Hm. Crazy things happened. Then COVID happened. Then I was working from home. With an 18months old. Now I'm on bedrest for risk of preterm labor (I'm 32 weeks).

It's been a trying few months. I hope you're all safe out there!

Runt of the litter

Part 4

"I mean it ain't much, but it's better than the couch. Gonna give you some privacy too."

Kagome stared at the small, cluttered space that was located at the back of his apartment. It was clear he had been using it as a storage space, considering the pile of dusty boxes and plastic containers stacked in it. Did he really have somewhere else to put all of his belongings? She knew she couldn't go home yet, not if she wanted to keep her family safe, but she felt bad about imposing on his whole life. "Are you sure?"

He took a few steps forward, allowing himself to stand in front of her. "we've talked about this before you're pack, you've accepted me as your alpha. Taking care of ya is my job. My responsibility. I ain't gonna keep you in the living room. We don't know how long this dog business is gonna last."

She felt her heart sink at his words; what if she could never go home? What if she had to live in the shadows for the rest of her life while everyone she loved and knew thought she was dead? A slight tremble quaked her bottom lip while she foolishly tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. It was the subtle graze of his fingers across her chin that pulled her away from the sadness growing within, forcing her to gaze up at him. Suddenly she was aware of the closeness of his body, his larger frame trapping her between him and the door with no possible escape. She held her breath, her lips parting as he glanced down.

"Don't worry, we'll fix it. I'm working on it." He would have the guys come over so they could help her get set up while he was meeting the monk. He would try to get to the bottom of it.

"Thank you," were the only words she croaked out. It was overwhelming, the sadness, his presence. Every day she found his aura more imposing, more demanding, as it called out to her very core. Was this what it meant to belong to a pack? To have an alpha? One more beat passed before he pulled his hand away from her chin.

"I gotta take care of a few things, but Ginta and Hakkaku are gonna give you a hand." He didn't want to share everything with her. He didn't want to give her false hope in case it didn't pan out. Once he knew more, he would update her.

"That's not necessary," she dismisses with a wave of the hand. "I got it."

He chuckled. "Are ya gonna make me repeat my whole pack speech? We help each other, that's what we do." That and she was newly transformed. He would feel better knowing that she wasn't left all by herself.

For the second time, his commanding presence kept her quiet, and she found herself nodding because she could even register what she was doing.

"Good. They'll be here in a minute or two, then you can all get started."

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice still raspy from the damaged that had been inflicted on her throat. "For everything."

"You don't gotta thank me… I'm-"

"The alpha. It's your job," she finished for him, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She knew the speech by now.

He grinned in return, before reaching out for the top of her head and tousling her hair. "Good. It's finally sinking in." He didn't want to be thanked- it wasn't why he was doing this. He took care of his own. He didn't care if she joined years ago or a few days back: she was his. He retraced his arm, ready to walk past her when he was stopped by her delicate fingers wrapping themselves around his biceps, stopping him.

By the time her actions dawned on her, it was too late. Her cheeks burned a bright red color as she stared down at her hands, her fingers pressing into his skin: she wanted to die. She—she hadn't meant to grab him—it was all so sudden. He had touched her head; she had wanted to lean into his touch, but he had so quickly taken it away that desperation had taken hold of her as, as though her body was no longer hers to control. Her growing shame was rendering her speechless, making it impossible for her to even come up with a pathetic attempt to explain her rash behaviour… she couldn't speak, she couldn't think. But she could easily feel the burn of his gaze.

There was a small smile on his lips as he watched her tight grip; he knew what it was. Regular wolves always felt an attachment to their alpha. It came with the territory. It was an unspoken bond that formed quicker than any other. He could only imagine how much more intense it was for her. After all, she had known this type of bond as a bitten, and she was still newly transformed, which meant she was most likely overwhelmed by the new feelings and sensations. What he didn't know was how to defuse the situation without embarrassing her. It was natural for her to feel a dependance towards her alpha and at this point, he was the only 'familiar' face left in her life while everything else was in shamble. He didn't want her to feel shame.

