Chapter 14: 'H' Is For Honesty
A knock sounded on the door, echoing through the open living space and pulling Michael's head up from his paperwork with a frown. He rose and sighed moving to the door and looking through the peephole. He paused for a moment thinking that he may have been able to not answer and the man on the other side would leave assuming he wasn't home.
"I know you're home, Vaughn. You're looking at me right now wondering if you could just ignore me and I'll go away. I have a key. I could come in or you could let me in, but either way I'm coming in to drink all or some of this beer. You pick."
Michael grinned and pulled the door open as his best friend hustled in.
"'Working from home' for the third time this week, eh? So here I am with dinner, courtesy of my wife, and beer, courtesy of me."
"Eric, you don't have to keep coming over and trying to rescue me each time I get into a funk."
"Yes I do. You would literally die if we didn't save you every time you got into a funk. Not to mention, this funk is the longest funk you've ever funked." Eric flopped down onto the couch setting the twelve pack of beer onto the coffee table, a bag in his hand filled with spicy-smelling food in tupperware.
Vaughn joined him, tossing his feet up and popping open a beer before reaching for the food. "What would I do without you," he mumbled sarcastically as he opened the lid and saw the tamales, his stomach reacting with a growl as he realized that he'd skipped eating after breakfast.
"So…what is it about this particular girl this particular time?"
Michael got a wistful look on his face as memories went flying through and he smiled. "She's just amazing. Strong, caring, beautiful…the whole package wrapped neatly into one person."
Belching as he took a long drink of the ale, "so if she's the whole package, why are you not at the very least hittin' that?" He chuckled at Vaughn's disgruntled look.
"It's not like that. It's – Sydney is – she just – she's perfect."
"Bullshit."
"No really. Perfect."
Eric rolled his eyes and downed the rest of the beer. "No one person is perfect. You're just thinking of the experience behind rose-colored glasses."
"Maybe," Michael conceded verbally, not mentally. "Whatever; nothing is going to come of it anyway. It's been two and a half months and she's had a lot of shit happen in her life so she's looking to move into the future which, believe me, doesn't include a man any time soon. It's timing, man. And sometimes the timing is off."
"So you're not even gonna try? Just…call her up one day and just say, 'hey I'm into you, let's get coffee'?"
"Nope. She was a client so I behaved myself-"
"By making out with her in a hotel," Eric interjected with a grin.
"-and now that she's not a client any longer the timing has passed and she's moving on." Michael shrugged, though an air of sadness never really left his eyes.
Eric gave him a little bit of space for a moment, choosing instead to get up and walk into the kitchen to grab him silverware to eat the dinner his wife had prepared. They sat in silence while Michael ate, Eric waiting for him to be done before pressing.
"Tell me one honest thing while I'm here tonight and I won't ask you about her again."
A few long minutes of silence passed until Vaughn acquiesced.
"I miss her. I know I only knew her for a few weeks, and the only meaningful time we spent together was when her abusive husband died and we packed her entire house in two days, I know that. But…I miss her voice, her laugh, her dimples…I miss her kids. I wish I'd been there when she had her miscarriage because when my dad told me, it took everything I had to stay home and not rush upstate to just give her a hug. I can't get rid of the feeling that I need to protect her and her kids from anything and everything." Vaughn blurted out, the sincerity in his best friends eyes making him look away as tears welled up and blurred his vision.
Eric set a hand to Michael's shoulder and squeezed. "So what are you gonna do about Saturday?"
"I don't know, man. You can't possibly know how bad I wanna go, but I just…I just feel like it would be a kick in the heart going there and then leave with nothing at the end of the night."
"Can you take a plus one? Because I'll go with you if you want; I'll be your moral support or your wingman. Plus – I love fireworks and I've heard that up there you can see fireworks from like three different towns."
Michael laughed and finished his second beer, Eric popping the top on another and passing it over as he opened his own replacement and took a swig. "That's not a bad idea, I'm tempted."
