A/N: I HAVE RETURNED! Wow I was gone for a while. . .Whoops. . .Heh, hope that you're all sticking with me after these past couple years. I'm so excited to be back and writing fanfiction again. I spent this past year improving my writing and I hope my style appeals to many of you. Now, without further ado, I bring you my first oneshot! All I ask is that you stick around for the very end. Anyway, I gotta stop rambling. Love you all! Enjoy. . .
Disclaimer: I do not own tmnt
Breathe. Raise your weapon. Strike.
Bend your knees. Turn your ankle. Kick.
I grunt as my ankle turns incorrectly. I move myself out of position and go back to where I started. That was my third attempt of what's supposed to be an easy kata and like the other two times, I made a stupid mistake. I know my technique is up to par, but for some reason I just can't get down something so basic.
I can feel my anger rise and I have to remind myself to breathe. Unlike my hotheaded younger brother, I easily rein back my anger and frustration and calm my mind. My thoughts flow as smooth as a river, washing over my stress. I take another breath and raise my precious twin katanas.
I perform the next steps of the kata with focus and ease. My steps become precise and my movements fluid. I let my inner passion take over. It guides my body through a rhythmic beat. My heart rate increases from the slow rise of adrenaline.
The jasmine scented candles I lit previously drown me in an aroma of peace and clarity. My body moves on it's own free will. I push myself upwards and with a strike of my blades, I land on one knee, completing the kata.
My breathing is short but within a couple of seconds I gain control and release longer and more relaxed breaths. I smile with satisfaction.
Ever since the loss of my father and sensei, I've felt the need to push myself and break my limitations. I pressured myself to learn every last bit of ninjutsu that was yet to be taught to me. It was only natural with me being the eldest of my clan and the leader. All I have left of my family are my brothers. My three amazing, younger brothers. They were the reason I continue to push myself. We all lost our father almost three months ago. It was the hardest thing we've ever had to deal with. With our Sensei being gone, it was up to me to protect them. I swore to myself time and time again that I would never let anything happen to them. I push myself off the ground and ready myself for another kata, my brothers filling my mind.
My immediate younger brother, Raphael, is the strongest out of the four of us. His strength comes from his intense rage and temper that festered who knows when. Though he is the strongest, he has the biggest tendency to let that strength and rage take over the small portion of common sense he has. He constantly acts out and I just so happen to be the lucky turtle that deals with most of his angry outbursts. Raph constantly questions my authority causing the two of us to just clash. It's been a pain in my shell for these last couple of years but with the passing of Master Splinter, Raph's anger has been on the DL. Mostly because he either stays in his room or goes topside with our human friend Casey Jones. I've tried all I could to help him through the ever so painful mourning but any attempts I make end up in utter failure. Fortunately, Raph has been improving, thanks to my youngest brother of course, but I'll indulge into that another day.
Now as for my second youngest brother, that's a different story entirely. Donatello is the complete opposite of Raphael. Whereas Raph's strength comes from a physical sense, Donnie's greatest strength comes from his mind. He's our genius. He has a level headed nature that has the ability to calm all of us but like Raph, has a wicked temper when he's angry enough. I've rarely seen Don lose his temper but when he does, it can get scarier than Raph's. Though, I know if given the choice, Donnie wouldn't hurt a fly. If his choice of weapon wasn't a dead give away, Donnie's reluctance to cause harm in battle was. He's a peacemaker and would much rather spend his life inventing than harming. Yet another reason as to why Raph and Donnie are so different. The only time where the two have shown similar behaviors is when Splinter died. . .
Donnie immediately went into the depression stage and for the past couple months has been staying that way. Like Rpah, Donnie shut himself away from us, no like he completely shut himself away from us. He hid himself in his lab, only coming out for the occasional bathroom break and some source of nutrition but that was it. He never spoke a word and always looked so helpless. At least Raph was showing signs of improvement, Donnie however. .
"I'll try talking to him later tonight, maybe I can get him to spend the evening with all of us." I mutter to myself.
