A/N: Oh hi. Long time no see. I have had this half finished since April. I had a free moment this morning and it got away from me sightly. Luckily the 2months old and my oldest had a good nap so. Here we are. I hope everyone is keeping safe and healthy!
Runt of the Litter
Chapter 5
"You okay, sweetie?"
Kagome's head snapped up at the sound of the woman's voice. She gave her a trembling smile as she nodded rapidly. "Sorry, I was - hm, thinking."
Her vet experience - her very limited vet experience - prepared her for animals - not humans who could turn into animals. Yes, she could take vitals, answer wolfish questions, but - outside of this, all of it was new. She was learning that they had slower heartbeat and blood pressure in human forms. Which could make a human doctor ask a few questions, but now that she was aware of that, it would help her establish a new guideline. Although the best would be if she could examine them while they are transformed but - well, she would not be in a human form either which would make it impossible to do. This was the best she could do. If she could gather some data, which at least didn't involve much intense medicine, she might be able to establish baseline. She had to treat it like she was dealing with a new animal species - and she sort of was really…
"I don't know why that knucklehead thinks I need a checkup," the older lady said with a smile. "I'm old, I'm not dying."
To be honest, Kagome didn't expect Kouga to send her elders, but she supposed it made sense. As with regular humans, they were probably considered like the vulnerable population of the pack. She also assumed they were more old school and weren't fans of the new ways. They also probably avoided the doctor a lot. From what she understood, being a wolf - or any kind of were - gave you a better health and a stronger constitution. They probably thought they didn't need a checkup. Her first two patients had been old men, and now she was examining her first woman of the day: Misa. This was not quite what she had in mind when she thought she could ask some questions. The worries and concerns in her mind were not something she would discuss with her own grandma -even less so a woman of the same age who wasn't related to her.
It was too awkward.
At least she was nice and didn't seem to mind that she was a dog.
"It's probably my fault," Kagome justified. "I told him I wanted to practice more - and, I guess, not many people like me. He figured you - you might take more pity on me," she added with a forced smile.
"You know who I don't like? Those stubborn kids. They say we're stubborn, but they can't see past their hatred," she said with a scoff. "I guess they all forgot how we used to hate the panthers. I ain't saying we love 'em now, but we make peace. We all came from the same canine at some point. And every pack has assholes. There are a few wolves out there I wouldn't mind skinning alive…"
Kagome was hopeless to stop the laughter that came out of her. Now, that was direct. Ayame's face popped into her head for a brief moment; she was worried about her the most. The redhead had thrown a lot of deadly glances her way, but they had never spoken. Then again, she wasn't the only one who had daggers in her eyes while looking at Kagome - but she was the most consistent. It didn't matter - did it?
"Don't worry dear, they'll come around." Yes, she differed from them. Yes, Kouga was a complete knucklehead, but it was clear the girl was sweet, and she didn't ask for this life. How could they hold it against her that she was killed and turned without her own consent? The poor girl was trying to make the best out of a nasty situation, and Kouga had a little too much honor to leave her out on her own. He was an idiot, but he was good at being their alpha. It didn't mean she had never yelled at him, or smacked him in the back of the head - but he was doing a good job. He had excellent qualities that would ensure their pack survival and help them thrive. He always put others first.
"I hope so," she whispered as she sat down in front of Misa. "I don't - I didn't even know dogs and wolves hated each other this much. Well, I also didn't know werewolves were a thing…"
Misa laughed. "It comes and goes. We've hated many people through my lifetime, don't worry about it. Next thing you know, we'll have problems with someone else." She shrugged. "I don't mind dogs so much. But that - that one that calls himself Lord? Someone needs to get the stick out of his ass."
Sesshomaru. "You're telling me," Kagome replied, a hand traveling to her neck.
"I hope that asshole gets what's coming to him." The girl would have that reminder with her forever. It would heal, but even her newfound healing skills wouldn't fix this, at least not completely. She would bear the scars until the day she died.
