CHAPTER 3: Lost Girl
"Hello, I have lost my girl. Have you, a not girl, seen a lost girl, today?" inquires a young man, the hope in his inquiry dense enough to collapse into a black hole. His very life was riding on the answer to his question, for he was stuck in the so-called "Slums" where almost everyone eyes him and his outlandish outfit with more than just harmless curiosity.
Despite Subaru's resolve to follow Satella to the ends of the Earth, he was not on said planet any longer and being in a foreign land, lost track of his party members a short while into their quest to get "unlosted".
Unfortunately, for our intrepid hero, the recipient of his inquiry cared not about dashed hopes or black holes. The only thing the recipient of his desperate inquiry, a tan, old, giant of a man cared about was his afternoon booze session. And said session was currently being interrupted by nonsensical questions.
"I reckon I did not," replies the giant, dismissing the boy's inquiry as if he was swatting aside a fly. Observing the dumb look of incomprehension dominate the face of the boy, he elaborates, "I reckon I have not seen a girl for the past 86 years."
Subaru's mouth hangs open. The man in front of him looked old, with pure white eyebrows that were long enough to reach his chin. But no one could have guessed the giant was close to being a centenarian! He looks way too big and healthy for that! Perhaps such things are not so farfetched in a land inhabited by a talking cat and a crazy elf girl whose outfit was designed by said feline.
But our hero is interrupted before he has time to process the devastating nature of the news he just heard.
"You've seen me," says the short, blonde girl sitting beside Subaru.
Taking the new information into consideration, the old giant revises his statement: "I reckon I have seen half a girl in the past 86 years." The statement is accompanied by an echo that sounds the death knell for Subaru's efforts to locate his lost party member.
"What the hell was that for?! You sounded the death knell to my budding feminine side!" the blond girl complains.
"I reckon you never had a feminine side, Felt." A snort later, loud guffawing rends the quiet atmosphere of the nigh empty bar apart as the old man barely keeps himself from succumbing to a laughter induced heart attack. Subaru was about to join in with the old man's melodious mirth, but a knee to the crotch stops him dead in his tracks. The yelp of pain emanating from his guest straightens out the old man and puts him back on track to living long enough to be a centenarian instead of dying from straining his heart.
Having a wrench thrown at both his plans to belittle the blond girl as well as his blueprint to start a family, Subaru sputters out a weak apology to Felt while trying his best to resist the overpowering desire to empty the contents of his stomach onto the bar counter.
Satisfied to see the boy who was seeking to belittle her groveling on the floor, the girl decides to finally get around to a normal introduction. "What's your name, stranger?" she asks, unable to hide the curiosity in her voice. The unusual hair color and outlandish (if you're putting it kindly) outfit of the man weeping on the floor did not fail to pique her interest.
Still recovering from the critical hit that was expertly landed on his nethers just a few moments ago, the boy grunts for a minute before he gathers himself. "I am known by many names…" he begins, attempting to create an air of mystery around him. "…All of them Subaru," he finishes with a sigh. An aura of mystery never did suit the NEET.
"My name is Rom," the old man deadpans. "I'm the bartender. I tend the bar."
Remembering the mission at hand, Subaru cuts off the blonde girl before she has an opportunity to introduce herself verbally. Besides, Felt's action-packed intro was enough for him. Subaru takes out a piece of paper which housed an odd portrait. "Where can I find one of these?" the boy implores as he hands the drawing to Felt.
The drawing looked like a collaboration between two artists with motor skills that were at the opposite ends of the spectrum. The face, legs and feet resembled that of stickmen. Even a child would have been ashamed to present such work. However, the chest area had clearly received exquisite detail, to the point where it appeared almost photographic.
"You can find all the stickmen you want on the dirt near that field where the kids are playing," the girl replies indignantly while pointing to the bar's exit.
But all hope was not lost, for the old man disagreed vehemently with Felt. "I reckon I could recognize the girl just from the details you gave of her bust alone," he declared with confidence. Finding a fellow man of culture, Subaru's face brightened for the first time in a while.
"Maybe," Felt was quick to interject. "But we're more takers than finders."
Unfazed, Subaru composes his request, "Could you take her, and bring her, to me?"
"That sounds like a fucking kidnapping, kid!" The girl counters Subaru's solicitation with a horrified expression etched on her face.
"So, is that a 'Yes'?"
"That's gonna be a strong 'NO'."
"I'm hearing a really strong 'Maybe'!" continues our hero, steadfast in his pursuit of the beauty he pledged to follow.
"Check your hearing, you freak!"
Having his request shot down so spectacularly, Subaru musters the most dejected look he could contort his face to create before blasting the old man with it. Hoping to get rid of the annoyance once and for all, the giant reveals life-changing information:
"I know someone who could help," old man Rom says with a sigh.