Moving on, lastly, is my youngest brother Michaelangelo. Ah Mikey. My baby brother strayed from the three of us. He was the heart of our family and always radiated with positive energy. His endless lighthearted and jokes never failed to make any of us smile. As for his ninja skills, I've seen Mikey kick butt when he needs to. There's moments when I see my brother use his raw talent that he was gifted with and it always amazes me. His creativity makes him unpredictable to the enemy and a force to be reckoned with. My baby brother is truly skilled and without him, I don't think any of us would be able to move forward with our father's passing. Mikey was the first one of us to show an effort in mourning. Truth be told, I think a major reason he did it was because he knew he was the only one that could. He started to improve more on his cooking and artistic abilities. He encouraged us to hang out more and was the one who came up with small activities for us to do. He gave me the push I needed to move forward and is slowly pushing Raph. Now to hope that he could get through to Donnie. . .
The two youngest brothers do share the closest bond. If any can help Donnie it's Mikey.
I let a sigh escape as I complete yet another kata. My form was nearly flawless, I think to myself as I kneel on the floor. I take a meditative breath and let the tightness that formed on my muscles go as I exhale.
I turn my attention to the late hour of the night. It's nearly two in the morning and our routine morning practice was only in a couple hours.
I started getting myself and my brothers back into a routine for training a couple weeks ago. Just because we had defeated the Shredder didn't mean we should stop our training. It was our duty as the Hamato Clan Legacy and in the event that we face any new or familiar threats. Luckily Raph didn't seem to mind. I think that he actually missed our training sessions but didn't want to admit it. Reason one being that Raph never revealed or admitted to having feelings. It all depends on what the situation is to determine Raph's emotions. Reason two, training was one of the things we all did as a family. Doing it without Splinter was heavy on our hearts but I know our father wouldn't have it any other way.
Mikey was my one brother who was actually excited, though I could easily see that his excitement was a mask to hide his deep sadness. Somehow he was able to maintain his energized nature to my surprise. He was constantly encouraging all of us and yet he maintained a respectful nature, making me feel all the more less stressed. It did however, damper my mood somewhat to see him not goof off as much.
By some miracle I got Donnie into the idea of training. By miracle, I mean April. When I made the decision to start morning practices, I went into the lion's den known as Donatello's lab and asked my genius little brother if he would be present during the exercise. Without hesitation my brother declined and promptly kicked me out of his little sanctuary. So I resorted to my last choice. April. I informed April of the situation and practically begged the redhead if she could use her charms. Luckily, I know my little brother and his weaknesses. My plan with April worked perfectly. It only took April ten minutes of her persuasion tactics to insure that there would be a Donatello at training.
The first training session we had only lasted for an hour. It started off smoothly until the last couple of minutes when I suggested a sparring match. Mikey immediately shouted for Raph, bragging that he was gonna kick the hothead's butt. This left me to spar with Donnie, not that I minded. He was better than Raph's temper and Mikey's unpredictability.
I immediately could see that Donnie was holding back. His steps were clumsy and he wasn't coordinated. His trikes and jabs were easy to dodge. But it wasn't his physical attacks that concerned me, it was his eyes. They were just empty. They held no trace of emotion. He had dark circles that accompanied the emptiness, barely being masked by his bandana. I kept myself on the defensive side, trying to give him a chance but he wasn't even trying. I would thrust with a small strike and he would barely do anything to counter. As the fight wore on, Mikey and Raph finished with Mikey taking the win while Donnie and I were still engaged in our match. With each movement, I grew more worried. I softened my moves and expression, hoping Donnie would see the concern that laced my features, alas, he kept his eyes on his small jabs. I knew this had to end. I was about to call an end to the fight before Donnie made a misstep and tripped over himself. My anxiety rose and I was by his side in an instant. I tried to help him up but he refused my gesture and as quick as Mikey was about eating pizza, he left the dojo and crawled back into the confinements of his lab.
Returning to the present, I quietly sheathed my swords, undid my holster, and gently placed my swords down on the dojo floor. The mornings that had followed were nothing short of awkward but at least Donnie had still made an effort to join.
I blew the few candles I lit out and set them down in their respective places. I looked around the dojo, making sure everything was put away, before I exited, closing the sliding doors tightly.
I was debating about grabbing a quick bite to eat when I was roughly smacked through the door I had just closed.