"Hopefully." Even though she hated him for what he did, even though he stole her life from her and he deserved to pay - she didn't care if he lived or died. She only wanted her life back. But then again, getting her life back depended on him - sort of at least. Even though he believed her dead, even though he killed her, he was still deciding her fate and there was nothing she could do about it. "Maybe he'll forget about me - or - Kouga says he'll fix it, but I don't know how this can be fixed."
"If that idiot says he'll fix it, he'll fix it. He's a good alpha. Betas don't always have it good, but with him, we do."
Betas. "C-can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot, honey."
"What - what does it mean to be a beta? We do as he says? We - want to help him? What - I don't understand a lot of things I'm feeling…" Was she really about to share all this with an old woman she didn't know? Had her options and her life become so limited that it was her only solution?
A smile tugged at her lips, increasing the amount of wrinkles around her mouth. "Now, what did that dummy do?"
"W-what, no - no nothing! He's been really kind and I really - I would be dead if it wasn't for him… I just - He says something and I - I wanna agree." This made her sound insane, didn't it?
Misa chuckled. "That's normal, sweetie. He's your alpha." Now, she had no problem butting heads with him, but that was a different story. She never gave much thought to following an alpha's order, or this submission that came with being a beta. After all, it had always been this way for her. But not for Kagome. This was new. "I'm sure it's just a little overwhelming for ya right now. You'll see, you'll be yelling at him in no time." Her eyes narrowed. "Has he been taking advantage of you?"
Kagome shoved her hands in front of her, waving them frantically. "No, no! He - he didn't do anything!" The thought of it alone was enough to bring heat to her face. If anything, she had been the one looking while he had been a perfect gentleman. "I - He just - I wanna agree with him, that's all. Even if I'm not sure? I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense…"
Misa smiled at her, watching her dip her head forward in shame. "I get it, child. If I wasn't so stubborn, I'd be the same." Except, she'd rather smack Kouga across the head. "Betas will usually follow their alpha, that's why we live in pack. We trust them, we trust their judgment. Most of the time. This one can be a knucklehead sometimes, but he's a good kid." She put her hand on top of Kagome, gently offering her a squeeze. "It's new for you. I don't know what it's like. But it'll be better. I'll compare ya to a young cub. It messes with them when they're young. They grow more independent. You will too."
Kagome dared to raise her glance as to meet Misa's eyes. "It's - between this, the physical changes, I - it's a little much."
"Transforming can be overwhelming."
"I don't remember much from that night, actually." She could recall the coldness of the blade on her throat and then she remembered waking up the next morning. She assumed it was normal to blank out the transformation? She didn't even know what it implied, how much control she had… She really didn't know anything.
Misa quirked an eyebrow. "What physical changes child? Are you sick?"
The dreaded question. "Hm- I- Hm, I just - I meant - you know - just - some hm, changes. My body feels different." Could the ground swallow her whole now?
She remained uncertain on the exact nature of the changes Kagome was referring to, but her red cheeks and the scent filling the vicinity were enough to give her a bit of a clue. Now, unlike them, she wasn't born into this. Could it come with changes? What kind of changes could benefit her in her human form? "Your whole body, dear?"
Why did she start talking about this? Why did she even get into it? Her entire body was trembling, her throat suddenly feeling raspy as she thought about how she could phrase this in a way that did not kill her with utter shame. "I - I - Well, you see - I mean - I feel - it's just - some things are - hm, you know. Just… I guess. Wider. Bigger. I'm not - it's really…"
Her voice had dropped to a mumble, the words barely a hush, and she was barely breathing in between them. Her human ears remained slightly above average even though she was not transformed, but even Misa's ears and brain needed a moment to decipher what had been said. Once she did she chuckled. Bigger. Wider. "Sweetheart, we come in all shapes and sizes." The truth? She had no idea. Although she failed to see how that would provide her with any kind of advantage. "Consider it a perk. Not that you need it."