"I'll be quick. I was thinkin' maybe you're ready for something other than eggs," he tried, his cocky smile back on his face. Anything to put her at ease.

Unable to find her voice, she managed a weak nod as she loosened her grip.

He took advantage of the newfound freedom to walk away from her while she let her arms fall into the emptiness. She would never live this down. She allowed her body to slide down the door, her eyes closing as she sat down on the floor. This new mind, this new body, all the instincts and emotions taking over… she could hardly recognize herself. Her breathing rate picked up as she wondered how to cope; would she always be this… out of control? How was she supposed to lose her life, her family - her entire world, and become this new thing while also staying Kagome? Then again, who was Kagome, and could she still hold on to her or would it be less painful in the long run if she learned to let it go? Her chest caved in under a sigh of desperation that shook her ribs. She was lost, and she was alone. No one could help with this; it was her new reality, one no one else understood…

-R-

"I think we both know you didn't find a body."

Miroku found himself grateful that he had been taking a sip of his coffee as Kouga hand cut straight to the chase. Although he had some suspicions, he was glad his mug was there to shield away some of his surprise from the wolf's eyes.

He had detected a strange scent of the monk the second he had walked in, which was why he had decided to not play games anymore. They both knew something, and Kouga's goal was to sort this out. The sadness and shame rolling off Kagome's aura had been impossible to ignore, and he anted to bring back some good news for her.

Miroku finally put down his mug, never breaking eye contact. "You mean the girl."

"You know exactly what I mean." It was not like he hadn't smelled the dogs on the monk before, but he had other scents as well, which had lead Kouga to assume there was no alliance between him and the dogs. Plus, he highly doubted he would let murder slide. Covering up the fact that she was alive clearly showed he had nothing to do with whoever had tried to murder her in the first place. That earned him some trust.

"I take it you know where the body is." Inuyasha would be happy to know she was alive.

"She's safe," was as much as he was willing to share with an outsider.

Miroku chuckled. "I have to say, I've never heard of a wolf taking in a stray dog." Poor Inuyasha thought the wolves had eaten her; if only he knew the truth.

Kouga's glance hardened. "And I didn't think we let dirty dogs murder and turn humans, but here we are." He had done the honorable thing when faced with a dilemma. It was a lot more that could be said about those filthy dogs.

Miroku held back a wince. "I am familiar with the one who saved her, not with the one who took her life." At most, he had heard his name, but he had never met him.

"Is he the one who asked you to say she was dead?"

"He's trying to protect her. Turning her was the only way to save her."

"It's that ice Lord who did it, isn't it?" Kouga asked, his grip on his own mug tightening.

Miroku sighed; they left scents behind, it would seem. "I don't have the whole story I'm afraid."

"So whoever bit her wants her safe and hidden?" If even a dog had no control over this…

"Yes, she is important to him. He will be happy to know that she is indeed safe." He might be a little less happy that she was with a wolf, but it was much better than the alternative.

"No, because he's not gonna know." Kouga leaned forward. "You owe me, monk. You're not gonna tell that dog anything. I don't want him sniffing around and she doesn't need that kind of confusion right now. He left her there, he has no rights over her. He might have turned her to save her life, but then he abandoned her. A newbie can't be left on their own like that. What the fuck was he thinking?" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You're not telling him shit. Unless you're telling me you're not a man of your word, monk? If that's the case, we're gonna have a problem."

The threat was clear and obvious, but that wasn't what Miroku picked up on during the speech. He allowed his face to break into a large grin. "You made her pack. You're her alpha." How interesting; no wonder he was so protective of her. "If she's accepted you, then you shouldn't worry. He no longer has any claim on her." It would explain Inuyasha's struggles to confirm her safety; they were no longer bonded. "You've severed that link."