I collided with the dojo floor, my body slammed into the ground. The impact was, to say the least, very unpleasant. My body was full of pain that slowly subsided.
"What the shell. . .?" I looked back to where I just was to find the culprit of this mess.
I paled. .
"Leonardo." The figure said, in an all too familiar and taunting voice.
"N-no, you can't be here. We. . .w-we killed you!" I pushed my body upwards, getting a better view of the attacker.
Or should I say, the Shredder.
"You foolish child. You really think after all these years you could destroy me?" He said. His voice scratchy and his mutated form intimidating as it lingered in the shadows.
I ignored the pain my body was still processing as I reached for my katanas. No, this can't be happening. There's no way. Shredder died. He did. Right? Even if he didn't, how'd he find our home?
I crammed my head into my shell as our precious pinball ball machine flies over my head and crashes into what used to be my father's old room. My head had barely enough time to dodge the attack. I look back at Shredder and see his preparation for another attack.
'You can think about it later Leo, just TAKE HIM DOWN' I mentally shout to myself. I finally reach my swords and draw them from their sheath. I ready myself for a strike as Shredder makes his move.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU SICK BASTARD!" I hear the shout of my immediate younger brother. Raph's silhouette enters the fight. Once Shredder's guard is brought down for a second, Raph sends a kick in his face and lands in front of me, his sais drawn.
"RAPH!" I shout to him. He looks back at me and steps closer to where I am, keeping his eyes on Shredder.
"I thought we killed this devil, why the shell is he here? How the shell did HE EVEN GET HERE?"
"I wish I knew Raph, I'm as clueless as you." I respond, keeping my battle stance ready.
"You hurt?" He asks, as he puts himself into an offensive stance.
"Nothing more than I can handle. Where's Donnie and Mikey?" I ask, my stomach clenching at the thought of my baby brothers in a vulnerable position.
Raph is cut off by his response and my question is answered by the distant shouts of our brothers.
"BOOYAKASHA!" Mikey yells as he mimics the same kick Rpah did moments ago. He's followed by Donnie who sends a sharp jab to Shredder's side. The two flip over to us, raising their weapons and mirroring Raph and I's stance. Raph and Donnie stay to my left while Mikey join me on my right side. I look over my brothers and I see we all have one emotion in common.
Fear.
"Guys, I know we're all scared and confused," I use my big brother's voice to address them, "but we don't have a choice right now. We need to face him head on. Raph, I want you-" But before I could give the orders, my hot headed brother rushed into an offensive strike.
"RAPH WAIT!" I shout, but it falls to deaf ears. Raph charges against Shredder and before either me or my younger brothers can move, Shredder easily imaples Raphael.
The movement is quick and time stands still. Images of my father being impaled clash with my vision of reality. Raph's body is frozen at the impact, his throat coughing up crimson blood.
With a blood curdling scream, Raph is tossed aside, forcefully thrown into the side of the wall. Blood continuously pools from the stab wound as Shredder slowly pulls his gauntlet out of my brother's body. Raph's eyes remain wide open and no noise exit's his mouth.
"RAPH!"
"NO RAPH!"
"RAPHIE!"
We all scream our brother's name. I shake my head. No. This can't be. I did not just lose my brother.
But it's as clear as day. Raph's life leaves his body and his form slumps to the floor. My body shakes with an unimaginable grief and rage. My feet feel like cement to the floor. I'm unable to move myself. I feel frozen in place.
Though, I was the only one feeling this way. . .
Donnie steps out in front of me, his naginata blade pointed at the Shredder.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" He shouts with more rage than I have ever seen come from my peaceful brother. Like Rpahael, Donnie charges. My voice is caught in my throat and I outstretch my hand, hoping against reality that my brother would stop.
But he doesn't
Shredder grins evilly as he quickly grabs Donatello by his midsection. Donnie gawks in fear and surprise but it's too late. Despite my mind yelling at my body to move, I can do nothing but watch as Shredder slams Donnie on the floor, multiple times over, each time harder than the last. Donnie's eyes glaze over as his screams of pain die out.
"DONNIE!"
"DONATELLO!"