Kagome's cheeks burned brighter as she looked away from Misa, unable to look her in the eyes. Right. She was a bitten. No one knew nothing about it… But Misa didn't seem concern. She was right - there was nothing wrong with that per se. It was just one more thing about herself that she couldn't recognize, one more change she had to go through since she became something else. It wasn't like anyone would reverse this. This was who she was now - whoever this new Kagome was. She would need to re-learn about herself slowly. With no barring or familiar people or things around her. Easy peasy.
Right?
Enough embarrassment for one day. Enough with the questions for now.
It was normal - all of it.
-R-
"None of your business."
"I didn't say anything!"
Misa scoffed. "I know you, you knucklehead. You're gonna pray into business that doesn't concern you and ask me how it went."
"It is my business, ya old hag."
Smack.
Kouga's left eye winced as he felt the pain from the slap burn through his cheek. She could still pack a punch, even in her old age. "Ya know, betas don't slap their alpha."
"They do when they're rude. Whatcha gonna do? Take on an old lady?"
He chuckled. Somehow, he wasn't even sure if he would win. Misa used to be a fierce fighter in her young days and she hadn't lost her edges, despite the grey hair. "Is she okay?"
She nodded. "The girl's fine." No point in sharing with him her little confusions. He didn't need to know. That knucklehead would probably embarrass the poor girl. "Don't you go taking advantage of her, ya hear me?"
"Ad- what? What did she say?" Had he accidentally done something? Was it the time he found her in the shower? He hadn't done it to get an eyeful… Fuck. He wasn't trying to make her uncomfortable or nothing…
Misa laughed, throwing her head backwards ever so slightly. "She didn't say nothing. I know wolves. I know you. Eager. Impatient."
"I'm not a cub anymore."
"You'll always be an annoying little brat to me."
Misa came from an older time - he was her third alpha. Time and leaders changed, but she remained there and exactly the same. It was a good thing. She was never afraid to call him out on his bullshit, and she voiced her opinion. He might be the alpha, but he enjoyed getting the truth, and he didn't want to make decisions that only worked for him. She made sure he never fucked up too bad. This was how he knew that taking in Kagome wasn't the worst idea - Misa said nothing about it. That was her way of approving. And she was apparently already protecting her, which reassured him. Kagome needed some people in her corner and Misa wasn't someone people would cross.
"Just be careful with her. This is hard on her."
He sighed before dropping himself onto the couch, his body sinking into the foam of the cushions. "I know." He flattened his bangs on top of his head. "I - I don't know how to help. I've alway been this. I've always had my pack."
"We're wolves more than we're humans. She's human."
"I know."
"And you're an idiot she doesn't know."
"The name calling seems uncalled for you hag."
"Keeps ya on your toes," she said, dismissing him with a wave of the hand. "Now, I've seen your face enough for today. Go home. And keep your hands to yourself. I think she's a little more susceptible to the alpha charm." There were thoughts - musings - running through her head, but she would keep them to herself for now. No reason to start anything when she didn't have enough information. One thing was certain; Kagome was really shaking up their little pack. Good, she liked a little action.
Again with that. If he could keep his hands to himself during heats, he could keep his hands off her. She was going through so much and he wasn't an asshole. "I ain't gonna touch her." Wait. "What do you mean?"
"She's a newbie. You're the alpha."
Right. Well, he knew that already, and he had taken a bit advantage, but nothing bad. "Mind your business. I'm taking care of her and nothing else."
"You know best, boss." She then grabbed her broom was by her TV. "Now get off my couch before I kick you off of it."
He chuckled. "You're the only one who gets away with this shit, ya know?"
"There were others before you, there will be others after," she said with a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
She wasn't wrong about that - it was a delicate balance.
-R-
"K-kouga?"
Kagome clutched the blankets, lifting them as to cover her chest. She blinked through the darkness, surprised at how well she could see through the blackness engulfing her room. Initially, her heart was racing, but quickly, her eyes made out Kouga's shape, standing in the doorway. The light of the hallway was highlighting his form as he walked in her room, silent. She let go of the bundle of blankets, letting them fall in her laps. The nights were arduous for her - memories of her near death haunting her at any moment. Had she screamed during her sleep? Was he here to check up on her? Damn it. She didn't want to be a hopeless insignificant thing. It was fine. Eventually… the nightmares would stop. They had to, right?
