for Dra
Word Count: 1009
Her mother's eyes narrow, and Tonks knows exactly what she wants to say. Tonks understands, of course. Her mother isn't the only one angry at Remus. Hell, Tonks thinks she's probably angrier than anyone. She's the one who's pregnant, the one whose husband ran off without a word.
No. Not quite without a word. If he hadn't said anything at all, Tonks might have found herself hating him. Instead, he had looked at her, had seen the joy and fear in her eyes, and said, "I can't do this."
And that's that.
Even so, she doesn't like the look in her mother's eyes right now. "Don't you start," Tonks says darkly, the words coming out as a growl.
"Who's starting anything?" Her mother holds up her hands, palms out, a sign of peace. "I was just going to ask if you wanted lemon in your tea."
Tonks doesn't quite believe her, but she decides not to push it. The last thing she needs is to upset her mother. Her father has been forced on the run, her husband has left her, and all she has left is her mother.
The tears start up again. She hates it; shouldn't her tears be all dried up by now? How is there anything left to cry? But there is, and she doubles over, bracing her palms against the kitchen table. Her mother is by her side immediately, rubbing her back and making soothing shushing sounds.
"I'm angry," Tonks says, and it's the first time she's actually spoken the words aloud. It feels like a betrayal. Isn't marriage supposed to be about love and happiness. "Mum, I'm scared I might even hate him."
"Sit down, dear," her mother instructs.
Tonks does as she's told without complaint. Sometimes it's easier to just listen, to not have to think or put up a fight.
A moment later, her mother places a steaming cup of tea in front of her. Lemon and honey, her favorite little comfort even on the worst of days. "You don't hate him," her mother says, sitting across from her. "You might want to strangle him when he comes back, but that isn't hatred."
When he comes back. Not if. Tonks wonders how her mother can sound so sure. Remus had made it clear that he couldn't handle this life anymore. But her mother speaks with such confidence that Tonks really wants to believe.
"How do you know I don't hate him?"
"Because of the way you obsess over him now. I know you, Dora. You don't just give up on people." Her mother chuckles and shakes her head. "You're so much like your father."
…
It takes nearly a week. Thunder tears through the air, and lightning flashes through the night sky, and Tonks cannot sleep. She's always had trouble sleeping through bad weather, and tonight is no exception.
She finds herself in the kitchen, digging through the pantry until she finds a bag of crisps. The front door opens and, years of Auror experience making her quick and sharp, she turns, wand raised and a defensive charm ready on the tip of her tongue.
"Nymphadora…"
"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus," she snaps, and there's more hostility in her words than she'd intended. "How do I know it's you?"
"You snore in your sleep," he says. "Very softly. The first night we shared a bed, I heard you snore, and I woke you up to tell you it was the cutest thing in the world."
She scowls at that. It's such a ridiculous little story, but she remembers it well. It had been such a big step in their relationship. How could she ever forget? "I hit you with a pillow…"
"I deserved that." He sighs heavily and steps forward. "I deserve worse than that now."
Truth be told, Tonks is still tempted to hex him. The last several days have been a nightmare, and she has been worried sick, bordering on panic, but much closer to despair. Being pregnant is hard enough. Being pregnant in a war, abandoned by her husband? It's almost too much, and Tonks doesn't even want to think about how things might have been if Remus hadn't come home.
"I'm not happy with you," she tells him.
He smiles, just a soft quirk of his lips. "I'd be shocked if you were," he says with a soft laugh. He holds out his hand. "Tonks?"
She wants to be angry with him. Maybe she's still hurt and just a touch bitter, but she knows she still loves him. Nothing will ever change that. When she took her vows, she made a promise, and she intends to keep them. For better or worse, and she has seen Remus' worst. She still loves him, and that will never change.
She crosses the kitchen, dropping the thing of crisps on the table, and throws her arms around her husband, burying her face in his chest. "If you ever do anything like that again, I swear I will hex you into oblivion, Remus Lupin."
He chuckles and kisses her head. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
"What made you come back?"
Remus pulls away, cheeks stained a heated pink. He pushes a hand through his hair, clearing his throat. "Well… I tried to run away with Harry," he admits. "He, uh… He called me a coward."
Tonks grins. "Knew I always liked that kid. He's something else, eh?"
"He is," Remus agrees.
"We should ask him to be our child's godfather."
It's like those words remind Remus of why he ran. Tonks is worried he might bolt again. Instead, he softens and places his hand on her stomach. I don't know what I'm doing," he says.
"Me neither, but that's okay. We're going to figure it out together."
The world is dark and confusing. Tonks doesn't know what she's doing most days, or how she's still standing at all. As scary as it may be, she will hold her head high and face it. Remus makes it all much easier,