I do not own Twilight.

To: Carlisle Cullen

From: Rosalie Cullen

Date: 09th Oct 2006

Hey,

You won't believe it, but we've actually managed to check all of the North American homes in just over a week. Emmett is on a mission to be home by thanksgiving. Thankfully I'm not human so don't suffer from blisters, but he's not even wanting to stop at night. The idea of finding Edward is definitely not growing on him. Not that I blame him, do you really want him home?

The Denali's say hi. They said he was with them for a short while, but they haven't seen in him months. Apparently, he didn't look great. They managed to get him to feed but other than that they said he was a loose cannon. No red eyes though, which I suppose is a good thing.

Bumped into some nomads, they haven't seen him but said they'd let us know if they do. Peter and Charlotte asked us to pass on a hello to Jasper and Alice. They knew of Victoria and apparently were unsurprised that Edward couldn't catch him. She has a talent for evasion. They asked if they could stop by soon, didn't know how to answer without mentioning Bella as you said, so they might be in contact soon. Peter seemed to know something was off though.

We haven't seen any evidence that Edward has spent any time at these houses. Let Esme know that all the houses are alright, no major issues she needs to be worried about, but the Denver house might need more work than usual. Seems it has become a hang out for the homeless.

We haven't been to Forks. I know you said to check it out, but the wolves were scouting the entire area and we didn't want to start a battle outnumbered. I doubt they are prepared to just ignore everything that happened with Bella. Emmett was all for trying to take them, but I convinced him we shouldn't. We can always go back at the end.

How is everything your end?

Rosalie

Alice

"I'm going to do it," I tell Jasper randomly one day.

He looks up from the deer he had been draining with utter confusion. "What are you going to do?"

"I am going to talk to Bella."

Jasper smiles at me with a nod and returns to his meal. We'd had this conversation many times since my sort of discussion with Rosalie. Unsurprisingly, I haven't yet spoken to her.

"I mean it, I'm really going to do it this time," I say determined.

"That's great news, do you know what you're going to say?" he teases.

The correct answer here would be no, I have no idea what I am going to say, but I can't stand that smug look. "Of course, I know what to say." I tell him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and plant a kiss on his lips. "But, say that I didn't, any suggestions?"

"How about starting with hi?"

"Be helpful," I scowl. At his slightly laugh I turn to walk away from him.

"Wait up." He grasps my arms gently and turns me back around. "I'm sorry." He plants another gentle kiss to my mouth. "I just don't think this is something you can plan out in advance. I know you are struggling without knowing the outcome, but until you pick up the phone and speak to her, she doesn't have the opportunity to make a decision. This is up to you."

He's right, I know he's right, I just can't stand going in blind. "What do I do first though? I have to get it perfect; everything could rest on getting this just right. What if – " He cut me off.

"Stop over thinking this. You're worrying about nothing. Out of everything in the world, the last thing you should be worried about is a conversation with Bella. Have you not seen the size of her heart? If she got run over by a car, she'd turn around and apologise to them." He catches my gaze which I had been averting. "It's just Bella."

I look down, unable to cope with his understanding face any longer. It is just Bella. I shouldn't be scared of a simple conversation with Bella. "It's not Bella though," I whisper. "She's changed. She's just so broken, and it's all our fault. I was her friend and I just abandoned her. What sort of friend does that?"

"You didn't have a choice, none of us did."

"Because of Edward's lies. That makes it worse, how could I have believed his message so easily. I should have known her better than that. I should have known to ask the story from her."

I couldn't help feeling responsible for this mess. Why did I stop watching them so closely? I know the reasons I gave myself at the time, privacy, no risk, better things to do, but they were all unfounded. If I had been watching more closely, if I'd checked the outcome of us leaving more closely, if I'd, if I'd…

Jasper breaks through my thoughts. "You are not responsible. I'll say it over and over until you accept it. Everyone made their own choices; we cannot change the past and contemplating what ifs doesn't' help anyone."

I look nervously up at his face, I know he is right, it's just so hard to accept. "I know, I just hate that this is our fault."

"Yes, it is our fault, the family's fault. The blame does not lie entirely with you." He smirks, "So, what are you going to do first?"

"I need to call her?" His face isn't impressed by my questioning response. "I'm going to call her." This time it is a statement.

"Great." He smiles at me waiting. "You're going to need a phone to call her."