Kouga scoffed. "I don't feel threatened by a dog." He knew he was the one with a claim on her and he didn't care what that dog's opinion was; he would tear him to shreds if he had to do it. "So you better keep your mouth shut. And if you hear more on how to keep her away from the murderous dog-"

"You'll be the first to know," he finished with a smirk. He was not an idiot; he knew better than to get between a wolf and his cub. Plus, Inuyasha's desire came true; she was safe. As someone who was meant to protect the people, he agreed that Kouga's logic was sound. The fewer people who knew about Kagome's whereabouts, the better. It would keep her alive, and it would prevent an unwanted confrontation between dogs and wolves. "My lips are sealed." It was the safest option for all parties involved and not involved.

"They better be or I'll know." It wasn't a threat, it was a promise.

"We're good friends, why would I wish to ruin that?"

They both knew they weren't friends. They helped each other to benefit themselves and nothing more; this was a business arrangement. Still, he didn't smell a hint of lie on him, which made Kouga think for now, he could trust the monk with this secret. However, he intended on keeping a close eye on him - just in case. The most displeasing outcome of this conversation was that he didn't have any good news to share with Kagome. Although this would help him keep her safe for the time being. It did meant however that he would need to find some other way to give her a little pick me up. What could one give to a girl who had lost everything?

Sigh.

-R-

"No. I can't accept this."

Yes, she knew pack was pack, and they took care of one and another. However, a bedroom set? This was too much, and the little voice in the back of her head was telling her that this gift was permanent. Not that she wasn't grateful, and she knew that joining the pack was permanent, and even if she got her own space, they would be quite involved in each other's lives. But still. This sounded like forever and it was a scary to think she had to let go completely. She had to give up the life she had, the one she would have, and accept this new one that had been chosen for her. It wasn't an easy thing to do, especially when she could barely keep her own emotions in check.

"You're gonna have to accept it, because here's a new phone," Ginta said as he handed her a cellphone. "We got you on the pack's plan and we put everyone's numbers in it. Don't worry if you don't recognize half the names, it'll come. I also put the emergency numbers in case. You can do anything except -"

"Call my family and my friends," she interrupted as she reached out for the phone.

He offered her his best smile in sign of an apology. "Don't worry, Kouga's gonna get everything sorted out." Their alpha wouldn't let such a transgression slide by, he was sure of it.

"Yeah," as much of an answer that she could manage. She didn't want anyone to think she didn't appreciate everything they did for her. She did. She'd probably be dead in the woods if Kouga hadn't found her and taken her in. Despite the growing despair inside of her, she was lucid enough to realize the luck she had. Wait. If they kept saying that she should accept everything they threw at her, then shouldn't the reverse also be applicable? They should accept gifts and gestures from her. "Guys, could you help me with a little something for Kouga?" One person at a time.

Hakkaku broke into a smile; now that was the spirit. "Always."

-R-

His nose twitched a few times as though he didn't trust his senses. Nope - it indeed smelled like food. There was no mistake about it. Wait. He was supposed to be the one prepping something special for her. Had the guys beaten him to it? They usually wouldn't be the ones to take such initiatives. He opened the door, peaking in, expecting to see a full table, except that was not what he found inside his own apartment. Kagome was sitting by herself, the counter in front of her filled with food that smelled like heaven. His mouth was ready to water, his nose twitching at the promising scents that filled his nostrils. Wait - what?

As she watched his eyes get wider, she found herself gazing back at the table, blushing furiously. This had sounded a lot less embarrassing in her head than it did in reality. "You're always doing things for me. I-I just wanted to say thank you," she stuttered, the volume of her voice lowering with each word she spoke. "The guys said you'd like this. I'm not really good at cooking or anything…" Although it was almost impossible to mess up not cooking a steak. It was still so raw…

People were always grateful for what he did, but he clarified that he wanted nothing in return. He didn't feel like they should reward him for doing what he was supposed to do. They trusted him to keep them safe, and that was what he would always do. But Kagome hadn't been part of the pack when he gave his speech. He had also been going a lot easier on her considering all the trauma she had gone through recently. Usually, he would have refused the meal, but since she was trembling so much from sheer nervousness, he didn't have it in him to do that to her. He couldn't shatter her confidence like that and so, for her sake, he would accept the gift.

