Drag the Light Away

"Sam."

Sam closed his eyes and let out a breath. He didn't turn around, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't want to vent on someone that didn't deserve anger. And he was still trying to make up for other things even though there had been some progress recently. He let out a slight hiss when he felt the gentle touch on his shoulder.

Angela chewed her lip when she heard Sam hiss like he was in pain. Her reaction would have been to pull away, but she steeled herself and left her hand on his shoulder. She appealed to him again, "Sam."

Sam knew he had to saw something but the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her feelings again. "Angie… please…"

"If you are asking me to leave you alone… I can't do that. Not now," she replied as she looked at the back of his head. "I… am willing to let you vent. You won't hurt my feelings."

It was probably unnecessary to say that, but Angela sensed that Sam needed some sort of reassurance that she wasn't going retreat from him because he shouted at her. She was made of sterner stuff, but she candidly admitted that Sam was the only person to truly hurt her and a close second was Dean. She put it down as to the love she felt for the brothers Winchester and it made sense. She cried when they did, or wouldn't shed a tear. She cried when they were in pain. She shared their small joys.

Sam sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to go away. He heard what she said and replied, "But I always do. Not intentionally but I do."

"Sam, if you really wanted to hurt me, you'd know how," she pointed out. "Besides, we don't always agree on things but we work it out. That is what marriage is. At least to me."

Sam finally turned around and looked at her. She was looking at him with that same pointed look that could turn into the look that he hated above all else. It was the one that said that she wanted to talk and they were going to and it would either be easy way or hard way; it was dealer's choice, meaning his. He sighed, "But… I'm really… really angry."

"I am too."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at that. It was a wry one. "Really?"

"Oh yes. I'm still mad at the whole nymph thing but I'm working on forgiveness," she replied. She then added, "And I'm angry at Billie, the Empty, Chuck, the fact that I had to fix the washing machine again…" She looked at Sam. "What makes you angry now?"

Sam had to give her credit. She should have been a shrink, or probably was one at some point. "You should have been a shrink," he voiced out loud.

"I was… once. Still am." Angela gave a slight smile at that.

Sam couldn't help but smile with her. He sobered quickly though and said, "Just… everything."

"If you are talking about the fact that Jack will die by going through Billie's plan… I am just as upset. Every fibre of my being says that there has to be another way. Maybe it's the mother in me," Angela admitted. "Jack is like my own. I love him as I love Jess and I never blamed him for what happened to Mary."

That had Sam look at her. He knew that she tried to direct her rage at the party that deserved it. She was prone to bouts of emotional outburst just like anyone else. The difference was that she tried and if she made a mistake, she tried to fix it. Even if it was a painful solution on her end.

Angela blinked and gave a sad smile, "I knew that Mary felt out of place here. And I knew that Jack was having issues with the no soul. I tried." Her eyes started to tear. "So when I learned what happened, I wasn't angry with him. I didn't blame him."

"You blamed yourself."

Angela nodded, "I know when things are heavily my fault. That was on me, but I know how Jack feels. I know that what he wants the most is Dean's forgiveness." She sighed and said, "I know I should be full of frothing rage at Billie for this plan, but I am not. Pissed maybe, but…" She looked at Sam in the eye and finished, "But I know that this is probably the only way. I don't like it and wish for another way, but…"

Sam didn't need her to explain anymore. He gently interrupted, "I'm angry at Dean. I mean… I thought we were past this secret crap."

Angela stared at Sam. She was prepared to let him vent. That was the trouble with the Winchester boys. They bottled it in and then it exploded and usually in a fistfight that didn't really solve anything. This could be one of those times and was why she sought him out, to talk to him and get him to give voice to what he really was angry about. She voiced, "But it really hasn't been addressed, has it?" She peered at Sam and waited for him to speak.

Sam looked at her a bit incredulous at her response, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you say that you were past it but even the last few years harbored some secrets that… didn't end well," she pointed out. "I would say that rare fits of temper showed."

