A/N: I've had this idea for a while now and I'm finally carving time out of my day to put it together, so I hope you like it! This first part is taking place after 6x02 (into 4x03 of Med) …meaning I did a speed watch of the entire apartment fire cross over like two weeks ago and it was a morning well spent :)
Jay stood and slipped his wallet into his pocket, "Do you need anything else from me?"
Hailey shook her head and smiled sadly, "I'm good."
"You don't have to look at me like that," Jay said while walking past her, "I'm fine."
Hailey sighed, "Don't do this."
"Jay," Hank walked out of his office, "What time tomorrow?"
Jay set his jaw and turned to look at him, "You don't have to come."
Hank crossed his arms, "We're going," he looked around the bullpen, "Agreed?"
Antonio nodded, "Nowhere else we'd rather be."
Jay shook his head, "It's fine."
"At least the funeral," Kim said softly, "Okay?"
Adam lightly grabbed Jay's arm, "We're here."
"Yeah, got it," Jay pulled his arm away. He glanced to Hank, "Starts at three."
"We'll see you then," Hank nodded.
Jay gave one last look toward Hailey then left.
She shook her head and looked back toward her computer.
"Just needs time," Hank said quietly to her.
"I know," Hailey mumbled as she went back to work.
"Thanks for coming. Thank you. We appreciate it. Thanks," Will said as people greeted him while filing into the church.
Hailey looked around the large room for Jay, but was distracted when Kim gently pushed her toward Will.
"So sorry, man," Adam said and shook Will's hand before giving him a brief hug.
"Thanks for coming," Will nodded.
"Where's he at?" Kevin asked.
Will made eye contact with Hailey then pointed toward the front of the church, "Up there."
Hank lightly clapped Will on the arm then led Antonio and Kim to the open casket in the back of the church.
"We'll grab a pew over there," Adam whispered in Hailey's ear before walking away with Kevin.
She took a deep breath then made her way to the front of the church. She smiled slightly at Natalie and nodded toward Jay who was just staring forward at the altar.
Natalie shrugged in response with a glance at Jay. She stood and squeezed Hailey's hand as she walked past her to Will.
Hailey smoothed out her black dress and sat next to Jay. He didn't look at her, he might not have even blinked, so Hailey set her hand on his.
The contact broke through his haze and he turned toward her.
"Hey," Hailey said softly.
"Hi," Jay mouthed.
Hailey took in his appearance because he truly looked exhausted. His eyes seemed faded and he was breathing slowly, his hand not under Hailey's touch shaking in his lap. She scooted closer to him and rubbed her thumb over his hand.
The minutes beated on with Jay having turned back to the altar and Hailey keeping her peripheral vision trained on him.
Eventually, Jay whispered, "Want to meet my dad?"
"Sure," Hailey said softly. She stood and waited for Jay to gather the energy to stand with her. She grabbed his elbow to steady him, realizing he'd been drinking. "Wait," she breathed and gently turned him to face her. She fixed the knot of his tie and straightened it.
Jay swallowed as her fingers brushed against his jaw. He breathed out shakily and waited for her to finish before grabbing her hand again and walking her back to the casket.
Hailey kept her free hand on Jay's back, noticing how he limped slightly and figuring it must have had to do with the bullet that had ripped through him the days before.
Jay stopped to the side of the casket and waited for his cousin to pay his respects to pull Hailey closer. He cleared his throat and stared down at his dad's pale, plastic looking face. He swallowed and tried talking, but nothing came out.
Hailey rubbed circles over his suit jacket and patiently waited for him to make the first move.
"Meet my dad," Jay whispered, "Pat Halstead. Um," he wiped his hand under his nose, "Pop, this is my partner, Hailey Upton."
Hailey nodded and squeezed Jay's fingers, "Hi."
"She keeps me in line, you…you would have liked her," Jay swallowed. He tried to talk more, but then turned and said, "I can't."
"That's okay," Hailey said softly and led him away, "What do you need?"
Jay stopped and glanced around before pulling her out into the lobby of the church. He slowly sat on a bench with her and rubbed his face before loosening his tie and taking a deep breath.
Hailey kept her hand on his knee, fully expecting him to start crying, but she was just surprised when he started mumbling to himself and rubbing his hands over his thighs.
"Need a drink," Jay whispered, "Need something. I-I can't wait."