But it's too late. With one final smash, Shredder releases Donnie from his grasp. My little brother sinks to the floor. Blood covers his head as bruises and bumps begin to form. Donnie looks over at Mikey and I one more time before letting out one final groan. His body becomes motionless and his lips turn blue.
I turn my head and attention to Mikey. My baby brother's eyes become fixated on the Shredder as the villain stalks towards us.
"YOU'RE GONNA PAY!" He shouts and charges.
My voice fails just like my body and I can only watch in horror as Mikey takes on the Shredder. My baby brother hits hard with his nunchucks, giving the Shredder everything he's got.
It's not enough.
Shredder finds his chance and with ease, forces Mikey onto the floor plastering first. Mikey struggles relentlessly but it does nothing to weaken the mutant. I try and try again to move, to make a sound, but it's as if my body is shut down.
Shredder laughs at the situation and with no sense of mercy slams his fists onto Mikey's shell. Over and over again, his fists come smashing repeatedly down on my poor brother's beaten shell. Mikey screams in agony and fear.
A sickening crack is heard and then all is silent.
I shakily look down and see the penetration.
He's dead. They're dead. My brothers, my father. All I had of my family is now gone and destroyed. Brutally murdered while I just sat on the sidelines.
My knees buckle to the ground, tears gather in my eyes.
They're gone. They're gone and it's all my fault.
My fault.
"MY FAULT!"
I quickly spring from my bed, grabbing my chest as my heart rate slowly decreases. Sweat falls off of my brow as I work on untangling my legs from the mess of blankets.
It was just a dream. . . a horrifying nightmare of a dream.
I bring my arms around my torso, hugging my body tightly. I've had my fair share of nightmares that included Shredder and the destruction of my brothers but the difference was I could easily surround myself with my family during the aftermath. I could feel comforted by the fact that everyone was safe and alive. This time. . .this time I can't be comforted by that naive thought.
Tears I didn't even notice fall down my face, landing on my wrinkled sheets. I tighten the grip around my body and let out a small broken sob. I don't know what scared me more. The look of hopelessness on my brother's faces as they were brutally murdered or the fact that all I did was stand to the side and watch it happen. I did nothing as Shredder beat the lives out of my little brothers. What if that happens in real life? What if. . .I can't be there to save my brothers from the next threat we face? I can't lose them. I will NOT lose them. Never again.
My sobs turn into small whimpers, my body shaking from the lingering fear. I need to see them. I need to make sure they're okay and safe.
With my mind made up I carefully pull myself away from my bed. My knees almost buckle underneath my weight. I use my nearby nightstand for support as I slowly find my balance. I tread to my door and quietly open it. I scan the hallway that held each of my brother's rooms. Everything's silent with the exception of my baby brother's snores. A smile passes my lip as I walk to Mikey's door. I open his door, knowing that I don't need to be super quiet. Mikey tends to be a heavy sleeper in our family.
For a moment, my anxiety and fears leave me and I chuckle from the sight of my youngest brother. Somehow, my brother has found the most unusual position comfortable enough for him to sleep. His head is at the end of his bed, his arm and leg hang off the bed as the rest of his limbs are sprawled out in the opposite direction. I mind my footing, comic books and old pizza boxes litter the floor, and make my way to his bed. I drape his fallen blanket over his body, giving his head a small rub. Satisfied that Mikey is safe and well taken care of, I leave his room, giving him one last smile before closing his door.
I turn my attention to the next room. Raphael's. Now Raph isn't a real light sleeper, nor is he as heavy as Mikey can be but the chances of getting caught are pretty high. I shudder at the thought of Raph finding me in his room. It's way too early to see just how many colorful words Raph knows along with his endless insults. I hold my breath and quietly enter my immediate younger brother's room. Raph's room is somewhat more organized than Mikey's. There's not too many objects scattered around the floor but my brother has a way of knowing if even one object is disturbed. It's a skill he developed when we were all younger. It was usually Mikey that would sneak into Raph's room but even Donnie and I were guilty of coming in without permission.
My eyes fall on Raph's form. His snores aren't as loud as Mikey's but they do bring me a sense of relief. Not only does Raph seem okay but he's also asleep. Raph's shell faces my as I subconsciously confirm there's no stab wounds or blood pooling out of him. Instead, I notice small bruises that have formed on my brother's arms.