"Kouga? Is- everything okay?" her throat was dry, threatening to clamp up.
Why were her hands moist? They felt wet, sweat dripping from her fingers while the surrounding air appeared thick, difficult to breathe in. Her lungs were on fire as she tried to meet his eyes, but could not. Yet, despite his silence, he kept walking in her direction. "K-kouga?" Her body was vibrating, his ever closer presence sending chills down her spine. Oh, not this again.
Once his legs hit the edge of the bed, he stopped for a beat and then leaned forward, his hands gliding across her blue comforter. She tried to straighten her back, tried to create distance, but all she did was trap herself against the wooden headboard. Her breath hitch as she didn't have it in her to say his name one more time. Instead she waited, watching his motions while her heart tried to pierce out of her chest. Each beat was painful, straining her chest, forcing her to wince. She gulped when his arms hit her folded legs and suddenly; she had forgotten how to breathe. His blue eyes were glowing in the darkness, shining and piercing through her soul. He lifted himself on his knees, straightening his upper body before he used his hand to part her knees. He barely had to use any force; they fell open on their own.
What was happening?
She tried to put her weight on her hands, firmly placing her palms against the soft mattress, but it was pointless; her elbows were threatening to cave. He positioned himself on top of her, his body hovering on top of hers, his eyes never breaking eye contact. Her lips parted as though she wanted to speak, but she didn't know what to ask. Why would he suddenly - do this? She should push him off of her, telling him it was inappropriate and yet, those were none of the things she actually wanted to say to him. His scent was all she could think about; it was coating her skin, filling her nostrils and buzzing inside of her brain. It was subduing her, leaving her defenceless - at his mercy. Each breath she took made her suffocate, as if she wasn't getting any air into her lungs. It burned - everything burned. Panic settled in her chest and her brain was trying to convince her he could make it better; he could make her safe.
She blinked once. Then twice. A gush of air spread across her heated flesh and by the time she opened up her eyes, he was hovering on top of her, his lips mere inches away from hers. She could taste him. She wanted to lean forward, close the ridiculously small distance between them and lose herself into the magnetic aura surrounding him. Her heart was racing, her body demanding his touch. There was a second voice in the back of her head, telling her this was everything she ever needed. But she couldn't move - because he hadn't told her she could move. Permission. It felt like she needed his permission to do anything. No. What? But why? Her bottom lip trembled, a puddle of heat in her core as she resisted the urge to rub her legs together to relieve some tension that was quietly building up between her legs.
"K-kouga."
A gasped breath breached her lips as she violently sat up in her bed, her hands slamming down on the mattress. Kagome gulped as she looked around in her empty bedroom, rapidly noticing she was alone. Alone. Sweat coated her skin, beads falling down her neck and following the dip of her spine. She pressed a clammy hand to her thundering chest, her half-lidded eyes searching the darkness for a sign that she wasn't crazy. But she was. A dream. It had been a dream. She tried to lick her lips but found her tongue pasty, swollen from the dryness of her mouth. Shame filled her, forcing her chest to cave inward as the implications of her dream dawned upon her. Had she really dreamed of him? A sex dream? About Kouga? A man she barely knew. It had felt so real, so vivid. The proof of the heated dream was present between her legs as she could feel a stickiness in her underwear.
Great. As if she didn't feel enough shame already.
Kagome tried to readjust her position, only to find she was coated in sweat from head to toe; she could barely peel herself off the sheets. Ugh. She touched her hair, feeling the dampness as it slicked back against her skull, and she knew she could never go back to bed like this; she needed a shower. It would wash away the sweat and hopefully cool off whatever was going on inside of her brain. If she didn't know better, she would say she was slowly losing her sanity. Get a grip.
She tossed the sheets off herself and planted her feet on the ground. Quickly, she grabbed a few of the clothes Kouga had acquired for her and she made her way to the door. Hopefully, Kouga was asleep in his room and she wouldn't wake him up with the sound of the shower. She turned the knob, slowly, and barely opened the door - just enough to fit her body. She then quietly closed it, and turned around, ready to tip toe her way to the bathroom. Which would have happened. If she hadn't run smack dab in a hard chest.