Hailey shook her head, "I don't think that's a great idea right now," she gently turned his face toward her, "I think you've been drinking a lot, right?"
Jay debated lying then gave in and nodded.
"Yeah," Hailey said softly, "Maybe later you can have another, but right now, let's just sit here and wait this out. I won't leave you."
Jay swallowed hard against his dry throat and slightly rocked as he sat on the wooden bench. After a few minutes, he whispered, "I said horrible things to him, Hailey. My last words involved calling him a thankless old prick." He put his head in his hands and groaned quietly, "We c-couldn't even save him. He…he was connected to-to machines. I couldn't apologize."
Hailey nodded as he talked. She couldn't imagine the guilt that Jay was feeling in that moment and it finally really clicked for her why he had been so harsh and angry as they worked the case that led to his father's death.
"Jay."
Hailey turned to see Will standing a few feet away.
Jay pressed his hands into his eyes before looking up, "Yeah?"
"It's time," Will said. He hesitated then walked back into the church.
"What do you need?" Hailey asked softly.
Jay shook his head and tried fixing his tie, but his hands were shaking too badly to twist it correctly.
"I'll do it," Hailey whispered and gently took his hands in hers, squeezing them before setting them in her own lap. She completely undid his tie and then put it back around his neck. "I don't know any fancy knots, is that okay?" Hailey asked.
Jay closed his eyes, "Sure."
"All right," Hailey quickly did the knot and set her hand for just a second on the side of Jay's neck, "There you go."
Jay blinked his eyes several times to focus on her before standing, "Will…Will you sit with me?"
"Of course," Hailey nodded and held his elbow again as they walked into the church. She caught Adam's eye contact and shook her head.
Adam sighed and whispered to Kevin.
Kevin looked at Hailey and bit his lip.
Hailey shook her head again, but was distracted by Jay dripping slightly over his own shoes. She tightened her grip on his arm until they finally made their way to the front pew. She helped Jay sit then turned to Will, "Is it-"
"Yeah," Will nodded, "Please."
"Thank you," Hailey said softly and sat between Jay and Natalie.
Jay grabbed her hand while looking straight forward again at the altar.
Hailey took a deep breath and intertwined their fingers just as the priest started talking.
When the funeral was dismissed, Will and Jay walked to the back with a few members of their family and a couple of their dad's friends to carry the casket outside.
Everyone started filing out to their cars, so Hailey walked over to the Intelligence unit.
"He's having a hard time," Kim said softly.
Hailey nodded, "They didn't end on a good note."
Kevin winced, "Did one of them say something?"
"Yeah," Hailey breathed, "Jay did. He never had a chance to say sorry or take it back."
"I can't imagine," Antonio shook his head.
The six of them walked out to the parking lot and were surprised to see Jay leaning against Hank's car.
"How's it going?" Hank asked.
Jay shrugged and shook everyone's hands, "Thank you for coming."
Kim gently hugged him, "We're here for you."
"Thanks," Jay lightly patted her back and stepped back, "Um, thanks for coming; I-we appreciate it, Will and I." He chewed his lip, "We, um, we're going to go bury him now a-and then there's a celebration of life or something," he rolled his eyes, "I d-don't know. I guess it'll be an Irish thing for our heritage. You all d-don't need to come."
"Are you sure?" Adam looked between everyone, "We all want to support you."
"This was more than enough," Jay nodded, "Thank you." He looked at Hailey, "You too. Thank you. I'm sorry for this week."
Hailey smiled slightly, "Thank you. Did you-"
"No," Jay quickly shook his head, "I'll be fine. Thanks again," he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked over to Will where he stood in silence, not even bothering to attempt to pay attention to the conversation Will was having.
Adam squeezed Hailey's elbow, "You want to drive back with me?"
"Sure," Hailey breathed as she kept her eyes trained on Jay.
Hailey wishes she could say she was surprised when she was Will had called her and asked her to help with Jay, but she wasn't.
She had sent him a text as they left the funeral saying to reach out to her if he needed help with Jay at all. Will had originally said he'd be fine, but sure enough, he had texted her saying he didn't know if Jay really wanted to be around him at the moment.
Hailey slowed to a stop and her car was barely in park when she jumped out of her car to hurry to the back yard area where she could hear Irish music playing along with the sound of bottles clinking together.