"Seriously, man. I'll go with you."
Vaughn nodded, thrown off when Eric leaned forward and pointed his finger in his direction. "I'll go, but you have to talk to Sydney's dad about your shit."
Choking on the mouthful of beer he'd been swallowing, he fixed incredulous eyes on his friend. "Seriously? You think I should tell Jack Bristow that I need his advice because I'm in love with his daughter?"
"I dunno man – you just used the 'L' word. I'll go if you talk to him about it. What if he tells you that she's been pining over you the same way? What if she's just as miserable without you as you are without her?"
'Not likely.' Michael threw out a resigned sigh. "Fine. You go with me to be my buffer if I need it, and I'll talk to Jack."
…
Sydney and Laura were laughing and chatting as they walked through the front door, arms laden with bags of food for the Fourth of July celebration her parents hosted every year. It would be the first time since Noah was born that Sydney and Jake was there for the event and it made them both very excited. He didn't remember much but the 'loud lights in the sky over the hill' was essentially the finale of the evening, so he was remembering the best parts.
Jack greeted them along with Jake, Noah on his hip, and the five-year old offered to help carry bags. They loaded him up with the buns and bread, his comment that he felt like a superhero making the adults chuckle.
Laura went upstairs to put the boys down for a nap as Sydney set out getting the food stuffs sorted. A few minutes went by until she noticed that her father was leaning against the counter opposite where she was standing, his jaw chewing as he munched on some baby carrots.
"What?"
"Bill and his wife RSVP'd for the barbecue tonight." He saw a slight frown mar her forehead a split second before it disappeared and she flashed a bright, dimpled smile.
"That's great! It's been weeks since we've seen Bill, it'll be nice to say hi." She brushed past him to get to the fridge, pulling the now opened bag of baby carrots from his hands and closing it up as it was tossed into a drawer with the celery, broccoli, and snap peas they'd purchased for the snack tray.
Jack studied her face with a half-smile, his eyes never leaving her features until she sighed exasperatedly and turned to face him, one hand on her hip as the other held the chopping knife for the peppers they'd be grilling along with the burgers.
"What?"
"You just had this little flash of a frown on your face."
"What? When?"
"Just then."
"Because you're driving me crazy?"
"No, it wasn't that."
"Dad-" she warned, turning away from him and resuming her chopping. She knew what he was digging at, and she was experiencing yet another chance to regret her moment of weakness for turning to him and admitting she'd had feelings for the younger of the Vaughn's a few days after the miscarriage. Pain medication apparently made her confess her deepest secrets, and while her father had been so supportive at the time, he'd been hounding her about her expressed feelings several times a week for the last two months.
"It's just a curious observation, that's all." He reached over and grabbed a piece of the pepper and popped it into his mouth.
She stopped with a heavy sigh and squeezed her eyes closed as she had an internal war of words in her mind.
'Just ask if Michael is coming.'
'No.'
'But you really want to know.'
'So?'
'He'll tell you if you ask.'
'Of course he will.'
"Is Michael coming?" Her voice was quiet and she didn't look up to meet her father's gaze, merely staring at the half chopped green pepper under her hand.
"Yep." Jack saw her shoulders relax as she turned to flash an annoyed look in his direction.
"You love this, don't you?"
"I love trying to keep you honest," he admitted.
She sighed. "What am I not being honest about, dad? It's been two and a half months and…literally nothing came of any of it. It was a – a moment of emotional insecurity."
"Don't you quote me back to me, young lady," he chastised with a laughing voice.
She rolled her eyes to the ceiling before she pointed the knife in his direction, "don't test me, father."
"Look, sweetheart. You are the only person that can do anything about how you feel. If you genuinely don't feel anything any longer because it was, as you say 'a moment of emotional insecurity', then why worry about tonight?"
"Please, you know it's not up to me. It's up to mom," she laughed.
