the top of his car seat, the heat beginning to get trapped inside with his tiny little body. Jake stood next to his mother with a stuffed dog in his small hands, the two year old more than content to pretend that his puppy was bouncing up and down rather than focus on the heat of mid afternoon.

"I know sweetie, just give mommy a minute. She doesn't have enough hands to do this," she grunted, finally fitting the key into the hole and managing to unlock the front door. Blessedly cool air flowed around them and though the infant's aggravation wouldn't be quelled, Sydney began to feel much better.

Setting her things in the middle of the foyer she opened up his seat and unbuckled him, pulling his hot little body out of the confining space and into the open coolness of the living room. Her eldest scampered off to a pile of large building blocks, pulling the container out to the middle of the floor.

"Oh, Mr. Grumpy, what's gotten into you?"

Carrying him upstairs, he began to calm a bit tucked against his mother's familiar chest. Changing his diaper quickly, she heard the front door open and slam. Not worrying about his clothes, she hurried downstairs.

"Jake, how many times have I said not to open the door?"

His innocent eyes peeked up at her from his spot at his blocks, though her attention was drawn to the broken man sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. A box of office items, photos, a small plant and hand-drawn pictures from Jake sat at his feet.

"Honey, what happened?"

"The bastards fired me."

Sydney gasped, settling Noah in the play pin in the kitchen while asking Jake to go upstairs to his room to find something else to do.

"Why did they fire you baby?"

Crouching down in front of him, it wasn't hard to notice the alcohol smell radiating from his body. She ignored it, trying to convince herself that she'd probably do the same thing if she'd been fired from a job that she'd given over 8 years to.

"They said that I hadn't done enough for the company. That because I hadn't taken that business trip a couple of months ago that I wasn't a necessary part of the team." His voice rose with each slurred word, Sydney rocking back on her heels as she looked at the angry and hurt man in front of her.

"Bastards," was all she could think of to say, startled, she watched as he stood up and picked up his box of items, hurling it across the room into Jake's plastic shelves of toys.

"They didn't give a fuck! I told them I was having a kid…that I needed to be here for you, and this is how they treat a family man? For Christ's sake their motto is 'To Help Better Serve the Family Community'!"

"Easy sweetheart, I know you're upset, but they boys are here. Why don't I drop them off at Becky's and we can talk."

He turned, his eyes flashing angrily. "I lose my fuckng job and all you care about is whether or not the kids hear daddy say a bad word?!"

"No…that's not what I meant, I only meant-"

"I'm going out," he snarled, stalking past her as she stood quickly, setting her hand against his arm.

"Please don't go…look, I'm sorry, I should have been more sensitive. C'mon, let's talk."

Ripping his arm away from her he grabbed his keys from the dining room table and flew out the door, the wood and metal slamming as it met head on from the force of an angry husband.

"So…his first act of aggression wasn't physical."

Sydney shook her head, her mind still lost in the memory of having to calm a crying two year old, letting him know that daddy didn't mean to yell – that he was just angry.

"Did the drinking continue?"

Another nod.

"I mean did the drinking continue that day."

"Yeah, he…I found him passed out in the middle of the living room later that afternoon. I'd taken the boys to the park and then over to their babysitter Becky's for a few hours so I could clean up the mess. He'd gotten back after I'd left, and I found the car in the middle of the lawn and him a mess on the carpet."

"What did you do?"

"I fixed the boys dinner and put them to bed early before I woke him up enough that I could get him onto the couch."

"Was he still angry?"

She shook her head, seeing surprise on Bill's face. "Well, I don't think he remembered that he was angry. He apologized for losing his temper and fell back to sleep, so I just covered him up with a blanket."

"What happened the next day?"

Sydney thought, trying desperately to remember the day following their big blow up. "Ummm…nothing I think. He had a horrible hangover, but he apologized again the next morning and spent time with Jake and Noah before looking for jobs online and in the newspaper."

"And did he come close to finding a job?"

"Yes, a couple of times. But they each ended with a letter that said 'we appreciate your application but we're not looking to hire at this time'."

"And…after he received these letters did he get angry or aggressive?"

"Not toward me…or the boys, but he'd say he needed to go out for a while and end up coming home drunk, bruised and bleeding. I just figured that he'd get his aggression out in meaningless bar fights, but it got so bad that I had to go and get him out of jail one night. I…I guess…after that…was when it got physical."

"When was this and how did it happen?"

"Jake, please hold still," Sydney laughed as she tried valiantly to get the squirming two and a half year old to sit still so she could get his pajamas on.

"I'ma roo!" Giggling, he proved his point by jumping up and down a few times, Sydney having to abandon connecting the zipper from one side of the footie pajamas to the other.

"Okay roo, you can't sleep without p.j's. so let's get these on."

"Nekkid,"

"No, little roo, we're not gonna sleep naked. That's why grandma and papa got you these pajamas."

"Roo's no 'jammas!" he grumbled, crossing his little arms over his chest.

Deciding that he wasn't upset at having to put his pajamas on, that he was merely upset at not getting a chance to do what he wanted, Sydney caved a little bit.

"Do you want to do it?"

This aroused his interest, and he quickly nodded his head and reached down for the zipper.

"Zip zip!"

Sydney laughed, guiding his fingers to the correct spots before helping him hook the zipper into the partnering spot. "Now pull up, roo,"

With ease, the zipper traveled up his leg, twisting around to the front up and over his stomach before ending at the level of his collarbones.

"Good job! Now, let's get you into bed."

Flying him up the stairs and into his little car shaped bed she smiled across the room at a sleeping Noah. "I love you. Promise me you'll stay in bed and not come out, okay? You've got your talkie right here, so if you need me you can just ask and I'll hear you through my talkie."

