A/N: So, this was something I wrote over a year ago that I'd intended to put in A Hand to Hold. However, I eventually realized I just wouldn't have time, that the premise didn't really work, and that Kurama and Asaki aren't these people anymore. Because of this, the characterizations are a bit off from how they are currently. However, I spent a lot of time on this particular story, and I figure this collection is as good a place as any to share it. Think of it as an AU story. Not part of my canon. It's part one, so this will take a few updates to get through. I hope you all enjoy, and thank you for the reviews and suggestions. I look forward to sharing more with you!
What a long day. Despite how much I enjoy having class with Rikka, Minako, and Kenta, it's still boring when the teachers ramble on and on about things I've known since before their great-grandparents were born. Not even Minako passing me a note with a far-too accurate drawing of our teacher's head on a chicken's body could stave off the boredom for long.
Sliding off my shoes, I make my way to the fridge, eyeballing the astounding lack of good-looking food when the phone rings. Very few people have this number, and none of them would call me over using the communicators Koenma gave us, so I wonder who it could be.
"Hello?"
"Is this Miss Anno?"
"This is she." There's a little bit of noise in the background, and I don't recognize the voice, but the speaker sounds professional like she's calling me from work.
"You're listed as an emergency contact for Mrs. Shiori Hatanaka. She's here at Mushiyori General Hospital."
I almost drop the phone. "Is she all right?"
"She's very ill, Miss Anno. We're keeping her in room 304, but she can't have more than one visitor at a time. If you wish to come see her, please check in with us at the front desk."
"Of course. Thank you very much." I hang up, grab a can of coffee from the fridge, and head out the front door, changing into human form. My feet can't carry me fast enough, but I run anyway, my heart pounding in my throat. Shiori. What does "very ill" mean? What can that possibly mean? I remember Kurama telling me that a sickness had nearly claimed her once before and how he'd nearly forfeited his own life to save her. This can't be that bad, can it?
My head is swimming, and it doesn't stop, even as I will my feet to move faster, the train I take to get to Mushiyori to speed up, don't stop, please, go, go, go. Getting off at my destination, I run at full-stride, ignoring the concerned looks from the people around me. There's no time for caution, no time for caring how others see me. I need to get to Shiori.
I'm so wrapped up in my own fears and worries that I smack right into someone who'd also been sprinting toward the hospital's front door. Arms come around me, and I look up into Kurama's face, my breath catching in my throat. "Asaki," he breathes, and he pulls me close for a moment. My hands fist in his shirt, and I have to hold back the wave of panic that threatens to rush over me. He's...trembling. When he lets me go, I take his hand, and we step inside without another word.
"I'm looking for Shiori Hatanaka." Kurama says to the lady at the front desk. Frenetic energy is pouring off of him, and it sets me even more on edge. Kurama's gripping my hand so very tightly.
"Are you one of her emergency contacts?" the nurse asks, typing something into her computer.
"Her son," Kurama says, pulling out an ID. I do the same, and the nurse looks them over before typing a few more things into her computer.
"Okay. It looks like she's already got two visitors, so you'll have to wait outside her room, but I'll let you back." She waves down another nurse who escorts us to the elevator. Once we're inside, I use my free hand to rub Kurama's arm, trying to give him whatever comfort I can. He doesn't react, and so I stop just as the doors open. Stepping into the hallway, I stumble, unsteady on my feet, dropping Kurama's hand, and he continues on without me for a few steps before he freezes as though he'd forgotten, in his haste, that I was here.
I shake my head and step forward, keeping pace with him and trying not to think about how awful that just made me feel. I know there are more important things to worry about right now than the fact that I play second fiddle to his mother, but I don't want to be reminded of it.
When we get to her room, it's to find Kokoda sitting on a chair outside. He stands when he sees us, his hands balled into fists at his sides. "Shuichi. Asaki. She's...Mom's…." He trails off, looking away from us.
"Is Father in there?" Kurama asks.
"He is. If you let him know you're here…." He swallows hard, and Kurama nods, brushing past his younger brother and knocking on the door. After a second, he opens it and steps inside.
"Is she...what happened?" I can't find the right words, but I know those aren't it.
"I don't know," Kokoda says. His voice gets more frantic as the words come out, talking faster and faster. "I just came home from school and found her lying on the couch. She was breathing heavy, and she didn't respond when I tried to talk to her. I panicked, and I called for an ambulance."