"Oh, yeh." I dig out my cell phone and stare blankly at the scene. "What do I say to her? I don't know her at all anymore. I don't know what she likes."

"Don't act any differently, she's still Bella. What would you have done with her before?"

I smile, knowing exactly what we would have done but also knowing that Bella hates it. "Shopping. I can invite her shopping." Even as I say it, I know that there isn't any energy behind my words. "How can I just act like nothing has changed?"

"She is still Bella. You need to realise that although some things have changed, she is still the same person. All you need to do is dial and say hey."

I hesitate staring at the screen, trying to think of any plausible reason why I shouldn't do this, but at a nudge from Jasper I dial.

First ring, I'm nervous.

Second ring, should I hang up?

Third ring, I'm going to hang… She answered.

"Hello?" She sounds normal, like Bella.

"Hey, Bella? It's Alice."

"Yes, your name comes up. What's up?" Her voice seems excited, but is that because I called or from something else?

I need to reply. I'm blank, I hadn't worked out what to say after this point. I glance at Jasper and manage to splurge, "Wanttogoshopping?"

Jasper is laughing at my inability to speak; it's a rare occurrence and he's clearly enjoying himself. I stick the end of my tongue out at him and turn my back. He can go to hell.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I know, I was asking if you wanted to go shopping with me. Maybe next week?"

"Oh, I, Umm, I'm not sure."

I freeze. I knew it, she hates me. She doesn't want to see me.

"Relax, find out why before you go jumping to conclusions," Jasper whispers to me.

I nod to him, that's a good idea. I need words to be able to ask. How can the entirety of the English language be evading me?

Just as I am about to open my mouth and reply, Bella, having clearly sensed my stress, speaks. "Alright, I suppose I could manage a short trip. Nothing too fancy though and I'm paying for myself."

So, she doesn't hate me? I'm so confused.

"We don't have to; I mean if you're busy or something."

"No, no. How's next Thursday afternoon? I'll meet you on campus." Oh yes, the Diana issue, how had I forgotten about that.

"I can do Thursday." It's ten days away, but she actually wants to meet me. To Jaspers great amusement, I start bouncing in my seat. "Oh you'll love it, there's this amazing new shop you'll love. They've got a great selection of jackets in and they'll be just perfect for you. Ooo, and we could go to the shoe…" she interrupts my rambling.

"I'm sorry I can't stay and chat now, I need to get this work done before tomorrow. I finish class at 1:30, so I'll meet you in the parking lot any time after that."

"Oh, yes, sorry. I'll see you soon. Bye Bella." I hang up the phone. Eeeeee!

"Alright, enough with the screaming," Jasper laughs. "She is going with you, you've got a plan, calm down."

Is he joking, calm down? This is the most exciting day ever. There's so much to plan, so many shops, so many things I've seen that she needs to try on.

"Alice, you need to calm down for a moment." I glare at him in confusion. "I know you're excited and probably planning. You need to remember that she's different now. She won't be able to keep up with your usual speed, not that any human could."

Again, he's right. In my excitement I'd completely forgotten the previous worries. I need to keep a check on myself. I will not do anything to jeopardise this chance.

Jasper, as always, recognises my distress and fixes it. "I need another deer before we go, want to join me?"

Still angry with myself for having gotten carried away, I grudgingly follow him.

It's Thursday morning and I shouldn't be this nervous.

Over the last week, I'd made an effort to talk to Bella, though I would rather forget the first time. It was so awkward that I'd practically run from her. Every move she made, even the way she looked at me, had been a constant reminder of my failings. I hadn't given up though, Jasper has insisted that I just needed to spend more time with her.

Of course, I couldn't always approach her, especially when around her housemate. That would have been asking for trouble. No, instead I caught her in the line for drinks or at the bus stop, where she adamantly refused help getting home.

Her stubbornness, one thing that hadn't changed; it made it easier in some ways.

But, before I meet her, I need to talk to Carlisle. I'm terrified that something will happen, and I won't know what to do or make it worse. So, here I am standing in front of his office door, building my courage to knock. Only Esme is in the house so it's perfect timing.

Hesitating for another second, I finally raise my fish and wrap on the door.

"Come in," Carlisle chuckles from the other side. It's unsurprising, out of everyone in the house, I don't think I ever knock on doors, instead checking the future and walking in. Maybe I should change that, it's kinda rude.