She waved to Will and was walking over to see what exactly she needed when Will just stuck his hand up and pointed toward the corner of the yard.
Hailey changed the direction of her feet and made her way to Jay staring forward at his dad's portrait.
"Hey," she breathed.
Jay didn't seem to hear her though and continued staring at the picture. He slowly brought his beer bottle up to his lips and finished the drink in one long sip.
"Jay," Hailey said softly and set a hand on his back.
The touch startled him and he jerked away from her.
"Hey, hey," Hailey whispered, "It's just me. Hailey."
Jay blinked until his eyes could find the mop of blonde hair in front of him. She wasn't in the black dress from earlier having changed into jeans and a t-shirt – she looked more like herself now.
"I'm going to take you home," Hailey said, "Will's going to clean up."
"I should help," Jay looked around, "I-I should do something."
Hailey shook her head, "It's okay. Will understands. Come on," she took the empty beer bottle from his hand and set it on an empty chair nearby before placing her hand on Jay's back again and gently guiding him out.
Jay seemed to be on autopilot again and just walked in the directions Hailey pushed him toward. Once they got to her car, he waited for her to open the door, not completely registering what was happening.
"Here we go," Hailey said, "Inside," she covered Jay's head with a hand to block him from hurting himself as she helped him sit in the front seat, "Just a few minutes, okay? I'll get you home."
She shut the door and walked around to slide into the driver's seat. The second the car was in drive, though, her car started beeping and indicating that the passenger seatbelt wasn't connected. She held back a sigh and pulled back over to the side of the road.
"Jay," she undid her seatbelt, "Can you put your seatbelt on?"
He didn't look at her and continued looking forward out at the road.
Hailey took a deep breath and leaned across the center console to grab the seatbelt and connect it for him.
"All safe, right?" Hailey tried to smile, "We want to be extra careful when we drive."
She clicked her seatbelt back into place and held back a sigh. She didn't know if she was being too much or if it was just right or if Jay needed the silence. She was slightly shocked at the motherly instinct that was rolling out of her. It wasn't like she had a great mother to base herself off of.
She winced as she started driving again. Jay didn't have a mother and now he didn't have a father either. She didn't know what position she would have rather been in – two dead parents or two horrible ones.
When she parked her car, she was surprised that Jay got out of the car on his own and started robotically walking toward the entrance of the building.
Hailey hurried after him and followed him inside, grabbing his arm and leading him toward the elevator.
"Stairs there," Jay mumbled and pointed toward the door down the hall.
"I know, but it's okay to take the elevator once in a while," Hailey said softly as she pressed the up button.
Once in the elevator, Jay started looking around his suit jacket for his keys. Hailey would have let him try on his own, but he then started breathing quickly and his movements became erratic when he couldn't find them.
"Shh, it's okay, we'll find them," Hailey said as she stepped closer and carefully slipped her hands inside his jacket. She found them against his side with his phone and wallet that she also pocketed. "There we go," she smiled and led him out of the elevator once it opened, "All right, let's go inside and I'll see if I can make you some warm food before bed, does that sound good?"
Jay didn't answer and hazily watched Hailey unlock his door before ushering him inside.
He didn't move to take off his shoes or coat, so Hailey slipped her own off and knelt down to untie his shoes for him. She held his leg steady to lift it enough to pull his right shoe off then did the same to the left. When she stood, she easily removed his jacket and placed it over the counter.
"Want me to take this all to the dry cleaner tomorrow?" Hailey asked while undoing his tie.
Jay shook his head in a tiny motion, all the movement having stirred something in his brain to wake him up enough to function the smallest amount.
"If you change your mind, let me know," Hailey tossed his tie on top of the jacket, "Think you can do the rest? I want you to take a shower, so it's all coming off."
Jay took a second to register her words, then nodded and walked past her to the bathroom where he shut the door behind him and turned the lock.
Hailey waited until she heard the shower turn on to gather his shoes, jacket, and tie to bring to his bedroom. She searched through his clothes until she found sweatpants and perhaps the oldest t-shirt he had based on how soft and worn it felt. She placed them on the bed before going to the kitchen and seeing what she could make.
Hailey had cooked up two grilled cheese sandwiches and set up two bowls of tomato soup, but Jay still hadn't come out of the bathroom yet. The shower was still running, causing Hailey to bite her lip at the noise.