The sun is setting on The Slums as she downs the milk that was offered to her. Her black hair was an unusual sight in the area where she was enjoying her drink. A black jacket stuffed with purple fur covers her voluptuous form, giving off an aloof aura. Unzipped in the front, she was gracing the boy who was sitting on the opposite side of the table with quite the view.
"I know her. Elsa's the name," Rom informs.
Licking off her milky mustache, the woman Rom knows is quick to clarify that she only came to the bar to get some milk.
"And you got your milk. Now spill it!" shouts the old man.
Looking utterly confused, the woman voices her refusal to follow through with the asinine request.
"Do you wanna help or not?" the old man asks, frustration coloring his voice.
"You REALLY don't wanna help this guy," mutters the girl who was sitting beside the boy at the table with disdain clear in her voice.
The baffled expression never leaving her face, Elsa proceeds to ask the question tormenting her soul, "What am I helping with?"
Her question is answered with a stoic "Hello" from the boy who was staying silent thus far. "I wanted to know if you would be able to find my missing party member."
"Why would you think I would know anything about your missing party memb—"
Elsa's displeased retort at the boy's bizarre request is interrupted by a blinding flash of light.
"What did you just do?" asks Elsa as she rubs the stars from her eyes.
"I reckon he tried to kill us," deadpans Rom.
Subaru quells everyone's doubts by shamelessly informing Elsa that he took a picture of her. Looking at an image of herself that was somehow frozen in time in the device the boy was holding, Elsa's face turns into a frown. "I feel violated!" Elsa exclaims, her displeasure on plain display like her assets in the picture. "Did you ask?"
"No, I did not!" the boy replies cheerfully.
"Then I don't need to ask permission to kill all of you!"
"No, I guess you don't…wait what?"
Elsa takes the goblet she was served her drink with. Turning to the old man, she coldly informs him that she wanted her milk skim before returning the goblet to the bartender…by smashing it into his chest.
"Rom will take this into consideratio-BLEUGH"
Blood splattering out the gaping wounds in his chest, the old man crumples into a heap on the floor instantly. It appears the giant was not as durable he looked.
Observing the unfolding chaos that was unraveling the bar's once peaceful atmosphere, Felt turns her blood-stained face to look at the boy cowering behind her. "Subaru, I just want you to know…I blame you for this entirely!" she said, her voice eerily calm.
"That is fair."
Releasing a loud battle cry, the girl charges Elsa at tremendous speed, her form becoming a blur. Appearing beside her, Felt brings down the shortsword in her right hand to execute a devastating swing. Elsa easily sidesteps the almost unavoidable attack as if it was made by a complete amateur. "Child, I didn't have business with you."
Blood splatters the walls of the bar as Felt is cut open with a single swipe of the kukri Elsa was wielding. "Next time, try not to announce your attack," Elsa advises the bleeding Felt with a sarcastic tone. Evaluating the mess she created with sadistic pleasure, Elsa sighs. "Such a shame. With every cut I make with this blade, the duller it gets."
With two of her three targets dead, Elsa turns to face Subaru, a predatory look marring her gentle features. "Oh, well. I guess I can afford one more cut." Elsa proceeds to giggle, her mirthful voice rooting Subaru to the spot in fear. Ending her giggle fit, Elsa looks at Subaru with a blush adorning her porcelain face. "Hey there, neighbor."
Realizing too late that the woman was more of a maniac than a runway model, Subaru begs for his life, "Please, no…I am SO scared!"
"Shushushushu. It's too late. It's already done. Look down." Elsa replies with glee.
Subaru looks down at his feet to see his intestines enjoying the chilly night air. He crumples to the ground, pain overpowering his senses. Closing the distance with dainty grace, Elsa approaches Subaru's fallen body. She crouches down, observing her handiwork with heavy breaths.
"Oh, no, no, no, no! Don't be scared! Everything's going to be oookayyy."
No! Bad blood! Don't…go…
Watching the blood leave her victim as he dies a slow and painful death, Elsa begins to hum a tune:
"It's…a…beautiful day in this neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor…"
She looks at him in the eye, "Would you be mine? Could you be mine?"
The insane lady's maniacal singing torments Subaru's ears as his life flashes before his eyes. A sinister laugh is all our hero hears as he loses consciousness.
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GenericReader: I am starting all the way from the very beginning of the first episode of the Re:Zero Abridged series. The story follows the series closely, although I have added some of my own touches to it as I am not limited to the footage created by the anime studio. There is also the fact that I have to account for the medium change. Thanks for reading and I hope you are liking it!