'Looks like he and Casey did find some guys to pound' I recall earlier that evening. Raph had come home after a night out with Casey and had said that they had found nothing. I suspected that he was lying from the immense sweat and what appeared to be dried blood. I shake my head, giving Raph a sympathetic look as I exit his room.
I slowly turn my head towards the last room.
'Donnie. . .'
I walk past the room, entering the main room in the lair. Deep down, I knew checking Donnie's room would be a waste of time. It's been weeks, maybe even months, since I've seen Donnie sleep in his room, heck I haven't seen Donnie in his room period. My feet trudge to the heavy metal doors leading my genius brother's lab. As I predicted, the lights are on. I rub the area between my eyes. Once again, Donnie has forgone sleep to keep himself hidden away in his lab.
I tighten my fingers into a small fist, gently knocking on his door. I just can't go back to sleep until I know all my brothers are okay.
The sound echoes through the lair but to my disappointment is meant with no response.
"Donnie?" I call his name gently. Again, it's meant with no response.
"Donnie, I know you're in there. Please little brother. . .talk to me." I plead. "I know you're struggling Donnie, keeping me and the others locked out isn't going to help you. You need to let us in. Let us help you Donnie." I lean my head against the cool doors. So much has changed these past months. So much heartbreak and grief. And I've done nothing but let it happen. I never prevented it, I was too focused on my own grief and torment that I let my brothers suffer alone.
My hand reaches for the door handles. I pull against them, knowing that it'll be in vain.
The screech of the lab doors nearly makes me tumble over. My eyes look up in surprise at the realization. For a moment, I think it was just in my imagination but as I continue to pull, the doors open, revealing to me my brother's laboratory.
Without hesitation or permission I enter the lab. My eyes vigorously scan and search through the lab, my eyes falling on the prone and familiar form of my brother. Correction: the prone and unmoving form of my brother.
"DONNIE!" I shout with more volume than needed. I rush to my brother's side in less than a second, jumping over dismantled projects and scraps of metal. His body is slumped against his desk, his head facing away from me.
I'm at my brother's side immediately. I bring my fingers to the side of his neck and breathe in relief. His pulse is strong.
I look over my brother's figure and can only rub his shell in comforting circles. He looks so utterly exhausted it hurts. His breathing is labored and his scrunched up eyes show distress. I run my fingers gently over his face and frown. I move my hand to his forehead and sigh. His skin is warmer than usual, informing me of my brother's signs of a fever. For someone as smart as Donnie, he could also be a big bonehead. He was our family medic, always fretting about the littlest injuries, making sure he did everything in his power to improve our health. On the other hand, when it came to Donnie himself, he would always downplay his physical ailments or claim that there was never anything wrong. This would usual result in him pushing himself past his limits and passing out from the overwhelming stress on his already stressed body.
"Leo?" My head snaps up in the direction of the voice from the lab doors.
Raph wastes no time in entering the lab and joining my side. His eyes scan for Donnie, landing on his form just as I did. His pupils grow things and his pace quickens. How Raph woke up, I'm not sure but I dare not question. Raph passes me and joins Donnie's other side.
"I think he passed out from exhaustion. He's also showing signs of a small fever." I say calmly, keeping my eyes on Donnie.
I hear a painful whimper leave Donnie as his body adjusts itself.
"Can you help me carry him to his bed?" I ask, giving Raph my attention. I can tell he's raging an inner war from this. He takes a deep inhale and offers me a small nod. I turn off Donnie's computer monitor and check to make sure everything on his desk is somewhat orderly. Unlike my other two brothers, Donnie was an OCD maniac, especially when it came to his lab.
Raph follows my lead and the two of us take one of Donnie's arms and carefully lift him from his desk chair. We put his arms around our shoulders and maneuver him out of his lab.
No words were spoken between Raph and I as we carried Donnie to his room. It was a little difficult with Donnie's height but we finally managed to enter his room. Donnie's room was just like his lab. Organized in a specific way and neater than even my room. He had a small desk with sticky notes with a couple composition books on top. He had a miniature bookshelf beside the desk, with tattered books that were on the verge of falling apart.