"What's up to me?" Laura commented as she walked into the kitchen, Jack and Sydney both ending the conversation and going about their business of chopping vegetables and consuming said chopped vegetables. "Oh no you don't. You guys don't get the play the silent game," she scolded, a hand on her hip in much the same position Sydney had held mere moments earlier.
"It's nothing, mom. Dad is trying to shrink me, can you tell him to stop?"
"Jack, don't shrink your daughter."
"Sorry," he tossed his hands up and left the kitchen with a knowing smile on his face as Laura helped Sydney with the food preparations.
…
'You've been standing in this room for ten minutes. You're fretting over an outfit for a barbacue, not a fundraising gala. Why is this taking so long?'
Sydney's brain was overloaded as she stood in front of the mirror staring at her reflection in a matching black lace bra and panty set.
'Why are you wearing your sexy underwear? What do you think is going to happen at your mom and dad's barbecue?'
She grumbled and tossed up her hands, leaving on the underwear set before grabbing her shorts and a v-neck t-shirt. The jean shorts came to mid-thigh and were comfortable, which was all Sydney was honestly looking for in her outfit for the night.
Guests filed in, a dozen people at least filling the back patio and deck with Jack standing at the grill among several other older gentlemen from the town as they discussed the proper ways to cook the various meats and veggies over the flames.
Sydney stood with Laura and the other wives and mothers, a few bringing their children or grandchildren as they ran around the yard with a soccer ball shrieking and giggling. Many families were in attendance, but as Bill and his wife Emily walked through the house making an entrance in the backyard, butterflies danced in Sydney's stomach so much so she was more than happy to run and grab something from the kitchen for her father when he hollered.
Giving Bill a hug and placing a kiss on Emily's cheek, Sydney dashed inside, loose strands of her hair falling around her cheeks and neck from the quick bun she'd made at the top of her head in an effort to get her hair away from her face as she and her mother prepped food.
Closing the sliding glass door behind her she turned quickly to make her way into the kitchen and ran headlong into a tall man's chest, the beer in the mug sloshing up and over the two of them as he reached a hand out to steady the shocked woman in front of him. Her white v-neck t-shirt was soaked at the front, her black bra showing through as drips of the amber liquid fell from her chin, the man's blue button-up shirt a shade darker down his chest and stomach.
"Oh shit…I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention at all," the man immediately apologized as Sydney laughed and shook her arms, more of the beer flying off of her fingertips. "You – you must be Sydney?"
"Yeah, sorry for the rude welcome," she waved him into the kitchen and tossed him a hand towel as she pulled her another out from a drawer next to the fridge. After wiping her arm and hands she held out her palm in greeting.
"Eric Weiss. I'm here with Bill and Michael."
Butterflies again. "Well, thanks for coming."
"What the hell happened here?" Michael's voice made them both turn around as the towels were dabbed against faces with a chuckle here and there.
"Oh you know – when I make an entrance it's like the Kool-Aid man busting through a wall." Eric gestured to him and Sydney pointing at nearly empty mug of beer on the table.
Michael's eyes however were drawn to Sydney, her dimples out in full force as she wiped at her forehead and neck. The t-shirt wasn't hiding much from his imagination, and he tried to push away the blush that was creeping up from his neck to his cheeks.
"I'm gonna go grab another shirt. I'll see what my dad has, Eric, maybe something will fit."
As she passed Vaughn his mouth was dry and words were stuck in his throat. She handed him the towel and responded to his confused look with a grin and a nod to the beer spilled on the floor. "Before my mother sees, that should get mopped up. It's good to see you," she squeezed his arm before heading up the stairs to change.
He stood for a moment looking up the steps, a silly grin on his face until he was hit on the side of the head with Eric's wet hand towel, turning and glowering at the man now leaning against the back of a kitchen chair and watching his friend with a wide smile.
"That's Sydney?" His voice was a whisper as Vaughn rolled his eyes and knelt to wipe up the splattered mess on the floor.