Picking up and holding out his monitor she switched it on, making sure he'd be able to use it if he got scared or had to go to the bathroom. Potty training was going well…but not through the night. The installation of a rubber protective mat to go over his bed became essential, as did pull-up diapers when he was sleeping.

"Nite momma, lub!"

"Love you too, little roo."

Closing the door to the nursery she jogged down the steps to begin laundry. Running around the house and gathering the dirty clothes from each room, waiting until the very end to get the kids clothes so that she wouldn't disturb her son while he was trying to get to sleep, she carried the large basket to the basement laundry room.

Her only indication that Rick was home was the slam of the front door. Sighing, she knew she was probably in for a long night of fixing her husbands bumps and bruises and then have to be up for Noah's 1 a.m. feeding between loads of wash. Finishing loading up the washing machine, she left everything else downstairs before making her way up to the kitchen.

The fridge was open, and though she couldn't see him she could hear him.

"Damn it, I'm hungry." His voice was slurred, and as she turned and picked up his jacket from its current position in the middle of the living room floor, she immediately noticed the bloodstains on the front.

"Well, you missed dinner."

"Yeah, but you can still make me something, can't you?"

"I don't know Rick, I haven't had time to go to the store this week so we're pretty low on food. We might have to wait until the weekend because I get paid on Friday."

"So what, I have to starve because you won't go to the store?"

Sydney's temper flared, though she pushed it down knowing that he'd be more than content to argue since he was drunk. "It's not that I don't want to go, I just don't have time. I'm trying to get a lesson plan together for the new school year, get Jakey enrolled for preschool, keep the house clean and raise the kids. I'm sorry I can't always do something the second you snap at me to do it."

"Where the hell is this coming from?"

"I'm tired of this, Rick! You're not doing anything to help get yourself a job. Did you go to your interview today?"

"Yeah…they…they said they'd give me a call. It looked…very promising."

Shaking her head at his slurred statement, she walked over to the answering machine and pushed the large green button.

'Hello, Mr. Montgomery, this is Margaret over at the James Company. You had an appointment today for 11:45 to apply for the manager position that's open and we didn't see you for the appointment. If you need to call and verify another day or time, you can call me at-'

With a beep Sydney cut off the message. "Have you been going to any of these interviews? Or have you just been wasting time and money at a bar?"

"Who the hell do you think you are? You can't tell me what I can and can't do."

"You're the reason we don't have any food in the house, Rick! You're being so selfish about this whole thing! You got fired – SO WHAT? Get off of your ass and do something about it! I can't raise this family on my own, pal, you need to help. And that means getting a job, doing it, and being here to support your kids."

A loud slap resonated through the kitchen, the stinging of Sydney 's cheek her first indication that something had happened. The shocked look on Rick's face as mirrored in her own, though that changed as tears filled her eyes as she stared at the man that a rough patch in life had changed so much.

"God…Syd…I'm…I'm so sorry, sweetie…I just snapped."

She backed away, lifting up his coat and handing him his keys. Getting the message quickly he gathered his things up and walked outside to his haphazardly parked car.

'Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave

'Tis a wail that is heard upon the shore

'Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave

Oh, hard times come again no more

'Tis a song a sigh of the weary

Hard times come again no more

Many days you have lingered 'round my cabin door

Oh, hard times come again no more

After giving the young woman a few minutes of silence, the elder Vaughn continued. "What happened after that?"

Sydney 's grip on the chair grew as she remembered walking blindly through tears to the nearest bathroom and staring for almost an hour at the red finger marks on her cheek. The shock hadn't dissipated, and she wasn't quite sure if it ever would.

"It…hurt."

Bill noticed immediately that Sydney 's mind wasn't with them at the moment, and felt that she may need a break. Gesturing over to Michael who'd stopped typing at her quiet utterance, he signaled for a glass of water and the young man hurried to comply.

"I…I couldn't believe that he'd hit me. I - I never thought that he'd become that kind of guy, you know? I never saw it coming."

"Sydney , most women don't. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Why don't we take a break?"

"But it wasn't the only time…he - he did it more often. He'd come home angry and I - I had to put the boys to bed earlier and earlier…and he just didn't care." Her eyes overflowed as she began to sob through her words, Michael reentering and closing the door after setting a hand to a worried Mr. Bristow's shoulder.

"Sydney- "

"Slaps turned to punches…and – and kicks, and I just…I didn't want to believe it. How…how could love turn so," searching for the right word, her fingers turning white against their grip of the armrests, Bill sat at a loss.

'This is Jack's field, he's the psychologist, not me.'

"-so angry? I didn't even…even try to stop him. I just made sure th-that the boys weren't around for it."

Memories quickly assaulted her mind. Rick finding out she'd scheduled interviews for him – and the black eye and broken rib that followed. Rick opening the check that she'd gotten from her father after asking for help with rent that month – and the broken, jagged piece of a mirror that lie embedded in her arm after its jaunt across the room and against the wall she'd been backed into.

Her eyes flitted to the scar that was merely a faint white streak across the side of her lower arm, starting above her wrist and moving four inches toward the crook of her elbow.

"Sydney…let's stop." Michael's voice snapped her out a bit, her confused, swollen, and red eyes looking up at him as he walked over with the glass of water in his hand. "Okay? Why don't we stop? You can go check on the boys?"

She dumbly nodded, though she couldn't help from keeping her fingers from tracing a scar here and there. Sobs wracked her body, and Michael did the only thing he could.

He set the water down, knelt in front of the chair, and hugged her.

…