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone," I say. "You did well."
"Thanks," he mumbles. "I just wish...I wish I could do something to help her."
Me too. "You've already done so much," I say, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Sit down and rest, okay?"
"Mm-hm." He does as I ask, and I look at the door, taking a deep breath. The nurse had said only one visitor at a time over the phone, but no one has come out yet.
I sigh, taking a seat beside Kokoda and putting my head in my hands, counting the tiles on the floor to distract myself from the dread I'm feeling. Things just can't go smoothly for more than a few weeks, can they? There's always got to be some new catastrophe.
After what feels like ages, Kazuya steps out of Shiori's room, looking exhausted. When he sees me sitting beside his son, he says, "You can go in, but it's…." He runs a hand over his face.
I nod, getting to my feet. "Thank you." He doesn't respond, so I walk past him into his wife's room. The moment I step inside, I know that everything is wrong. Kurama is sitting in a chair at his mother's bedside, one of her hands clasped in both of his as he leans over, eyes closed almost like he's praying. Shiori's face is so pale, contorted in pain. Occasionally, she shivers, and I can see sweat beading on her forehead.
I swallow hard, walking over to Kurama and putting a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't look up, but I hadn't expected him to. "What's wrong with her?" I ask, my voice sounding flat. Seeing her like this is hard to process, but I'm sure I'm doing it wrong. All the panic in my chest from only moments ago has disappeared, replaced with an overwhelming sense of nothing.
"It's a relapse," Kurama says. "A few years ago, she had the same sickness, and because of Yusuke, she managed to get better. It's back now, and the doctors say it's worse than last time. They...don't think she's going to make it."
"There's nothing they can do?" I ask.
"Nothing they didn't try last time." His words are brittle, and when he lifts his head, I can see the dark look in his eyes. Even that doesn't bring feeling back to me. I still just feel horribly numb. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I knew that eventually, Shiori would die, but I thought I had more time with her. I've only known her for three years, and already, I'm going to lose her. The only mother I've ever had, and she's dying just like my own did all those years ago.
A nurse steps into the room, a clipboard in her hand. When she sees both of us, she frowns, and I take my hand from Kurama's shoulder. "I'll be outside, okay?"
"Mm."
Bowing to the nurse, I step outside, sinking to the floor, my back against the wall as I pull my knees up to my chest. There has to be some way to fix this. I can't lose her too.
"Hey, Asaki?"
I look up to find Kokoda extending a hand to me. "I can't sit here like this. Want to go for a walk?"
"Sure." I take his hand, and he helps me to my feet. "We'll be right back, Kazuya," I say, and he nods weakly.
"All right."
Kokoda and I head down the hall, making straight for the elevator. We can't really walk around the rooms, so I figure we'll probably head to the first floor common areas so we're not in anyone's way.
Once we get in the elevator, Kokoda leans against the wall, crossing his arms. "I don't know what to do," he grunts. "This is the second mom I've lost."
"Me too," I say, staring down at my shoes. They're shiny and black, and I realize I'm still in my school uniform. I hadn't had time to change after I got home.
The elevator reaches the first floor, and we make our way down to the garden on the hospital campus. I don't know how long we spend there, but it's dark by the time we come inside again, not really saying much. It's just a companionable silence, taking comfort in one another just being there.
We head to the cafeteria, forcing ourselves to eat as much as we can, which is very little, and getting some food to go for the two we left behind. When we finally return to the room, neither of us wants to go in. Standing outside, food in our hands, I take a deep breath, and Kokoda does the same. We exchange a look and a sad smile before I push the door open.
Kazyua is now in the chair, holding Shiori's hand, and Kurama is leaning against the wall. Neither of them look up when we come in, but I hadn't really expected them to. Shiori looks like she's sleeping now, which is a small blessing because her face seems a little more at peace.
"We brought food," Kokoda says, passing a box to both of them.
"Thank you," Kurama says, finally looking away from his mother to thank his stepbrother. His eyes are red and he looks like he's aged years in a single day. I can't think of anything to say, and even if I could, I doubt I'd be able to get the words out right now.
Kokoda and I watch the other two men pretend to eat, but I know they want to as much as we had. When visiting hours are over, there's hardly a bite gone. The four of us leave Shiori behind, and I feel weak, like I'm leaving a piece of myself with her.