A hard chest.
Fuck.
Before she could hit the ground rear first, a strong arm wrapped itself around her waist, keeping her in a standing position. Her eyes were darting in the darkness, staring at the bare chest in front of her. His bare chest. And that hand? How was she supposed to ignore that hand? It was burning through her shirt, leaving an imprint on her skin. There was a slight space between them and she wanted to close that distance - press her body against his. He smelled good. Too good. She had to look up; she had to meet his glance - but she couldn't. She was frozen in place, doing her best to take small breaths as to not overload herself with his scent. Think. Think. But thinking was difficult. Her brain was melting, she was being pulled in different directions and she couldn't even begin to think about forming words or coherent sentences.
"Ya all right?" His voice was low, his eyes narrowed.
He had felt - a surge. He didn't know how else to explain it. Next thing he knew, he was walking down the hall in direction of her room. He could sense her panic, even from the other side of the wall. He had been distracted… preoccupied. He hadn't even realized that she had opened the door - that was until she ran into him. Now she was near him and his chest felt heavy. She was looking down and he wanted her to look at him. But she wasn't. His fingers twitched with the need to grab her chin and force her to look upwards, but he held himself back. Since when did he have to control himself? Her scent was shifting. It differed from before. He meant to breathe it in ever so slightly and yet; he breathed deeply, filling his lungs. It was sweet, sending tingles all the way down his blood stream.
"Y-yeah," she croaked out. "I - I just - got warm. I - hm. Shower." That counted as a sentence, right? He got it. He would let her go.
But she didn't want him to let her go.
She had to go.
She closed her eyes, trying to breathe, trying to clear the cloudiness in her brain. Kagome, get a grip. She wasn't like this. This wasn't her. She didn't - she didn't want a man she didn't even know. And she certainly wanted nothing right now, not after everything that had happened to her. She decided that she couldn't let him ask something else, she couldn't let him speak again. Already, her legs were trembling, not even keeping her standing. Her knees wanted to buckle, her body wanted to crumble in his hold. Why? Her eyes opened wide as she tried to make a run for it. Despite everything in her body screaming at her to stay, she tore herself away from him, forcing his hand to fall into the emptiness as she tried to dash by his side.
Unfortunately for her, his reflexes were faster than hers. Before she was gone, before she was out of reach, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She held her breath, her heart stopping, her brain buzzing. His fingers felt warm, and she was too weak to offer any kind of resistance. She stayed there, her eyes looking towards the door of the bathroom; her salvation. But she couldn't reach it. She couldn't remove herself from him for a second time.
But he made the call for her.
Just as quickly as he had grabbed her, he let her go. As soon as her arm hit her side, she was gone, slamming the bathroom door behind her.
Oh god, she was an idiot.
Meanwhile, Kouga stood there, confused. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to process what he had done. Why did he grab her? Why did he need to stop her from leaving? Now that she was further from him, he found that it was easier to think, to be. Her scent lingered.
That scent.
Beneath it, there was a familiarity but - it couldn't be.
No.
Because the heating season wasn't yet and…
Ah fuck.
-R-
"In heat? But it's too early!" Ginta said as he sat down on the porch.
"I know."
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty fucking sure."
He felt like an idiot he didn't realize it the second he walked down that hallway. He should have known. But wolves had a very precise heat; it was always at the same time. It didn't occur to him that it could happen to her, especially right now. As if she didn't have enough shit going on right now. She didn't need this on top of it. And he didn't need this. He didn't know how to explain this to her, and somehow he had a feeling that it wasn't something she would want to hear from him. Plus, how was he to know how different her heat would be? Clearly dogs and wolves didn't share the same mating season. It wasn't the type of information that enemies shared;It would reveal a vulnerability. When everyone was in heat, they were weaker, more prone to an attack. Especially since while dogs were in heat, wolves were not.
But that wasn't neither here nor there.