Sam thought about it and realized what she was getting at. He countered, "I think this is different Angie. I mean this is Jack we are talking about. You said it yourself that you love him like Jess. And Dean… he sat on it. It's like he doesn't trust me."

Angela was quiet as she watch the man she loved break down. She had learned long ago that sometimes you didn't have to say anything. The silence did the talking for you.

"It's not that I'm angry at what could happen to Jack. I actually don't accept that. I'm angry that Dean didn't tell me and we could have worked it out. I mean, that was how it was supposed to be." Sam vented, knowing that he was probably going to say something that he would regret. "And I can't believe he just swallowed it and he says that I wouldn't be able to handle it?"

Angela looked at him. Finally she said, "You both are the same and yet very different."

"What?" Sam stopped ranting and looked at her in puzzlement.

"You and Dean," she replied, "Are the same but different. You both don't like it that Jack is preparing to sacrifice himself for this and yet the difference is, that Dean resigned himself to doing what it takes. You… as he says… second guess. Both are not wrong."

Sam blinked at that. Angela was never one to pick sides when it came to him and his brother. Unless, the other was deserving of it. "Then what is right?"

"I don't know," she admitted.

Sam turned away, feeling worse than before. He sighed and put his hands on his hips as he stared at nothing. He got the feeling that this conversation was fruitless.

"I don't know, what is right in this case, because this is the best option before us. I hate it because someone has to die. I agree with it because Chuck needs to be stopped," she said at Sam's back. "You once asked me about why I degrade myself at times. This is why.

"Decisions like these, where it is the damned if you do and damned if you don't. In the wars that I've been involved with… it was me that made those decisions. I had to literally tell someone that they had to die in order to save everyone. Sometimes it is taken from me but I'm the one responsible, the leader. The song is the same but the verse is different every time and it's decisions like these that haunt me still. I may be whimsical at times but it is because I see the larger picture, how precious life is. It pains me that Jack is willing to do this."

Sam had closed his eyes as he listened to her. She rarely told about her life before them and it was always a treat when it was about when she was a child. She never liked to talk about when she fought in wars or those moments in history that they teach in school.

"If you want to know, I think Dean was stupid for not saying something, but I understand his reasons. And maybe… he just didn't know how to say it. To me it was taken out of his hands when Billie showed up; he was forced to tell you and he was willing to get you pissed from it." Angela sighed and looked down. "I know you are angry, but Dean is angry too and deep down, you are the same as with me: scared of the unknown with this plan."

It was like a shot to the heart when she said that. It was the truth though. Sam was scared and his reaction was anger. Dean did the same. It just hurt that Dean seemed to think that he couldn't handle it. How was he to know if he wasn't told the pros and cons of everything? A part of him saw that this was Dean's old way of protecting him, but in the end, that wore thin and ended up with them becoming estranged for a while.

Angela stared at her husband's back. She had said what needed to be said. She left Sam alone to think more about what was said. Time to find Dean and have a talk. She smiled slightly as she remembered the first time she had to do this. She ended up scaring and impressing Dean at the same time, but the point was driven home. Ten years later, she was doing it again. Some things didn't change.

Sam turned around to find that Angela had gone as quietly as she came. He could still smell her scent in the room and sighed. She had made her point and while he was still reluctant to talk to his brother, he knew that he was going to have to eventually. And that talk would need to include Jack. It now made sense why Castiel left when he did. The angel knew and was going to try and find another way, but Sam got the sinking feeling that it wasn't going to be the case.

Feeling a little less angry, Sam left the room and when to walk through the bunker. He ended up running into Dean in the kitchen. He stared at his brother and Dean stared back at him. Neither one of them said anything since neither of them knew what to say. After all, 'I'm sorry' was used so much that they both asked the question: did that mean anything anymore?

A/N: Sam is trying to deal with the fact that Dean kept a vital piece of information from him regarding Billie's plan for Jack. Angela gives him something to think about, not taking either side. It leaves a question that has been festering. Tag to Drag me Away (From You).