She walked over to the closed door and lightly knocked, "Jay?" There was no answer, so she knocked again, "Jay, are you doing okay? It's been a while. Can you say something for me?"
She still heard no noise or movement, so she reached up above the doorjamb and found the small key to unlock the door. She ignored the butterflies in her stomach as she placed the key in the hole of the doorknob and pushed it open.
Jay was staring at himself in the mirror with only his pants on and shaving cream covering his face, a razor in one hand on the counter and the other on the faucet.
Hailey's heart shattered in her chest and she tried keeping her composure as she walked in the small room and shut off the shower. She gently pried the razor from Jay's hand and set it next to the sink before closing the lid to the toilet.
"Jay," Hailey said softly, "Can you sit for me? I'm going to clean you up a little bit and check on your side."
Jay walked with her hands until she gently pushed him onto the closed toilet.
Hailey opened up the small closet in the bathroom and found a washcloth that she dampened with warm water to clean off his face. She felt tears coming to her eyes as she watched her best friend do absolutely nothing in front of her. He was stuck in some world that she didn't know how to pull him out of.
Hailey breathed shakily then grabbed another washcloth, "Can you hear me? I'm going to ask you some questions that are important and I want honest answers. You don't have to use words, but you need to somehow answer me. We'll stick to yes and no questions. I'm okay with nodding your head or a thumbs up or down, I'm just going to need some communication from you, okay?"
It took him a minute, but Jay eventually nodded.
"Good," Hailey said softly and bent down to grab his first-aid kit from under the sink, "First question, have you changed your gauze at all for that bullet wound?"
Jay slowly set his hand on his front and nodded, but then moved his hand to his back where the bullet had gone through and shook his head.
"That was good," Hailey smiled, "Good." She squatted next to him and gently peeled off the gauze on the front, whispering, "I know, I'm sorry," when he sucked in a breath. She lightly wiped around the two stitches before quickly bandaging it back up.
She moved enough to see the gauze on back, "Deep breath, I'm going to pull it off," she waited for Jay to inhale to pull off that piece. She winced at the dried blood still on the gauze and dotted around the stitches. "At least it went straight through, right?" Hailey asked, not sure if she was talking to Jay or herself, "Less trouble for everyone," she continued and dabbed at the tight skin around the stitches, "You're too important to everyone to get more hurt than this," she wasn't sure where these words were coming from, but she couldn't stop them from coming out of her mouth, "Almost done, Jay, you're doing so good for me. I'm proud of you. You're a good man," she grabbed the gauze and tape again, "You care about me and I appreciate that. It's nice to have a friend, right? We're friends, Jay, I'll always help you out, always." She finished and straightened up, placing everything back into the first-aid kit and tucking it under the sink.
"You didn't shower, did you?" Hailey asked.
Jay tugged his lip between his teeth and shook his head.
Hailey sighed, "All right, well, we'll just skip that part then. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." She started walking out, then turned and said, "You do need to take those pants off, though, I have some softer clothes for you to put on. Please do that."
She went in his room where she had left his clothes and returned to see that Jay had actually done as she asked and was nervously standing waiting for her.
Hailey smiled slightly, "Good job," she set the sweatpants on the counter and stepped closer with the shirt, "Is this okay?"
Jay nodded without looking at the shirt, not quite sure what she was asking, but knowing that he really didn't mind whatever it was.
"All right," Hailey breathed and helped get his arms and head through the holes. She pulled it down over his chest and smiled again, "Not too hard. We've got this." She grabbed his pants, "What're we thinking?"
Jay hesitated then took his pants from her and sat back down on the closed toilet. Hailey watched as he shakily pulled them on then stand and tug them up.
"Good job," Hailey said softly, "Okay, I made you a grilled cheese and soup," she put her hand out, but Jay shook his head.
"Gonna go to bed," Jay choked out.
"No, you need to eat," Hailey stepped closer to him, "Let's go. You've been drinking a lot, Jay, that's not healthy."
"I can't get sober," Jay said. It took Hailey aback. It was the strongest thing he'd said all day. His eyes were hard and determined as he gently pushed her to the side and walked to his room.
"Jay," Hailey said, following him.
"I need to sleep," Jay didn't look at her as he closed the door.
Hailey sighed and set her hand on the doorknob. She was about to walk in, but decided against it. She knew he had a hard day and she didn't want to push him further than he could handle – he might have even already been past that point.