Now he needed to figure out what to do.
"So- what was it like?"
"What are you talking about?"
Ginta shrugged. "I mean - are dogs and wolves compatible? And it ain't even heat for us. Did ya like, feel something?" A lot of the males in their pack would go wild during mating season, but Kouga kept himself in check. He had a higher responsibility, and he didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea. Anyway, he spent most of his time turning down Ayame's advances and it wasn't like she let the other females get anywhere near Kouga. Still, it didn't mean he couldn't feel anything. He had a better self control.
.
His first instinct was to say no. But then he remembered grabbing her. It meant nothing. It was a moment of weakness. "I don't know. And not really." Dogs and wolves. They could probably be compatible. They came from the same ancestor? Probably? Although none of that mattered. They didn't procreate as their animal counterpart. They did it while they were in their normal human form. If a werewolf could be with a human, then what would stop a human weredog and a human werewolf from procreating? He wondered what it would lead to, though… No. He didn't wonder. It wasn't important.
"Then why are you hiding out here? Her scent's gotta be bothering you a little."
"Nothing I can't deal with." He's had worse. He had a dozen females throwing themselves at him, constantly. He was the alpha. Betas could afford to indulge and mate as much as they wanted, but he couldn't do the same. First of all, he had to pick carefully since as an alpha he had a higher chance of impregnating them, but also because Ayame was insatiable in her pursuit of him and she would do anything to be alpha female. Granted, her chances to get pregnant as an alpha female were quite slim, but he didn't want to risk it. He had only reacted the way he had because it had taken him by surprise. Nothing else.
"And you're okay leaving her alone?"
"What da ya mean?"
"Well, she's never been in heat, right? And now you left her alone? Ain't ya worried she might wander or something? What if there's a beta nearby?"
…He hadn't thought about that. Beta couldn't exert the same kind of self control as an alpha and though they wouldn't be affected as much since they wouldn't feel the heat as much - it was risky. Especially since she would not know how to control herself. Fuck. Alright - maybe leaving her alone hadn't been his best judgement call. "Fuck. I gotta go."
"Yes you do," Ginta said with a smirk.
It had been a while since he had seen Kouga get this worked up. He might be convinced that this didn't have any effect on him, but he begged to differ. Maybe it was because of how protective he was of her, but there was something different there. He wasn't sure what it was yet. Kouga was pouring a lot of himself into her, and he was furiously protective of her. It wasn't like he wasn't for the other pack members, but… this was… it reminded him of how a male would protect his mate. Obviously, it wasn't the case here and it wouldn't be but; the feeling was hard to shake off. He chuckled as he watched his alpha take off, a smile dancing in his eyes.
This girl was turning things upside down for Kouga.
Maybe it was a good thing.
-R-
She shouldn't be here.
She really shouldn't be here.
Kagome's legs were trembling as she stood in his bedroom. Honestly, she didn't know how she got here. Her nose had been twitching. Her belly had been coiling. She chastised herself for even having those thoughts; it was his privacy. She shouldn't be intruding. Despite the many speeches she gave herself in her head, she made it to his door. Then, she tried to persuade herself to never touch the handle. It wasn't very successful. She lost at every step - and now she was standing in his room, debating if she could withhold herself from sitting on his bed. It was where the scent was the strongest. Did it make sense to say that she wanted to roll in it, bask every inch of her skin in his bed until it clung to her? This was insane. This was it. She had officially lost her marbles. What was wrong with her? At this point, he should throw her out and leave her to fend for herself.
She was crazy. Insane.
And yet, none of these thoughts were enough to stop her as her hands glided across the black comforter thrown over his bed. She leaned forward more and more until her face touched it and she inhaled deeply. It filled a need inside of her, one that had been growing and she sighed, happily, satisfied. This was what she wanted. For a second, she let rationality exit her mind and she indulged in the satisfaction, the happiness - something she hadn't felt since her near death experience.
"Kagome?"
Well. Now that was over.