I walk with them, back to their home, not thinking about where I'm going until we get there. Staring up at the house, I sigh, digging a hand into my hair. "If you guys need me, you know where I'll be," I manage to say.
"Thanks for everything, Asaki," Kokoda says.
"Of course." Kurama doesn't turn to look at me, his fists clenched tightly, so I press a hand to his back, willing a little bit of my warmth into him. "I'll come to see her tomorrow after class." With that, I leave, my every step getting heavier and heavier. The train ride home feels like it ends in an instant, but when I get off at the station, I don't head home. Instead, my feet carry me to the cemetery where my mother is buried.
I kneel down in front of her tombstone, not all that surprised to find fresh flowers there. My father comes here more often than I'd initially suspected. Mayumi and Takumi have admitted to seeing him around quite a few times when they were tending to the grounds.
Reaching out, I touch one of the flowers, the bloom snapping from its stem. It falls into my palm, and I open my mouth to sigh. What comes out instead is something like a bark as a sob gets stuck in my throat. Tears stream from my eyes as I press a hand to my mouth, trying so hard to stifle the sobs ripping from my chest. Please no. Not again. I can't lose her like this.
I feel arms wrap around me, and I jump, looking up into Botan's purple eyes. What is she doing here? "Come on, dear. Let's get you home," she murmurs, her voice soft and gentle. She helps me to my feet, and walks me back to my place, coming inside with me. After leaving me in my room, she heads into the main house only to come back with two mugs of steaming tea.
"Koenma told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Asaki."
I nod, not trusting myself to speak as I take a sip of my tea. Of course it's hibiscus and rosehip. What else would this crazy lady have made for me? It smells amazing, and the taste manages to settle my frayed nerves as well as anything could right now.
"I've let the others know, and everyone will come and see her tomorrow. Even Yusuke said he'd be able to make it."
"That's good," I mumble.
"Just get some rest, all right? I'll come and check on you tomorrow as well."
"Okay. Thank you, Botan." She leaves, and I barely register the sound of the door closing before I set my mug down, curl up under the covers and struggle to fall asleep.
…
The next few days are the definition of miserable. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and even Hiei come to see Shiori, and every time they do, Kurama is there. As soon as he gets out of work, that's where he goes. When I come to the hospital room, we don't say much to each other, and after a while I give up trying to talk. Kurama's too upset for that, I guess.
It hurts that he won't let me comfort him or even be sad with him, but I know how important his mother is. How important she's become to me. Going over to the Hatanaka house is pretty bad too, but I check in on things to make sure everyone's okay and that everything is running smoothly. It isn't, but I do my best to help, cooking sometimes, cleaning, whatever I can do to keep myself busy.
About a week after Shiori's initial diagnosis, I find Kurama crying in his mother's room. That sight is what finally does it. I walk out of the room, passing Kokoda in the hall as I make my way out of the hospital.
"Asaki?"
"If he asks," I say, preempting any further questions, "tell him I'm going to see my father." He won't ask, but just in case.
Kokoda nods, and I know he understands what I'm getting at. Kurama hasn't asked about me since his mother got sick. He's not about to start now.
I use the phone at the front desk to phone one of my father's attendants, and a car pulls up to take me to the mansion. It's a long drive to my father's, but it's enough to clear my head a little and solidify my plans. As I step onto the grounds of his Living World mansion, a few guards in black suits approach me.
"Miss Anno. What brings you here today?" one of them asks me.
"I'm here to see my father," I say. "Is he home?"
"He is. Permit me to escort you." So, with my father's guards beside me, I make my way to the front door. From there, another servant takes me to his office. I wonder if he just lives there among his papers and books.
"Asaki," he says when I step inside. "Dare I ask what disaster brings my darling daughter here today?"
I swallow hard, not wanting to rise to his bait. "I need to use your library."
He shakes his head. "For what purpose?"
"Because I need to help someone very important to me, and I know I've read a way to do so in one of your books."
Sighing, he pinches the bridge of his nose. "You're planning something stupid."
I ball my hands into fists, taking a deep breath. "I know that. But if it saves her life, I have to do this. I have to."