I hesitantly step in and scowl at his amused expression. "If you're going to laugh, I can just leave."

"No, don't leave, I was simply amused that you didn't even knock that first day you moved in. I still think fondly on that day." He puts his book down and sits up straighter. "How can I help? I'm guessing this is about Bella."

"Yeah, I just… what if something happens? What do I do?" My words are rushed.

Carlisle gestures to the chair behind his desk and smiles to me. "Don't worry, it's unlikely anything will happen."

"But, say it does, then what?"

"Well, the best advice is to give her space. Don't try to hold her down or do anything to her, she'll come around in her own time. There isn't anything you can do in that moment. If she gets hurt, or it lasts longer than five minutes, then call an ambulance for help, but from what she told me, she hasn't needed an ambulance before."

I twiddle my thumbs in my lap, a human habit I'd picked up long ago when nervous. "Could she die?"

"She could. Sudden death from epilepsy does happen, though it is usually only when they do not have their condition controlled. Which I'll stress, Bella does." He pauses. "You could ask her about it."

I stare at him blankly. Ask her about this? Surely, he's gone mad.

"You can, most people would rather educate others than be judged. Not that you are judging her." He hurriedly adds on the end. "It's part of her life, just like when she first came into our world and had buckets of questions about us."

"Maybe, it doesn't seem like something anyone would want to talk about though, maybe I shouldn't."

"That's just stigma. You don't have to ask her, but she can explain it in a way I never could. I've been considering talking to her myself."

"Forever the scientist Carlisle," I joke.

He looks abashed, "Indeed, old habits die hard. Just make sure you take it easy. If you want to go crazy shopping, I'm sure someone else will go with you. Try to stick to only a few shops and sit down lots."

"I know, I am going to get this right. I'd better leave soon else I'll be late."

"You've got two hours; you aren't going to be late." He laughs as I dance out the room, ignoring his comment.

Now that I have the facts, I am starting to feel more confident. I can do this. I know I can.

It doesn't take as long as I thought it would have done to get to campus. Sure I know how long the route takes, but I had to get ready and make sure everything was perfect. The downside of arriving so early is the wait.

Waiting has never been one of my stronger traits, something that annoys Jasper no end. Maybe I could call him and get him to come wait with me, I know he would if I asked. No, that isn't right, he is in class. Instead, I dig out my cell phone and start looking at the map of the mall.

I've been there so many times, I could walk it blindfolded, but I haven't ever paid attention to human necessities. So, I take mental notes of every food area and bathroom, adding it to my vague knowledge of benches.

When I've finished that, which unfortunately only takes me half an hour, I start making a plan of shops. Usually I'd go in all the high-end fashion shops, or what they think are high end, but this is about Bella, I want to make her happy. I look up the bookstores and then freeze. Does she still read? Since returning I can't recall her reading anything.

Reading had always been her passion, had our negligence ripped something that precious from her? Then I remember the ear buds she is frequently wearing and the soft words we'd heard from them. She listens to her books instead.

Well, there aren't any talking bookstores, so I'll just have to think of another idea!

By the time Bella arrives, I have a complete plan of what to do and I can barely hold in the excitement. "Let's go!" My joy pops instantly at her sullen face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, can we just go?"

She's sagging in the chair and closing her eyes. I'm worried that she doesn't look good. I don't want to push her if it isn't safe. "Are you sure you want to go? I can take you home if you aren't feeling well."

"No, I want to go out and do something. I really don't want to go back home." Ah, so something must have happened at home, I wonder if it is something to do with Diana.

"Alright," I say as I pull out of the parking lot with a smile she doesn't return.

As we drive, her breathing starts to even out. I know she isn't asleep, but it's nice to see her relaxed for a change. In that moment I decide to change my plans. She doesn't need to be dragged around shops, what she needs is some relaxation.

Turning down a different road to planned, I pull up beside building I've known about for a long time, but not yet visited.

"We're here," I say smiling. Her face is a blanket of confusion. "I thought we could do something else; I hope you don't mind. We're at Solei."

"Actually, this is great," she seems enthusiastic. "but I can't afford this place."

Is she joking? Surely, she doesn't think I'd bring her to one of the most expensive spas in the area and expect her to pay. I laugh at her and say, "Come on, Carlisle can treat us." She looks like she is trying to find an excuse. "No arguing."

