Thank you for checking out my first Miraculous fic! I haven't written fanfiction in years, but something about this show just drew me back in to fandom.
T rating for the implications of the title, though the fic itself probably doesn't warrant it. Better safe than sorry. :)
Miraculous Ladybug in no way belongs to me! If it did, I'd be writing episodes rather than fanfiction.
Anyways, please enjoy!
xoxoxox
Adrien sat down at the lunch table with the guys, deep in thought. He didn't acknowledge anyone or even begin to eat - he just stared off into the distance.
"Bro, you alright?" Nino asked, waving his hand in front of Adrien's face.
"Yeah," Adrien replied absentmindedly. Nino shrugged, apparently satisfied with the answer, and resumed shoveling fries into his mouth before Adrien turned to him suddenly. "Nino, what's a dilf?"
Nino spluttered and coughed, choking on his food. Nathaniel reflexively swept his sketchpads off the lunch table and into his bag, narrowly avoiding the fry deluge. Ivan, seated across from Nino, was not quite as lucky; most of the partially-chewed potato mush landed directly on his shirt.
"Dude!" Ivan cried out in surprise, almost tipping his chair in his rush to stand. He brushed off what he could and turned to glower at Nino, but he couldn't manage to stay angry long enough. Nino's face was almost as red as his hat and streaked with tears of laughter, though he still hadn't fully caught his breath. To his left, Nathaniel pretended to rifle through his bag, but his shoulders shook almost imperceptibly with silent laughter. But the look on Adrien's face was by far the funniest part of the scene before him - a look of pure, earnest curiosity. Ivan couldn't help but join in on the laughter as he cleared the fries from his spot and sat back down.
"Man, we always miss the good stuff!" Kim complained as he and Max approached the table with their food. The pair of best friends took their seats as Adrien turned to his own best friend.
"Well?" Adrien asked as he gave Nino a plaintive look.
Clearing his throat and swallowing hard, Nino fought the urge to laugh at poor, sheltered Adrien. "Why... why do you want to know that?" he finally managed to ask.
Adrien frowned ever so slightly and looked down at his phone. "Last night, I was texting with one of the models that Father has encouraged me to become friends with. I didn't want to admit that I didn't know what it meant, so I tried to guess from context. I must have been way off, because she blocked me."
The laughter at the table died down, replaced with the rapt attention of its occupants. "Huh..." Nino paused and scratched his head thoughtfully. "I'm gonna need that context, bro."
Nodding, Adrien unlocked his phone and pulled up the messages. "So I was trying to set up a lunch meeting with her. Father wanted me to ask her to sign on as an exclusive model for the Gabriel brand. She seemed sort of disinterested in meeting with me, and then she said, 'Adrien, your father is such a dilf'. Knowing him, I thought she might have been saying he's a jerk..."
"Valid point," Nino agreed while Kim snickered into his plate, not daring to look up. "So what did you say that made her block you?"
"I said, 'Tell me about it! I completely agree, but he makes things ten times harder for me!'"
This time, it was Kim who wasn't ready for Adrien's comment. He managed to turn his head away from his friends, but still ended up snorting water through his nose. As the rest of the table broke into laughter, Markov floated out of Max's backpack to offer some help.
"Adrien," Markov said, "I am unfamiliar with the term, however I have found definitions in several internet locales, including Slang dot org, Urban Dictionary -"
Max interrupted Markov, swiftly pushing him back into his backpack. "I estimate an 86.3% chance that Adrien does not actually want to know." He adjusted his glasses, adding, "My certainty approaches 100% if the knowledge comes from an internet-based source."
"Yeah," Kim chimed in, "definitely don't go looking that up on the internet."
As the bell rang and the others, still laughing, gathered up their belongings and left, Adrien let out a frustrated sigh.
xox
The guys noticeably kept their distance from Adrien during the rest of their classes; Nino outright ignored him. It took some time, but Adrien finally cornered Nathaniel and got a partial explanation - he said that none of them wanted to embarrass Adrien after hearing his story and suggested asking someone who didn't have the context.
Alya was Adrien's first thought. Gathering information was her thing, after all. But getting Alya away from Nino, who was currently avoiding him, proved to be impossible as the rest of the school day wore on. The pair made a quick exit at the final bell, and so Adrien was forced to find a new strategy. Luckily, another person he could always count on was still present.
"Hey, Marinette," Adrien greeted her as he placed a hand on her shoulder. Marinette let out a startled yelp and flung her notes and textbooks into the air. "I'm so sorry!" Adrien cried. He hurriedly knelt down to help Marinette gather her scattered belongings.
"A-Adrien, hi," Marinette shakily responded. "Thanks for startling me. I mean, you startled me. And thanks for helping."
Adrien smiled, oblivious to the fact that Marinette was flustered. "No problem," he said. He handed her the stack of papers he had retrieved, and she stuffed them into her bag as Adrien continued. "Anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you..."