"Yes – that's Sydney. What did you do?"
"Ease up, we bumped into each other; accidents happen. Man…if I wasn't married," he heard the forced chuckle as Michael stood up and made his way to the sink to wash out the towel.
Upstairs Sydney had pulled off the wet shirt before flopping back onto the bed. "Really? 'Good to see you'? That was all you could say?" Her voice was a whisper and she tossed an arm across her face with a groan.
Lying there for a moment she sighed before getting up and grabbing a new shirt, dark blue this time just in case another spill occurred. Balling it up into her hand she tossed open her door and intended to make her way toward the bathroom and wash up before rejoining the party.
She hurried into the hallway as Michael hit the top step, their eyes meeting for a moment until his diverted to the floor and hers rolled up to stare at the ceiling as her hands flopped down to her sides. "I'm standing here mostly naked, aren't I?"
"Yeah."
"That's perfect. 'Scuse me," she mumbled as she finished her walk of shame to the bathroom to his right, the door closing behind her. He swore he heard a thump against the wood but pushed past it as he shook his head, making his way to the linen closet in the hallway and grabbing replacement towels for the kitchen.
Sydney stood with her forehead against the cool wood as her face burned in embarrassment. "Tonight is just gonna be one of those nights I guess," she grumbled as she ran a wet cloth over her face and chest, pulled the shirt over her head before straightening her hair back into the loose bun and heading back downstairs.
Thankfully the boys had left the kitchen, the beer cleaned up, and she walked with determined strides to fill up a glass of wine and rejoin the party. She made it back out, her father holding up his hands at the grill and reminding her that her whole goal was to go inside and get the hot dogs, not crash into Vaughn's guest before flashing Michael in the hallway.
The food was delicious, and Laura's homemade barbecue sauce was the talk of the night, but she wasn't giving away any secrets. For an hour Michael had been ignoring Eric's subtle and not so subtle hints to get Jack alone for a moment so they could talk, and at that precise moment the man was walking into the house.
"You promised," Eric growled, Michael relenting and setting down his drink to follow after the older man.
He caught him as he was ascending the stairs, Jack surprised to see Michael calling after him. "Jack – could…could I chat with you for a moment?"
"Of course, son. Come on up, I was going to grab that new paperwork on my desk for your father."
His office was comfortable, the leather furniture warm and soft as he sat in the chair across from Jack's desk. "Oh…it's one of those kinds of chats," Jack lightened the mood seeing the worry lines on the young man's forehead.
Michael laughed for a moment though his stomach still felt filled with lead and he couldn't keep his hands from fidgeting in his lap. Jack pulled his office chair around and sat in front of the nervous young man, his hands clasped and propped on his knees as he left his posture open and inviting.
"I don't really know how to start talking here," Vaughn admitted, unable to meet Jack's gaze.
"Just be honest. What's on your mind? Take your time, I charge by the hour."
A moment of silence passed as Michael gathered his thoughts and finally looked forward. "I…I'm in love and I don't think I should be in love."
"Ah. Why shouldn't you be in love?"
"I don't know, Jack – I just feel like I screwed stuff up and then didn't do anything to fix it."
"Pretending that I have no clue who or what you're referring to, why can't you fix what you've screwed up?"
Silence. "Because I waited too long."
"Waiting doesn't mean you've missed the boat. That can't be why you feel the opportunity for a relationship has slipped through your fingers."
"I mean…I just didn't call her. I…finished up the job and just left."
Jack nodded and sat back as he folded one arm up and set his temple against his fist to rest his head. "You're not being honest right now."
Michael finally met his eye expecting to see conflict but instead just saw the warm and friendly blue stare as they tried to get Michael to admit what he didn't at all want to admit. He sighed and for the first time since walking in his hands stopped fiddling, though the wrinkles on his forehead stayed in place.
"I'm in love with your daughter, Jack."