Thankfully she doesn't, instead she mutters a quick thanks and climbs out of the car with me. Inside, I tell Bella to get herself something from the small café while I book in.

The receptionist is incredibly helpful and, with a generous tip, manages to clear some sessions for us. Really, is there anything that humans won't do for money?

"So, what do you fancy?" I say sitting down next to her and rattling off the list of options.

"A head massage sounds great, maybe get my nails done." I had purposefully not told her any prices.

"Perfect!" I bounce back to the lady at the desk and book in for the appointments. As neither of us had come prepared, I also purchased some towels and a swimsuit each.

This is so exciting, why hadn't I thought of this sooner. We can relax and talk and I don't have to worry about her getting tired or anything, it's so amazing!

Dancing back to Bella, who had just been delivered what appeared to be a hot chocolate, I blabber on about nothing in particular. I tell her about my classes, what it's like living here, the stupid things that Emmett has gotten in trouble for recently.

Eventually she finishes drinking and I drag her to the changing rooms.

"Where are we?" she asks as I close the door behind us.

"Changing rooms silly. Here, get changed." I throw her the bag of items and it crashes to the floor. Damn! Why did I do that? Way to mess up. "Sorry, I didn't mean, I just, umm…"

"No worries," Bella says laughing lightly, "You really shouldn't expect such a cults to be able to catch things though." She bends down to pick up the bag. "What's in here anyway?"

"Nothing much, just a costume and towel. Sorry, I hadn't planned on coming here so I didn't think to get you to bring your own. I guessed your side; I hope you don't mind." I ramble, trying to salvage the light-hearted atmosphere.

"Oh," she says and bites her lip in the way she always does when nervous.

"Is something wrong?" What had I done this time?!

"No, it's not that, I just… it doesn't matter."

"I'd still like to know if something is wrong," I say as gently as I can.

"You've just been so uncomfortable around me and it's going well; I don't want to wreck it."

So, she had noticed my discomfort. Why had I ever doubted it? She is one of the most perspective people I've ever met. "I'm sorry," I whisper. I know it's feeble, but what else could I say?

"No, you don't need to be sorry. I've gotten used to it. Everyone is uncomfortable around things that are different, you aren't alone in avoiding." She takes a deep breath and lets it out quickly. "I'll tell you, but can you please tell me what has been bothering you too? I won't be offended; I just want you back."

There's an undertone to her voice that I don't recognise. My dead heart sores that she wants me still, but will she still want me after I tell her? I shake myself; I have to tell her, it isn't negotiable. We can't build a friendship based on lies.

"Well, this really isn't a big thing for me, I've spent enough time in the ocean with the pack to not care anymore. I just have a lot of scars and I don't want them to upset you…" she trails off, her voice weak.

Is that all? That isn't a big deal, how bad can a few scars be. I think back to the information Carlisle had told us about her surgeries. How much scaring is there from surgery, a few inches maybe? I don't know, I've not spent enough time around humans, and I can't say I've every paid attention.

Then I remember that no matter how good or bad they are, they are the result of my family's treatment. They are our fault. If we hadn't messed up, she wouldn't have them at all.

"Oh," I manage to force past my lips. It's lame. Come on Alice, say something intelligible"

Bella must have understood my struggle with language because she breaks the silence. "You blame yourself for what happened."

It's a statement, one she knows is true. "Yes," I whisper looking at the ground to avoid her understanding gaze.

"And you are holding yourself accountable for not having seen be jump."

Once again, I can only mutter, "Yes," as my eyes are starting to fill with venom.

"And you're worried I am going to hate you."

I snap my head up to look at her. The way she worded that makes it seem like she doesn't. How could she not?! My gaze pleads with her unseeing eyes to forgive me even though I don't deserve it.

"Well I don't hate you and none of this is your fault." The venom doesn't fall, it can't fall, but had I been human it would have. She doesn't hate me. she doesn't hold me responsible.

I fling my arms around her neck and hold her close, being careful not to crush her. "Thank you," I murmur in her ear.

She hugs me back. "I know it'll take time, but can you please try to put this behind you. I'm still Bella. And…" she hesitates. "I really miss my sister."

"You sound like Jasper," I joke sadly, pulling away from her.

"I must be saying something right then." She's smiling at me and it helps. With a deep unneeded breath, I nod to myself. I can do this. "Now," she says, "Ready to get pampered?"

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