"Thanks," he said as he sat across from her. "Smells good." Bloody was more like the right word. It was perfect.

She managed a small laugh. "I didn't realize how hard cooking would be now. All the smells…" That and her taste buds no longer responded to food the way they used to before. That in itself was an adventure now… along with her hearing. The sound of sizzling food was echoing in her brain, even this much later. How would she ever be ready to face the outside world?

As the utensils clang when Kouga picked them up, her focus came back to him as she watched him take the first bite. She didn't know how easily she could swallow the food she had prepared, but she didn't care; this wasn't about her, it was about him.

"You not hungry?" he asked as he swallowed his first bite of steak. "Or you can't eat this?"

"I can," she defended as she picked up her own utensils. If he thought she couldn't eat, he would stop feeding himself to focus on her and that would be the exact opposite of what she was trying to accomplish. She was careful to cut her meat into the smallest pieces possible, which was difficult with such a raw meat, and then she gently put a bite in her mouth, slowly chewing it. Even chewing could be a painful action. Still she ate it, she swallowed it - all while trying to hide her reaction to the taste of blood. It was mouthwatering, it was heaven - the taste it left behind in her mouth made her want to lick her lips one last time, hoping she could get another taste. She couldn't wait until she could eat properly so she could hastily devour a raw bloody steak.

"How about we hurry to finish these and go get milkshakes?" After all, he had said that he would get her something special, and it wasn't like he had any good news to share with her.

Although a milkshake wasn't exactly what she was craving, it sounded like something that would go down her damaged throat quite smoothly. Ice cream was also always a mood lifter. "That sounds good… Are we… I guess we're not walking there." Although she assumed no one would look for her amidst a pack of wolves, showing her face in public was not the best idea. If the wrong person got even as much as a glimpse of her, it could all be over.

Fuck, reminding her she was trapped was not a good way to lift her spirits… "I was thinking drive thru - I'm sorry - I…" How was he supposed to apologize for this?

"Don't worry," she hurried to say, waving her hands in front of her. "It's better this way." She could smell the guilt on him, and she wanted to avoid that. "I don't really fit in any of the clothes, except the sweatpants, so this is a lot less embarrassing than going out like this."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Shit, I messed up the size? Fuck," he replied, running his fingers through his hair. He thought he had followed the clothing sizes she had given him… He had even asked one of the annoying saleslady for help!

"No, you got the right size…" she trailed. The clothes weren't the problem; she was. Somehow, her size had changed in the last couple of days - it wasn't so much the weight but her hips size. Wider, her hips were wider. Everything fit until she tried to pull it over her hips. "I guess I got wider," she added with a nervous laugh. Were these types of changes always normal following the bite? He probably didn't know… she was a rarity as a bitten.

Kouga truly did not mean to, and yet his eyes wandered to her body; it didn't feel like she gained weight. "Are you sure? You're barely eating anything."

Did he really want to make her say it out loud? Was he going to make her say that her hips were too wide for the jeans? She cleared her throat, almost instantly regretting it as a wave of pain hit her. "I'm pretty sure."

Kagome was uncomfortable, but he couldn't pinpoint the origin of the feeling. "Then I'll get new clothes," he replied with a shrug of the shoulders; it wasn't a big deal.

"Kouga," she protested. She had just begun to thank him and he already wanted to do more for her.

He shook his head. "You're under my care. I don't wanna hear it anymore. I'm gonna take care of ya if I want, when I want, and you're gonna accept it."

Her mouth opened in protest but no sound came out as she found herself voiceless under the sheer pressure of his aura. It was whipping out of him, coating her, enveloping her as he asserted his status as an alpha and she found that her whole body was responding to him. "Okay," she settled on quickly answering. Being this… quiet was unusual for her and not something she was used to doing. Would it always be like this? He would ask something of her and she would always accept it and do it, no matter what? Seemed a little extreme, but she was a little too shy to ask him about that already. Maybe later - or she could ask someone else. Yes, maybe that would be a little easier.