I motioned for Raph to take full hold of Donnie. He followed reluctantly but spared me from any complaints. I took the time to undo Donnie's bo holster, along with his elbow and knee pads, and finally untied his mask. I folded the purple fabric and placed it on his nightstand. I pulled the dusty comforter off of Donnie's bed and helped Raph to set Donnie down on the mattress.
I tucked the comforter around my brother, making him as comfortable as possible. Donnie's body did some readjustment before sinking into the comfort that bed provided. His labored breathing softened as his whimpers drifted off into small snores.
"Leo?" I heard Raph ask, breaking the silence.
"What is it?" I turned my head towards him.
"Donnie. . .he's always isolated himself from us, ever since we were little he kept to himself. These past years it's gotten worse but I never paid any real attention to it. I always assumed it was just because he was inventing but now. . .he hasn't been building anything. I can't even remember the last time he was dorking out over a new invention." Raph takes in a shaky breath before continuing.
"He's just been so quiet. I barely even talk to him anymore. . .I can see he's hurting Leo. He's always handled his emotions on his own but I can see he's struggling. Heck I tried to handle this on my own but that didn't end well. I wish. . .I wish he would just let us help him."
My head falls, touching the top of my plastron. Raph's words were unexpected but they rang true. Donnie was dealing with so much, probably more than either me or Raph knew. The point being, Donnie needs Raph I right now. He needs to see that we're here for him and that he doesn't need to go through this grief alone.
"Then let's show him." I stated.
Raph and I's eyes meet, both showing the same sadness and determination. No matter what we were going to make sure Donnie would be okay. No. matter. what.
Raph gripped my shoulder in a comforting gesture. He walked over to Donnie and touched his forehead with his own. After that, my younger brother left the room, entering his own.
I let a yawn escape, looking at Donnie's bedside clock I groaned at the hour. I lifted myself off of Donie's bed, maintaining my quiet footsteps for the sake of not waking my brother. Donnie was a light sleeper, matching my own, and could easily be woken.
As my hand gripped the doorknob, I felt something in my chest tighten. For some reason, I couldn't leave. I looked back towards Donnie. Turning back, I knelt by my brother's bedside. Images of the Shredder from my previous nightmare threatened to overpower me as I stared at Donnie's sleeping form. I pushed them all aside, focusing my gaze on Donnie's closed eyes.
"I promise Donnie, Raph and I are going to help you. I will do whatever it takes to help you heal little brother. No matter what you say or do, I will protect you from your inner demons and pull you back into the light. I love you so much brother. I swear on our brotherly bond I will keep you safe and help you heal. Nothing or no one will stop me. Not even you. I love you so much Otōto."
I kissed Donnie on the forehead, wrapping my other hand around his neck, I mimicked the brotherly gesture Raph had previously done.
Feeling a peace wash over me, I felt it was time to head back to my own room.
I exited Donnie's room, returning to my bed and letting the blissful slumber take me over as memories of my brothers filled my thoughts and fed my emotions.
Yes, I would do everything in my power to make my family whole again. I would care for each of my brothers, making sure that we all came out of this stronger and closer. I would keep the promise I made tonight.
If only I knew that everything that I promised would end up a lie.
If only I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the promise I made forever. . .
If only I knew that the promise would break within the very next week. . .
To be continued. . .
A/N: I think it's safe to announce that this isn't just a one shot. . .it's a one shot that's leading up to my next big story! And let me tell y'all, it's gonna be a big one and full of angst. Make sure to stay tuned, it's coming very soon. . .
So? How'd I do? I hope you all like my new writing style, if you have any ideas or helpful tips, they're all welcome!
As for my past stories, as of now they shall remain as they are. Trust me, I wanna complete them too but I have so many other projects I want to do. I'm hoping to rewrite them one day.
Special thanks to my dear friends who are always supporting me with my writing (I hope this was a fun surprise).
Thanks again to all my readers, I truly hope each and everyone of you guys are staying safe and are healthy during this difficult time. Feel free to favorite and review! It truly makes me genuinely happy :) See you guys soon. . .