Marinette was immediately drawn into her fantasy land, certain that the time had finally come and Adrien was about to ask her out! At the moment, she was busy trying to decide if they should get their hamster early on, or wait until they had started their family and get the hamster as a family pet. She did not hear Adrien say, "It's kind of a strange question with a long story behind it, but I don't want to bore you with the explanation. So here goes nothing."
Completely missing the dazed look in Marinette's eyes, Adrien pressed forward with his question. "Do you know what a dilf is?"
Several moments passed where the only movement between the pair was Marinette's confused blinking. "A... dilf?" Adrien's encouraging smile and nod did nothing to dispel her confusion. But before she could even begin to figure out where this conversation was going, she could hear herself rambling nervously as if on autopilot. "Oh yeah, a dilf, of course! Definitely, Adrien, you are a dilf. Well, no. Not yet. I mean you will be, when you're older. After we have... I mean, once you're a parent, you will be then. That's not to say anything about you now, though! I'd definitely like to... um... well, not me specifically. In general, of course. It's a speech of figure! Figure of speech. Well, talking was great to me! To you, I mean. Talking, to you... was great." Marinette's eyes darted around the room in a panic before she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone, hurriedly placing it to her ear, even though it hadn't rang and the screen remained unlit. "Oh, hi Mom, of course I'm on my way, be there soon!" She silently mouthed a goodbye to Adrien and ran... right into the closed classroom door. After opening it, she gave Adrien an awkward smile and a wave, and darted away down the hallway.
Adrien remained rooted to his spot, trying to work through his own confusion. But by the time he had made his way to the waiting car, he only felt more confused.
xox
"Plagg..." Adrien's tone was somewhere between a whine and a sigh as he dramatically threw himself into his desk chair. After listlessly spinning around in it a few times, he focused on the kwami, who was enjoying some cheese from his personal stash. "Are you sure you don't know what it means?"
Before acknowledging Adrien, Plagg made sure to slowly savor every morsel of his Camembert wedge. "Did you know that kwamis can speak and understand every language?" he asked. "We never know where our next miraculous wielder may come from, but we have to be able to communicate with them. It's all so exhausting." He took another wedge of cheese from the vault before flopping onto Adrien's bed to illustrate his point. "You humans have so many languages, and they're constantly evolving! What's the point? Human language was perfected the first time someone crafted this recipe and gave it the name 'Camembert' - what more could anyone need?"
Adrien rolled his eyes and was about to respond when there was a knock at his bedroom door. After giving Plagg a moment to hide, he called out, "Come in!"
Nathalie briskly entered the room, her tablet in hand. "Adrien," she began as she scrolled through the calendar app, "I hope you are caught up with your schoolwork. You have a promotional shoot for the new fragrance on Thursday, a shoot for the fall catalog on Friday, and the regional fencing competition on Saturday, on top of your usual obligations. In addition, your Chinese tutor is unable to make it today, but we were able to reschedule your session tomorrow after your fencing practice. Your father would like you to utilize your free time today to practice your piano."
"Yes, Nathalie," Adrien promptly responded, biting back a sigh.
Apparently, Adrien hadn't hidden the sigh well enough. "Your father only wants you to be successful in your endeavors," Nathalie told him. Her face retained its usual stoicism, but her tone was warm and sympathetic. "You may not see it now, but he has your best interests at heart."
Adrien dropped his gaze to the floor. "I know, but..." He let his words dangle, unsure of what he wanted to say.
"If you need anything, just ask," Nathalie said, turning to leave.
As Nathalie's footsteps grew softer, Adrien snapped his head up. "Nathalie! Wait!" She whirled around, wide-eyed and frozen in place with her hand on the doorknob. "There is something..." Adrien gave her a sheepish smile. He hadn't intended to worry her.
"What is it, Adrien?"
Adrien faltered. "Do you... do you know what a dilf is?"
By some feat of willpower, Nathalie managed to keep her expression neutral. The only sign that Adrien's question had thrown her off was the tiniest of blushes coloring the bridge of her nose and just the tips of her ears. She paused for a moment to gather her composure before answering in her most professional, business-like manner. "It means 'Dad I'd like to fuck'."
"Oh..." Adrien breathed, blushing slightly as the new information took hold in his mind. The color drained from his face, however, once he recalled the awkward text messages; it returned with intensity as he remembered Marinette's ramblings.
"Was there anything else?" Nathalie asked, breaking Adrien out of his thoughts and his color-changing cycle.
Before common sense could take over, a question had spilled from Adrien's mouth. "Do you think Father is...?"
Nathalie stepped out into the hallway. "Yes," she said resolutely and shut the door behind her.
Adrien only hoped she had walked far enough away that she couldn't hear Plagg's roaring laughter.
xoxoxox
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Any feedback you have is welcomed! Hopefully this isn't the last you'll hear from me. ;)