He watched her face change as probably a million thoughts were going through her head. Kouga knew that he was slightly abusing the current situation. Alphas were never a known concept to her, and she remained vulnerable because of her recent transformation. He was somewhat using these weaknesses to his advantage before she gained a better control of her new self. To be fair, it shouldn't be quite called abusing the situation; he wasn't making her do anything against her will. He was simply using this to help her better understand how a pack functioned. It would be a difficult transition and he was trying to make it as easy as he could for her. That couldn't possibly be such a bad thing now, could it? And eventually it would wear off. So it was fine. Right?

"Did the guys give you the phone?" he inquired, hoping to stir the conversation in another direction.

"Yes, thank you. Not that I can call many people…" She didn't mean to sound sappy…

He took another bite of hi food. "You can call the whole pack now. I know we're just a bunch of strangers to ya right now, but… pack is family. We'll always help each other, no matter what." Pack came first. Then again, for most of them, pack and family were the same thing. A lot of them stayed in the pack they were born into - it was the beta way of life. Alpha males were usually the ones who left to have their own pack. Sometimes a few betas would follow, which was no issue. Pack sizes were rarely a fixed thing, they would increase and decrease every couple of years and would always have a variation. Plus, it was best for everyone's sake if they avoided too many alpha confrontations; they never ended well for anyone. Plus a pack was never meant to have two alpha males; all that did was end up in division and weaknesses. Kouga had said goodbye to two alpha males so far.

"I think I'll wait until they like me a bit more." Her second time with the pack had gone a lot better than the first, but there remained a lot of progress to be seen. Hopefully, it would happen sooner rather than later.

"They'll come around and regardless of everything, if you call them, they will come. A pack is bonded together."

She could only hope that she would soon feel this sense of belonging that he was referring to - it would help her feel not so alone and lost. It was also shameful to talk to Kouga about every new issue and development associated with her new transformation. It would be nice to talk about it with other people, perhaps some that were the same gender as her. All in due time.

-R-

She blinked once, then twice. She kept staring at her naked reflection in the mirror, but it felt like she was staring at a stranger. Her wet hair from the shower clung to her neck and her shoulders, while she held open the grey towel open, revealing her body to her own eyes. Her breast had never been small, but it felt like they hung much heavier on her chest and they appeared wider and rounded. She couldn't miss the appearance of her hips; it hadn't been all in her head. Her hips were larger than before and the dips in her waist were drastically different. Except the rest of her was roughly the same size, meaning she couldn't have possibly gained weight. Especially since her damaged throat made a serious dent in her daily food intake. That wasn't it…

A gentle knock on the door had her jumping out of her skin and she hurried to wrap the towel back around her body, shielding it from view. It was silly; he was on the other side. He couldn't see through walls…

"Ya alright in there?" He had heard her turn off the water a while back and since then it had been a deafening silence. He could vividly remember when he had found her broken down in the shower back when they had first met - he didn't want her to go through that on her own. He could help her deal with this and get through it. He had to do it. All this left him with no other choice but to knock on the bathroom door.

"Y-yeah," she replied with an unsteady voice. What was she supposed to say? That she needed more time to stare at her own naked body? Ask him to come take a look? The thought alone forced her to blush profusely, her chest feeling like it was suddenly on fire. That was never, ever going to happen. "Coming out in a minute," she added.

Fuck. He hadn't been trying to rush her or make her feel bad. He had wanted to ensure her safety, and now all he had done was to make her uncomfortable. Idiot. "Don't worry about it. I just wanted to make sure you were all right and needed nothing. Take your time." He would have to find a way to interact with her that was less intimidating for her. It was the only way they could progress forward. He was her alpha, and she needed to have complete faith and trust in him. She needed to know she could always come to him and confide in him, no matter what the issue was.

But she didn't listen. Instead, she hurried to dry off her body, wishing to chase away all images of her naked form out of her mind, and slipped into her clothes. Obviously, it was still sweatpants as they had not gotten around to getting her bigger clothes. She threw her wet hair into a tight bun, discarding her towel into the laundry basket before emerging from the bathroom. On the other side, she found Kouga pressed to the wall, a sheepish look on his face.