The older man smiled and nodded. "Who isn't? She has a way of making you care. Tell me about my daughter."
Confusion flashed across Michael's face. "What?"
"Tell me about her as if I've never met her. You say you love her – which I'm not doubting – but what about her is worth loving?"
"I don't – I don't see what you're getting at, Jack."
He smiled, "that's why I'm the shrink and you're in that chair."
Michael looked away, suddenly fascinated by a loose string on his jeans. "I don't know what you want me to say."
Jack sighed, "I'm not pressuring you to say anything you don't want to say. But if you want to have a serious conversation about having a relationship with my daughter, you're going to have to do better than this, Michael. So – tell me about Sydney."
Memories washed across the young man's mind and he instantly recalled the first minute he laid eyes on the frazzled woman hurrying through the airport late at night with two young children and a purpling bruise under her left eye. Her strength and determination that night on the flight impressed him greatly, and after she'd fallen asleep he'd taken more and enough time to memorize the elegant features of her face.
"That. Right there." Michael's eyes snapped back into focus and he jumped at the sudden strong, yet quiet, outburst from Sydney's father. "That stupid grin that you just got on your face tells me everything that I needed to know."
"But I didn't-"
"You didn't need to. Michael…the only thing that's keeping you from having a conversation with my daughter is you. I'll concede that it's a two-way street and she could have easily sought contact with you over the last two and a half months as well, but that could mean one of two things: she doesn't share your feelings and that's why she didn't initiate the conversation, or she's in the same boat you are filled with regret and hesitation."
"You know the answer to that, don't you?"
"Yes I do."
Michael nodded as he flashed a grin, "can I get a hint?"
"It's not my information to divulge. But if you're granted the opportunity, talk with Sydney tonight. If anything…do it for yourself. But be honest with yourself as well as her. It'll fall apart if you check your honesty at the door."
Michael honestly felt better, the worry lines on his forehead disappearing as he stood and helped Jack up. "Thanks, Mr. Bristow."
Scolding him for using a proper name they laughed and exited the study, Michael taking the manila folder of paperwork and sliding it into his father's coat hanging in the hallway. Jack sent Michael off to rejoin the party as he made his way into the living room to pile up blankets on the edge of the couch and prep for the trek.
Soon enough everyone gathered their things and made their way up the big hill at the end of the Bristow's property. There the overlook of the town was the best spot around to see the fireworks that they set off at the high school. Noah was cranky, ten o'clock several hours past his bedtime, but he didn't want to go to bed if everyone else was staying up, so he contented to sit on Sydney's hip with his blonde head resting on her shoulder, two chubby fingers twirling a lock of her hair as he looked at whomever she was chatting with, his big blue eyes studious.
Jake tugged at Michael's hand getting his attention, "Michael, can you carry me on your shoulders?"
The man acquiesced instantly, handing his soda off to Eric as he hefted the boy up onto his shoulders and the group made their way across the fields and up the large slope. Everyone got settled, Jack looking around for a moment, Sydney peering up from her spot on the grass with Noah on her lap.
"You forget something dad?"
"We left the blankets in the living room," he grumbled, flopping with a grunt and a wince next to Laura on the installed bench. "Could you run and get them Sydney? My knees aren't what they used to be," he asked.
"Of course," she hopped up, Noah being transferred to his grandmother's lap.
"Oh, and the flashlights. They're in the kitchen."
Sydney stopped and waited for a moment, "anything else?"
"I'd love a beer," he flashed a warm smile.
"Do you need help carrying anything?" Eric offered sticking his elbow into Michael's ribs as his friend tossed him a surprised look. "Michael loves to carry things."
Vaughn laughed and rose, knowing it was better now than never. "I'd be happy to help. I've been slacking these last couple of months anyway."
The trek down the hill was silent, both parties gathering their thoughts. Halfway to the house they both broke the quiet at the same time, "Michael," – "Sydney-", a laugh loosening the tension.
"I – we should talk."
…