Her entire body jolted up, her blood racing in her ears as she sat up, her bottom lip trembling as she met his confused eyes. Oh boy. Oh god. How - what - how could she explain this? Humiliated. Was the word even enough to describe how she currently felt? She wanted to curl up into a ball and die. No, no, no.
"I - hm, I'm - I - sorry." She almost stumbled face first unto the floor as she hurried to her feet. "I -I wasn't trying - I didn't mean…"
It took his entire self control to not cringe. The anxiety in the room was suffocating, and he knew he was partly to blame. He hadn't meant to sound accusatory or anything - it had surprised him. Nothing more. "It's fine. It's - it's not your fault."
"W-what?"
Fuck. He never really had to explain heats to someone before. The cubs' parents would take care of that conversation and everyone was born like this. It didn't happen that he had to tell someone they were in heat. He wasn't prepared for this; he didn't have the right words to explain it to a human. Like a bandaid? "You're in heat."
She heard the word. She knew that word. She understood the meaning of that word. And yet… "I'm what?"
Kouga ran his fingers through his bangs, messing up his tight ponytail at the same time. "We - we go into heats. Ours isn't - it's not now. But I guess dogs' heat is now? I - I don't know much about weredogs. Not enough to know this. But - your scent is kinda giving it away."
She could now turn into an animal. And now he was telling her that even when she wasn't in that form… she was one. She was in heat. "So - I wanna…"
"Yeah."
Oh god. She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at him any longer. He found her in his room - like a desperate… bitch in heat? She was trying to - oh god. He was helping her, he took her in and now she was making a fool out of herself. She wasn't trying to - she didn't want to do this. The tears stung at her eyes and despite her efforts to hold them in, she could feel a few of them escaping, sliding down her cheeks. Great, as if she didn't look stupid enough already. "I don't - I'm not trying -"
The salty scent of tears did it for him. He rushed near her, dropping to his knees, which allowed him to be eye level with her. He grasped her wrists, mindful of the strength of his grip, and tugged downwards to reveal her face. He expected her to put up a slight resistance, but she didn't; she let him do as he pleased. "Listen. We - the hormones are in control right now. I'm the alpha, I - kinda provoke a bigger reaction. And you're so new to this. Don't worry about it. And I won't -" Misa's words were echoing in his head and he felt like telling the old hag to can it. Even if she wasn't actually here. "I ain't gonna try anything or nothing. So you don't have to worry."
His words were meant to be comforting - she knew that. She should be happy to know he wouldn't take advantage of her crazy hormones and whatever else was at play inside her body and her head. But, there was this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach; it was heavy, and it pulsated with pain. Disappointment? Why would she ever be disappointed?
"Thank you." The words felt bitter in her mouth.
"We'll figure it out alright."
"H-how long does it last?" Even though she could feel his glance burning on her face, she opted to look at the ground instead.
He shrugged. "Us, it's usually a couple of days. You probably haven't reached the peak yet." After all, her recent attitude was fairly new.
"Oh, great." Which she didn't mean to say out loud…
"Don't worry, I - I'm sure some of the girls can help you." They didn't all go after someone with every heat. They were probably things - tricks to this. He didn't know. Fuck, he felt useless.
Oh yes, because that wouldn't be embarrassing at all. But she couldn't tell him no - even if she wanted to so badly. "Thank you," was all she could say, and she hated herself for it.
He didn't feel like he was much help, but he nodded anyway. It was then that it dawned on him that his hands were still wrapped around her wrist, keeping his hold on her. He jerked his hands back, allowing her hands to fall into the emptiness. He cleared his throat before getting to his feet, putting a slight distance between them. "Can - Do you want anything?"
The question felt loaded. She gulped and then shook her head. "I - I think I'm gonna go… nap." She wasn't tired, not in the least bit. Her heart was racing, her brain was pulsating with too many thoughts but she knew one thing; she had to get out of this room, she had to get away from him.
She didn't even give him a chance to reply that she was out of the door. He almost leaned forward, ready to follow her, but he held himself back.
He was too unprepared for this. It left him vulnerable. Even though he shouldn't be.
What was wrong with him?
-R-