She debated leaving, but her gut told her it was a bad idea, so she went to sit at the counter in his kitchen to eat the soup and sandwich on her own.
Hailey was settling down on the couch to sleep when she heard a soft crying coming from Jay's room. She shoved the blanket off of her and hurried over to the closed door, "Jay."
He didn't reply, but the crying sound didn't stop.
Hailey opened the door, "Jay."
He seemed frozen on the bed, tucked under several blankets to combat the start of fall in Chicago.
Hailey slowly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She watched his chest rise and fall quickly. She bit her lip then reached out to lightly shake his shoulder, wincing at how damp it was with presumably sweat.
Jay's eyes shot open and he grabbed her wrist, yanking her toward him.
"Jay," Hailey said loudly as she fell onto the bed.
He softened at the sound and loosened his grip on her wrist.
Hailey pushed herself up to face him and as they made eye contact, she watched his face fall in horror at what he'd done. He pulled his hand away from her quickly and got out of the bed, stumbling backwards.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered, "It…It usually d-doesn't happen if-if I've b-been drinking. I-I-"
"Shh, hey," Hailey sat up on her knees and put her hands out, "I'm okay. Come here, you don't look so good."
"C-Can't," Jay pulled at his shirt, his eyes darting across her face.
"You can't breathe?" Hailey guessed.
Jay nodded the slightest amount and walked further from her.
"No," Hailey said softly, "I'm here and I'm going to help you." She got off the bed and slowly made her way to him.
He shook his head quickly and tried getting away, but Hailey cornered him and gently set her hands on his arms.
"Has this happened before?" Hailey asked.
Jay nodded and pulled at his shirt collar.
"Okay," Hailey led him back to the bed, "What do you usually do?"
Jay looked at her and bit his lip; he knew she wouldn't agree with what he wanted to say.
"I don't think drinking's a good idea right now," Hailey whispered.
Jay closed his eyes, but quickly opened them again in a panic as the images from before rushed back into his mind.
"Let's lay down," Hailey said. She moved over on his bed, ignoring the way her jeans bothered her legs and pushed his blankets to the side.
"I can't hurt you," Jay breathed.
"You're not going to hurt me," Hailey shook her head, "Come here."
"I-I can't," Jay said. He tried hiding his shaking hands and stepped further away.
Hailey pursed her lips and thought over her words before saying slowly and sternly, "Jay, just relax. I don't know what you just experienced in your head, but it was enough to cause a panic attack. Lay here with me please."
Jay breathed shakily and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed.
"There you go," Hailey set a hand on his back, "Jay, you're shaking. Lay down."
He hesitated then laid on his side to face her.
Hailey smiled slightly. She wasn't expecting him to be facing her, but she was glad he did it. She wanted to make sure she could actually see him trying to breathe. She took a psychology class in college years before, so she tried racking her brain for some of what she learned about anxiety, panic attacks, and even PTSD.
Her eyes flickered down to his chest and noticed how he still seemed to be breathing rapidly.
She spotted his hand clenching the blankets and gently picked it up to hold over her heart. She swallowed, but pushed any butterflies in her stomach to the side and rubbed her thumb over his wrist.
"You need to slow down and breathe for me," Hailey said.
"I'm fine," Jay blushed.
Hailey laughed weakly, "Don't even start with me. You're shaking, you can't breathe, you're covered in sweat, and, I'm going to say it so we can acknowledge it, you were crying. It's okay that you're not okay."
Jay looked down at his hand over Hailey's chest. He closed his eyes and bit back a quiet sound in the back of his throat.
He started shaking again, so Hailey scooted closer to him and started taking deep, exaggerated breaths, "Breathe with me."
Jay seemed to fight it for a moment, but then gave in and started breathing with Hailey.
Hailey said nothing; she just kept breathing and squeezed his hand.
The laid in silence for close to ten minutes just breathing together until Jay's hand twitched over Hailey's chest and he blinked a few times. He swallowed and licked his lips then whispered, "Hailey."
"Yeah?" she breathed.
"Thanks for being here," he whispered.
Out of instinct, Hailey closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly, "I'm not going anywhere."
Jay closed his eyes and gripped her shirt.