My father gets to his feet and walks over to me, his expression unreadable. When he stops before me, I flinch as he raises his hand. What I'm not expecting is for him to brush a tear from my eye. I hadn't even noticed I was crying.
"Who is it?"
So, I tell him. I tell him all about Shiori Hatanaka's kindness, the way she's looked out for me, loved me, and makes me feel like I'm her own daughter. And, he listens in a way that my father has never listened to me before. He doesn't interrupt, doesn't deride me or make me feel small. He just...listens. Even when I describe her illness and the way it's destroying the man I love, he doesn't say a thing.
"What do you plan to do?" he asks me once I've let it all out.
"I'm going to save her," I reply simply.
"There is no easy way to do so. Are you prepared to risk your life for a human?"
I nod, saying, "Yes. Father, I know you loved Mother. Would you not have put her happiness above all else?"
"I did," he says. "Every second of every day we spent together, I did."
"Then you'll understand. Kurama's happiness is more important than my life."
He stares at me for a long moment before sighing. "You're so much like your mother. She treated others with the same devotion that you do."
"Thank you, Father." While he's the last person I'd expect so much kindness from, I appreciate it more than I can properly express.
"Use my library, Asaki, but know that I don't approve of what you're doing. Think carefully." With that, he turns to leave.
For the first time in a very long time, I throw my arms around him, hugging him from behind and whispering, "Thank you."
He roughly shrugs me off. "I didn't raise a stupid child," he grunts before stepping out into the hall.
Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for the task ahead, and then make my way to the library. It doesn't take long to find the book I need, and it only takes five minutes for me to get the passage I'm looking for.
"Here goes," I whisper, pouring through it as I start to stockpile energy. When I'm done, I put it away and dash out of the house, hitching a ride right back to the hospital. This has to work. It has to. And when it does, Kurama and his family will be happy and whole again.
If I don't make it, he'll be sad for a while, but his mother is his world. I could never compare to that love. I'm scared, but if I can do something to pay this family back for everything they've done, it'll be worth it.
When I get to the hospital, I head into Shiori's room first to find Kurama sitting right where I'd left him. It's late, but he hasn't moved an inch. He glances up at me when I come in, looking tired.
"How was your day?" he asks me, his words slow and soft.
"As good as it could be," I say, shrugging as I walk over to him. "Hey, Kurama?"
"Hm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Asaki." He looks a little confused, but he's smiling just a bit. This is probably the most we've spoken since this happened. It's a shame it's so late.
"I just wanted to make sure you knew that."
He nods. "Of course." I kiss his forehead, and he says, "Asaki, what is it?"
"Nothing," I reply, smiling softly. "I'm going to head home, but I wanted to see you."
"All right." That's all I get from him, but it's okay. Everything will be all right soon.
When I leave the room, I call Kokoda using the hospital phone. He'd apparently gone home in the hours I'd spent at my father's. "Hey, kid."
"What's up, Asaki? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I need a big favor."
"What is it?"
"I need you to get Kurama out of that hospital room. He's going to make himself sick too like that."
"I'll try, but I don't think he's going to move."
"Thank you, Kokoda." I hang up and wait outside the room, hiding around the corner. About a half hour later, Kokoda walks in. Ten minutes later, both he and Kurama walk out.
I watch him walk away, whispering, "Goodbye, guys."
Stepping into the room, I put up a barrier in case someone comes back in and tries to stop me. What am I repelling? Nosy men. I see Shiori's breathing has picked up again, her heart rate higher than it should be. Not for long as I place a hand on her forehead, wincing at how hot it is. "Don't worry," I whisper. "I've got you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you, Shiori."
With that, I crank my healing powers up as high as they can go, pressing one hand against her lips and the other against her forehead, mumbling the words from the book that would transfer her sickness to me. The world starts to spin, and I can feel her illness like a black cloud flooding into me, bombarding me with so much pain, so much agony I can't breathe.
My legs give out, and I crumple to the floor, my world throbbing. I scream in pain as the healing power snaps in the air, gone as though I'd never done a thing. My everything hurts like crazy. It's not just Shiori's illness, it's a kickback from the spell. Lives aren't meant to be meddled with like this, and I know that. This is what I get for sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I register a creaking sound, and a gasp.
It takes all of my willpower to look up, my eyes meeting Shiori's as she stares at me, surprised. I manage a smile before my world goes dark.