"You didn't want to hurry," he reminded her.

"I was done anyway," she said, feeling the heat crawl across her cheeks. She couldn't exactly tell him it was best she wasn't left alone with her thoughts and concerns. He worried enough about her as it was.

"Can I get ya anything?" There was something off, a heavy emotion that clung to her, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

She shook her head. "Any plans for today?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"I have a few things I need to get done." He usually did a round up after transformation night, making sure everyone was good, stocked up on supplies. Sometimes, a few members of the pack could feel out of it after the transformation, re-adjusting to the limitation of their human body. But, she was also in an adjustment period and leaving her alone with herself didn't seem like the best of idea. "I can get one of the guys to come if you want?" Somehow, he felt like she would turn him down.

The guys? She couldn't ask them either the questions that were burning at her lips. It wouldn't work. Plus, she didn't want to be constantly babysat. She knew he worried about her, but regardless of it all, she was a big girl who could take care of herself. Plus, she was trapped within the confines of his apartment. What did he think could happen to her? No one knew she was alive, no one knew where she was, and even if they did know this was all a scam, they surely wouldn't expect her to be hiding with wolves. It was safe. Although, him offering to keep her busy could be a good way to… talk to someone of the female gender?

"Hm, you know. I thought - I thought maybe I could do some more check-ups. I mean, I know I did the pups, but maybe you have… elders, or vulnerable people that could use a little looking into?" Honestly, she didn't have that much faith in her own skills, at least not yet, but - it was as good an excuse as any.

Oh. He didn't expect that request. Then again, it would be good for her if she was to get to know the pack better. There were a few people he wouldn't leave her alone with immediately but - there were a few safe bets and despite her refusal, he could have the guys staying nearby, monitoring things. In case anything went wrong. Maybe it would allow her to feel like she had a place within the pack, which wasn't a bad thing. "You know what, let me make a few phone calls and look into it. I think it's a good idea."

She offered him her best smile, gently nodding. "Thank you."

He could have walked away, gone to do what he had said he would do, but this unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach kept his feet grounded. He reached out for her chin, grabbing it with his thumb and index as he tilted her head backwards. "Ya know, if there's anything bothering you, you can talk to me."

Her heart rate picked up, her mouth suddenly drying up as she felt the warmth of his fingers against her skin. They were smooth, they were strong. She didn't think twice as she took two steps forward, closing the distance between their bodies. Heat traveled across her body as she stared into his eyes. He was expecting a response. "Y-ea," she croaked out. He was close, really close. Her hands were itching at her sides, but she kept them there. She resisted the urge to tilt her head, almost begging for him to cup her cheek with the palm of his hand. What was wrong with her? Any time he put his hands on her, she felt this need for more. More touches, more comfort. It was never enough. All she could breathe in was his scent, and it was tickling at her nostrils.

Her aura had calmed down, reflecting almost an inner peace, which was a drastic change from what it was mere moments ago. What had changed? Her eyes were pouring her soul into his own eyes, calling out to him. She was clinging to the alpha bond, but it was almost overwhelming, like a weight on his chest. She felt like defenceless. Like a fruit ripened for the taken. He released her chin, his hand gliding off its own accord to her cheeks. He gently cupped it, his thumb brushing across it, sending tingles through his digit, and unbeknownst to him, through her whole body. Kouga knew he felt extra protective of her, and his kind were a very physical kind but - but.

"I'll make the calls," he finally said before retracting his hand.

She had to hold back a whimper at the loss of contact, and she found herself biting down on her bottom lip to keep herself quiet. She shuffled her glance to the ground before nodding, hoping to look at anything but him as she felt her shame growing. Really, she was desperate for a stranger's touch? Had she become so out of bound with her old reality that she was clinging to him like a desperate child? Maybe it was best if she kept some distance with him… As much as she could while they lived under the same roof. She ignored the heat pooling in her stomach, the ghostly feeling of his hand on her cheeks. This confirmed one thing for her.

She had questions.

A lot of them.

And she couldn't ask him.

-R-