Hailey pushed herself up slightly so she was situated above him and said, "When you're ready, we can talk. I know you don't want to, but we're going to talk a little at least, okay?"
Jay sighed, knowing there was no way she was going to let it up and just hoped that she'd fall asleep and forget, but his gut knew the chances of that happening were extremely slim.
As they laid there, Hailey felt Jay tensing every once in a while and when he would, she'd brush her fingers through the back of his hair and whisper, "It's okay, I'm here."
Jay was doing his hardest not to fall asleep and eventually the sleep exhaustion got to him and he found himself wanting to talk to stay awake. He mumbled, "Usually I don't get them when I've been drinking."
Hailey nodded, "Is that why you wanted to sleep right away?"
"Yeah," Jay breathed. He untangled himself from Hailey and rubbed his face.
"You don't want to sleep, do you?" Hailey guessed.
"Not really," Jay sighed.
Hailey sat up, "How about we watch TV?"
"You can go if you'd like," Jay said.
Hailey raised an eyebrow and looked around, "You're joking, right? You really think I'm going to leave you today?"
Jay blushed and pushed himself up on his elbows, "Hailey."
"Come on," Hailey lightly pushed his shoulder, "I made grilled cheese and tomato soup." She rolled out of bed and walked to the kitchen.
She started warming the soup back up and Jay stepped out of his room in a new t-shirt carrying a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, "You okay with staying the night?"
Hailey turned around and nodded, "Yeah, definitely."
Jay smiled a little and set the clothes on the counter, "Here you go then. More comfortable than jeans, right?"
Hailey smiled back at him, "I'm glad to hear your voice again."
Jay shrugged and sat on a bar stool, "Need to stay awake."
Hailey nodded, "Fair," she ladled the soup into a bowl and set it in front of him, "Be right back, okay?" she grabbed the clothes and went into the bathroom.
Jay took a deep breath and slowly started eating. He noticed his hand was still shaking and prayed that Hailey wouldn't notice when she came back out.
Based on the look on her face when she returned to the kitchen, she did notice and he was grateful she didn't say anything. Instead, she sat next to him at the counter and quietly ate.
Jay looked at her out of the corner of his eye and set his spoon down.
Hailey glanced at his bowl, "Want more?"
"Um, no, thank you though," Jay shook his head, "I…what do you want to know?" He put both hands in his lap and held onto the bottom of his shirt.
Hailey swallowed her soup, "Are you really going to answer?"
Jay blushed, "Maybe."
Hailey smirked slightly and shook her head, "Um," she took a deep breath, "What was your dream about?"
"Dive right in, don't you?" Jay breathed and wiped his hand under his nose, "Uh, it's this recurring one I have and – um – usually it's just my mom, but my dad was there this time too and…" he shrugged, "Guess I can't be too surprised. I was an ass to him, he should have the right to haunt me."
Hailey nodded along until the end. She scrunched her eyebrows together, "You don't…you don't deserve to be haunted with nightmares. That…Jay, that wasn't okay. No one deserves panic-"
"Don't call it that," Jay interrupted.
Hailey held back a sigh, "Okay, but do you understand what I'm saying?"
Jay shrugged and rubbed a hand over his leg.
"Are your…are your dreams always about your mom?" Hailey asked softly.
"No," Jay cleared his throat, "Just the one that happens the most often."
Hailey slowly nodded, "And the rest…?"
"What do you think?" Jay asked quietly and glanced at her.
Hailey bit her lip and whispered, "Got it."
Jay yawned and shook his head to wake himself up.
"You're going to need to sleep," Hailey said, "I don't think staying awake all night is the right idea." She stood and put their dishes in the sink, "I'll stay with you," she set a hand on his arm, "It was a long day."
"Hailey," Jay shook his head.
"No, come on," Hailey rubbed her thumb over his arm, "It's pretty late."
Jay sighed, "I can't."
"You can," Hailey wrapped her hand around his wrist, "I'll get rough."
Jay couldn't help but laugh, "I know you can get rough, but the idea of you saying that to me?"
Hailey raised an eyebrow, "I'm not afraid of you."
"Okay, okay," Jay stood, "We can go to bed."
"Mhmm," Hailey smirked and walked him to his room. She climbed into bed and curled up on her side, "What do you need?"
"A beer," Jay laid down.
"Not happening," Hailey shook her head, "Do you want me on you or do you need your space?"
"Honestly, I don't want to hurt you again," Jay said.
"What are you talking about?" Hailey asked, "You never hurt me in the first place."
"I could have," Jay whispered.
Hailey matched his tone, "You wouldn't have. I trust you." She slipped her hand in his, "We'll start with this, though, okay? If you want your space, I'll give it to you, but I think this might help ground you or something – remind you we're in Chicago."
Jay squeezed her hand, "I'd appreciate that."
"Good," Hailey smiled, "Now close your eyes and count sheep, we're sleeping now."
Jay chuckled, "Hails."
Hailey felt the blood rush to her cheeks, but she just closed her eyes, "Sleep, Jay."
Jay bit his lip and watched Hailey's face before quietly admitting, "I don't think I can."
Hailey opened an eye. She tried not to show the concern on her face as she pushed herself closer to Jay and pulled on his shoulder so he was on his stomach. She then covered them in as many blankets that she could reach on his bed.
Jay laughed softly, "What're you doing? I don't sleep like this."
"Shh," Hailey pulled the pillows around them to make a nest of sorts, "This is how I sleep when I've had a bad day. It's like a fort in bed."
Jay smiled and used his arms as a pillow.
"All right," Hailey said softly and set a hand on his back, "If you need anything at all, wake me up."
"You love your sleep," Jay said.
"I love-" Hailey stopped herself and the answer that she was about to sass back, and decided to say quietly, "You're more important to me than sleep."
Jay threw an arm around Hailey's waist and pulled her to his side.
Hailey yawned and tipped her head down to rest near his side. As she was falling asleep, she noticed that Jay's breathing seemed to be back to normal and his skin wasn't so clammy anymore. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was rubbing small circles on his back.
Jay woke in the morning to Hailey gently wiping a damp washcloth over his face and the back of his neck.
His stomach turned and he groaned while opening his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Hailey whispered.
"Drank too much," Jay rolled over onto his back, "What-What were you doing?"
"You never showered and you were pretty sweaty last night," Hailey said softly, "Was it okay?"
Jay smiled at her and nodded, "I didn't mind."
"Good," Hailey breathed and turned to drop the washcloth on the ground, "Good morning."
Jay chuckled, "Good morning."
"Sleep okay?" Hailey asked.
"Actually, yeah," Jay nodded, "Thank you for staying and," he waved his hand around his bed where most of the pillows and blankets still remained from where Hailey had set them hours before, "For doing this. It helped."
Hailey smiled, "I'm glad." She turned to lay on her back next to him and rested her hand next to his on the mattress, just barely touching her pinky to his.
"I'm starving," Jay eventually whispered and sat up.
"What do you usually eat for breakfast after a rough night?" Hailey asked.
Jay swung his legs off the bed, "Uh, toast?"
Hailey raised an eyebrow and sat up as well, "That's just sad. I was thinking pancakes at the very least. We need comfort food."
Jay laughed, "Really?"
"Oh yeah," Hailey got out of bed, "I'll drive and pay."
"You are not paying," Jay said.
Hailey looked over her shoulder at him, "Yes, I am. You really want to fight me on this, Halstead?"
"Hailey," Jay said, "You dropped what you were doing yesterday to come get me from my dad's funeral and then stayed with me all night even when I had a bad dream. Let me buy you breakfast."
Hailey shook her head, "Not gonna happen. Now let's go, I know just the place."
The traffic was bad. Hailey wasn't surprised since it was a Sunday morning, but she was definitely annoyed. She took a turn down a side street and whispered mostly to herself, "Please help."
"Wait," Jay looked around, "Go back."
"Too much traffic," Hailey shook her head, "I swear this will work."
"No," Jay shook his head, "Really, I don't mind sitting in traffic. We could talk more."
Hailey glanced at him, "Jay, you're a great guy and I love talking to you, but I hate traffic with a passion."
Jay sighed and rubbed his face before looking out the window.
If Hailey wasn't so annoyed at the traffic, she would have noticed Jay starting to rub his legs and glance around outside nervously while chewing his lip.
Hailey had to slow down the car in front of a park and took a deep breath, "Maybe we should have waited like half an hour."
Jay didn't answer though and continued staring at the park to his right.
Hailey changed the radio station, "You prefer listening to music than talking, right?"
Jay ignored her and unbuckled his seatbelt.
Hailey looked at him, "What're you doing?"
Jay unlocked her car and walked out, heading into the park on his own.
"Jay, what the hell?" Hailey looked around and when the coast was clear, she drove her car quickly into the parking lot of the park before jumping out and running after Jay.
She slowed as she realized where he was going – the baseball diamond. She bit her lip and paused near the bleachers.
Jay walked to the pitcher's mound and lightly kicked the dirt. He turned and stared out at the field then sat on the ground.
Hailey gave him a few minutes on his own before walking out to him. She lowered herself into the dirt and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"He taught me how to play," Jay breathed, "He couldn't coach, his temper was too short, but he came to every game. We'd come here and he'd throw bucket after bucket of balls at me and I'd hit them until the street lights came on – that's when my mom said we had to be home."
Hailey smiled and rested her chin on her knees.
Jay turned slightly and pointed toward a large oak tree, "Apparently that's where my dad proposed to my mom. That's his story. My mom would say he proposed in the car, but she always laughed and would roll her eyes. Is that weird? They both had different memories of where they got engaged."
"Maybe different things were important to them about that night," Hailey suggested.
Jay shrugged and swirled his fingers in the dirt, "He was a decent dad when we were younger. It was when we were in high school that things got weird. We had different paths than what he wanted. Can you picture me as a pipefitter?" He rolled his eyes, "Never, but it's what he dreamed I'd be. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps." He lowered his voice and said, "You're telling me you watched me earn a living and support this family with my own two hands and you want to be a police officer? You want to drive around and stop robberies?" his voice started shaking and he blinked his eyes quickly, "Y-You think that's a hardworking job?"
Hailey set her hand over his and squeezed gently. Did her own dad say something similar to her? Yes, but this was Jay's moment and his memory and she shouldn't steal that from him.
"I've worked all these years thinking he wasn't proud," Jay whispered, "And even these past few days I've had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that he was, but…he had this picture from my graduation at the academy and," he swallowed hard, "I found newspaper clippings in his room from some cases I was involved with," his voice cracked, "I think he was, Hailey, I think he was proud."
Hailey crawled on her knees to sit in front of him before silently hugging him and holding his head to her shoulder.
Jay cried into her shirt and held onto her, trying to find the words to say, but everything just died in his throat.
Hailey tried soothing him as best as she could by running her hands over his back and whispering quietly in his ear, "I know," "It's hard," "You're okay," "I'm not leaving you."
Neither knew how much time had passed when Jay finally pulled away from her. "God," he breathed and pressed his hands into his eyes, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Hailey shook her head, "I'm not judging you."
Jay tried to laugh and put his hands on his knees, "I treated you horribly this last week and now I'm crying on you in the middle of a freaking baseball diamond after keeping you up last night with my PTSD."
Hailey was glad to hear that he was acknowledging what had happened, but she didn't like that he was beating himself up so much, so she said, "Jay, I know you're embarrassed, I know you and I can see it on your face, but please don't be. I'm glad that you're sharing this and talking and I'm really, really proud of you. The last 24 hours was hard and I didn't expect you to get through it unscathed. We always say we're partners, right? Partners in every sense of the word. I might not know exactly what you're going through right now, but I for sure know I'm not going anywhere."
Jay nodded and rubbed his fist under his nose.
"When you're ready," Hailey said softly and rubbed his arm.
Jay took a deep breath and looked back at the field. He smiled at some memory he kept to himself then stood and held his hand out for Hailey.
She took it and stood with his help.
"Thank you, Hailey," Jay said.
She nodded and knocked her shoulder against his, "You are very welcome."
Jay put his hands in his pockets and started walking back to the parking lot with her, "And now I think I could say you really met my dad. He loved this place."
Hailey smiled, "Thank you for introducing me to him then."
Jay nodded and took a deep breath, "Mind if we change our plans and head to this diner he'd take Will and I too when we'd get an A on our report cards?"
Hailey laughed softly, "I would love that."
"Perfect," Jay smiled.
A/N: Gosh, this turned out way longer than I was expecting, but I'm super proud of it and I hope you all liked it! There will definitely be more parts to this one all around the same theme :) Thank you for reading!
PS…points to you if you were able to pick out the couple lines I stole from my flashback chapter of "We Can" (Chapter 30). ;) You all know I love finding ways to connect each of my stories.